Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

that day at the phantom realm, they decided to play board games. first, Aiden had a lot of luck in Monopoly, and Tyler flipped the board. then they switched to codenames. Logan gave Ashlyn and Taylor pretty good clues, but Tyler seemed to be struggling with the game. or perhaps he was struggling to focus on the game when Logan sat by his side.

“Batman, two,” Logan said. They had to more words to win. Taylor leaned over the words to observe them, but as soon as she was about to tell Ashlyn what she wanted to press on, a loud sparking sound came from outside the bus they were on. 

Ashlyn immediately got up to check it, her friends following along. 

the first thing they noticed was the lights they hung on the walls. or, to be exact, the lack of them.

“shit,” Aiden said. 

“yup,” Taylor answered.

Ashlyn made sure everyone had their weapon, then made a decision. “alright, guys. we’re going to climb the wall and see if the phantoms can get to us. if they can, I’m going to need Logan, Taylor, Tyler, and Ben to hold them back. Aiden and I will fix the lights. Aiden, try not to jump off the wall again.” 

Aiden saluted jokingly. “yes, ma’am.”

Ashlyn managed not to roll her eyes. 

“Ashlyn! I think I found a way to climb!” Taylor called her from up. Taylor showed her knives. “I put them in the weak part of the wall to climb! and I have a rope!” 

“That’s great! help Logan up first,” she ordered. Taylor nodded and followed the instructions. soon after that, all of them were up on the wall. 

but the phantoms were doing something that made her heart drop.

“Are they…” Taylor said.

“creating a human ladder? yeah, I think they are.” Tyler replied.

“don’t you mean a phantom ladder?” Aiden asked. no one bothered to shut him up.

“They’re climbing way too fast!” Tyler said. “Logan, can you shoot them down?”

Logan was already aiming his gun at the creatures. “on it.” 

Ashlyn and Aiden moved just as Logan shot his first shot. Aiden tensed, but Ashlyn didn’t say a thing. they needed to hurry.

They got to the first light, not too far away from the rest of the team. 

“Okay, do you remember how the lights work? I assume you’d know that since you bought it,” she said. Aiden nodded, he opened one of his pockets to find tools. 

“Why do you- never mind, just hurry.”

“I would, but it seems like it’s a problem with the generator. the wiring is probably damaged or it’s an overload.”

“why the fuck do you know so much about it?” 

Aiden shrugged. “I’m a man of many talents.”

“Well, it can’t be an overload, since the generator is basically new every time we come back. so it’s an issue with the wires?”

“Probably, yeah.”

“so we need to climb back down?” 

“Well, I don’t see any issue with the lights, so yeah.”

Ashlyn sighed and held Aiden’s hand. he looked at her with a puzzled look. 

“so you don’t jump again,” she explained.

“I won’t.”

“believable.”

“They just keep coming!” Taylor yelled so Aiden and Ashlyn could her. “did you fix it yet?”

“No, but I figured out the problem!” Aiden yelled back. “just hold them while we fix it!” 

“Hurry!”

“No shit!” 

Ashlyn let go of Aiden hand to release the rope they used to climb to get there, but Mr. Durable took his chance and jumped once again.

“For fuck’s sake,” She cursed while going down the rope.

when she got down, Aiden was already on his knees, working.

“Alright,” he explained, “I replaced the severely damaged cables, now I just need to use insulation tape for minor damage and check the other connection before testing it.”

the timing wasn’t great, because just as he was done talking a phantom managed to pass their team’s defense. 

Ashlyn stabbed it and kicked it, the knife in her shoes resulting in more damage. “hurry up! I got this!”

Aiden nodded and got back to work. 

 more and more phantoms were coming. Ashlyn managed to hold them back, not daring to look up at her friends. 

“done!” Aiden yelled and ran the test. blinding lights came from everywhere. Ashlyn heard a few shots that almost immediately stopped and the rest of the team got down to help her.

“We’re here!” Taylor panted, running towards Ashlyn. 

Ashlyn made the mistake of looking at her. the phantom took his opportunity and jumped on Ashlyn, tearing her throat. tears fell from her eyes, and hot stings of pain stopped her from screaming. She wondered if it would kill her. She wondered how much it would hurt. she wondered if any pain was greater than this.

Ashlyn woke up in her bed, still shaking with panic she carried with her from the phantom realm. the pain from the attack stung her throat. she hoped sleeping it off would be enough. She was somewhat relieved and calm when she unlocked her phone to see the group chat actively texting. the twins announced they were okay and asked Ashlyn how was she, and Ashlyn confirmed that as well. Logan did, too. Ben joined the conversation in a few minutes, and that’s when they noticed Aiden’s absence. 

Aiden was usually the most talkative. He often had trouble sleeping, so he would text the group chat as if he was scared of being alone. Ashlyn noticed and decided to stay up for a while, just so Aiden would have someone to talk to.

For some reason, Aiden was more sharing at night. she never noticed it, but Aiden rarely talked about things that bothered him. Even when she was at his house and saw his old pictures when he partially admitted he was depressed, he played it down so smoothly that she rarely thought about it again. until she had her first real conversation with him.

she asked what was wrong, why couldn’t he sleep. He said he rarely sleeps well, he had sleeping pills for it but Ben had them locked away from him because he didn’t trust him. Ashlyn understood what he meant, even if it wasn’t said. She decided to stay up every night to talk to him. sometimes Ben was up, or Aiden fell asleep so she got to sleep as well. 

One time, she accidentally caught Ben bandaging Aiden’s self-inflicted cuts. It was a mess. Aiden was panicking, he looked shameful and scared. She didn’t want to see him like that again.

the entirety of the last few nights went through Ashlyn’s mind as she read Tyler’s text.

Tyler

where’s the psycho? he’s the first to text usually

Logan
I’m sure he’s fine, right? @ you do you know anything?

you
why ask me? Ben lives with him.

soon Taylor spammed the group with her tagging Ben and sometimes Aiden himself. neither of them responded. 

Ashlyn thought she must be overreacting. maybe both of them were okay. maybe Aiden’s phone broke and Ben fell asleep. maybe the phantom realm exhausted Aiden into sleeping.

but she knew it couldn’t be true. she spoke with Aiden on the phone just a few minutes before midnight and even if he was asleep, he would immediately wake up in the real world and would say something. 

Taylor said she’d try to call Ben, just to tell him to look at the group chat. 

why wasn’t any of them replying?

Ashlyn thought back to the phantom realm. did Aiden seem strange? he was a bit quiet. she didn’t notice it at the time, because they were all so tired and quiet. but never Aiden.

His jumping off the wall wasn’t weird. it was concerning, and he was way too calm and quiet when they were up there. 

well, he was strange at the phantom realm today. but why? What can she do about it?

and then she received a message from Ben.

Ben
I went to check on Aiden and he isn’t replying.
his door is locked.

shit. 

Ashlyn quickly got up. she fell asleep in her clothes, so she didn’t waste any time wearing something warm.

she knocked at he parent’s door. “Mom, Dad?” she ignored the burning pain in her throat. She hoped the roughness in her voice could pass as her getting sick or something.

“What happened?” Emma opened the door for her.

“I don’t really know, but something’s wrong with Aiden.” she said. “can we go?”

“of course, can you just tell me why you think so on the way?”

Ashlyn nodded. She didn’t want to violate Aiden’s privacy, but she was convinced he was in danger. 

her dad drove them there, and as soon as the car stopped Ashlyn got out of it and ran towards Aiden’s room. She found Ben there, not knowing what to do. 

“Aiden, open the damn door!” she yelled. no answer. 

“move over, kid,” Mike said. he kicked the door open. 

Emma moved in front of Ashlyn and Ben, so they wouldn’t see what was going on. but they were worried and it was too late, despite her effort, they both still saw Aiden’s lifeless body on the floor, holding a pill bottle in his hand.

Chapter Text

 “Emma, help me with the kid. Ashlyn, call an ambulance. now.” Mike sounded terrified, yet somehow stable. Ashlyn’s mom rushed to help him and Ashlyn dialed 911. She gave them the address but couldn’t stop her voice from shaking as if she were on the verge of tears. 

“My friend overdosed on his medication. I think those were sleeping pills,” Ben nodded in support, and Ashlyn breathed deeply. “We’ve been talking about his, um, depression for a while because I noticed he needed help but I didn’t think he would do something like that.” Ben raised an eyebrow, Ashlyn guessed Aiden hadn’t told him about their late-night talks. 

“It’s okay,” the 911 operator said, “Help is on the way. does he have any family members to come with him?”

Ashlyn looked at Ben, who shook his head, telling her he couldn’t go.  “Only his cousin, but he can’t talk. my dad is here, I think he wants to go.”

“That’s great,” she said, and Ashlyn realized it didn’t really matter. The operator was just trying to calm her down. “can you tell me how old your friend is and how he had access to the pills?”

“He’s sixteen, he has insomnia and had prescribed pills. his cousin usually keeps it away but I don’t know what happened.”

“Help is almost there. what about his parents? Are there any problems at home?” 

“his parents are away on a business trip.”

Ashlyn heard the sirens before the operator said “Help has arrived at your location, I hope your friend will be okay.”

“thank you, me too.” and she hangs up.

Ben stayed with her in the house, not willing to see Aiden being taken away. a few minutes later Emma came back.

“Come,” she said. “I’ll take us there.”

Ashlyn sat next to her mom and Ben sat in the middle back seat. “Are you kids hungry? we can go and buy Aiden’s favorite food so he can have it when he wakes up.”

“That’s a great idea, mom,” Ashlyn said. “I think his favorite food is pizza. right, Ben?” 

Ben typed something in his text-to-speech app.
“ yeah, it is. but wouldn’t it get cold? maybe we should get him some after he wakes up.” 

“Okay,” Emma said. “So, how are you doing? it must be hard for you.”

“I didn’t think he would do that,” Ashlyn admitted. “I knew he had a hard time, but I guess I didn’t realize how much he downplayed it.”

“Your dad and I noticed, too. we had friends who were dealing with a lot since they used to be soldiers. Ben? What about you?”

“ I don’t know.” his app said. there was a pause for a while then Ben typed again. “ I wish he would’ve just talked to me. I know what it’s like, and he knew that.”

“Aiden has a tough time talking to people about serious things.” Ashlyn pointed out. both her and Ben’s phones sounded a notification. 

“your friends must be worried. talk to them.”

Ashlyn read the group chat.

Logan

Aiden’s house is close to mine and I heard sirens from there. is everything okay?

@ you @Ben

Ashlyn and Ben exchanged knowing looks, and then Ashlyn typed in.

You
I don’t want to say much right now, but Aiden’s currently in an ambulance with my dad.

Taylor
OH MY GOD, WHAT HAPPENED IS HE GOING TO BE OKAY?

Ben
we don’t know anything yet. we’re on our way to the hospital tho

Tyler
what did the psycho do?

Taylor
don’t let him fool you he’s actually worried and on the verge of a panic attack

Tyler
count your days Taylor.

Logan

since we aren’t getting any sleep tonight, do you guys wanna have a sleepover?

Ben
that’s a great idea. you can come to our house, the key is under a fake plant. 

Taylor
I’ll tell our mom and we’ll be on our way!

Logan
thanks, Ben
I hope Aiden gets better soon
It’s weird not seeing him spam the group chat

Ashlyn put down her phone.

“so? How did they take it?” Emma asked.

“We didn’t tell them why,” Ashlyn said. She noticed Ben putting his earphones in, trying to distract himself. she thought it was a good idea, so she looked around her seat to find her headphones and put on some low-volume music. 

Her mother drove in silence. she didn’t realize she had fallen asleep until Emma shook her awake.

“we’re here,” she said. Ashlyn stretched while her mother moved to wake Ben up as well.

After a few minutes of getting lost and Emma being on the phone with Mike, they finally found the correct place. 

Mike greeted them absentmindedly in the waiting room, his eyes showing concern to the kid he came there with.

“They’re going to move him to the Intensive Care Unit in a while for monitoring,” He said. “He should wake up in a few hours.”

“and his parents?” Ashlyn asked, “They’re on their way, right?”

Mike stayed silent. Ashlyn had a hard time understanding the feelings displayed on his face. he was angry but also somewhat sad. 

“What did they say?” Emma asked.

“They said…” Mike paused, “They said he made a mistake, and they should not pay the price for it. They’ll pay for the hospital bill but… they’re not coming. They sounded like the kid - their son - snuck out of the house for a party rather than attempted suicide! ”

Ashlyn knew that’s what he did, she saw it. but she couldn’t put these words next to her memories of Aiden. he was always so cheerful and loud, if she hadn’t talked to him those nights she would’ve never believed it. 

But they were there in that situation.

this is happening. 

“I’m going to get coffee. Does anyone want something from the cafeteria? Ben?” Mike said eventually. Ben had been awfully quiet, and not just because he couldn’t talk. Ashlyn almost forgot he was there. Mike left immediately after they all answered.

“I’ll go check up on Aiden,” Emma got up from her chair, not willing to sit and do nothing. “you kids stay here.”

Ashlyn nodded as her mother walked away. “what’s wrong?” she asked Ben, and he raised an eyebrow and showed her his phone.

Do you mean besides Aiden’s attempt? 

“yeah,”

Ben sighed. apparently, Ashlyn was immune to sarcasm. he typed something on his phone again, then deleted it, then typed again and deleted that again.

Ashlyn didn’t lose patience. she waited until he finally found what he wanted to say.

I feel so useless. maybe if I could talk things would've been different.

“This isn’t your fault, Ben,” she tried her best to comfort him but cringed at herself. “Aiden decided to do that on his own, nothing you did could’ve caused that. besides, you were a reason for him to keep going. you love and take care of him, he’d never blame you.”

Thanks. I’m still worried, though.

“Me too. but it’s Aiden, he’s ‘Mr. durable’. right?” 

Ben nodded.

“We can watch a show on my phone meanwhile if you want,” Ashlyn awkwardly suggested. “Aiden recommended it to me a while ago.” 

what show?

“Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles,” she said, “I think it’s the 2012 one.”

Ben smiled. It used to be Aiden’s favorite show as a kid. or maybe even now.

Ashlyn nodded. She could imagine a little Aiden chasing Ben with improvised nunchucks. 

“He looked horrified when he made a reference and I didn’t understand it so he didn’t stop yapping about that show until I watched it. It’s not really my type of show but… I feel like I understand him better now. Like I got a peak into his head, you know?”

Ben nodded. 

She played the finale of Season Two, the first part. She waited until she had enough time to watch both parts so she wouldn’t have to stop at the best parts.

So, they watched it silently.

***

Time passed quickly. Mike returned and brought Ben and Ashlyn their coffee so they wouldn’t be as tired. Emma kept checking the situation every few minutes. a few hours later Aiden was transferred to the Intensive Care Unit and Mike decided to stay with him. 

“C’mon kids,” Emma gestured for them to come with her, “we’re gonna go home, I’ll come to replace your dad soon.”

Ashlyn just nodded. it was early in the morning and since it was summer break, they didn’t miss school. Ashlyn tried not to focus on the thought Aiden might have planned it so they didn’t miss school because of him.

in the car, Ashlyn remembered something. “Can we go to Aiden’s house? The others slept there.”

“Will you kids be okay alone?” She asked.

Ashlyn nodded. “We’ll try to get some sleep.”

***

They did not get any sleep.

as soon as Ben knocked at the door, they heard their friends yelling and running towards that door. Taylor opened it, and they were stormed with questions.

“Why is Aiden in the hospital?” repeated so many times, Ashlyn decided to answer it first.

“Can we just sit for a moment, then we’ll tell you everything?” Ashlyn calmed them. Taylor nodded and they all sat on the ruins of their sleepover.

Ashlyn took a deep breath. “I don’t know if Aiden would want us to tell you,” She looked at Ben for support and he nodded for her to continue, “Aiden attempted last night.”

She knew that just like she knew something was wrong that night when Aiden wasn’t replying, they knew the truth. Before anyone said anything, Ashlyn kept talking. “He should be in the ICU for monitoring in a while.”

“When is he coming back?” Logan asked quietly.

“He should be back in a few days,” Ashlyn replied. “We found him in time.”

“That idiot better never do it again.” Tyler’s words may sounded harsh, but he didn’t even look at them. He tried to hide it, but at the last word, his voice broke, his hand looking for Logan’s to hold onto.

eventually, they decided to take it easy. Tyler and Logan sat on the sofa, snuggled together despite the heat. they started watching some sort of show Tyler wanted to watch for a while, but soon they turned the TV off and Logan started yapping to him about astrology.

Taylor and Ben wanted to get a start on the summer worksheets given to them by the math teacher. They offered Ashlyn to work with them and she agreed because she knew she needed the distraction. she needed something to occupy her mind. a math problem instead of a real-life one. She tried to find Ⅹ , it instead of thinking of Aiden. of how miserable he looked. of his parents, unwilling to visit their son. 

Ⅹ was 0. She wanted to move on to the next exercise but suddenly remembered, just a few days ago, how Aiden complained about it.

they were having a nice afternoon at Ashlyn’s. some reading, some playing cards. Aiden wanted to check his answers with Logan. they were both good at math. Ashlyn was surprised, but Aiden was full of surprises, so it wasn’t that unbelievable. 

“ugh, what’s the point of all this if the answer’s gonna end up a Zero anyway?” Aiden smacked his head onto the table, startling Logan and making Ashlyn giggle to herself. he probably couldn’t hear it over the twin’s noise when playing Uno, but she knew Logan heard. he looked at her and smiled as if he knew something she didn’t. 

everything in this world reminded her of Aiden.

Chapter Text

Today was Aiden’s last day at the hospital.

“Excited?” Mike intended his smile to look more like a smirk, but he was happy for Aiden, too. Aiden was packed and ready to get his discharge papers.

“Nervous.” He usually never admitted that to anyone, but Mike did his best in the past few days to earn Aiden’s trust. To show him he was loveable. 

“It’s okay; you did great,” he assured him. Aiden knew he was talking about the psychiatric evaluation, which was hard for him. His parents weren’t there, and his aunt and uncle were out of town. But Mike was there. He held his hand, which made him feel silly but also helped to ground him. 

“Besides,” Mike continued, “you have nothing to be nervous about. your friends are waiting for you, but I can tell them to back off for a few days if you don’t feel like it.”

“No, it’s cool,” Aiden smiled a genuine smile. “I kinda miss them.”

Mike smiled. “they missed you too.”

Mike was called at the reception for the discharge papers, so Aiden listened to music. usually, he would listen to his chaotic playlist, which means it had every song he liked. ever. but now his fingers swiped past that and pressed on the playlist titled “Ashlyn Banner’s Playlist.” 

It had many Paramore songs, some Taylor Swift, and rock and 80s music. He clicked a song that sounded nice and let it play. Unfortunately, he had ADHD, which came with Audio Processing Disorder, so he had to look up the lyrics when he listened to songs. He found it easier to use Spotify since it had lyrics for most songs.

Aiden walked over to the hallway. it was mostly for visitors, but he figured he could sit there while waiting for Mike to get the discharge papers. He looked at the line, looking for Mike. he noticed him and sent him a small smile when he noticed Aiden was using the wired earphones he got him.

when he woke up Aiden was panicking. he also had nothing to fidget with, and he hated hospitals. the food, the smells, everything. but especially the sounds. he hated the beeping noise of the machines. 

Mike noticed, Aiden guessed raising Ashlyn made him aware of harming sounds. he bought him the earphones close by and got him his phone so he could listen to music and get his mind off everything. 

Aiden’s parents got him way more expensive headphones, but Mike’s meant so much more to him. he didn’t spend money absentmindedly. he noticed him. he helped him. he made Aiden feel seen and loved. his parents never did that.

Aiden didn’t pause the music when Mike got their bags and got in the car. Mike didn’t try to talk to him the entire ride home.

When Mike pulled over next to his house, Aiden took out the earphones. 

“I’m not supposed to tell you this,” Mike said as Aiden removed his seatbelt, “The kids are having a welcome back party at our place, just so you know. Ben’s waiting for you inside, he’s supposed to take you there.”

Aiden nodded, confused. “why are you telling me this?”

“so you don’t panic later,” he raised an eyebrow.

Aiden nodded again, this time acknowledging the advice. “good thinking. I probably will.”

Mike huffed. “alright, kid. don’t tell Taylor I told you!”

“I won’t!” he promised and got out of the car. he didn’t watch Mike drive away, but he knew he watched him to see if he got inside the house.

“I’m ho-” Aiden didn’t even have a chance to close the door behind him or finish the sentence when Ben wrapped him in a hug.

Aiden felt tears on his t-shirt and hugged Ben back. 

“Rude,” Aiden complained and laughed, tears in his eyes. happy tears. “You didn’t even let me finish the sentence.”

“You scared the fuck out of me.” Aiden tensed at his cousin’s raspy voice. Ben rarely talked, he hated his voice. But Ben didn’t want to let go. Aiden didn’t want to let go, either.

“Alright, I’m gonna take a shower. ‘pretty sure I stink.” Aiden joked.

“Yeah, you do.” 

Aiden was sure Ben stood outside the bathroom the entire time. Just in case. He smiled at that, that sad-and-happy-simultaneously smile he got familiar with. 

He decided to wear his favorite clothes: khaki cargo pants and a red hoodie. It wasn't just any red hoodie; it was the one Ashlyn liked borrowing from him. The only problem was that he couldn’t find it. 

“Ben!” he called. “Do you know where my red hoodie is?”

Ben walked into the room, showing him his phone.

I gave it to Ashlyn. She missed you, and I think it really helped her.

“My hoodie…” Aiden frowned jokingly, but couldn’t hide his smile. he grabbed something else from the nearest shelf instead.

Ben typed something else on his phone. 

I was just about to go to Ashlyn’s. You wanna come?

Aiden smiled, remembering what Mike had told him. “Sure. Just let me put on my shoes, I might be crazy but no way I’m leaving barefoot in this economy.”

Ben showed him his phone again. I don’t think that’s how you use that phrase, Aiden.

“I don’t care, Let's go!”

On their way there, Aiden knew he was supposed to fill up the silence. that was what they usually did. but Aiden was too nervous. 

What if Ashlyn’s gonna be mad at him? She tried to help him so many times only for him to be ungrateful and try to kill himself. 

and the others didn’t know. are they gonna be mad, too? Will it be weird between them now? Are they going to treat him like a little kid that needs babysitting, or an injured animal? 

what if they’d say they can’t be friends with him. that he’s too much trouble? 

what if they ask about it and it would be too much for him? Tyler would be insufferable if he saw him cry.

before he knew it, they were already at Ashlyn’s front porch. before they even got up the stairs, Ashlyn opened the door for them. usually, she was nonchalant and had an emotionless face. but today, she looked at Aiden with the widest smile. Aiden felt his cheeks go red as Ashlyn spoke.

“Hi Aiden, Hi Ben. Taylor asked for you in the kitchen for a second.” Ben looked at him as if asking him if he’d be okay without him. Aiden nodded in recurrence. 

Ashlyn stepped outside and closed the door behind Ben.

“Well,” she said. “you look like shit.” that made Aiden giggle. 

“Really? you could tell?” he pretended to be offended.

“Are you okay?” she asked, softly this time. she leaned against the front porch and Aiden did the same. 

“I’m sorry.” Aiden looked away. he didn’t want to see her get mad at him. he choked on a sob, and hoped Ashlyn didn’t notice.

“Hey, no, don’t be,” she panicked. She did notice. “Aiden, you have nothing to be sorry about. Please believe me when I say it.”

“Really?” he wiped away his tears with his palms and looked at her back. “but- but you did s- so much for me and I just… I just threw it away. How can you not be mad at me?”

Ashlyn looked conflicted. She got closer to Aiden, stepped back as if she wanted to do something, and regretted it. 

Then, she got closer again and hugged him. She clung to him as if he were her anchor. Aiden wrapped his arms around her in comfort.

“Aiden, we’re not mad at you. we’re mad at ourselves.” She said through sobs. “ you needed help and we didn’t see it, please forgive us. I can’t imagine a world without you. I cried to Taylor every morning when I didn’t see you and your annoying smile every day since you’ve been in the hospital. you matter. you matter so much, and you can’t even see it. you bring so much happiness to our lives, Aiden. to my life.”

How could that beautiful, pure, person find him loveable? How could she try and save him? How could such a beautiful soul look at him and say all those nice things about him? And he could do nothing but hold onto her hug for dear life and cry.

“You’re going to be okay, Aiden,” she whispered. “I got you.”

“Ashlyn, Tyler asks what’s taking so lo-” Logan stopped mid-sentence when he saw them. “Are you guys having a moment? I can come back later.” 

They both let go of the hug. Aiden quickly wiped his tears and coughed. “It’s fine. We’re just about to go inside, right?”

“yeah,” Ashlyn replied.

“Okay…” Logan walked back in.

Ashlyn and Aiden exchanged an awkward look and chuckled. They made eye contact, and just for a moment Aiden thinks he’s glad he’d failed. He has something to live for.