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cover art by Penndragon27
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Author: mdzJoDrt
Reader: Penndragon27
Length: 25:08
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Morgana tosses and turns in her bed unable to sleep. Partly due to fear of having another nightmare but mainly due to the thought that has crossed her mind and not left it. The possibility of her having magic only increases the more she thinks about it. She tightens her closed eyes in distress and hopes that she will be able to fall into a dreamless slumber. However, the only thing in her mind was fear.
What would she do if magic was the answer to all her problems? If her existence was too despised by Uther and everyone in this kingdom that she would be killed the moment she was found out? If her friends all turned their back on her the moment they found out her whole being was a danger to everyone around her? Would she be able to escape undetected from the castle? Would she even be able to survive on her own out in the forest?
She could hear her own heartbeat, drumming hard and fast in her ears. She opened her eyes in hopes of calming herself down but instead her breath got rasher and before she knew it, her flower vase blew up. She can't take it anymore. She doesn't care if she gets burned at the Pyre by morning, she just needs someone else to acknowledge that she has magic.
Her way to Gaius' chambers feels eternal while simultaneously feeling like an instant. She knows that if she doesn't say this to another person she will die of madness but knowing that she has to say it to someone else terrifies her. The echo of her footsteps against the brick floor contrast against the silence of the castle. Her own breathing is enough to put her on high alert. When she finally reaches the door she can't help but hesitate. If she doesn't do this now she will never gather enough courage to do it. Before she can return to her chambers she chooses to just open the door, not even bothering to knock.
"Is Gaius here?" her usually confident voice is now threaded by worry and fear. She hates how small this whole situation makes her feel. It's almost as if she were permanently stuck in one of her nightmares and isn't able to wake up.
"Uh, no, he's not here at the moment, he should be back soon though." Merlin said as the candles he was blowing out became a second thought in his mind the moment he saw the tears in Morgana's eyes.
"I need to speak to him, where is he?" She's desperate. She wants to get this over with. She doesn't want to put anyone's life at risk but she has no other choice.
"He's gone to see the king." The King, Uther. He wouldn't hesitate a second to kill her if he found out she had magic regardless of how much he claimed to love her as his ward. The mere thought of him made her hold her breath. "What's wrong?" She opens her mouth, ready to finally tell someone else but she hesitates. Would Merlin tell on her or would he keep her secret? Even if it poses a threat to both him and Gaius' life? She can't even look at him! "You can trust me Morgana." He whispered almost as if he understood how dangerous what she was about to say truly is for both of them. She looks at him with a slight glimmer of hope in her eyes mixed in with the tears already there. "You know you can."
Something about the way he says it feels reassuring. But it's still not enough to get rid of the fear that has overcome her. "I'm scared, Merlin." She whispered. As much as she wanted to just say it out right she couldn’t. "I don't understand anything anymore." She's on the verge of tears now. "I need to know what's happening… please." She begs, and that just doesn't fit her usual courageous and defiant personality. Merlin wants to tell her something but he hesitates.
"Gaius will be back soon he'll be able to help you." He can't even maintain eye contact as he says those words. Maybe it's because he knows what Gaius will tell her or maybe it's because he wants to tell her as well.
"He won't. I don't want any more of his remedies, they won't do any good." Her defiance is back but it's weaker and still full of fear. They stare at each other for a second. Morgana uses this small moment of courage to finally spit out what she's been suspecting before she lets fear override her brain once more. "It's magic." She whispers as loud as her brain allows her.
"What?" He was expecting this. He knew this was what was wrong with her. Yet he's still surprised by her bluntness, if you can call all that previous back-and-forth blunt. He takes a step back in order to recompose himself.
"I'm your friend you know I wouldn't make this up" her whisper is tinged with desperation. Merlin swallows thickly. He looks a bit out of it, which is fair enough since no one really ever expects their friend to just blurt out that they have magic in a kingdom where the mere mention of it could get them both killed.
"Of course." It's clear that Merlin wants to run away from this conversation and if Morgana wasn't on the verge of insanity then she would probably give him an out but she really needs someone else to say it out loud to her.
"You think it's magic too?" While she grows hopeful, Merlin grows conflicted. "Please, Merlin, I just have to hear someone say it so I don’t have to feel like I'm imagining it." She begs. Merlin stays silent for a second, hesitating on what to say. He takes a deep breath. Mentally preparing to say what he's about to say out loud is not an easy task with less than a second to think but he manages.
"I think it's magic too." He whispers as fast as he can while maintaining eye contact with Morgana. He opens his mouth to say something else but quickly shuts it. He steps closer to give Morgana a hug. She holds her tightly in an effort to comfort her and she reciprocates the hug with the same intensity. She starts sobbing in his shoulder so he takes a step back to look at her. "I have magic too." He blurts out while maintaining eye contact. The action just makes her sob even harder so he pulls her back in.
"We're so dead." She says with a broken voice and a small smile on her face. She considers her attempt to lighten the mood a success when she hears Merlin chuckle softly. They finally pull back from the hug with tears running down their faces but regardless, they have small unsure smiles plastered on their faces. This was a step in a new direction for both of them and now they had to learn how to live with their close proximity to the king and their newly found secret.
Morgana and Merlin soon discovered that they made a great team. Whether it was to play a simple prank on Arthur or to stop the latest magical attack on Camelot. They were great at working together. Merlin had enough patience to teach Morgana whatever new thing Gaius taught him and Morgana was eager enough to make up for the small amount of time they had alone together.
As nice as it was to hang out with each other and learn from their experiences together, it was getting increasingly harder to hide the amount of alone time they spent together. With each passing day Arthur became more and more suspicious of them. More specifically their late night ventures to the woods. You see the thing with Merlin and Morgana was that even though they thought they were being sneaky, they really weren't. Basically the whole castle knew of their late night meetings and it was only by some miracle that Uther himself hadn’t caught wind of it yet.
Unfortunately for them, Arthur was one of the first ones to catch on. He first started noticing when Morgana would wake up with dark circles under her eyes and coincidently, Merlin would always show up later than usual. He didn't think much of it at first but then the castle started talking. "Mary said that Paul saw Lady Morgana letting someone into her chambers late at night the other day." he heard from a serving girl with a laundry basket at her hip walking alongside another serving girl with a stack of dirty dishes in her arms. "Thomas said that he saw Gaius' boy running into the forest with a noble lady the other night when he was tending to the horses." He heard guards outside his door gossiping with each other. It was becoming more and more obvious that Morgana and Merlin were seeing each other in secret. But he couldn't point any fingers just yet because the moment he got involved this whole thing would surely reach Uther's ears. So he had to get creative.
"You wanted to see me, Sire?" Gwen asked the moment she stepped into his chambers and promptly closed the door behind her. If there was anyone in this castle who would know what was happening between Merlin and Morgana it was definitely Gwen. Even if she didn't know, he could always do some… investigating on his behalf. Arthur closed the book he was currently reading and pulled a piece of parchment paper he had been hiding.
"Yes, please have a seat. This is of utmost importance." He motioned towards the chair he set up moments before her arrival to encourage her to sit down. She hesitantly pulled the chair back and took a seat right in front of him and watched as he started unfolding the piece of parchment he had pulled from his drawer. "I assume you have heard the things being said in the rumor mill, yes?" He asked as he finally straightened out the parchment paper and turned it around for her to read.
"Yes, sire. It's kind of hard to miss when it involves my own Lady and friend and everyone crowds me for answers." She said with an exhausted sigh. She reached over and grabbed the parchment that was offered to her. She was confused at first but as she continued to read she just became increasingly more confused. "What is this?" She asked as she set the parchment paper down.
"That is what's been circulating the rumor mill for the past couple of weeks… now that we're on the same page, what do you know about Merlin and Morgana?" Gwen audibly groaned and visibly rolled her eyes at the question. She did not even try in the slightest to hide her dislike towards the question. "I take it you've been asked more than once?" He asks cautiously to not upset her. He still needs answers after all. She sighs once more before answering him.
"Yes, I apologize for my little outburst but you just have no idea how many people have cornered me to ask me either about Merlin, Morgana, or both and it’s honestly starting to become very frustrating because I don't know what's going on with either of them and when I tell people that they think I'm just trying to be a good friend by not sharing their secrets but I really don't know what's happening between them, but that doesn't mean that I would share their secrets if they did tell me about it but I just wish people would just leave me alone regarding this whole situation!" She breathes heavily afterwards, she even seems more relaxed as if she just let go of a burden that's been holding her back.
"And you really know nothing of what's going on between them?" he asked once more, careful to not fluster her any further. She shook her head and gave a final sigh before answering.
"No, Sire, I really don't know if they're seeing each other in secret or who it is they're seeing." She said with finality in her tone. She seemed upset with a frown on her face. "I really do wish I could tell you more about it but they have not mentioned anything to me." Arthur listened attentively and shook his head to let her know he was listening.
"I understand." He pushed his chair back and stood up. The sudden movement made Gwen raise her head from the parchment paper and watched him approach the window to lean on the sill. "Guinevere, I have a job —no, not a job— a mission for you. And only your success will be accepted. Do you understand? Failure is not an option." He turned around and gave her a pointed finger as he started walking back to his desk. Gwen could do nothing more but nod in shock and anticipation.
He pulled out some blank sheets of parchment paper, a quill, a small jar of ink, and a dagger. He placed all of the objects on the desk in front of Gwen in a neat pile to make it easier for her to grab. Gwen tried to act as if she knew what was going on but it was hard to pinpoint where this was all going. Thankfully Arthur didn’t wait for her to catch up and started explaining to her his plan or rather his expectations.
"As you know, it would cause an outrage if it were to come out that a noble lady and peasant boy were seeing each other in secret. What I need you to do is gather as much information as possible to piece what's really going on with them both. Write down as many findings and as many details as they tell you. And if someone tries to get in your way, stab them with the dagger. Remember; stab, twist, pull. In that order. Got it." Gwen gave a light nod before she could even finish processing what was said to her. He kept pacing the room in silence which gave her just enough time to actually understand what her orders were. Her eyes opened wide as she let out a small gasp.
"Sire, I don't think it’s anything that serious!" Her back relaxed a bit before she said "Besides, wouldn't it be best to ask them directly? They're our friends after all. I don't think they would lie to us if we asked."
"All right! On with it Guinevere! I expect nothing but success from you! Oh, don't let my father catch you." He said as he guided her out of his chambers and pushed her out of them and promptly closed the door behind her. She stood there for a few seconds before she took a deep breath and started walking towards Morgana's chambers. For now she'll just follow through with her normal chores and figure out what to do with the prince's orders later.
It had been a few days since the prince had given Gwen specific orders to find out what was going on between Merlin and Morgana and to be frank she had hardly been trying to gather information. It was actually by pure coincidence that she found Merlin and Morgana together late at night in the stables ready to ride out into the night. She wasn't supposed to be anywhere near the stables the night that she found them together, but thanks to a specific chain of events she found herself walking in at the exact moment Merlin and Morgana had been getting their saddles set on their horses.
She was meant to be going home but Mary had asked her if she could take the laundry basket instead since she needed to get home quickly in order to care for her sick child. Of course Gwen had a soft heart so the moment she asked it was given that the answer was going to be yes. So she grabbed the basket from her hands and started to make her way to the laundry room but halfway there she was intercepted by John who asked her if she'd seen Merlin that day since he was supposed to come fetch some plant for Gaius from him, so Gwen offered to take the plant to Gaius in his steed. So, immediately after dropping off the basket in its respective place she started making her way towards Gaius' quarters. Once she arrived there she obviously had to ask about Merlin's whereabouts but Gaius didn't have an answer. However he did have a special cutting knife he had borrowed from the stable master that he had promised to return that very day, so again, Gwen volunteered to take it.
During her trek to the stables she was promptly told that the stable master had already left home but before she could even think of her options she was told that she could just leave it in there for either the stable master to find or wait until tomorrow to catch him again. Remembering that the knife had been promised to be returned today she decided that she could just leave it there along with a note for the stable master. Just as she was about to exit the castle she remembered she needed parchment paper and a quill in order to write a note so she started to make her way back to Gaius' chambers to ask for some parchment paper and a quill for the note. Unbeknownst to her, the moment she turned around to go back to Gaius, Merlin and Morgana sneaked by her and headed towards the stables.
Gwen hadn't even made it halfway back up the castle when she remembered she was still carrying the Parchment paper and quill the prince had given to her so with that in mind she turned around once more and continued her journey to the stables. Just as she was approaching the stables she heard voices… familiar voices. Merlin and Morgana to be more exact. She approached slowly and when she was finally within hearing range she stopped for a moment to listen at what they were saying.
"All I'm saying is that we've already done enough for this stupid kingdom!" She heard Morgana whisper yells along with some shuffling. "I mean, if a kingdom that hates magic, requires two magic users in order to keep it safe, then maybe the kingdom deserves to be overtaken." She said with a huff as Merlin gave a light chuckle.
Wait… Did she say magic users? Not one but two magic users? In Camelot? Were they both magic users? Is that why they've been behaving weird lately? Should she make herself known? Would they hurt her? No. They wouldn't hurt her. They were her friends. But magic corrupts. It landed her in the dungeons once and got her father killed. But magic had also saved her father's life and it had also helped save Merlin's village.
"We live here as well, Morgana. Along with our friends. You wouldn't want anything bad to happen to them would you?" It was still just Merlin and Morgana. Two of the kindest people she had ever met. Morgana who would always bring wounded animals from her walks into the forest in order for them to heal somewhere safe. And Merlin who was not afraid to go against Arthur, and sometimes even the king, when he thought something was unjust. She can't remember any time in the past when Morgana had used her position as the king ward to get someone in trouble or demand something impossible. As for Merlin, she's never seen him resort to violence for no reason.
She was so lost in her thoughts that she hadn't even noticed she was leaning a little too much on a stack of hay that collapsed due to the added weight of her body. She froze, unsure of what to do next. Her options were to either acknowledge what she heard and confront them or play dumb and pretend she didn't hear a thing. In hindsight it was probably safer to pretend but her curiosity and concern for her friends got the best of her.
"Are you mad! Why would you be discussing such topics out in the open where anyone can hear you!" She screamed as she got up and dusted her dress for any hay or dirt that might've clung to it. Her face was scrunched up in a frown and her friends were looking at her with a mix of disbelief, amusement, and a hint of fear. Morgana and Merlin just turned to look at each other and then back at her, not knowing how to react.
"What?"
"I heard your conversation! I may be a mere serving girl but I can assure you I'm not an idiot! Sure maybe I along with the entire castle thought that maybe you two were involved romantically, but this is ten times more worse!" She whisper-yelled as she kept getting closer to them. "What if I had been someone else? You two would be dead in less than a second!" Merlin and Morgana were both relieved and terrified knowing that their friend found out their secret and wasn't running to the king immediately.
"You're not going to tell the king?" Asked a hopeful Morgana with fear lingering in her tone.
"NO! I don't want to see you burn!" She screamed with some tears in her eyes as her and Morgana embraced each other in a reassuring hug. Merlin watched from the sidelines and let out a sigh of relief.
"You understand that keeping our secret will get you in trouble if ever found out, right?" Asked Merlin cautiously, not wanting to break the warm moment his two friends are having.
"I understand and I will take this secret to my grave." Said Gwen as she continued to embrace Morgana. There were a lot of things, topics, situations, and scenarios they should all discuss in order to keep each other safe but for now they will revel in the comfort of knowing they had someone else to rely on.
Shortly after finding out, Gwen became a part of their antics. She would cover for them when they became too obvious, funnily enough, she just went with what was already in people's minds and would tell people that the lovebirds needed some alone time. Although it was great at keeping others off their back, it only became harder to avoid Arthur's questions. And now with people in the rumor mill claiming that Gwen herself was confirming the rumors, Arthur became harder to appease.
"So, Guinevere" started Arthur, "It's been, what? Two, three, weeks since I asked you to investigate the rumors for me, correct?" He asked as he pulled out a piece of parchment paper similar to the one he had pulled the first time. "It has come to my attention that you in fact do now something but have yet to tell me about it. Care to explain?"
Gwen knew she should've told Merlin Morgana about Arthur's growing suspicion on them but she thought 'if he's not suspecting them of magic then it's ok' but now that she's right in front of him having to face the truth she's not sure what she should answer.
"Uhm…Well, you see, Sire, I really don't know what's going on between them." She answered with very little confidence. Before she could think of a follow up answer, the prince interrupted.
"Guinevere, I understand that they're both your friends and you're trying to protect them but I need to know this information in case the king asks me. So, I'm going to ask you one more time. Is there or is there not something going on between them?" Arthur was certainly not a patient man, but he did have a soft spot for Gwen so he was willing to give her one more chance to redeem herself before he took matters into his own hands.
"Sire, I don't believe it's my place to answer such a question." She settled on that for an answer , and as soon as the words left her lips she let out a heavy sight. Arthur only watched her with calculating eyes before he recomposed himself and waved her off.
"Thank you, you may leave now." The moment he closed his mouth, Gwen bolted towards the door, hoping to flee the room before he could decide to question her further. It was time to take care of things himself.
Arthur hadn't wanted to resort to this, but the ongoing rumors and Gwen's reluctance to help him forced him to spy on both of his friends. If the rumors were correct, Merlin and Morgana would meet in the stables at night before heading off into the woods. He wasn't sure if they arrived here together or if they even left together, but if he can at least catch them both leaving on the same night he can confront them about it the next day.
This is now his third night in a row waiting inside Llamrei's stall for Merlin or Morgana to come and prove his suspicions. So far he's had no luck. Tonight, however, seems to be the night where he will be able to confront them. He had just begun to fall asleep in the hay when he hears loud whispering coming from outside the stable. He stays still and does his best to strain his ears to figure out who's speaking and what they're saying.
"I told you! No matter how sweet and kind Gwen is, she's a horrible liar! We're going to get caught sooner or later!" That was definitely Morgana speaking, now he just needed to hear who her companion was and he could stop sleeping in the stables.
"Well, it's not like we could just make her forget what she heard! Well we could, but we shouldn't do that to our friends!" That's all he needed to hear, he could confront them now, but he's too tired to do so. He'll just wait until tomorrow to do it. For now he'll try to see what other information he can get from them.
"Wait, is there actually a spell for that?" Asked an overly excited Morgana. Spell? As in Magic? Are they practicing magic? No, they can't be? Morgana's too kind for that and Merlin's too dumb. Maybe they're just having a weird conversation. He'll have to tell them to be careful of what they say tomorrow.
"Yeah, it's actually quite simple and has little side effects but it requires too many specifics so I don't like to do it often." This is… a very weird conversation. Maybe Merlin read in passing somewhere, Gaius was a sorcerer after all so maybe he heard it from him. He'll just…ignore the last part.
"You have to teach it to me someday, who knows it might come in handy." Ok, he refuses to believe his two friends are practicing magic in a kingdom that hates magic. That's too risky for someone as smart as Morgana and too dumb even for Merlin. He's probably just hallucinating from lack of sleep. He hadn't even realized the tight grip he had on Llamrei until she neighed in discomfort. That obviously caught Merlin's and Morgana's attention since they fell silent almost immediately.
He heard footsteps approaching the stall he was in and he knew right then and there that no matter how real or hypothetical their conversation was, his mind was made and there was no changing it. By the time he made eye contact with Morgana he knew that this decision was made since before he even found out. When Merlin finally spoke, he knew he would protect them from the king even if he himself would also burn at the pyre for associating himself with magic.
The tears shed and the hugs shared that night marked the beginning of a new era for the kingdom, even if the three teenagers in the stables didn't realize it quite yet.