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There's something deeply wrong with Lester’s girlfriend.
Not in a bad way! He hopes so, god that sounded mean,but that's not his intention.
Starting again, there's something deeply wrong with Lester's perfect, amazing, girlfriend because only that could reasonably explain why she’s with him.
Now, that sounded depressing, let’s start again
Apollo Lester Olympia is fully aware of what he looks like. He has many mirrors in his house and unlike what people may normally assume when they look at him, he actually cares about his looks.
Thing is, he didn't always look this way. Oh no, as a child Lester, who still went by his first name, was the prettiest, cutest boy in the playground. All of that changed when puberty decided to hit him in the face with a hammer, repeatedly.
Things weren't even that bad, at least until half a year ago. When some motherless cretin put brown fabric dye, of all things, in his shampoo ruining his beautiful blonde hair. Needless to say, when Lester saw the finish result of that fateful shower he had a screaming, crying, breakdown because, besides the face full of pimples that never seem to stop coming, he was now stuck with brown hair in a shade that DID NOT suit him
The lady at the hairdresser was also no help, said that his only two options were 1-)Paint his hair brown and grow it out or 2-)Shave everything off because fucking fabric dye stains the hair and is impossible to get off. While he hated brown hair, Lester still did not want to go bald so ever since then he’s been stuck with that hoping the blonde grows long enough so he can cut the brown off. It’ll take a while though, he has curly hair after all
All in all, Lester is aware he currently looks awful. He hasn’t had his growth spurt yet, no skincare routine works and the only physically good thing in him at the moment is his voice, that never suffered from a single crack and went deeper naturally
So, how in the actual hell did he pull Percy Jackson? Well, the more accurate term would be how did he get Percy Jackson interested in him because she’s the one who gave him her phone number, but the point remains valid
Don’t get him wrong! Lester is aware he has many qualities outside of his appearance. He’s a great artist, he has near perfect grades, an amazing singing voice, can play almost every instrument he ever tried with the Harp being his favorite (ignoring the fact that's lame in favor of the fact that he can also play the guitar, so it all balances out), he’s even also great at Archery!.
Many qualities yet he didn't display a single one when he and Percy first met, so why is she into him?
Yeah, Lester knows how lame he looked when he saw Percy for the first time, it wasn’t even because he was wearing his pyjamas. It was because he spent god knows how long staring at her, then when he was snapped out of his reverie by Artemis and her friends glaring at him he accidently made an ass of himself so much that his twin telling him to shut up was an act of kindness
Even so, Percy was still willing to be his shotgun (He heard the girls talking, she chose to sit right next to him, all by herself!), talked to him the entire time and by the end, when he thought he was going home to never see her again and spend the rest of his life pinning after her, she gave him her number!. It took everything in him to not break down in happiness right in front of her.
If when Lester got home he had to sit outside of the mansion in his Van and scream in one of the unused blankets as he thanked god for a while, well, that's between him and the big man himself.
Even though that was probably one of the happiest moments in his life and Lester immediately shot Percy a text as soon as he parked over, part of him couldn't have helped but wonder if Percy was playing a nasty prank on him. Lester knows what he looks like and he’s blessed to have eyes to be able to see what Percy looks like, in what world would she even glance his way?
This one It seems
Being Percy Jackson’s boyfriend is the best feeling in the world. Maybe it’s the honeymoon phase talking, maybe it's the fact everything feels so sweet and new because Lester asked her to be his girlfriend two weeks in since he wasn't about to give her time to think about whether she was actually into him or not.
Moving on! It’s been 3 months ever since and Lester found out many things about his girlfriend, but he still hasn't found out what’s wrong with Percy that made her end up dating him and in all honesty that's giving Lester anxiety. Not to say he wants something to be wrong with her, but no one is perfect and Percy Jackson being as sweet, kind and interesting as she’s beautiful shouldn't be a thing.
If she did have a red flag, Lester could work with it. Dating her would feel less like he’s cheating at life if Percy was mean, had a shoplifting problem or was ashamed to be seen with him in public. He’d even understand if she had been using him to get something, like money or just someone to do her homework
Instead? Percy Jackson is the sweetest person he’s ever met. Not once has she judged him or said anything disparagingly about his looks. She shows genuine interest in his interests even if they're not things she knows a lot about, like art for example. She also insists on them taking turns paying when they go out because she genuinely likes treating him.
Even when they had a study date at the library last week, not once did she try to make him do all of her work (even though he would have been more than happy to do so as long as she kept smiling at him the same loving way she always does)
Anyway! Percy is practically perfect, sure she has flaws, but they're all human. The issue is that her flaws are not balancing out how good she is as a person. If he’s unable to find her red flag, what if that instead of simply not having it, she’s just hiding it? And it’s something really bad, like, she’s a serial cheater or a cannibal?!
God, if she has to be one of those things, please make it so it's a cannibal thing. He’d rather be eaten alive by his girlfriend than to ever have something in common with Hera
Knowing he’ll drive himself crazy otherwise, Lester goes to his best source of information about Percy, His twin sister.
He never said it was the best in general, just the best he got.
Walking into Artemis' room without bothering to knock, Lester said “Arty, i need your help” to his sister who was sitting on her canopy bed, writing something on her notebook
Without even looking up from her what she was doing, Artemis replied “No, i’m busy”
Using his best begging voice, Lester said “Please? It’s really important” seeing how his twin didn't budge, he gave a sigh and said “Has to do with Percy”
Never one to ignore a conversation that has anything to do with women, Artemis put everything down and asked “What happened? Has she dumped you?” she asked, sounding way too excited at the prospect
Rolling his eyes, Lester said “No, our relationship is going great, thank you very much” throwing himself onto his sister’s comfy bed, he continued “That’s the problem*
“Why is everything going great, a problem?” Artemis asked, as she pushed her brother with her foot when he got too close to her
Wilfully ignoring his sister's foot digging onto his side.“Arty, be honest with me. Do you really think someone like Percy would have given me her number and agreed to be my girlfriend, had there not been something deeply wrong with her?” Lester asked
Without thinking twice, Artemis said “Fuck no” grimacing, she pulled her foot back and said “Ok, yeah, i get what you mean”
“Exactly, there must be something wrong with her” glad that his sister was finally seeing his point of view, Lester continued “You’ve known her for longer than i have, so i need your help with figuring this one out. What do you think is her red flag?”
“Can’t you figure that one out yourself? You’re the one dating her” Artemis asked
“I know! But she’s such a good girlfriend, Arty” He whined, grabbing a pillow “She's sweet, loving, listens to me as i ramble and calls me good morning almost every day. If she has a red flag then I'm as blind to it as dad is to the concept of loyalty!”
“She calls you good morning?” Artemis asked, looking weirded out
Feeling a truly lovesick smile creeping its way onto his face, Lester said “Yeah, usually while she’s getting ready for school, said it’s because she’d feel bad if she didn't respond to my good morning text at all” god, Percy is so sweet—shaking his head and slapping his cheeks “See? I can’t be trusted to know her red flags if just thinking about her gets me like this” he told Artemis in distress
“You truly can’t” she said rolling her eyes "what do you want me to do? I’ve never dated her” Artemis pointed out
Thank god for small mercies, Lester privately thought “Yeah, but you’re her friend and have been studying at the same school as her for the past two years. She must have a really concerning flaw that you’re aware of”
Thinking long and hard, Artemis finally said “Well, to be completely honest, she’s really shameless”
“What do you mean by that?”
“She has no concept of shame. First week Percy got to Mayfair Clarisse La Rue stole her clothes from the locker room. So, tell me why this girl casually walked out of there, wearing only a sports bra and her panties, proceeded to track Clarisse down and beat her because she wasn't expecting an almost naked 12 year to fight her?”
“That doesn't make her shameless, maybe it was an one-off incident”
“That's what I thought, until well into the year she kept getting into trouble for walking around campus wearing only the swim team uniform. Said she didn't see the big deal because it’s not like there were any guys on campus and the uniform covers more than what she usually wears at the beach”
“Wow, what happened after?”
“Her father got called to school. From what I heard he was also confused at what was the big deal, but Percy stopped walking around like that at campus as much. She still does that if she forgets changing after practice”
Tilting his head to the side in thought, Lester said “That's a bit concerning, but I don't really think that’s a red flag for me. I mean, it’s not like there are any guys in campus”
Shaking her head, Artemis said “Knew you’d say that” before continuing “Yeah, there aren’t any guys on campus, but do you have any idea how many Lesbians are there in Mayfair? She’s a genuine danger to the mental health of the girls there”
Lester winced, knowing how Lesbians can be, his sister being a prime example of that “Is it really that bad?” he asked
“It is, we’re all lucky Mayfair actually has an infirmary because Persephone Jackson has been the cause of so many accidents, it’s not even funny” Artemis rolled her eyes at the situation, but Lester was actually more concerned with another part of her statement
“Persephone?”Asked Lester in weak voice
Looking at her brother like he grew another head, Artemis responded “Yeah, Persephone Jackson, her name. You know Percy is only her nickname, right?” she asked, her tone incredulous and maybe a bit judgmental
Putting his head on his hands, Lester said “No, I genuinely thought Percy was her actual name” groaning, he said “Maybe i’m the red flag” what type of guy doesn't know his own girlfriend's name? They’ve been together for 3 months! God, Lester knew he didn't deserve her before, but now? Whatever red flag she has doesn't beat the fact he didn't know the full name of the actual love of his life
Awkwardly patting her brother’s back, Artemis attempted to console him by saying “C’mon, don’t beat yourself up like that. It’s not like she even knows your first name is Apollo”
“That's even worse, I'm the worst! Not even knowing my girlfriend’s full name and never telling her my actual first name because I'm embarrassed to be named after the Greek god of male beauty when I look like this!”
“It generally sucks to be you” Artemis said, his sister is such a comforting person “but you're not the worst, Percy always introduces herself by her nickname. I only know her full name because the school inspector is always yelling it.”
“Still, i should have thought it was weird that she and her family are greek yet they gave her a male irish name"
“At least you know she's greek?” Was all Artemis could offer
Rolling his eyes, Lester said “Why yes, at least i know this basic fact about my girlfriend”
“Just saying, so, back to her red flags.” Artemis continued, changing the subject “She’s oblivious to other people's feelings, that should count for something, right?”
Considering that for a moment before shaking his head, Lester said “Maybe? We're together already so that doesn't really matter” before stopping himself for a moment “How do you know she’s oblivious to people's feelings?” he asked. If Artemis had/has a crush on his girlfriend, Lester will drive out of a bridge. Not really, but he will get disturbed by the fact they share a type
Rolling her eyes, Artemis said “Wipe that suspicious look off your face, i’ve never liked her THAT way” then she continued “You have no idea how many girls joined The Hunters because they fell for her and were promptly told by her best friend Percy being nice to them did not mean she returned their feelings, she’s the reason hair dye contraband is so expensive at Mayfair”
“Naming your workout group Hunters is why so many people think you run a cult” Lester lamely replied, then after a second he asked “Is that why so many of your friends glare at me when i’m around?”
“Maybe? They also don't like men in general, so there's that too” Artemis shrugged “I told you everything I would consider a red flag and you agreed with none of them, maybe the issue is you?”
“I know i’m the red flag in this relationship Arty, no need to rub it in” After all, what kind of boyfriend didn't know his girlfriend’s first name after three months of dating? He needs to be more attentive in the future
“Not that, Dingus, maybe the issue is that she has a really obvious red flag but you don’t notice because you're in love or she has a red flag but something so minor you don't even notice that's all she has. Like, maybe being a bad kisser is her red flag
Immediately, he replied “She’s not a bad kisser, at all” Whether it involves being sarcastic, funny, tearing someone off verbally or kissing him to the point where Lester forgets how to drive for a while, Percy Jackson is good at everything that involves using her mouth “Arty, full disclosure, Percy kisses like she’s been doing that for years, grips my hair, grabs me by the waist. Only thing she doesn't do is call me princess afterwards”
“I didn't need to know all that” His sister shuddered “Can’t even lie to Thalia anymore”
Before he could even address that comment he received an instagram notification that said Percy just posted on her account. Call him cheesy, but whenever he’s unable to see her he goes to her instagram to stare at her pictures. Opening the app he clicked on her page and what he saw shocked him more than what he wanted to say it did
It was a picture of Percy at the skatepark, he knew she was going there today, that was not what shocked him. What shocked him was that the guy she posted a picture with
Now, Lester is not an insane jealous guy who thinks his girlfriend is not allowed to have any male friends, but does she really need to have one that looks like a Calvin Klein model? Actually, even calling him that feels as if he’s insulting the other guy's appearance. The photo was not anything much, they were at the skatepark. The model guy was using her as an armrest smirking at the camera while she glared at him annoyed. Lester didn't even need to stare at the picture for long to see it's going to end up on pinterest under “couple aesthetic”
To add insult to the injury the caption read “At the skatepark with my top ten blonde annoyance”
“Apollo, is everything ok? You look like someone killed your puppy” Artemis poked him before looking at his phone screen “Oh, that's why”
“Arty, do you know him?” Lester knows it’s a far shot, Artemis obviously wouldn't know a guy—
“Yeah, that's Luke. Annabeth's brother”
“This is Percy's best friend’s older brother? The one she sees as her own? The one who taught her how to cheat at Poker?” Lester may not know his girlfriend's full name, but he pays attention when she talks to him about her friends
“Don't know about all that, but yeah. He’s Annabeth’s older brother”
Great, Lester just became a lame side-character in a “Best friend's brother” romance novel
At the least now he found out Percy's red flag, she has a really hot close male friend
God, why couldn't she have been a cannibal?