Work Text:
Kidd after a long day wants to go to the officers club for a break.
A drink, a dance maybe.
But no the tomfoolery follows him in there as well, because he can't escape Bucky and his merry band of idiots.
So one night well watching Bucky and his said band of idiots.
He wrote down some rules on a cocktail napkin.
Not expecting much.
But the next day when he came back, someone had typed them out for him, and laminated it, sticking it to the wall with a thumbtack.
So lets go over it shall we.
Number one: Don't come plastered, it's not funny to give yourself alcohol poisoning.
Number two: Ten drink limit on everyone who follows Bucky around, I will not explain myself.
Number three: Ham is to supervised after his forth drink, because the more alcohol you put him in means more clothes he will lose.
Number four: Don't purposely get Ham drunk, just so you can watch take his clothes off.
Number five: No giving people lap dances, looking at you Bucky.
Number six: Curt, Dickie, Crosby, and Bubbles are the example we are going for. They drink lightly, talk, and dance.
Number seven: Buck, Bucky, Douglass, and Hambone are not the example we are going for. Don't do what they do.
Number eight: Stop with the conga lines, please dance like normal people.
Number nine: don't do the waltz either, because none of you do it correctly, and you guys end up looking like drunk toddlers.
Number ten: Ham burp your abcs somewhere else, this is a gentlemans club.
Number eleven: Douglass please stop with the really bad sex jokes, your creeping the women out.
Number twelve: Blakely this is officers club for us, not every Billy, Joe, Steve, and Bob you can find. I'm getting tired of having to deal with drunk Marines.
Number thirteen: Listen to the band, don't become part of it, I'm getting tired of "Oh I played this in highschool" and then proceeding to steal the instrument and then do a terrible rendition of Slient Night, because one it's May and two my ears are bleeding.
Number fourteen: Bike races happen outside, not inside. I don't not want to be distributed by someone on a bike flying over the bar.
Number fifteen: Bucky wherever you got the Narwhal horn, please stop attaching it to your groin and saying your a unicorn. You've stabbed me and five other people.
Number sixteen: Please, please don't let Bucky sing, just please don't trust me.
Number seventeen: Don't let Bucky near any microphone for that matter. Because I'm getting tired of him drunkenly singing about me and Col. Harding kissing in a tree.
Number eighteen: Do let Bubbles sing, he sings like an angel.
Number nineteen: Don't alcohol board people Douglass and Blakely, it's not funny because someone has to explain to someone else why we ran out of alcohol so fast.
Number twenty: DeMarco stop bringing Meatball, I'm getting tired of fishing husky hair out of my whiskey.
Number twenty one: Don't let Ham dance on the bar, I don't care that he can move his hips, don't encourage him.