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This is just her luck, being involved in a officer involved shooting within months of each other. Lucy sighs as she waits in the back of the ambulance, she’s not hurt. She’s fine but—
She looks over at the man on the gurney, he’s in bad shape and it’s all her fault.
He had pulled out a gun, and she had shot him, it was for all intents and purposes a good shot but it still happened and she was still involved.
She still shot a man.
“Chen.” Grey comes up to the ambulance wearing a concerned expression on his face. She swallows hard when she sees Tim appear behind wearing an equally worried expression. She looks away from him and back at Grey.
“Sir.” She says quietly. Grey looks behind him and sees Tim, he shakes his head a little.
“Are you okay?” He asks. Lucy licks her lips, it’s a loaded question because really she hasn’t been okay since that night. She hasn’t been able to get the image of Tim walking away from, from them out of her mind.
“I’ve been better.” She says honestly. “What’s going to happen?” Grey takes a deep breath and Lucy’s eyes find Tim again. She remembers the first time this happened and he was by her side reassuring her they would get through things together.
And now she’s alone—
“You will be questioned.” Grey says. “And put on administrative leave while they conduct a investigation. But I have no doubt it was a necessary shot.”
Lucy nods tearing her eyes away from Tim to Grey. “Okay. Thank you sir.”
“It’s going to be okay Chen.” Grey says and he looks behind him again. She tries to smile at him but she knows it comes out weak.
Grey walks away and Lucy hangs her head a little. She looks up to see Tim watching her closely, his eyes never leaving her face. He starts to walk over but then his hands fall to his side and he turns around and walks away. And it feels like Lucy’s heart is breaking all over again.
***
Tim paces outside the room that Lucy is in, he wants to talk to her. He wants to see if she’s okay, he wants to assure her that it was a clean and necessary shot. But he’s not the person for her anymore, and even if things were better between them and lord knows they were. There was still this awkward air around them. It was almost like they didn’t know each other anymore.
He knows this is just part of the process, but she had been in there for a long time. He starts pacing again, just as the door opens and Lucy steps out.
“Oh.” She says and she looks back at Nolan behind her. “What are you doing?” He freezes and all he wants to do is comfort her, like she did to him when Mad Dog died. When she saved him from being stabbed in the face.
“I just wanted to make sure you had your union rep.” He says but the words sound bitter in his mouth. Lucy frowns at him, and Tim watches as Nolan slowly backs away.
“You wanted to see if I had my union rep?” She asks sounding a little flabbergasted and a little angry. “I know what to do Tim.”
“I know—” He says softly. He’s such a coward and he hates that he can’t get anything else out. They stand there staring at each other before Lucy finally starts walking away without another word.
He was trying he really was. He just wasn’t sure how to handle this, he wasn’t sure how to be there for her in an appropriate way.
He takes a deep breath and then lets it out, something his therapist taught him to do when things go too overwhelming.
And he’s really glad he has a therapy session soon, maybe he would get some clarity in that.
***
“Deep breaths Tim.” Tim takes a deep breath and looks at his therapist Dr. Winslow who was smiling at him. “What’s going on?”
Tim takes slow deep breaths and lets them out. “Lucy.” He says. Dr. Winslow gives him a knowing look. It’s not the first time he’s brought her up in therapy and despite what he told her, he never told Dr. London she was a freak in the sheets (although she one hundred percent was). He mainly brought up how he was slowly paying her back, how he told her he knows he messed up.
Broke her heart and trust.
How he still loved her with every fiber of his being.
“What about her?” Dr. Winslow asks. “Are you two okay?” Tim shrugs his shoulders a little, nothing about it was okay.
“I guess.” He says. “But she is going through something and I don’t know how to help her. I want to help her. But it’s hard because it’s not my place anymore.”
“You’re right.” Dr. Winslow says. “But that doesn’t mean you can’t be there for her Tim. You still love her right?”
“More than anything.” He says. If there was one thing he knew for sure it was he loves Lucy. And he always would, whether they were together or not.
“Then be there for her in a supportive way. Talk or don’t talk. Let her be the one to lead it. Give her the opportunity to know you are there.”
“So small doses.” Tim mutters. He had been doing little things here and there for Lucy but at her pace.
“Precisely.” Dr. Winslow says. “Move at her pace. Be there for her but also respect her boundaries.”
“I can do that.” Tim says. Dr. Winslow smiles at him, and leans forward.
“I know you can Tim. You have made a lot of progress since our first session. It’s going to get better.”
Tim nods but doesn’t say anything. He leans back against the seat and sighs heavily.
Be there but respect her boundaries.
He would never push her, he never would want to make her uncomfortable. And like he told her—small doses.
He could do it, he would be there for her in the best way he could. And for right now that was all that mattered.
***
Tim stands outside Lucy’s door, his fist raised and his heart pounding. He knocks softly and a few minutes later the door opens revealing Celina behind the door. Her eyes widen a little but she turns and calls for Lucy.
Lucy appears seconds later, her eyebrows furrowing when she sees him. Celina nods at both of them and then disappears.
“Hi.” She says shuffling her feet and then stepping aside so he could come in.
“Hi.” He says. “I know this is unexpected but I just wanted to make sure you were okay.” Lucy is silent as she chews on her bottom lip.
“I’m fine.” She says. “You didn’t have to come check on me.” Tim nods his head remembering what Dr. Winslow said.
Be there for her in a supportive way.
“I know.” He says. “But I’m here to listen if you need it or not. If you want me to leave I will.” Lucy shakes her head and turns around and walks towards the couch. Tim follows her, a little hesitantly.
She sits down and then looks up at him, he sits next to her. “I know it was a clean shot.” She says. “He pulled his gun on me.”
Tim’s heart clenches a little because if she hadn’t shot him, she could have been the one on the gurney. He doesn’t say anything just lets her continue.
“But a part of me is just thinking there could have been another way. I could have talked him down.” She says. “It’s stupid I know but—”
“It’s not stupid Lucy.” Tim says gently. “I wish you didn’t have to shoot him either but he was going to shoot you.”
“I know.” She says quietly. She picks at the skin on her fingers, and looks up at him. “I know.”
“The body cam footage will show he pulled a gun.” Tim says. “You made the right call.”
Lucy sighs and tucks some hair behind her ear. “How do you do that?” She asks.
“Do what?”
“How do you know what to say every time? For a man of few words you really know what to say.” She says. Tim shrugs his shoulders looking down at his lap.
“I just want to be there for you in whatever way you allow.” He says. “Small doses and all that.” She smiles at him, and scoots closer to him.
“I appreciate it Tim.” She says. “I really do.” Tim nods and he relaxes his shoulders a bit.
“I’m sorry.” He blurts out. She looks at him surprised. “I’m sorry for everything Lucy.”
“Tim—”
“No listen.” He says and he needs to get this out. All his therapy sessions with Dr. Winslow coming back at him. His therapist told him to take things with Lucy slowly, to not rush it and when he could he should apologize.
Lucy nods at him and he continues. “I let you down. I let myself down. I ruined our relationship because I didn’t want you to see a part of me I wasn’t proud of. I was guarding you from me Lucy. I thought if I showed you a version of me, that was—dark you wouldn’t like it.”
“Oh Tim.” Lucy whispers scooting even closer. “I love all versions of you. The good, the bad, the ugly. I’m not going to run away because you have a past. You aren’t that man anymore, I know it’s hard to see but you deserve love. And if you would let me in I would show you it.”
“You are the best person I know Lucy.” He mutters leaning forward. “How do you put up with me?”
Lucy sucks in a breath and the presses her forehead against his putting her hand on his jaw. “You put in the work for the people that you love.”
Tim blinks at her, a little stunned at her words. “I’m trying Luce.” He mutters. “This is me trying.”
“I know you are.” She says back her voice a little shaky. “I’m so proud of you Tim.”
I love you is on the top of his tongue. Lucy must know what he’s thinking because presses a soft kiss to his lips.
“I’m trying too Tim.” She says. “You have worked so hard and I know we still have a long way to go but—”
“We are getting there.” He finishes for her. She nods and leans back smiling at him.
“Thanks for checking up on me.” She says. He smiles at her and then moves to get up but she pulls him back down.
“Stay.” She says. “Please.” He nods and relaxes against the couch, and maybe they do have a little ways to go before they are back but this is progress and that’s all he could hope for.
***
A few weeks later, Tim finds himself back at Lucy’s door. This time however, he has a case of beer for him and a gift for her. He knocks on the door without hesitating this time and the door opens right away revealing Lucy.
They had made progress since that night in her apartment, so much so that they were—back together. It wasn’t by any means perfect or the way it was but they were both trying to be the best they could be for themselves and each other.
He still went to therapy, and she even started to come to some of his sessions. She had found her own therapist and was working on herself too.
They were becoming better versions of themselves.
“Hi.” She says bouncing on her toes. He smiles at her as he walks into her apartment.
“Hi.” He says and he sets the beer and the box down. She leans up and presses a soft kiss to his mouth.
“How was therapy?” She asks moving away from him and back into the kitchen. He sits down on the stool and watches as she moves around.
“It was good. My therapist says he’s proud of me for wanting to talk. For taking the next steps with us.” He says. Lucy throws him a smile over her shoulder. Her eyes land on the box next to the beer.
“A present?” She asks him. He nods his head as she comes over to stand next to him. He hands her the box and she takes it, and opens it up. She watches as her face changes from confusion to happiness.
“Tim—” She mutters. “It’s beautiful.” He smiles as she lifts the moonstone necklace out of the box. He stands up and she hands it to him as he puts it around her neck. It was a spur of the moment buy, he had been out and walked by the jewelry store. It caught his eye and he just knew he had to get it.
It fit her so perfectly.
“Do you like it?” He asks nervously. She nods and turns around and gives him a kiss except it’s longer this time.
“I love it.” She says. “Thank you.” He smiles and lifts her chin to kiss him.
“Thank you for being patient with me and helping me—through everything.” He says. “You are amazing.”
“As are you.” She says. “You have been patient with me too Tim.” Tim nods and kisses her again, her hand goes to his chest and he pulls her tighter against him. He has a feeling they may be ordering pizza tonight.
“I love you Tim.” She mutters against his lips. He smiles and slowly backs her towards her bedroom.
“I love you too Lucy.” He mutters and he can’t contain his happiness as he kisses her.
(And if the fire alarm goes off later—well it was all worth it).