Archive of Our Own

The halls of the Temple were silent and dark, and the crèchemasters didn’t know that Barriss wasn’t in bed.

She could get in trouble. She knew that. If she got caught, they might make her meditate for hours, or they might take sweets away for a week, or- Force forbid- they might make her talk to Master Yoda. Barriss didn’t think she’d be able to survive the scolding. She’d die of embarrassment.

But she wouldn’t get caught.

She wouldn’t get caught, because she wasn’t trying to sneak around alone.

Ahsoka went first, and Barriss followed. She could hear better than Barriss- she’d know if anyone was around, long before they were within sight. And her montrals had only just started growing from those knobby, childish stumps. She’d get even better at listening when they were bigger.

It was almost fun, watching how her best friend would dart to the end of a hallway, then pause at a junction. The way that she’d tilt her head to the side, lekku drooping, eyes narrowed with focus.

Sometimes, Ahsoka would seize her by the wrist and yank her into a small alcove, or behind a pillar, where they’d wait for whatever Knight or Master was up and about at such a late hour to walk past.

Whenever they did it, Barriss would pretend that they were Jedi Shadows, hunting through the halls of some fortress. Maybe it was the palace of a corrupt king, and they were going to find evidence of what he’d done? Maybe it was a criminal’s den, and they were there to free captives? Maybe it was even a Sith Temple-

“We’re almost there.” Ahsoka’s voice, whispered and squeaky, broke her out of her daydreams… Or, er. Nightdreams? “I don’t hear anyone else up ahead.”

“And… Where are we?”

Ahsoka hadn’t told her. She’d just sidled up to Barriss that day in the dining hall, dipped her head down, and told her to stay up late. They’d snuck around like this before, but usually not so far from the crèche. The library, snacks meant for Masters staying up late- that was what they usually did.

Not today. Although the halls did look familiar… It was hard to tell, when it was so dark. Everything was so different. The shadows stretched so strangely- they could be right outside the crèche and Barriss wouldn’t know.

Barriss got the impression that Ahsoka probably spent a lot of time sneaking around without her. She seemed to know exactly where she was going.

“You’ll see!” There was a hushed, eager tone to her voice. Barriss rolled her eyes and let herself smile. Small, soft, genuine.

Alright. She’d let Ahsoka have her fun. She wouldn’t even try to guess.

She wasn’t expecting the Room of a Thousand Fountains, though.

Younglings usually visited at least once a week. It was a good place for meditation, or training, or even play- so long as they didn’t disturb the older Jedi. Ahsoka, though, had always called it boring.

She’d stick her tongue out, or roll her eyes and flash her sharp milk teeth in disgust. Ahsoka didn’t like the Room of a Thousand Fountains, and she made that fact known. Her grumbling had gotten her into trouble a lot.

…Ahsoka got into trouble in general , actually. It was why Barriss’ crèchemaster didn’t like them spending time together. Ahsoka’s crèchemaster did, though. He thought that Barriss might be a good influence. They argued often.

…Considering the fact that Ahsoka had hauled her along to sneak around after-hours, she briefly wondered if her own crèchemaster might be right. Then she dismissed it.

So… Barriss had no idea why Ahsoka would have visited it at night- she refused to consider the possibility that she might’ve come to tip over plants. She could certainly see why she’d returned with Barriss in tow, though.

It was beautiful.

Barriss had only ever properly seen the night sky once. Coruscant was too bright, drowning out all the stars- so when all the youngling clans had gone on a retreat on a quiet, wooded planet it had taken her breath away.

The dome here- it looked just like it.

A thousand pinpricks of light, glittering silver and sapphire and gold and ruby overhead. They shone in bright, brilliant swaths, seeming to arch high above their heads even though Barriss knew that the ceiling wasn’t that far away.

“So…” Ahsoka’s hushed voice cracked through the silence. “What do you think?”

“It’s wonderful.” Barriss breathed.

Ahsoka snickered, then reached out to snag her arm again. “Come on, we aren’t the only people here- let’s sit somewhere we won’t get caught.”

Her friend pulled her over to a small alcove beside a burbling waterfall, shaded by trees that shimmered red during the day, and silver now. There was the smallest patch of grass here, between the stones, and Barriss could still see the starry ceiling when she laid down.

Barriss lost herself in trying to find constellations. She didn’t know if this was supposed to be mimicking the night sky above any particular planet, so she tried to make a game of figuring it out.

Ahsoka was silent for a while, leaned up against one of the boulders that Barriss was laying next to. That was unlike her. If it wasn’t for her catlike eyes catching the light, Barriss might’ve thought she’d fallen asleep.

Then-

“Thinking about something?”

Barriss didn’t look away from the stars. “I’m trying to find constellations.”

Ahsoka snorted a laugh. Barriss could almost hear her rolling her eyes. “Force, you’re such a nerd.”

Barriss smiled back. “What about you?”

“People are supposed to… Dream when they look at stars, yeah?”

“What?” Barriss blinked.

“Like.” Ahsoka huffed. “Talking about what you want from life.”

“Are you talking about wishing on a shooting star?” Barriss couldn’t suppress a laugh. “Well- I don’t see any. Even if there was one, I don’t think a projection counts.”

“I’m not poetic. Go easy on me.” Ahsoka was laughing too. She slid down onto the ground, seemingly solely to elbow Barriss in the gut.

“Ow!” Barriss was laughing so hard- trying so hard to stay quiet- that it hurt. It made her ribs and stomach ache, more than any jabs from Ahsoka ever could. “I mean…”

“Hm?”

“It’s bad luck to tell people about your wish.” Barriss only looked down from the stars, then. She glanced over at Ahsoka, her friend’s colorful face was shrouded in shadows. Only her eyes glittered clearly. “If we aren’t wishing, we can talk about it just fine.”

“I think we’re gonna be the best Jedi the galaxy’s ever seen.”

It was something that every youngling thought, something every youngling wished for. But there was a depth of sincerity to those words. In Ahsoka’s always-joking, never-serious voice, it seemed alien.

“Really?” Barriss raised her brows.

“Mhm.” Ahsoka nodded. “We’ll be on the High Council. I’ll be the Grand Master, I bet. You’ll be the Master of the Order.”

“Please.” Barriss pushed at her shoulder playfully. “Master Yoda is never dying.”

“Everyone dies eventually.” And there it was- that little spark of flippant morbidity she could expect from Ahsoka.

Their conversation went back to normal. Back to jabs and laughter and bad words and jokes about bodily functions, the kind that they could be scolded for.

But Barriss would never forget that conversation.

Barriss tried to spend time with Ahsoka as often as she could, once she became Master Luminara’s Padawan, but it got harder. And then the war started, and she didn’t hear anything.

Now, there she was.

Ahsoka had changed.

She clung to scattered groups of clones in blue paint like she might dissolve if she didn’t. Her eyes were fixed firmly on the middle distance, looking at nothing in particular. She didn’t notice when Barriss waved at her, even though she was standing in front of her, only a few paces away.

“Ahsoka, hey.” Barriss, thoughtlessly, set a hand on her shoulder.

Thankfully, when Ahsoka flinched, she didn’t reach for a weapon. Barriss hurried to pull her arm away, but before she could, recognition sparked. Her old friend was quick to clamp a gloved, armored hand down on top of her’s.

“Hi, Barriss.” Ahsoka’s smile was wide, but watery. “What’re you doing here?”

“The 41st is going to be working with your battalions. Didn’t you hear?”

Ahsoka shook her head. Her hand tightened, minutely. “No, I…”

“Hello, sir.”

Barriss turned her head. One of the clones that Ahsoka had been mingling with had broken off from the others and joined them. He had an ARC’s armor, and it looked like he’d bleached his hair.

“Rex!” Ahsoka brightened a bit. “This is Barriss, we go way back.”

Barriss would’ve liked to give him a proper Jedi bow when she greeted him, because that was polite, but Ahsoka was still holding her hand captive. She settled for dipping her head. “It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

Rex’s eyes narrowed. Not in aggression or distrust, no- something more complex than that. More like… He was confused by her. Like Barriss was one of the puzzle pieces that she and Ahsoka used to spend hours struggling to find a place for.

“Well, Commanders.” He eventually gave her a nod. “I suppose we should start preparing the troops, then?”

“Master Luminara sent me to bring Ahsoka to the command tent, actually.” Barriss couldn’t miss the way that Ahsoka’s hand stiffened. “Her and a clone captain? I didn’t get a name.”

“That’ll be me.” Rex- Captain Rex, then- actually looked surprised. He blinked at her like she’d grown a second head.

Ahsoka’s grip had slackened enough that Barriss was able to free her hand to sling her arm over her shoulders instead. “Oh, good.”

“If you don’t mind leading the way, then?”

W- why would a clone captain not know where the command tent was? That was weird. Both of them were acting weird, actually. Barriss hoped that she did a good enough job of not showing any concern.

“...Say, Ahsoka.” Barriss tried to break the awkward silence.

“Hm?” Her friend hadn’t made a sound for the past several seconds. It was unnerving. Ahsoka, quiet?

“I have this holochess game saved to my datapad.” Barriss tried to give her a reassuring squeeze. “Maybe after we finish filing paperwork, we could play? Like old times.”

“That sounds nice.” She was quick to agree, at least. “Like old times.”

Captain Rex was behind them, so Barriss couldn’t see his face. He had especially sturdy mental walls, even compared to other clones- but Barriss could still feel a faint wave of bewilderment from his direction.

What was going on, here?

The meeting only raised more questions.

The entire time, Ahsoka refused to look at her master. Captain Rex did look at him, but only in frigid glares. Master Jinn wasn’t looking at either of them.

Barriss could tell that something was wrong. And- from the tight look on her face- so could Master Luminara.

Barriss’ master suggested that the two Padawans infiltrate the factory with a particular sense of expectation. She’d watched him, gauging his reactions, waiting for an expected input. Judging by the frown that she wore for the rest of the day, Master Jinn was found lacking.

“You two have the charges?” Master Luminara still looked… Upset. It was a face that she’d never made at Barriss before, not even when she was at her most disappointed.

It unsettled her, to be honest. The idea that something had been able to rattle her unshakeable master. “Yes.”

“Your comms? Emergency medical supplies?”

“Yes.”

Master Luminara saw something over Barriss’ head, and it made the icy resolve break. She set a hand on Barriss’ shoulder. “You two stick close together, alright?”

Barriss was surprised. Her master was rarely ever physically affectionate. It just wasn’t her way. “I’m- of course we will.”

“Padawan Tano is new to the field. This could prove an important test, but…” There was something else in her master’s expression, something nervous. “While this is an important mission, I don’t want you two risking your lives needlessly. Be careful.”

“Of course, master.” Barriss dipped into a bow. “We’ll take every precaution.”

Master Luminara nodded, then turned and left. Barriss watched her speak to Commander Gree for a moment, before they both- clearly trying to be inconspicuous, but not doing very well- glanced at something.

Or- someone.

It was Ahsoka. She was having a conversation with a few 501st troopers, their heads bowed.

Barriss bit her tongue before hurrying over.

“-like we practiced.”

“I know, Rex.” Ahsoka huffed. “I’ll be fine.”

“Just-” The Captain cut himself off when he saw Barriss. He gave her a curt nod. “Commander.”

Barriss decided that she hated this.

There was something that nobody was willing to tell her. Ahsoka knew about it. The 501st knew about it. Master Luminara knew about it. The 41st knew about it. The only person who didn’t know was Barriss- and it clearly had something to do with her friend. Her best friend. 

She hated it, she hated it-

“Is it time to move out?” Ahsoka’s smile was small, nervous, earnest- nothing like the fanged, vicious grins Barriss knew so well.

Her heart ached.

“I assume your hearing is still better than mine?” Barriss smiled back. “You go first.”

It was Ahsoka’s idea to use the tank.

Barriss agreed. Master Luminara hadn’t wanted them to risk their lives unnecessarily, but this wasn’t unnecessary. What they had done would save countless lives. Not only the soldiers who might’ve died taking the factory, but all the people who could’ve been killed by the weapons it produced. 

But Ahsoka…

She’d been so willing to blow them both to smithereens, she’d hissed into Barriss’ ear while they drove the tank into the generator: “It’s a good death.” Then, more fiercely: “This is something worth dying for.”

For just a moment- Barriss got to see her old friend, again. The mean edge that had kept Ahsoka from Padawanship for so long resurfaced, just for a little while. She’d reached to squeeze her hand, and braced for impact.

Now, though- now that they had to wait for suffocation- Ahsoka’s stance changed.

Ahsoka was hissing low, quiet curse words as she fiddled with a piecemeal radio, desperate to get it online. Desperate, desperate, desperate.

“Ahsoka…”

“It’s hot, it’s running, but…” She sounded ragged. “I don’t know- I don’t know if it’s actually sending a signal or not.”

“Ahsoka.”

Her friend let out a low, lingering growl. “Barriss.”

Barriss opened her mouth, then froze. What could she say to her? To give up? That it was pointless? It seemed cruel. The twitchy, terrified thing across from her resembled the Ahsoka she knew so little- it would be like kicking her while she was already down.

“I missed you.”

All of a sudden, Ahsoka was clutching at Barriss’ arms, at her back. Her friend’s face buried into her shoulder. “I don’t want to die. I don’t want to die like this. I don’t-”

Barriss wrapped her up tight. “I know. I don’t… Me neither.”

“It wasn’t supposed to be this way.” Ahsoka’s voice was hoarse, strained, muffled further by Barriss’ cloak- increasingly sodden with tears.

“I know.”

“You and I- heh.” The laugh was watery and weak. “So much for council members. What a kriffing mess.”

“There’s still a chance.” Barriss breathed deeply, the way Master Luminara had taught her. She was not afraid of death, not really. Her Master had taught her not to fear it- to allow the will of the Force to wash over her. “Your radio might work, they might come get us.”

Apparently, Ahsoka hadn’t been taught the same. “I just- it’s not fair.”

Barriss didn’t know how long they stayed there, curled up on the floor. She had no way to track the passage of time. After a short eternity, Ahsoka pulled back, rubbing at her eyes.

“Force, I shouldn’t have wasted oxygen like that. Sorry.”

“It’s fine.” She really didn’t mind. Either someone would find them, or they wouldn’t. Crying probably used up only a bit of their air. It wouldn’t change anything.

Ahsoka, slowly, moved to sit next to her instead of across from her. “So… How have you been?”

Barriss, despite the circumstances, cracked a smile. “Small talk, really?”

Ahsoka huffed in response, elbowing her in the gut.

“As well as I can be, considering the war, I suppose.” This felt familiar. This felt good. This felt like nights spent slipping away from the crèche. This felt like relaxing after a sparring match. For a moment- they were younglings, and there wasn’t a war, and they weren’t in mortal danger. “And you?”

It took Ahsoka a moment to reply. “We haven’t talked in a while.”

“I haven’t been back on Coruscant since the war started.” Barriss reached to touch her shoulder in apology. “Do… You have a comm, now that you’re a Commander, right? If we get out of here, then we can talk more often.”

It was too dark to see Ahsoka’s face- the room only illuminated by the blinking radio- but Barriss could hear her smile. “That would be nice.”

A few seconds- or maybe minutes, or maybe hours- passed before Ahsoka spoke up again. “Are you sure… You’d want to do that?”

“You’re my best friend.” Barriss meant it, she really did. She reached out beside her, half-blind, and interlaced their fingers. “I’ll always have your back. No getting rid of me.”

Ahsoka giggled, almost girlishly, and squeezed back.

It was at that moment that the rocks above their heads shifted. Then, through it-

Daylight.

After spending Force-knew-how-long below the factory, the brightness hurt her eyes. Barriss let out a quiet hiss of pain and reached to cover them. 

“Commander?” That sounded like a clone’s voice, but Barriss couldn’t recognize the individual.

Ahsoka did. “Rex!”

Ahsoka let go of Barriss so she could squirm free. Barriss followed more slowly. The light still hurt- and she couldn’t just close her eyes and use her montrals like Ahsoka.

It seemed that their plan had worked. The factory was a pile of rubble. Geonosis was… As hot and miserable as ever, but most of their troops had survived. That was good.

Just as Barriss had accepted the possibility of dying, she allowed the revelation of her survival to wash over her like a calm, quiet tide. She didn’t celebrate, she didn’t cry.

Instead, she watched Ahsoka.

Master Jinn was making a rapid, awkward retreat from the area, and it seemed that his Padawan hadn’t even noticed him. Instead, she was deep in conversation with Captain Rex and some other 501st troopers that Barriss hadn’t been introduced to. The Captain kept one arm firmly wrapped around his Commander’s shoulders.

There was one Jedi Master still around.

Master Luminara gave Barriss a small smile and a shallow nod- a proud twinkle in her eye. The look that she gave her promised that they’d talk later- during meditation, maybe. But for now, Barriss’ Master focused on something else.

The quiet, happy look on her face died when she turned towards Master Jinn’s retreating back.

Glancing between the clones’ happy reunion with their Commander, and the silhouettes of the two arguing Jedi Masters, Barriss- with a deep, sinking feeling in her gut- realized what it was that she hadn’t been told.

There was one fundamental flaw in the small comms that Jedi Padawans kept for personal communication during the war.

They had distance limitations.

All things considered, the fact that they could reach across half a galaxy was impressive. And it worked well enough. The Padawan-Commanders didn’t have time for long, sustained conversations, just little messages sent back and forth, understanding that it might be a while before the other Padawan got close enough to the original location for it to finally go through.

Barriss’ messages to Ahsoka never went through.

The joint battalions of the 212th and 501st were consistently in the most far-flung corners of the galaxy, where Barriss could never reach Ahsoka. It…

It upset her. She missed Ahsoka. She really did. She wanted to know how her friend was doing, how she was adapting to the war, if she was okay-

Barriss would only ever get a response to the final question, and it wouldn’t come from Ahsoka.

Barriss had never seen Luminara look defeated before.

Her Master had never allowed tragedy to affect her. Master Luminara let the Force flow through her, working through her grief and emotions in a way that wouldn’t let them interfere with what she needed to do.

But now?

There was an awful, haunted look in her eyes, like a decade’s worth of exhaustion had caught up to her overnight. What possibly could have shaken her unflappable Master? What-

“Barriss.” Master Luminara, gently, took Barriss’ hand into her own. “We should sit down.”

Her heart sank into her stomach. She did as she was told.

“Padawan T-” Master Luminara had to take a deep breath, steeling herself, before she could continue. “Ahsoka is Missing in Action, presumed dead. I know you two were close, bef-”

Barriss couldn’t hear the rest of what her Master told her.

Ahsoka? Dead? Her best friend- her only friend, if Barriss was being honest with herself- dead? The spitfire youngling, dragging Barriss into trouble? Her best sparring partner? The Padawan who’d clutched at her shoulders and wept because she didn’t want to die?

And- oh, Barriss was crying.

Barriss stumbled to her feet, but she had to clutch the back of the chair she’d been sitting in because her knees felt suddenly weak. “I’m sorry, I need-”

Her vision was too blurred to see if Master Luminara’s mouth moved, and she still couldn’t hear her- but she probably said something, because she reached a hand out towards her. Barriss dodged, like she was avoiding a blaster bolt, and fled into the bowels of the ship.

Ahsoka was dead.

Her best friend. Her very best friend. But did Barriss even have the right to call her that when they hadn’t spoken in months?

Not that it was even her fault. 

Barriss is surprised by the rush of rage that she feels towards… Force. Who could she even blame for this?

Clearly, Ahsoka’s Master hadn’t done a very good job. If Barriss was the type to gamble- and if she actually owned any money- she’d bet all her credits that his negligence was what got her killed. But why, then? Why was she with him? Why didn’t she have a Master who loved her, who taught her, who protected her?

Master Luminara was among the most hands-off of Masters- but she hadn’t abandoned her. Master Luminara had chosen her. She’d seen something in the quiet, shy girl who could only ever act with her best friend’s guidance, and she’d molded Barriss into a respectable, independent young Padawan.

Thinking of Ahsoka in the past- how they used to be joined at the hip- made the tears well up fresh.

Her throat was constricted by tentacled misery, squeezing tight until she couldn’t breathe. And her eyes burned and her tongue felt fat and useless and nothing would be okay again-

“Hello, Commander Offee.”

Barriss sniffled, stuffed her emotions into a semi-stable, likely temporary box, and tried to give him a respectfully neutral smile. “Commander Gree.”

He joined her on the floor, sliding down the wall until he could sit next to her.

…Where was she, anyway? Barriss didn’t recognize this part of the ship. It was dark, the walls crammed closely together.

“...Permission to speak freely, sir?”

Barriss huffed a dry, teary laugh. “We share a rank. You don’t need to ask me anything.”

Commander Gree hummed. “Well. You should know I’m not going to try any of that… ‘You’ll be fine’ nonsense.”

Oh, Force help her. Barriss didn’t think she could survive this talk with Commander Gree. She hardly knew him that well, despite all the time that they’d spent fighting together.

…Which… Oh, Force. She hardly knew anybody other than Ahsoka, didn’t she?

Barriss choked down the pain.

“Growing up on Kamino, I had one batchmate I was closer to than any of the others.” Commander Gree wasn’t looking at her. He had a distant look in his dark, solemn eyes as he stared down the wall opposite them. “ ‘Name of Archer.”

Barriss… Had a feeling where this was going. And, frankly, she didn’t know how to respond to someone baring their soul to her. So she firmly kept her mouth closed.

“He didn’t even get the chance to fight for the Republic.” The words were kept carefully even. “During a Command-Class training exercise when we were eight- so, physically and mentally, about the age of you girls- he slipped and fell into the ocean. We never found the body.”

“I’m sorry.” The words came out painfully quiet, choked with snot.

Commander Gree closed his eyes for a moment, then opened them. “Remember when you got shot, in the first week of the war?”

“Right in the shoulder.”

Commander Gree nodded. “Hurts like the Sith Hells, when it happens. And then it heals- and sometimes it still hurts. It’ll twinge when you pull it wrong. It’ll ache when the weather changes. Sometimes you’ll be struck with phantom pain, and you don’t even know why. Grief is like that. You’ll always feel it, but it will get better. You’ll always have the scar, but the wound will close.”

Silence lapsed.

“...Thank you, Commander.”

Commander Gree gave her a soft, gentle smile. “Why don’t we go play some holochess?”

Barriss gave him a soft, wet laugh and pushed herself upright, using the wall for support. “I’d like that, I think.”

One wrong move, and it was over.

Barriss bit her lip, weighing her options, weighing life and death and sacrifice-

And she moved her Kintan strider to the inner circle.

Gree gave her a cheeky smile and- with an exaggerated motion- captured her scrimp.

“Fuck.”

“You thought I wouldn’t notice.” He teased. “You Jedi think you’re the only ones who can play that sort of game- but I’m a clone. My brain’s built for details.”

Barriss huffed, leaning back in her chair. Damn. That was one Sith Hell of a blunder. “I wonder what a Force Sensitive clone would be like?”

They’d had this sort of conversation before- the intellectual, theoretical type. It was nice. Barriss had always appreciated a nice book, always enjoyed a thought experiment, always liked to take a moment to stop and analyze. She couldn’t do this with Master Luminara. She hadn’t been able to with Ahsoka, either. They both lived in the moment- albeit in very different ways.

The grief twinged. Less, these days, like Gree had said.

“Oh, he’d probably be insufferable.” Gree liked to process things the same way she did. After the war, Barriss figured that he’d do very well as some sort of academic. “He’d probably get all high-and-mighty about how capable and smart he is.”

“...Can you and your brothers be Force Sensitive?” Barriss’ fingertips hovered over her Kintan strider. Should she move it to take Gree’s piece- take revenge for her poor scrimp- or maintain the boundary of safety it had formed?

“I just sort of assumed we got what Prime got.” The statement could’ve been taken as the end of a conversation, but Gree had that look in his eye. That eager, almost-hungry look. The way he looked when they were on Coruscant, and Barriss took him to see the Jedi Archives. The way he looked when there were rumors of a new weapon or ship. The way he looked when a new holobook was approved for the GAR.

Like Barriss, Gree loved to learn. Unlike Barriss, he’d never had much opportunity. It left him craving knowledge the way a man lost in the desert craved water, dying of thirst.

The holochess game was forgotten.

“Midi-chlorians don’t always work that way.” Barriss tapped out a rhythm on the desk with her fingers. “Most of the time, identical twins don’t have the same count, which is probably the closest approximation to cloning. It runs in families only rarely. Master Mundi’s children don’t have the Force.”

“Huh.” Gree leaned in, placing his chin on top of his hand. “You know, I don’t think they test for that on Kamino.”

“Jedi usually carry a tester, just in case we find a child that might be attuned. I could stick you, if you’d like.” 

“That’d be nice.” Gree smiled at her, wide and happy- the way Ahsoka used to.

Barriss’ heart twinged at the memory, but she allowed it. 

She’d missed having a friend.

“Two-thousand, five hundred.” Gree echoed. “That means… What, exactly?”

“Absolute, dead-on baseline.” Barriss- alright, maybe she had spent a portion of her childhood memorizing the average midi-cholrian counts across species. Sue her. “For a human, at least. Us Mirialans run a bit higher, five-thousand is normal for us.”

“And you are…”

“Ten thousand, give or take a couple dozen.”

“Damn.” Gree paused, deep in thought. “It’s probably a good thing I’m not Force Sensitive. Don’t need that going to my head.”

Barriss giggled. “If it got any bigger, you might just float away.”

“Hey!”

They both dissolved into near-childish laughter. For a moment, just a moment, neither of them were Commanders of anything. They were just two friends, joking and laughing and living their lives.

Then Master Luminara knocked on the door, and the bubble popped.

“A moment?”

Barriss turned. “What is it, Master?”

Master Luminara, as usual, looked serious- but she cracked a small smile. It was a strange look on her. “I have news I think you might want to hear.”

“...News?” For the life of her, Barriss couldn’t think of what Master Luminara might want to talk about.

“You might want to sit down for this.”

Barriss glanced at Gree out of the corner of her eye, but he just shrugged. Whatever it was, he didn’t know either. They were past the point of not telling each other important things, anyway, not unless it was a matter of confidential intel. And since they were both Commanders of the same battalion, there wasn’t much of that.

She did as she was told, settling down on her desk chair.

“They found Ahsoka alive.”

For a moment, the entire galaxy stopped.

Barriss doubled forwards, clutching her chest- fingers pressed over her rapidly-beating, aching heart. It was a good thing she was sitting down, because she certainly would have collapsed. “What?”

“She’s safe in the Temple. She has been for a few days, but the Healers didn’t want anyone to know until now.”

“Even you?” Barriss had trouble believing that. Master Luminara was on the council-

Her Master shrugged. “Wartime secrecy, I suppose.”

Ahsoka’s alive! Ahsoka’s alive! Ahsoka’s alive!

Her best friend, her best friend!

Barriss had to force herself to speak. It proved hard. “Thank you, Master.”

Master Luminara gave a deep dip of the head, and then she was gone. Just like that. Her Master had never been good at talking.

Gree was silent for a few seconds. Their casual, easy conversation had dissipated- like the smell of heady incense, let out through a window. “I’m… Happy for you.”

And Barriss knew.

What would Gree give, to have Archer back? To be reunited with his long-dead brother? Barriss hadn’t done anything to save Ahsoka, hadn’t done anything to bring her home- but here she came anyway, tumbling back into her hands.

Gree would never get that chance.

“Holochess?” Barriss kept her voice soft.

He smiled at her, even with the sad look in his eyes, and he sat down next to her once more.

That night, after he’d left, Barriss sent Ahsoka a message. It pinged- confirming that Ahsoka’s comm was still online, and that she’d received it.

She never got a reply.

Barriss was only an amateur healer, but amateur needed to be good enough.

She never liked it when they needed to dig in, to form trenches. Trenches weren’t like forts or stations or ships- they were messes of mud and standing water and disease. Infection and disease and necrosis ate at the soldier’s injuries, filling the air with the cloying stink of rot.

Her head spun with exertion, but she kneeled beside the next patient anyway.

Two days ago, the medical dugout had collapsed. Master Luminara was able to hold up the ceiling for long enough that everyone could evacuate, but they’d lost all their supplies. With the Separatist blockade…

All they had left was whatever the medics had already been carrying in their packs. And Barriss.

Black spots danced through her vision, her hands trembled, the galaxy spun around her- but she could not stop. To stop- that would mean people died. Awful, slow, torturous deaths, with no painkillers to ease the way.

For now, this was all that she could do.

Barriss, as gently as she could manage, placed a hand over the wound of the trooper in front of her. He writhed a bit, groaning low in agony. He’d been gutshot, and the pressure of his own blood and organs had opened up the cauterization of the blaster bolt.

There wasn’t much she could do for him.

Again- she was an amateur. And they had run out of bacta yesterday.

Barriss focused on the gushing, the rushing- and sealed the flow of blood.

Barriss tried to stand again, to find the next soldier in need of help- but her legs gave out beneath her. She was left clinging to the side of the trench, feeling the dirt between her fingers, gasping, gasping, gasping-

“Barriss?” The voice was muffled, as if Barriss’ head was underwater. Maybe it was a clone? “Hey, Barriss!”

Yeah, probably a clone. The hand that grasped her shoulder felt armored. The trooper nudged her down, pushing her back into a sitting position. The galaxy came back into focus.

“I’m fine.” She tried to brush him off.

“Clearly not.” It was Gree, holding out a canteen in offering.

“I’m fine.” She echoed, trying to push his hand away. “I don’t need it.”

Water was growing scarcer, too. Barriss had already used up her day’s ration. She didn’t need to steal any from Gree.

“Collapsing won’t do us much good.” He shook it. The muffled slosh was tantalizing. “Come on, now.”

…Damn. He’d really backed her into a corner.

Barriss gave in. At the first sip, she immediately wanted to down the entire thing- but she had better self control than that. She pushed it back in Gree’s hands after only a few precious mouthfuls.

Gree frowned at her, but he took it back anyway.

“The General was able to get a distress signal through.” He joined her against the wall, a strange parody of the first time they’d had a meaningful conversation. “Help should be on the way, soon.”

“Should be? Or is?” She thought the question was a fair one. The GAR was stretched thin, these days. Reinforcements were a dream, the best of times.

Barriss could catch the touch of hesitation in Gree’s voice. “The 501st responded, it seems.”

What? “The 501st? Just the 501st?”

Gree shrugged. “I have no clue.”

“What, after the past two years of…”

“Stupid Jedi Master feuds?” Gree finished for her, when Barriss couldn’t think of the words. It certainly was succinct, if not a bit irreverent. “...Never did find out what all that was about.”

“The clone gossip network can’t match the sheer willpower of Master Yoda?”

“Unstoppable force meets immovable object.”

Barriss tilted her head up. Even through the thick, choking smoke, she could still see Separatist ships darting around like small, distant birds. “...It’ll probably be a few more days before they’re able to actually break through.”

“Not much we can do.” Gree huffed. “...Other than wait, I suppose.”

“Like animals to slaughter.” Barriss crossed her arms over her chest.

“It probably won’t be much longer.” Gree sounded certain, at least. Barriss let his optimism wash over her. “With fresh aerial units? Maybe… Three days.”

“I hope you’re right.”

Gree was wrong. It didn’t take three days.

It took three hours.

Barriss was still away from the front- tending to the mounting number of wounded soldiers- when the 501st’s Resolute came into orbit. She assumed that it would take a while before they were able to break the blockade, because everyone assumed that.

So, she stayed where she was- maintaining the dwindling supplies, pushing back Force Exhaustion-

And then the first  dipped into the atmosphere.

Barriss gritted her teeth and pulled herself back to her feet.

The 41st was given a brief reprieve as the Separatists focused on the attacking ships. Overhead, one of the 501st’s ships was struck in the wing.

It flagged, it lagged- its pilot ejected and Barriss felt a distant, anticipatory sting of loss because there was no way that the poor trooper would survive parachuting to the ground, not with all the vulture droids-

It was not a trooper.

Spitting, golden plasma was clearly visible overhead, even from so far away. The lightsabers shone through the smoke as the Jedi- Ahsoka, that was Ahsoka, it couldn’t be anyone else- gutted one droid fighter, then lept, and ducked, and latched onto another.

Force. Barriss had never seen anything like it before.

Leave it to her idiot, insane friend to invent something like that.

The 501st broke through the air blockade faster than Barriss thought possible. And Ahsoka-

Barriss was, maybe, ten paces away when she finally hit the ground.

She pounced on an ultra battle droid. With a single arc of a lightsaber, she cleaved it in two. Ahsoka rolled off as it collapsed, already moving to the next.

It was fast, terrible destruction. Ahsoka had always been a good fighter, winning more than half of their childhood sparring matches, and she’d done well when they’d taken the factory on Geonosis- but now she was a force to be reckoned with.

Barriss barely processed the 501st’s gunships landing. She barely processed the presence of new, fresh troopers. She barely processed her patients being evacuated.

This was her first time seeing Ahsoka in over a year- her first time seeing Ahsoka since she’d supposedly died.

Despite the dull, persistent ache of an Exhaustion headache, despite the heavy, oppressive weight of hundreds of souls she hadn’t been able to save-

Barriss still felt happy.

The rest of the battle fell into an easy rhythm, from there.

Before long, the droids were on the backfoot. Barriss lost track of her best friend, staying with the 41st while the 501st moved forwards. She returned to her duties with the medics. At least until Gree chased her away.

Barriss leaned against one of the 501st’s gunships, holding the water tankard that her co-Commander had forced into her hands, and watched as the battle crawled away from their trenches.

It was good to be able to drink as deeply as she wanted.

Her headache abated, just a little bit.

She hadn’t noticed just how tired she was- just how much the long agony of the past several days had sunk deep into her bones- until she was startled awake by a ration bar being lobbed at her chest.

Force, she was hungry, too. 

“How long was I out?” Barriss tore into it with her teeth. It was gone in a few heartbeats.

“A couple hours.” Gree joined her on the dirty- frankly disgusting, but they were both covered in mud and grime anyway- ground. He had his own ration bar, which he took a bite of before continuing. “501st’s coming back for their ships.”

“Oh, oh!” Barriss scrambled to her feet, then nearly toppled over. She had to use the gunship for support. Force- when adrenaline and desperation wasn’t keeping her going…

Everything hurt. She hadn’t recovered from Force Exhaustion yet, and this ration bar was her first meal in… A couple days, maybe? She hadn’t been keeping track. She was tired and still thirsty and probably needed a trip to the medbay herself-

But if the 501st was coming back for their ships, then Ahsoka-

“Hey, Barr, I don’t think…”

She didn’t hear the rest of what Gree was trying to tell her.

“Do you think you could point me in the direction of your Commander?”

The 501st trooper that she’d approached was an ARC, because Barriss assumed that a higher-ranked soldier would be more likely to know. He just narrowed his eyes at her. “Around, I’m not sure.”

“Oh.” Barriss stumbled. “Could you… Maybe tell me where I could find someone who might know?”

He looked very displeased. Barriss didn’t know why. But- whatever he was thinking, he did sigh- and point. “Captain Rex should be over there.”

“Thank you.” She gave him a smile and a small bow- neither made the grimace budge off of his face- before she hurried in the direction that he’d indicated. Captain Rex! She’d met him, and he’d probably remember her. He’d seemed to like her well enough, even if he hadn’t known what to think of her.

He was easy enough to spot, thanks to the fact that he wasn’t wearing his helmet and he was still bleaching his hair. That was good- the troopers had been issued new armor since the time that they’d met, so she probably wouldn’t have been able to recognize his kit.

“Captain.” Barriss felt faintly out of breath. Force, that was embarrassing. It had been a long few days.

He looked, briefly, surprised to see her, then-

Oh… He wasn’t very happy, either.

Had she misread something, when they’d met? She didn’t think so- Barriss was good at people, even if she usually kept her distance. “Do you know where Ahsoka is?”

His frown deepened. “Still in the field, I believe. She was bringing up the rear. She usually does.”

It killed her that she didn’t know that about her best friend. That she didn’t know how she operated, how she worked. She knew Master Luminara’s methods, she knew Gree’s- she understood them, she meshed with them. But Ahsoka had become an unknown quantity.

Not for much longer!

“Thank you.” She dipped into another bow, even though ducking her head made stars light up behind her eyes, but Captain Rex didn’t seem to like it any more than the ARC had. “Ah! I think I see her coming now. Thank you, again!”

Ahsoka’s silhouette was very easy to spot. Most of the battlefield was flat, and it was currently mostly empty. The montrals stood out. She stopped moving when Barriss starting making her way over. Waiting.

Barriss- damn her to the Sith Hells she was excited.

It had been so long, so long-

Ahsoka’s robes were soaked with blood.

Not just any blood- Barriss was, unfortunately, very well aware of the shade of red that came out of a clone trooper. This was a brighter, more saturated color. This was a bit tongue during sparring, this was a skinned knee while climbing rocks in the Room of a Thousand Fountains. This was Ahsoka’s blood.

“Ahsoka, are you-” Barriss stumbled forwards. She still had a bit more energy in her, she was sure. She could heal her, no problem! Not all the way, of course, but enough to stop the bleeding- and there was so much blood.

Ahsoka wasn’t clutching an injury, and- when Barriss got close enough to touch her- she stepped backwards smoothly.

Barriss, for the life of her, couldn’t tell where she’d been hurt. And that was ridiculous because this was her best friend and healing people was her job-

“I’m fine.” Her eyes were flinty- as cold and as blue as ice. 

“You’re-” Barriss sputtered. “You’re clearly not fine.”

“Clearly-” Ahsoka gestured with her arms, showing how she was, inexplicably, still in one piece. Which should be impossible with how much she’d lost- “I am.”

Barriss thought she might get sick. She always got nauseous when she’d over-exerted herself with the Force, and she’d also probably eaten that ration bar too quickly- but now her nose was filling with copper reek of blood and her best friend was hurt and lying about it-

Ahsoka tried to brush past her.

“Please.” Barriss reached out to grasp her shoulder. “Let me help y-”

Ahsoka punched Barriss in the gut.

It was lightning-fast. As quick as she’d been with the droids. Barriss doubled over with a gasp, curling her arms around her stomach.

And- oh, there she went.

She didn’t have much to vomit up- running on very little water and the recently consumed ration bar. Ahsoka watched her all the while- her eyes flat and disinterested. Like Barriss was some kind of… Squirming bug.

Barriss wiped her mouth with the back of her hand, gasping for breath. “Aren’t we- Ahsoka you’re my best friend.”

Barriss didn’t know what she was hoping for. Maybe she’d be able to get through to her. Maybe Ahsoka would explain what she was going through- what had made her so angry. But none of that happened. Instead, her lips pulled into a faintly disgusted snarl. “No, I’m not.”

And just like that- Ahsoka turned and left.

Barriss found herself alone- still feeling ill- hunched over in pain in the ruins of a battlefield.

After the war, Barriss activated online capabilities on her datapad.

Technically, she wasn’t supposed to. Jedi were expected to stay off the holonet, and Padawans were explicitly banned. But nobody needed to know. Force, nobody would ever suspect her, probably. She was just Barriss- quiet, off on her own. No trouble at all.

And, well. It wasn’t like she was using it to… Find somewhere to buy deathsticks. Or something.

In the corner of her screen, a message popped up.

OPPONENT (Gree):

You’re off your game today.

He wasn’t wrong. Gree was- Barriss didn’t like to curse, but she’d use it here because Gree did- kicking her ass. She typed out a response.

YOU:

I guess I am.

OPPONENT (Gree):

Feeling alright?

Barriss almost- almost- didn’t tell him. Because it was stupid. Usually, they told each other most things- but this was dumb. This was dumb, and pathetic, and embarrassing, and…

YOU:

Thought I saw Ahsoka today.

YOU:

Obviously it wasn’t her, but it shook me up.

OPPONENT (Gree):

Damn.

OPPONENT (Gree):

Yeah, she’s still on-planet. She and some of her ARCs have been talking about bounty hunting, but for now they’re on Ket.

YOU:

Yeah, I know. Figured you’d give me a heads up if she did leave. So I’d know if there was a chance of running into her.

YOU:

Even if it’s a small chance. Big galaxy.

OPPONENT (Gree):

I don’t think it’s that small of a chance.

OPPONENT (Gree):

You’re both magnets for trouble. Might end up gravitating towards the same mess.

Barriss huffed a laugh- then proceeded to lose another piece to Gree. Oops.

OPPONENT (Gree):

Gotcha. Haha.

They didn’t message back and forth for a while, then- playing a few more games. It was nice. She did miss Gree, because of course she did- but at least she still had some contact with him.

It wasn’t like Ahsoka.

It wasn’t.

Barriss… Still found herself thinking of her old friend so often. Every time they were back on Coruscant- all that Barriss could see in the Temple were the places that they used to spend time together. She couldn’t stand to be near the crèche or the Room of a Thousand Fountains. Being in the mess hall made her stomach hurt.

This was grief. Grief for a person who wasn’t even dead.

After half an hour, she finally opened the chat back up.

YOU:

Can I ask you something?

OPPONENT (Gree):

Shoot.

You:

Is she happy? Doing well?

It took Gree a while to format his response. The message ‘OPPONENT IS TYPING’ a constant presence at the bottom bar of the chat box. Barriss knew that he didn’t need to clarify who ‘she’ was. Who else could it be?

OPPONENT (Gree):

I think so.

OPPONENT (Gree):

The 501st can be a bit aloof about some things, so it’s hard to tell. But I think she is doing well.

Barriss wrinkled her brow.

YOU:

Aloof?

OPPONENT (Gree):

Look.

OPPONENT (Gree):

I say this with the love that I have for all of my brothers.

OPPONENT (Gree):

They’re a bit weird?

Wow. Barriss had almost forgotten about how strange the ARC and Captain Rex had been acting- she’d been so caught up in Ahsoka’s anger. Now, though? Now that Gree brought it up? They’d been angry, and she’d been angry…

YOU:

Weird how?

OPPONENT (Gree):

They talk about things strangely sometimes. I know they had a really low casualty rate but they talk about our dead brothers… Not the way a person would usually talk about war deaths, I guess? More the way that you’d talk about someone dying in a speeder crash. An unlikely, horrifying accident.

OPPONENT (Gree):

They boast like the rest of us. Regular war stories, you know? But the details they do or don’t conclude can be a bit funny.

OPPONENT (Gree):

They mingle with the rest of us, but far less than any other battalion does. They’ll brush elbows with us often enough, but most of the time when you see a 501st trooper they’re standing in a group of other 501st troopers. The rest of us don’t really act like that.

OPPONENT (Gree):

Oh, and absolutely under no circumstances should anyone ever bring up their Jedi in their presence. Because they hate their guts. But we already knew that.

Gree was right. That was weird. Really, undeniably weird. The part of Barriss that memorized average midichlorian counts desperately wanted to sink her teeth in deeper. She needed to know why. She needed to understand why Ahsoka and her troopers had turned out that way.

OPPONENT (Gree):

The isolation probably cooked their brains a bit.

…Yeah. That was probably the answer.

Barriss imagined chasing down her racing thoughts like govaths escaped from their paddock- imagined circling them, corralling them. Putting them back where they belonged.

That’s all it was. Isolation. Master Yoda and his stupid plans and his stupid feuds. That was why Ahsoka was the way she was. The reason why the 501st was the way they were. Nothing more to investigate. A singular, easy cause for all the misery.

Her imagination didn’t listen to her, really. It wanted to keep going. It probably always would.

Barriss didn’t let it.

The evacuation of the Temple came only a few days after the massacre of the Senate.

Barriss hadn’t been able to sleep properly since the announcement of the terms of disarmament. Gree hadn’t answered any of her frantic messages, and logically she knew that he was probably just busy but she was still terrified.

And then- just like that, everyone in the Senate was dead. Or… Senates. Technically. They were both there.

Sure, there were some survivors. Technically. Mon Mothma from the Republic. Mina Bonteri from the Separatists. They’d both walked out after the disarmament ruling, and had staunchly refused to touch anything else related to it. Their respective coalitions had joined them.

But- Force there were so few planets who hadn’t been willing to back the proposed slaughtering of the clone troopers. It had disgusted her, enraged her- and Barriss wasn’t someone to get angry easily.

Now, she was… Mostly afraid of what those numbers meant.

Because several thousand people had been left to cool in the Senate Dome-

Even though Barriss could feel that the Force ached with the violent loss of life- she still didn’t mourn too much. But there was fear.

It had only taken a handful of minutes. There was no damage to the building. No sign of a struggle- bodies rended apart by the Force. What could be capable of that? What kind of monster was slinking around the galaxy- waiting to find its next victims? Would it be the Jedi? A whole planet?

It seemed that she wasn’t alone in worrying about it, because exactly thirteen hours after Master Luminara left to go do something that she refused to tell Barriss about- the Temple was being emptied.

The Jedi Masters who’d left hadn’t come back alone.

Clone Commanders were glued to their Generals’ sides once more- maybe closer than they ever had been, heads dipped in whispered, urgent conversation as troopers helped crèchemasters corral the younglings, helped Master Jocasta Nu empty out the Jedi Archives, helped carry the patients from the Halls of Healing out on stretchers.

Barriss stuck with the latter, of course.

Moving back and forth through the halls, she got to see a lot.

There were members of the Coruscant Guard there, lingering awkwardly without a General to help coordinate their activities. At least- until Master Vos snagged one of their Commanders by the elbow and pointedly asked: “Your lot know how to keep your mouths shut, yeah?”

Off they went, then, to go help Master Vos with… Whatever it was that the Jedi Shadows needed removed from the planet. Barriss probably didn’t want to know.

In the chaos, she didn’t see her Master or Gree even once- but there were troopers with familiar, dull green paint. So they had to be somewhere.

What she didn’t see-

Was even one soldier in bright, 501st blue.

A lot of people seemed to be deliberately avoiding Barriss.

Or…

Almost everyone, actually.

Conversations ended the moment she walked into one of the tiny, cramped rooms on Yavin. Crèchemasters hurried their charges away. Everyone seemed to be very interested in anything else whenever she tried to talk to them.

Even Master Luminara.

Even Gree.

There were exactly two exceptions to that rule.

Commander Wolffe, who- for reasons beyond her- seemed to have decided to integrate her into his batch. This was despite the obvious discomfort of three of his batchmates, who followed the same policy as everyone else.

And… Commander Fox. Commander Wolffe’s other batchmate, who tolerated her and gave off the vague sense that he didn’t care if she was talking to him because he didn’t want to be here in general.

Barriss didn’t know why Gree wasn’t talking to her and she hated it-

No, no. She… She didn’t hate it. She tried to let the anger go. She wasn’t mad at Gree, she wasn’t. He just… It reminded her of Ahsoka, refusing to answer her comm messages. Another friendship drifting apart. She wanted to hold on with her fingernails, but it was slipping away.

Ahsoka wasn’t here, either. None of the 501st was, and nobody dared to mention them. Barriss didn’t even have a chance to reconcile.

Whenever she tried to ask someone where they were, they’d always change the subject. End the conversation, as quickly as possible.

Sometimes, people would disappear at night- more often clones than Jedi- and a ship would go missing from the hangar. Some battalions lost more than others. Master Plo Koon’s 104th was still entirely whole, while Commander Fox was the only Guard Commander left, and the rest of his force followed the trend. Just a fourth.

Again, everyone seemed to know where they were going- except Barriss.

She only knew where they went when they left a note, specifying some particular place. Master Billaba and her Padawan, for example. They had left to lend aid to the galaxy, severing their ties to the Order but remaining Jedi in all but name. People were willing to talk about that.

But the vast majority of the people who left? Especially the clones?

Silence, nothing.

She thought she might be going mad. Like there was… Some kind of grand conspiracy that everyone was in on except for her. Hadn’t she and Gree adopted a policy of not hiding things from each other? What had changed?

Barriss got an answer in the form of a public broadcast.

The Jedi and the clones who’d joined them had become insular. Barriss had no clue what was going on in the wider galaxy, especially nobody would tell her- but this broadcast was fancy enough, official enough, that the ratty holoscreens in the mostly-abandoned, half-repaired base could pick it up.

Nobody seemed to notice Barriss slip in the back.

It wasn’t like they had any conversations that they could cut short, anyway. Everyone was watching the broadcast in rapt silence. They hadn’t fixed the audio system yet, so the only sound in the entire room was that of breathing.

A smiling, waving man was on the screen. He looked overly-friendly in a slimy, oily way that made her skin crawl. The broadcast… Looked like some kind of parade? Barriss struggled to read the captions from so far back.

Then, the shot changed. And, abruptly, she no longer cared about the captions.

That was Ahsoka.

The quality was terrible, and she’d changed so much - but Barriss still could recognize her tells. Her eyes held a flat, glassy kind of disinterest. Kind of like Commander Fox, actually. Like there was somewhere else she desperately wanted to be. Something else she desperately wanted to be doing. But that wasn’t an option.

And yet- there was the deep, angry crease in her brow. The tension in her mouth. That was the easily-angered girl who’d punched Barriss in the gut, who’d declared them to not be friends anymore and-

…And that was a military uniform. And there were flags she didn’t recognize, and Barriss couldn’t help but feel like everything was sinking away from her.

The scene cut away to a reporter. A nervous-looking Twi’lek. She hid it well, though. And she enunciated well, despite how upset she was . She did it well enough that Barriss could read her lips. Even on a tiny, terrible screen. Even from the back of the room.

The first ever Empire day-

And nothing else mattered.

There was an icy pit in Barriss’ guts. She thought she might be falling into it. She didn’t know if she’d be able to crawl out. It was so dark. So cold. And she was alone.

Oh. She must’ve made a sound. Must’ve broken the agreed-upon quiet. Everyone else had noticed that she was there. They were looking at her, now. Staring.

Maybe the pit was okay, actually, because she couldn’t stand the way they were looking at her.

Master Yoda least of all.

She was startled by her own anger.

After all, if it wasn’t for him and his ridiculous schemes- Ahsoka never would’ve been isolated. She would’ve had a Master who nurtured her. She would’ve had Barriss. She would’ve had other Jedi- a support system besides her equally haywire battalion.

None of this would have happened! None of it! Ahsoka wouldn’t be on some stupid Empire Day float. She probably wouldn’t have even left the Order.

…And nobody would be looking at Barriss like any minute she’d snap and stab the trooper standing next to her to pieces. Because, once upon a time, she’d been friends with Ahsoka Tano. And that meant she was dangerous, too.

Her hand clenched over her lightsaber.

And she threw it at Master Yoda’s feet.

Her throat was choked with snot and tears- and Barriss couldn’t even bring herself to care. “This is all your fault.”

He didn’t even argue with her! He just ducked his head, ears drooping. He refused to even give her the dignity of looking her in the eye. Of openly acknowledging the lives he’d ruined. He was ashamed, yes- who cared? She super didn’t fucking care!

Barriss took in a deep, shuddering breath- blinked past her tears- and let go of her anger. The way her Master had taught her.

And, just like that- without a word to anyone else, not to Master Luminara, not to Gree- she turned and left. And that was it.

Well. It wasn’t like she had any bridges left to burn, anyway. Everyone she knew had already started the fire on their own sides.