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*****
They walk the road under their feet like an ignorant fool first time. Everything fresh in its decaying glory, and they don't recognize a thing in their path. There is only vague need to go, and unfamiliar faces telling them they have places to be, and they follow, getting lost in the process.
They die a lot for their ignorance. They get used to it.
They end up their journey chained for cause they don't quite understand. And when they see no way out of that… Void (nothing but misery and regret) swallows them whole.
---
They wake up with a sense of deja vu accompanying their every step. They walk the road careful and methodic, noting every crossroad on their path. They listen carefully to words of not-so-unfamiliar faces now, but it seems like all roads lead to their demise, one way or another. And they could live die with it but it seems fates of others aren't much better no matter how careful they thread their steps.
They let their frustration out on the damned, bitterly think their fate is already sealed (ha!), and prolong the inevitable with wandering this cursed place. They get some insight for their troubles at least. There is a bigger picture they're trying to puzzle together but its not quite working yet.
When they exhaust their excuses they reach their end. They end up damning another along with them. And Void (full of guilt) swallows them whole.
---
They wake up and question their sanity. There is familiar road under their feel and friendly bugs who don't recognize them. Familiar weight of their nail gives them no hope for way out. They find lighter weapon to wield. This one feels heavy on their very soul instead.
They can carry that weight. They will carry everyone's regrets if they must. This place belongs to them by birthright after all, and they refuse to damn anyone else still lingering in these paths. They've seen more than enough deaths they couldn't prevent.
And when a crack in armor is presented to them they don't hesitate to slip their weapon in. There is bittersweet satisfaction of finally reaching source of their sorrows (some of them anyway).
There is other one by their side, restless and tired of fighting. They all can finally find piece. And yet… Void (full of hopes) drowns what is left of them.
---
They wake up and don't do a thing the way they're told. There are places to be and things to do and maybe they can find another way, save more than just a dozen lost souls if they try. Call them selfish and stubborn but there are bugs they don't want to see dead again. Call them fool for playing with fates against gods. They won't even try to deny.
They make their way in dreams and wonder if they leave a trace. Would someone remember their face when all is done? Would they want to be forgotten instead?
Climbing up is something they've done for half of their life (other half would be digging deeper). They're good at that. But this climb is harder than anything they've ever done, taking everything from them to keep their focus sharp on the goal.
At what point do they loose themselves in fighting?
Sight of their doomed siblings fills them rage. This is what was taken from them, and their judgement will be the price.
They rise and Void follows.
They win and they loose themselves.
They tear old light apart.
Void (rage) swallows them both.
And Void is hungry in its wake and they can't do anything but watch as they're swept away in this sea of darkest tears. There is no voice to scream that this is not what they wanted.
Void (heavy and numbing) lulls them to sleep.
---
They wake up. They think for a long time.
They will try again. But this is not how they want things to end. They want to leave behind seeds of hope, not destruction. Even this damned trice over place deserves hope. They all deserve some hope.
They find new quest for themselves.
They're no gardener but leaving flowers behind seems like good idea at the time. They think of bugs they now hold dear in their mind. It is a good place to start.
Not everyone they succeed in finding. They still leave flowers behind. Even those that fall appart in their clumsy hands may one day grow. They desperately hope it's enough.
There are bugs who refuse their offerings. Sister, scolding them for stalling. Dear friend, looking too lost in thoughts. Cheerful miner they're afraid to approach. Troupe master, only smiling at them before offering another dance. Lady they hesitate to call mother, offering a warning they don't understand. Snarky nailsmith, threatening to trash it.
But they still leave flowers behind.
They leave them on graves and in bugs hands and in places noone visits and they hope.
They give one to Elder bug, their first friend here. He's happy with present and it fills them with satisfaction of a job well done.
They leave one on kingdom's edge.
They leave one next to road leading to fallen palace.
They leave some for dreamers still sleeping.
They leave one next to their doomed still sealed sibling. Like a promize.
They give one to Seeker who calls them names. For giving them hope. And just as much - for themselves. If they fail again, this will be their grave. They already accepted that.
If there's nothing but demise waiting for them then at least they could try to save everyone else.
They try not to think about how they're their father's child, biting more than they could swallow. But. They're full of Void and Void is always hungry. They'll manage or die trying. And then try again.
They walk fallen kingdom's dreams. They can almost feel more unseen eyes on them. Not just seekers but bugs sleeping and dreaming of them. They wonder how others see them in their sleep. Do they see shadows creeping under their feet, looming over their mask? Do they see Void's countless eyes blinking back?
Sometimes they almost convince themselves they can hear their friends' voices calling out to them, cheering on them. They aren't sure it's wishful thinking or results of their efforts. They hold onto them regardless. This is what they are fighting for.
Their sister's dream is as sharp as when she is awake. Name freely given, name reluctantly accepted, name now cherished sounds harsh and true with her voice. They're nothing but Ghost and this will be enough. They decided so themselves.
Their lost kin is but a lingering wisper.
Their doomed sibling still standing tall and proud. Not loosing battle yet loosing war. They're here to change that. Even if it hurts every time they try.
They make this climb and they walk these stairs and they know what is waiting for them and they feel Void following their every step. And bright old light ahead can try to blind them all it wants. That won't stop them. Just watch.
They rise.
They fall.
Void (full of everything they ever loved and hated) welcomes them in.
They're storm within themselves. Sea current drags them along familiar path but this time they refuse to go under. It's not enough. Just by themselves it's not enough to lift sorrows of many. They try anyway. This is what they came here for. Hope.
Somewhere some part of them finds a speck of light.
And everything goes still.
*****
Hornet thinks they stalk her dreams sometimes. She can never quite catch their facemask anymore, only a shadow hiding in shadows. Footsteps fading in rustle. Clank of metal against stone. Ghost of a ghost.
But never in waking world. This one is full of dealing with survivors. Which there are surprisingly many considering circumstances. She blames Ghost for that.
She isn't quite sure what her place in this mess should be. She's survivor and fighter and self-proclaimed protector and yet she's restless and can't find her footings with so many bugs moving in and out and about.
And then there is her somehow still alive half-sibling. Not a vague figure in her memory but a breathing half-broken living thing. How to deal with this she doesn't know either. She did her part helping with what she could but wounds of mind are harder to heal than wounds of body. This is not her battle to fight.
She looks at what is left of crumbled kingdom and for the first time wonders if this one is not her fight either. There are bugs still standing and willing to build new life. They don't need her that much even if she is willing to help sometimes.
She decides to think about this later, when her mind isn't busy with more important things like survival.
---
They no longer have a title or a name they could call their own, even in the quiet of their mind. The mere fact that it is now QUIET there still leaves them baffled. They forgot it could be like this.
It gets noisier sometimes, when there are many things to keep track of, bugs coming in and coming out and none of them they recognize. Even princess (sister…) looks much older and stands much taller than they could recall. Then again their memory is patchy at best and painful at worst.
The one they recognize only stops by their dreams. The one who answered their silent cry for help. The one they never saw with their own eyes after waking (at least they think they didn't?).
Their mask is a mirror to their own, long outgrown. Their face is now marred with scar deep crack right in the middle, making two halves, held together by sheer force of will. They don't hide the damage even if it's not quite real. Shadows cling to them like cloak, long and ever changing, trail under their footsteps, wispy fog over their head. They never stay for long, only check on them and then fade away in shadows where they came from.
They appreciate visits being short. It's hard to decide how to act with someone who is your saviour and not-quite-but-not-quite-not a new God.
Still, they wish they could reach out. But when they try they can feel only Void wispering back. They aren't sure if they're deaf or just forgot how to listen.
And when they wake they're busying themselves with sights of everything and anything and there's much to think and they do just that - watch and listen and think.
They have life to live. They never expected to have that chance. They will not let it slip out of their hands. It is a promise in a form of a flower and they will try their best to keep it. Price for this was way too high.
This line of thought almost sends them down the spiral but they catch themselves. Not again. They did not survive this long going down that road.
One day at a time.
---
Quirrel finds himself lost in quite uncomfortable way. He was this close to calling it quits on this whole adventuring thing (and more than that but he's not going tell another living soul how close he was to the edge of water that day).
And now there is someone he expected long dead - awake and just as confused as he is - and he's running errands like a young fool again. And quite frankly he'd rather be elsewhere. He is too old for this! Life he was sure he left behind bites him in new ways every day he's here and what is worse he can't find one person he wants to see the most!
How come on all their journey over Hallownest they've met so many times but now that apparently infection is over he can't find a single trace of them?? Did they really meet their demise? He was really doubting that, after personally watching them fight.
But the longer he searches the more he looses hope. Everyone he asks gives him same answers - they've met his wandering friend before infection was wiped out (And wiped out it was!! Leaving no traces to examine but corpses!!) but never after.
He's sure lost wanderer is behind that. It's the HOW that confuses him more than anything. Last times he saw them were when they hesitated to break the seal - he could understand that, there were always things to prepare beforehand - and then when he wentured for blue lake, too tired of waiting for their return.
This one memory is a bit hazy, but he thinks they tried to give him something… Some pretty thing that felt too fragile in his rough tired hands so he gave it back with polite shake of head.
He regrets not holding onto it now. What was it that they offered him? Was it somehow important?
Could it be answer to their fate?
He finds half of an answer in place where he started his descend. Eldery bug, holding onto precious looking flower. It stirs his memory enough to ask. Elder is more than happy to talk but there is melancholy in their voice.
– Amazing flora, isn't it? It is a gift from a friend. I haven't seen them travelling through this old town in awhile… It got much livelier here since then. Doesn't feel like ghost town anymore. Too bad my friend isn't here to see. I wonder if they are wandering farther somewhere now…
That night Quirrel dreams of his silent companion. They're sitting on the bench in hotspring on the lake's edge next to him. They're holding pale looking flower, nothing but memory of a real thing. They don't look at him but still offer it to him. This time he accepts. It hits him like a blow that this could be second time they're saying goodbye.
Words feel wrong when he finally forces himself to say:
– Is this truly your end? Somehow I never expected to outlive someone so resilient as you, my friend..
They turn to him and breath catches in his throat as he looks at their mask, tracing with eyes deep crack running down right between their eyes. No ordinary bug could survive injury this bad. But they're not ordinary bug and he did see them survive similar looking wound.
He tries again:
– Surely that couldn't be it? I've seen you healing cracks before.. Unless this one runs deeper than that?..
They stare at him, as if thinking. Then shrug. He's not getting answers that easy.
When he wakes up there is a petal on his face. But he can barely remember his dream.
---
They linger in dreams for a sole reason of not finding a way out. Seeker no longer here, swept under raging storm they created and with that voice quiet they can't find an anchor.
Dreams of bugs come and go and they cannot manage to do much more than watch.
It makes their hands itchy for action. Pantheon stands quiet without Seeker to channel it.
Familiar faces are the only solace they can find.
They watch from shadows their sister's battles - with herself and the world they left behind. They don't go any closer. No reason to add another problem to already growing pile of them. She'll manage just fine without them, she did so long before they came back here.
Their taller sibling dreams rarely and all their dreams are a patchwork of pains long ignored. They don't hide themselves here because Void has no reason to hide from Void but they don't stay for long. Their fate won't be another burden on battered shell of their sibling. Let them heal.
Many bugs blink on their awareness, some more often than others. It warms their non-existent heart that they left something behind to be remembered by. That there are bugs still alive to remember them.
Nightmare flame visits once in a while with a polite bow. They can't decide if he appoves or not the fate they choose for themselves. They bow back regardless. It's nice to feel heat radiating from him. They don't mind another dance.
Void below their feet is quieter now. Storm passed and parts of it, of them, vaporated into nothingness. Maybe they found peace. But still they linger.
Some part of them, selfish and stubborn, still wants to live.
There are siblings they want to see again.
There are bugs they want to visit.
They wonder if their shell is still out there, unscratched, waiting for their return.
*****
That faithful day the infection disappeared all of them woke up from the same dream. Dream of blinding light setting into inky stormy sea. Of night falling over endless day, with only stars blinking, mirrorred on sea surface.
This peaceful night all of them fall asleep to the same dream. Rain falling down, disturbing calm waters, storm brewing. There is someone lost at the sea with no anchor and no shore in sight.
---
Horner finds herself dreaming of sand under her feet. There is tide coming and she knows not to touch black waters below yet she stays where she stands.
Her red cloak and tall mask could be a beacon on its own but in case its not enough she calls out to the endless sea.
– Ghost of Hallownest!! Are you still there??
---
They dream of Void calling them in and have no choice but to answer.
They have a debt to pay.
They drop down into blackness below without hesitation and let the current drag them along.
Somewhere out there a cry of frustration sends waves over black surface. It is enough to give them direction.
They reach out.
---
Quirrel dreams of walking rocky tunnels under the lake. Claustrophobic feeling weights him down and he watches dark droplets slide down the walls as he walks.
There is pale flower in his hands and it's the only source of light guiding him in the dark. He holds it just a bit closer.
He knows somewhere out there is his lost friend. He just has to find them again.
---
Elderbug dreams of beautiful garden he wishes to grow. He hopes one day his friend will come to see it.
He's okay with waiting. They can take as much time as they need.
---
Nightmare can offer nothing but flickering firelights. They appreciate the sentiment even if it gives them no help in finding a way out.
They cry out send out a spell full of frustration before setting down again. It comes off of them in waves as they float on the surface of endless dark sea. No matter where they look they can't find solid ground anymore.
… Maybe they're approaching this all wrong.
They look back into themselves and search for something, anything. They can find nothing they haven't seen before, countless eyes looking back into themselves.
They keep looking.
They see countless lives cut shorter than blink.
They keep looking.
They see every step they made overlapping, ever-changing yet changing nothing.
They keep looking.
They keep looking until they realize some lights blinking don't belong to them.
They reach and find shiny petals swimming, shimmering in the dark.
They reach and hear voices calling for them, looking for them, waiting for them.
They reach and anchor themselves.
And then they wake up.
*****
Hornet wakes up with a feeling that certain someone did something that would result with more mess she'll have to deal with. Again.
She reaches for her weapon. She sees her taller sibling creep out of their nest towards the well leading down. She sees them drop down and curses under her breath.
She follows.
---
They know not what changed in the Void but its something they can feel. It calls them in, somewhere down there, no longer urgent but now more solid than before.
With energy they didn't realize they had they move down, down, down, towards source of disturbance.
They have pretty good idea what and who they're going to find.
---
Several bugs wake up feeling like they missed something important, unable to pin down what it was. And Myla, one of them, can do nothing but sing herself back to sleep.
Surely tomorrow she'll remember.
Surely.
---
The Teacher is frantically writing down notes when Quirrel finds her awake. Before he can even raise his voice there's a paper showed in his hands and he's walked out of the door he just came in.
– We have new readings and a direction! Go check it out, would you? We have no time to waste!
Scratching his head he looks at the mess in his hands. It's a rough map with several places marked for checking and he can't help but think that his friend's maps were far easier to understand.
Well, he was about to say he's leaving anyway. Latest dream left him aching for another search attempt. He might as well see what all this noise is about on the way.
---
They wake up.
There is headache coming in waves and everything swims before their eyes.
But they're awake now and it's all that matters.
They attempt to get up. Their body feels weak. Weaker than at the very start of they journey. With aching limbs they push themselves from the ground. They feel heavy. They are heavy. In fact they can barely fit into their old shell and they feel Void almost spilling over.
They feel pressure building behind their eyes.
They make first reluctant step.
*CRACK*
Thin line runs down their eye and they can do nothing but hold it down.
They're fragile.
They will destroy their shell from within like this.
This just won't do.
In attempt to release the pressure they try to heal. It helps nothing and leaves them drained instead. Well, so much for that.
They think about dreams.
They let themselves spill into shadows under their feet.
There, that will work for now.
There is now a moving, horned, blinking puddle of Void looking back at them from the floor. Technically, still part of them. But it feels lighter this way.
They let themselves rest for another moment before trying to move again. Void clings to their feet and follows. It dances and thins and creeps like normal shadow would. Just much darker. Much longer. They can work with this.
They need to get out of here and deal with that crack before it gets worse. They have a sinking feeling it will leave a mark they won't be able to fix.
Its okay. They survived worse.
And most importantly…
They will see everyone soon.
