Work Text:
Let it be known that Eddie Diaz doesn’t believe in ghosts, jinxes, curses or anything of the nature.
So when the concept of soulmates was explained to him, he immediately denied it.
The idea that there was someone out there perfectly created for you sounded like a glitch in the system.
He threw the idea away even further when he met Shannon in school. She captivated him in a way that he had never been captivated before, and when the pair shared their confession of love to no avail that they were soulmates, they decided to lie.
Tell everyone they were soulmates and move on.
The plan worked perfectly, especially when she fell pregnant at the end of their senior year.
Everything worked smoothly.
Sure, he went on tour, almost died multiple times, ended up moving Christopher to California, watched his wife and supposed soulmate die in front of him, but the conversation of soulmates was never hard.
He would just shrug it off, and pray nobody pried.
What Eddie was not expecting, however, was Evan Buckley and the 118.
More specifically Buck, just because he was so interested in everyone’s soulmate. He swooned when Hen recounted her story with Karen. He almost cried when Maddie and Chimney announced that they were soulmates and had looped a day in July.
He was the opposite of Eddie, and Eddie didn’t mind.
For everything he could say about his partner, the reveal on a cold day in November that he was suing the department and the city of Los Angeles was something he was shocked by.
He knew that the tsunami was hard.
He knew that the blood clots were hard.
He knew that being put to work at a desk with a clipboard was hard.
He just didn’t realize it was so hard that Buck felt like he had to sue the department.
So, on November 5 when he, Chimney, Hen and Bobby made their way to a meeting, he felt a weird pain in his side that he couldn’t quite explain.
Sitting across from Buck, motionless and emotionless Buck, the pain was back.
Listening as the lawyer spewed information he told Buck in confidence, the pain got worse.
His heart rate increased and he felt like someone was applying pressure between his eyes.
As he stood up to leave, he almost fell, his legs feeling like they didn’t work anymore.
He met up with the rest of the 118, and as they were talking about the meetings and how wrong it was for Buck to tell his lawyer personal details about their lives, the pain was so bad that he collapsed in the elevator in front of them.
He vaguely heard someone say “are you okay” but he couldn’t respond.
The world went black and Eddie Diaz had collapsed in front of the people he called his family.
Mornings at the Diaz house were routine, which was something Eddie took comfort in. As he settled into a rhythm in California, he got everything down to the millisecond.
The amount of times he could snooze his alarm.
The perfect milk to coffee (or milk to cereal) ratio.
The perfect time to leave the house for work depending on the day of the week and the predicted traffic
The only times that routine changed was when Christopher was at a sleepover, or Eddie didn’t have to work. The former happened more often, and had happened on November 4 leading into November 5.
So, when Eddie woke up and didn’t hear Christopher, he panicked. Distantly, he knew that he was supposed to pick him up after work on the 5th.
The silence was loud.
Far too loud for Eddie’s comfort.
So he struggles out of bed, his hands fumbling for his phone, which is positioned under his pillow, chord connected.
FRIDAY NOVEMBER 5 Reminders:
Pick up Christopher after work
Start dinner before heading to work
Meet up with Chimney to go to the meeting with the lawyer and Buck
Eddie’s heart stops.
(Realistically, it should have stopped when he saw the date, but he was so used to the routine that checking his reminders took priority over the fact that it was fucking November 5.)
He stumbles once more, unlocking his phone and texting Christopher before frantically calling Hen.
She picks up immediately, and he sighs hearing the exhaustion laced in her tone.
“Diaz.” she says. “You called me at 5am because…”
“What’s the date, Hen?”
She groans and he can hear her hit the pillow and mumble a quick apology to Karen. “It’s November 5.”
“That’s not possible. Yesterday was November 5. I… we… I lived the whole day. You were there. Chimney was there, hell, even Buck was there.”
The world fates out for a minute and Eddie finds himself focusing on his heart.
The pain from the previous day — the same day? — was still there but in smaller increments. Like the world around him was a place where his heart could beat the sound it was always supposed to.
It wasn’t quite like freedom, because he wasn’t trapped. But it felt like the weight on his chest he had been holding for God knows how long was gone.
And he didn’t know what to feel.
All he knew was that yesterday was November 5. But somehow today was also November 5.
He, Eddie Diaz, was looping.
Which only had one explanation that made any sense given the circumstances of his life.
He had met his soulmate and the universe was testing him.
There was a small part of him that wanted to keep pretending like Shannon was his soulmate. Going along with the story he created made his life easier.
It allowed him to run from things he had spent so much time avoiding that he forgot they were there. His mind was a place that he couldn’t trust, and pretending he found his soulmate allowed him to avoid the topic.
Because who wants to ask a guy about his dead ex-wife who was his soulmate?
“Eddie.” Hen says quietly. “I know you’ve been avoidant of the idea of soulmates, but have you—”
“No, Hen.” he cuts her off, a strange feeling rising in his throat. “I, Shannon was my soulmate. I loved her. She loved me. She was my world. We looped together. It’s impossible.”
Hen sighs. “You know, I was in a similar situation.”
“I don’t need a pep talk about soulmates, Hen.” he says. “It’s probably just a really bad dream.”
The line is quiet for a minute before it goes dead without another word.
Eddie concludes that he deserves that and frowns, flopping his weight back onto the pillow, feeling the mattress below him mold to his body once more.
Hen’s work sunk into his system, and he found himself sick.
Most people, he imagined, took great excitement in the prospect of falling in love with their soulmate. He had been around plenty of people that had experienced the process of looping while he knew them to understand vaguely that it was an exciting thing.
He just couldn’t feel that joy.
The only thing that was flooding through him was guilt and pain at the prospect of the fact that he was too trapped in his own past, too wounded by his own act to try and find the person he was supposed to spend forever with.
If he really was repeating November 5, that meant that somewhere out there someone else was doing the same along with him and they were waiting for him. He was being selfish, letting someone down. Not just someone, he was letting his soulmate down. The person he was supposed to spend his entire life with.
The person that was supposed to make him feel like he was put on the Earth just to love them. His heart was supposed to beat in perfect unison with them. He was supposed to have a bad day and go to them, his heart pounding, and they were supposed to be waiting. Waiting for him.
Out there, someone was waiting for him. And he was actively avoiding the entire idea.
He allowed himself to feel the overwhelming pain before his phone buzzed beneath him with a text from Karen.
Eddie had mingled with Hen’s wife enough to have her phone number, but the most recent text the two shared was when he had texted Karen happy birthday almost a year ago, so to see that she had texted him left a fearful feeling in his throat, but he unlocks his phone and reads it anyway.
Google Search: “Two Perfect Hearts”
Hi, Eddie. First of all, I would like to apologize for my wife hanging up on you. Denny came into our room and she figured the conversation was not one you would want anyone to overhear. That being said, I know you don’t believe in supernatural things or anything like that, but I think you might be interested in this theory, especially since to my knowledge and Hen’s, you aren’t dating anyone. I hope you find your person, Diaz. You deserve it.
Staring at the link and scanning the article, Eddie frowns.
The idea that he and his soulmate’s bond transcended both time and space sounded like something out of one of the many sci-fi movies that Christopher insisted the two watched recently. He shakes his head and stuffs his phone under his pillow. Whoever his soulmate was, if they were real, a part of him didn’t want to see them.
He knew that they were going to be disappointed by him, no matter how supposedly perfect they were for each other.
So, instead of dealing with the issue head on, Eddie stands up and proceeds with his morning routine.
If he pretended like the issue wasn’t real, then maybe eventually, like every other thing that came into Eddie’s life, it would go away with time.
Until the grocery store around 7pm, November 5 was a pretty relaxing shift.
So it confused Eddie when he walked into the firehouse and Hen immediately drags him up the stairs to the kitchen where Chimney, Bobby and Athena were standing, with Bobby’s signature breakfast sitting on the table waiting for him.
As far as he was aware, Athena hadn’t been there when he lived through the original day.
(Original day because he was looping and this was the second time he was going through November 5.
God this reality was going to take a little bit of getting used to.)
“Hey guys.” he says, trying to keep his voice casual.
Chimney smiles and leans forward. “So, is there anything you want to tell us about, Diaz? Perhaps any predictions from the future for us?”
Eddie rolls his eyes and serves himself a plate before sitting across from Athena, who he notices is glaring at him. “Not that I can think of, no.”
“Really?” Chimney questions. “No injuries we should be aware of that happen today? Anything at all?”
“Chimney, don’t bother him.” Bobby says, handing Eddie a glass of water. “But seriously, Diaz, if there’s anything you feel the need to tell us about…”
Eddie’s eyes fall to Hen who rolls her eyes. “I have nothing to say that someone hasn’t already said.” Athena leans forward, deepening her frown and Eddie feels what he can only describe as a chill go down his spine. “Bobby, your wife is terrifying.”
“I know she is.” he comments.
“Alright, alright.” Eddie says. “If it will stop you guys asking questions, yes I fell in love with my soulmate. No, I don’t know who she is. And none of you are going to remember this when I wake up tomorrow because I’m going to loop until she shows up.”
Much to Eddie’s confusion, Chimney digs around in his back pocket and pulls out his wallet, effectively taking out fifteen dollars and handing it to Bobby, who’s standing there, his hand held out.
“What are you doing?”
Hen rolls her eyes. “They bet on this.”
“They what? You bet on me?”
“Let it be known that I had nothing to do with this.” Hen supplies before grabbing her own fifteen dollars. “Until I did and the very obvious pining got too bad.”
“The very obvious…” Eddie shakes his head. “What are you guys talking about?”
“There were two bets going on technically.” Chimney tells him, his mouth full of pancakes. “One of them was about you lying about Shannon being your soulmate.” A sting goes through Eddie at the mention of his ex wife. Most people on the 118 knew better than to mention her. “The other one was about you and he-who-will-not-be-named pining for each other. We’re still waiting for confirmation about that one.”
Eddie feels his jaw fall to the floor as more of coworkers pass Bobby money.
Some of them are laughing as they do it, and others are giving him a look of sympathy while patting their hearts in a way that reminds Eddie of someone playing a character in a Shakespeare play.
There was too much to focus on in the reveal that he feels his knees buckle. Thank God he was sitting down, or he would be on the floor.
“You guys were betting on me?” he questions. “And by extension Buck? This is a joke, right? This is like The Truman Show isn’t it? You’ve been secretly filming me for weeks waiting for the perfect moment to drop some bullshit theory on me.”
The 118 collectively let’s out a laugh.
“I’m proud of you for making a Truman Show reference.”
“I wouldn’t let any of them do that to you, Eddie.”
“To be honest, I wouldn’t be surprised if there were hidden cameras in this place. I’ll have some of my guys check on it just to be safe. God knows what you all say in here that someone dangerous might be interested in.”
“How did you know we were talking about Buck?”
Eddie can feel his head spinning and he has never wished more for the alarm to start going off. But he knows that nothing is going to happen for a few more minutes.
Long enough for the 118 to grill him, evidently.
“I’m not answering any of those questions.”
(He does, immediately, realize that he was only asked one question and his refusal to answer was probably enough of an answer to the person that had voiced it, but he prays that nobody brings it up.)
Once the words leave his mouth, Athena gets a text on her phone and gets up, effectively saying her goodbyes and leaving the team to their devices.
Chimney soon follows, muttering something about how he has to text Maddie.
Hen glances at Eddie and shakes her head, before declaring that she wants to make sure the engines are stoked for the day — Eddie knows they are, but that’s something that he knows and she doesn’t need to, so he just smiles and waves goodbye.
Once they each leave, he waits for Bobby to make an excuse to leave too.
There were plenty of reasons he could think of.
He has to go do time sensitive paperwork in his office, which seemed to be a fan favorite.
He has to go make sure the grocery list is prepared for the trip later. Technically Eddie is the only one that knows about the trip that Bobby has planned, but that’s neither here nor there.
Instead Bobby makes himself a plate and sits down next to Eddie, who’s picking at his own food.
The pair sit in silence before Eddie clears his throat, begging for a conversation starter to pop into his head.
“So… the game last night.” He settles on.
Bobby chokes back a laugh. “Yeah, Diaz, the game last night. Absolutely crazy stuff.”
“Okay come on, you can’t blame me for not wanting to talk about this.” Eddie defends. “I mean, it’s not…”
“It’s not something you want to talk about with your captain. I get it.” Bobby says. “Plus, I don’t remember asking you any questions relating to what I’m assuming you’re alluding to. I was just eating my breakfast and you happen to be sitting with me.”
Eddie smiles, taking peace of mind in the fact that he doesn’t want to talk to him about it.
Unfortunately, like most comforts he found, Bobby clears his throat five minutes later.
“So, your soulmate, huh?”
Eddie forces out a laugh. “Yeah, I guess.”
“And you have no intention of..”
“For right now, no.” he replies. “Not because I’m scared or anything. I just don’t know if I’m ready.”
Bobby thinks for a moment. “I know the team has their theories, as you heard. Do you have any ideas?”
“None. I haven’t really dated anyone since Shannon died. Between work and now the lawsuit… I’ve been busy.”
“You remember that you have to fall in love with your soulmate, right?” Bobby questions. “So whoever they are, you must know them enough to have fallen in love.”
In his mind, somewhere, Eddie knows he’s right.
There had been so many times growing up that Eddie asked various family members why it couldn’t be when you met your soulmate.
He went on countless rants on how ridiculous it was; even Christopher had asked the same question when Eddie told him about soulmates.
Falling in love was hard enough.
But falling in love with your soulmate? The thought made Eddie sick.
Even though he had apparently already done it.
“Yeah, I know Bobby.” Eddie says quietly.
And that’s the end of that before an alarm blares and Eddie is thrown back into action where he belongs.
After what feels like twenty years, Eddie finally got sick of the same routine everyday.
(Really it was more like fifteen loops, but he lost track and figured counting was a waste of his time.)
The same thing everyday was supposed to feel comforting to him, but at some point it shifted from comfort to agitating.
Waking up, working out, going to work, breakfast, a few calls before the meeting with Buck and his lawyer, a few more calls, heading to the grocery store with the team and seeing Buck there, picking up Christopher and making a pizza for dinner.
Everything was so the same that it made Eddie feel like he was just living in a simulation.
There was also a weird feeling in the pit of his stomach about whoever his soulmate was. He had been through November 5 so much that he was wondering where they were.
Why they hadn’t found him yet.
The only explanation that he could think of was that he wasn’t their soulmate.
So even with the world of perfectly planned out soulmates, he was still destined to be alone because he wasn’t someone anyone could love.
It came to him on his seventeenth loop, not that he was counting because he wasn’t, and he left his house at the same time. But instead of heading to work, he went to church, which was four hours away.
There was technically one closer that he knew Bobby had gone to a few times, but he wanted to go far enough away that he could possibly sike himself out in the car on the ride.
Throughout Eddie’s childhood, he got used to church every Sunday. Praying at the dinner table.
Everything.
But at some point in his life, he realized that church and religion wasn’t something he saw himself devoting his life to. So, he stepped away from the church and felt free to a level he couldn’t explain. As he was repeating the day for what felt like a lifetime and a half, though, he was reminded of the fact that church was supposed to be a place where a person was supposed to feel safe and sheltered.
And he knew he needed to feel safe and sheltered.
His heart was in his throat as he approached the building, and as he stepped inside, there was a brush of cold air and a man approached him in two seconds, a warm smile on his face.
“Hi.” he says. “I’m Jack. How can I help you?”
Eddie leans back. “Oh. Um, I’m Eddie. Eddie Diaz. I was hoping… I could talk to someone?”
Jack smiles and Eddie feels something bubbly inside of him that he can’t place. “Oh of course. You’re in the right place. What kind of things do you need to talk about?”
“Soulmates.” Eddie replies blankly.
The man nods. “Oh, well, I can help you.”
Eddie hadn’t been inside of a church in so long that the casualness of the conversation was foreign to him.
Every time he ever joined a member of his family to church and confession, it always felt so forced and strict. But Jack wasn’t a strict person, rather, he made Eddie feel safer than a lot of people had in his life.
Jack leads him to a pew in the corner and sits down, gesturing to the seat next to him.
“Alright, Eddie.” Jack says. “What’s going on?”
“Were you raised catholic, Jack?”
He seems to have taken the poor kid off guard, but credit to his craft, Jack comes back to life and thinks. “No.” he replies shortly. “Some personal things happened to me a few years ago and I had to turn somewhere. Most would turn to a therapist, drugs, alcohol, that kind of thing. But I turned here. I ended up growing in a way I wasn’t expecting. So now I give advice for people who need me.”
“I like your story, Jack.”
He nods. “So, what’s going on? Is there trouble in paradise?”
“There can’t be trouble in paradise because I don’t know who they are. I’ve been stuck here for weeks. And they haven’t found me, I haven’t looked for them either.”
“Why haven’t you looked for them Eddie?”
“I’m scared.” he admits, his voice quiet. “I lied to people in my life for years that my ex-wife was my soulmate. I got so comfortable pretending that I kind of forgot that there was my real soulmate out there. And now I’m sitting here wondering who they are. Plus, people close to me keep thinking my best friend is my soulmate and I can’t really talk to him or handle that right now.”
Jack stares at him for a minute and Eddie registers his own words.
The word him had bounced off of his tongue with a romantic context, in a setting that Eddie thought was unsafe for people like…
Not him.
Not him.
Not him.
“So you’re afraid that if you go to him or whoever your soulmate may be, that they’re going to turn you down.”
Eddie frowns. “If it is him,” he starts quietly. “I don’t want to lose him. I can’t lose him.”
Jack nods. “The fear is understandable…”
“I’m not afraid.”
“Being afraid is okay, Eddie.” he tells him. “It sounds like you haven’t thought about yourself in this way a lot.”
“I’ve never thought about myself like this.”
“You know, when I met my soulmate, I felt the same way as you. I met them in college. They were different than anyone else I had ever met, they changed my life in a way I never expected. It’s been ten years since we met and fell in love and I wouldn’t change anything we went through.” he says softly. Hearing the warmth in Jack’s voice when he talks about his soulmate makes Eddie really realize Shannon never was his person. He never really felt that joy when people asked him about Shannon. “But I had to go through a similar experience that you’re… possibly going through right now. Understanding yourself isn’t easy, Eddie. And anyone who says so is lying.”
Eddie brings his hands to his face and feels tears threatening to fall over. “I just… I care about him too much to lose him. And besides, if he was looping and knew I was his soulmate he would’ve found me. He would have. I know him. We don’t keep things this important from each other.”
“Maybe he’s experiencing the same thing as you.”
“Buck is so strong.” Eddie says. “He’s stronger than me. Nothing this simple could cause him to spiral like this.”
Jack thinks for a moment before nodding. “It sounds like you really care about him.”
“I do.” he replies immediately. “I really do.”
“Maybe you should try and drop a hint to him.” Jack tells him. “Just a subtle nod to the idea of soulmates, it might be an easy way to see if he knows that there’s a possibility he’s your soulmate.”
Eddie nods. “I can’t really… I mean how do you bring up soulmates to your best friend when you’ve never talked about soulmates properly with him?”
“I’m not sure, that’s up to you.”
“What if I’m wrong?”
“Then you do stupid shit. Have you ever seen Groundhog Day? That guy learns every skill under the sun and tries to kill himself a few times.”
“Stupid shit.”
Jack nods. “Live the life you’ve always wanted.”
It was another November 5 when Eddie snapped.
(Because of course it was. What other day would it be.)
He’s standing in the grocery store, facing Buck, the same way he had been every other time he lived through this day. This time, he’s staring into his eyes with a feeling washed over him that he’s never experienced before, so instead of facing those feelings he felt words leave his mouth.
“Because you’re exhausting.”
Buck frowns and slightly tips backward, but Eddie was too exhausted repeating the same day to notice properly.
“We all have our own problems but you don’t see us whining about it.” he carries on. “You know, somehow we just manage to suck it up. Why can’t you?”
There are murmurs throughout the crowd, but Eddie feels his heart pound to the point that he doesn’t care.
Live the life you’ve always wanted.
“Oh is that it?” Maybe you should try and drop a hint to him. Eddie inhales, knowing that if Buck isn’t his soulmate, he isn’t going to remember this. When the day restarted, he was going to forget this entire interaction. And if he is, that’s something they can deal with tomorrow. “You’re so broken about the fact that you can’t find your soulmate so you have to ruin everything for everyone else around you?”
The minute the words leave his mouth, Eddie feels his knees go weak like he’s going to fall over again.
He had never really lost it on Buck before.
Instead, Buck stares at him with pain in his eyes and falls to the ground in what feels like slow motion.
Eddie assumes it’s his blood thinners acting up again and moves forward to help him up and glance at Hen, desperate for someone to help.
Instead, he blinks, opens his eyes and is laying in bed.
Frantically, he taps his phone, desperate for the date despite knowing what he’s going to find.
Sure enough, NOVEMBER 5 is still written across the top.
The thing was, though, it was 5am again.
His day had restarted. Somewhere in the back of his mind he wonders if Jack’s theory is right and Buck is his soulmate, but Eddie starting to loop the day he was already looping from the start didn’t make sense.
He checks his texts, every single one is the same.
No new texts he sent yesterday technically were there.
He was still stuck here.
He gave his best friend the best hint he could think of to try and point to the concept of soulmates and fainted before the they could have a conversation.
Eddie shakes his head and pulls up his texts with Chimney, staring at the generic messages the two had been sending since the lawsuit started.
Hey, Chim. Hypothetically, if you were stuck looping a day forever and you could do whatever you wanted with no consequences what would you do?
if i was somehow bill murray in groundhog day specifically i would go to a bar and find a hot woman and do whatever i wanted. as me, though, i would spend it with maddie.
Let it be known that Eddie was not traveling out of state to go to a bar.
He was not.
He did not get into his truck at 6am and started driving in a direction until he found a hole in the wall bar a few hours away.
He did not.
So it was a total coincidence that he was sitting at a bar at 3pm on November 5 chugging a generic beer like his life depending on it.
The bar itself was mostly dark brown woods combined with a few bright pink and purple lights that hit Eddie’s glass in a way that a lot of lights had never done before.
Eddie had been in plenty of bars in his life, and most of the time, he was left alone. Because who approaches strangers in distress in a bar at 3pm on a Friday?
Apparently, a tall blonde man with bright green eyes.
Because he sat next to Eddie and stared at him for a few minutes before he gave up and turned to him.
“Can I buy you a drink?”
The man smiles and lifts his glass. “When this is empty, you sure can.”
Eddie nods and downs his beer before muttering, “My name is Eddie, by the way.”
“Nice to meet you, Eddie.” the man responds. “I’m Ryan.”
“So what brings you here?” Ryan’s eyebrows raise and Eddie shakes his head. “I mean, most people don’t come to a bar on a Friday afternoon unless there’s something going on in their life.”
Ryan smiles warmly and nods. “You’re okay, Eddie.” he says softly. “I’m running from my problems like most people. What are you doing here?”
Eddie takes a moment, thinking about the past loops. “I’m looping today,” he says simply. “I’m almost positive that my best friend is my soulmate, but before doing this loop I didn’t think I liked men. I’ve been looping for almost a month just because I haven’t talked to him yet.”
“That’s heavy, dude.”
“Yeah, well, I wasn’t really planning on having a soulmate to begin with let alone have a sexuality crisis during it.”
Ryan leans forward and puts his hand on Eddie’s, a soft smile on his face. “It’s okay.”
“What are…”
“I’m not going to remember anything.” Eddie nods weakly. Ryan smiles and grabs Eddie’s hand, leading him to the back of the bar near the bathrooms. “I’m not going to remember the cute stranger that came into the bar.”
“No, you’re not.”
“I’m not going to remember the cute stranger that came into the bar even if we do something.”
“Even if we…”
Ryan dips his head down and closes the distance between them and Eddie feels like he’s flying high above the clouds.
He can feel his entire body buzzing, and it might be the fact that this is his first kiss with a man or it could be the beer in his system, but he feels like it’s a piece of his puzzle he was missing.
Not kissing some random guy in a bar, but kissing men.
When he kissed Shannon he was always the one leading because that’s how he assumed it was supposed to go. Kissing Ryan right now, though, he was being led.
Ryan was holding onto him.
Ryan was pushing their bodies together.
Ryan was slipping tongue.
And Eddie felt alive.
So alive that his mind wasn’t working on the same plane of existence as his body so when he opened his mouth, effectively moaning into Ryan, he sighed “Buck” with so much passion and lust that he didn’t believe it came out of his mouth.
Ryan, bless him, stopped and leaned away from him, his cheeks red and his lips swollen.
“So Buck, huh?” Ryan questions, watching Eddie.
“I…”
“You’re in love with a man named Buck?”
“I’m in love with a man named Buck.” Eddie confirms.
Ryan laughs, running a hand through his hair. “God given name or…?”
“Evan Buckley.” Eddie sighs, his mind running wild with the fantasy of moaning his name for the rest of their lives. “He hates the name Evan. Only his sister calls him that, so he goes by Buck.”
“And you’re in love with him.”
“And I’m in love with him.”
Ryan turns to walk away from him, but Eddie grabs his wrist, a frown on his face. “Are you okay?”
“What if he doesn’t love me back?”
“Then he’s an idiot. I’ve spent ten minutes with you and I can easily see myself falling for you. If he’s as amazing as you say he is, then he’s going to love you. And not just love you, but love you the way you need and deserve to be loved.”
Eddie nods, looking down. “I want it to work out.”
“Well, you know where to find me if it doesn’t.”
The next time he wakes up, Eddie gets up at the same time as always as takes his morning easy. He lets himself relax, heads to a coffee shop in his area of California and gets a coffee before heading to Bobby and Athena’s place.
Even though he knows that they don’t remember the reveal that he’s looping the day, he also knows that they’re two people he can count on for advice.
(And as a bonus, if he spills his guts to them, they won’t remember the conversation the next day.)
He knocks and waits for a moment before Bobby opens the door, a smile on his face.
“Oh! Um, hi Bobby. I thought you were working today.”
Bobby nods, letting him into the house. “I was, but something came up and Athena wanted me to leave.” he tells him, leading Eddie to the kitchen. “I thought you were working today, too. What’s going on, kid?”
Eddie sits down at the table and takes a breath.
“You and Athena, are you guys soulmates?”
Bobby seems visibly taken aback by the question, but he smiles after a moment and grabs himself a bottle of water before joining Eddie at the table. “We are.”
“Really?” Eddie questions. “I thought…”
“You thought what?”
“I mean, she was married to Michael and you were married in Minnesota, weren’t you?”
Bobby frowns. “She was and I was, yes. Just because we were married doesn’t mean we were married to our soulmates.”
“And you knew? I mean you had to have known.”
“I can’t speak for her, but I knew, yes. But, I was in love with Marcy and when she got pregnant I felt like there was no other option. We both knew we weren’t soulmates. We didn’t care at the time.”
“But you got married anyway?”
His captain nods. “She got pregnant.”
“So you felt obligated to get married?”
“Don’t get it twisted, kid.” Bobby says sternly. “I was in love with her. Our plan before was to date for a little bit and then break up. She could find her soulmate and I could find mine. But when she got pregnant, there was a certain message the church gave us that even though we weren’t soulmates, we had to get married.”
“So did you get married for love or for the church?”
“A combination of both, I guess.” Bobby says. “Why do you ask? Are you doing okay?”
Leave it to Bobby to pick up on Eddie’s feelings no matter how hard he was trying to bury them.
“I’ve been looping.” Eddie admits. “For a month.”
“A month?” Bobby echoes. “And you haven’t confessed to them? No pun intended but my God.”
Eddie shakes his head. “I just don’t know what to do, Bobby.” he says, his voice small. “I just care about him too much to do something stupid and ruin our relationship.”
He tilts his head to the side. “I know you do, kid. But have you ever thought that maybe he cares about you as much as you care about him?”
“I don’t think anyone is capable of caring about me as much as I care about him,” he says. “just because he’s my everything. I didn’t realize it until I had to go through this hell, but he’s always been everything to me.”
Bobby nods. “I know, kid. I’ve pretty much watched the two of you become what you are. It’s easy to see that there’s a deep level of care between you guys. Even if neither of you have realized it.”
“How do you know who I’m talking about?”
“Eddie, you aren’t exactly subtle. I’ve seen you fall in love with him.” he says easily. “I watched you when his leg was crushed. You looked broken.”
“Because he was hurt.”
“Because he was hurt and you felt like a part of your soul was dying.” Bobby says quickly. “You guys are the textbook definition of soulmates.”
Eddie looks at him and smiles. “I love him, Bobby. I just can’t lose him because of that.”
“Well, Eddie, I’m not in his head. I don’t know for sure what he feels for you. But he definitely feels something.” Eddie ducks his head, refusing to make eye contact. “You’re going to be okay, Eddie.”
“I just want to hold him.”
“You’re going to, eventually.”
The next day, Eddie doesn’t remember much. If someone told him he went through the motions of the original day, he would believe them immediately.
The only thing that sticks out to him is a text.
A text message that he’s never received throughout every other time he’s looped November 5.
i’ve still got your back.
Buck was looping.
Buck was looping with him.
He was his soulmate.
Instead of doing anything about it, though, Eddie just rolls over, turns off his phone and feels tears roll down his face.
The text was going to be gone tomorrow.
Just like everything else in his life.
Eddie was sick of repeating November 5. He wanted nothing more than to go to November 6.
But he also knew that if he went to November 6, he would have to see him. The only way to live tomorrow was to exist in the same place as the person he had been in love with for over a year.
He had fallen in love without knowing.
He had fallen in love while being legally married.
He had fallen in love while his wife was dying.
He was falling in love with Evan Buckley since he first joined the one-eighteen.
Even if he didn’t realize it.
So the next day, through tears, Eddie reaches for his phone and see Buck’s text still sitting there, taunting him.
i’ve still got your back.
Such simple words to anyone reading the text, but it was everything to Eddie.
With the realization that he was in love with him, that might have been the moment he first felt his heart beat a little faster. He might have started looking at Buck a little differently since that day.
Hell yeah. You can have my back any day.
Yeah. Or, you know, you could have mine.
Deal.
His world changed when he met Buck, even if it was lying deep beneath the pain, loss and fear.
So, he takes a breath and types a simple response.
I’ve still got yours too, Buck.
He prays, clicks off his phone and waits.
A moment later, his phone buzzes beneath him.
come to my apartment the next time you wake up. knock three times. i need to see you.
Like vaguely promised, Eddie went to Buck’s apartment the next time he woke up. He knocks once, waits and knocks twice more, waiting for the door to click open.
When the door opens, Buck is standing in front of him with gray sleep pants and a light pink crewneck. He’s smiling softly and he looks beautiful. Eddie hadn’t seen him since properly realizing he loved him, and he wanted so badly to lean forward and close the distance.
“Are you going to let me in so we can talk?” he says, his voice shakier than he would like to admit.
Buck frowns. “Are you going to call me exhausting again?”
Eddie freezes, his face apologetic. “You… you remember that?”
“Yes?” Buck questions. “It’s… it’s when I passed out in the grocery store and started looping.”
“That’s when you started?”
Buck stares at him.
“Eddie.” Buck says, gently. “How long have you…”
He frowns. “I told you that you were exhausting after I was stuck on November 5 for over a month. At that point I more or less knew you were my soulmate. I didn’t really… accept it or anything. But I knew that you were the one for me. Every other loop I had gone through, I didn’t say that. I just snapped. I watched you fall and my day restarted.”
Buck reaches his hands up to Eddie’s cheeks, slowly waiting for confirmation that the contact was okay. All he gets is a nod, but it’s more than enough.
“Over a month,” he repeats. “I… I didn’t realize you liked men. Hell, I didn’t even realize I liked men.”
“Yeah, neither did I.” Eddie tells him. “I spent so much of my life trying to fulfill the perfect image my father had in mind for me. Even when Shannon and I weren’t soulmates, she was already pregnant. So I lied. I lied to everybody. I told everyone we were destined to be together. I knew that wasn’t right. But I pretended. I got so used to pretending I forgot it was an act. I started looping the day after I saw you sitting across from me in a suit. Motionless and lacking any feeling in your eye. Because I realized at that moment that I lost you. You were suing the city and you were gone.”
Buck shakes his head. “You could never lose me.”
“I did.” Eddie says shakily.
“Why didn’t you tell me? I mean, you’ve been living like this for this long and you saw me collapse. You must have had some kind of idea.”
Eddie’s smile falls. “I didn’t think I was your soulmate.”
“What?” Buck questions. “You thought… you didn’t think that you were my soulmate?”
“It happens! Sometimes even the universe makes mistakes. When… when you texted me I thought I was dreaming. I thought it was a fluke. So I ignored it. But it didn’t disappear. It stayed. So I had to respond. I was ready.”
Buck leans forward slightly, wiping Eddie’s face of tears that were freely falling. “I’m sorry I made you wait.”
“Never apologize.” Eddie says, leaning forward. Their faces were an inch apart before he leans back. “Just to say, I’m gay, by the way. I know…”
“It’s okay, Eddie.” Buck tells him. “I’m bisexual. If you want to get technical. But, there’s no one else I’d…”
Buck can’t finish his sentence because Eddie closes the distance, effectively kissing Buck and pushing him into his apartment.
Buck smiles into it and kisses him back like he’s the air that he always needed.
A strike of power coursed through his veins and he feels that everything around him was meant to be. Here, with Buck’s tongue tasting him, was where he was always supposed to be.
When they disconnect, Buck connects their foreheads and mumbles, “Do you want to go to November 6 with me?”
“I’ll go anywhere with you.” Eddie smiles and kisses Buck’s cheek. “God, I really missed you.”
“How could you miss me?”
Eddie smiles and he can vaguely feel a blush rising to his cheeks. “I haven’t been with you. I mean, I didn’t really realize I loved you until this loop, so being here with you… I love you, Buck. I’m sorry it took me so long.”
“I love you too, Eddie.” Buck tells him. “And don’t apologize.”
“So, November 6?”
Buck nods. “November 6.”