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To say that Gus was worried was an understatement. He always tried his best to not worry unnecessarily about things out of his control, saying it wasn’t good for his blood pressure and stuff. But that never stopped him from worrying about things that he, in theory, should have a minimum of control over. The thing currently was Shawn’s behavior. Sure, it was a challenge and a futile one most of the time, but he liked to think that he had a bridle, maybe a very loose one, but still a bridle nonetheless. At the very least to stop his best friend from running into danger and getting killed during one of the stupid stunts he pulled on a daily basis.
When Gus opened his eyes this morning, he felt a little weird. He usually prided himself for how attune he was with his body, whether it was hunger or thirst or the need for a nap. So he immediately noticed how his head seemed full of cotton. A brief thought of Shawn pulling a prank on him overnight crossed his mind, before he shook himself for how crazy that sounded, even for him. Then the dizziness came next, blurry spots dancing in his vision. As he got up, he also realized how heavy his body had suddenly become. It took him more time and effort than usual to go to his closet and to the bathroom.
The shower relieved his sore body, so Gus just thought that it was just the sleep lingering at first. But then, as he got out and dressed himself, the heavy feeling and the cotton came back at full force. He wasn’t even closing the door of his condo that he already felt tired. Gus figured he had a long day ahead of him.
“No, Shawn. Don’t do it, please.” Gus pleaded for what seemed like the hundredth time, to no avail.
“Don’t worry, Gus. I totally got it under control.” Shawn boasted, with this everlasting confidence of his.
“No, no, no. You never even–” Gus was growing increasingly tired and this new idea of Shawn, brillant according to him, wasn’t really helping right now. A pounding headache also nestled nicely in his head since the start of the argument, which hindered his thinking and retort capacities. Things that were very much needed when he argued with Shawn.
See, being hyper-observant as he was, Shawn noticed as soon as his best friend crossed the threshold that something was wrong. He sometimes thought he really was a psychic. Well, when it came to Gus, that was a no-brainer. But nothing actually supernatural here, only more than twenty years of an incredible friendship. Anyway, Shawn immediately saw that Gus wasn’t his usual self when he came to the Psych office at 10 a.m this morning. His movements were slower, his look wasn’t exactly sharp, his tone lacked any spark, and he even ate only four muffins instead of his usual six. All signs of foul play… Well no, not really, at least Shawn hoped so, but something was really wrong with his friend.
So, after some solid thirty minutes where Gus kept adamantly denying what Shawn claimed about his health, he may have relented and admitted that he was a bit overworked lately and that he wasn’t feeling his best since he woke up. It also might have slipped him that all he wanted to do was lie on the couch and just sleep, because being unconscious sounded really good right now.
Thus resulting in Shawn getting one of his worst ideas ever, according to Gus, this time. Shawn would cover for him at his other job and do the route as he planned it. It wasn’t as much as the selling part that Gus was worried about. Shawn loved to gab, at any given occasion, as he could even talk criminals down from hurting them; without forgetting all the times he let himself talk around various stupid adventures since almost forever. No, that was more the visual aspect? The general presentation, Gus ultimately determined. Not that he ever was ashamed of Shawn, far from it, but he could be a bit exuberant at times with strangers.
Unfortunately nobody knew as much as Gus that Shawn could never be deterred once he put his mind to something. Just as he regrettably had no better idea to present right now, with his brain running at snail’s pace. Gus supposed he could only hope his best friend didn’t decide on some stupid name, or god, even worse, use an accent. He still needed this job, at least to pay their taxes and the numerous daily expenses after all.
“Listen, do you trust me or not?” Shawn finally asked with his best puppy dog eyes, arms open and vulnerable.
“Nuh-uh,” came Gus’ unintelligent answer. He could never outright say no to that question, no matter how pissed he was at Shawn. And Shawn knew it too that that was his number one weakness; not his both left knees like he declared.
“Well, doesn’t matter. I take the Blueberry, you just rest and I’ll come back in a few hours. Love you, buddy.” And with that, Shawn left without waiting for Gus’ indignant sputtering, claiming that he still wasn’t insured for when someone else drove his company car as Shawn shut the front door of the office close.
But despite the worry settling in his stomach, Gus found himself succumbing to the blessed and almighty nap, not even two minutes after Shawn’s departure.
Hours went by and Gus still had no news from Shawn. He managed to sleep for a good couple of hours, before thirst overwhelmed him and he slowly made his way to the sink. After that, sleep eluded him. He couldn’t stop himself from tossing and turning on the couch. He knew it aggravated his fatigue, without even mentioning the now throbbing headache at the right side of his head.
Gus didn’t notice the moment he fell back asleep, but when he next opened his eyes, he immediately felt overwhelmed.
A sea of people surrounded him. Some familiar faces and others unfamiliar. The noise was overpowering. The sun blazed high in the sky and the air was suffocating. He instantly recognized what day it was nonetheless and briefly thought how things weren't exactly the same as it had been. He wore his graduation gown, but didn’t have his brush cut. Small beads of sweat littered his forehead and the back of his neck. His high school diploma felt heavy in his hands as he stood in the schoolyard. He didn’t feel any joy or excitement, only hollowness. He barely noticed his family by his side. No, his eyes looked for something else. For someone else.
Then everyone suddenly disappeared. The silence was deafening and his ears rang. Except he wasn’t totally alone. Another figure stood a few feet away from him, their back turned to him. But Gus knew that he didn’t need to see the person full-face to recognize them. His gut screamed ‘Shawn’. His partner in idiocy, his boy, his best friend in the universe.
But Shawn was heading to his new second-hand bike. He barely looked back and met his gaze for a moment. It was fleeting but felt like it lasted for an eternity. Gus opened his mouth but before he could even utter a word, Shawn was already gone.
Shawn wasn’t here anymore. And somehow Gus knew he wasn’t coming back. Ever. That knowledge sent shivers down his spine. Everything blurred around him and turned into an incomprehensible mess. His memories, his doubts, his hopes, his fears, it all blended together.
His throat clogged up and his stomach fell to the abyss. Losing Shawn was like losing one of his limbs. Worse than that, even. He supposed he could live without an arm or a leg, but living without Shawn… Gus could barely fathom it. And he didn’t want to, more than it was necessary. It already happened once, in college, and it had been horrible. Sure, he made friends, even got married, and had a ton of activities in many various clubs. But that was all to try to fill the gigantic hole Shawn left behind him.
Gus suffered through a fitful slumber. He twisted the blanket until his legs got stuck and gripped it so hard to the point he almost hurt himself. His breathing was shallow and his head turned left to right several times, as if to escape the mental space he was trapped in. A faint voice began to echo in his head. Someone was saying his name over and over, a bit more desperate each time.
Finally, Gus woke up with a gasp. Cold sweat trickled down his brow to pool at his collarbone. Tears or sweat clung to his eyelashes, maybe a mix of both. His heartbeat was erratic, like the muscle tried to leap out from his ribcage. A blurry figure stood over him, but he wasn’t really acknowledging it. Flashbacks of his dream darted at the front of his mind, a remnant of anxiety lingering behind.
After the initial panic, his sluggish brain caught up with the reality around him, the haze retreating to the edges of his vision. He blinked several times and he finally made out the figure looming over him. A grunt escaped his mouth as he tried to sit and only managed to slump further on the couch.
“Hey, buddy, easy, easy. How you’re doing?” Shawn’s voice softly resonated, his brow knitted in worry, as he sat back in his chair and nervously played with one of his squishy toys for his ADD.
Just as Gus wanted to ask some questions in turn, a strong and greasy smell reached his nose. It was familiar and it felt very comforting right now, almost as much as the presence next to him. He instantly recognized it and it made him wonder how he could even have missed it, with his super sniffer. His brain was definitely slower than he thought and although he still felt a bit rattled by his nightmare, he chose to pretend like nothing happened. It was easier right now.
“You brought quatro quesos dos fritos?” He asked, a sleep-induced croak in his voice.
“Yes! I thought you’d like it. I just bought them and got the perfect afternoon planned for you! It’s simple–” Shawn enthusiastically began, jumping on the distraction to put behind what just happened as he bounced off his chair.
“Wait, wait, wait.” Gus interrupted before Shawn would get too excited to listen to him, he still had something to ask him. “Before that, tell me how it went. And don’t spare me, Shawn, you know I can handle it.” He said as he braced himself for whatever stupid stunt Shawn could have done.
“First, I beg to differ, Gus. I know you got a soft little heart beating in here, such a soft, sensitive heart.” Shawn said while pointing to Gus’ chest. “Then, why would you straightaway assume the worst? I was good! Great, even. Everything went so smoothly, it was like I shrunk and got transported on your sweet, sweet head. I swear, I sold so many drugs, I felt like a legal drug lord! Your paycheck this month will be significant, thanks to me!” Shawn exclaimed, evidently very proud of himself. If he could lift off some of the load Gus constantly carried on his shoulders, he was more than happy. Maybe they could do it more often. He was ready to do it again, for sure.
“Really?” Gus asked incredulously, with his high-pitched tone.
“Yeah, dude! Really! Trust me, I wouldn’t lie to you. Now, can we relax and enjoy the rest of the afternoon? I got quatro quesos dos fritos, which are beginning to get cold by the way, ice cream in the freezer and I even TiVo’d your favorite reality TV show! I cleared everything so you just keep resting and the two of us can chill. So what you say, doesn’t that sound splendid?” Shawn ended as he moved one of their chairs next to the couch so Gus wouldn’t have to move.
Gus knew he would be lying if all of what Shawn had planned didn’t sound tempting. It felt kind of weird to hear that Shawn perfectly took care of everything in such a short time, but very welcomed at the same time. It was also heart-warming to know that Shawn could assume some responsibilities when he felt off, as traces of his previous dream still lingered at the back of his mind. Not that he really doubted Shawn deep down, despite how rash and childish he acted most of the time, but it was nice to have a reminder from time to time. He still felt a bit tired and even a bit woozy, so he slouched his stance, loosen the reins and gladly accepted the proposal.
“Thank you, Shawn.” Gus sincerely said to his best friend, conveying all the gratitude and love he felt with his tone and his eyes.
“Don’t mention it, buddy. I'll always be here for you.” Shawn affirmed with an utmost certainty in his voice, a warm smile spreading on his face.
“Now, give me some food and that pineapple-mango smoothie you got over there. And not a word once Duos begins.”
“Dude–!” Shawn indignantly exclaimed.
“Shh, Shawn.” Gus sternly required, with a frown and a finger on his lips.
Shawn shook his head with a fond smile, more amused than annoyed at this moment at his friend’s antics. He was just glad to have him back, he thought as he got up to execute Gus’ orders.