Chapter Text
Thursday December 3rd
Suguru, Shoko, and Yu had taken to meeting most Thursday mornings, before classes, to share cigarettes and sorrows. At first, it had been somewhat fun, complaining together about their unrequited crushes; however, more often than not, gloom loomed over them, lingering like the smell of smoke. Laughter and banter transformed to tightening throats and aching chests.
Now, they were at a point where they were trying to convince themselves that they did not want, dream, or yearn. Though they both knew their denial was pointless, a shared delusion.
“He was stupid yesterday, comparing Digimon and physics, again… He’s such a nerd,” Suguru said, trying to act like this was not one of the infinite reasons that he was in love with Satoru.
Shoko, to her credit, did not call out the very clear adoration present in Suguru’s voice, for which Suguru was grateful, “He is stupid and a nerd, but you know who isn’t stupid? Utahime. She’s smart and a good friend. Just a friend. I only think of her as a friend.”
Suguru raised an eyebrow, clearly skeptical, but did not comment on the blatant lie, for he had not ground to stand on in that fight.
“Satoru was confessed to, again, and he rejected the confession, again,” Suguru said.
“Isn’t that a good thing?” Shoko looked at him, breaking his fragile façade.
“No, Shoko, it’s not, because it’d be easier to get over him if he would just say yes to one of those confessions.”
“It would be easier for you to see him date someone else than to confess yourself?” Shoko looked at Suguru like he was the biggest idiot alive, and to be fair, Suguru thought that he probably was in this moment, “You’d be perfectly fine with him holding someone else’s hand? Kissing them? Loving them?”
“I never said it was logical,” Suguru huffed in annoyance. He did not like it when Shoko was right, and she often was when it came to Suguru’s stupidity surrounding Satoru.
Yu, who had been patiently and attentively listening, chimed in, “I think it’s time for the three of us to take action.”
“What?” The cigarette nearly dropped from Shoko’s lips, as her mouth widened in surprise.
“This support group is depressing us all- we’ve been sad for months, and I think, it’s time for us to stop this self-inflicted pain. None of us really know if our crushes are returned or not. So, shouldn’t we just go for it?” Yu said with passion.
“Haibara, two weeks ago, you nearly puked at the thought of telling Nanami that you liked his new haircut,” Suguru said skeptically.
Suguru appreciated having Yu’s perspective, as Yu was the much-needed positive force between the three of them. Yu never smoked, and always attended to purely lament his sorrows about his crush on Nanami Kento. So, this shift in thinking was not completely unexpected nor out of character for Yu.
“While that’s true, I still did tell Nanami, and he said thank you and smiled!” Yu grinned.
“What are you suggesting we do then, Haibara? Just go up to them and confess?” Suguru asked.
“Even though you’re both my upperclassmen, and this may be rude to say, so I apologize if I have overstepped, but neither of you is exactly giving a better idea. Geto-san, your idea of a solution is for Gojo-san to date someone else, and Ieiri-san, your solution is to smoke more and to deny your feelings. And none of those options seem very healthy or helpful,” Yu took a deep inhale and then breathed out, looking at them both with anticipation. Yu was generally very respectful and polite, often not speaking out of turn unless he felt truly passionate about the subject.
“Well, shit, you might be the smartest one here,” Shoko sighed, pulling out her lighter as she started on her third cigarette of the morning.
“I still think that it would be easier to move on if Satoru was with someone else,” Suguru dug deeper into his denial.
“Suguru… you’re acting like you wouldn’t try to intimidate anyone that Satoru dated.”
“I wouldn’t.”
“You would! You nearly killed that middle school girl last week with your death glare,” Shoko said with confidence.
“She’s right, Geto-san. You looked a bit scary, to be honest,” Yu confirmed.
“Fine, you’re right, I don’t want Satoru to be with anyone unless it’s me. Are you both happy now?” Suguru said, irritation and frustration clear in his voice. He ran a hand through his hair, accidentally pulling some of it out of his bun. He tried to fix it, and became more frustrated with the unruly pieces.
Shoko sighed, softly saying, “Suguru, it’s not a bad thing that you love him.”
“I know.”
“Then why are you acting like it’s some kind of punishment? Out of all three of us, you’re probably the one with the best chance,” Shoko said with certainty.
“I agree with Ieiri-san. I think Gojo-san returns your feelings,” Yu said confidently.
Both Shoko and Yu had said this before, and yet, Suguru could not accept it to be true.
“Enough about me and Satoru, Yu, tell us more about your idea,” Suguru did not want to be the focus of this conversation any more.
“I think that we need to give ourselves a deadline. I think we should all confess by or on December 24th. And then the yearner’s club will dissolve! No more sadness! Instead, we can complain about our partners together, which is much happier club activity in my opinion.”
Suguru rolled his eyes fondly, Yu had been calling them the Yearner’s Club since the beginning of the school year, and Suguru could not argue that it was an apt title.
“Alright, fine,” Shoko shrugged. Suguru was surprised she was willing to agree so quickly.
“And if this doesn’t go well?” Suguru asked.
“Then we can be the Depressed Club.”
“That name sucks,” Suguru said. Shoko tried to hide her snort of laughter and failed.
Yu looked embarrassed, huffing as he said, “I already named our club and came up with a solution for our problems, why don’t you choose a better name then? Best case scenario is that we get to be the Happily in Love Club.”
“Ok, both of those are stupid names, and this is sickening. Yu, I agree to the bet. Suguru, you should consider agreeing, too. I’m going to class. See you both around,” Shoko walked away before Suguru or Yu could respond.
Suguru sighed, and turned to Yu, who was looking at him expectantly.
“Fine. I’ll confess to Satoru, but if it goes wrong for me and right for both of you, then you both still have to listen to me suffer,” Suguru said vehemently.
“Of course, Geto-san, though I’m confident you won’t need to, ” Yu smiled at him reassuringly.
Suguru was already regretting his decision to go along with this plan. He had no idea how to tell Satoru how he felt. There were not adequate words to express the depth of his love for Satoru.
Suguru was fucked.