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It should have been easy.
The world around Sonic blurred. All that mattered was the pounding of his feet, the wind on his face. He could feel his pulse beating in his neck as he breathed in and pushed himself to go faster.
Faster.
Nah, this should have been more than easy. Shoulda been a cakewalk, on account of all of Amy’s baking. Like, she’s just awesome. She’s funny and smart and yeah okay he’d admit it at least to himself that she is pretty. Pretty like a force of nature trying to kill him, sometimes, maybe, when he really messes up, but still- that is a type of pretty. Plus, she can put up with and call him out on his bullshit at the exact same time. Not even Tails or Knuckles could do that.
And she was quick with a joke, too, when she felt like a laugh, and Amy loved to laugh. She loved laughter and living and - just- life. All of it. That’s what made her such a good friend.
But she loved him. Without question, she loved him.
Faster.
Sonic huffed, lips twitching. Love-love, he called it. Separate from the other types of love. Why, he couldn’t even begin to explain. He just heard it said that way once and it stuck.
It should have been a no-brainer.
So why didn’t he love her back like that?
Sonic had tried. That fact alone should have been an indicator. Everyone else made being in love like that sound so easy. Hell, she made it look so easy. All those years ago, she had taken one good gander at him and gone, ‘yeah, it’s you,’ and then just- you know- held on.
No matter how fast he had run, she had held on.
Faster.
The amount of shame- of anger and confusion and just fucking shame. He had hurt his friend in doing that, and yeah, she had hurt him too, but-
Sonic shook his head, swallowing as he veered towards the bottom of the sheer cliff face. With one well-placed foot, he launched himself upwards and kept running. Rock and dirt fell back around his ears, and he just kept on running.
How many times had Sonic slipped onto Tails’ computer when he was sure nobody was watching and punched in some awkward internet search only to quickly close out of it? How many times had he broken into the library only to stealthily flip through romances in the low light, not even able to stomach more than a couple of paragraphs every time? It was stupid! This was stupid! The phrase was ‘falling in love.’ From where Sonic stood, it just looked as easy as taking the set of stairs, while all he did was trip over himself on the landing.
Faster.
Sonic jumped, curling in on himself as he rocketed past the cliff edge. Airborne. Nothing to hold onto. He breathed in as he let go. Sonic spread his arms and legs, looking down, as he watched the ground once again close in. The wind whistled. Eyes blinked slowly as he watched the oncoming grass. It wasn’t until the last second he rolled into a ball and dashed forward. The traction of his quills on the ground yanked at him in that familiar way, scratched that itch in him. But it was only for a moment. All too soon, the velocity died down, and he sprung open as his feet hit the dirt and just kept going.
She made that type of loving look so easy, so Sonic had screwed his courage to the sticking place as he did with everything else and gave the whole, ‘Dating Amy Rose,’ thing a go.
…Almost.
He couldn’t help the way his mouth twisted, taut and sour. Of all the things he couldn’t do-
Faster.
Butterflies. It was butterflies in the stomach when you got that love-love, right? But he didn’t have that. He had worms. Big fat happy worms, to be sure. Least, it felt that way to him when he was happy. But every time he watched the minutes tick down before he was supposed to meet her for a date, it felt like holes were being eaten out of him, and the only way he could stop the feeling was to run as far and as fast as possible.
Away from her.
But her grip grew tighter.
Sonic couldn’t say when, but at some point, there was this crack in her voice, this desperation in her eyes that made him wince. That was his fault. That was him hurting his friend, and of all the things Sonic prided himself on being, a good friend was one of them.
But it was hard to be a good friend when that tight grip of her could leave some serious bruises.
Faster.
Sonic clicked his tongue, rolling his eyes up to watch the clouds above him. Where was he again? No wait, he knew. This stretch of mountains and valleys was familiar.
How far away was he from where he was supposed to meet Amy? Eeeeeeh, maybe a day or so by regular transit. Nothing but a quick sprint for him, though.
When was he supposed to be there?
Right around now.
Faster, faster, faster, faster-
Water.
Heels dug into dirt, arms pinwheeling as Sonic sucked in a breath through his teeth. That wasn’t good enough. Legs pumped as he tried to run backwards. His sneaks slipped on the sandy loam and stone as he continued to skid forward. By the time the tips of his shoes came to rest upon the ground, the ocean rushed up to meet them, sighing as it kissed the shoreline.
Sonic winced as the water soaked into his socks.
He grumbled as he trudged back up the beach before hopping on one foot and yanking a shoe off, then a sock.
That’s what it was. That’s what it was like. Everyone else loved the beach, and all he could focus on was how much he hated how his socks got wet.
The worms churned, chewing at the feeling, worrying it, just like when Amy looked at him with those sad eyes and-
Sonic flopped onto his back, tossing his shoes and socks somewhere overhead. He heard them land further up the beach, back towards where tall grass blew in the wind. Hopefully, they’d dry soon. He didn’t want to be here any longer than he needed, not if he could help it. Even just the sound of the waves made him grit his teeth.
It wasn’t even supposed to be a date. No, they had talked. Or rather, Amy talked at him. No, that wasn’t right either. Well, maybe she did talk to him in that way she sometimes did when she was saying something without saying it. He couldn’t remember the specifics. It felt like it had happened all at once but also over a big stretch of time.
Point was, they were still friends.
Right?
Sonic dragged a hand down his face.
The answer was yes, of course, but man, he didn’t want to be like this. And it wasn’t like he was even trying to, because he wasn’t, because he’d never. It’s just his mouth had this bad habit of moving faster than his feet, and his feet could move pretty fast. But then if he did the opposite and just said nothing, well sometimes that was even worse.
He was working on it. That didn’t solve the problem now, though.
Sonic rolled his shoulders with a huff as he placed his arms behind his head. One leg came up so that the other might rest itself atop the knee, foot aimlessly tapping in the wind. Way out in the distance, like a pale ghost, the moon hung behind a thick curtain of waiting hours. Half of it was invisible against the brilliant blue of day, the other half slunking, slouching, behind the wispy clouds overhead and a humidity that soaked the skin.
Sonic’s tapping rhythm faltered.
He swallowed against the sharp shapes of swaying palms just on the periphery of his vision.
Not fair. Not fair. One problem at a time. He didn’t want to be thinking of Amy while also-
Sonic took a deep breath, rolling his gaze as he shook his head. His lower lip curled in to hide behind his teeth. Shutting his eyes didn’t do any good. The eyes in his brain just looked back at him.
Sonic huffed, slapping the ground as he thrust himself into a sitting position. His legs folded under him as he gripped the sand tight in his palms. That didn’t stop it from continuing to seep through his fingers.
The sea was too loud, and as it rushed in, its breath caused his quills to stand on end. The moon stared down from overhead while the pointed shadows grew closer.
Were he in a better mood, maybe he’d laugh. The universe did love a good joke- hell, he was living proof of that.
He didn’t very much feel like laughing, though.
Instead, he took another breath as he grit his teeth.
Where was that fake hedgehog when you needed them? He could use a distraction right about now. A race. A fight. A task.
Something.
Anything.
And that was part of the problem, wasn’t it?
Sonic narrowed his eyes at the moon.
There were no lace-trimmed hearts, no sweet nothings, not with Shadow. There never would be. There was, however, a thrum under the skin as the wind whipped between them when they raced, a tugging at the muscle of his throat when Shadow met his gaze and sneered.
Damn that fake hedgehog. Even when he wasn’t around, Sonic could swear he dogged his heels.
No.
That wasn’t right.
If he was gonna be honest with himself, Shadow wasn’t chasing him. Not really. Somewhere in the mix of everything, Sonic had gotten turned around.
His hands moved from the sand to his knees as he pulled them to his chest and stared out to where the horizon and the sky got lost in one another.
Give him a second to stretch and knock the dirt from his shoes, and Shadow always took the bait. And there was the crux of it. It was Sonic that always set the bait.
Why did he do that?
It was the same thing Amy did to him. Not the same-same, but the same. That’s almost funny, but wow, he’s getting nauseous.
He hated it.
Sonic’s heart thudded dully, pounding in his head. It was only then he realized he had been holding his breath. With a sigh, he pressed his forehead to his knees. His brow twitched, mouth twisting into a tight smile.
All the fighting, all the back and forth, all the shoving to get in Shadow’s line of sight just for the excuse to light a fire beneath his heels. How long had he been chasing? Had to be as long as he had been chased.
But Shadow was following after something else, trailing it for years at a distant pace like a hunter- no- like a hunger- no- like a thirst. And Sonic knew Shadow didn’t even realize it. But how sad was that? They were never gonna stop for anything short of what they wanted and it wasn’t even as if they knew what they wanted. They just knew they wanted to stop and felt like they’d never be able to.
But Amy knew. That’s why Amy kept on chasing too. And she could have had it, if Sonic had just slowed down, but he couldn’t.
And if Shadow ever slowed for Sonic, then there would have been no point in all the running, and Sonic needed to run.
That wasn’t being dramatic either. The very idea of a life spent in syrupy slow, sweet and lazing days set him tripping into panic. The adrenaline would kick in. His skin would itch and then the next thing he knew, he was off. It was as though if he ever stopped running, he’d die.
That’s how Sonic knew he and Amy would never work. Hell, that’s how he knew he and Shadow would never work.
Because in all the chasing and being chased, in all the going around and around in circles, even if Shadow didn’t know what it was they were after, Sonic did. Hell, he had watched it happen.
Shadow had caught butterflies for one Amy Rose.
Because of course they did.
Because who wouldn’t?
She’s just awesome. She’s funny and smart and pretty, and she’s quick with a joke when she feels like a laugh, and Amy loves to laugh. She loves laughter and living and life, and that’s what makes her a good friend.
Yeah, no, of course Shadow would love her. Everyone at some point fell in love with Amy Rose.
Everyone except for Sonic.
Now that he could laugh at. A quiet chuckle shook his shoulders as he rolled his eyes at the universe at large.
And when Sonic had the chance to detangle himself and watch at a distance, it did something to him. Amy with her thoughtful gestures and her booming joy, her attention to detail and her need to love- all the things Sonic wished he could love her for in the way she wanted to be loved- well, it just lit Shadow up from the inside. That guy was so full of butterflies for her, you could see them beating their wings against the insides of their eyes, and Sonic was half convinced that if Shadow ever got the courage to actually open their mouth and say anything, they’d all come pouring right out.
But Amy never seemed to notice. She was never looking their way when the flutter went up inside Shadow. She was too busy watching Sonic while he was trying to run away, and-
Shadow would never look at Sonic that way, and Sonic didn’t want them to, but on the other hand-
And Amy deserved someone who saw the world in her, and yeah, Sonic did, but not like that, but she looked at him like-
Sonic stood abruptly, swaying in the breeze like a reed before turning on his heel and walking back into the tall grasses. Where were his socks? His shoes? He needed to move. He needed to leave these thoughts behind him.
Sonic shuffled through the tall grass, as he tried to breathe. Everything took too long. Everything went too slow. Fast. Faster. He needed to move, now. Everything was still damp. Didn’t matter. He put them on anyway, swallowing his discomfort at the squelch of his soles, sounding like worms.
He stopped.
Worms. Just worms. He’d never even have caterpillars. He’d never look at anyone the way Amy looked at him, or Shadow looked at her, no matter what he felt.
Sonic could feel them wriggling in him now as he placed a hand over the tightness in his chest. He tried to take a full breath, but stuttered. He had to wait as they chewed away at the pain, composting it, making it manageable as his brain churned it over and he drummed his fingers against his sternum.
Sonic swallowed the salt of the air, sighing as a thought sprouted in his mind.
Just a little one. Kinda dumb. Definitely needed some adjustments, but if Sonic took the time to think too deeply, he’d just kill it, he knew it, and he couldn’t kill it.
Not this time.
Faster than he had time to process, he dug his phone out from his quills, fat-fingered the keys until he found what he wanted, and hit dial.
His hand was shaking. The feeling was exacerbated by the slow ringing of the dial tone, the way the sweat of his face shifted against the screen on his cheek.
Too slow. Too slow. Brain catching up. Too slow. This feels like dying. So stupid. He’s so stupid. What was he thinking? Oh no. Oh Gaia alive, pick up the phone you stupid-
There was a click as the call was picked up on the other end. Sonic took a sharp breath. Though nobody was around, his face automatically fit the form of a smile. “Hey Shadow! Hey! Uh, you got a minute?”
A noncommittal answer was mumbled down the line. Good enough.
“Oh okay, cool. Hey, can I ask you a favor-”
The voice snapped in his ear. Sonic winced.
“Nonono don’t hang up! Don’t hang up! It’s about Amy!”
There was a deep pause. Sonic held his breath.
Take the bait. Take the bait.
Another snap, but quieter, softer.
Sonic grinned. “Yeah no she’s fine, I think. Anyway. Uh, I was supposed to meet her in Station Square for a thing? But I can’t make it-”
The voice ground down. Sonic could practically hear lips pull back from teeth as the words sharpened out.
He shook his head, raising his volume. “I’ve got to take care of something, alright? Not like I planned this! Listen, point is- will you go instead?”
Silence. Sonic stifled a chuckle. He could practically hear those butterflies of Shadow’s, beating their frantic little wings on the other side of the phone. But then, the silence stretched for too long.
“It’s just some thing- I don’t know. It’s nothing important, but she asked, and I feel kinda bad for leaving her hanging, so will you go?”
Questioning, edged in incredulity.
“It’s a yes or no question, Shadow, come on!
Feint. Parry. Oh, so they were gonna fight this? Why was he not surprised.
“Why are you arguing with me?”
Jab. Jab. Parry.
“Yeah, I know, I know, I’m a screwup. Yes or no?”
Parry. Kick. Feint. There. Right there. The hint of a stumble. Sonic took the advantage.
“Shadow, Amy’s literally there right now waiting! Are you gonna go, or-”
There was a curse- a slew of curses- before cutting out with the distinct and staticky pop of Chaos Control.
Sonic hung up.
He stood there, phone dangling at his side as the sea breeze rolled over him. The waves hissed as they receded.
Sonic turned his back to the ocean. He squinted against the setting sun and took in the the rolling plains, which lead to rambling foothills, which lead to the mountains with their rocky cliff faces scraping against the sky. The emerald green life on that rich, solid ground almost seemed to have a golden gleam in the light.
Run. He could run. He could keep running, forever.
The worms inside him seemed to wriggle at the idea, and the smile finally reached his eyes as he breathed in.