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"Luke you've got to hold still or it's going to smudge," Leia whined as Luke tried to keep his eyes from watering.
"Do you think they're going to like us? What if I mess up?"
"With my killer eyes and your killer voice? No contest."
"Your eyes? I thought this was about my eyes?" He blinked as she finished his eyeliner and pulled out the mascara.
"This is all for Han and you know it," she grinned at him, halo of hair teased up, eyeshadow blue and bright, lashes long and thick from the mascara, v-neck cutting teasingly low on her chest. "Where is he by the way?"
"Grabbing snacks before sound check."
"Good, I'm starving. There, you're all done bro," she pulled out her hand mirror and gave it to him. "And damn hot if I say so myself. You really are my twin."
He looked at himself in the mirror, blue eyes deeper now that they were ringed in black. His blonde hair stood out against the cutting darkness of his eyes. Leia was right, for once Luke Skywalker was more than cute or precious in a little brother kind of way, he was hot.
Okay, so maybe it wasn't entirely safe to have a giant crush on your band mate. But if you didn't have a crush on the guy you practiced for endless hours with, drove miles and miles day in and day out to get to different gigs, and who looked at you, sometimes, after long sets where your voice was nearly gone and you were running on pure passion, like you were the goddamn sun who were you to have a crush on anyway?
Because Luke had a massive crush on Han, that much was undeniable. And life on the road didn't make that any easier: cramped hotel rooms where Han walked around with a towel hanging from his hips, the way the light from midnight stop lights hit his jaw and danced in his eyes, and the sweat that made his tank tops cling to his chest during shows.
"Hey, we've got to get going or were going to miss sound check. I got burgers and fries and a salad for Mr. We Eat too Much Shit," Han didn't look up from his set list. "Luke are you sure we should open with this one because..."
"Hey blockhead, look up," Leia groaned.
Han did, and promptly did a double take. "Did Leia do your...?"
"Makeup, yeah, do you like it?"
"Yeah," he laughed. "Wow Leia he looks hot."
Luke promptly flushed beet red and stuttered for something else to say. "A-about the uh s-set list."
"It's fine Han relax," Leia stood and grabbed the greasy bag he was holding. "This better have cheese."
The sound check went smoothly. Luke was happy to be back at the keyboard. Han's cheap amp (Luke was saving to buy him a new one for his birthday,) was working better than usual, and Leia was effortlessly in time on the drums.
"Hello we are Millennium Falcon," Luke called. The audience was big, and as usual on stage his nervousness started to melt. "This is Han, that's Leia, and I'm Luke."
Han came in with the guitar, powerful and confident against Luke's slight keyboarding. Leia underscored everything with the pounding of her drums. Luke wrote most of their stuff, tucked away in his journal, scratched out in blue pen in the dark. He didn't show anyone his love songs, mostly because they were pretty obviously about Han. Alas the pains of falling in love with his best friend.
He'd show someone, someday, but today wasn't that day.
"Thank you and goodnight!" Before he knew it their set was over and they were heading out into the cold, out to the Falcon and on the road again. They stopped at a drive through for ice cream and Han shared his because Luke was still trying not to eat like shit.
"You were right about the set. You sounded perfect," he said. Leia was asleep in the backseat. "I've always loved that song, the one we always end with."
"Thanks," he replied. That's the one song about Han he let slide. He wrote about the thrill of new friendship, the cool grass on the side of the highway, the taste of bubble gum from gas station vending machines, and the nearly high feeling of being loved.
"Do you ever write about Leia?"
"Yeah, I mean 'The Power of Two' is about us in middle school, and 'Braids' is obviously an ode to her."
"Do you ever write about me?"
All the time. "I write about the three of us, about our friendship."
He nodded, looking slightly dissatisfied if Luke could read him correctly.
I write you love songs.
"Hey, maybe I'll write you something?" Han grinned. "Would you help me if I write some lyrics?"
"Of course."
"And you looked perfect too," he muttered.
"Speaking of which," Leia poked her head up from the back. "These are for you," she handed Luke some scraps of paper. "And these are for you," she handed Han a larger stack of paper scraps, keeping a few for herself. "So that's up to...she took out a notebook. 37 for Han, 13 for Luke and 40 for me," she said smugly. They had a running tally of phone numbers handed to them after shows. Everyone wanted their shot with a no name rock musician, so they'd gotten quite a few. Luke flipped through his; it was almost a test of how gay he appeared to the casual observer, looking at the names. Apparently the makeup had done its job. Four guy names, one that could go either way, and two girls. Han usually got an even mix, as did Leia. Apparently Luke was more obviously queer.
"Anyone you're going to try?" Han asked. They didn't usually call anyone, though Han kept all the numbers in the glove compartment. Han called a girl once, one who'd come up and talked to him, but it was only a weekend long affair.
"No," Luke muttered. Han knew he was into guys, mostly from Leia's stories about high school that usually began with: "So Luke's dumbass boyfriend..." He'd had several dumbass boyfriends in school. "Are you?"
He shrugged. "If we have the time." Behind them, Leia put her hand on Luke's shoulder, a comforting gesture.
We'd have all the time in the world if you picked me. Wow that sounded dangerously close to a song lyric.
Later that night, when he'd wiped off the makeup and traded his contacts for glasses and was watching Jeopardy on the motel TV, Han came and laid down beside him.
"Hey do you think I was too loud tonight? It sounded good from my end but I can't hear what you hear," he looked up at him, face slightly sunburnt from the persistent glare off the windshield.
"It sounded good to me," he replied.
"What is Nirvana," Han muttered at the screen. "I can only get the music ones."
Han wasn't a relationship person. He was a sex person but not a relationship person. But if he could love someone like he loved music...if he could do that he could do the relationship thing. Han put everything out on the stage each night. Luke didn't understand how he could do it time and time again.
Beside him, Han was nodding off. His breath was soft on his neck, overgrown hair wet from the shower.
"Looks like I get the bed to myself," Leia grinned, though Luke could hardly hear her over the pounding of his heart. Han rolled in to him, slinging an arm over his chest.
"He works too hard. We shouldn't move him."
"Sure Luke, that's why we shouldn't move him," she teased.
When he woke Han's arms were still around him, their limbs tangled together in a sleepy haze. Han woke soon after, eyes finding Luke's in vague confusion.
"Did I fall asleep here?"
"Yeah?" Luke replied, moving away to give Han some space.
"You're really warm, like a built in heater kid," he grinned lazily.
That day was a free day, an hour and a half drive a few towns over and then the rest of the day off. They were set to play at a small club the next day. On days like this they slept late, conversed with locals, found what they did for fun, and followed suit. In the evenings Han would drag them to dive bars and listen to music between scotches. Sometimes they'd busk if they needed the extra cash, Leia's drumsticks on the pavement, Han's guitar quiet on the lonely streets.
It seemed that the only place in this town was the bowling alley, so that's where they went.
"You're up Luke," Leia said, returning her bowling ball and sipping her soda. He was shit at bowling. He didn't have the coordination for it. The balls always went crooked down the lane, swerving pitifully into the gutter, or veering so far left he barely nicked one pin.
Han was better than both twins, his face scrunching with concentration as he made his shots.
"Here kid let me show you," Han came up behind him and put his hands over Luke's smaller ones.
"Han I don't need you to..."
"Shush let me help you," he shot back. "Now aim like this, literally Luke are you sure you're wearing your glasses?"
"Oh shut up."
"There you go kid, try that," Han released him and Luke was disappointed at the loss of contact. He threw the ball and managed to get a couple more pins.
"There you go!" The celebration was interrupted by the song on the radio.
"Is that...?" Leia jumped up and rushed to the counter to ask them to turn up the radio.
"That's our song! That's our fucking song! You're on the radio Luke!" Han nearly tackled him with a hug. They were soon joined by Leia, who, though she denied it later, was crying.
"We made it you guys," she said from her place smashed in the group hug.
"We're here."
"I'm so happy I could kiss you," Han grinned. Leia cackled and Luke was bright red.
"Why don't you?" She burst, and it was Han's turn to blush.
"I uh...didn't mean. Sorry Luke I..."
"It's okay. I'm happy too."
"I say nachos to celebrate," she announced. "Here come help Luke."
"Two orders of nachos with jalapeños and extra cheese," she said. "And Luke, you've gotta tell him."
"Tell him! Why would I tell him?" He crossed his arms self-consciously.
"Do you hear this? We're on the radio. People like us. Soon there are going to be more than a few phone numbers. If you don't tell him you're going to lose him."
"What if I tell him and I do lose him...and Millennium Falcon."
Leia frowned. "Not on my watch. And I think Han can handle a little awkwardness. And why are you so sure he couldn't be into you?"
"He's Han," Luke scoffed. "He could have anyone. And what if we broke up?"
"Ugh, why can't you see how freaking perfect you and Mr. Bigshot would be?"
Luke rolled his eyes and took the nachos. "One thing at a time sis."
"You know I never thought we'd make it this far," Han said. "You were always the idealist." They were laying in the grass outside the hotel, looking up at the stars. It was cold but Luke was too happy to care.
"And look who was right you cynic," he said.
"I'm glad you were."
It was like a weight lifted off of his shoulders. Someone believed in him. Someone was glad he was doing what he was doing.
"I'm glad you said that."
"Hey, you remember the day we met?"
Of course. Han was pulling some drunk guy off of him, cursing at him and helping Luke up. "Are you alright kid? Jesus, your eye looks like hell."
"Thanks," he had breathed, gasping for air.
"Hey are your hands okay? I heard you playing back there, tough crowd." Luke had sucked that night, a bundle of nerves with his pathetic half-baked songs.
"They're fine but I suck," Luke said dejectedly. He had started to think this run in with the violent drunkard was punishment for his terrible set.
"You ever think about starting a band? I play the guitar." Luke knew then how hot Han was. He knew it was probably a mistake, trusting a stranger when his brain was probably still scrambled from the blows. But it seemed right. It seemed like a chance.
"You're my best friend you know?" He said softly. "I don't usually like to get too attached. But with you..."
"I feel the same." I love you, his mind was screaming. I love you so much.
"Now let's go to bed," Han said. "It's a big day tomorrow."
And it was. The gig was electric with the radio boost. They sold out and they got invited to an after party.
"So how long have you been playing?" Some dude was flirting with Luke.
"Since high school. But we've only had the band for a year," he answered politely.
"Can I buy you another drink?" He wasn't bad looking. He was no Han but he wasn't bad looking.
"Sure," he said, because it has been a long day and he felt like getting drunk.
Three and a half drinks later "not bad looking" was starting to look pretty damn hot, and Han was flirting with someone else.
"You wanna dance Luke?"
He was just drunk enough to. There was grinding. There was a hand on his ass. And then there was a hand on his shoulder.
"Hey Luke are you alright?"
"'M fine," he slurred brightly. "I'm just here with uh..."
"Harry," "not bad looking" said.
"Luke you're drunk."
"What, are you jealous?" Maybe it was the liquor but he couldn't help it.
"Luke let's go home."
"Hey man we were in the middle of something."
"Leave him alone he's just a kid."
"Han I'm 21."
"You're a kid Luke." Han gripped his arm and started dragging away. When Luke struggled, pointlessly he knew, but he was angry, Han scooped him up bridal style.
"Quit it Han," he whined.
"Shut up Luke. You're going to be sick."
"Am not," he protested, but he already felt nauseous. "You were jealous weren't you Han."
"Luke..."
"You're hotter than him," he groaned "So much hotter."
"Don't say anything you're going to regret in the morning kid."
Oh god did he regret it. His mouth tasted like bile and his head felt like it was going to split open. He rolled over with a moan and found his sister staring at him.
"I said tell him not throw up on him."
"Oh god did I really?" He buried his face in his hands.
"Luke you know you can't hold your liquor."
"I know I know I was just feeling reckless and dumb. He was flirting with other people."
"So you followed suit! Luke you..."
"You're awake," Han came back into the room.
"I'll grab us some breakfast," Leia ruffled Luke's hair and headed out of the room.
"I'm sorry," Luke said, sitting up. He felt dizzy.
"Drink some water doofus," he said, grabbing him a glass and shoving it at him.
"I'm sorry Han."
"Yeah yeah I heard you the first time," he grinned. "You were really drunk kid."
"I know. I'm..."
"Sorry? Yeah I got it." He moved to sit on the bed. "It's alright kid, I've had plenty of rough nights."
The embarrassing pining was flooding back into him memory. Are you jealous? You're hotter than him? Hell, could he be more obvious?
"We've got 3 hours of driving today. Are you going to be too hung-over to play tonight?"
"I'll manage."
"You're okay though right?" He looked worried. "You're not like this Luke."
"I know. It won't happen again."
Han hugged him. That surprised him; he just wrapped his arms around his torso and pulled him into the biggest hug he'd ever gotten.
"Don't scare me like that okay kid? You've gotta be careful."
"I'm sorry," he muttered into Han's chest, his voice muffled by his shirt.
The gig was rough, but Luke got through it, and he volunteered to help the crew clean up. Han had fallen asleep on a couch backstage and after Luke was done he went back to wake him. Except he wasn't asleep. He was very much awake, and very much reading his lyric book.
"Han?" He dropped the book with a start.
"Luke, I didn't mean to...it was open and...I'm sorry I shouldn't have...are these about me?" He looked up at him, eyes full of something he couldn't name.
All of them. "All of them," he said. "Every single one." It was liberating to finally say it. It was crazy to finally say it.
"You...well you say it Luke. I can't believe it unless you say it kid."
"I love you. I love you so much Han Solo it's crazy."
His mouth was agape, face bright red. He stood, and in the longest two steps in the world he was in front of Luke and kissing him. He was kissing him on the lips and it wasn't a dream. Han Solo's tongue was in his mouth and he was awake.
"Han..."
"I love you too kid. And I was jealous."
The next night he couldn't keep the stupid smile off of his face. The set was electric again. "Thank you very much. You've been a great crowd," he said.
"And we've got one more, a cover actually," Leia said. Who gave her a mic?
"So kid," Han said, scanning his confused expression. "I can't write. Sorry man I'm shit at it. It's a shame, so many things rhyme with Luke. But Elton John on the other hand, he can write. So this one's for you.
It's a little bit funny
This feeling inside
I'm not one of those who can
Easily hide
Luke was grinning like an idiot and the audience was cheering. Han was moving closer, eyes focused on his.
I don't have much money (you know that kid)
But boy if I did
I'd buy a bug house where
We both could live
So excuse me forgetting
But these things I do
See I've forgotten if
They're green or they're blue
Anyway the thing is,
What I really mean,
Yours are the sweetest eyes
I've ever seen
His hand was on his waist. Leia was whistling, and she joined in on the chorus because Han was too busy kissing him to sing.
And you can tell everybody
This is your song
It may be quite simple but
Now that it's done
I hope you don't mind
I hope you don't mind
That I put down in words
How wonderful life is
Now you're in the world
They were going to make it. Whatever was next they were going to make it.