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How would Cyno begin to describe his feelings for Tighnari?
The past few years or so had been a blur with Cyno. He was always busy with his duties as the General Mahamatra—though that aspect of his life was already a routine even before he had met Tighnari. The real reason that time seemed to pass easier was simply tied to the fox in question.
After meeting Tighnari and mutually gaining each other's trust, Cyno found that he undoubtedly enjoyed the act of basking in Tighnari’s presence. The other man was always a vision—something akin to sunshine. Tighnari always called out to him first, Cyno’s name being gently shaped by Tighnari’s mouth before his lips curled into a warm smile to welcome Cyno into his space. It was dazzling, and Cyno reveled in its radiance like a flower soaking up the light on its first bloom.
To Cyno, such affections were rare. And, it was rarer still that he enjoyed being on the receiving end of it. Despite that, in Tighnari's company, he found himself wanting more and more. One smile became two. Sparse meetings became regular hangouts.
All in all, it was no secret about the way he felt. The revelation of his feelings simply came as a passing thought to him one day, and without question, he had accepted it as fact. He wore those feelings on his sleeve, and gently nurtured them through every interaction he had with Tighnari. Cyno marveled at the way Tighnari moved, at the way he spoke, at the way he existed so effortlessly and yet, maintaining a distinct awareness of himself and others.
In retrospect, when he first came to this realization of his feelings, all the people of their shared inner circle seemed to accept it without a second thought. For starters, it was barely five minutes into their usual TCG night on the last Friday of the month at the tavern when Kaveh had pulled him aside, citing needing some legal advice with a client before he ambushed Cyno with the big question: “You like Tighnari?”
Kaveh was the first to notice, or at least, he was the first to say it aloud to Cyno’s face. Thus, Cyno, who was far from a man who was particularly secretive outside of his work, answered with a simple ‘yes’.
There was no point in denying it.
Many questions did follow after Kaveh’s question, but Cyno did not mind it in the least. After all, this particular encounter was far from the last in its nature. Kaveh naturally told Alhaitham. In turn, Candace had messaged him after she and Dehya had come to the City for a shopping trip and caught sight of Cyno with Tighnari. Then, Nahida also questioned it. All in all, it was safe to say that everyone in Sumeru had gotten a gist of Cyno’s true feelings towards Tighnari.
Even if Cyno made it that obvious, however, it would seem that everyone would come to know this fact except for Tighnari himself.
That wasn’t going to stop Cyno, nonetheless. Rather, he accepted it graciously. He dedicated himself to the idea of Tighnari, even with the possibility that Tighnari did not and would not ever return his feelings. Cyno was many things—devoted, yes. Loyal, of course. To Cyno, there was no version of himself that would ever be so affected by that green-eyed monster; he was simply not a jealous man.
Or, so he believed.
Today, Cyno had met with Tighnari for their usual weekly meetup at a cafe they regularly visited. It was a day in which Cyno indulged himself with Tighnari’s presence. They often chose a spot by the window, and Tighnari often caught Cyno’s gaze as it lingered for a tad too long on Tighnari. Their activities tended to vary from week to week, but it usually revolved around finishing up their workloads in each other’s company. It was usually just himself and Tighnari, though it wasn't unheard of for Sethos to join them—in fact, Kaveh also showed up occasionally near the end of the month, and once in a blue moon, they even managed to enjoy the rare presence of Alhaitham.
While he didn’t mind the extra company, Cyno certainly wasn’t expecting whatever was happening before him.
Watching the man he’s had a crush on for years whisper away behind a covered mouth to the man he considered his brother was proving to be quite a challenge to his belief that he was removed from being covetous.
Right now, Cyno was undoubtedly jealous.
He clenched his jaw, eyeing them with a fierce gaze as an unfamiliar fury sparked within him. Tighnari leaned into Sethos’ side, for the nth time this afternoon, to quietly speak in hushed tones to Sethos who sat beside him. In turn, Sethos’ green eyes met Cyno’s red ones before amusement flashed across his expression. Turning his head ever so slightly, Sethos gave Tighnari another hushed whisper in response.
It was driving him insane, really.
Cyno forced his eyes downward, urging himself to finish reviewing the reports he brought despite the blaze that had begun to sear through his veins.
What exactly were they speaking about so secretively?
Right in front of him, no less.
Cyno was not a jealous man, until the idea that Tighnari was in cahoots with someone else was unexpectedly planted into his mind. Tighnari, who usually had no qualms in confiding in him, seemed as though he was purposefully toying with him today while he carefully avoided the questioning gaze Cyno shot at him.
Out of all the ways Cyno could have reacted, rather than any refined conversation that he could have managed, it was pettiness and jealousy that had instead taken root.
Such a feeling was a stranger to Cyno, and yet, it already found its home in the depths of Cyno’s heart, coiling around his innards as hundreds of possibilities began to run through his mind.
The more logical and rational aspect of Cyno began his analysis with a simple question: how many times this month had Sethos begun to join them for their usual meetings? While Cyno would never shun Sethos’ presence, it occurred to him that Sethos had been present every single meeting he had with Tighnari leading up to today. Each time Cyno had arrived, Sethos had already been chatting with Tighnari, only for their conversation to die down after noticing Cyno’s presence.
Then, the next question: what was Sethos’ current relationship to Tighnari?
This one felt a little more like a pill that was too big to swallow. Sethos was well aware of Cyno’s feelings towards the fox. However, that didn’t exclude him from being a possible receiver of Tighnari’s affections. He wouldn’t have faulted Tighnari in the least—after all, Sethos was in many ways Cyno’s foil. He was much more charismatic, a better conversationalist in every regard, and handsome by all means. Perhaps Sethos, in his respect for Cyno, did not want to tell Cyno that he, too, harbored feelings for Tighnari.
Archons, he was beginning to feel ill as he felt himself draw closer and closer to a probable and justifiable conclusion.
The only inquiry that remained in his head was a final burning question that he could not find it in himself to answer. Would Sethos have secretly made a move on Tighnari despite being aware of Cyno’s feelings?
Cyno would have liked to deny that possibility with firm resolution, and yet, when faced with the reality of this scenario, he couldn’t help but think twice.
Admittedly, the words on his report had long since become jumbled up and nonsensical. He couldn’t focus on his work at all when all his thoughts were overcome by the gnawing heat inside him, building like a blaze that was seconds away from exploding. If Cyno had to be honest, the fact that he couldn’t recognize this resentment made it scarier to deal with than any other life-threatening risks he takes on at his job.
“Cyno… Cyno? … Cyno!”
His train of thought ended abruptly as Cyno straightened, eyes lifting from the untouched report to gaze at Tighnari who met his eyes with mild concern. Even like this, Cyno couldn’t help the fleeting awe of the glittering greens and browns in Tighnari’s eyes—they were always stunning to look at. Shaking his head to rid himself from those thoughts, Cyno gave an aimless excuse, “Sorry. I was just thinking about this report. Were you saying something?”
“I was asking if you wanted a drink. Sethos is going to order at the counter for us.”
Red eyes turned to settle on Sethos. Once more, Cyno found himself breaking down the finer details of Sethos’ appearance today, as though he were trying to read into the secretive nature of their whispered conversations. With a strained tone, fearing that these unpleasantries stewing within him would surface, Cyno gave a quiet response, “No. I don’t need a drink.”
Despite Cyno’s best efforts to make this conversation die down as quickly as possible, he was instead met with another eruption of this unrelenting bitterness while he watched Tighnari and Sethos share a look.
What was it about them today?
What was it that went beyond Tighnari’s friendship with Cyno that Tighnari felt the need to confide in Sethos instead?
“Take a break, Cyno. Don’t want to get a permanent mark on your face with that frown you’ve got on.”
Just like that, the thin thread of control Cyno had been clinging onto all but snapped.
“Fuck off, you’re the one that needs to watch himself,” Cyno growled out in response to Sethos’ lighthearted teasing.
Surprise crossed Sethos’ features, and Cyno didn’t have to look at Tighnari to know his face mirrored Sethos’ expression. It was another long, heavily quiet moment before the realization of Cyno’s words seemed to finally dawn on Cyno himself.
“Cyno… Are you okay?” Tighnari asked.
He didn’t feel okay.
This was not okay.
“I’m… sorry. I didn’t mean that, I’m just—it’s a lot—I—I’m going to go. You two enjoy your time together.”
Before the other two could get another word out, Cyno grabbed his things and hastily exited the cafe. He was mortified, and beyond that, he felt horribly guilty. Whoever that was in the cafe, it certainly wasn’t Cyno. He doubted ever lashing out on one of his friends like that before.
Crassness wasn’t in his nature, so where did such obscenities stem?
All he knew was that he needed to cool off. He needed time to process this. He needed to accept the possibility of this being a new norm—and perhaps, that was what scared him the most.
A few doors down from the cafe, Cyno heard Sethos once more calling for him while the pitter-patter of his footsteps approached him. Cyno considered making a run for it. He didn’t want to see him, nor did he want to think about what else Sethos and Tighnari could be getting up to in their free time.
“Cyno, hear me out, please!”
That said, Cyno knew that he couldn’t outrun Sethos. Thus, he came to a slow stop, though he did not move to meet Sethos’ gaze.
“It’s alright. I shouldn’t have lashed out on you, and it was very out of line for me. I apologize again, and I really should be going now,” Cyno said, giving a nonchalant gesture indicating his desire to brush it off.
“Okay. I get it, you want to get going, but first—” Sethos interjected, quickly stepping ahead of Cyno to stop him from speeding off. A hand came to rest firmly on Cyno’s shoulder before he continued, “Just listen: whatever you think is going on between Tighnari and I—it’s not happening. I would never betray your trust like that.”
And then, without another word, Sethos began to jog back the way he came, leaving Cyno with more questions than answers.
***
Cyno had been avoiding Tighnari.
Every attempt for Tighnari to meet up with Cyno had been declined with the reason being that he was swamped at work. Though, Cyno suspected that Tighnari knew his excuses were exactly that—mere excuses.
If he had to be honest, Cyno was already missing Tighnari.
Tighnari’s constant presence in his day-to-day life had become so integral that their short time spent apart, albeit due to Cyno’s own choices, left him with a dull but growing ache in his heart. His chest seemed heavy—both with guilt of his last encounter with Tighnari and with a strange loneliness that came about in Tighnari’s absence.
In his mind, he rehearsed for the nth time what he would tell Tighnari the next time they met. The safest option was to come clean, but no matter what he told the imaginary Tighnari in his head, the scenario always seemed to derail into Tighnari showing Cyno his disdain.
Cyno knew a long time ago that it would be Tighnari, or no one else. Yet, he also doubted Tighnari would ever return that sentiment.
Perhaps such doubts arose from his own perception of Tighnari. He had placed Tighnari on a pedestal that he could never reach, and in turn, caused insecurities to fester like black rot under the surface.
Tighnari had always showcased qualities that aligned with Cyno’s ideals. Smart, and sharp-witted, he was far from being subject to any trickery. Rational and calm, his expertise was often sought after from both his peers and those who came from completely different walks of life. His features were delicate, yet he held himself with such unyielding resolution. He was—
“There you are, Cyno. I was hoping I’d find you here.”
Tighnari was right in front of him.
Straightening up, Cyno’s eyes widened as he took in the sight of Tighnari. An almost instinctive response sprouted out of him as his heart began to pick up the pace, thundering away against the barred prison of his ribcage. If it weren't for the fact that his heart was an organ directly embedded into his body, Cyno was certain it would’ve already found a way to lay at Tighnari’s feet, begging for him to hold it just once.
“Tighnari—hello. It’s… good to see you.”
Those words felt strange coming out of his lips. Had it been so long now that Cyno had reverted into polite, formal greetings instead?
“Cyno…” Tighnari paused, hesitation lingering in his tone. Cyno was certainly good at reading Tighnari but when the furrow of Tighnari’s brow spoke most of its owner’s complicated feelings, Cyno didn’t know where to begin.
As the silence continued to drag on, Cyno swallowed down the words he had repeated in his mind just a few minutes earlier. All thoughts about confessing to Tighnari evaporated into thin air as his mouth became dry like it was full of sand and cotton.
Standing, Cyno said quickly, “Actually, I should get going. Sorry, Tighnari. I really have been—”
“No!”
Cyno’s body moved on its own accord as all thoughts of making a speedy getaway dissipated. He sat back down, eyes wide in response to Tighnari’s sudden outburst. In Tighnari’s eyes, Cyno saw the quiver of his irises, betraying the sorrow in his eyes.
Was Cyno the cause of it?
This was an unintended outcome of his self-isolation. Jealousy had no room in his existence, but by making the decision to vanquish that emotion, he had ultimately hurt Tighnari in the process.
“I didn’t mean to scare you, I just—” Tighnari let out a quiet sigh. His arms came to wrap around himself—Cyno had learned that this pose meant that Tighnari was nervous. It was a means to self-soothe. To see it presented now, considering their circumstances, struck a nerve in Cyno. Tighnari began to shuffle along, taking small steps until he was right beside Cyno, “What happened, Cyno? This isn’t normal—not for us. Did I do something wrong? Was it Sethos?”
Truth be told, Cyno had barely spared much thought about Sethos beyond his initial jealous rampage.
“It’s not you… or Sethos, for that matter. It’s… me.”
“Cyno, if you think you did something wrong that day… I can guess why you had that outburst—after all, Sethos and I were excluding you from the conversation right in front of your eyes. It’s understandable, and it wasn’t fair of me, but I just—”
As Tighnari rambled on, something clicked into place as he reflected on the way Tighnari was showcasing the impact Cyno had unknowingly caused in his absence.
“I love you, Tighnari,” Cyno interrupted. The words tumbled out of him before he had realized where they were going.
Then, just as easily as those three words seemed to fall out, the rest of his feelings began to follow suit. Whatever Cyno had been rehearsing in his head over the past few weeks was lost to the wind as his emotions went on autopilot, spilling out everything he had been meaning to tell the other to his heart’s content, “I have for years now. I fell in love with you so easily, and I couldn’t ever bring myself to act on it. I convinced myself that just quietly loving you was enough, but when I saw you with Sethos that day: something snapped. I started imagining scenarios where you and Sethos had found a connection with each other, and I was beyond jealous. That’s all there is to it, really. I’m sorry for causing you all that worry, Tighnari.”
Cyno barely managed to get that small apology out before he inhaled sharply, struggling to catch his breath. His chest rose and fell, spurred on by both his growing anxiety and the fact that he spoke so quickly that he didn’t even take a single breath. Even then, Cyno couldn’t deny how relieving it felt to be honest with his feelings.
He studied Tighnari’s face as the other continued to stay completely silent. Tighnari’s face said nothing at all – his face was devoid of any telling emotion as he met Cyno’s gaze.
Perhaps Cyno would’ve preferred the disdain rather than this tension where Cyno could not read whether the response would be a positive or negative one.
“I… I’ll get going. I’m sorry—if my feelings ruin things for you, but I just—I needed to tell you before it got any worse.”
“Don’t go,” Tighnari whispered, his hand reaching out to gently grasp at Cyno’s fingers, once more anchoring him to this exact place in time for a little longer.
“I don’t think I should stay if you’re going to reject me—I already know you would.”
Finally, there was a crack in Tighnari’s stony expression. The inner corners of his brows lifted as the tourmaline of his irises seemed to soften and melt, “It’s not that. I just feel silly— in a good way, of course.”
“In a good way?”
“In the best way,” Tighnari chuckled as his lips curled into a smile, warm around the edges filled with just enough affection to make Cyno’s knees weak, “I love you too, Cyno. That whole thing with Sethos, it’s… I’ve been asking him for help with confessing my feelings to you.”
“What?”
“I didn’t know how to tell you, and I was afraid you didn’t feel the same way, and now I see that… this is probably why he just kept telling me to be honest with you. I was just… so nervous that you wouldn’t feel the same.”
“Wait. You asked Sethos for help to confess to me?”
“Yes! I promise there’s nothing else going on between us. It’s you, Cyno—I’ve always been in love with you.”
“Archons…” Cyno let out a low groan, and just like that, all the tension and all the anxiety that was growing inside him for the past month seemed to fizzle out into nothingness. It was silly, wasn’t it? How fickle they were when they were in love. How the littlest of things could be stretched into the furthest plausible conclusion.
Rather than say anymore, Cyno surged forward, hands lifting to cup at soft cheeks before their lips met. Their lips brushed together, finding space in the curve of their mouths to slot against each other—a perfect fit. He lingered there for a moment as Tighnari’s hands came to rest against Cyno’s shoulders. This, and this alone, was what he had yearned for for years now.
Parting from Tighnari’s lips, Cyno whispered, “Let’s go on a date.”
“Yes. I’ve been wanting for nothing more.”
Just then, Cyno heard his phone vibrate on the table. Looking down but refusing to part from Tighnari quite yet, he saw the notification pop up on his screen.
[1:42PM] Sethos
A little birdie told me that they saw you and Tighnari smooching. I told you both a million times to just confess already, didn’t I?
Then, a smile broke out on Cyno’s face, amused at the outcome. He supposed he owed Sethos an apology and a meal. After all, Sethos had already figured them out before they themselves did.