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Poison? I've had worse!

Summary:

There, a fresh songlotus cake sat alongside a cold immortal's delight, both looked untouched as if they'd just been placed, arranged on the table like a arts display. *"Is this a social experiment? Xianzhou people really are creative."*

"Free food? Welp, don't mind if I do!"

He glanced around to make sure no one was watching before he quickly chucked the chewy cake into his mouth without a second thought, munching away. Except something was off, why does it taste so strange? It doesn't have the usual fragrance of songlotus. "Maybe it's a special recipe! First of its kind and I get to try it, amazing!"

Notes:

Go check the inspired work out! How many differences can you spot? I decided to give it a more light hearted and humorous spin, cause I just recently wrote some angst

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

It had been days since Caelus started helping out the folks in Aurum Alley, a festival was coming up, and it was his job to plan the event. Since he had done so well the last time, there couldn’t have been anyone more perfect for the job than him!

He puffed up with pride as he walked, when suddenly he received a urgent request from one of the cloud knights to go to the healer's market, apparently some mara struck have been seen roaming the place threatening the safety of the healers and alchemists there.

"Can't these Cloud Knights do their job properly? Always calling for me to help… Not that I mind, because of the jades. But still!" Caelus huffed, he didn't expect Jingyuan to be that incompetent at training and leading his soldiers, has he been slacking off more than usual since Fuxuan started taking over his duties? He's still the general and hasn't passed his position onto her officially yet, hypocrite.

On his way back from completing the task, Caelus caught a familiar delicious scent that immediately made his stomach growl like crazy. "Is that… Songlotus cake? My favorite!"

He wiped his drool away. He was sure the area had been closed due to the mara struck, but someone must have been brave enough to open a stall here, he trailed the scent, leading him to a small table set up.

There, a fresh songlotus cake sat alongside a cold immortal's delight, both looked untouched as if they'd just been placed, arranged on the table like a arts display. "Is this a social experiment? Xianzhou people really are creative."

"Free food? Welp, don't mind if I do!

He glanced around to make sure no one was watching before he quickly chucked the chewy cake into his mouth without a second thought. munching away. Except something was off, why does it taste so strange? It doesn't have the usual fragrance of songlotus. "Maybe it's a special recipe! First of its kind and I get to try it, amazing!"

It wasn’t until his head began to spin that he realized something was very wrong, the neatly written note next to the plate was completely forgotten as he blacked out.


Caelus shot up from the bed, dazed and panicked, he looked around frantically. The alchemy commission, what is he doing back here? He vaguely remembered heading back to the Express after completing his mission when–

"Ah!! Bailu!?"

Before his train of thoughts could finish writing themselves, Bailu appeared in front of him, scaring the wits out of him. "This is just like a horror movie! Where’s the warning before a jumpscare? My heart can’t take this!"

"You’re finally awake." Bailu sighed, clearly unimpressed with his reaction.

"Care to explain what happened?"

After Caelus recapped the previous events Bailu still looks far from amused, just then another voice interrupted.

"Caelus, there you are. Are you alright?" It was Danheng walking up to them from behind, Caelus almost jumped again.

"Is everyone trying to jumpscare me today? Where’s the consideration for my feelings?" He sobs not so quietly to himself.

As if reading his thoughts, Danheng continued, "You weren’t answering your phone."

 

Caelus checked his phone, only to see dozens of missed messages from Danheng, all asking where he was, what happened and why he wasn’t responding. What a worrywart… Wait, how did Danheng know where he is?

But he was too distracted by the flutter in his heart, which touched him figuratively and literally by Danheng's concern. Overcome with emotion, he dramatically collapsed onto Danheng's shoulder, whining.

"Daaaaaaanheng!! Waaah, I’m in sooo much pain right now, don’t you feel sorry for me? I’ve been poisoned! Poooiiisoned! Heeelp meeee..." It had to be noted twice he was indeed poisoned, even though it's ironic considering he consumes trash on the daily without a problem – besides from the obvious nausea and vomiting from time to time.

"Alright, alright, Caelus… Settle down." Danheng, too weak to resist him and still shaken up from seeing him actually pass out, let him cling to him like a leech as he wrapped his arms around his waist.

"If you have enough energy to whine, you can drink some medicine." Bailu came back, carrying a cup of the most revolting, black tar like medicine Caelus and Danheng has ever seen combined, promptly making him shut up.

"U-uhm... On second thought, I think I’m completely fine now! Right, Danheng? No pain at all! Look, I can even stand up and–" Caelus let go of Danheng, trying to get off the bed before miserably falling onto the floor the first step he took because his legs decided to give out on him right in this moment.

 

"Caelus!" Danheng caught him just before he hit the ground, Caelus's arm slung over his shoulder as he supported his weight, his hand snugly making it back to his waist, holding him securely. It was a cool display of affection that made Caelus's heart sway. "Oh, you–"

"No can do. Even if you’re fine now, you still have to drink the medicine." Not giving them a moment for their couple's display, Bailu moved closer, looking threatening with the cup of medicine in her hand inching closer and closer.

"Nooo!! How is that medicine!? Bailu, you’re not trying to poison me again, are you? I’m not drinking that!" Caelus shook his head violently trying to run away, but Danheng held onto his body tightly, not letting him move an inch from where they're standing.

"Danheng... You... You traitor!" Caelus shot Danheng a pleading look, but he just turned his head away looking guilty. Caelus mentally cursed him a thousand times over, though he knew he’d never say it aloud.

"Bottoms up!" Bailu then forced the viscious, bitter tar down Caelus's throat, one gulp at a time, until the cup is empty with no drops left.

"Bleugh..."

Don’t throw up…

Don’t throw up…

Don't throw up!!!

 

He clamped a hand over his mouth, struggling not to throw up from the medicine’s nauseatingly bitter taste. How could something taste so vile compared to even his beloved trash?

"Ugh... Set me down, Danheng. I feel horrible..." Caelus leaned his body heavily into Danheng's, his body going limp as he was gently laid back down onto the bed.

"Is it really that bad?" Danheng looked genuinely concerned now, almost regretting forcing him to take the medicine. Still, he trusted Bailu’s skills too much to doubt her treatment.

"I'll get you songlotus cake later, as much as you want after you recover." He sighed softly, patting Caelus's hand. Spoiling Caelus was a habit he shouldn't indulge in, but it was hard to resist when he looked at him like that.

"So dramatic…" Bailu rolled her eyes, but her tone was playful. Then she turned to Danheng, her expression brightening.

"If you’re treating him to cake later, take me with you! I want some tuskpir wraps."

"Sure, it’s a promise." Danheng agreed, defeated by their collective enthusiasm for food. He couldn’t win against either of them.


Just as Caelus was settling back into the bed March bursted into the room, her face full of worry. "Caelus, are you alright!? I heard you got poisoned!"

"D- don't worry, I'm alright March... But make sure to engrave my title galactic baseballer on my grave..." Caelus weakly raises his hand up to give a shaky thumbs up, acting as if he's shriveling up and one step away from dying.

She sighed, crossing her arms. "Ugh... I was trying to be serious, but I guess you're a utterly hopeless case to joke around at a time like this."

"Hey, humor is a good way to cope with near death experiences!" Caelus grinned, despite his obvious pain.

March shook her head in exasperation. "You don't deserve me as a friend, you know that?"

Caelus chuckled, then winced, clutching his stomach. "Ugh… Maybe not, but I’d still die for you– just like I almost did before."

She gave him a gentle smack on the shoulder. "You better not, I didn’t run all the way here just to see you lying in a hospital bed forever!"

Caelus smiled, appreciating her concern even through her frustration. "Alright, alright… I’ll live. I think."

"It's not I think, it's I will Caelus!" She corrected him sternly.


Caelus eventually recovered and ate songlotus cakes to his heart’s content – all courtesy of Danheng’s wallet of course. Accompanied by Bailu who happily munched on tuskpir wraps.

"Slow down, Caelus... you're going to choke at this rate." Danheng patted him on the back, holding a cup of Immortal's Delight. It was Caelus's, but Danheng offered it to him anyway.

"Mmmph! Ish good! Sanhweng, yuo twy it twoo!" Caelus mumbled through a mouthful of cake messily, then drank from the cup Danheng held out not bothering to pick it up himself.

"Don’t talk with your mouth full..." Danheng sighed, but even when Caelus acted like this he didn't mind. A faint smile etched on his face, finding him cute while wiping the crumbs near his lips off with his hand.

 

The end.

Notes:

I wanted to play into the feral raccoon character most people have for Caelus, so he's less calm and reserved unlike how I usually write him, how did I fare?

The idea just came rushing in for me, it's crazy how fast I finished writing it and how much fun I had, I hope it had enough bickering haha

Hope you enjoyed! Do leave a comment, I'll definitely read it and reply, thank you

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