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“I can’t do this.” Stede repeated for what must have been the twentieth time in the last hour. Izzy ignored him and rolled his eyes before going back to sharpening the sewing needle in his hand.
“Izzy I’m serious!” The blonde whined at the lack of a response. His hands were fidgeting in his lap, and he looked so pale that Izzy was almost worried he was actually going to faint. Almost.
“No, you’re not.” Izzy huffed out, giving the needle in his hand a once over before deeming it sharp enough. His knees cracked uncomfortably as he rose out of the fancy chair he had been sitting in, and his wooden leg thudded against the floor of the ship as he (begrudgingly) made his way over to where the gentleman pirate himself was sitting, dressed in white silk and surrounded by decorative pillows.
Stede squirmed away from Izzy as he sat down next to him on the bed, and brought his hand up to cover his ear like a defiant child.
“Listen, I know I said I wanted you to do this, but I’m beginning to have second thoughts so if you could please-“ Izzy watched as he gestures nervously to the needle in his ungloved hand, “put that needle away. I don’t trust you not to stab me again, no offense.”
Izzy wasn’t offended. Mostly because if given the chance, he probably would stab Stede again. In fact, this might be his only chance to reasonably see Stede cry like a baby at his hands. Whatever, that was a normal thing to want.
“You want to be a better pirate?” He asks, giving the taller man a steely glare. Stede nodded timidly in response. “Well then the first step is to look the part. Nobody will ever take you seriously if you keep dressing like the absolute ponce you are.”
“It’s just that needle looks so-“ Stede began, but was cut off by the squeak that left his mouth as Izzy pressed an ice cold rag to his ear. “That’s cold!”
He observantly stated like an idiot.
“It’s numbing your skin, so the piercing won’t be as painful.” Izzy explained with as much boredom as he could muster. “Though I assure you Bonnet, sitting through your complaints will still be just as painful for me.”
“I didn’t ask you to do this, you know.” The blonde snipped defensively, suddenly gaining an attitude. He shot Izzy a look that was probably supposed to resemble annoyance, but just looked kind of vaguely upset.
“I distinctly remember you did. You said ‘Oh Iggy I want a cool ear piercing so Edward and I can have matching earrings even though he wants to kill me an use me as shark bait.’” He hadn’t actually said that last part, but Izzy thought it was important to mention.
Stede fixed him with another attempted annoyed look. “Yes, well, now I've changed my mind.” He stated, trying to learn farther away from Izzy who kept tugging him closer by the earlobe.
Izzy made sure to put as much malice into his voice as he spoke next. “You are my captain. That means when you give an order, it’s my job to carry it out.” Stede was evidently not satisfied with that answer, as he continued to try and scurry away like a startled cat. Izzy changed tactics, letting go of the blonde’s ear to grip him by the shirt sleeve and pull him so close that their knees knocked together. “Now sit still.”
Finally out of fight, Stede huffed through his nose and crossed his arms over his chest as he settled against the bed. His back was ramrod straight though, as if one wrong move would initiate his fight or flight response. And he’d already attempted the flight part, so Izzy didn’t feel like taking his chances.
Stede hummed anxiously as Izzy rubbed some fancy coconut oil onto where the needle would go, per request. It seemed Bonnet was meticulous about everything he did. They sat in silence for a long while, long enough that Stede was starting to relax and Izzy was starting to fall into routine, (this wasn’t his first piercing job., after all. He’d done Edward’s, Fang’s, and many others over the years,) but then the blonde spoke again, ruining everything.
“You called me your captain.” He said, looking at Izzy out of the corner of his eyes in an attempt to keep his head still.
“You and Edward are co-captains, so that makes you my captain. As much as I despise the fact.” He grumbled in response, still trying to get his work done with as little interruption as possible.
Stede sighed dramatically, his shoulders dropping. “Not anymore. He revoked that title. You’re just his now.”
Izzy tensed, the phrasing making his heart drop, like missing the last step on the stairs. ‘Just his.’ Just Edward’s. But he wasn’t, and it was a silly thought to be having. Stupid Stede Bonnet was always getting in his head and he was too dull to even realize he was doing it.
“Oh.” Was all Izzy said for a long moment. Then, “Well you can consider that I'm doing this as your friend.” He said with a shrug. He went to reach for Stede’s ear again, but stopped as Stede turned to face him fully.
“We’re friends?” He asked, wide eyed and hopeful, like he was being filled to the brim with love. Like how he looks at Edward. Disgusting.
“No.” Izzy said, just to watch Stede’s face fall. “But you can consider it. Now turn your head.”
The blonde huffed with disappointment that only made Izzy grin as he turned back to face towards the room. He was still staring at him out of the corner of his eye, but Izzy could deal with the scathing look as long as Bonnet could stay still.
Everything seemed to be going well as Izzy brought the needle up, but as soon as he even touched it to pale skin, Stede was throwing himself across the bed and blubbering like a wounded animal. Izzy’s eye twitched and he barely kept himself from strangling the man to death by digging his nails into the comforter beside him.
“What is it now, Bonnet?” Izzy hissed out from behind clenched teeth. Stede’s face went from frightened to agitated as he spoke, as if he had the gall to be mad at Izzy right now.
“It just frightened me a bit is all. I mean you didn’t even give me a warning. So you don’t have to be a dick about it.” He said, recovering from his outburst and sitting back upright.
Izzy scoffed, though it probably sounded more like he was coughing, as he pressed the tip of the needle against the blonde’s earlobe. “I wouldn’t have to be a dick about it if you weren’t being such a pansy about this.” He spit out.
Stede flinched at the cool press of the metal, but it didn't seem to cool his temper any. “Just because you have this perfect idea of what a real man is doesn’t make me a pansy, and im sure Ed would agree with me that-“
He didn’t get to finish his sentence, cut off by his own punched out shout as Izzy clenched his jaw as hard as he could and stabbed the needle through Stede’s ear with careless aggression just to make him stop talking.
Blood dripped satisfyingly onto his hand, and he had a moment of adrenaline filled victory before he realized half the blood was from himself. The needle had wedged itself into the pad of his pointer finger that was situated behind the other man’s ear, caught in the crossfire of a nasty piercing job.
He tried to yank his hand away, needle and all, but the wide end of the metal was caught on Stede’s ear and wouldn’t go through with ease. He tugged again, just for good measure as the blonde let out a pained yelp, before his finger dislocated itself from the needle. As soon as it did, the blood began spilling tenfold, and had flowed down his hand and onto the white silk of the other man’s shirt.
He swore under his breath, trying to put pressure on the wound that just resulted in more blood coming off onto his other hand. Thankfully, one of them was thinking competently in the moment, as Stede had grabbed the damp towel from earlier and pushed Izzy’s uncut hand away to cover the bloody one with it.
He looked ridiculous like this, needle hanging from his ear that was still bleeding, (though much less than Izzy’s hand) and his shirt covered in small scatterings of red from both their wounds.
“I thought you said you’d done this before?” Stede said, looking at him with a weird, uncomfortable mix of anger and worry.
“I have. You were the one who was rattling on and making it impossible to concentrate.” Izzy bites back, inhaling sharply as Stede applied more pressure to his finger.
“Well I'm sorry, I didn’t realize Edward was such a touchy subject for you. And I thought I was the pansy.” The blonde replies with that pissy voice Izzy is sure is used only for him.
He wasn’t sure if it was the stabbing pain in his hand, or the fact that Stede was saying such cruel things as he gently cleaned the blood off his scarred hand, but suddenly his eyes were watering and chest felt horribly tight.
“Oh dear…” Stede sighed, affection seeping into his voice. “Come on, let’s get you cleaned up.” Izzy did his best to protest, mirroring the other man’s behavior just minutes ago as he tried to tug his hand away and curl in on himself. But Stede obviously didn’t care that he was humiliating him as he tenderly pulled him to his feet (foot, really) and led him to the en suite bathroom connected to the massive captain’s quarters. Why they didn’t do the piercing in there where everything would be much easier to clean, Izzy hadn’t the faintest idea. Perhaps he just wanted to ruin something Stede thought was nice. Served him right.
Finally out of Bonnet’s grasp, Izzy sat down on the lip of the bathtub and kept the towel and his hand cradled close to his chest defensively. He watched through narrow eyes as the blonde ducked down and began rummaging through a cabinet, his curls hiding his face till he drew back, ornate wooden box in his hand.
“It’s my personal first aid kit!” He explained, as if he was excited to play doctor. “You never know when you could get injured in this dangerous pirating life.” Izzy scoffed and rolled his eyes at Stede’s ridiculous behavior, but didn’t verbally complain as the bloody rag was pulled away from his hand and tossed aside. He focused on steadying his shaking hand as ointment was applied to the cut and neatly wrapped in bandages.
Then Stede did something so dear, so simple, that Izzy swore his heart actually stopped beating. As the last bandage was sealed, he watched as his captain brought his hand up to his face and pressed a feather light kiss to the pad of his finger. His eyes had fluttered shut, blonde eyelashes curled against his cheeks, and Izzy felt ill.
He should have yanked his hand away, or slapped the other man for being so crude and flirtatious. At the very least Izzy should have yelled at him before storming off for the rest of the night. But all he could manage was to sit there, paralyzed in shock as he willed away the lump in his throat.
As if suddenly conscious of his actions, Stede looked up at Izzy and dropped his hand like it had burned him. His cheeks flushed with embarrassment as he spoke. “I uh, apologize. That was out of habit. You see, I used to do it whenever one of the children got injured. They insisted every time, saying it helped them feel better.” He stumbled over an excuse to try and dissipate the awkwardness suffocating the room. “Do you feel better?” He asked dumbly.
Izzy only nodded, which made a small smile of relief grace Stede’s face. He got up, his knees shaking even though they had no right to be, and reached into his pocket, pulling out a small, shimmering golden hoop. Stede’s eyes lit up like before as Izzy tried not to throw the jewelry at him, and instead tossed it half hazardly so the blonde could catch it.
“Did you get this for me?” Stede asked, his voice quiet and disgustingly soft. He was staring at the hoop in his palm, moving it ever so slightly back and forth to watch the light catch on it.
“What did I think I was going to pierce your fucking ear and not have anything to put in it?” Izzy grumbled out, the heat he intended to put behind the statement nowhere to be heard. “Edward wears silver, so my only choice was to get you something gold. I doubt it’s real anyways.” He explained.
But none of that mattered to Stede apparently, who was looking at the jewelry like he was holding the sun in his hands. Slowly, he unhooked the clasp and slid the ring into the blood crusted hole in his ear. He winced as it went in, but ultimately got it fastened again as beamed at Izzy when he did.
“How do I look?” He asked Izzy as if he should care.
“I don’t fucking know, like a slightly more competent pirate captain. Just make sure to clean it every night with alcohol or it’ll get infected and I’ll be allotted the pleasure of cutting it off.” Izzy replied with his thinly veiled compliment. This just made Stede grin wider, which in turn made Izzy feel more like he was going to vomit.
“Well I think we should both be headed off to bed then. It’s been an awfully long night for both of us.” Stede sighed, his sentence punctuated with a yawn.
More than thankful to be released, Izzy hurried towards the door leading back up to the deck as Stede called to him from across the room, “And Izzy? Thank you.”
Izzy pointedly didn’t look at him to avoid seeing whatever sappy face he was making, instead muttering a quick, “Yeah, fuck off Bonnet.” before shutting the door tightly closed behind him.
And if Lucius and Pete gave him an utterly bewildered look when they saw his clothes covered in blood and a smile on his face as he left, then he’d relish in that too. Izzy takes his wins when he can.