Chapter Text
[14:30]
jackmerridew : Hey
Hey
Hey
user10282919192 : What do you need Jack?
jackmerridew : Ew fuck off fatty not you
percypig07 : 💀
jackmerridew : Why are you in this groupchat again
And also can someone convince Ralph to come watch the choir
Pls
ikicksandcastles : manners?? my oh my
jackmerridew : Shut up
ikickrocks : why do u need him to watch anyway
simonnnnn : don’t force him to do anything he doesn’t want to do please 🤕
jackmerridew : Shut up you wanker
multitasker : jack im in this groupchat as well
why dont u just ask me urself
also stop with the piggy ur so childish
jackmerridew : Fuck all of you
thing1 : what
multitasker : ??
jackmerridew : Sorry
Not really
percypig07 : 💀
ikicksandcastles: who r u?
multitasker: percival who added u here? ill have to kick u because this is supposed to be for work
simonnnnn : that’s percival?
percypig07 : pls dint kicj mr!!!!
jackmerridew : Jesus Christ
percypig07 : wha t will i brinf bsck ro camop to takk about
multitasker : what?
percypig07 : thus is thr onlty sourcw of drama in the islnd
multitasker : percival you shouldn’t be talking about the staff like that
who are you telling this to?
ikicksandcastles : how r u understanding him
percypig07 : jist pls dint kick me
multitasker : sry percival
percypig07 : MUM PKSSSS NO
multitasker kicked percypig07.
simonnnnn : what did i just witness?
thing2 : Bro called u mum 💀
multitasker : was probably another spelling error eric
shush
thing1 : He did tho
ikicksandcastles : btw mate piggys looking for u
simonnnnn : who?
multitasker : who?
ikicksandcastles : u
ralph
multitasker : oh
tell him im busy
jackmerridew : But ur not
multitasker : fuck off jack i am
jackmerridew : Doing what?
multitasker : jerking off
simonnnnn : ??
ralph??
ikicksandcastles : proof?
jackmerridew: 7
WGAHT WHAT WHAT
robbobrob : the wildest thing ralph’s said all week
waltdisney : he’s not guys
he’s with me in medical
simonnnnn : thank gosh
ikickrocks : so hes jerking off with u in the room?
jackmerridew : Whar???
What?
What?
What?
multitasker : ew no
waltdisney : wow thx
multitasker : sry
i’m with leo cos he fell out of a tree
jackmerridew : Why’s the bastard climbing trees
We’ve got Castle Rock
robbobrob : roger told him there was treasure on top
ikickrocks : i did
multitasker: he still believes it
he won’t stop crying
ikickrocks : tell him 2 stop
waltdisney : aww theyre hugging
thats cute
ikickrocks : i js walked in
im gonna be violently sick
robbobrob : roger WHY arent you with the kids
ikickrocks : i thought they were supposed to roam free
robbobrob : is ANYONE watching them?
multitasker : what
robert you were supposed to be there as well
oh god i see it out the window
pandemonium
jackmerridew : Am I illiterate
simonnnnn : sorry i can’t come help i’m struggling with the kayaks
multitasker : there were THREE of us
how is no one watching them????
robert where are you
robert?
robbobrob : i’m there now
wait wtf why and how is ralph already here
waltdisney : guys what happened
ralph just sprinted out the door
and leo’s crying again bloody hell
ikickpeople : yh i can hear it
its the sounds of heaven
simonnnnn : is anyone free
ikickrocks : yes
simonnnnn : i need help
ikicksandcastles : still on the kayaks?
simonnnnn : yes ☹️
ikicksandcastles : i’ll come over
ikickrocks : pussy
[18:42]
multitasker : anyone excited for the fire tonight? 🔥🔥☄️☄️❤️🔥❤️🔥🧨🧨🎇🎇
whatuknowabtrolling : WHAT
multitasker : ?
jackmerridew : Ralph u have serious issues
multitasker : and u dont
jackmerridew : Yeah I don’t actually
When you can sing C sharp, life's a breeze
A breeze I hope blows your fire out
simonnnnn : i’m excited 😆
multitasker : :D
ikickpeople : never do that again
user10282919192 : Hey, Ralph, just a reminder that there’s no fireworks tonight
multitasker : what
user10282919192 : The board says it’s too much of a fire hazard to do every night
Especially without a professional
jackmerridew : Common Ralph L
multitasker : what
why did no one tell me this
user10282919192 : I told Roger to inform you
multitasker : PETER WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU TRUST ROGER TO TELL ME
OF ALL PEOPLE
ikickrocks : AGHHH my eyes 😭😣😖 pls dont say that name around me, i get triggered
user10282919192 : Yeah I see now that I made a mistake
Sorry Ralph
ikicksandcastles : u get triggered by ur own name??
ikickrocks : no, p*ter
multitasker : FUCK OFF ROGER
IM GOING TO SHOVE THESE FIREWORKS UP SOMEONES ARSE
waltdisney : jack volunteers
jackmerridew : For what
ikicksandcastles : read the above
jackmerridew :
I mean
multitasker : JACK SHUT THE FUCK UP
my whole night is ruined
jackmerridew : i can make it up to u 😉😉
That was Maurice.
ikicksandcastles : i did no such thing
simonnnnn : sorry ralph!!
user10282919192 : At least the fireworks weren’t banned permanently
multitasker : when can i do them next
user10282919192 : I’m not sure you’ll have to ask
multitasker : ask for me
user10282919192 : …Okay
thing1 : 😱
[20:21]
simonnnnn : has anyone seen ralph??
@waltdisney he’s not in medical right
waltdisney : no? i’m still here but he’s not
thought he was waiting at the campfire
ikickrocks : i thought it was called off tonight
jackmerridew : Are you an idiot
Only the fireworks are off
The fire is still going
simonnnnn : if ralph shows up then yes
in fact why is only me, maurice, samneric and harold here this is supposed to be bonding
also if anyone sees henry can u send him over
he’s not here either i think he’s in the bathroom
user10282919192 : In the office right now
waltdisney : still on medical shift :( i wanna see the fire
ikickrocks : i’m supposed to be cleaning the bathrooms
jackmerridew : Are you doing it
ikickrocks : cant u just light the fire without ralph
if he aint there then he probably got over his obsession
jackmerridew : U avoided the question for what
simonnnnn : well we’re supposed to get the other guy to light it
that’s what ralph told us
robbobrob : then do that
i’m on my way btw there was just something wrong with one of the lights outside
simonnnnn : jack’s the guy supposed to light it
but he’s not here either
jackmerridew : Mate surely u know how to light a fucking fire
Do it urself
robbobrob : jack
seriously
waltdisney : did yall hear that scream
jackmerridew : Y’all
ikickpeople : y’all
waltdisney : shut up
robbobrob : did someone get murdered
ikickpeople : yh it was my fault
mb
robbobrob : stfu edgelord its just henry
simonnnnn : what’s he doing?
can you send him over
robert?
helloo?
waltdisney : @robbobrob
robbobrob : guys.
i found them.
simonnnnn : u found ralph?
jackmerridew : Shut up shut up
robbobrob : and jack.
jackmerridew : Shut up shut up
I will slit ur throat
robbobrob : making out.
simonnnnn : 😀
user10282919192 : Pardon?
waltdisney : WHATTTT
ikicksandcastles : pics or it didn’t happen
robbobrob : what was u lot doing
henry looks scarred for life
simonnnnn : robert please just send ralph and henry over
we’re still waiting on the fire
jackmerridew : What abt me
U just stole my man
multitasker : shut up jack
sry simon i’m on my way with henry
robbobrob : GUYS PLSS HENRYS GIVING JACK THE DIRTIEST LOOKS EVER IM ABOUT TO CACKLE IN HUS FACE
jackmerridew : …
robbobrob : sorry chief
[03:52]
ikickrocks : any1 awake
simonnnnn : go back to sleep roger 😓
thing1 : Hi!
thing2 : Hi!
multitasker : im awake
jackmerridew : Wtf why ru up
multitasker : come into my room and see for urself
jackmerridew : ???
ikicksandcastles : that sounds so dirty
simonnnn : ralph are you ok
multitasker : no
ikicksandcastles : im going back to sleep
simonnnnn : good night maurice 😴
jackmerridew : Guys
Someone tell me why every single littlun and their bloody mum is in Ralph’s room
thing2 : 😦
ikickpeople : whaaat
simonnnnn : is that allowed?
jackmerridew : I don’t fucking know
Hold on
simonnnnn : i’ll come over
oh he wasn’t lying
ralph’s asleep now tho so that’s good
but everyone’s just sleeping next to him
i’m kind of scared it looks like a ritual
oh henry just stole jack’s phone
jackmerridew : REAL WOMEN VOTE FOR TRUMP
ikickrocks : we r british
simonnnnn : they’re wrestling now
nevermind i think they’re sleeping
oh okay i’m leaving
ikickrocks : remind me to take up ralphs offer whenever he invites someone to his room
[05:03]
waltdisney : WTF DID I MISS LMFAOAO
ikicksandcastles : is jack still in ralph’s room?
jackmerridew : No you turd I already left
whatuknowabtrolling : HE’S LYING I JUST SAW HIM LEAVE
jackmerridew : Are you a moron
I said I left and you said I left what are you trying to prove
ikicksandcastles : jack it’s okay
we all know
jackmerridew : What
ikickrocks : yh we accept u for who u r
jackmerridew : What
simonnnnn : be who you are 🏳️🌈
jackmerridew : I’M NOT GAY
robbobrob : and what abt the tongue exercising session u had with ralph
that shit was feisty
jackmerridew : Ur schizophrenic
robbobrob : i wld not be working here then
user10282919192 : Does anyone know where Ralph is?
waltdisney : why is everyone always looking for him
ikicksandcastles : and why can no one ever find him
simonnnnn : jack should know right? or he might still be asleep
jackmerridew : I can confirm he is not in fact asleep
user10282919192 : Where is he then?
jackmerridew : Idk
robbobrob : uve got to be joking
simonnnnn : i’ll check the showers
jackmerridew : Don’t do that
ikickrocks : y?
jackmerridew : Bc what if he’s having a fucking shower mate ur gonna walk in on him
ikickrocks : thats not how it works
simonnnnn : he says as i watch him stroll into the showers
whatuknowabtrolling : EXPOSED
jackmerridew : Harold I will jump u
Also Ralph ain’t here
user10282919192 : It’s fine I found him
ikicksandcastles : where was he
user10282919192 : Swimming
ikicksandcastles : ??? tf
why is he swimming at 5:15 in the morning
user10282919192 : I’m not sure but who gave him a speaker?
simonnnn : he has a speaker?
thing1 : He might’ve stolen it from the choir
I saw him hanging around the stage a few days ago
jackmerridew : He was?
ikickrocks : not 2 see u
jackmerridew : Wow
user10282919192 : He won’t stop blasting songs from musicals
jackmerridew : I’ve taught him well
user10282919192 : You’ve taught him a load of bollocks
thing2 : What musical is it 😮
user10282919192 : I don’t even know
ikicksandcastles : I can hear it from Castle Rock
its 21 chump street
ikickrocks : wtf is that
jackmerridew : Are you mental
It’s In The Heights
ikicksandcastles : what
wait
actually?
jackmerridew : She said Usnavi like five times take a wild guess
ikicksandcastles : …my bad gang
robbobrob : shut upp
waltdisney : back in medical :( why is it always me
simonnnnn : because you’re good with children!
thing1 : Yeah! we can’t have Roger in there can we
waltdisney : okay but what abt ralph
the children all like him
in fact i’m pretty sure he’s the only one they genuinely like
jackmerridew : They like me as well
ikicksandcastles : i let out a chuckle
waltdisney : whatever helps u sleep at night jack
simonnnnn : exactly, they like ralph so he’s the one that spends the most time with them
and also for some reason according to the records he’s the only one bringing any kids to medical
robbobrob : i swear he doesn’t even like children
user10282919192 : Oh, that’s another thing I need to talk about
ikickrocks : oh god
jackmerridew : Shut up Piggy you aren’t even remotely in charge
robbobrob : the only one with any kind of power in this gc at all is ralph
and he’s still not even allowed to choose the room he sleeps in so
give it a rest mate
user10282919192 : I’m practically his advisor! He wouldn’t do half the things he does if it weren’t for me
waltdisney : sure
multitasker : “God may reduce you on Judgement Day to tears of shame, reciting by heart the poems you would have written, had your life been good.”
p*ter made me send that
user10282919192 : What ?!
Also why are you censoring my name
ikickrocks : bc ill tweak out if he doesnt
simonnnnn : guys sorry to interrupt but there’s a kid on the roof
multitasker : what.