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The last thing Janus expected to hear was a knock on his door. It was late, for one, and he along with most of the other sides are usually winding down for the night at this hour. Not to mention the fact that no one had ever bothered to knock on his door at all, or even stop by for any reason. Well, Remus would let himself in and he often stays up this late, but he never knocks first, always just kicking the door open and making himself at home whether Janus was there or not.
So it wasn’t him, but he couldn’t think of any reason anyone else would be here. Patton is never up this late, and Roman and Virgil would rather let the house burn down than talk to him voluntarily, so why on earth would someone be at his door right now?
The knocking resumed, a slow but heavy pounding at a wavering rhythm, and Janus decided he may as well answer it before whoever it was got bored and left. Sparing a moment to ensure he looked decent (he had been getting ready for bed after all), he opened the door with his best attempt at a neutral expression.
Logan stared back at him with the same look, leaning casually against the doorframe once the door was opened.
“I’m out of wine,” he mumbled, raising an almost empty bottle to emphasize his point.
Janus took a moment to respond, taking in the sight of Logan most certainly drunk at his door this late at night. His tie had been loosened and his shirt was uncharacteristically wrinkled, and every so often he should shuffle in place as if he were trying to keep his balance. He looked dead tired, and almost undone in a way Janus had never seen before.
“I can see that,” he finally said, still trying to make sense of the situation. “Although you technically still have a bit of wine left in that bottle. Why are you here, exactly?”
Logan looked back down at the bottle in his hand before bringing it to his lips and tilting his head back, easily downing the last of the wine without hesitation. Once the bottle was completely drained, he all but shoved it into Janus’ arms.
“Now I’m officially out of wine,” he corrected. “And to answer your question, I know you likely store some of your own in your room. I would like to have some if you don’t mind.”
“Don’t you think you’ve had enough?”
Logan’s eyes narrowed. “Not hardly.”
Well, if he was so set on getting blackout drunk, who would Janus be to deny him another glass or two?
This was going to be fun.
“Very well. By all means make yourself comfortable,” he said, moving aside and letting Logan stumble in to his room. Logan all but fell into the plush seat by Janus’ desk, running a hand over his face with a sigh.
Janus set down a fresh bottle of wine before moving to unlock one of the desk drawers for some glasses. He had to take such drastic measures after Remus stole all of his wine glasses some time ago. He grabbed what he needed only to see Logan already chugging straight from the bottle, nearly a quarter of it already having been drunk.
Janus quickly snatched the bottle out of his hands and placed it on the farthest end of the desk, ignoring Logan’s whine of protest.
“And here I thought I was the selfish one,” he chided. “It would only have taken me a moment to get a glass, you know.”
“But I don’t just want to have just a glass of wine,” Logan replied, his words now slightly slurred. “You’re allowed to drink until you’re totally inebriated, why can’t I?”
“Because you’re the responsible one.”
“What if I don’t want to be?”
That brought an uncomfortable weight sinking to Janus’ stomach.
“What are you saying, Logan?”
Logan sighed in frustration, as if the answer was obvious and Janus was an idiot for needing to ask. “I’m saying I don’t see the point in doing all the work around here when it doesn’t get me very far. Everyone else is allowed to be silly and stupid and selfish, and I always end up cleaning up after them. Don’t I deserve a break?”
“Of course you do, but I don’t think this counts.”
Logan shrugged, glancing wistfully at the bottle Janus kept out of his reach. “Maybe not, but it’s the closest thing I can get. I can drink until I stop thinking for the night and recover in the morning to get back to work, it works well enough.”
“You’ve done this before?” Janus asked, though they both knew it was more of an observation than a question.
“On occasion, when I don’t want to have to deal with everything. I just happened to run out of wine tonight, and I knew you’d have some.”
Well, this wasn’t nearly as much fun as Janus had hoped. He reached over and grabbed the wine, taking a rather large swill from it in the same manner that Logan had before passing it over to him. He did not want to be fully sober for this conversation.
“So how long have you been drinking your cares away, exactly?”
Another shrug. “I’d say roughly around the same time you started making appearances, if not a little bit before. It wasn’t necessarily because of you, though.”
Well that was a relief.
“Then what is it about?”
Logan took another long drink before passing the bottle back to him. “Something tells me you already know.”
Janus had an inkling or two. He took a drink as he tried to come up with a way to bring it up, passing the bottle back for Logan to quickly start chugging.
“At a guess, it’s probably about the others. Maybe even Roman specifically.” He suggested.
Logan set the bottle down with a sigh, not looking up at Janus. “It’s not just Roman, or even about the others really.”
“Then what it is about?”
Logan shot a jaded glare at Janus. “Why should I tell you, exactly? You don’t even know what it is yourself, not to mention I know how much you love gossip. Frankly, me coming to you at all was a mistake.”
At that, Logan got up from his seat and made his way to the door. Or at least, attempted to, as he staggered unsteadily and ultimately fell to the floor with a painful grunt.
Janus fought back a grin as he helped Logan back up, placing him back in the chair.
“Something tells me storming off won’t get you very far,” he teased.
“I shouldn’t have come here,” he slurred, head drooping heavily. “Now you’ll go telling everyone about how foolish I look, and then I’ll never hear the end of it.”
Janus almost felt sympathy for Logan. Or maybe it was pity. Or the wine. Either way, seeing him so dejected and defeated by something he wouldn’t share tugged at something in his chest, and he found he couldn’t stand Logan being like this.
“I admit I love to spread rumors and drama, but I promise I won’t talk about this to anyone. This isn’t just some petty squabble to laugh at over dinner; whatever is going on with you isn’t something I’d joke about with anyone.”
Logan scoffed in response before taking another drink.
“I’d still like to know whatever or whoever it is that’s driving you to this. I could help make sure it doesn’t get this bad again or find a means of getting you a proper break.”
“You won’t like the answer.”
“I still want to hear it.”
Logan took a particularly long swig from the bottle before passing what was left over to Janus, sighing to himself as he did so.
“It’s Thomas.”
Janus was glad he hadn’t taken a drink yet or he would have done a spit take right then and there. Of all the things Logan could have said, Janus never thought it’d be that.
“Thomas is the problem?”
“More accurately, I am.” Logan replied. “No matter what I do or how I try, nothing ever works. He won’t listen to me; he won’t even interact with me at all unless there’s another problem the others are too dramatic to fix. I’m just a tool to him, something to be used when needed and left to collect dust otherwise. I don’t know what it is I’m doing wrong or why I can’t get through to him, but it always ends the same. I beg for him to see me, and he looks straight through me. It’s like I don’t exist to him anymore.”
Logan was right, Janus hated this answer. Knowing that it had gotten this bad and that he was this neglected by not just the other sides but by Thomas himself made his stomach turn. He took another sip of wine, hoping that it would somehow make this easier.
Maybe that’s what Logan hopes for when he drinks.
Janus thought back to the few times he and Logan had interacted, how stressed he seemed and how much the others ignored him. He remembered how often he would shut Logan up or even remove him from the discussion entirely. He really was a part of the problem, wasn’t he? If he hadn’t taken such efforts to hog the spotlight for himself, maybe Logan would have been heard more clearly.
“I’m sorry, Logan. Truly.”
“It’s not your fault.”
“Maybe not fully, but I had a hand in this all the same. I pushed you off to the side and let the others overlook you when you actually were the most helpful one there. I should have made the others, made Thomas, pay more attention to you. You don’t deserve this.”
“Maybe I do. Maybe it’s something I’m doing wrong. I know everyone else can get his attention easily, so it has to be a failure on my part.”
“Now that’s just not true,” Janus added, passing the bottle back to him. “The others get his attention because they’re loud and dramatic. It’s hard to hear the weather alert on the news when there’s a storm howling outside. Just because you aren’t as obnoxious and over the top as they are doesn’t mean you’re less than them. If anything, I’d say it makes you better than them. You don’t resort to something so childish to be listened to.”
“Perhaps I should. It works for them, after all.” Logan mumbled, his thumb idly tracing a pattern on the bottle as he spoke.
“But is that how you want to be seen? Throwing a temper tantrum until all they hear is you screaming at them?”
“What other option do I have at this point? Everything else has failed.”
“Well, we can figure something out here. I can help to make him listen to you.”
Logan looked back up at him, skepticism shining in his hazy eyes. “And why would you offer to do that for me?”
“Because you’re an essential part of Thomas, and I admit I respect you a great deal.”
“Really? Even now, after you’ve seen me like this?”
Janus nodded, not trusting himself to not say anything too sentimental. Logan seemed to accept it as a viable response though, offering him a small smile before taking the bottle and finishing off the last of the wine in one final gulp.
“I should go to bed,” he mumbled, words slurring over again. “So should you.”
“You’re the one who knocked on my door this late at night,” Janus joked.
“Right, sorry about that.”
“Never apologize for coming to me, especially for something like this.”
Logan looked confused. “Requesting alcohol?”
“Needing someone to talk to.”
“… oh.”
The two sat together in silence for a moment, neither of them capable of finding something to say. Eventually Logan stood up from his chair again, albeit shakily, as he prepared to return to his room for the night. Janus watched as he tried and failed to walk on his own, before making up his mind with a sigh and gently grabbing hold of his arm.
“What are you- “
“You’re not making it to your room like this, not on your own anyway. I could walk you back if you want, but that’ll run the risk of someone seeing me escorting you out of my room in the middle of the night while you can barely stand. I think even in this state you can imagine how that would look to anyone.” He explained.
Logan nodded in agreement, head lolling about on his shoulders. “What do you suggest I do, then?”
“Well, I’m not exactly against the idea of you staying the night.” Janus felt himself blush as the implications of his suggestion came to mind. “I mean, only if you want to. Nothing is going to come of this and it doesn’t have to mean anything, it would just make sense for you to have somewhere to rest for the night without anything happening.”
Logan stared back at him, swaying lightly in his hold, before sighing. “I suppose so. If anything, the company might be nice. As long as you promise nothing will come of this. I doubt I’m in any state to start something like that right now.”
“Something like what?”
Logan didn’t respond, only flushing a beet red that definitely wasn’t from the wine.
Janus chuckled softly, greatly enjoying seeing Logan so open and emotional. He’d never had the chance to see him like this, and it was quite a sight.
He gently guided him back to the bed, changing them both into pajamas with a snap of his fingers. Logan sat down with a huff, leaning back towards the headrest as Janus crawled into the bed beside him. It took a few minutes of awkward maneuvering, but Logan eventually managed to slip beneath the covers, wasting no time in cozying up to Janus.
Janus froze, not quite sure what to do or how to react, but as he felt Logan’s body heat washing over him and his arms wrapping tightly around him he found he didn’t quite care. If Logan needed this from him, who would he be to deny it?
“Pretty.”
“What was that?”
“Your scales,” Logan explained, looking up at him. “They’re pretty.”
As if to further prove his point, he reached up and let his hand drift slowly across the left side of his face, gently caressing the scales there.
“They’re smooth too. I like them.”
Now it was Janus’ turn to blush, sputtering out some vague semblance of a thank you before turning on his side, ensuring Logan couldn’t see his rapidly reddening face. The change in position also prevented Logan from further touching his scales, and Janus tried to pretend he wasn’t bereft of the experience. Not many people complimented him on his scales, and he had never let anyone go so far as to touch them before, but feeling Logan’s skin softly against them felt pleasant in a way he couldn’t describe, much less address.
“I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable,” Logan said from somewhere behind him, voice tinged with regret.
“You didn’t, it’s just… sensitive, is all,” he lied. Mostly.
“Ah. Apologies.”
“It’s no problem. Goodnight.”
“… goodnight.”
Logan didn’t try to hold him again for the rest of the night, and Janus tried not to think about how much he wanted him to.
“… Janus?”
Logan’s voice echoed in Janus’ ear, pulling him out from the depths of sleep. He groggily blinked his sleep-crusted eyes open, groaning at the brightness of the light seeping in through the curtains.
Turning his head with an aching stiffness in his neck, he found himself face to face with a very flustered Logan. A Logan that was currently wrapped tightly in his arms.
“What happened last night?” he asked him, eyes wide.
Shit. What did happen last night? He was getting ready for bed, then Logan showed up asking for a drink, then…
Ah. Right. That.
“Don’t you remember?” Janus asked, letting a playful smirk make its way across his face. He may as well have some fun with this for a moment, after all. “It was definitely an eventful night we had, I’m sure at least some part of it is still fresh in your mind.”
Logan opened his mouth like he was about to say something only to close it again as he wriggled free from where he and Janus had evidently tangled together in the night. He sat up in bed, pulling the blankets up to his chest even though he was wearing a shirt and Janus fought back the urge to laugh. He was surprisingly cute all flustered like this.
“Look, whatever happened between us last night, it didn’t, alright? It didn’t mean anything, and it won’t happen again, so just please leave it alone.”
“Leave which part of it alone? The part where you all but fell into my arms in a drunken stupor, or the part where you let yourself be even more open and emotionally vulnerable around me than you might even be with yourself?”
“All of it, ideally. Especially the part where we woke up like… this.”
Janus arched an eyebrow. “Is that what you think happened? Some drunken one-night stand fueled by alcohol and repressed feelings?”
Logan squirmed under the teasing scrutiny. “… is that not what happened?”
Janus couldn’t stop himself from smiling. “Not at all. We drank, we talked, and when you could hardly stand let alone walk to your room, I offered you my bed. Nothing else happened between us last night, at least, not like that.”
Some of the tension left Logan at that. “So you’re saying we didn’t… “
“Nope. I may be a horrible person, but I would never take advantage of you like that.”
“… oh. Well, that’s good to hear, I suppose. What did we talk about, exactly?”
Janus felt his smile slip, quickly replaced with a sympathetic look. “We talked about why you were drunk, and why you drink like this so much.”
Logan looked away, the tension from before returning. “I talked about that?”
“Seems like you needed to talk about it. You’ve been dealing with this problem for a while now by the looks of things.”
Logan cringed to himself, still not looking at Janus. “Right. I didn’t mean to bring that up with you. Whatever it is we discussed, I’d appreciate it if you didn’t tell anyone else.”
“I don’t plan on anyone else knowing, as long as you’ll do something for me.” he said, letting a trace of mischief slip through his voice.
“What is it you want from me now?” Logan asked, tone thick with distrust.
Janus sat up in his bed, ensuring he was looking Logan head on and that he was looking back at him. He held his gaze, face slack but somber.
“Next time you want to drink, come to me. I’d rather you talk to me about whatever’s bothering you than have you drown yourself in wine again. I swear nothing you say will go beyond this room, but please just go to me instead of the wine.”
Logan fixed him with a deadpan stare. “That’s a bit hypocritical of you, isn’t it? Last I checked, you’re just as inclined to get inebriated if not more so.”
“That’s fair,” he chuckled. “But I drink for fun, not to forget about my problems.”
“… touché.”
Logan gave him a small smile, one that Janus returned.
“I didn’t make a fool of myself, did I?” he eventually asked.
“Not too much, though you were awfully affectionate near the end.”
Logan flushed. “Affectionate?”
“Just a little. You… may have complimented me. You said you liked my scales.”
“Oh. I didn’t mean to- “
“Make me uncomfortable?” Janus teased. “You said the same thing last night. Don’t worry, I don’t mind. It was honestly rather sweet of you to say.”
Logan blushed and looked away again, and Janus let him. It meant he wouldn’t see the blush steadily creeping on his own face.
“I should get dressed, I have work to do.”
“Yes, I should get started on a few things myself.”
Logan quickly shuffled out of bed, Janus doing the same. With a wave of the hand, they were both changed back to their usual garb, and remaining equally flustered.
“I’m going to my room now,” Logan mumbled, still avoiding Janus’ gaze.
“Right, you do that. I’ll talk to you later then.”
Logan gave him a curt nod before walking out the door, closing it softly behind himself. Janus let out a breath, running a hand over his face.
Wow, that was awkward.
At least he managed to get a little closer to Logan, right?
If only he knew how to proceed after this.