Chapter Text
“Yo! We’re coming at you live from Camp Wawanakwa, somewhere in Muskoka, Ontario…”
“42 days, 14 castmates, one heck of a lot of cash…”
“Season three of Total Drama, folks! The world is gonna be mine…”
“Eheheh, no, not them! This season, we’ve got all new players…”
“The producers have greenlit another season. So, you in?”
“Welcome, Total Drama fans! Put on some clean undies, ‘cuz things are about to get wild…”
“I’m your host, Don, and this is… the Ridonculous Race!”
“It’s been 20 years since our show first aired, and we’re back where it all began…”
“We’re baaack!”
“Is this on?”
“Welcome to the tenth season of Total Drama Island!”
The undeniably attractive host with a cheeky grin and slight stubble is still here, unfortunately for whatever contestants are about to embark on this journey of embarrassment and pain. His name is Chris McLean, and everybody in the world knows it by now because of his deep love for making the people around him, and especially teenagers, suffer.
It is unclear how his reality TV show, Total Drama Island, was greenlit for another season, but a lot of happy letters and emails about the range and diversity of the newest cast, including so many different couples and even people whose interests did not align with romance, was enough for Chris to convince the producers to let him host the tenth season. Along with his husband, Chef Hatchet, who has become somewhat of a co-host rather than just the person making disgusting food to further drive campers into insanity, he is back and ready for more… now with a couple of grey hairs that he can no longer hide; but he’s embraced it, which has caused much positive feedback from the sides of the fandom that enjoy… older men. Don’t tell them he’s only in his late 40s, it will spoil the fun.
“Our last season was amazing, and our castmates had so much fun – well, I did, because they all suffered! For those that missed it, first of all, how could you? Second of all, here’s a quick recap…
“Last season, on Total Drama Reloaded the Second… We welcomed back our newest cast – as I like to call them, Generation 4. Bonds were formed, broken, and re-formed. Normal Girl was our first boot, followed by Chase. Millie mistreated Damien, apologized, and got voted off. Emma left us earlier than expected due to Priya’s distrust for her methods. Nichelle came back more prepared, but ultimately quit before the merge. Bowie cheated – not on Raj, in the game, don’t send me any more angry letters – Axel and Ripper had one of the most disgusting romances ever, Zee spilled secrets, MK and Julia left us all wondering when they were going to kiss, Damien was robbed of a win – again! – Priya and Caleb could not communicate with each other for the life of them, and, surpassing all expectations, Wayne won! I’m still confused how that happened…
“Since our budget wouldn’t allow us to move around the world, or go to a different setting, we’re still going back to our old, crummy, dear camp Wawanakwa. But don’t click away just yet! This season is going to be very different… We’re doing All-Stars again, everyone!”
Chris walks the dock, giggling to himself.
“Yeah, I know! You all gasped in shock at that! I’m a man that listens to the needs of the people, and the people have spoken: the newest generation should face off against the oldest one, to see which one of them reigns superior. Will it be the first original contestants, who have had so much trauma on the show, not even millions of dollars are enough for therapy? Or will it be the latest generation that’s more prepared, ready to take home the prize?”
There’s a cut to Chris walking on the island, by the cabins. One of them has a pink banner with the female symbol on it, a yellow dot in the corner, the other, a blue one with the male symbol on it and a similar dot as well. The latter’s stairs have had a third of them cut and replaced with a metal ramp.
The camera zooms in on the host, grinning again as he talks.
“Here’s how it’s gonna work. Twelve contestants of the first and fourth generations have been invited on the show to have a chance to compete for not a hundred thousand, not even one or two million, but three million dollars!” He whispers to the camera, “I needed to convince them somehow.” He clears his throat. “Not only is this the first time in Total Drama history we’re going to have 24 contestants, but it will also mark the first time adults are allowed on the show, since the original cast will now be in their 30s, pushing their 40s!
“As for the challenges, most of them will be older ones! Season 1, 2, 3 or the last two – doesn’t matter! Every now and then, I may sprinkle in something new… But other than that, we’ll get to see new contestants suffer through the older challenges, just like in the good old times of All-Stars! Sound fun yet?
“Lastly, the teams… To fully represent the past, we will be dividing everyone into three teams, just like in our third season. The losing team will have to vote out someone at the Campfire Ceremony, and the unlucky loser picked will have to go to the Dock of Shame and catch a ride on the Boat of Losers… Ah, I’m getting nostalgic already!
“I know you’re curious as to who is coming back and what the teams are going to be, so stay tuned to find out on…”
Chris, previously maliciously rubbing his hands together, raises them up to the sky as he speaks.
“Total… Drama… The Bridge Between Generations!”
Hey, what’s up? I’m here to slay
Don’t know why the rest even bother to stay
I know the game and I’ve brought the skill
Crushing players’ dreams, yeah, you know the drill
And I wanna be famous!
I wanna live close to the sun,
Well, pack your bags, ‘cuz I’ve already won
Everything to prove, nothing in my way
I’ll get there one day
‘Cuz I wanna be famous!
Na, na-na-na-na,
Na-na-na-na-na-na, na-na-na-na-na-na
I wanna be, I wanna be (Na, na-na-na-na,)
I wanna be famous (Na-na-na-na-na-na, na-na-na-na-na-na)
I wanna be, I wanna be (Na, na-na-na-na…)
I wanna be famous…
TOTAL DRAMA: THE BRIDGE BETWEEN GENERATIONS
EPISODE 1: SOMEWHAT HAPPY CAMPERS – PART 1
“Welcome back! I reckon it’s time to meet our victims—I mean campers! That’s what I said, campers!”
Chris snorts, and the camera pans to a cruise ship approaching.
“From Total Drama Reloaded, we’ll be welcoming back…”
One after the other, the cast members step on to the docks, and Chris welcomes them as warmly as one sadistic host can.
“Crown chaser turned first voted out during merge time, Bowie…”
“Oh, that cannot be my legacy,” Bowie murmurs, strutting off in offence.
“His birdbrain boyfriend Raj, and Raj’s birdbrain-er best friend Wayne, who exceeded every expectation last season and won…”
“Yo, yo, yo, that’s us, man!” Wayne whoops.
“Hey, Bowie!” Raj exclaims. “Wait up!”
“First voted out during merge time?” Bowie scoffs. With a pout and crossed hands, he sits in the confessional, upset and more than a little embarrassed. “I cannot let that be the way I am remembered! This year, things are changing!”
“Total Drama contestant-in-training turned winner, Priya… Scaredy cat robbed of a win twice in a row, Damien… The girl with the worst taste in men to ever make it onto this show, Emma…”
“Let’s do this,” Priya grins.
“Again, man,” Damien shakes his head in sadness. “Again…”
Emma grumbles at her introduction. “It’s always about that… Fuck off…”
The curse word is not picked up by the cameras.
“I still can’t believe what Julia did last season! But I mean, it’s always Julia, isn’t it?” Damien groans. “Julia that ruins friendships, Julia that fakes contracts, Julia that steals immunity idols…” He scoffs. “Well, this season, Julia will be the one to go home, not me! This season, I promise, I’ll be toughening up – she is leaving this place as soon as possible, and I’m staying in until the end! Nothing is gonna get in the way of Damien!” He whoops excitedly before the camera cuts off.
“It’s always about my love life, huh?” Emma groans. “Well, Chris can fuck off with that!” The swear word, as it should, is bleeped out. “Chase won’t even be here, thank God, so I will focus on myself and getting that prize. And Chris can go to hell!”
“Positive mindset influencer turned vicious villain with the worst haircut known to man, Julia… Pickpocket, cheater and thief of hair dryers, MK…”
“If murder was legal…” Julia dreamily sighs, eyeing Chris with unfriendly intent.
MK snorts as she walks past the host. “All that, and me stealing your hair dryer is where you draw the line…”
“Yo, guys!” Wayne happily greets them. “Great to be back, ay? How you been?”
Julia snarls her teeth at him, and it’s the only answer Wayne needs.
“Okay! I’ll go ask Chris how he’s been instead,” he grins.
“I’m fine, Wayne,” Chris deadpans. “Get away from me.”
“I wish I could feed Wayne to the sharks Chris keeps bringing out,” Julia groans. “God, I hate him! I hate him so, so, so much! My one chance, and I blew it because of him! And Caleb, yes, sure, but how can one lose to WAYNE?!”
She takes a deep breath and regains her composure.
“If Heather got in the top three twice, and won the second time she did, so can I. Everyone is going down – but Wayne especially. Because screw that little piece of—!” The video cuts off.
“Hey, Julia,” Bowie calls out with a grin. “Where’s your raptor mullet? I thought we’d get to see it again.”
“Have you ever heard of styling?” Julia scoffs, touching her own hair. It has clearly grown back, but it’s still inspired, to some degree, by a mullet-like style. “Actually, nevermind, don’t answer that. I know the answer is no.”
“Ugh, why don’t you kiss my—”
“Children, let’s calm down here, I’m trying to do some introductions!” Chris groans. “God, you can’t even do anything here anymore… The boomers are right…”
“You mean to tell me you’re not a boomer?” MK feigns shock.
“Do you want to be the first kicked off the show?” Chris raises an eyebrow. “Next up we have our loveable and laid-back soda enjoyer, Zee… Hollywood star turned not-so-famous reject turned Hollywood star again, Nichelle LaDonna…”
“Hey, Chris, my man!” Zee greets, a soda can already in hand. “Great to be back, dude. I’m stoked.”
“I can feel it! Oh, I can feel it!” Nichelle victoriously announces. “This is my season! Nichelle’s season!”
“I will win this, don’t you worry!” Nichelle assures with a confident smile. “No more getting fooled by Julia or letting my teammates down. No more, baby! Nichelle LaDonna is back!”
Zee, meanwhile, simply sips a soda in the confessional.
“The squirrel eater and vicious fighter, Axel, and, finally, the self-proclaimed ‘alpha male’, Ripper!” Chris shudders. “Disgusting couple, those two,” he adds, more to himself.
“Let’s go!” Ripper shouts as he charges forward.
“We’re taking this show up by storm!” Axel announces, following Ripper while carrying all their luggage.
“We are so winning this!” Ripper grins in the confessional.
“I’ll beat up everyone in our path!” Axel assures.
“I’m sure you will, babe,” Ripper smiles. “And I can’t wait to watch.”
“Now,” Chris speaks, turning to the other side of the docks, where another cruise ship approaches, “this is where things begin to get interesting… Because, from our original cast, we are welcoming…”
The first to get off is the most anticipated arrival of all. Chris wasn’t even sure if she’d agree to come, but his insistence – and her lack of money – eventually convinced her, and she signed the contract.
Onto the docks steps…
“Devious diva and winner of Total Drama World Tour, now an adult who hates her life more than she hated everyone around her at 16, Heather…”
“Yes, yes, let’s get this over with,” Heather groans, already done with Chris.
“The first and only person in the whole entire world to ever like Heather, runner-up of Total Drama World Tour, a person whose boring 9-to-5 job forced him into coming here again, Alejandro Dead-Donkey—I mean, Burromuerto…”
“Really funny introduction,” Alejandro says with an eyeroll, carefully walking off the boat, steadying himself with a cane. “Keep disrespecting myself and Heather and it will be you in a robot costume, McLean.”
“Ooh, I’m spooked.” Chris giggles.
Heather eyes the camera, and there’s a cut to her in the confessional.
“Okay, strong start… I wasn’t sure if I should come back on the show because…” She interrupts herself, then groans when realizing she’s done so. “Oh, why do I care about my privacy? I’ve already given this show all of it, might as well be done with it.”
She takes a deep breath.
“Alejandro and I… haven’t talked since All Stars.” She winces, as if recalling a bad or cringe-inducing memory. “After the show, we just kind of… went our own ways. We tried to keep in touch, but it was hard, and we were just dumb teenagers. We both wanted something realer than just calling all day.”
She rubs her arm now as she speaks.
“So, we… grew apart. Eventually, I called him and we just mutually agreed to… call whatever that was off. After over a decade of not speaking, I thought he would despise me…” Now she lights up. “But that was a good sign, wasn’t it? That he immediately jumped to my defense, despite me not asking him to? I think that… counts for something.”
“Next, reality TV show pros – or so they claim, since they’ve never actually won anything – Noah and Owen…”
Noah scoffs. “Fuck off, McLean.”
“Language!” Chris frowns. “Total Drama is to be enjoyed by all ages!”
“Nobody has ever enjoyed this show,” Noah shrugs, “so I beg to differ.”
“THIS IS AMAZING!” Owen cheers. “It feels so good to be back! It’s as if nothing has changed – nothing!!”
“It all looks the same!” Owen squeals. “The docks, the cabins, the lodge, you!” He excitedly turns to Noah. “Oh, Noah! Do you remember the day we met here? All of the memories we’ve created here?”
Noah snorts, amused, embarrassed and endeared, all at the same time.
“Yeah. I mean, I didn’t stick around for long, but… You made it memorable.”
Owen’s eyes light up.
“Aw, Noah! Come here!”
“Hold on, we’re supposed to talk about our life story—Owen—OWEN, YOU’RE SUFFOCATING ME—HGNH—"
Noah sighs and guides Owen like an owner would its excited puppy, walking by the new cast. As he does, Bowie frowns, noticing something on his hand – or rather, on their hands.
“Hey, Noah—?”
Chris puts his hands up to welcome the next contestants.
“Miss Original Birdbrain, now famous Hollywood actress, Lindsay Laurier… Unlikeable adolescent girl turned adored Broadway and voice actress, Courtney…”
“Hi everyone!” Lindsay waves excitedly, her eyes shining. “Being back here is surreal!” Then she spots her old friends – one in particular – and squeals. “Heather! Oh my God, I haven’t seen you in ages!”
To most people’s surprise, as Lindsay runs towards Heather, the latter opens her arms towards her, and embraces her in a hug when she jumps in her arms.
“It’s so good to see you!” Lindsay says.
“I could say the same,” Heather smiles.
Courtney just scans her surroundings, seemingly annoyed. Bowie, next to Raj, watches her intently, bouncing on his heels. His excitement is hard to hide.
“Hiii!” Lindsay excitedly waves at the camera. “Oh my God, like, sooo much has happened since TDI. Tyler and I got married, and my sisters and Beth were the maids of honour… I got my first modelling contract, then we had Chloe and Emmett…” Lindsay is counting on her fingers as she speaks. “I also got a role as a lead actress in one drama, so that was cool! I returned to modelling after, but it was a nice experience. We had Brianna ten years ago, which still feels like yesterday…” She smiles widely, a smile so secure and self-assured, it’s as if nothing has changed over the years. “Oh, I don’t even care if I win, I’m just happy to see my friends again!”
“Let’s see… After the show ruined my life, I studied law school for basically nothing, because I wasn’t accepted into any firm, and couldn’t start my own. So, I decided to go back to school for acting.” Courtney smiles, a hint of bitterness to it. “It was a calculated, but bold decision, and I went through with it. That opened many, many doors. It all feels so far away yet so close… Well, I’ve made a name for myself anyways. And you know what? I’m happier I did it like this.”
“Cheating bad boy turned prisoner and, later, scandalous metal singer, Duncan Tarun… The boy with a heart of gold, a renowned veterinarian in his hometown as of present, DJ… The laid-back surfer girl, now in a happy family of four, Bridgette…”
“I’ll show you how scandalous I can be,” Duncan threateningly says.
DJ puts a hand on his shoulder.
“Come on, Duncan. He’s just trying to get to you. Don’t let him.”
Chris chuckles. “Man, I forgot how fun you were…”
“After I got out of jail, I got picked up by a couple of guys in a band looking for a guitarist. Been with ‘em ever since. Vampire Bite’s the name. Can’t say I don’t dig it.” Duncan deflects his gaze from the camera. “Other than that… Nothing major has happened. Even it has, don’t expect me to tell you.”
“DJ and I are kind of a package deal,” Bridgette smiles, “but we made sure not to tell Chris, just in case he’d want to separate us.”
“He also invited Geoff, but eventually figured it’d be better for me to show up rather than him. Can’t have too many couples on the show; they’d all start running wild.” DJ chuckles. “Anyways, Geoff is staying home with he and Bridgette’s girls, my goddaughters.”
“And we’re winning this for them!” Bridgette declares; but she falters. “Not like they’re allowed to watch… I wouldn’t want them to see this mess of a show. They think we’re volunteering at a summer camp…”
“Our last three are… The runner-up of the first season, single mom of one and, unfortunately, a teacher, Gwen… A starving artist struggling to make ends meet that told us not to use this description as her introduction, Leshawna… And, finally, successful multi-genre band frontwoman, Victoria McGrady!”
“Wait, who?” Bowie frowns.
“Gwen, Leshawna and Victoria?” Chris raises an eyebrow. “I just said.”
“Who is Victoria?” MK asks.
“That would be me.”
The contestants turn to look at the one who spoke. Her voice has never been heard before on the show, and, rightfully so, earns a few confused glances. They all stare at her, bewildered and unsure if they’ve ever seen her before…
In all her glory, Victoria stands before them. She’s dressed in one of the worst outfits ever seen in human history – that pant and skirt combo is awful, how Chris is allowing this on TV is beyond me – and her long, shoulder-length ginger hair is loosely allowed to flow in the wind. Some mouths drop when they recognize her, and whether it be by her many freckles, unmistakable thick glasses, or her green eyes, most people immediately realize who she is.
“You’re—you’re—” Emma stutters.
“You…” Nichelle’s mouth is wide open.
“Why is the lead singer of 4 Syllables here?” Ripper turns to Chris. “She’s never been on the show.”
“Lead singer of what, now?” Axel frowns.
“4 Syllables,” Ripper repeats. When Axel shrugs in confusion, he gasps. “I showed you their music, babe! They’re—”
“Oh, that band? The one with the many genres, formerly known as The Drama Brothers—WAIT!” Axel gets her moment of realization. “You’re—!”
Victoria smiles.
“You can call me Vickie.”
“Oh my God,” Damien mouths.
“I expected the confusion,” Vickie shrugs. “It’s only natural. Anyways, I know Chris probably wants me to go into super obscure detail about my life, but I’ll leave that to the others. My life is all over the internet,” she grins. “No need for that.”
“I cannot believe Vickie is here!” Damien’s eyes are so shiny in his admiration, they might blind anyone looking at him. “I’ve been listening to 4 Syllables since I was, like, 8 – well before Vickie even came out! I even was at that show!” He’s bouncing on his seat like Bowie did when he saw Courtney. “And now, she’s here! She’s actually here!” Damien giggles. “How did I not—oh my God, I have to be cool about this, I have to be cool, but I can’t! IT’S VICTORIA MCGRADY HERSELF, PEOPLE! THIS IS BIG!!!”
“All I’m saying is, her and Tarun are not immune from being kicked out just because they’re big singers now,” Julia threatens. “Same goes for Lindsay and Courtney. What do I care that they’re celebrities? They’re going down twice as hard.”
“I…” Leshawna looks down. “Really, really don’t want to talk.”
Gwen is happier than her, and probably happier than she ever has been.
“Well, being back here sucks, but at least now I can safely say my life is a whole lot better. I’ve stopped dating and worked on myself and building a better life for both me and my daughter, May. I’ve also gotten into art and, later, into teaching.”
She’s glowing – you wouldn’t even recognize her as the same angsty teen from fifteen years ago. Her pink-lipped smile and light make-up, her colorful clothing and long, natural brown hair all make for the most unexpected transformation yet.
“I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but… I think things are looking up for me!”
“Where are the last four kids?” Noah raises an eyebrow. “You left out two finalists. That doesn’t seem like something you’d do.”
MK frowns in confusion. “You’ve watched the last seasons?”
Noah sighs, as if recalling something he’d rather forget.
“Yes. Owen made me,” he says as he points to the one mentioned. “He said we needed to—”
“Have info on the new contestants so we can get along better!” Owen cheerfully concludes for him.
Bowie, once again, frowns. “Okay, I’m gonna need some info myself now. Are you two—”
“Those last four were totally uninteresting,” Chris shrugs, “at least according to the fans. The producers picked the twelve most talked about contestants of each of your generations… Just so happened those four didn’t make it. Anyways… Now that introductions are out of the way, let’s settle the teams! There’s a lot of you, and I don’t want there to be too many people on one team, because it gives you advantages, which I’d hate for you to have. Therefore, there will be three teams this time around, as to separate you more!”
“Oh, goodie!” Noah exclaims, his tone so excited it’s deadpan. “I can’t wait to be put on a team with people I barely ever got to know. Throw it at me, Chris.”
“As you wish! Noah, Owen, Gwen, MK, Damien, Zee, Ripper and Axel, your team will be known as… The Rhetorical Raccoons!”
“Sick!” Zee exclaims. “I love raccoons, man!”
“Wow,” Gwen exclaims. “That’s surprisingly tame.”
“Don’t test me, Gwen,” Chris warns.
“Yeah, wanna give him more ideas?” MK scoffs. “And, hey, man, why couldn’t you put Julia and I together? Or do you want me to deal with Ripper and Axel licking faces all day alone?” She glances in the couple’s direction. “No offense.”
Ripper and Axel, who were literally just holding hands, shrug. Ripper is the one to say, “None taken.”
“You’ll work together as a team to tear them apart, I’m sure,” Chris gives her some encouragement and a wink.
“Don’t you think it’s a bit of a bad idea to put three of one generation and five of another in a team?” Noah raises an eyebrow. “There’s no balance.”
Chris laughs. “Where’s the fun in balance?!”
Noah and Gwen exchange deadpan expressions.
“I’ve watched the new seasons,” Noah announces, “and I know exactly who I should be looking out for, and who to avoid. Of course, it’s important to remember they are all helpless, idiotic children – but Damien and MK are going to be important in this equation. Both of them, albeit not finalists, nor ones to ever make it to the top, are, I think, great strategists, and although we lack Bowie or Julia, whose tactics I admired, we have two finalists from the original season. I’m positive our chances of success are high.”
“Noah’s the guy to ally myself with, I think,” MK hums. “I mean, the others are great and all, but I think Noah’s a hidden gem, y’know what I mean? And, anyways, it’ll be good to get on his good side if I can. He’s a tough one – all the more reason to appeal to him.” Now she giggles. “Okay, and, when I watched the show as a kid, he was my favorite. Sue me. I have an opportunity to get closer to my favorite almost-celebrity – I’m taking it, dude!”
“No people I’ve made enemies with, five relatively tame children, and a team name that’s not disgusting or weird.” Gwen is over the moon. “Not to jinx anything, but I couldn’t have asked for a better return to this shitty show!”
“The next team will be Duncan, Courtney, Bridgette, DJ, Priya, Emma, Bowie and Wayne! You eight are the balance Noah was so desperate for, and will be known as… The Winning Warthogs!”
“Wait!” Bowie and Wayne say at the same time.
With a groan, Chris answers, “Yes?”
“What about Raj?” Bowie asks, concerned. “You’re not putting him on a different team, are you?”
“Yeah, you’re not, right, coach?!” Wayne begs.
Chris grins.
“Oh, you kids never learn, do you?”
Courtney sizes up her team.
“Of course Chris would put me on the same team as Duncan.” Courtney smiles in annoyance. “It’s Chris. He wants to see us fight. Too bad – it’s not going to happen, because I don’t care for him like that anymore.” She looks away. “As for those two, Bowie and Wayne… The absence of Raj will be troubling for them, and therefore, for the team. I need to make sure their heads are in the game no matter what.”
“Raj, on a different team than me?” Bowie scoffs. “Chris is on another level of annoying this season.” Now he softens. “But… There’s Courtney. And as long as I get on her good side… I think I’ll be okay.”
“I’M NOT GOING TO BE OKAY!!!” wails Wayne.
“And, finally… Vickie, Leshawna, Lindsay, Heather, Alejandro, Raj, Julia and Nichelle, whose team will be known as… The Confused Condors!”
“I don’t know what our chances are,” Heather confesses. “I know Leshawna is good, but I don’t know what she thinks of me now, and how well we could work together. Lindsay and Vickie are famous and I don’t know how either of them responded to that fame, and Alejandro is… Well, Alejandro! Could he be mad at me for not speaking to him? Is he going to hate me? Or is he going to have forgotten about it and act fine towards me?” She groans. “I don’t know which is worse! Ugh, I need to get my head in the game and forget about him!”
Alejandro shrugs, unbothered. “I’m not going to let my teenage love interfere with the game. Heather and I were young and stupid, she’s lost interest over time, as have I.” His eyes widen. “Not that I care about whether or not she’s interested in me. I mean… Um… No. I don’t.” He clicks his fingers. “I’ve got plans. Big plans. Just you wait.”
Vickie short-circuits.
“So… Leshawna.” She chuckles. “Well… I was expecting that, in a way. Since we were…” She gets quieter as she continues speaking. “A couple, somewhat, but not really… I mean, I’ll have to try my best to impress her—I MEAN—” She clears her throat, which turns into a coughing fit, coupled with a few swears that are so unintelligible they aren’t even cut out.
“This is horrible!” Raj riots. “You can’t just take Bowie and Wayne away from me! That’s crude, coach, even for you!”
“Again, you just never learn!” Chris scoffs. “I had to divide some couples and friendships. Some people got the short end of the stick.”
“I’ll shorten your end of the stick!” Wayne threatens.
“What is that even supposed to mean?” Duncan frowns.
Wayne shrugs, just as lost as the adult.
“I dunno. It just sounded threatening.”
“Well, anywho…” Chris directs the attention to himself again. “Go on and leave your bags in your lodges now. You’ll see I’ve made some changes for this season. Guys, you get one cabin, girls, another. There are two rooms, so each generation gets one.”
“Hey, Chris?” Zee raises a hand. “Where do I go?”
“What—” Chris sighs. “Zee, you can do whatever you want, okay? Same for anybody else whose gender doesn’t work as intended. Don’t bother me with dumb questions.”
“Sick!” Zee exclaims and takes another sip of their soda.
Damien pats them on the back. “Just come with us, man.”
“Okay! You get the guys’ cabin, right?”
“Uh, yeah,” Ripper says, “I’d hope so. I thought you were a guy, too, though. Are you not?”
Zee thinks for a bit. “I don’t know. What’s a guy?”
Ripper freezes. “Um… Like… a smaller version of a man, I guess?”
Zee blinks. “What’s a man?”
It’s now Ripper’s turn to think. “Uh… Like… I don’t know, someone who… Uh… Makes girls… swoon?” Then he facepalms. “No, shit, anyone can make girls swoon, MK’s got Julia all over her and she’s not a dude. Get it together!” he tells himself. “Shit, man, you know what, I don’t know. Let’s just go.”
“Did I hear that right?” MK frowns in the confessional.
“Meet you back at the lodge in half an hour! Get to know each other in the meantime, or have a shower, walk around, do whatever!” Chris waves as he leaves the docks himself. “Have fun!”
“How can I compete without either Bowie or Wayne?” Raj tears up in the confessional. “I’m so lost without them! I can’t… I can’t do this!”
Now divided, the contestants each enter their cabins and the side corresponding to their generation. Bowie throws a glance in the direction of the adults, catching Noah’s eye as he does. The teenager tries to give him a smile, but the adult frowns and quickly looks away, stepping inside.
“These kids really idolize us, huh?”
“I know, right? It feels…”
“Great!” Owen ends his sentence.
“Weird,” Noah shudders.
The two exchange glances and laugh at their opposing answers.
“Well,” DJ smiles, “it’s because you have more strengths and experience than they do,” he says, as always, seeing the positive in things.
“Unless their strengths are manipulation,” Duncan rudely chimes in, just as Alejandro enters. “Then you’re fucked,” he adds, grinning maliciously, “just like last time you were on the show.”
Noah smiles, contorted and crude.
“At least I got hit earlier on. You lost your chance at a million dollars to Cody and Sierra, not just Alejandro and Heather.”
Duncan groans, obviously affected by the reminder.
“Oh, screw you. Sierra wasn’t even in the top three. I could’ve easily made it to the top four if not for those—”
“Amigo, you’re not still holding grudges after all that time, I hope.” Alejandro pats Duncan on the shoulder. “Come on, let’s relax! Being back at camp is a good time for us to reconnect and—”
Duncan smacks Alejandro’s hand off him, with a growl that would be laughed at in Julia’s comments sections.
“Back off, Al, unless you want me to personally see to your elimination.”
“Why so tense?” DJ sighs. “Alejandro’s right, Duncan. You gotta let off some steam, my man.”
“Why am I so angry?” Duncan scoffs, as if the answer should be obvious. “I’m back at the place I hate most with the people I hate most. And as if that’s not enough, my team is full of annoying or plain stupid people. Seriously, how am I even gonna get through the first challenge?” He groans. “And then, there’s…”
This is where he hesitates and sighs deeply.
“Courtney. That damn Courtney. I see the way she looks at me, man. She hates me.”
His shoulders drop as he gives another sigh.
“And I don’t blame her. I was an annoying little kid.”
“I don’t remember Duncan being this full of anger,” Owen hums. “I mean, sure, he had a lot of it, but it seemed to be more under control. And he always had this soft spot we’d all laugh about… I’m glad I don’t have to deal with his issues now that we’re on different teams. Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t have minded competing with him, but…” He shrugs. “Maybe… Maybe it’s better I’m not. Is that a mean thing to say?”
“Whatever,” Duncan huffs, just as stubborn as in his teens. He drops his suitcase on a random bed, without actually having unpacked anything. “I’m gonna go for a walk.”
“Don’t forget to go to the lodge to—” Alejandro starts, but Duncan exits the cabin before he can finish, slamming his door on the way out.
Noah snorts and shakes his head as a disappointed father would, only with a little more amusement, putting his things away as he does.
“Smells like team spirit…”
Duncan has claimed himself one bed, taking the top bunk, and nobody tried convincing him to share. Owen has bottom bunk, and Noah, the top, on the same bed. Alejandro and DJ ended up sharing one bed, with Alejandro at the bottom and DJ on top.
“Well,” Alejandro opens another topic, cautiously speaking, “even though Duncan has left, and I did wish for him to hear this, I’m going to tell you something. I am terribly sorry for my, er… past mistakes.” He searches the room for each of the four faces before him. “I was uncaring and dismissive. My manipulative acts were selfish and reflective of my unwise age. I’m not going to say I will completely let my guard down – I’m still here to win – but I am going to be kinder, and I will try to be a better, more honest player.”
Noah chuckles, leaning against his bed.
“Wow, you’ve learned how to apologize. Are you gonna learn how to win next?”
“Don’t push me, Noah.”
“Wouldn’t dream of it. Apology accepted, by the way.” Noah points at him. “Don’t screw it up.”
The ghost of a smile travels Alejandro’s face as he repeats, “Wouldn’t dream of it.”
“Is it just me,” Heather speaks, seated on one of the beds in the adult side of the girls’ cabin, “or are these cabins actually in safe and stable conditions?”
“They’re certainly not the same as I remember them,” Leshawna nods. “Do you remember the smell?”
“That was just Duncan,” Vickie chuckles.
All of the girls laugh at her statement, but Courtney laughs the loudest. Priya’s words from last season seem to be true; the power couple never really did manage to repair their bond.
Not all the women could pair up, their odd number being limiting. Vickie and Leshawna share a bed – Vickie on top, Leshawna, on the bottom – and Heather and Lindsay, another, with Heather claiming the top bunk. Gwen and Bridgette also partnered up, Bridgette at the top, and Courtney was left with a bed all to herself. She invited everyone to put leftover luggage on the top, so she’d get the bottom bunk.
“So, what have you all been up to?” Bridgette switches the subject, leaning over the railing of her bed. “Vickie, I’m really curious to hear about 4 Syllables. I really thought you’d gone under.”
“We’ve been through a lot of rough patches,” Vickie admits. “Especially when I publicly came out, things got… complicated.” She quickly adds, “Not between us, never! Cody was happy to not be the only trans person in the band, so it kinda made us bond even more, and Justin and Trent have been incredibly supportive and helpful. But it’s hard to be a band full of queer people,” she chuckles awkwardly, a certain sadness in her voice as she does. “Justin and Trent got all the shit when they announced they were together, then Cody was outed because people saw his scars during a concert, then it was me…”
“Shouldn’t your fans be supportive of you?” Gwen incredulously asks, filled with rage. “Those assholes have no right to listen to your music – that, by the way, I’ve heard, and it’s queer as hell, so I don’t know what they were expecting – then judge you and say hurtful shit.”
Vickie shrugs. “It’s not the fans. It’s the haters. We’ve had people during concerts just lunge on the stage and…” She shudders. “God. We joke about getting money from those that hate us, because, hey, a ticket is a ticket, but, at the end of the day, we’ve gotten seriously hurt more than a few times.”
“I heard about one of those times,” Leshawna says. “Back in 2020, during your last concert before the tour got cancelled because of the pandemic. That fan that jumped Justin… I’ll never forget that video.”
Vickie bitterly laughs. “Imagine seeing it in person…” She shakes her head. “I’m done talking about it. There are good parts to the job, too. Like all the support. It’s incredible how much other queer people say we’ve helped them just by existing.”
“I bet that’s nice,” Heather smiles, yet a hint of sadness is laced in it. Her old, cruel ways cannot be forgotten, and she knows nobody would receive any help from her own existence. “I’m seriously impressed, Vickie.”
Vickie smiles, and her smile is honest and heartfelt. “Thank you, Heather. But enough about me. What about you guys? I’ve heard Chris call some of you moms?”
“I am!” Lindsay excitedly raises her hand. “I have three kids!”
“Are you still with Tyler?” Heather asks.
“Of course I am!” Lindsay grins. “Tyler and I have been married since we were, like, 19! It was a decision both of our families looked down upon, but who’s laughing now? They’ve cut contact with us right before I started getting big as a model.” Lindsay winks. “Karma always comes to those that need it.”
“If that’s not the only lesson I’ve learned on this show…” Gwen chuckles. “I’m also a mom now, but just of one, my daughter, May.”
“Are you married?” Leshawna raises an eyebrow. “You’re incredibly private about your life, so it’s always impossible to know with you.”
Gwen chuckles. “You can’t blame me. And no, I’m not. After Total Drama, I figured some things out about myself, and I’ve stopped dating. May was my niece before my cousin lost custody. She was only three-years-old, and since the baby father just left without a word, she only had me.” She smiles, a mix of happy and sad. “So, here we are. She’s my entire world. And she inspired me to get into teaching.”
“You’re a teacher?” Courtney seems surprised.
“Yeah, I teach art in secondary and high school.”
“I’m a teacher too!” Bridgette says, happy to relate to her old friend. “I’m a swim coach for a girls team – those kids are really going places. They make me so proud.”
Heather chuckles. “I’m glad to hear you’ve all been doing so well.”
“What about you?” Leshawna asks. “What have you been up to?”
Heather shakes her head. “I’d rather not talk about it.”
Leshawna sadly smiles. “Yeah, I understand. Me neither.” She turns to Courtney. “Do you have any good news?”
Courtney chuckles. “Somewhat. I’ve been around these years. I’m an actress now; I mostly do animation, but two particular shows got Broadway shows that I ended up going on as well.”
“Wow!” Gwen’s eyes shine with admiration. “That’s great, Courtney! You know, come to think of it, I think I’ve heard your name a few times, but it never rang a bell.” Then she frowns. “What happened to being a lawyer, though?”
Courtney looks away, ashamed. “I couldn’t find a job because of my past on Total Drama. It hurt at first, but… Eventually, I realized it wasn’t even my calling. So, in the end, it all worked out.”
Gwen pats her on the arm.
“I’m glad. And, just to make sure… We’re good now, right? Like, all of us?”
“Of course!” Courtney smiles, and the other women all agree.
“What happened, happened,” Lindsay shrugs. “We’ve got bigger issues now.”
Vickie nods. “We’ve got to crush these kids.”
“Hell yeah!” Leshawna agrees. “We need to show them who’s boss!”
“Okay, how about this?” Heather raises a hand. “We should make a women’s only alliance, just us seven. With our combined strength and skills, we could get the men and kids out of the game in no time. We stand up for each other in our teams and we shift the votes towards the others. What do you think?”
“Damn, that’s vicious! I missed you!” Leshawna grins. “I’m in!”
Vickie chuckles. “Don’t have to ask me twice…”
Gwen grins. “Count me in. I could use some allies.”
The women all put their hands together. Their pact has been made.
On the younger side of the cabin, Priya is talking with Emma. Nichelle has dramatically flopped over on her bed and is lightly snoring and Axel is nowhere to be found, while Julia and MK are outside, so it’s the perfect time for some strategy.
“So, Courtney and Duncan are definitely the players we’ll need to keep on our good side. Bowie is also very valuable, but I don’t know how much he’s willing to listen to our opinions, and Wayne somehow won last season.” She puts up a finger. “So, that leaves DJ and Bridgette as the possible votes.”
“But they’re so nice!”
“They may be nice, but are they valuable to the team? Courtney, Duncan, Bowie and Wayne all have demonstrated their strengths time and time again – but Bridgette was among the early votes in her last two seasons, and I don’t know how much DJ has outgrown his fears in the meantime.”
“Hmm… I mean, you have a point… But why do you think I’m a good addition to the team? Or, like…” Emma nervously averts her gaze. “Not a good addition, but you haven’t suggested to get me out.”
“Of course I haven’t!” Priya frowns. “Look, the thing is…”
Emma curiously watches Priya as she sits on the bed next to her.
“Last season, it should’ve been me instead of you. So, now, I want to make it up to you. You were a great player in the first season – I believe you still have that drive. And together, we can rule this team.”
Emma’s eyes shine as she smiles.
“Oh, Priya…”
She grins and holds her hand up.
“We definitely will!”
The two high five, bright, hopeful smiles on their faces. In the doorway, MK and Julia gag.
“Those two are already getting along?” Julia sighs. “Shame. I was really hoping Emma would be out for Priya’s blood this season.”
“Hey, we can tear them apart after the merge.”
“Or while they’re still on their team…” Julia scoffs. “I wouldn’t want Priya to make merge again.”
“Ugh, I hear you…”
Julia frowns and looks at MK.
“Is your team, like… good? I’m worried with, you know, Owen, Ripper and Zee all being thrown in there.”
“Meh. I’ll work my magic somehow…”
“Let me know if you need any help.”
“Why?” MK raises an eyebrow, a smug smile playing on her lips. “Do you like me or something?”
“What?” Julia scoffs. “Come on, we’ve been over this. Get over yourself.”
“…Is what we told that singer.”
“Oh my God, he was totally pissed.”
“We got cancelled on, like, three different platforms.”
“Well, we took a risk.”
“It was funny, though.”
“Oh, no doubt.”
The two laugh together, then it cuts to them inside the confessional.
“Yeah, so, we started the podcast,” MK announces. “We’ve gotten a few people on. It never gets old. You invite them in, they’re like, ‘Oh, so stoked to be here’, we’re like, ‘Yeah, yeah, whatever’, then just start playing UNO in front of them, ask them to deal and not even invite them in the game, and talk about our lives instead of theirs.”
“We’ve been hacked by their bitter stans a few times,” Julia says, “but nothing that MK couldn’t solve by hacking them right back!”
The young boys, plus Zee, have meanwhile finished unpacking. Ripper sparks a conversation first, seeing nobody else take the initiative.
“Is it just me, or did Chris pull these teams out of his ass?”
Bowie chuckles. “Well, that’s quite the elegant way to put it.” He nods. “But I do agree. I don’t know what his way of thinking is, and I am afraid to ever find out.”
“Worst of all,” Raj exclaims, “he separated you and Wayne from me!”
“I’ll say, bro!” Wayne vehemently nods. “That’s an evil thing to do!”
Ripper rolls his eyes. “If anything, it’s evil for those around you. I’m glad I’m not on any of your teams…”
“I’m glad Chris put you and Axel together so you wouldn’t be the same,” Damien chuckles. “I could not handle you crying about how much you miss her, or… You know, be distracted during challenges.”
Ripper frowns. “Jeez, we’re not that bad.”
Damien chuckles. “Sure, buddy. Whatever you say.”
Bowie and Raj haven’t decided to share a bed together, as the hockey bros insisted on not being separated any more than they already were, and Bowie had to give into their adorable puppy eyes. Instead, Wayne got top and Raj got bottom on a bed. Ripper refused to share, and nobody was too eager to convince him, either. Bowie was also left with a bed of his own; Zee and Damien, meanwhile, took top and bottom, respectively.
“Come on, let’s get going,” Ripper changes the topic. “We’ve gotta meet our teams. Zee, Damien, you guys coming?”
“Right behind you,” Damien nods, while Zee simply gives a thumbs up, too busy drinking their soda to give a verbal response.
Raj, Wayne and Bowie exchange awkward glances. Bowie steps forward, next to Wayne, and eyes Raj.
“Well… We’re going to see what our team is up to. Will you be fine, babe?”
Raj nods. “Yeah, totally. Of course.”
Wayne is tearing up, a reaction Bowie expected. He puts a comforting hand on his back, and Raj offers him a slight smile.
“I don’t know what to do,” Raj admits. “Without Bowie and Wayne, and without any guy on my team except for Alejandro, I don’t know if I can fit in. I’m sure the girls will instantly blame us for our mistakes and get us out.” He sighs. “Is it even worth being here right now…?”
“I’ve gotten over my fear of Raj playing for the other team, I really have!” Wayne insists. “It’s just that… I forgot that means he’s not with me.” He straightens. “But I trust Bowie! I’m sure he’ll get us far, all the way to the merge! Next to Raj, he’s my other best friend!” He triumphantly puts his fist up to the sky. “Team Bowie!”
“Well?”
Alejandro startles at the voice all too well known to him and turns around. He has just gotten outside of the cabins and was prepared to walk around for a while, exploring the old camp while he had the time, but, for now, his plans must be forgotten.
“Well, what?”
“Well, what’s our plan?” Heather impatiently taps her own arm. “I assume you have one, as you always do, but you can’t exactly seduce teenagers, so I would think you’ve got a new one.”
Alejandro hums. “It’s true that I haven’t exactly thought of a strategy yet… To be honest, I’m worried about my chances.”
Heather raises an eyebrow. “Why’s that?”
“Raj and I are the only men on the team. I figured you ladies would team up against us and… Well.”
Heather averts her gaze. “Yeah, well… As long as you’re helpful in the challenges, we don’t need to kick you two out just yet. We’ll play fair, and—”
“You’ve already made an alliance with them, haven’t you?”
Heather is taken aback, and, when she gasps, Alejandro grins.
“You never got any harder to read.”
“I can… I can talk to them.”
“That would mean a lot to me.”
“…Whatever.” She looks away. “It’s not like I’m doing it for you. I’m doing it for the team. You’re… a valuable player.”
Alejandro is still grinning. “Uh-huh.”
Heather rolls her eyes. “God, you are still insufferable.”
Alejandro smiles widely. “Thank you. So are you.”
Heather smiles back, her eyes shining.
There’s another shine in the distance, behind a tree; some blue-framed glasses, whose owner’s eyes are watching the conversation intently…
“It’s like nothing ever changed,” she dreamily sighs in the confessional. Then her expression contorts into a crude grin. “We are going to crush these people.”
“Don’t you think it kinda sucks how there’s only three of us adults on the team?”
Noah shrugs. “I’m sure we’ll be great assets. Plus, the kids went wild over us. I seriously doubt they’d vote us out so fast.”
“I don’t know…” Gwen is still unconvinced. “Are you sure?”
“Come on, these kids are so nice!” Owen smiles.
“And as long as that couple doesn’t slow us down, I’m good,” Noah adds.
“Speak of the devil…”
The three turn around to see the rest of their teammates approaching: Ripper, Axel, Damien, Zee and MK all turn up at the same time.
“Hey, hey!” MK grins. “Gossiping about us, I assume?”
“Your assumption is right,” Noah confirms, not having acquired a filter with adulthood. “You’re MK, correct? I’ve heard about you. You’re the little trouble-maker.”
MK huffs. “I’m not little. I’m a whole five foot two, man.”
Noah snorts, but Owen frowns.
“Why are you laughing? You’re five foot five.”
As the others laugh, Noah rolls his eyes and turns to MK.
“Ignore the six-foot-tall man and look me in the eye. I trust you, which will either be my fatal mistake, or my best decision. So, try to be useful.”
“Wow,” Zee exclaims, “you’re kinda stuck up, man. You need some help unwinding?”
“I don’t want to know what that is implying,” Damien frowns.
“Yeah, hard pass,” Noah agrees.
“It’s weed, man,” Ripper frowns, confused at their own confusion. “It’s kinda obvious by the subtext.”
“Hell yeah! I’ll take you up on that after the challenge!” MK enthusiastically agrees.
Zee frowns. “I was not referring to that?”
“Really?” Ripper is taken aback. “But you’re so, like… Floating through life and stuff, you get me? How are you not high?”
“I’ve never gotten high.”
“Seriously??”
“I don’t doubt that this is just how they are,” Noah snorts, then grins at Owen. “After all, everyone but us and Eva thought Izzy was on drugs the whole time, when it turns out, she’s just like that.”
“Then what was that about unwinding?” Axel is still confused, and rightfully so.
Zee shrugs. “I dunno. I was just offering my friendship.”
Gwen sighs. “Wow. You clueless teens really make me feel like I never left.”
Zee grins. “Thanks, dude!”
Gwen, Owen and Noah exchange confused glances.
“I do get high a lot,” Zee chuckles. “Chris just advised me not to say that on TV, since I share my not-so-secret stash with him, in order for him to allow me to smoke on the grounds. But I couldn’t hide the truth in the confessional. I gotta confess my sins, right?” They shrug again. “I don’t know how this works; I’ve never been to church.”
Then they frown.
“Wait a second, was the confessional being aired on TV?”
There’s two people on the same team whose not-so-happy past is threatening to catch up with them. One wants to talk it out…
“So—”
And another…
“Leave me alone.”
…not so much.
“Just like that?”
“Yes, just like that.”
“Listen, I just want to—”
“I don’t care what you—”
“Please, Courtney. All I want to do is talk to you.”
“Do you really think that will solve everything? I’ve taken a pact to ignore you. I’m planning on keeping it. After all…”
“What?”
“My employers… wouldn’t like me getting angry on this show again. It’s done really bad things for my reputation, Duncan. It was so hard to get where I am now because of my time on here. Not like you would understand… When you’re a metal singer, a bad attitude is basically required for the job.”
“Well, I can’t argue with that—but nevermind that. Do you really think whatever I have to say will anger you? Can’t we just talk for now?”
“…Fine. I suppose I should hear you out on—”
“Yo, yo, yo, hey, everyone!”
Wayne, more chipper than just a few minutes ago, approaches his teammates. Alongside him is Bowie, who has an excited smile on his face as he looks at Courtney. DJ and Bridgette also approach.
“I’m Wayne!” he introduces himself, shaking the hands of each of the adults. “I know who you guys are, though, so no need for you to introduce yourselves.”
“Hm,” DJ murmurs to Bridgette. “I really didn’t expect them to be this happy to meet us.”
Bridgette softly chuckles. “Can you believe we’re like legends to this generation? Sometimes, it’s hard to remember that.”
“Nice to meet you two,” Courtney nods towards Wayne and Bowie. Upon being acknowledged by his idol, Bowie lets out a small gasp, but immediately covers his mouth with his hand. “And I’m sorry Chris separated you from Raj. I know how it feels.”
Duncan looks away. Meanwhile, Wayne scoffs, exaggerating his actions, as if only pretending to be fine. “Nah, don’t worry about us. We’ll be totally fine without each other. I’ve been separated from him before… At, like, er… Six years old, once, for about five minutes. Oh, and when I sleep! That too, definitely.”
The adults exchange concerned glances, but they don’t get to say more, as their other two teammates approach.
“I am so excited to be working with you!” Priya is chipper and upbeat. “You’ve been my idols since basically my birth!”
“That’s… flattering, but also, terrifying,” DJ notes. “Your parents have really been training you for this show since you were born?”
“Yup!”
“Poor you,” Bridgette sighs. “I wouldn’t want my girls anywhere near Camp Wawanakwa. Geoff and I even banned all reality TV in our house!”
“Pff, it’s fine,” Priya assures. “Total Drama is my life. I’m excited to still be here after two seasons!”
“I wouldn’t be, and never was,” Duncan deadpans.
Bowie, Wayne and Emma exchange worried glances.
“Well…” Bowie awkwardly tries to change the subject. “What do you think the first challenge will be? We need to be incredibly prepared for this.”
“I really doubt Chris would throw us into the lion’s den from the first challenge,” DJ shrugs. “The newer challenges seemed pretty tame compared to our old ones, at least on TV, so… How hard could it be?”
But the drop from the mountain is the same size, just as terrifying as before.
“Well, shit.”
DJ’s lovely use of vocabulary is cut out and replaced with the caw of a bird before the screen goes black.