Chapter Text
New People
The new year was often said to bring a fresh start and new opportunities. Kudou saw it as the high before February depression kicked in. He celebrated regardless, having family members to see and money to give.
He hated Tokyo, it was too full of tourists for his taste, but that was where most of his family lived and it was easier to go there. It was a decent celebration, the food was good and he was able to talk to his cousin (who was more like a sister) without worry of interruption since there were was no work and others helped keep her kid busy. To his surprise, he had a small amount of fun.
He would be staying with his mother for the week and go back to Musutafu for work. The hardest part about it was that he had to continuously ignore his mother’s not-so-subtle comments about how little he made versus the rest of his family, who all worked desk jobs. He was perfectly happy with his job as a mechanic and made more than enough to pay his bills and put food on the table. But in his mother’s eyes, he was a failure.
To her credit, at least she hadn’t destroyed all his things like she used to threaten she would do if he chose his current career. She hadn’t even stepped foot inside his room, evidenced by the layer of dust covering everything. Somehow, that made him feel worse than if she had just thrown everything out. He felt suffocated by the memories the walls held, arguments echoing in his ears.
At around two in the morning, after hours of tossing and turning, he decided to drive around. He wasn’t a child anymore, he could leave and drive to wherever he wanted. Even so, something about doing so while at his mother’s house made him feel antsy, as if he was sneaking out and was expecting to be caught. Which wasn’t true. He was only being quiet out of politeness.
He walked outside to where his car was parked and quickly got in, then drove off without a destination in mind. He just needed the cool night air to blow away the memories, leave them behind until they became as blurry as the street lamps. Unfortunately, he had procrastinating filling up his gas tank and had to stop at a gas station not thirty minutes after leaving.
While there, he figured he might as well get a midnight snack and walked in the store. To his surprise, there was one other person there beside the cashier, which struck him as odd because his had been the only car there. A white haired man around his age who seemed to be worryingly thin. His baggy hoodie hung off his bony shoulders and when he lifted his arm up to grab some chips, the hoodie went up as well, revealing a chest so thin Kudou could see the outline of his bones. The man turned around and he was surprised at how vibrant and friendly his green eyes were. Despite the fact that his skin was so pale it was translucent and his pale pink lips were cracked to a point it made Kudou internally wince, he smiled.
“I’m sorry, did you want to get some chips as well?” he asked in a hoarse voice.
“Oh no, I’m still deciding.”
“Are you traveling?” the man asked, “Don’t worry, I am too. My brother convinced us all to take a vacation to Tokyo for the new year, but to be honest, he’s really overbearing.”
Kudou snorted. “Sounds like we have something in common. My mom cares way too much about my life. I just needed to escape for a bit.”
“You sound better than me. My sister-in-law and nephew are amazing, but I’ve had enough of my brother for the month. And it’s only the second.”
“Honestly, I’m tempted to leave too, but I have a sister and her kid who I actually enjoy spending time with. Still, the moment the fourth rolls around, I’m leaving like I said I would. She couldn’t pay me to stay there longer than I have to, and believe me, she’ll try.”
“She and my brother would get along,” the man remarked, “Anyway, where are you from? I live in Musutafu.”
“I do too. I’m a mechanic.”
“I used to be a teacher, but I had to quit.”
He wouldn’t lie and say he wasn’t tempted to ask about them, but the man clearly didn’t want to talk about it so he didn’t ask. Instead, he decided to ask about what he taught and got some very entertaining stories in return about his years as an elementary school teacher. While conversing, they formally introduced themselves, bought their snacks and headed outside.
If he was being honest with himself, Yoichi (as he preferred to be called) was very attractive, fun to talk to, and they both lived in the same city. He decided to take the chance.
“Yoichi,” he began, “can I have your number?”
“What for?” he asked, looking genuinely confused.
“Well, I’m hoping to be able to text you to ask when would be a good time to take you out to dinner.”
He blushed and pulled his phone out of his pocket.
“I would lo-” He cut himself off, suddenly looking horrified as he stuttered, “I-I-I-I can’t!”
He clutched the phone to his chest and ran away.
“Worst he can say is no, huh,” Kudou said to himself as he got in his car.
At least the weirdness of that memory helped him succeed suppressing the others.
The next morning, Kudou woke up to his nephew being a brat. Admittedly, Katsuki was only two, but that didn’t mean he had to like being woken up at seven in the morning by a screech of “I WANT IIIIIIIIIIT!” and tiny fists pounding the floor. With a sigh he got up and decided he might as well help. Technically, Katsuki wasn’t his nephew as his mother Mitsuki was his cousin, but with both of them being only children and around the same age, they had always been more like siblings. Katsuki was smart for his age but had inherited his mother’s temper.
He walked over to the kitchen, a burning smell forcing him to quicken his pace.
“What happened?” he asked as he took in the scene.
“Katsuki wanted the leftover mochi for breakfast and when I told him no, he threw a fit and me and Masaru were so distracted, we forgot about the food until it was too late,” Mitsuki said, glaring at the charred mess in the pot.
Seeing their eyebags and knowing the demon they had to deal with everyday, he couldn’t help but offer, “I can take Katsuki with me to pick up some breakfast if you want.”
The two parents looked at him gratefully, even as they told him he didn’t have to. He ignored that and went to get the tiny demon ready for a day out. It was certainly an ordeal, and he was once again convinced he was not equipped to deal with children his entire life.
Mitsuki handed him the keys to their car, saying that going through the hassle of taking the booster seat out wouldn’t be worth it, and they were off. He was originally planning on getting fast food and be done with it, but then remembered that the earlier burned breakfast also used up the last of their eggs.
“Hungwy,” was the first thing out of Katsuki’s mouth upon seeing they were at the store.
“And? Thanks to you, we burned up the last of the eggs, so now we have to buy more.”
It was then Kudou remembered that children did not listen very well to logic. Much like politicians, they only responded to bribes.
“Okay, fine, if you stop crying and go with me to the store, I’ll let you get some candy,” he said. Normally, he would be tougher, but he was too tired and hungry to put in the effort. Honestly, he wanted to start throwing a tantrum too.
It worked and he had to hope he would forget about it by the time they got to checkout. They grabbed the eggs with no issue but on the way back, a green-haired child came running out of the aisle in front of them and bumped into Katsuki, causing them both to fall down.
“Izuku!” a familiar hoarse voice called out.
Yoichi walked out of the same isle the child had run out of, panting slightly. He had changed his clothes to a well fitting red long sleeve shirt and black pants but that only made it easier to see how thin he was. Upon seeing him, Yoichi froze and two more people came running out. A green-haired woman and a man who looked like Yoichi if he was taller, had red eyes, shorter hair and actually had muscle and body fat.
“I’m so sorry,” the woman said to him as she rushed to the boy, “He isn’t normally like this. He just goes running at the sight of carrots no matter how many times we tell him he doesn’t have to eat them.”
“It’s fine, neither of them were hurt and my nephew has done worse things,” Kudou said, slightly distracted by Yoichi, who seemed to be trying to avoid him.
“Now Izuku, what do we say when we hurt people?”
“I’m sowry,” he apologized with a small bow.
In response, Katsuki pushed him.
“Katsuki!” he shouted then turned to the family, “I’m so sorry, he can’t really speak yet and only communicates through violence, something we are trying to stop,” he said, that last part focused on his nephew.
However, Izuku simply got up and pushed Katsuki over. Who got up and pushed him down. Rinse and repeat.
“They’re playing,” the woman cooed then turned to Kudou, looking slightly embarrassed. “I really am sorry for all that. My name is Shigaraki Inko, that’s my son Izuku, my husband Hisashi, and my brother-in-law, Yoichi.”
“We’ve met,” Kudou said before he could stop himself.
Inko looked confused for a moment before realization hit her and she turned to Yoichi. “Oh, is this the guy you told me about?”
Yoichi blushed and Inko realized her mistake.
“What guy?” Hisashi demanded, glaring daggers at Kudou.
“It’s fine Big Brother. We met at a gas station once, that’s all.”
“When? Where? Did you see anyone else? What happened?”
Kudou felt a bit awkward witnessing the interrogation but he couldn’t leave since Katsuki was still obliviously playing with Izuku. Sure, he could drag him out, but Mitsuki had been telling him about how much trouble he had socializing with other kids and he wanted to see if there was any way the two kids could keep meeting up.
“Hisashi! We have other things to do today,” Inko interrupted.
He backed off at her glare and Kudou took the opportunity to introduce himself.
“Since you already introduced yourselves, you can call me Kudou and that’s my nephew, Bakugou Katsuki. He seems to be getting along well with your son,” he began.
The two had gotten bored of pushing each other and were now playing with a toy Izuku had brought with him.
“They are. Izuku is rarely so open with other kids,” Inko agreed, already seeing where he was going.
“My sister is always telling me about how much trouble he has making friends and he gets along so well with your son that I think they should see each other more.”
“Yes, that sounds wonderful. Give me your number so we can arrange something.”
She had already pulled out her phone to exchange. She wasn’t normally so straightforward but she was different when it came to her son.
Kudou gave her his number and told her he would inform his sister of everything that happened and see if she agreed, all while stealing glances at Yoichi who stared back.
“Is that all?” Inko asked, snapping him out of his trance.
“Yeah, that’s it,” he said, forcing himself to look away from green eyes and cracked lips.
He wanted to say more, to talk to Yoichi and ask him as many questions as his brother did. But he didn’t. He thanked her, grabbed his fussy nephew, and headed to the checkout.
Of course the little gremlin remembered that he had been promised candy on the way out. He was happily eating the chocolate bar while surrounded by WcBonald’s takeout breakfasts for everyone on their way home. Kudou wasn’t happy about it, worrying that his nephew might feel rewarded for his earlier tantrum, but then again it wasn’t his job to parent. Still, he hoped Mitsuki wouldn’t be too mad at him for it.
The family ate their late breakfasts, some more compliant than others. Unfortunately, it wasn’t just Mitsuki and her family staying at the mansion. There was also his aunt and uncle, his grandparents, and of course, his mother.
“Was this all there was?” Sakura asked, unhappily picking at her happy meal.
Translation: Was this the best you could afford?
“Unless you wanted to wait until lunch, yes,” Kudou replied, trying not to sound angry. He failed at that.
“A down payment is sure to speed up your order.”
Translation: Bribe them.
He glared at her. “A down payment for a meal is ridiculous. What next, I should take out a loan for shoes?”
“You might have to with the way the economy is headed,” his aunt butted in, catching his mother’s attention.
While the two complained about the economy, Kudou took the opportunity to scarf down the rest of his food and get out.
Leaving the house after he just got back wasn’t a good look, but he never cared too much about appearance. That was his mother’s job. Memories threatened to bubble up and he pushed them back down as he drove off. He didn’t visit her for exactly this reason. It brought up too many bitter memories better left in the past.
He found himself on autopilot again but with a full tank of gas this time. His phone dinged, snapping him out of his trance, twenty minutes later according to the car clock. Considering he had nothing better to do, he pulled into the nearest parking lot, which happened to be a mall and headed inside, figuring he could check his phone while at the food court. He wasn’t too excited though, figuring it was his mother scolding him over text after his phone had dinged over five times. Once he sat down with the spiciest food he could find, he saw that it was all from a number he didn’t recognize.
Hi
Inko gave me your number
Its Yoichi
From the gas station
And the grocery store
I know this is weird but
Can we go out for dinner?
I know I turned tou donw
But thres a lot going on you should now if we dagte
Sorry for texting you so much.
The last message had been sent five minutes ago. Kudou stared at the string of messages, silently cursing himself as he realized they would all be marked as read now. Well, he was curious and in need of a distraction.
Sure. Do you have a place in mind?
Yoichi replied two minutes later.
Theres a American place I really like in Mustafar
The Three Eagles
He was pretty sure he heard Bruce talking about that place once. He couldn’t remember much, but he knew that if it was bad, he would have something to say about it.
Okay. When do you want to go?
When do u get home
His first thought was to say the fourth, since that was when he was planning on leaving. But if he was being honest, he didn’t want to stay in that suffocating house any longer. He wanted to go home.
I’m going home on the third. How does the fourth at 5:30 sound?
That works
He stared for a moment longer, waiting to see if Yoichi would text again. When he finished his food and still saw nothing new, he decided it was time to go back the house and tell everyone he was leaving. He would just fake a work emergency.
When he got home, he was told his mother had to leave for a work emergency of her own, so there was no big deal made out of his leaving. Other than his grandparents going on about how no one had time for family anymore. He thought about their words and decided Mitsuki should know why he was leaving.
“Ditching the family to go on a date. Are we that unappealing?” she teased.
He rolled his eyes and continued packing. He hadn’t told her about how he and Yoichi first met, only that he met someone who lived in his area and wanted to go on a date when they got back.
“Well, you are ugly- oof.” He got smacked with a pillow.
“Don’t come crying to me then if he turns out to be an axe murderer or something,” she jokingly scolded.
“You haven’t seen him. I don’t think he can even lift a hammer, much less an axe.”
She looked at him curiously, trying to imagine who it was he was dating. “You’ll tell me about it right?”
Mitsuki and Masaru were the only people in the family who knew anything about his love life because they were the only ones he trusted. He never told his mother he was gay, not wanting to deal with the tears as she realized she would not be getting the perfect life she had always imagined. Again. The first time it happened it was when his father walked out, then again when he told her he was a mechanic and didn’t want to work for her, and he was not looking forward to a third tantrum over her imaginary daughter-in-law and grandchildren.
He sighed. “Yeah don’t worry, I’ll tell you how it goes.”
New Date
It had been a while since Kudou last went on an actual date, where they sat down and got to know each other. He did occasionally go out but those were just precursors to hook-ups. His last date was three years ago, with his best friend Bruce. They broke up when he realized that dating wasn’t for him and went back to being friends. Bruce may not be in the dating scene, but he needed someone levelheaded to help him prepare for his first actual date in three years.
“All your clothes are stained. And when was the last time you washed your hair?”
Kudou glared at him. “Sorry Mom. Last I recall The Three Eagles isn’t the kind of place with a dress code.”
“Yeah, but it’s still a date. The least you can do is show up without grease stains and holes.”
“That’s my entire closet. And you better clean up the mess you made,” he added, gesturing to the clothes strewn on the ground.
Bruce waved it off. “Yeah, yeah, I went to preschool. But there’s gotta be something here you haven’t worn.”
“If I haven’t worn it, that’s because it’s ugly.”
Bruce hummed and continued to look through his closet, finally finding a box hidden away in the back corner. “What’s this?”
“Oh, I forgot about that. It was a birthday gift from Mitsuki. I liked it but didn’t want to ruin it.”
He could see why. A simple dark blue long sleeve and black pants, not something Kudou usually wore, but not a far cry from his usual style either.
“Wear these and try not to spill food on yourself,” Bruce instructed, handing him the clothes.
“I don’t-”
“Want to make a good first impression? But you’re right, don’t put these on first. You need to shower and brush your hair,” Bruce instructed, taking the clothes back and pushing him to his bathroom, shutting the door behind him.
Kudou arrived at the restaurant ten minutes early, glad to see it wasn’t crowded but it also wasn’t empty. He sat down and asked the waitress for an extra ten minutes until the other person arrived. Was Yoichi the type to show up five minutes early? Right on time? Late? He hoped he wasn’t going to get ghosted. Or maybe something would happen to him. With how thin he looked it wouldn’t surprise Kudou if he suddenly collapsed on his way out the door and had to be taken to the hospital.
Ten minutes later, he would realize that all his worried were for naught as Yoichi walked in.
“I’m not late, am I?” he asked as he sat down across from him.
Kudou rushed to reassure him. “No, no, I just got here early.”
They fell into an awkward silence. He tried to remember what actual dates were like when he realized something.
“So, what do you want out of this?” he asked.
He realized that he hadn’t even thought of sex when he accepted the date or while getting ready. He had enjoyed talking to Yoichi so much, he wanted to keep talking and spending time with him. It struck him that for once, if it turned out his date only wanted sex, he would be upset.
Yoichi looked away. “Well, I want to date you. But…”
He trailed off and while he was hesitating, the waitress came to take their drink order. Kudou ordered a coke, and Yoichi was content with the water.
“But?” Kudou asked after she left.
Yoichi hesitated, studying the red and white checkered pattern of the tablecloth. In times like this he thought, What would Captain Hero do? The right thing, which in this case, was to rip the band-aid off and just say it.
“I want to date you, but I only have a year to live,” he admitted.
Kudou leaned forward and whispered, “Someone put a hit on you?”
For the first time in weeks, Yoichi laughed. He tried to keep it down, but tears were forming in his eyes. He took a few sips of his water to calm down. “No, nothing as exciting as that. I just have cancer.”
“Oh. …Oh”
Now that the hardest words were out, Yoichi kept going. “It’s terminal and the doctors said I wouldn’t live past this December. I’m really sorry for putting all this on you and I completely understand if you want to leave.”
Instead of leaving, Kudou said, “You still haven’t answered my question. What do you want out of a relationship?”
“I want to be with someone I love. If I had more time… I want this to be like we’re dating to marry,” he admitted, more tears forming for completely different reasons, “I know it’s weird and selfish of me to waste someone’s time but I’ve always wanted to fall in love and get married, and even though I can’t get married I just want to love someone and know that if I had more time, I would marry them. If that makes sense,” Yoichi cut himself off there, too afraid of what else his nervous rambling would lead to.
Kudou nodded. “That makes sense to me. But why can’t you get married?”
Yoichi blushed. “There’s nothing saying I can’t, but weddings take a while to prepare, and we wouldn’t get to spend much time together, so it just doesn’t feel right for me to get married now, no matter how much we love each other.”
He hummed in agreement. “To make things clear, you want to be in a serious relationship?”
“Yes, and nothing less.”
“Okay."
The waitress came back asking about food. He ordered a regular burger and Yoichi got fries. Only fries.
For the rest of the meal, they moved onto lighter topics like books they read, which was mainly Yoichi going on about Captain Hero and Kudou nodded along, entranced by how happy he was when talking about it. Somehow the time flew by, and both had finished their meals. After a small argument over who would pay, they split the bill as a compromise and walked out of the restaurant together. Kudou wasn’t sure about how to end the date, but luckily, he didn’t have to. There was a park in walking distance that Yoichi wanted to go to.
The sun had gone down and a dusting of white had begun to fall. Every breath was mist and the harsh wind was an icy knife. He looked at Yoichi, who had a thick jacket on and felt stupid for not checking the weather before leaving. At least he was wearing long sleeves.
Yoichi looked over at him and smiled. “Do you want my jacket?”
“No, I’m fine.”
“You’re cold.”
“And you’ll be cold when you take that jacket off.”
But Kudou’s logic was no match for Yoichi’s will to have a shojo moment. He took his jacket off and practically shoved it into his arms.
“There. And if you try to give it back, I’ll just walk away and leave it on the street,” he threatened.
He had a feeling he wasn’t bluffing about that and reluctantly put the jacket on. It was a little tight around his shoulders but as long as he didn’t try to zip it, it was fine.
They made it to the park and sat down on a snow covered bench a little way away from the playground equipment. The bench where the moms sat and talked while their children tried to find new ways to die.
“I used to go to this park a lot as a kid,” Yoichi began as he faced the playground, “I take my nephew here now too, but I can’t go with him as much as I used to,” he turned to Kudou, “This was a really nice date, and I’d like to go on another one. But before we do, you should know the full story.
“I got sick a lot as a kid, to the point where I stopped going to the doctor because it was too expensive just to be told I had the flu. I’d get over it, feel better for a few weeks, and then get sick again. Even as an adult it still happened, so I didn’t question it when I suddenly felt really sick. It got worse and worse, and I still ignored it, even when I was coughing up blood. Until I was invited to my brother’s house for dinner and coughed up blood all over the table and passed out.”
Yoichi was trying to sound put together, but the more he thought about the events that led up to this, the more tears stung his eyes. His voice wavered and cracked as he spoke, “Big Brother took me to the hospital, and they did some tests. I had sta-stage three lung cancer. I never smoked,” he wailed, the stinging tears tracing a warm path down his face. His throat stung and his chest was beginning to hurt. “I never, I’ve never touched a cigarette or anything like that.”
He wanted to explain more, that it was his mother who had smoked until she died from an overdose. How no one at the hospital had believed him and kept telling him to quit denying and how one nurse had told him that if he didn’t quit smoking then he deserved to die. How he did everything he was supposed to do and nothing worked, and it progressed, and they all blamed him for it. How guilty he felt for giving up.
But the words wouldn’t come as he broke down and cried, wiping his nose on his sleeves. He felt something warm and soft drape over his shoulders and saw that Kudou had draped his jacket back over his shoulders, now warmer than when he had worn it. He cried harder, losing track of time as he leaned into Kudou’s warmth.
“It’s snowing harder,” Kudou said eventually, noting the furious fall of flakes. The light dusting was beginning to turn to heavy piles perfect for snowball fights and forts.
Yoichi pulled away slightly, his tears had run dry, but he felt too comfortable to move earlier. “I guess it’s time for me to go home then.”
“Do you need a ride home?” Kudou asked, helping him up.
His first instinct was to deny it since he had walked, but he was so tired. He nodded and they walked back to the restaurant parking lot where the car was parked. Maybe it would have been quicker to walk home. Then again, he wouldn’t get to spend time with Kudou. They didn’t talk, but his presence was comforting.
“You have a nice car,” Yoichi complimented, not just as a formality but because it really did look nice. He wasn’t as knowledgeable as his brother on luxury brands, but he knew enough to know that it definitely wasn’t something his mother could have afforded even if it was used.
Something seemed to darken in Kudou’s eyes. “It was a gift,” was all he said.
“It’s still very nice,” Yoichi insisted, wondering who could afford to give him such a gift.
Again, they didn’t talk on the drive home, aside from Yoichi giving the occasional direction. If Kudou found the short drive odd, he didn’t say anything. Not about the short drive or the obscenely ornate two-story house he arrived at.
As Yoichi slid out of the car, he realized that they never agreed on anything regarding future dates. He turned around to ask, but just as he opened his mouth, the front door flew open, and his brother came rushing out.
“Yoichi, why are you still out here? You’ll catch a cold,” Hisashi shouted.
He still didn’t move, trying to think of something to say, but the embarrassment kept him frozen as his brother grabbed his arm to drag him away.
“Goodnight,” he called out, wondering if Kudou heard him as he drove away.
He half-listened to his brother’s spiel on how irresponsible he was and how if it wasn’t so late (it was eight) he would be getting a longer lecture and told to go to bed. Normally, Yoichi would stay up out of spite, but he was exhausted this time.
His phone dinged while he brushed his teeth, and to his surprise, it was a text.
Are you free next week?
One text conversation later, Yoichi was peacefully asleep.
New Place
Yoichi did not want to go downstairs and see his brother again. But he did want to see his sister and nephew, so downstairs he went.
Inko was still cooking breakfast and Izuku was babbling to himself as he played with the toys his uncle had bought him. Hisashi was sitting at the head of the table, watching his brother take his pills. He had insisted those be put in the kitchen so he could see for himself. That still wasn’t enough and when Yoichi sat down, he got up to check to the pillbox and make sure the Sunday box was empty. When he saw that it was, he smiled in satisfaction and refilled it for next week.
He noticed his wife had finished with the final touches on the meal and he helped her serve everyone. As usual, he gave Yoichi a serving that everyone knew was too much for him to eat. Even before the cancer, his appetite had never been the biggest, but after he ate about as much as his nephew did.
“So, Yoichi, how was your date?” Inko asked, ignoring how her husband stiffened.
“It actually went really well. I told him. About my cancer. And he was really good about it. We even have a second date planned.”
“Are you sure about this?” Hisashi asked, causing his wife to glare at him.
“I know how to take care of myself.”
“It just seems like you're moving too fast is all.”
“I’ll be dead in a year, fast is all I have,” Yoichi snapped.
He regretted those words as soon as they were out of his mouth because he knew what his brother would say next.
“You won’t if you start treatment again,” Hisashi said angrily, signaling the start of their eighth argument over this in five days. They had been arguing over this since Yoichi made his choice two weeks ago.
“In case you forgot, I am doing immunotherapy, like you wanted.”
It had been a suggestion from his new doctor to help with symptoms and Hisashi had been the one to persuade him to try it.
“Well, I changed my mind since it didn’t work.”
“I’ve only had it done once and the cancer is terminal anyway, so don’t act like you can cure me!”
“I’m not acting like anything! You’re doing this to yourself because you won’t start chemo again.”
“It’s not going to help, so quit bringing it up and LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!” Yoichi screamed, panting and wincing slightly as he felt a pain in his chest.
Izuku burst into tears after hearing that outburst, making Yoichi feel guilty.
“Bad enough you’re not trying to help yourself but at this rate, the only memories Izuku will have of you will be sad and angry.”
Without another word, Yoichi left before he could start crying too.
He went back to his room on complete autopilot, not realizing where he had gone until he sat on the bed and jolted back to reality, becoming aware of his surroundings. He hated that going up to his room like a child in trouble was his first reflex.
I want to get out.
It wasn’t the first time he’d had that thought, but he always ignored it. He had been living there for about two years, ever since he had to quit his job because of the cancer. Since then, he had to be completely reliant on his brother, something he had been trying to avoid his entire life. Now he lay rotting in bed, wondering if he would die alone there.
He bolted upright at the thought. There was no way in hell he was going to let himself die in his brother’s house.
He had to leave.
January eleventh, the day of his second date arrived and he still had no idea what he was going to do. He had spent the past week trying to figure something out with no results. Still, he wasn’t going to be late to the date he had waited for, so when the clock struck five, he got ready and left. This time, they were going to a restaurant that was far enough away he would need to take the train.
It was a fancy place, not to the point it required a dress code, but there would definitely be odd looks if one showed up in sweatpants. He noticed Kudou was sitting at a table again and checked the time on his phone to make sure he wasn’t late. It seemed he was simply the type to show up early.
“I didn’t keep you waiting, did I?” Yoichi asked as he sat down.
Kudou quickly shook his head. “No, no, you’re fine. I just show up early to everything. Drives people crazy.”
He chuckled and the conversation died down, no not down, it just died. He tried to think of anything else to say and ended up blurting out, “Am I supposed to call you by your first name now?”
“I think so, but I hate my first name, so just Kudou is fine for me.”
Yoichi did remember him saying that when they first met, but he thought that was just because he was a stranger then. He also realized he still hadn’t said what his first name was.
“Can I know what your first name is, since we’re dating now? I’ll tell you something about me” he offered.
“Okay, it’s a stupid reason anyway. My name is Kudou Kenji.”
That was… a surprisingly normal name. With how hesitant he was, Yoichi thought his parents had named him something along the lines of Raburai. It must have showed on his face because he explained.
“I went to a private school that had about fifteen kids in each year, from my very first year of school until I was off to college. When I was in elementary, Barbie was really popular and I was the only guy in the school that had a name remotely similar to it, so the jokes started. It was fine at first, but you know how cruel kids can be. By the end of the year, I hated Barbie and couldn’t stand to hear my own name or any nicknames.”
Yoichi didn’t say he was sorry, knowing how weird it felt. Instead he said, “That must have been terrible.”
“It was, but one of the good things about being an adult is that people will rarely say your first name, so it’s better now.”
“Does that mean you’re okay with me saying your first name, or…”
He felt his stomach churn at the thought. Maybe he wasn’t as fine he would like. “No.”
“Okay. Time to fulfill my end of the deal. Ask me any question, and I’ll answer,” he said, feeling a little nervous. He never broke any laws or anything, but that didn’t mean there weren’t embarrassing moments he wanted to stay buried.
Kudou didn’t need to think about it. “Do you have a bucket list?”
“Um, yeah. Why ask that?”
“Well, over the week I was thinking. Couples help each other out, right? I want to help you fulfill all the things on your bucket list while we’re together,” he said.
Yoichi wanted to feel happy about it but… “You’re not doing this out of pity are you?” he asked lowly.
“Helping you with your bucket list?”
“Dating me. I don’t want you to waste a year of life because you pity the poor weak cancer patient,” he spat. It was a thought his brother enjoyed putting in his head and the worst part was, he couldn’t even say he was wrong.
Kudou looked indignant at that. “If I pitied you, I wouldn’t date you. I suggested this because I want to make you happy, not because you have cancer, but because I want to make any man I date happy. If we had an extra sixty years, I wouldn’t be so pushy, but we don’t, so we have to fit everything into one year.”
“Are you able to do it?”
“I’m willing to try.”
Yoichi blushed, caught off guard by the sincerity of his words. He really meant it.
“Is it okay if I move in with you then? I-I want to lie and say it’s for the bucket list, but truth be told, I don’t want to die in my brother’s house, alone in my room,” he admitted, waiting for a glare and to be told he was selfish.
Instead he said, “Sure.”
January 18
Hisashi had not been happy about when he announced he was moving in with his boyfriend. Even Inko was caught off guard. But he was a legal adult, she argued, there wasn’t anything they could do about it. That didn’t stop Hisashi from trying to forbid him to leave and they got into a fight when Kudou came to pick him up. It ended with him slapping Hisashi after he grabbed one of his bags and threw it back in the house. Inko managed to get his attention by yelling at him, allowing Yoichi to run to the car with whatever he could carry.
Now he was in Kudou’s one bed two bath apartment, getting a very short tour.
“Right where we’re standing is the living room. To the left is the kitchen and dining room and to the right is a hallway. The first door is a closet, the second is the bathroom, and the third door is my- um, our bedroom which has another bathroom. And that’s it.”
Yoichi nodded and grabbed his bags to go unpack in the bedroom. It was clean, but a big part of that was because there wasn’t much that needed cleaning. A perfectly made bed and a nightstand with some charging cables and a lamp. There was a closet with clothes hanging, a dresser, and a door that he figured lead to the bathroom. Nothing else.
He chose not to comment on it, only expressing his admiration for the cleanliness as he began to unpack. The bag his brother threw back in the house was the one that held most of his clothes, which was why it had been so big. He figured he threw that one assuming there were important things that he would be forced to go back in and grab.
His medicine, books, and important papers had all been carefully put in the backpack he had been wearing. His phone and wallet were in his pocket and the other bag contained toiletries and a few pairs of clothes he managed to fit in, so he didn’t deem that important. He would just have to do laundry once every three days instead of once a week.
Kudou noticed the lack of clothes and he explained what had been in the bag, expecting some sympathy and nothing else. Again, he was surprised by his generosity as he offered his clothes to wear if he ran out. He declined but had a feeling that Kudou wasn’t going to forget that.
As they unpacked, Yoichi thought of something he had read once, about how you never realized how little you needed until it was time to move. Whoever said that was right, as he only had a single backpack and bag to unpack. Still, his boyfriend wanted to help.
“Where do you want the medicine?”
“Oh, you can throw that out. I don’t actually need those,” Yoichi said, resisting the urge to laugh at the look of confusion. “All of those are things Big Brother thinks will help, so I take them to make him happy, but they don’t really do anything for me.”
“All of these?” Kudou asked, realizing there were at least more than five different bottles.
“Well, you can keep the ibuprofen. I use that when the pain gets really bad. And anything that’s a gummy. I just like how they taste.”
“The pain?”
“The cancer gave me chronic chest pain, but the doctors just told me to take an ibuprofen if it got really bad. They’re worried I’ll get addicted if they give me any painkillers.”
“Are you in pain right now?” Kudou asked in alarm.
“Don’t worry, I’m used to it. I have my good days and bad days. It’s average today, so you really don’t need to worry.”
Kudou had a lot more questions but Yoichi didn’t seem open to talking about that subject any longer. Instead, he decided to switch to a different area of questioning.
“What’s this for?” he asked, holding out a mannequin head.
Yoichi somehow managed to turn even paler as he stuttered something unintelligible. Realizing that Kudou couldn’t understand him, he tugged on his hair. And it came off.
Underneath was close-cut white hair that made him resemble his brother more.
“Oh.”
“I’m sorry I lied to you,” Yoichi said, his grip tight on the wig.
Kudou blinked. He didn’t really think of it as a lie, especially because they had only known each other for about two weeks. It was just something he hadn’t told him yet.
“That’s okay. Do you sleep with that on, or do you need a place to put it?”
“I put it on the mannequin when I go to sleep so it doesn’t tangle. I guess I would have had to tell you anyway,” Yoichi added as an afterthought.
He nodded and placed the mannequin on his desk which he rarely used, so there was plenty of space. He would need to buy a nightstand for Yoichi.
The rest of the unpacking was uneventful and so was the dinner they had afterwards, just reheated leftovers. Though Kudou did notice how Yoichi kept checking his phone.
“It’s weird that Big Brother’s not blowing up my phone,” he explained after he asked about it.
“Do you think he’s hurt?”
“I know he’s fine. Inko would have called me if something happened and if she couldn’t, I would be called since me and Izuku are the only blood he has. He’s just sulking but the longer it takes for him to talk to me, the more I worry about what he’ll say.”
“I get that. Want a distraction?”
He sighed and put his phone down. “Sure.”
“Let’s talk about your bucket list,” Kudou said, holding out a notepad and pen.
Yoichi had almost forgotten about that. His brother was so focused on trying to find ways for him to live longer that nobody thought about fulfilling his last wishes.
“I’ve always wanted to meet the author of Captain Hero. And visit America. Especially New York, where all those superhero comics take place. And dye my hair and get a tattoo. I mean, I’ll be dead before I really start to regret it,” he added nervously.
Kudou internally winced at that last sentence, though that wouldn’t stop his curious mind. “What kind of tattoo?”
“I’ve never been able to decide on a design, but I want to get one. And the last thing is…” he cut himself off, turning red as he realized what he almost said.
“Is it something illegal? Because I’ll help you,” Kudou said seriously.
His seriousness on the subject was enough to make Yoichi laugh. “No, no, it’s nothing illegal. I’ve just always wanted to uh, do, uh, have, um… I want to try sex,” he blurted out.
His relationship with sex was complicated to say the least.
His mother was a prostitute, and when his peers found out, they teased him and his brother mercilessly. Hisashi easily scared them off, but they got sneaky with Yoichi who didn’t tell his brother out of fear for what he might do to them and had put up with it from middle school to the end of high school.
He would find notes that ranged from calling him names to threatening to leaving him bleeding in the school parking lot because “he enjoyed pain like his whore mother”. When they knew Hisashi wasn’t around, some would corner him and feel him up, repeating the threats from the notes. They would hand him graphic drawings and say that they thought he would like them since he was a whore too. Because of what they thought they knew about his mother, they treated him like a zoo animal, something to laugh and point at while not getting close.
He stayed away from sex because of that, but despite it all, he still found himself thinking of the romance novels he guiltily read, wanting his own partner to spend a passionate night with.
“Sex. Like right now?” Kudou asked nervously.
He shook his head rapidly, turning redder than his hair. “No! Um, not right now. I’ll, I’ll tell you when,” he stuttered, hoping he wouldn’t push for an explanation.
Kudou nodded and wrote it down, looking over the list. “So, meet the Captain Hero author, visit America (especially New York), dye your hair, get a tattoo, and uh, have sex,” he said, wondering why that made him nervous. It wasn’t like it would be his first time, but something about Yoichi made him feel as if he were hearing and seeing things for the first time through a completely different perspective.
“That’s it. Do you think we’ll be able to get through it all?”
“All that and more,” Kudou promised, “After all, a lot of things can happen in a year.”