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It was just like any other day. Winter break had ended a few days prior and everyone was getting back into their school routines. There were only a few weeks left in the school year and everyone was a little over everything. Stress levels were high as everyone completed their end-of-year tests, especially for the younger ones in fourth grade who were experiencing them for the first time.
Minho had completed his middle school entrance exam before the winter break had started so he was the most relaxed out of the kids, spending most of his time reading in his room rather than actually socialising with anyone. Oh, how Chan looked forward to the coming moody teenage years.
The kids burst through the front door, kicking off their shoes and running upstairs the moment they could, ready to enjoy the weekend ahead of them.
Well, most of them did.
Jisung was moving a little slower, seeming to take a few seconds to process things. It was making Chan nervous.
“Are you alright, bud? You seem a little off,” he asked, resting his hand on Jisung’s shoulder as the boy carefully untied his shoelaces. Jisung just nodded, not looking up at Chan.
“Just a bit tired,” he replied after a few moments. Chan could tell that he wasn’t telling the full truth but he wasn’t going to force Jisung to talk about anything he didn’t want to. If something was really wrong, Chan trusted that his son would come and talk to him.
“Alright, you go get some rest upstairs. Do you want me to bring any food up for you? How about some tea?”
“No thanks, I’m just gonna…” the boy trailed off, staring blankly at the wall in front of him for a few seconds before blinking a couple of times and resuming speaking. “I’m just gonna go finish some stuff I didn’t get done at school today.”
“Okay, bud. But come and get me if you need anything.”
“I will, I will.” Jisung picked up his backpack once more and headed up the stairs.
Chan had an uneasy feeling in his gut but tried to ignore it. He was known to be overprotective of his kids, a little too overprotective at times, so he was almost definitely overreacting to the situation. Jisung was probably just tired like he had said, he was focusing on his school work so much, determined to perform well in the end-of-year tests even though he was only in fourth grade.
A few hours passed with nothing of interest happening. Chan did some work, replying to emails and such, before starting dinner.
The house was soon filled with the smell of delicious stew as it bubbled away on the stove. Jeongin came down the stairs, intrigued by the smells that wafted up the stairs. He stood on his tippy toes, peering into the pot as Chan stirred it.
“Do you want to try it to see if it needs anything else?” Chan asked, scooping up some stew with the wooden spoon. Jeongin nodded eagerly. “Be careful, it’s hot,” Chan told him as he brought the spoon to Jeongin’s mouth. The boy slurped loudly, smacking his lips as he swallowed.
“That’s really yummy,” he told his dad, doing a little happy dance. Chan couldn’t help but smile.
“I’m glad. We just have to wait for the rice to finish cooking and then you can eat all you want.” Jeongin grinned even wider.
“Can I help set up the table?” he asked.
“Of course you can. You know where the bowls and cutlery are.” Jeongin shot off, placing a bowl in front of each chair at the table.
The two of them talked about school while they worked separately in the kitchen. Well, it was more that Jeongin talked while Chan listened, but it worked. Jeongin was the only one who wasn't having big tests at the moment, which he was constantly rubbing in his brothers' faces.
Soon enough, dinner was ready and everyone was called downstairs.
Chan put some stew into each of their bowls using a ladle and allowed the kids to serve themselves rice. Sure, some of them didn’t quite understand what portion control was just yet but they would learn with time.
Finally, he served himself and sat down with the kids at the table. Everyone chorused “thank you for this meal” before picking up their spoons and digging in.
For the first few minutes, the room was silent apart from the sounds of spoons clattering against the edges of bowls and periodic slurping sounds. However, conversation did start eventually.
They didn’t talk about anything particularly interesting, just things about how their days had gone. Hyunjin asked Chan if he could help him with a math problem he was struggling with after dinner and Minho offered to help Felix with some comprehension questions he couldn’t quite get the hang of. You know, domestic stuff that families talked about at the dinner table.
Something was off, though. Or someone was off.
Jisung, who was usually very talkative during dinner to the point where Chan had to remind him to actually swallow his food before talking, was oddly quiet. There would be periods of time where his face would go blank and he would stare unseeingly, spoon suspended between his bowl and his mouth. Occasionally, the corner of his mouth would twitch or his lips would protrude, but it just seemed like he was lost in thought.
Chan made a note to check on him again later that night to make absolutely sure that everything was okay.
One by one, the kids excused themselves from the table, stacking their empty bowls next to the sink for Chan to load into the dishwasher. And that was exactly what he did. Humming to himself under his breath, he rinsed the larger pieces of leftover food out of the bowls and lined them up neatly in the dishwasher. As boring as some people found tasks like this, Chan actually found them quite enjoyable. He liked the mundanity of them. It was relaxing in a way to be able to turn your brain off a little and perform uninteresting, repetitive tasks.
However, his relaxation was shattered by thundering footsteps and a panicked voice shouting as Changbin threw himself down the stairs.
“Appa! APPA! Appa, please come here! Something’s wrong with Jisung!”
Dropping the bowl he was holding, Chan didn’t even process the sound of it hitting the wooden floor and shattering everywhere. He sprinted towards the stairs, past Changbin who had a terrified expression on his face, tears shimmering in his eyes.
“Where is he?!” Chan asked, taking the stairs two at a time.
“In my room,” Changbin sobbed. “He—he said he wasn’t feeling well and—and then he—he just fell over and was moving around really—really really weird. Appa, what’s wrong with him?”
Chan burst into Changbin’s room, pushing past Felix who was walking across the landing to investigate the disturbance. What he saw was something that made him feel like he was going to throw up.
On the ground was Jisung, his body twitching and jerking as strained noises came from his throat. Red-tinged saliva was dripping from the corner of his mouth, pooling onto the ground next to him.
Chan moved on instinct, taking Jisung’s jerking body and turning him onto his side so that he wouldn’t choke on his spit. He barely even heard Changbin crying behind him as he wrenched off his hoodie and put it under Jisung’s head, which was repeatedly hitting the floor with a sickening thud each time.
“Someone go get my phone from the kitchen counter! Now! Call 119 and hand the phone to me!” Chan called behind him to whoever was there. He heard someone rushing away and running down the stairs so focused back on Jisung.
The boy’s limbs were still jerking violently and Chan felt utterly helpless. What had even happened? Why was this happening? The breathy grunts coming from Jisung’s chest pulled on Chan’s heartstrings. His son was clearly in pain and he couldn’t do anything about it.
A phone was thrust into Chan’s vision by Minho, the calling screen already open on 119. Chan grabbed it and held it to his ear. Each ringtone felt like hours as he breathed shakily.
Finally, someone picked up.
“This is the Fire and Ambulance Centre, what is the address of your emergency?” Chan rambled off his address before the operator even finished talking.
“I think my son is having a seizure, I don’t know what happened, please send someone.” There was quick typing coming from the other end of the phone.
“How old is your son and is he conscious?”
“He’s 10, I was told by my other son that something was wrong and came upstairs to him on the ground twitching and breathing weirdly. I don’t think he’s conscious.” Chan felt like he couldn’t breathe, Jisung was still jerking and he wasn’t stopping.
“Has he had more than one seizure?”
“No, I—I don’t think so.”
“Is he known to have epilepsy?”
“No, he’s perfectly healthy, I don’t know what’s happening, please help.”
“Don’t worry, sir, an ambulance is on its way. I need you to stay on the phone with me, okay?” Chan gasped out a reply. “How long has the seizure been happening and is he still having convulsions?”
“I don’t know, maybe a couple of minutes? I wasn’t here when it started, I didn’t—I didn’t check the time. I think they might be slowing down, maybe a little bit.” It was true, Jisung wasn’t moving as violently anymore and he had quietened down a little. This didn’t reassure Chan one bit, however.
“Has he hit his head or injured himself as a result of the seizure?” the operator asked.
“His head was hitting the floor but—I can’t—I can’t see any other injuries.”
“Alright, when his convulsions have fully stopped, it is safe to touch him. Feel free to comfort him as he regains consciousness, it is likely to make him feel better knowing who is there with him and not to be crowded.”
After what felt like hours, Jisung’s body finally went limp.
Chan let out a sigh of relief and informed the operator what had happened. Instinctively, he reached forward and began stroking Jisung’s hair, getting it out of his face.
“Baby, can you wake up for me?” he pleaded under his breath.
“Appa,” came a shaky voice from behind him. “What’s wrong with Ji?” It was Hyunjin.
“I’m not sure but there’s people coming to help him. He’s gonna be okay, Hyunjin, don’t worry.” Chan was saying the words comfort himself as much as his other sons. “Can you go downstairs and let the ambulance workers in when they arrive, please?” There was a wobbly agreement and five of the kids walked down the stairs together, huddling close to each other for comfort. However, one of them shuffled towards Chan and Jisung.
“Sungie? Please be okay,” Changbin sobbed as he carefully moved towards his brother and father on the floor.
“He’s okay, Binnie, he’s okay.”
Chan continued to stroke Jisung’s hair with shaking hands, silently begging for his son to open his eyes, to move, to do anything that would indicate he was awake.
Finally, Jisung let out a pained groan, his face scrunching up in discomfort.
“Appa,” he grumbled quietly.
“I’m here, baby, I’m right here. You’re okay, you’re safe.”
“Hurts,” the boy whispered, not opening his eyes.
“I know it hurts, baby, but there’s people coming to help you. They’re almost here. Don’t try and get up, just stay where you are, okay?” Jisung groaned again, his little chest rising and falling shakily.
“Sungie?” Changbin asked again, sniffing as he shuffled closer to Jisung.
“Careful, Bin, he’s not feeling well right now,” Chan said, putting a hand out to stop Changbin from getting too close to Jisung. Changbin just shook his head, carefully moving closer and closer until he was hovering over Jisung. The boy then placed a small kiss on his brother’s forehead, replacing Chan’s hand in Jisung’s hair with his own.
“You’re okay, you’re safe,” Changbin echoed Chan’s words. Chan felt tears well up in his eyes as he watched Changbin comfort Jisung.
Not long after that, Chan heard the front door open and the sound of people entering the house. Glancing out onto the landing, he saw Minho leading the ambulance workers towards where Jisung was.
The next few minutes were a blur of questions, stretchers, and hurried footsteps. Jisung was being taken away into the ambulance, Chan following helplessly.
Before he walked out of the door, Chan crouched in front of Minho.
“I don’t know how long I’m going to be away but I’m going to call Halmeoni from next door to see if she can come and look after you all, okay? Can you be really grown-up and take care of your brothers while you wait for her to arrive?” Minho nodded silently, holding out his pinky finger to show he was serious about his role as the eldest. Chan gave him a watery smile, linking fingers with his son.
“Thank you, Min. You know my phone number is on the fridge if you need absolutely anything. I love you.” Chan pressed a kiss to Minho’s forehead before rushing out of the house and closing the door behind him.
Once he climbed into the back of the ambulance, Chan pulled out his phone and dialled the number of his neighbour.
“Hello?” came her voice after a few rings.
“Hello, Halmeoni. I’m really really sorry to ask this but would you be able to go over to my house and look after the kids for a while? I've had to take Jisung to the hospital really suddenly, I just don’t want to leave them alone in the house.” His voice shook as he spoke, the severity of the situation feeling so much more real now that he was saying it out loud.
“My goodness, of course. I’ll go over and see them right now. You just focus on your boy, don’t worry about anything, they’ll be well taken care of.” Chan let out a relieved sigh, his head falling into his hands.
“Thank you,” he breathed. “Thank you so much, Halmeoni.”
“It’s no trouble, dear. Now, go and focus on Jisung, I’ll take care of everything at home.”
Chan thanked her a couple more times before hanging up and looking over to Jisung, who was having all sorts of things measured. There was a blood pressure machine wrapped around his arm and another thing clipped onto the end of his finger. The ambulance worker in the back with them was shining a little torch into Jisung’s eyes presumably to see if his pupils were dilating or not. The man then stood up straight, pocketing the torch as he turned to take a bandage out of one of the bags.
“Everything seems to be stable for now but the doctors in the emergency department will definitely want to run more tests to find the cause of the seizure. Do you know if there is any family history of epilepsy?” he asked, wrapping a temporary bandage around Jisung’s left wrist, which already had purple bruises blooming under his skin.
“He—he was adopted when he was quite young so I don’t—I don’t have access to his family’s health records or anything.” The ambulance worker frowned. “Is that a problem?” Chan could barely process anything that was happening. He didn’t know what tests they had done on Jisung, he didn’t know why they were bandaging his wrist, he just wanted to know whether or not his son was going to be okay.
“Not necessarily, but it could definitely complicate the diagnosis process.”
“You think he has epilepsy?”
“Since it was only one seizure and more tests haven’t been conducted yet, there isn’t enough evidence. I’m no specialist, but I have seen a few cases working in other hospitals similar to your son’s that ended in an epilepsy diagnosis.” Those words sent Chan’s mind spiralling. Epilepsy? Could Jisung be epileptic? What did that mean for the future? For his future?
Chan was brought out of his thoughts by Jisung’s voice.
“Appa?” he asked nervously. “What does epilepsy mean?” Chan looked up at his son. He looked so small and frail, fear etched onto his face.
“It’s a condition that causes seizures, like the one you had earlier.” Jisung’s eyes filled with anxiety.
“It has to happen again?” he asked, voice higher and tinged with panic.
“No, baby, it doesn’t have to. They don’t know what it is just yet, it could not be epilepsy. It’s probably just a one-off thing and it won’t happen again.” He took Jisung’s small hand in his own and stroked his knuckles comfortingly. Jisung nodded after a short while, breathing deeply.
“Appa, I’m tired,” he muttered after a few moments.
“You can sleep, hun. I’ll be right here, I’m not going anywhere.” Before Chan had even finished his sentence, Jisung’s eyes were fluttering shut.
“I’m surprised he didn’t fall asleep before now. Seizures like the one you described usually wipe people out, especially young kids,” the ambulance officer told him, checking one of the machines hooked up to Jisung.
“Is he going to be okay?” Chan asked.
“He seems like a tough kid. I think he’ll be okay.”
The nearest hospital was a little while away, but eventually, they managed to arrive at the emergency room.
Due to the fact that Jisung had been brought in by ambulance, they didn’t have to go through the regular waiting process of turning up at the emergency room. A doctor immediately came over to them and checked Jisung over, taking all of the information from the ambulance workers as she did so.
“There are only visible signs of minor injuries so it seems that he is mostly recovered from the seizure already apart from the sore muscles and tiredness, which is to be expected,” she explained to Chan.
“So he doesn’t have any head injuries or anything from hitting his head on the floor?” Chan asked anxiously. The doctor shook her head.
“It seems that you putting your sweatshirt under his head prevented any traumatic injuries to his head. However, it does seem that there is quite a bit of bruising and swelling around his wrist but it doesn’t feel broken. It is likely sprained or twisted from the muscle contractions or falling on it at an odd angle so I will have a nurse come over and strap it up so he doesn’t injure it further.”
“Thank you,” Chan said, bowing his head to the doctor.
“Now, on to the cause of the seizure. You say that he has no history of epilepsy?”
“No, he’s been a healthy kid up until now, this was the last thing I expected to happen. I mean, he was acting a little off earlier, he kept zoning out and staring into space but I—I thought he was just tired, that’s what he told me.” The doctor frowned, looking over at a half-asleep Jisung on the hospital bed.
“I will order some blood tests and an MRI to check, but based on what you described, it seemed that he had an epileptic seizure. When he was ‘zoning out’, did he ever do small, repetitive motions? For example, did he mime chewing or did the corners of his mouth twitch? Anything like that?” Chan thought back to dinner and how Jisung had been making weird faces throughout the meal.
“Yeah, his lips kept moving even when he wasn’t doing anything,” he told the doctor. She scribbled down some notes on her little clipboard.
“I will go and order the tests now, but I am warning you now, there is likely to be quite a wait for the MRI since there is already a long waiting list. The nurse taking the blood tests should be over soon, though, as well as answer any questions you may have.”
“Is…” Chan lowered his voice so that Jisung wouldn’t hear him. “Do you think he’ll…have another one?” The doctor looked at him sympathetically.
“It is possible, especially if my suspicions are correct. But if he does have another seizure, he’s in the best possible hands. We have people monitoring him and once the blood tests are taken, I will have the nurse put an IV in and start some anti-epileptic drugs as well as some extra fluids which should greatly reduce the chance of him having another seizure. I’d recommend changing him into the hospital gown now so that you can take your time before the IV is put in.”
“That’s okay. Thank you so much.” Chan bowed to the doctor, who bowed back before leaving the little curtain cubicle they had been given.
Chan sat down on the hard chair that was placed next to Jisung’s bed and let out a sigh. Things had progressed so quickly, this was definitely not how he had expected to spend his Friday evening.
Jisung looked so peaceful, having fallen asleep while Chan and the doctor were talking, Chan didn’t want to have to disturb him. But, eventually, he did have to.
Gently stroking the boy’s hair, Chan began saying his name gently.
“Jisung? Buddy, you need to wake up for a little bit.” Jisung’s eyebrows creased and he opened his eyes, looking around blearily.
“Mm?” he hummed, eyes finally focussing on Chan.
“You need to get up so that you can change into a hospital gown, can you do that for me? You just need to sit up and I can do the rest.”
Chan helped Jisung into a sitting position and asked the boy to lift up his arms a little while he attempted to gently take off his t-shirt. Jisung shivered a little as Chan was trying to figure out which way up the hospital gown went, goosebumps appearing all down his arms. Thankfully, it didn’t take too long for Chan to find the arm-holes and help Jisung into the tragically too-large hospital gown. Chan knew that Jisung was on the smaller side but the white and blue gown was practically drowning the boy.
Chan quickly hurried to help Jisung take off his shoes and socks as well as the jeans he had worn to school so he was able to lie back down and be more comfortable.
“Appa?” Jisung asked as Chan put the thin, scratchy hospital blanket over him.
“Yeah, buddy?”
“Can I go back to sleep now?” His eyes were large and glassy as he looked up at Chan. Chan felt his heart melt in his chest.
“Oh, baby,” he said as he pushed Jisung’s hair gently out of his face. “Not just yet, they just need to do one quick test and then after that, I promise you can sleep all you want.”
“What kind of test?” the boy asked, looking nervous.
“They’re just going to put a quick little needle into your arm right here,” Chan pointed at the dip in Jisung’s elbow, “and take a little bit of blood to go and look at really closely so they can check that you’re healthy and strong.” Jisung pulled his arm that Chan had pointed to close to his chest, eyebrows frowning.
“It’ll hurt, I don’t want to do it,” he said, voice slightly higher pitched.
“I know, buddy, but it’ll be really quick, I bet you won’t even feel a thing. And, afterwards, they’re going to give you some medicine through your arm to make you feel better. Doesn’t that sound good?” It took a few moments, but eventually, Jisung nodded, although he kept his arm clutched close to his chest.
“Can…Can I hold your hand?” he asked quietly after a short while. Chan smiled.
“Of course you can. You can squeeze super duper tight if you need to.” A small smile formed on Jisung’s mouth, which Chan took as a win.
It took about another 10 minutes of waiting, but eventually, two nurses entered Jisung’s little curtain cubicle, one of them holding a small metal tray.
“Alright, now Jisung, we’re just here to take a blood test for you, is that okay?” the nurse holding the tray asked as she walked over to the right-hand side of Jisung’s bed. Jisung nodded, looking up at her nervously. “My name is Haeran and this is Minjee,” she indicated the other nurse standing behind her. “Minjee is learning how to be a nurse like me, is it okay if she comes and watches?” Jisung nodded again.
As Haeran set up all of her things, Jisung was looking down at the needles nervously. Minjee seemed to notice and crouched down next to his bed.
“If you’re nervous, you can hold my band, Jisung,” she said kindly, holding out her hand. Jisung took it immediately. “That’s right, you just squeeze tight and I bet you won’t even feel a thing.” Chan couldn’t help but feel grateful towards Minjee. She looked quite young, probably only mid-twenties at most, and yet she had such a maternal feel about her when talking to Jisung. Sometimes Chan wondered if he was depriving his kids of that motherly figure when raising them by himself. But this wasn’t the time to think about that, Jisung needed him right now.
Haeran put a tie around Jisung’s arm, tying it tight just above his elbow before feeling around for a vein. She seemed to find one rather quickly as she soon moved on to disinfecting the area.
“Alright, Jisung, is it okay if I start doing the blood test now?” Haeran asked. Jisung nodded nervously.
“Look at me, bud, you’ll be okay. It’ll be worse if you look at it.” Jisung turned his head to face Chan, squeezing both of his hands tightly around Chan’s and Minjee’s.
Haeran counted down from three before she stuck the needle in. Jisung’s face scrunched up in discomfort and all Chan wanted to do was push Haeran away from his son. She was hurting him, it shouldn’t go on any longer, but he forced himself to stay in his seat, running his thumb across Jisung’s knuckles comforting while muttering encouraging words to him.
Soon enough, everything was done and Jisung had a little valve-like piece of plastic on his elbow. The boy looked down at it once he realised it was all over, frowning down at it as he let go of Chan’s hand to reach towards it.
“Don’t touch it, buddy,” Chan told him gently.
“I don’t like it, though,” Jisung complained. Chan took his hand again to stop him from fiddling with the IV, especially as Haeran attached the fluids and anti-seizure medication.
“I know, but that’s how they give you some medicine to make you feel better. It works a lot faster that way.” Jisung pouted but eventually stopped trying to take out his IV. Minjee wrapped a bandage around it for good measure before the two nurses bowed to Chan and Jisung. Chan returned the bow, shooting a grateful smile at Minjee. He was sure he saw the corners of her mouth twitch upwards in what could only be pride.
Jisung fell asleep not long after, which was definitely deserved in Chan’s opinion. Chan even allowed himself to relax a little. He had been so on edge the entire time but now that Jisung was receiving some anti-seizure medication it calmed his anxiety, even if it was only somewhat. He found himself watching the liquid drip rhythmically from the bag into the IV line as if each drop was reassurance that his son was going to be okay. Every once in a while, Chan would watch the heart monitor, following the line as it went up and down, up and down, up and down.
It was going to be a long night.
They had arrived at the hospital at roughly 8:45 pm and now it was almost 11:30. One of the only good things about the ridiculously long waits in the emergency room was that it gave Jisung a chance to sleep properly. Chan wondered how the kids at home were doing. He hoped that they weren’t staying up too late, they also needed their sleep. Sure, it was a weekend but he didn’t need six sleep-deprived kids on top of Jisung having a seizure.
Chan was leaning on the edge of Jisung’s hospital bed, head resting in his arms as he drifted in and out of consciousness. Just as the clock on the wall passed midnight, his phone began to ring in his pocket. Quickly getting up and walking just outside of the cubicle, Chan saw that it was his neighbour’s phone number.
“Hello?” he asked sleepily.
“Hello, Chan, dear. I’m so sorry to disturb you, I’m sure you’re very busy with Jisung and everything, but Changbin has come downstairs saying that he’s worried about his brother and wanted to call you.” Chan sighed. It was sweet how Changbin worried so much about Jisung. The two may not seem close at first but they cared so deeply about each other, just in smaller, quieter ways.
“You can give the phone to him,” Chan said after a few moments. There was the sound of rustling and muffled talk on the other end of the phone before a small voice came through.
“Appa?” Changbin asked quietly.
“Hi there, Binnie. What’s up?”
“Appa..” Changbin repeated, voice thick and strained. “Is Sungie going to be okay?” Chan heard Changbin sniffling and all he wanted to do was scoop the boy up in his arms and hold him tight, never letting go.
“He’s going to be just fine,” Chan reassured the boy. “He’s been given some special medicine that is making him feel all better. We’ll be home in no time, don’t you worry.”
“Can…Can I talk to him?” Changbin asked.
“He’s asleep right now, buddy, but I promise that, when he wakes up, I’ll call you right back. Now, how about you go back to bed and get some rest, okay?” There were a few seconds of silence, only broken by Changbin sniffing.
“Binnie?” Chan tried again.
“Yeah?” came his tiny voice.
“Go to bed, baby. You’re really tired and you want to be awake when Ji gets home, don’t you?”
“Yeah…” Chan could just picture the expression on Changbin’s face. He made it so often when he knew he was going to have to do what Chan said. It was honestly adorable, his lips protruded and a slight frown on his brow.
“Ask Halmeoni to tuck you in again and then I’m sure you’ll be able to sleep perfectly fine. I’ll call her and tell her when we have an update on Jisung, okay?”
“Okay…Night, Appa.”
“Goodnight, Binnie.”
Chan hung up the phone and walked back into the cubicle to see Jisung’s eyes open.
“You’re awake,” Chan said, sitting back down next to the bed. Jisung just nodded.
“Who were you talking to?” he asked after a few moments.
“I was talking to Changbin. He called on Halmeoni’s phone because he wanted to know how you were doing. He was worried.” Jisung’s eyes widened slightly.
“He was?” Chan nodded.
“He was very worried about you.” He leaned in closer, reducing his tone to a whisper. “Don’t tell him I said this, but he was even crying because he was so worried.” Jisung grinned sheepishly, letting out a small giggle.
“Binnie was crying,” he teased. Chan chuckled.
“He was. It just shows how much he cares about you.”
A couple more hours passed and Jisung was struggling to fall asleep. It was about 2:30 in the morning and the boy just couldn’t sleep. He looked exhausted, large bags under his eyes and skin pale, but it was as if his body was forcing him to stay awake.
“Appa,” he mumbled, turning his head to face Chan’s chair.
“What is it, bud?” Chan asked, sitting upright and shuffling his chair closer to the edge of the bed. His gut was telling him that something was very wrong.
“My arms feel all tingly. And my legs. I don’t…I don’t like it. It’s what it felt like last time.” Jisung’s breathing was becoming uneven as panic overtook him, tears welling up in his eyes. “Appa, I’m scared.” Chan was immediately thrown into full-on parent mode, pressing the emergency button next to Jisung’s bed before stroking Jisung’s hair.
“Shh, you’ll be okay, baby. It’s gonna be okay, I’m right here.”
A doctor hurried in just as Jisung’s eyes rolled back, all of his muscles tensing in a clearly uncomfortable manner. All Chan could do was watch as the convulsions started, pained groans coming from Jisung’s throat. He had already seen it once, but this time was just as bad, even though he had been given some warning.
The doctor monitored Jisung closely, glancing between Jisung and a small, hand-held stopwatch in his hand.
After what felt like hours, Jisung’s body stopped twitching and his muscles relaxed against the mattress. Chan was there immediately, pushing the hair out of his face and holding his hand, rubbing his thumb over the warm skin comfortingly. Jisung was still unconscious but Chan still spoke to him, whispering words of comfort to the boy.
“I will wait here until he regains consciousness, but since this isn’t his first seizure, I expect he will be perfectly okay. It wasn’t at a length that would cause any major concern. But now that we have had a member of staff witness a seizure, I think that it will greatly help get a diagnosis for him quicker than it would with just a description.” Chan nodded, still focused on Jisung.
About a minute later, Jisung’s eyes flickered open. He looked around for a few moments, seemingly trying to get a grasp on his surroundings.
“It’s usually helpful to a patient to be told where they are and who they’re with after they wake up from a seizure as they can experience quite a lot of confusion,” the doctor said to Chan. He didn’t need to be told twice.
“Ji, you’re okay. You’re in the hospital, and I’m here, Appa’s here. You’re okay now, it’s all over, you’re safe,” Chan said comfortingly. Jisung stared at the ceiling for a few moments before dragging his eyes over to Chan. Despite how horrible he must have been feeling, Jisung managed a small smile. Chan smiled back at him, fighting tears from his eyes.
“I will go get you some new clothes then I will inform your doctor of what happened,” the doctor told Jisung after checking the machines hooked up to him. It was only then that Chan noticed a wet patch on the hospital gown. Jisung’s face flushed in embarrassment and he looked away from Chan.
“It’s okay, Ji, you don’t need to be embarrassed. It’s completely normal, you weren’t in control of your body. Plus, it’s just me, I used to change your diapers when you first came to stay with me.” Jisung let out an embarrassed laugh.
“Appa, that’s gross,” he whined. Chan chuckled.
“It’s true.”
The doctor handed Chan a fresh set of clothes for Jisung, who helped the boy change before allowing him to fall back asleep.
When the clock on the wall read 3:25 am, a kind-looking nurse pushed back the curtain.
“Hi there, Jisung. We’re ready to have you come and to your MRI now so let’s get you up there so you can go home, how does that sound?” Jisung nodded sleepily as he had only woken up a few minutes before the nurse had arrived.
Chan walked right behind the nurse, making sure to stay as close as possible to Jisung.
They went up in one of the big hospital elevators that had enough room for the beds, which Jisung thought was very cool.
“Appa, this elevator would be able to fit all of us,” he said excitedly. “We wouldn’t have to squish together in the corner. They should make all elevators this big.” Chan chuckled. It was true. Whenever all eight of them went anywhere, elevators were one of their biggest challenges. If other people tried to come in, everyone was packed like sardines and it was a challenge to get out of the tiny doors when they arrived at their floor.
“You’re right, Ji, it would fit all of us just nicely.”
“Have you got lots of siblings?” asked the nurse. Jisung nodded.
“I have three older brothers and a twin and two younger brothers!” he told her, a big smile on his face.
“Oh wow, that is a lot. I’m sure your parents are working very hard.” She gave Chan a look with a glimmer of humour in her eyes.
“It’s just Appa, not parents,” Jisung corrected. The nurse’s eyes widened even further.
“Then your Appa is working super hard to take care of you all.”
Soon, they arrived at the radiology department and Chan was given a form to sign while the nurse explained to Jisung what the MRI was going to be.
“You’ll go into a big tube but you’ll be able to see your feet and me through some mirrors so you won’t feel so stuck, okay? It’s going to be quite loud but I’ll give you some special headphones so I can talk to you and those should hopefully block out some of the noise.”
Jisung then followed the nurse into a separate room, he was able to walk without any machines because his IV had been taken out not long after his second seizure, Chan giving him an encouraging thumbs up as the door closed.
Chan waited, his leg bouncing up and down as the minutes ticked by. The form he had signed on Jisung’s behalf said that the scan would take 20 to 30 minutes, which felt like the longest time in the world. You’d think it would feel short after you had been waiting in the emergency room for six hours, but it most definitely didn’t. He could still feel every second passing by agonisingly slow.
Once the MRI was done, Jisung climbed back onto the bed and they went back down to the emergency department for, you guessed it, more waiting! Chan was getting a little sick of it by now. However, now that Jisung had had the main scan done that the doctors had planned, they should hopefully be able to leave somewhat soon.
It seemed that Chan’s prayers had been answered as only about an hour after they had returned to the emergency department, a doctor came into their cubicle holding a clipboard.
“I’ve just had a look at your MRI scan and it has come back perfectly healthy, which means the seizures weren’t caused by any tumours or abnormalities in your brain.” Chan hadn’t even considered that the seizures could have been caused by a tumour but now that it was cleared as a possibility, he was grateful.
“For now, we are going to give a basic diagnosis of epilepsy and prescribe some new anti-epileptic drugs as the ones we gave through the IV earlier in the night caused another seizure.” Chan nodded along, trying to understand what the doctor was saying through his sleep deprivation. Jisung wasn’t really listening, he had been attentive at first but something had made his expression fall and his eyes go out of focus.
“We also want you to come back next week for an EEG just to confirm the diagnosis of epilepsy. You should receive a text and letter with the time and date sometime soon.”
Chan was taught what to do if and when Jisung had another seizure. It was definitely reassuring knowing that he was now prepared to help Jisung when he needed it but it was also anxiety-inducing at the same time. He was the one who would be responsible for Jisung’s safety when he had seizures and he didn’t know how he was going to handle that pressure. Of course, he would handle it for Jisung’s sake, but it would be difficult.
As Jisung was being formally discharged, Chan was given a thick booklet about childhood epilepsy with everything he could possibly want to know about everything—from types of seizures to causes and prevention. They were also given another anti-seizure medication, something called Depakene, whatever that was. He was supposed to take one tablet a day and it should help lower the amount of seizures he had.
Finally, at 5:09 am according to Chan’s phone, the two of them walked out of the hospital doors. It was considerably cooler outside than when they had first arrived. There were even a few snowflakes falling through the air. The cold temperature caused Jisung to begin shivering. Chan pulled off his hoodie and pulled it over the boy’s head. He was practically drowning in the hoodie but it kept him warm.
Since they had arrived at the hospital by ambulance, they needed to call a taxi to take them back home.
Jisung fell asleep against Chan’s arm on the drive home, completely shattered from the experience. Chan let him sleep, trying his best not to move as he paid the taxi driver. It was difficult to get him out of the car without waking the boy, but Chan managed it eventually.
As he pushed the front door open, Chan saw their next-door neighbour sitting on the couch, Changbin curled up in her lap, fast asleep. She turned when she heard them open the door, giving Chan a tired smile.
“How is he?” she asked quietly so as to not wake the kids.
“He’s…as good as he can be. He has epilepsy.” A sympathetic look spread across their neighbour’s face.
“I used to look after a young girl who had epilepsy. It was a tough time but she didn’t let it stop her. She was still able to do everything that the other kids were doing. I’m sure Jisung will be just like her. He’s a strong boy.” Chan smiled weakly.
“Thank you for looking after the kids, Halmeoni.”
“It was no trouble. They were absolute angels.”
Chan carried Jisung upstairs, tucking him into bed as quietly as he could so as to not disturb Felix, who was fast asleep on the top bunk.
When he came back downstairs, he lifted Changbin off of their neighbour’s lap as carefully as he could, holding the boy on his hip as he thanked the elderly woman over and over again. She said her goodbyes and Chan was able to take Changbin upstairs and into his bedroom.
Just as he was about to leave after tucking the boy in, Chan heard some movement coming from the bed. Turning around, he saw Changbin rolling over, looking over at Chan sleepily.
“Appa,” he said quietly. “You’re home.”
“I am home, buddy. So is Jisung.”
“Is Sungie okay?” Changbin asked. Chan smiled.
“He’s perfectly okay. He’s asleep in his room at the moment, and you should go back to sleep too. It’s been a long day for everyone.” Changbin nodded and closed his eyes once more.
“Night night,” the boy muttered quietly as Chan flicked off the light.
“Goodnight, Binnie.”
——
It took a little while, but eventually, everyone was able to understand what Jisung’s epilepsy diagnosis meant. They were all taught the basics of what to do if he had a seizure—a few things about first-aid and then to go and find Chan, never leaving Jisung alone—and they went on as normal. Jisung didn’t go to school on Monday as his new medication made him quite tired, but the doctor had said that the side effects should wear off within a few days.
Changbin was being the best older brother that Jisung could ever ask for. When Jisung returned to school on Tuesday, Changbin was right there with him the whole time, comforting him when he was nervous about potentially having a seizure at school. Chan felt his chest swell with pride at his second eldest son. Of course, all of the kids were comforting Jisung and helping him through everything, but Changbin was practically glued to his side.
It was on Thursday that things took a slight turn for the worse.
Jisung had come home from school early because he wasn’t feeling well and Chan couldn’t help but feel anxious. He was keeping a close eye on Jisung wanting to be there just in case anything happened.
It was around 1:30 and Chan was sitting on the couch, scrolling through his phone, when he heard footsteps coming down the stairs.
“Appa,” came a small voice from behind him. Chan whipped around to see Jisung swaying slightly on his feet.
He jumped straight into action, hurrying over to Jisung, only just managing to catch him before the boy hit the hard ground. Chan pulled off the sweater he was wearing and placed it under Jisung’s head just as the convulsions started. It took him a few seconds, but he quickly remembered that he was supposed to be timing the seizure. Pulling out his phone, he started a stopwatch with shaking fingers, constantly trying to monitor both the time and Jisung.
Chan noticed a little bit of blood around Jisung’s mouth so decided to roll him carefully onto his side just to be careful. It wasn’t a massive amount of blood, probably only a light bite on his cheek or tongue, but Chan still wanted to be careful.
After what felt like hours, but had only been about two and a half minutes, Jisung’s convulsions began to slow down. Chan let out a little breath of relief when the boy’s body finally went limp.
“You’re okay, baby, it’s over now, you’re safe. It’s just Appa here, you’re at home, you’re downstairs, you’re going to be okay.” Chan kept repeating those words until Jisung opened his eyes.
“There you are, buddy. Do you know what happened?” Jisung took a few seconds to process his father’s question, blinking a few times as he thought of a response.
“I had a seizure?” he said quietly, phrasing it like a question as if he wasn’t quite sure.
“That’s right, bud, but you came down and told me before it started so nothing bad happened. You were very brave.” Jisung hummed, eyes fluttering closed again in exhaustion.
Jisung was too tired and sore to move, so Chan carefully picked him up and carried him upstairs to his bed. He tucked the boy in, placing a kiss on his forehead before leaving him to sleep.
When it was time to pick the other kids up from school, Chan woke Jisung up and got him into the car with the promise that he could go back to sleep as soon as they got home again. The boy was a little disgruntled but eventually followed Chan outside to the car.
The drive to school was quiet, with the radio playing quietly in the background while Jisung stared out the window. He had his knees curled up close to his chest as he rested his head in his hand, watching the streets slip by. Chan couldn’t read his expression from the quick glances into the rearview mirror but he didn’t want to pressure Jisung into talking about something that wasn’t even wrong.
The other kids met Chan and Jisung in the car, now being old enough to not be met at the school gate every day. They chatted animatedly, telling both Chan and Jisung about their days. Chan tried to reply to each of them as best he could but Jisung’s replies seemed to consist of hums and unenthusiastic “wow”s.
When they pulled up back at the house, Jisung was the first out of the car, heading straight inside the moment Chan opened the front door. Chan sighed. He knew something was wrong now but he felt utterly useless. As the kids were growing older, they were telling Chan less and less about things that bothered them. It was a part of growing up but Jisung was still young, only 10 years old, Chan thought that he might at least have a few more months of being told every little thing that went through his head.
Later in the afternoon, Chan found one of Changbin’s library books that had presumably fallen out of his bag on the way inside. Picking it up, he headed up the stairs and into the boy’s bedroom. However, when he opened the door, he found the room empty. It was odd considering the fact that Changbin was usually finishing up his homework around this time. Frowning slightly, Chan placed the book on his desk and headed back out onto the landing.
He was about to go back downstairs when he heard the sound of Jisung’s laughter coming from his and Felix’s room. Naturally, Chan’s curiosity was spiked and he quietly walked over to the door, peering around the corner into the room.
Jisung was sitting on his bed with Changbin and Felix, the two younger ones listening to a dramatic retelling of what seemed to be Changbin’s day. Chan couldn’t help but stay and watch for a little. He hadn’t seen Jisung smile all day, when the boy was usually full of positivity. Ever since he had gone to the hospital at the end of the previous week, something had been…off about Jisung. And yet, Changbin was always able to make him smile and laugh. Chan couldn’t be more grateful.
The weekend finally rolled around and Jisung had an early morning appointment with a neurologist. He was finally going to have the EEG the doctor from the emergency room had ordered just to confirm the diagnosis of epilepsy. A friend of Chan’s was going to look after the other kids while they were at the hospital, so the two of them got in the car and began the 20-minute drive.
It took a little while for them to find the right department once they arrived at the hospital but they got there eventually. The doctor was a lovely older man who Jisung seemed to like, which definitely made the whole process easier. Chan didn’t really know what an EEG was but the doctor tried to explain it in simple terms to him. From what he understood, they were recording the electrical signals of Jisung’s brain.
Once all of the little disks were placed onto Jisung’s head, he was asked to do a few simple tasks such as opening and closing his eyes or breathing slowly and deeply. His hands were clenched into fists at his side, a sign of his high anxiety. All Chan wanted to do was hold him and tell him that everything was going to be okay, no matter the outcome of the test.
Roughly 30 minutes later, the test was complete and they were free to go home, being told that they should get the results in a day or so.
The waiting time was hell for both Chan and Jisung. Although Jisung didn’t have any more seizures due to his new medication doing its job, Chan could tell that he was nervous.
When they finally did get the call from the hospital, the doctor on the other end of the phone confirmed to Chan that Jisung had some abnormal brain activity which confirmed their suspected diagnosis of epilepsy. It was official.
Jisung had been waiting anxiously by Chan’s side during the entire phone call, straining his ears to hear what the doctor was saying. Chan hung up the phone and placed it on the kitchen table, Jisung looking up at him with questioning eyes.
“Do I have it?” he asked, hope seeping into his voice. Chan looked down at him, giving the boy a sad smile.
“You do, buddy.” Jisung’s shoulders sank and his expression fell, tears welling up in his eyes. Chan didn’t miss a beat, crouching down and wrapping his arms around the boy, holding him and rocking him gently as he began to cry.
“Why can’t I just be normal?” Jisung asked through sobs. Chan felt his heart break.
“You are normal, buddy, you just have to be careful of some extra things.”
“No!” Jisung cried, shaking his head against Chan’s shoulder. “I’m not normal!”
All Chan could do was hold his son, comforting him as best he could.
Eventually, Jisung’s sobs turned into occasional hiccups as he leaned against Chan’s chest. He then pushed himself off of Chan and headed silently up the stairs. Chan didn’t follow him, knowing that the boy probably wanted to be alone so that he could process what he had been told. However, what Chan didn’t know was that Jisung hadn’t gone to one of his usual hiding spots in his room. Instead, he had pushed open the door to Changbin’s room and walked over to his brother’s bed, where the elder was sitting catching up on some homework.
“What?” Changbin asked.
“They’re not gonna go away,” Jisung mumbled, sitting opposite Changbin on his bed. Changbin immediately closed his school book, pushing it to the side.
“I’m scared,” he admitted after a few moments. “They feel bad.”
“Even though they’re scary, we all have to do stuff that’s scary. The stuff you have to do is just a bit scarier than what other people have to do. But I’ll stay with you. I’ll try make it as not scary as possible.”
“But what if people make fun of me?” Jisung asked, looking down at his lap.
“I’ll fight them,” Changbin said, bringing his arms up to show off his “muscles”. Jisung giggled.
“You’re not strong enough to fight people and win.”
“I’ll get super duper strong,” Changbin retorted. “Then people will see my muscles and run away in fear before I can even hit them.” Jisung smiled.
The two boys sat in silence for a few moments before Changbin went back to his homework, Jisung watching as he worked through the math problems.
“Would you really fight someone for me?” Jisung asked.
“Duh. What else are big brothers for? It’s my job to look after you.”