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If he opened his eyes Thomas could see his hands shaking. If he closed them again he could pretend he didn’t feel it. Things go away if you can’t see them. If he ignored it for long enough it would stop.
It didn’t. He exhaled quietly, his eyelids flying open. He wished it was darker. It was in the middle of the night, but he could still see the outline of the Scorch, and instead of making him feel safe that he could spot potential threats it made him feel angry. It was a constant reminder of what he was going through, and he didn’t want to remember.
For once he didn’t want to remember.
“You okay, Tommy?”
Thomas turned toward Newt who was sitting a bit away so that he could have a better view of their surroundings. His voice, although hushed, had been eerily loud in the silence. He was watching him.
Thomas cleared his throat. “Yeah, I’m fine.”
Newt tilted his head ever so slightly. “You’re shaking.”
Thomas swallowed thickly and averted his eyes. “Yeah, I know.”
He heard Newt shift a bit. “Are you cold?”
Thomas shrugged. “I guess.”
They both eyed the pile of burnt wood that had once been a fire. They didn’t speak for a while, and Newt went back to watching the Scorch.
Thomas rubbed his eyes. “Wanna switch?”
“My shift’s not over yet.”
“I know, but… It’s not like I’m sleeping anyway.”
But Newt didn’t leave when Thomas sat down next to him, but remained sitting, still gazing over the dark land. Thomas nudged him.
“Sleep.”
Newt shook his head. “I can’t.”
“I don’t mind-”
“No, I mean, I can’t.” Newt leaned forward, his elbows resting on his knees. “You’re not the only one who can’t sleep, Tommy.”
“Oh.”
A sudden rustling behind them made them both turn back in alarm only to see Minho sitting up, looking wide awake.
“There’s no point in pretending now,” he said, standing up and walking over to them. “Might as well come clean.”
They sat together in silence, Newt and Minho on either side of Thomas; making him feel safer than he’d had in a very long time. It scared him how good it felt to be with them. Anything good could be taken away from him, but he’d never let them take Newt and Minho away. He wouldn’t allow them.
He leaned into Minho almost automatically, their shoulders bumping and warmth seeping through Minho’s shirt. Thomas saw them both look at him, asking him a silent question, and he replied by pulling Newt closer as well.
Newt laughed quietly as Thomas held him close. “Why so affectionate, Tommy?”
Thomas shrugged, feeling his face heat up, but not in an overly unpleasant way.
The night was still, and Thomas could almost count every breath the other Gladers took. The air felt thick, as if a storm was coming. If there was something Thomas missed about the Glade it was the safety that its nights provided them. It was at least safer than the Scorch.
“What if we don’t make it?” Minho’s question had come out as barely a whisper, but there was a steadiness in it. A steadiness that showed that Minho was perfectly capable of handling the truth, but Thomas wasn’t sure he wanted to give it to him.
“We will,” he replied, slightly too loud. “I know we will.”
Newt’s hand found Thomas’ back. “Tommy.”
Thomas shook his head. “We will. Even if…even if we die. We’re not going back to WICKED. If we die far away from them, we’ve made it.”
Thomas knew that that wasn’t what Minho had meant, but neither of them commented on it. Instead, Minho leaned into him as well, their cheeks almost touching.
Thomas didn’t remember if he’d ever kissed anyone before, but he could imagine how it felt. Soft lips grazing his, a warm tongue finding his, their breaths mingling and noses almost colliding. He didn’t know if these were memories. He didn’t even know why he was suddenly thinking about it. All that he knew was that he’d realized just how close Newt and Minho were, and he couldn’t ignore it now.
Minho noticed his breath hitching and turned toward him. “You okay?”
Thomas exhaled slowly. “I’m fine.”
“You keep saying that,” Newt cut in. “but I never believe you.”
Thomas let his eyes roam over the desert. “I was just thinking about how many experiences I can’t remember. So many first times. I might never get them back.”
The others were quiet for a few seconds, until Newt finally said, “I guess we at least have the chance to recreate them. It doesn’t count if we can’t remember them.”
Thomas saw Minho turn excitedly toward Newt from the corner of his eyes. “That’s actually pretty cool. See, this,” He pointed to the general air around them. “is our first field trip on our own.” Thomas and Newt snorted. Minho continued. “This is great. Quick. Think about more things.”
“This,” Newt started, dragging the word out as he pondered. “is the first time we actively go against WICKED.”
Minho pointed at him. “Yes! Thomas, your turn.”
Thomas shook his head. “This, uh-”
“Faster, Thomas, we don’t have all night.”
Thomas felt his mind go blank. “This is the first time I feel completely at ease since getting here.”
There was a brief pause. “To the Scorch?” Newt asked.
“Yeah. I know it’s stupid to let my guard down, but right now it feels like nothing can really hurt me. With you two-” He cut himself off, closing his eyes. “Nevermind.”
Minho nudged him. “We feel at ease with you, too, Thomas.”
Thomas didn’t reply, but he felt better when they scooted closer to him. A lot better.
“What are some things you want to experience?” he eventually mumbled. “You know, for the first time again.”
“I want to live in a house,” Minho answered immediately. “I don’t remember ever having done so, but it’d be nice.”
“I want to experience different food,” Newt said, smirking slightly. “I know there must be more than what we’ve tried so far.”
“I want to kiss someone,” Thomas admitted, unable to stop himself. He felt the other two looking at him.
“You think you and Theresa ever…?” Newt trailed off, but Thomas got the point.
“Honestly? No. I don’t.” Thomas sighed. “Frankly I don’t even know what we were before.”
The air felt more loaded than before, and Thomas knew that it had nothing to do with the incoming storm.
“I want to kiss someone, too,” Minho finally confessed, nodding to himself. “I think I’d be pretty good at it.”
Newt snorted before saying, “I wanna try it, too.”
Thomas felt as if he could reach out and touch the tension. He was breathing more heavily than before, and he was pretty sure the other two were as well. He swallowed thickly, not sure where to look or if he should even move.
Newt, like many other times, had the answer for him. His whole body turned their way; his gaze intense when Thomas turned to meet it.
“If we all want to-” he started, only to be cut off by Minho.
“-then we should try it with each other.” Minho had scooted so close that his breath hit Thomas’ neck softly when he spoke, making him shiver. “Oh, hey, Thomas likes the idea.”
“That’s not what I… But I’m not saying that I wouldn’t…” He trailed off frustratedly, knowing the amused expression that Newt was wearing probably matched Minho’s. “I wouldn’t say no to that,” he concluded, leaning back so that he could see them both.
He was happy to see that they were looking as nervous as he suddenly felt.
Nerves had a funny way of twisting your insides until you felt like you were about to throw up, which generally wasn’t a good feeling to have when you were about to kiss someone. Thomas exhaled slowly, not caring that is was audible in the silence. If Newt and Minho felt similarly to how he did right now, their beating hearts would be loud enough to block out everything else.
Minho made the first move by leaning closer to them, but then paused, as if uncertain. “I want you two to kiss each other first.”
Newt raised an eyebrow at that. “How come?”
“Because I wanna watch.”
Newt let out a low laugh. “Is that so?”
“Shut it and kiss Thomas.”
Thomas had never felt as flustered as he did in that moment when Newt provided him with his uttermost attention; eyes roaming over Thomas’ face, stopping more than once at his lips. It was now or never. Ignoring Minho’s gaze burning at his back, Thomas leaned in just as Newt did the same and their lips collided in a slightly harsher manner than they’d probably intended.
Boy was it everything Thomas had thought it’d be. Newt’s lips were softer than expected, and not even the forceful way he was kissing him could dampen that revelation. The force wasn’t a surprise however, because Newt had that sort of aura about him. That sort of roughness. Thomas wasn’t sure what to do other than attempt to match the way Newt’s lips moved. This was his first kiss, and the fact that it was Newt made it all more intimate, in a way. Even Minho breathing down his neck didn’t bother him. In fact, he became so enthralled that when that he let out a yelp when Minho’s hands grabbed his arms, spinning him around to press their lips together, but not before saying, “Quiet down, will you?”
Minho was gentler than Newt, surprisingly. While Newt had captured his lips almost hungrily, Minho was slower, careful. As if savoring the moment. Memorizing the feeling. The clash of characteristics made sense to Thomas, because he knew that his friend had a softer heart than he let on.
“My turn,” Newt cut in, pulling Thomas back so that he could replace his lips on Minho’s.
Watching them kiss made Thomas feel things that he couldn’t understand. All that he knew was that he needed to touch them somehow, so, being between them, he reached out to run his hands over their backs. He felt Newt shiver under his palm.
When they broke apart Thomas knew that the usual aftermath to follow a situation like this would be awkwardness, but when they looked at him he felt anything but. In fact, the ease he’d felt earlier was still present, and he hoped that it would stay for as long as possible.
Minho was the first one to speak. “Well then,” he said, slightly breathlessly. “That was something.”
Thomas couldn’t help the laugh that bubbled up his throat. “Yeah, it was.”
Newt ran a hand through his hair. “It wasn’t like I had expected it to be.”
Minho raised an eyebrow. “What had you expected?”
“Not that.”
“Was it a good surprise?” Thomas asked, trying to sound nonchalant about it. As if a negative reply wouldn’t mean a thing to him.
But Newt merely shot them a small smile and said, “It was.”
“I especially enjoyed Thomas’ weird petting,” Minho added, smirking at him.
Thomas flushed. “I didn’t want to just awkwardly sit in the middle while you two were at it!”
“It’s fine. I really did like it.” Minho reached out to imitate Thomas’ previous actions. “It felt nice.”
But Thomas was squirming under Minho’s hand, because the touch was lower than Thomas’ had been. “Don’t doho that.”
“Why not? Wait, was that a laugh?”
Newt was sniggering at them. “Looks like Tommy is ticklish on his lower back.”
This night was one of the strangest ones Thomas had experienced, due to the rapidly switching moods and settings. He wouldn’t have imagined anything like this happening when he’d perched himself beside Newt.
But when Minho started wiggling his fingers over his lower back with a new goal, Thomas didn’t mind it too much. In fact, he felt just as safe as before, with maybe the exception of his laughter waking the others up. Or worse, attracting the attention of unwanted strangers.
Using one hand to try to push Minho away - which was more of an automatic action - and the other to slap across his mouth, Thomas giggled for the first time in months. They knew about his ticklishness from before; had practically tortured him in the Glade, but this was a new spot, so Newt happily joined in to explore their newfound discovery.
Them ganging up on him caused the hand on Thomas’ mouth to fly out to try to stop Newt’s insisting fingers; his laughter filling the air only for a second, before Minho seemingly panicked and muffled it by crushing his lips against Thomas’.
“Good thinking,” Newt commented, one of his hands straying from Thomas’ back to scratch at his side. Minho’s hands were still teasing the sensitive skin on Thomas’ back, but it was obvious he wasn’t able to think very clearly due to the fact that he remained on the same spot for longer than he probably would’ve. It still was enough to keep Thomas giggling.
They weren’t at it for too long, however, because it was clear to them all how risky this situation was. Not only could the noises cause someone to attack them; there was also the possibility of another Glader waking up, and neither of them wanted to be caught in the position they currently were in.
So as their fingers stilled Minho finally pulled away; leaving Thomas’ lips tingly. He missed the warmth instantly.
They sat in silence as Thomas calmed down; neither of them speaking as their gazes roamed the Scorch. It felt just like it had before; as if the conversations and kissing and tickling hadn’t happened. That was what Thomas liked about them. They didn’t have to make anything a big deal.
“You were totally jealous when I was kissing Thomas,” Minho suddenly said, grinning at Newt.
Newt frowned. “Was not.”
“Yeah, right. It’s okay to admit that you liked kissing me.”
“Maybe it wasn’t you I wanted to kiss,” Newt shot back with an innocent smile.
Minho pointed a finger at him. “You hurt me.”
“That was my intention.”
Thomas sighed and reached out to pull them both closer to him. “Oh, hush you two.”
Minho gave his ribs a few pokes. “Look who’s talking. You’ve been talking back to everyone ever since you arrived.”
Thomas batted his hands away. “I said hush.”
“Why don’t you make me?”
“Oh, no, no,” Newt said, shaking his head at him. “You’ve already kissed him twice.”
“We are not having this conversation right now,” Thomas declared, craning his neck to look behind him at the other Gladers. He could’ve sworn he’d heard someone move.
Minho sighed dramatically. “Fine. But I’m moving my stuff to sleep next to you.”
“Deal.”
When Thomas closed his eyes he could feel his hands shaking, but with Newt and Minho on either side of him he felt like it didn’t matter too much. In that moment, for just a few hours, he would pretend the Scorch didn’t exist. That night only the feeling of Newt’s elbow digging into his side and Minho’s breath hitting his ear were real. Nothing else. Only that.