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Right from the start, or even before that, Tommy knew he had made a mistake. He wasn't regretting agreeing to give Evan the tour. But he was, maybe, just a little bit, regretting inviting Eddie to that MMA fight in fucking Las Vegas. Not only it meant an exaggerated flight - and Tommy never thought he was much of a show-off until now - it also meant he had to cut things short with Evan. He did feel a little relieved, though, when the blonde firefighter arrived earlier than what they had scheduled.
"You're early," Tommy said as he came to meet Evan by his car. The other man smiled sheepishly.
"I went out for breakfast with my sister and niece, thought it was gonna last longer, but Jee wasn't quite feeling like herself, so we had to keep it short."
"Jee is the niece? Howie's daughter?" Tommy asked, he remembered his former co-worker mentioning something about having a daughter on the day of the hijacking of the helicopter, but things were quite crazy that night. Evan opened the biggest smile ever as he fished his phone in his jeans.
"Yes, look at her, isn't she the most adorable thing ever?" He unlocks his phone to a picture of the little girl. She's in his arms, smiling big, pretty similar to the same smile he saw on Evan's face just know. They seem to be at an outdoor space, probably having some sort of meal at a nice restaurant and she’s up in his legs. Evan swipes to show him another picture of them on what seems to be the aquarium. Jee's on his shoulders, pointing at the big shark near them and looking excitedly at it, Evan just looks at the camera, the proudest face and smile known to mankind.
"You're both adorable," Tommy hears himself saying before he can stop himself. The cellphone in Evan's hands falters a little as the man process what he just heard, but Tommy's not taking it back. He looks pointedly at the other man, his eyes finding blue eyes as clear as the sky that morning looking back at him. Evan is a little flushed, his face an adorable shade of pink that makes his birthmark stand out. Tommy feels this suddenly need; he wants to kiss it, kiss Evan.
"So, ready for the tour?" He asks, trying to control his own thoughts. They just met, after all, he's not one to jump into conclusions or assumptions. But well, he might have been a soldier, but next to Evan Buckley, he wasn't the strongest one.
The Harbor Station wasn't exactly a big place, but with all the questions and curious facts Evan had for him, it did take them more than usual to cover all of the place. Not that Tommy minded, he found fascinating the way Evan's brain worked, how the man seemed to have done some research prior to their meeting so he wasn't completely clueless. Tommy made sure to let him know he noticed.
"I like to know things." Evan confessed, quite flustered. "To understand them... I don't know, bit of a nerd I guess."
"It's nice." Tommy assures him.
"Wait till I get on a rampage and can't stop talking for hours..." Evan looks away, and Tommy wonders how often that happens, and people probably don't pay attention to him or find him annoying. "Anyway, what else?"
"Well, left the best for last..." Tommy guides Evan to where everything pretty much started. "The heartbeat of the Harbor Station… Air Operation One. Home to five medium and two light duty helicopters." The man next to him walks looking at everything as if it's his first time there. Well, considering the situation they were in, Tommy thinks it can be considered as such. He has both hands on the pockets of his hoodie and pivots around himself as he takes in every inch of Tommy's workplace. Since he doesn't add any comment, Tommy continues. "Our team consists of pilots, aeromedics, helitac, and ground support. Twenty-four hours a day, we’re available to run brush fire suppression, air ambulance transport," he leans in a little, taking advantage of the man in front of him being a little distracted, and wanting to cause some sort of reaction, not sure of what he's trying to prove here, "high-rise fire response."
"This is so cool," Evan adds, turning to him.
Tommy is convinced Evan has no idea of how adorable he is. The man looks like a kid in the middle of a toy shop and he's unapologetic so, it's endearing. The pilot wants really hard to resist the temptation and the obvious attraction he feels for the man in front of him, but it has been a while since he met someone like Evan. Someone who isn't vain and interested in him just for his looks. Sure, Evan did call him for the tour, maybe wanting to just see the toys or maybe interested in changing things around in his life, but besides all of that, he was capable of holding an interesting, smart conversation with Tommy. Must guys he met just act (or just are, really) dumb like Tommy's some kind of god who holds all the power. It probably has something with Evan probably being straight, so he's not really interested in Tommy like that, much to his dismay, but, at the same time, he's pretty sure that there had been some signs of flirting here and there, even if Evan's unaware of that.
"So, you're thinking about changing things?" He asks because he can't help himself. Sure, Evan had said he was a curious guy and liked to learn things, but there should be some underlying motive there.
"I don't know," Evan shrugs, taking a better look at the helicopter in front of him, his hands trailing its metal delicately. Tommy follows him, waiting as he organizes his thoughts. And if he also takes the opportunity to check Evan’s ass, well, he did establish earlier he’s not the strongest soldier around. "Okay, so, aside from worrying that Cap and Athena were at the bottom of the ocean... Yeah, fine, I guess that night was the most fun I had since being struck by lightning."
Of all the things Tommy imagined to hear from the man, it was not that. And how casually he mentioned being hit by something that could've potentially killed him? Shocked was an understatement for that moment. Still, it didn't sound some kind of morbid.
"You need to raise your bar, kid," he says despite his own shock still processing that information. He's desperate to ask, but maybe at some other opportunity. Evan chuckles a little and looks at him, quick to make his thoughts clear so Tommy doesn’t think the worst of him.
“Not that being struck by lightning was fun, just, uh...” he shrugs, “using it as a point of reference.”
That still doesn’t clarify much of the questions Tommy has clouding his mind regarding this event in particular. But taking from Evan’s dismissal, he doesn’t think the man is ready, or willing for now, to talk about it. Maybe later in the future, if Tommy’s luck enough and Evan’s interested in keeping him around.
“So, what got you into flying?” Evan asks him, “You know, aside from the fact that I assume it feels like having a superpower.”
Tommy laughs, every minute they spend together he feels himself digging deeper and deeper into a whole that turns even more dark. This is risk, Tommy is not a huge fan of taking risks like that. Sure, it didn’t feel like it after he hijacked a helicopter to fly into a hurricane, but that was something different. His job was already risky enough, in his personal life, though, Tommy tried to keep it on the safer side, not taking chances unless they were quite literally in his face. He had no evidence of Evan’s preferences, and the flirting he thought was happening could be pretty much just this: all in his mind.
It doesn’t escape him, though, how Evan avoids establishing pronouns when talking about his exes and the chaos it was dating someone he met on a call, Tommy had his fair share of experience with that, and he could agree that it was awful. It always seemed great in the beginning, and they all thought it was exciting to date a firefighter, until reality hit: the crazy schedules, the constant danger, the not-knowing if that person you’re falling for will come back home.
“I don't know, man, I-I...” Evan says, turning back his gaze to the helicopter next to him. For a moment, it sure looks like he’s considering the idea, but, for some reason, even though they just met, Tommy knows this isn’t what Evan was built for. He saw the guy in action during the cruise ship disaster, he was a natural at that, throwing himself in, no hesitation, just determined to save those people’s lives. “I guess it would be kind of different.” He won’t do it, Tommy’s sure, but there’s a little seed of doubt there, the famous ‘what if’ that could haunt him. He offers a lifeline.
“I mean, look, there's no rule that says you can't get certified and still stay at the 118.” He points out, for a while it was pretty much that for him and Tommy didn’t mind, until the memories and the triggers around the firehouse became too much for him, even under the nice, more positive environment Captain Nash was trying to create. “I fly for fun on my days off.” He brags a little, and it works when Evan looks at him with some sort of admiration. God, Tommy really is showing off like a peacock in heat or whatever it was that happened with peacocks.
“Yeah?” Evan asks, looking quite excited.
“I can give you lessons if you want.” What?! Tommy really was digging himself a nice, cozy hole to wallow when Evan eventually kicked him to the curb and found some woman to tend to his needs. If he was on the outside looking in, he’d have found himself pathetic, grasping for whatever inch of attention the other man could give him.
“Really?” Evan looks somewhat hopeful, like the idea of spending more time with Tommy doesn’t cause him some kind of ick, on the contrary.
“Sure.” Tommy leans in a little, not being able to fight the need to be a little more flirtatious. “My fees are competitive.” He really wants to believe this is the last bone he’s gonna throw out there, but he knows himself and knows how low he can go for someone’s attention, even now, when he considers himself to be more mature and confident.
"You should let me buy you a beer," Tommy hears Evan saying and smiles, how could he not? That's not exactly what he meant by saying his fees were competitive, but he figures he's still winning either way. A part of him feeds on the fact that his attempt of a flirtation worked.
"Sure," he agrees, even though there's something in the back of his mind nagging him, wanting him to remember there's a reason why he shouldn't. He figures it’s just nerves, his subconscious trying to warn him that this is dangerous, that, for all intents and purposes, Evan is pretty much straight and there's no chance for him. But Tommy is not so sure, and maybe not even Evan, even if he doesn't know it yet. "I know a place nearby if you're interested." It was midafternoon, the place wouldn't be so busy they could barely hear each other, or too empty it would be almost awkward.
"Yeah?" Evan asks, seeming surprised that Tommy agreed to go out with him. Jesus, this man was trouble, Tommy was so screwed.
"Sure, come on... Unless there's anything else you wanted to see here?" He asks just to make sure. Evan blushes a bit more.
"Nah, I think I got everything I needed." He answers, quite timidly.
Oh, that's interesting. Tommy thinks, maybe his crush is not as misplaced as he thought it was.
~ * ~
"So, what got you into flying?" Evan asks as they sit by the table and wait to be served their beers. "Like, even back in the army?" He notices the other man's genuine interest, remembering his question before and how it got derailed.
"People, mostly." Tommy answers, because that's the easiest answer. Evan tilts his head a little, like an adorable confused golden retriever. Tommy chuckles. "I was still figuring some stuff out regarding me when I joined the army, but I already knew I was somewhat different. Not that I don't like people, but I do know I tend to be more on the quiet side, keep it more to myself, some people find this weird."
"That's just stupid," Evan says, looking very outraged. "Was it always like this?"
"I didn't have the best childhood at home, so I isolated myself a lot, kids were kids, it's no big deal... But adults, they can be big children when they are in an environment like that." He wasn't so confident in himself back then as he was today. Now Tommy knew more about him, understood and accepted himself better. But back then, it was definitely a struggle. "So, when the opportunity came to take pilot classes, I joined. You've seen first-hand how peaceful it can be. When you're flying, others don't bother to interact with you, and sometimes they even see you as their savior. It did help that I actually fell in love with it."
"Still, that sucks," Evan says, still not over the idea of a younger Tommy being bullied apparently. “Not everybody needs to be a social butterfly.”
“That means a lot, especially coming from you.” Tommy notices, Evan frowns.
“What do you mean?”
“You don’t seem to be on the quiet side, no offense, obviously. It’s normally more outgoing people like you who are bothered by more closed-off people like me.” He explains, not wanting the man to be offended by his observation. Evan’s face relaxes a little.
“Oh, yeah, I don’t really mind. Either way, I think I talk enough for everyone involved, so…” He doesn’t seem proud of that, but Tommy smiles either way. Evan surely has no problem in keeping a conversation active even if involves just him talking. “I’m also more like a people-pleaser than social butterfly,” he adds, and Tommy finds it curious. “A lot of baggage to unpack here, not really good conversation for a first…”
He stops himself looking at the pilot quite nervous, but Tommy just fights the urge to smile, knowing very well what was coming. Evan was going to call this a date. Not that Tommy minds, quite on the contrary, but he wasn’t expecting to hear it – or almost hear it – from the other man. The waitress comes with their beers and Evan starts a long ramble about the brewing process and how he loves those types of beers a lot more than the ones he bought in stores. Don’t get him wrong, he still drinks whatever kind of beer people put in his hand, but he does appreciate those craft beers a lot more.
At this point, Tommy’s already convinced he can spend hours just listening to Evan talk for hours about whatever fact he wants to ramble on about. He’s starting to think how fascinating it is the man’s ability to hold so much information in, and Tommy knows he can google whatever it is that Evan told him, and the information will be correct.
“This is nice, huh?” Evan interrupts one of his rambles, grimacing a little as if he just noticed for how long he’s been talking. He moved on to some weird fun facts about hurricanes and intermittent showers, being interested in the subject after their adventure. And Tommy already hates whoever made the man self-conscious of his ramblings. Tommy is already aware, as well, of how dangerous this train of thought is, but he can’t help himself. “Getting to know each other a little more, without the risk of getting fired, or sinking in the middle of the ocean, that is.”
“That’s an added bonus, for sure,” Tommy smiles, noticing the man becoming a little bit nervous. His rambles masked that pretty well, and the pilot thinks he’s even more adorable.
“I feel like I talked for way too long, is there anything you want to talk about? Or to know?”
Well, Tommy’s definitely curious about a bunch of things regarding Evan Buckley. By this point, even without all of the details, he already knows the firefighter is a danger magnet, it’s a wonder and a miracle he’s alive, sitting in front of Tommy drinking some beer. His stance on the whole being hit by a lightning wasn’t forgotten and the pilot is definitely curious about it. Evan almost died and he still got on a helicopter and faced a hurricane. Sure, he was probably pumping adrenaline to his entire body that he didn’t even feel what was going on, but it still makes Tommy wonder.
“What are you scared of?” He asks before he can stop himself and, to his surprise, sees the man in front of him chuckle and blush profusely.
“Man, now that’s a low blow, right from the start” Evan says, and Tommy feels lost. That was not the reaction he was expecting.
“I don’t get it. You don’t have to say if you’re not comfortable, I can ask something else.” He rushes to make sure the man doesn’t feel obligated to do or say anything he doesn’t want to. Tommy was just impulsive, and he thought that would be his most harmless impulsive thought to act on – there was definitely a lot more going on in his head.
“No, it’s fine… It’s just a little embarrassing, and that’s probably the moment I’ll destroy whatever image of me I fooled you into creating.” The man smiles sheepishly again. Now Tommy’s even more curious and less worried, Evan is not offended by his question. “Promise you won’t laugh?”
“Absolutely not. I don’t make promises I can’t keep,” Tommy says, jokingly but also taking the opportunity to be very honest. He waits, eagerly, to hear Evan’s big secret.
“It’s silly, and I know it’s not rational, but I promise it’ll make sense once you get the full story.” The man starts to explain, and Tommy leans into the table, wanting to hear whatever it is. “I’m actually very scared of… butterflies.”
“What?” Tommy’s laughing before he can even finish the question. It’s not his intention, but it’s also stronger than him. Evan just looks at him, blushing but not offended.
“Look, I know it doesn’t make sense,” he starts, gesticulating and missing his beer for a millimeter or so, “but when I was a kid, I read things, I like to read things, and what I read was enough to make me scarred for life.” He explains, laughing a bit.
“What did you read that made you terrified of butterflies? And, just so we’re clear, it is actual butterflies, right? Not the stomach butterflies kind, right?”
“Yeah, yeah, actual and real cute butterflies.” Evan confirms, and for a moment Tommy thinks the man in front of him wished it was the romantic type. Like he’d be scared of falling in love or something, that probably would be less embarrassing. “So, when I was a kid, I learnt that butterflies could cause you to go blind.”
“What?” Tommy asks again, staring at him in disbelief. He tries to remember something from school, but Tommy was never a good student, especially on those subjects.
“It was one of those sensationalist websites, so it didn’t give many details.” The man explains, and Tommy pays attention, even though he still thinks it’s hilarious. “Later on, I found out that it wasn’t quite like that.”
“What is it, then?” Tommy asks and feels warm inside when he sees Evan perking up, excited that someone really cares about the things he knows. He’s already way too far gone on the man, it’s a point of no return anymore.
“So, basically, butterflies have pollen in their wings and body, right, that’s how they contribute to the pollination of flowers and stuff. The thing is, if, for some stupid reason, you pick a butterfly by its wing with your fingers, and don’t wash your hands after, and eventually take those fingers and rub it in your eyes, it can cause an allergic reaction that can make you go blind. But that’s not as extreme as it sounds, you know? It’s just a possibility,” he clarifies and Tommy smiles, understanding how it was easy to create a scarry headline that would make people curious, and apparently terrified of it. “But when I was a kid, I just read the turning blind thing and, well, that was enough. There’s also some species that drink your blood and tears, so that’s a little terrifying as well.”
“Wait, what?” Tommy asks, never in a billion years imagining that he’d have to agree that butterflies could, in fact, be a little terrifying.
“See? You’re scared now too, aren’t you?” Evan jokes and smiles at him. “Anyway, I still find them cute but, yeah, nowhere near me.” He shrugs and takes a sip of his beer, feeling more relaxed now that the pilot seemed to be on the same boat as him. Tommy doesn’t know where to go from there, he’s still processing the obscure side of butterflies. “I traumatized you, didn’t I?”
“I wouldn’t say traumatized, per se, but yeah, definitely something to think about.” Tommy has to give in.
“Sorry.”
“Oh, don’t, I asked for it. I only have myself to blame for laughing at you, that’s instant karma.” He jokes, delighting himself as he makes Evan laugh. It’s a nice sound, and it makes his face lighter, he looks almost younger when he smiles and laughs. The sound makes him think of a kid at a park. There’s a lot of that when involves Evan, and he wonders why’s that. Tommy knows and understands trauma, having his fair share of them, so he can recognize it easily on other people. “I was waiting for you to say fear of heights or something like that, I have to confess.”
“I’m a firefighter, how could I be scared of heights?”
“You’d be surprised,” Tommy says, remembering a few stories. He analyses Evan for a moment, wondering if he’d ruin this date if he let his most intrusive thoughts win and ask the questions he’s been wanting to ask.
“You wanna know about the lightning thing, don’t you?” Evan seems to read his mind, and Tommy’s not really surprised by it. “Most people do as soon as they learn about it. It does lead to a string of other accidents and almost deaths, I must say.”
“God, how many times have you almost died?” Tommy asks, surprised by the imagery painted by the man.
“About three or four?” Evan looks up and actually counts on his fingers, trying to remember his own emergencies. “I mostly keep these for other… For when I know the person for a long time, so they’re not so scared of knowing me, thinking I’ll just drop dead in front of them.”
It’s the second time he almost says the word date and Tommy feels something itching inside of him to complete the sentence for him, to allow him to consider this a date. He wants it to be a date, and so does Evan apparently. The blonde man doesn’t seem sure of his own feelings, so Tommy respects him and doesn’t say anything, he can follow Evan’s lead and see where they go with it.
~ * ~
It’s a lot darker and a lot later when they leave the bar and go back to Harbor so Evan can get his car and Tommy his. They stopped drinking a long time ago, both remembering they drove there and knowing how irresponsible it would be to go over the limit. They are back at Harbor, and Tommy remembers to check his phone he left on his truck. He's quite surprised at first to see the amount of missed calls and unread messages from Eddie, until it hits him. Evan is behind him, even though his car was on the other side of the parking lot.
"Oh, shit," he swears as he checks the messages asking where he is and if Eddie, by any chance, got the dates mixed up. He surely didn’t, but Tommy got himself busy with something else and forgot he had other plans.
"Everything okay?" Evan asks, now in front of him, watching him with a hint of worry.
"Yeah, sorry, I just... I forgot I had something else for this afternoon," he confesses, no reason to not tell the truth. He looks up and faces Evan, who seems a little guilty by it. "I invited Eddie for this MMA fight in Vegas, but... I got distracted, I guess." He's not proud at how happy he feels by watching Evan blushing and smiling a little at his revelation, worry and guilty all but gone from his face.
"You stood Eddie up?" The other man asks, as if that's a weird conception in his world, and maybe it was, by the little Tommy had learned about him. They didn’t get into too many details, but Tommy got the feeling people left Evan behind a lot, not making him a priority in their lives. Outrageous, Tommy thought. "Because you were with me?"
"Like I said... got distracted," Tommy smiles at him and he's pretty sure Evan shivers a little under his gaze. His stance is quite different now, almost more confident than before, like Tommy had just given him the biggest compliment. "Anyway... I believe we were talking about karaoke trivia on Wednesday?"
Evan looks caught by surprise, and Tommy comes to the conclusion he really wishes to see what goes on that man's mind. He wants to see every bad thing that happened to him to make him so insecure and unsure of himself, of his value. Someone that loves the people in his life with so much devotion shouldn't suffer like this, shouldn't feel less than someone else.
"Are you free?" Tommy asks, smiling at the man in what he hopes is something inviting and validating.
"Yeah," Evan says after a deep sigh, offering Tommy one of his brighter than the sun smiles. "I am free."
“Great, I’ll text you the address later, or I can swing by your place and pick you up?” Tommy offers, now he’s really throwing himself out there, this is dangerous, but he doesn’t care.
“I don’t wanna bother you.” Evan says, even though he seems eager to accept Tommy’s offer.
“I’m offering, it’s not a bother,” Tommy assures him. The man in front of him smiles and Tommy really is fighting for his life here, because all he wants is to give one more step and close the distance between them, kiss Evan silly and goodbye, or hello if they stay for longer, keep this going. He definitely doesn’t want this to end now, or ever.
“Yeah, sure, I’ll text you my address later,” Evan says, seeming excited.
They linger there for a while, neither wanting that moment between them to end, Tommy only hoped Evan’s reason where the same, or at least similar, to his. The younger man seems to notice the prolonged silence between them and clears his throat.
“Anyway, I should go… you should probably call Eddie?” For the second time that day, Tommy had forgotten completely about the other man. He honestly couldn’t care less right now. Eventually he would; he would apologize and come up with some excuse, so he didn’t put Evan in a bad spot with his friend, he didn’t care really.
“Right,” Tommy says.
“Thanks for the tour and the beer,” Evan says, even though he paid for their drinks, he sees unsure whether to do, shake Tommy’s hand? Offer a hug? Tommy wishes he’d kiss him. “I’ll see you Wednesday, I guess.”
“Don’t forget to text me your address, or anything, really… Whenever you need someone to hear your rambles, I don’t mind.” Tommy offers and the man laughs.
“Careful what you wish for,” Evan warns but he knows he doesn’t really mean it. Not with Tommy, at least.
“See you Wednesday, Evan,” Tommy says before he can do something stupid, like kiss him right here and now.
“Bye, Tommy,” Evan says and hesitantly turns around to walk to his car.
Tommy watches him leaving, hating the image even though it does give him a nice view of his ass. He really is screwed here, and in such a short time it surprises him. Tommy remembers his last boyfriend and how long it took him to feel something for the man. All it took was one evening with Evan and he was already almost hearing wedding bells playing in the distance.
He couldn’t wait for Wednesday.