Chapter Text
You know how sometimes, there's something that you just can't shake about someone?
You meet them, and you can't even fathom why anyone would enjoy this jumbled up person. This creature which doesn't even seem to love themself.
And then that's when it clicks.
And that's what you can't shake.
They're so utterly broken, this cacophony of unbridled love for everyone and everything small and simple and extraordinary, tossed under a rug out of fear.
Out of desperation to be loved back by everyone and everything small and simple and extraordinary.
To be appreciated so intensely that they'll do anything to drag some sort of attention out of anyone who can see them.
Which is much harder to accomplish when nobody can see them.
Literally.
Hi.
Remember this. This strange monologue about the desperation to be loved deep down in those that feel truly hated. It's important to know, throughout this story, because the creature in question is particularly impacted by this upsettingly common sort of trauma response.
He thinks he's undeserving of love, but he wants it. So badly. But he knows he can't have it. So, he plays into that role. Ruins everything good that comes his way. Justifies the way that nobody seems to care.
All in all, he's just a big mess.
Until he's not.
Until he's found a friend. One girl. One goth teen with one hell of a resolve, who understands him. Not deep down, no. He'd rather get hit by a bus than tell this girl, this random burst of sunlight through the storm, all his woes. Tell her about everything he knows is wrong with him, everything he craves and everything he can't achieve. Give her a reason to leave, just like everyone else.
But that's what he does. Somehow, even though he's masked all of this torment and locked it up deep inside, she runs. She jumps into literal Hell to get away from him. She comes back, she brings him to life, and she kills him again.
And he isn't mad.
He can't be mad.
As a matter of fact, he's grateful. He's so incredibly grateful that this wonderful person gave him the time of day even just for a little bit. Showed him what it was like to be appreciated. To live.
And then some stuff goes down and his mom crawls out from Hell to kill the girl and her family, so he kills her with a giant sandworm, but that's not important.
He goes on a search. For his father, for one, but also for himself. He finds his dad, is immensely disappointed to find that the guy is definitely homophobic, among lots of other things, and fails to find himself.
In fact, all he manages to find are little things. Things that remind him of that girl, and her family, and the way that when the light hit the windows at just the right time, it was like everything melted away and he could stand and be showered in light and colour and warmth and beauty. Even just for a moment.
So he goes back.
He goes back to the girl, and her family, and all their weird behaviours.
Those behaviours he missed so much.
Those people he missed so much.
That girl he missed so much.
His best friend. His only friend. His little sister, honestly, at this point.
And they're confused at first. A little scared, but who wouldn't be?
But that girl. She's not scared at all. She looks right at him and she hugs him. She cries, but the tears aren't sad, like they used to be. They're happy. And suddenly, there's this swarm of emotion inside him that says, "Oh, this. This is what you've been looking for. This is what it feels like to be loved."
And then he's crying, too. He's down on the ground, holding onto this girl as tightly as he can, but still so gently, as if the smallest slip would shatter the dream.
And then he's found it.
He's found himself.
He's found his family.
He's still learning. Still trying to figure out this whole "family" thing. But he's made a lot of improvements. For example, he doesn't always crave violence. Only sometimes. Same goes for drugs and sex!
They're helping him. Teaching him how to get past all of these things that he's starting to realize weren't because of him so much as his past. Showing him that, yes, he's made some pretty bad decisions, but he is still worthy of love.
Next thing you know, the girl's dad is showing him how to make a basic meal. The girl's stepmom is teaching him how to handle his emotions in healthy ways. The girl is walking him through her homework. Even the vanilla couple in the attic is teaching him things that he never would have learned without all of this love.
And he couldn't have asked for a better family.
And then it grows.
And suddenly, there's another part of him that's been hidden for so long.
The part that feels romantic love.
Not lust, like he usually felt. Love.
Not the familial love for that girl and her— their— family.
But something completely different.
So beautifully different that, even with everything he's learned, he still can't wrap his head around it.
But he wants to. So bad.
And he can't mess this up.
He will, just so you know. Several times, actually. But he's picked back up even more than he falls. And he's forgiven.
And, eventually, maybe he's loved.
Loved by his family.
Loved by that new addition.
And maybe,
Just maybe,
Loved by himself.
But enough about him. You'll hear plenty about him later, I assure you. Now, though, let's talk about her.
She's human. She's so wonderfully and incredibly human. The kind of human that spells out the difference between all that's wrong with people and everything that's so incredible. To him, at least.
Of course, she has her flaws. Take the situation with her father, for example. He's been struggling terribly with his health for years. On and off and on and off, home to hospital and home and back to the hospital over and over in one night, but she refuses to let him go. She refuses to face the horrifying truth. That reality in which her father is teetering on the edge every second of every day. She truly believes that if she can just do enough, that he'll stay with her. Like he always does. After all, he's never left her alone before. Why would he start now?
Her mother, on the other hand, gave up hope on her husband long ago. She was a strong Christian woman, though not strong enough to stick through the financial weight of her husband's treatments. She fled one night, divorce papers signed on the table for her daughter to bring to her dying father.
Needless to say, she no longer had much faith in her mother.
Not because her mother left her, but because her mother left her father.
When he needed her most.
When her father couldn't step in due to his health, her maternal aunt and her family stepped in. They raised her when her father was in the hospital, and she couldn't have been more grateful. She got along wonderfully with her little cousin, often babysitting when her aunt and uncle went out for dates.
And eventually, she's an adult. She goes off, with her best friend, and she lives with her in an apartment building in California. She goes to college, starts a Twitch channel. Then a YouTube channel. Does a few stupid streams, as a last ditch effort to raise money for her father's treatment. Next thing she knows, she's opening a merch shop, and she has a surprisingly wholesome community for Twitch.
And then her aunt is gone.
She goes to the funeral, back in New York, where she learns that her uncle is moving to Connecticut. A "fresh start."
And her father is going too. Separately, but he wants to stay close with his family.
She goes home. Everything is fine, for a while. She's still bringing in money for her father's treatment.
And then he starts slipping again.
And this time, it's worse. It's so much worse.
So she goes to Connecticut. She packs up everything and she goes to live with her uncle and cousin, as well as her new step-aunt.
And she finds out that they are living peacefully with two ghosts and a demon.
Hey, did I mention that part yet?
Yeah, that's probably important.