Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Many in the Hotel would claim to have known about Alastor and Lucifer first, with dates often clashing or being “misremembered”. But if everyone were honest with themselves for once in their fucking lives, the first to know was none other than the resident barkeep.

If asked (and he rarely was), Husk would say it all started a few months back.

He had been serving Alastor a steady stream of whiskey, hoping he would just fuck off so he could sleep long enough for the two of them. He was talking, something about a new segment on his show, but Husk couldn’t give a rat’s ass. The only segment he cared about was one he was hoping to avoid. Besides, he had gone on that weird mode where he was really just talking to himself, not giving you the breath to butt in.

Then Lucifer had walked in, and he really wished he had told Alastor to fuck off himself. It was no secret that he and Lucifer had some weird custody-rivalry-bullshit that he wanted no part of, especially not this late at night.

He was half expecting them to start throwing hands (maybe he could sneak off then) but.. they didn't. Instead, Lucifer shot Alastor a tired smile, all but whispered “Hey, Al,” and climbed into the stool next to him like he wasn’t sitting next to his (im)mortal enemy.

As if it couldn’t get any weirder, Alastor went and smiled at the fool, almost comically lighting up as he turned around, “Lucifer! Fantastic timing. I need some feedback on a new segment of mine, and I don’t think our feline friend was listening.”

“I was listening for when you would shut your trap so I could go the fuck to sleep,” he snaps back, on instinct. Alastor’s eyes narrow imperceptibly. Uh oh, bad move.

But before Alastor could tear his head off or whatever he thought was right for daring to imply that he wasn't the most entertaining fucker you ever did meet, Lucifer softly chuckled, “Al, come, on, give the guy a break. He’s right y’know, it is getting late. Here,” he stood up and extended his hand to him, “How about I walk you to your room and you can tell me all about it.”

Alastor looked taken aback - No, flustered? Eh, who gives a shit - by the suggestion, his gaze lingering on the hand before, with a sharp look to Husk indicating he was far from off the hook, he takes it with an hmph and rises to his feet, “Well, if you insist. See, I usually stick my gossip sections to average Sinners - and Susan - but with the recent rise in tensions among Overlords after the last Extermination I was wondering if-” They were still within Husk’s (advanced) hearing range, only beginning to grace the stairs, but he honestly tuned out by that point. He didn’t miss the attentive nods and adoring looks Lucifer sent Alastor’s way or the fact they were still holding hands though.

---

For a while they kept their weird romantic bullshit to those quiet midnights, which was fortunate for the rest of the Hotel, but unfortunate for the disgraced soul that was beholden to stay behind the counter until the early morning. He swore it felt like a fever dream seeing them be indisputable rivals by day and soft lovers by night.

Well, it’s not like he would be telling anyone. He had fallen hard enough to know a lose-lose situation when he saw one. So he waved off implications of the pair being anything but rivals. It’s for my own sake , he told himself.

…Even if he did feel kinda bad for lying to Angel.

Chapter Text

Everyone in this Hotel owed him so much fucking money.

He told those bitches, he fucking told ‘em! He could tell there was something there the moment they got all up in each other faces, but noo he was “exaggerating” and “relying too much on his idealized version of love” (fuck you too, Vaggs), and now look where it got ‘em!

…Okay, fine, maybe he was playin’ at first, but he could tell something was actually up that day at the bar.

Everyone had gone off on some trust exercise. Well, everyone except him, Husk, Alastor and Lucifer.

He stayed back cos he had a rough night at the studio and elected to sleep in. Since Husk and Alastor were technically not Hazbin patients but employees, they weren’t required to participate. He’s actually not sure why Lucifer stayed back…

Regardless, he had been sittin’ there, chatting up a storm with Smiles, which was already a bit… odd considering how they started out, but nothing particularly scandalous.

And then Susan She Who Shall Not Be Named™️ came up and if Al had been yappin’ before ohh man. She did this, She did that, She's a fucking bitch who deserves to die- Holy shit dude, we get it .

Antony was barely managing as is, Lucifer seemed to be pretty good (maybe it's some angelic patience), and Husk looked like he was one sentence away from making a comment that would have his soul erased from every plane of existence.

Apparently even Angels had their limits. The problem came with how Lucifer decided to show these limits.

As in he picked up Alastor's hand, unprompted, and fucking kissed it. Not even anything particularly sloppy, just a peck on his knuckles like the goddamned (literally) gentleman he is.

The bar got so quiet ya could'a heard a fucking pin drop. Antony was silently fist pumping, Husk was one second away from catching flies, and Christ even Smiles was flustered. Scratch that, he was probably the most flustered out of the four.

Then Lucifer looked up like the smooth motherfucka he is and said, “You're getting way too worked up over some old lady. Why do we go take a walk to clear your head, huh?”

Alastor let his mouth hang open for a few more beats, before snapping it shut and stuttering, “S-Sure,” trying and failing to cover the blush across his face as they walked away hand in hand.

That left Antony now physically fist pumping and Husk, having recovered from his tonished ass (or something like that) pulling out a whiskey, most likely to forget about the last five minutes.

“Did you see that shit?!?”, Antony frantically whispered , as they were still within Alastor’s earshot.

“I did, but for the safety of my soul, I will play the role of a blind man,” is all Husk said before chugging the bottle.

“Okay, that was frustratingly vague,” is what Antony grumbled, though he knew that was Husk’s way of saying It's Alastor, I've already fucked around and found out.

Oh, he could not wait to rub this in Cherri's stupid, Antony-doubting face .

Chapter Text

Cherri was never gonna hear the end of this.

Her and Angie were no strangers to disagreements and betting on said disagreements, with the winner having the unspoken permission to say as many “ I told you so ”s as they wished (though the other person was viable to retaliate).

But fuck she had bet an imp's monthly salary! And she hadn't even won !

You're probably wonderin’ what the Hell she went an’ bet all that money on. Well, it was on some twink and ranga's (apparently existent) relationship and she started counting out the bucks that morning at brekky.

She had been minding her own fucking business, grabbing a bowl of shitty knockoff Coco Pops (she says shitty, but it's the closest she can get), sitting across from Alastor who was sipping a cuppa and reading the paper, when all of a sudden Lucifer appeared.

Now Cherri hadn't actually been there for the first meeting, but according to Angie, “if all their sexual tension was a dick, I'd choke on it”, which isn't something he said lightly, and she was nothing if not a drama whore.

Anyways, he walked in looking like death himself, staggered over to the kettle and proceeded to drink enough tea to keep a Victorian child up for weeks.

After a few beats, he remembered how to function and turned around to greet the room's occupants, “Hey, Al and uh…?” He trailed off.

“Cherri Bomb, but just call Cherri, mate,” she replied around a mouthful of cereal.

He nodded, seemingly taking it in, “Right, Cherri.”

Alastor decided this was as good a time to finally add his input and took one last sip before he said, “I elected to wait until after you had your morning cup of… tea -”

“You're not even drinking, prick,” Lucifer interrupted, paired with an eye roll.

“-but Charlie wanted me to inform you that she has a surprise planned Friday. Don't ask what, that ruins the point, just make yourself available.”

Lucifer started, “Yeah, should be- oh wait, fuck ,” he ended with a whine.

“What?”, Alastor asked with an eyebrow raised.

“I can't, I have a meeting with the Sins.”

“What for?”

“Just general management since I've been away for so long,” he grumbled, not looking happy at the prospect himself.

Alastor looks considerate for a moment, before asking, “What will the meeting pertain to?”

“At least half the time will be spent on a shitload of paperwork since I've been putting it off so long.”

Alastor takes another sip of his Joe, “Well, I've been told I have a way with words, I'm sure I'd be able to work through the legal jargon in no time at all, if you allowed me. How long is the meeting?” At this Alastor conjured a notepad and started scribbling.

“...Two hours?”, Lucifer added, attempting to peek over Alastor’s shoulder at the notes.

“Well, that's already brought it down to one. See if the Sins will agree to move it. I assume you're close so they may understand if you clarify it's for their niece. Maybe even promise a reunion with her in return.”

Alastor finally concluded whatever the Hell he had been doing on the notepad and slid it over, “There, cleared schedule.”

Lucifer picked up the pad and looked at it for several beats before breathlessly whispering, “...Al, you goddamned genius.”

“Hmm,” was his nonplussed reply before taking another sip.

Lucifer chuckled and raised a mirthful eyebrow, “What more praise do you want? Good boy? ”, he whispered the last part into Alastor’s ear, which twitched while Alastor tried and failed to suppress the full body shiver and blush.

He coughed into his elbow before he continued, stilted, “Obviously not . What am I, your dog?”

Lucifer tugged on Alastor’s hair to look up at him, earning him a surprised gasp and enlarged pupils, “Be honest, you like it. ”

Cherri slammed the table in frustration, “Oh my God , take that-” a word that sounded like “corny” or “horny” depending on who you asked, though both worked, “-shit away from my breakfast cereal, ya cunts!”

The two seemingly remembered they weren't alone, with Lucifer straightening up and Alastor burying his nose into the paper, despite being on the same page for more than five minutes.

Lucifer coughed into his hand, “ Ahem , apologies, Harry-”

“ Cherri. ”

“-Right, Larry- I'll, uh, go find Charlie now, so. Buh bye!”, and with that Lucifer dashed out of the kitchen, though towards the stairs when Cherri had last seen her in the lobby- oh well, too late to tell him that.

“Soooo,” she dragged out, looking back at her cereal.

“ What. ”, though she wasn’t looking at his face, he certainly sounded annoyed.

“Is he a good lay?”, she asked, which was followed by a shriek in feedback, random ass voodoo symbols on the wall and flickering lights. Eh, the princess could bail her out if it came to it. Oh, shit, she would have a field day with this.

Chapter Text

Charlie was the happiest she’d ever been in her life.

Yeah, she says that a lot, but she’s serious! Nothing could possibly top this moment! Except Vaggie marrying her- Ahem.

She always knew her parents' marriage hadn't been… the best even before they split, and though she missed her mom, she just wanted them to be happy. And now she had definitive proof that her dad was!

She could remember it like it was yesterday! (It wasn't yesterday, right?)

Though no one new had come to the hotel (yet!), she still needed to establish the paperwork if someone did. After a riveting (one-sided) conversation with KeeKee and filling up her food bowl, she decided to go see if Husk knew where Alastor was.

“Hey, Husk!”, Charlie said, jumping in place by the bar. Husk almost seemed happy when he turned around, but it flickers off when he takes in who he was looking at.

“Oh, hey. Sorry, thought you were Angel,” he said before turning around to set up an apple mocktail ( “I can handle alcohol!” “Yeah, right. Tell that to Vaggie when she had to drag your sorry ass upstairs after a finger of whiskey.” )

“Why would you be waiting for Angel?”, Charlie asked with a head tilt. I mean, they have been closer recently… Wait, does Husk like Angel?!?

Husk slid over the mocktail and turned to busy himself cleaning the glasses, though there was a dusting of blush on his face, “ Boundaries, princess …”

Charlie realized she had somehow started leaning over the bar and backed up sheepishly, “Sorry…” They would be so cute together…

“‘s fine. Anything you needed?”

Charlie recalled the reason she had visited with a gasp, “OH! Right! Do you know where Al is?”

Husk’s nose scrunched up at the nickname ( Aww, just like KeeKee! ), but he relents, “The lounge. Though I wouldn't go there if I were you.”

“Why?”

Husk seemed to get more annoyed, if that was possible, “Well, he's- You know what? I don't give a fuck. He's been hogging it since morning anyway.”

Charlie was a bit skeptical, but she responded, “Uh, right. Thanks, Husk! Bye!”

“You didn’t drink your-! Oh, fucking forget it.”

Almost as soon as she ran off Angel turned the corner, and the soft smile returned to Husk’s face as he placed the premade martini in front of the now empty stool. They really would be cute…

Charlie nudged open the staff lounge door, acutely aware of Husk’s (albeit aborted) warning. What she saw gave her enough cuteness aggression to rival seeing KeeKee on a good day.

Alastor was there, alright, but so was her dad right next to him. Well, next to wasn't a strong enough word. More like actively clinging to . Wow, she forgot how cat coded her dad was. He was purring, nuzzling and everything.

Alastor was attempting to do some paperwork (? Weird, she hadn't given him any recently…) but even he wasn't resistant to her father's charm and gave him the occasional scratch, which only made him purr louder.

Eventually even Alastor couldn't take it as he spoke up, “Lucifer, you are distracting me.”

Her dad lifted his head and smirked, “Tell me to stop.”

Alastor fell silent. It seemed her dad had won before Alastor placed his hand on her dad's forehead… and promptly shoved him off the couch.

Her father grumbled, “You could've just said so, jackass,” before adjusting himself in between Alastor’s legs, “Alright, alright, I'll leave you to your paperwork -”

“Don't tell me you're jealous of it?”

“Wha- Don't put words in my mouth!”

Alastor chuckled and reached for her dad's hair, tangling his claws in it. “Only kidding, mon étoile .” He pressed a kiss to his crown which eased the embarrassed flush on her dad's face. “Now off with you, the sooner I finish the sooner we can cuddle.”

“Fiiine,” is what her dad said, though the small smile gave away he wasn't all that miffed.

He got up and walked towards the door, which is when Charlie realized she had been inadvertently eavesdropping, which was certainly unbecoming for the co-owner of such a fine establishment. She backed up a good few feet just in time for her dad to swing it open.

“Oh! Hey, apple pie!”

“Uh- Hey, Dad! I was just- looking. For Alastor I mean!” Oh that was so unconvincing-

He raised an eyebrow (Oh, yup, he saw right through that-), but conceded, “He's in the lounge. Just helping me out with some paperwork.” Ohhh, that's where it came from.

“Right- Thanks! And, Dad?”, Charlie grabbed his hands, which had his eyebrows jumping up to his (recently kissed) hairline, “I know that we both miss Mom, but don't hold on for my sake. All that matters is your happiness, regardless of where you find it. Never forget that.”

Her dad's eyes shone with unshed tears (she had to get it from somewhere ), and he found his voice to say, “I- I appreciate it, Char-Char, but what’s got you saying that?”

At this Charlie’s smile turned mischievous, “Oh, you know .”

Her dad blanked for a few moments before he seemed to realize what she knew and turned yellow as a tomato (there are yellow tomatoes right?...) before whispering, “Oh.”

Argh, he looked so cute! She was so happy for him she could-!

“Please don't sing a song about it.” Hmph, foiled yet again…

Charlie playfully rolled her eyes, “Ugh, you sound like Vaggie.”

Her dad raised a mirthful eyebrow, “She seems to know what she’s talking about.”

Charlie smiled, “Yeah, she does.”

Oh, she could not wait to tell Vaggie!

Chapter Text

It was way too fucking early for this.

Admittedly she had been… skeptical regarding claims that Alastor and Lucifer were together but can you blame her? Last time she checked (read: last fucking week) they despised each other! What the Hell changed? And what do you mean it’s been going on for months ?!?

Like, Alastor “love is a weakness” the fucking Radio Demon? In a relationship?! With the King of Hell?!? She swears, she understands that red has-been freak less and less each day.

He's probably just using him. Yeah, leave it to Alastor to have the fucking Devil wrapped around his little finger.

This is what she decided when she started her… “research”. Did it dangerously toe the line on straight up spying? …Debatable. Was she no longer in Heaven and did the average demon do much worse for less than worthy causes? Yes and yes.

This is what went through Vaggie's head at every sidelong glance, every lingering at the door, every followed step.

…Okay, maybe it was a bit close to spying.

All of it came to a screeching halt two weeks ago.

Lucifer had been feeling under the weather and had skipped last night's “family dinner” (whatever made Charlie happy), and hadn't been seen since. Alastor had also mysteriously disappeared that morning.

Charlie asked her to go on a soup run for her dad, and his room was the only place she hadn't checked for the Overlord so she agreed (and because Charlie asked her of course).

Vaggie held the bowl in one hand and gently opened the door with the other.

Alastor being there wasn't necessarily a surprise, it's more what he was doing.

He wasn't taunting Lucifer, or attempting to take advantage of him, he was… taking care of him?

She only caught the tail end of his sentence, “...time just tell me, sha .”

Lucifer coughed before croaking, “Didn't want to get you sick.”

Alastor sighed and his smile turned into something more genuine, “As if that would keep me from you.”

Vaggie was so shocked she didn't move from the crack in the door which led to Alastor turning around and seeing her, “Vaggie?”

Her eye widened when she realized she had been caught so she came the rest of the way through and waved to the bowl, “Charlie told me to bring soup.”

Alastor narrowed his eyes, as if searching hers, but she made sure her gaze revealed nothing. He looked back at Lucifer, who had sat up on the bed to eagerly eye the soup, and gestured for Vaggie to hand it over. She did so gladly, anything to get out of this.

As she dashed out she could hear Lucifer's small, “...Can you feed it to me?”

“What are you, five?” Lucifer must've given some pretty mean puppy dog eyes because after a pause Alastor follows up, “...Only cause you're sick.

Vaggie is so shocked she nearly trips on Niffty doing her rounds. Okay, what the actual CARAJO is going on?!?

Chapter Text

This was gonna fuel her fanworks for weeks .

She knew from the get-go that Angel's claims of RadioApple , as she had dubbed it, had some merit. She had seen the same kind of something with Vox and Alastor.

This was different though. And just as interesting.

She hears much more than people- well, no, she hears just as much as people expect, being in the walls and vents and everything. It's more so people forget that fact or underestimate her abilities.

Oh, she hears a lot , from marriage proposals being nervously practiced, to plans being hastily finalized, to noises from the poor souls who thought the walls were actually sound proof (well, they were, but that’s a moot point when you’re literally in them).

Which leads her to now.

She's crawling in the vents above Lucifer's room, as one does, when she hears a knock on his door. Lucifer stops his fidgeting with the duck toy he was holding to get up from his bed and answer it.

He opens the door and on the other side is- Alastor? Why is he visiting Lucifer’s bedroom...

“Greeting and salutations, Your Majesty!”

Lucifer derisively snorts and shakes his head playfully, “Drop the formalities, asshat, thought we were past that.”

Alastor rolls his eyes fondly and tries again, something soft in his eyes and smile, “Hello, mon doudou .”

Lucifer’s face scrunches, and Alastor barks a laugh (a laugh! Niffty hasn’t seen him do that in forever! ...Wait, no, didn’t he laugh a few months ago-), “It does sound worse in English, doesn’t it? It’s Creole for darling . May I come in now?”

“Oh! Yeah, sure!” Lucifer’s face brightens up and he moves to let Alastor in. Alastor’s shadow (Shadow, as she had aptly nicknamed it) follows suit and seems to make direct eye contact (despite its lack of eyes).

Uh oh , she recoils away from the vent but it’s too late and she sees Shadow has already crawled up the wall tittering and hissing in her general direction.

Alastor scowls at him, “Calm down, there’s nothing there. If anything, it’s just a rat.”

Shadow gives Alastor a death stare and tightens his fists and says something that doesn’t quite reach Niffty’s ears.

“ Care to repeat that? ”, Alastor returns the death stare in kind and his powers flare up, clearly indicating whatever Shadow said were not kind words.

Lucifer clears his throat and raises an eyebrow, “You done?”

Alastor and Shadow exchange one last glance, with Shadow giving in and dispersing with a mean look on his face.

Whew, that was a close one. Gotta be more careful.

Alastor looks around the room and his eyes land on the duck fidget toy Lucifer had dropped on his bed when he went to answer the door.

“What’s this? Another rubber duck?”

Lucifer follows his eyeline, “Huh? Oh! That. Not a rubber duck per say, just a duck-shaped fidget toy. Something for me to do with my hands, heh. Here,” Lucifer goes over to the bed and picks up the toy, walks back and places it in his hands, “try it.”

Alastor turns the duck around in his hands and fiddles with it, “Hm. I suppose I can see the appeal.”

They stay quiet as Alastor fidgets with the toy when Lucifer breaks the silence, “...Why’d you come, anyway? Didja need something?”

Alastor’s eyes move from the toy to Lucifer and his smile turns small and soft, “Is it enough to say that I missed you?”

Lucifer goes yellow all the way to his shoulders ( yellow? Well, Angels do bleed yellow, she would know, guess it makes sense- ) and respond eloquently with “Uh.”

Alastor softly chuckles and kisses Lucifer where Niffty assumes would have been Lucifer’s nose.

Niffty crouches to get a better look and she looks down when the vent suddenly rattles beneath her weight to see Shadow holding a... screwdriver? Wonder what’s he’s doing with that- The floor beneath her suddenly disappears and she only has enough time to think Oh, shit-

She goes crashing down onto Lucifer's bedroom floor, scaring both of the occupants. Alastor is the first one to react, starting towards her, “Niffty! Are you alright?!”

She gets up and dusts off her dress and shoots him a nervous smile, “Oh! Hey, Sir! Your Majesty! I’m perfectly alright! Wow, you might wanna get that panel tightened, don’t want anyone else to fall through, hehe!”

Alastor’s concern gets replaced with incredulity, “...What were you doing up there?”

“O-Oh! Uh- I was just hunting this huuuge bug- you should’ve seen it, it was nearly the size of my head! Speaking of, I’ve probably given him a whole metre head start! So, if I could just, uh-”

“How long were you in there.” The question comes out as more of a statement and it's clear from Alastor’s expression that he doesn’t buy a single word she’s saying. Lucifer stands near the bed nervously looking between them.

“Uh, a few minutes, at best. Like I said I was just passing by, heh...”

Alastor narrows his eyes, “You’re lying.”

“Uh... Well, nice chat, gotta go, BYE!”, Niffty uses Alasor as a ladder to get to the hole in the vent and he’s stunned enough that he doesn’t try to reach for her until she’s already jumped off, “NIFFTY! GET BACK- Oh, for fuck’s sake.”

Just before she dashes off she catches Shadow flipping her a double bird. Wow, it really is just like with Vox all over again, how nostalgic! ...Well the person getting the birds was different but, eh, details- Hopefully Alastor doesn’t hold this against her the next time she sees him...

Chapter Text

hi guys. its uh, been a sec huh. sorry i havent updated this fic since quite literally last year, its not abandoned, i was just busy getting hyperfixated on other stuffs and failing a course. new chapter hopefully this year, im on summer break so i have time to lock in. srry for the delay :3