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Mischa was hanging out in Noel's bedroom, like he used to do. Since they became boyfriends, they spent a lot of time together in the youngest boy room, it was like their safe place to be free and do whatever they wanted.
He was looking at Noel, he was sitting on his desk with his glasses on, writing again one of his poems about Monique Gibeau. Monique was a French hooker who lived in the 20's. Noel created this character a while ago, and he loved her a lot. He dreamed of living her life, even if that was very tragic.
That made Mischa think, while he was looking at his boyfriend, he started to think about what was the main reason Noel created Monique, he never told him about that.
"Poet" Mischa called him, he was sitting in his bed waiting for him to end writing and cuddling a little.
"Give me a second, darling." ends writing. "My attention is all yours, is everything okay?"
"Yeah yeah, I just... I was looking at you all concentrated in your poems about Monique's life, and a silly question has crossed my mind." Noel was looking at him with curiosity. "Why did you create her? Like, I know you've been writing about her for years, and you always said you wanted to live her life, but why? What made you think about all that? Why do you feel you will be so happy if you were her or you were like her?"
Noel was really surprised about his question, no one ever asked him about Monique's origin. He sighed, feeling a little anxiety in his chest. It was a really tough topic for him, and he has never been good at all at expressing himself with the words coming from his mouth. Noel walked to his bed, sitting next to Mischa, who was looking at him with careful eyes, waiting for his answer. He really wanted to know it.
"Well...my story with her is a little deep and delicate for my... — Mischa was listening with all his attention "when my father left me and my mom...when...when he left us, I knew it was my fault, he abandoned us for me." Takes a deep breath "when all of this happened, I was feeling terrible with myself, I hated me, I hated me for being a boy who likes other boys, I hated me for destroying my family, I really hated me for being different for all the other guys. I didn't like my life, so I wanted to create one so I didn't feel like a burden." stopped for a moment trying to find the perfect words "I'm pretty sure that you already know this, but Monique is a reflection of myself, if I wanted to be with guys, I needed to be a woman, not a little boy anymore. The reason she is who she is and does what she does is because I never believed that I deserved to be loved, I wanted to feel something, I was desperate to feel something, but it can't be love because I didn't deserve to be loved by someone. She is with a new man every night, and none of them really love her because I don't think I'm good enough to feel love. When my father left me, I thought I was a problem and no one would love me for being who I am. And I think that's her story, I just wanted to be someone else, and I didn't believe that the love was a thing for me".
Mischa kept looking at Noel, he saw some tears falling from his fragile eyes.
"Poet... " cleaning his tears with his thumb "Мій прекрасний і маленький поет, of course you deserve to be loved, you're kind and sweet... there's nothing wrong with you, you're just perfect the way you are, and I'm here to love you, I will love you to the end of my life" kisses his forehead and hugs him, the both are laying on Noel's bed, and Mischa started cuddling him.
"Do you really think so about me? Do you really love me in a genuine way?" He was feeling so insecure and little, he already knew his answer, but his anxiety is playing with him again.
"Of course I believe that you deserve to be loved, you deserve all the love of the world поет and I'm here willing to give it to you. I love you a lot, angel, you're the best person I ever met, you're the love of my life."
Noel hearing his boyfriend's words started to feel more comfortable, him with his arms around cuddling his hair was all he needed to be happy. Years ago, he didn't knew that the only thing he needed to feel happy and loved was Mischa Bachinski, his boyfriend. He started to fall asleep on his chest, and the only thing he said, was a love confession.
"I love you too angel, you're my safe place for the rest of my life."