Archive of Our Own

Klaus Hargreeves wasn’t doing well.

It had been almost three months since they’d gotten back from Dallas, and in a cruel twist of fate or destiny or whatever the little girl up there did, it seemed like all the rest of his messed up family had their lives together. Allison had gone back to California and reunited with Claire. Lila took community college classes and picked up random restaurant jobs on the side. Five worked as a tutor and planned to sign up for college classes in the fall. Diego worked at a ninja gym. Luther taught science to elementary schoolers. Viktor went back to teaching violin lessons, and he opened up a pastry stand at the local farmer’s market.

Klaus was working as a barista at a local coffee shop now, which was run by two hippies from California who said that they “liked his vibe”. Along with the inheritance money he’d kept, the job was able to pay the bills at a small apartment he lived in close to town. And he liked it. He liked making coffee and complimenting people on their outfits or asking them about the weather. It felt more human than anything he’d ever done. Plus, the roar of the espresso machines and the constant flow of people kept his mind off of things.

But the last few weeks had felt like slogging through mud. It was the last week of June, and everyone must’ve been busy, because they missed their monthly call. Work had become busier too, and lately, he’d gotten a regular that reminded him painfully of Dave. Klaus’s heart would clench every time the guy would walk in with his wife. On top of that, the grief and the loneliness that came with it felt heavier, somehow. No more apocalypse meant that he actually had to sit with his problems now. Waking up became a grueling task, and so did sleeping and eating. If Ben was still around, he’d probably say something snarky about Klaus’s current state, something preachy and motivational about personal responsibility and how life didn’t just get easy when you got out of the apocalypse cycle. He started to go into his old spirals again, about Dave and that night that that felt not so long ago now, or how everyone probably hated him (his favorite). He started to feel the pull of the brightly colored pills. More than anything, he wanted the comfort of the glossy alcohol bottles in the Walgreens to wash over him one more time. All he needed was something to numb it for a little while so he could get back on his feet. He managed to stay away from it though, at least for a little while. Partly because he had a sober streak going. Partly for his siblings. Mostly, it was because he knew he would hate himself even more if he relapsed.

But none of them could every stay away from their demons completely.

It happened slowly, which was the worst way that things could’ve played out. Slowly meant that you got used to it. Slowly meant it became a part of you again. A few bad days happened at the beginning of August, and nothing seemed to be working. Not crying in the bathtub or knitting or baking muffins at 2am (like Luther said). So after a particularly bad day, his eyes brimming with tears, he walked to the liquor store. One beer couldn’t hurt.

The drinks made everything feel less like it was going to fall apart. The first night after the liquor store, he made it through the night without waking up from the ghosts or the sound of shells and missiles in Vietnam. The bottles slowly started to pile up in his trash bin, and he started to wake up every day with a pounding headache and shaking hands. He hated who he saw in the mirror now. His old skin was back on: scheming and cold and secretive. This routine went on for a few weeks until he came to work drunk. His boss dragged him out behind the dumpsters and threatened to fire him. So the next day, he angrily drove to the dump and flung all of the bottles at the trash heap. He could do it. He wouldn’t slip back into that old version of Klaus again. He would try again this time, go to meetings and actually try to listen, buy a new cake pan and twenty bucks of yarn and claw and scream until this rough patch was over. Still, life had a way of turning everything he did upside down.

It was just one of those off days where he started to tear up as soon as he walked into his apartment. He’d spilled hot water all over himself at work, and then the Dave doppelganger walked in and offered to help him clean it up, and then on top of all that, he’d started to spiral, hyperventilating and clutching at his chest. His boss helped him off the floor and sent him home. He laid in bed for a few hours, staring up at the ceiling, wishing that Ben would appear there, or that his phone would light up with a new message from Allison or Diego. Even Five. He didn’t care at this point. Anything would be better than being alone like this. Night had settled in as he rolled out of bed and turned down the road to the liquor store again, for the first time in three weeks. He had butterflies in his stomach as he walked under the fluorescent lights and into the checkout line. The bottles looked like old friends, and he smiled all the way through the checkout line.

He missed how much it burned down his throat, how each drink tasted a little different but numbed the same. But something was off this time. Instead of everything getting all muffled and detached, it came back full force. None of the boxed wine or shots or mixers he drank helped. He was laid out on the floor now, dizzy with grief and completely helpless. Outside, the wind howled into the pitch black night. The loneliness was searing a bottomless hole in him, and he was scared. Not disgusted like he usually felt, not angry, but scared. He was afraid of the way he couldn’t stop crying, of the pool of vomit that had formed on the linoleum floor, and most of all, he was afraid to look at himself in the mirror again. He didn’t want to see who he was becoming. He pressed himself harder to the floor and wished he would just disappear, but something screamed at him in the back of his mind. You need to go somewhere. Anywhere. If you don’t, you might not make it to the morning.

_____________________________________________________________

He only threw up one more time as he walked to Diego and Lila’s apartment. Despite all of Diego’s snark, he had always been good to Klaus. Sometimes they would go to a Waffle House or Griddy’s together when things got bad. Diego wasn’t the best at listening, but he cared, and that was enough to keep Klaus walking.

“Okay, fine. What about the girl at the gym? Is she, like, your crush now?” Diego asked.

“Well, you don’t really seem like you want to hear about her. But it’s fine.” Luther said, staring gloomily at his burger. He had come over that night for a few beers and to watch the soccer match that was on. Ever since they had come back from the 60’s, all of them talked to each other less, but it still felt nice to catch up once or twice a month. Suddenly, there was a knock at the door.

“It’s nine. What could they possibly be asking for?” Luther murmured, still looking hurt. Diego sighed and got up.

“Luther. I want to hear about her, you know. So you can stop pouting. I’ll get it.”

He opened the door to find Klaus standing there, drunk. But something felt off. Maybe it was the way he stood, hunched in on himself like he felt sorry for existing, or maybe it was the way he looked at Diego, like he needed help but couldn’t find the guts to ask for it.

“Hey, man.” Klaus managed a small smile and Diego could see that he had been crying. “Can I come in? It’s cold.”

Diego gulped and tried to gauge the situation. “Yeah, come on in.”

Klaus walked slowly past him through the door, swaying a little bit, and sat down across from Luther. Luther gave a confused look to Diego, but he just shook his head and filled 3 glasses with water.

“So you guys are hanging without me now?” Klaus smirked.

“No, that’s not-” Diego said. “I thought you were busy this week and Luther wasn’t doing anything tonight.”

“God, do none of you assholes care about me?” Klaus asked.

“Excuse me?”

“Yeah, none of you call me anymore! Is it just gonna be Dad’s funeral all over again? Everyone ganging up on poor old Klaus because he’s an easy target?”

“That’s not what happened and you know it.” Diego said.

“Oh, sure it was! Where were you the night I got kidnapped by the masked idiots, huh? I spent ten months of my life in a war, and none of you even bothered to ask. I had to sit you down six months ago and EXPLAIN it to you.”

Diego laughed harshly. “Oh, is that what you wanna do? Compare our sob stories?” he slammed the glass of water on the table and got into Klaus’s face. “Newsflash, the world doesn’t revolve around you. It never did.”

“Okay, okay, guys.” Luther said. “Enough.”

Diego looked at him, dumbfounded. “Luther, you’re not pissed at what he just said?”

“No, Diego’s the asshole here!” Klaus exclaimed. “Diego, you-”

“STOP IT, OKAY?” Luther yelled. Klaus whimpered and covered his ears, and Diego stared down at the table guiltily. Footsteps came from the hallway and Lila popped her head out.

“Oi! What do you imbeciles not understand about creating a quiet testing environment? I have class tomorrow, and it’s late, got it? So wrap it up.”

Klaus opened his mouth and Luther shushed him. “Uh-uh. You. Shut it. Diego, you too.”

“What’s he doing here?” Lila gestured to Klaus.

“Long story. Hey, why doesn’t everyone just calm down and go back to what they were doing?”

“Sure.” Lila said. “But if I hear you nutheads shouting again, I’ll be the one disturbing the peace.”

“Okay, sounds great.” Luther gave her a tight smile and turned back to Diego and Klaus. “I know we don’t do the numbers thing anymore, but as the honorary Number One here, you two are acting super childish right now. We’re all adults here. Let’s just be mature about this, okay? Diego, you know better than to argue with anyone in this, uh, intoxicated state. And Klaus, you can’t just go pointing fingers at everyone when clearly, there’s another reason you came here.”

Diego and Klaus both nodded sheepishly.

“Klaus, you need to tell us what’s going on.” Luther continued. “Look, you need to realize that not everyone is out to get you. You can deflect all you want, but we’ll be here all night. Neither of us are letting you leave. Right?” He shot a look at Diego, but Diego just rolled his eyes.

“Really?” Klaus said. “I’m barely coherent enough to look at a stop sign. This whole conversation is like calculus to me. Remember when Dad used to make us do integrals? That was definitely a time, right?”

“All night, buddy. I’m comfortable right here for the next, what, seven hours?” Luther smiled. “Ready whenever you are.”

“God. Fine.” Klaus scoffed. “I’ll have you know that this is making me feel all prickly inside. And I don’t like it. I’m just tired, that’s all, okay? Nothing more than that. Can I go now?”

“Why’d you come here, then, man?” Diego exclaimed. “Thirty minutes ago, when you walked in through that door, you looked like you were going to…to fall apart right there. And now you’re just tired.”

“Oh, am I not allowed to be tired or something?” Klaus replied. “Sorry about that, I’ll save it as a reminder for next time I come here and disturb whatever little hangout you’re having over here.”

“Ay-ay-ay. Hey!” Luther interjected. “What did I say about being mature about this? You two just need to get off your high horse. We. Are not. Out. To get each other. Anymore. Do you understand?”

“Yeah, yeah, I got it.” Klaus said. “I guess I’ve, uh- I’ve just been missing Ben a lot lately. And Dave, too.”

“Makes sense.” Diego muttered.

“Everything-” Klaus sighed. “You know, I’ve just been so tired lately. It all just takes so. much. energy. And I’m getting really sick of it.” His voice broke. “Grief is hard, you know? It takes you to such weird places. Like the liquor store at 2am. I don’t know. I don’t know if I’m strong enough for this. Whatever this is.”

“Shit.” Luther got up and moved to where Klaus was sitting. “I’m sorry, man. Do you, um-” he gingerly put his arm around Klaus. Klaus nodded and swiped at his eyes, softly crying. Luther glared at Diego as if to say “are you going to do something or not?”

“Klaus, look, you got us, okay?” Diego gently pushed the glass of water towards him on the table. “You should stay here tonight.”

“I appreciate your concern, but I’ll be just fine. I probably should be going now. Just needed to spend a few hours around you two.”

“No. You of all people are not leaving this apartment.” Diego said. “Just tonight. Then I’ll drive you back.”

He got up and handed Klaus a bowl of chili Luther had made for the football game. “Get some calories in you before the hangover hits.”

“Okay.” Klaus sighed. “But only because I know you’ll probably both like, tackle me or whatever if I try to get out of here.”

“Wait, can I stay too?” Luther asked. “We haven’t had a sleepover since Elliot’s. And that was a while ago.”

Diego made a face. “We’re thirty, dude, we don’t have sleepovers anymore.”

“Well, isn’t that what this is?”

“Luther’s right.” Klaus said through a mouthful of chili. “I call dibs on the couch.”

“I call the futon, then.” Diego said. Luther looked disappointed.

“So I’m just supposed to sleep on the floor.”

“Yes, Luther, you are.”

Klaus smirked and Luther shook his head. “God. You two are impossible.”

_________________________________________________________________________________________

By the time they had cleared up dinner and Diego had gotten out of the shower, Klaus was asleep on the couch and Luther was next to him on a cot he’d dragged out from the garage earlier.
It scared him to see Klaus like that-all vacant eyed and angry and sad. Diego sighed and flopped into bed, staring up at the ceiling fan. Suddenly, Lila jumped in next to him.

“Hey. Is he all right?”

“I don’t know. I haven’t seen him like this since Dad’s funeral.” he sighed.

Lila glanced over at him. “Shit. I knew something was off.”

“At least he’s sleeping now, I guess.”

“You know, just between you and me, your family annoys the hell out of me.”

“Yeah, you’re real good at keeping that under wraps.” Diego chuckled.

She elbowed him. “Well, they get on my nerves, but I think they should stay for dinner tomorrow. I’ll drag Klaus to my classes too. Make him carry my bag.”

“Klaus couldn’t stay still for more than thirty minutes in our Latin class. You really think he won’t dip as soon as he gets there?”

“Oh, shut up.” Lila huffed. “Maybe it could take his mind off of things. Either way, let’s just hang out with them for another day, okay?”

“For someone who supposedly hates my dumbass siblings, you’re really beating the allegations.” Diego simpered, getting up and walking to the door. “I’m sleeping on the futon tonight. Need to make sure Klaus doesn’t die in his sleep or something.”

“Alright. More bed for me then. Goodnight.”

________________________________________________________________________

The next morning, light had barely started to pour through the curtains when Klaus felt a tapping on his shoulder.

“Wha-? Ow.” His head rang with pain as Lila smiled devilishly down at him. “Oh god, not you again.”

“Morning, sunshine. What, not excited to see me? Am I not your best friend in the whole wide world?”

“No.”

“Well, that’s too bad.” She shoved his legs over and sat down on the futon. “You’re coming with me today.”

“For what?” Klaus whined. “I thought I was going home.”

“Oh, stop being such a baby. We’re going back to uni today.”

“Lila, I don’t think you want me to come with you. I mean, I didn’t even graduate from high school. If anything, I’d be an academic liability. You know, I’ll just-”

She grabbed both of his hands and pulled. “Come on, you don’t want to sit in on three whole college classes with me?”

He clutched at his head. “No, not really. Especially not with you.”

“I don’t think you have a choice.” she laughed. “Luther and Diego both have work today and you don’t have a car, so you’re stuck with me.”

He groaned dramatically.

“Jesus, you’re like an oversized toddler.” Lila said, throwing a pair of sunglasses at him. “Hurry up. You’ll need these. Also, we’ll get coffee on the way. You look like you need it.”
“Well, you’ve pretty much taken away all my choices.” Klaus grumbled. “Let’s go.”

_________________________________________________________

Klaus would never say it to her face, but hanging out with Lila all day wasn’t as bad as he thought it would be. The three classes he’d sat through-Brain and Behavior, Psych 1110, and Ancient mythology, actually seemed pretty interesting. All of the muddled up emotions from last night were still there, but it felt a little less heavy today. After class, he annoyed Lila while she did some homework at a coffee shop. Then, they met Luther and Diego back at the house for dinner. Luther made spaghetti and garlic bread, and it was the best meal Klaus had eaten in weeks. And although the four of them just argued about movies the whole time, he felt a little bit of warmth spark up in his chest. And it felt so, so good.
_________________________________________________________________________

“You good now?” Diego asked as he drove Klaus home after dinner.

“Yeah, thanks again for all that information on the marvel cinematic universe, I totally needed it.”

Diego turned onto Klaus’s road. “You know what I mean.”

“No, yeah, I’m fine. It’s all good now.”

“You sure?”

Klaus fiddled with his dog tags. “Thanks for worrying, really, but I’m gonna be okay, man. For real this time. Trust me.”

“Alright.” Diego pulled into the driveway and the car filled with silence. He drummed his fingers on the steering wheel and glanced at Klaus.

“You know I’m, um, proud of you, right?”

“Gee, thanks.” Klaus turned to him. “Wait, for what?”

“This. You know, coming back. Surviving. Shit, two timelines ago, I didn’t think I would last past the end of the world.

Klaus nodded. “You could get an award for that, probably. Sappiest speech made by adopted brother.”

“If you tell anyone about this conversation I’ll shank you in the stomach.”

“Of course you will.” Klaus got out of the car. “Well, see you later, asshole.”

“You can see yourself out, idiot.”

__________________________________

~One month later~

It had been Five’s idea to do the fall roadtrip. The trees were changing, and it wasn’t as hot out. So far, it had been a good (but chaotic) time. They’d stopped at too many state parks to count, eaten at too many crazy restaurants, and explored a bunch of places off of whatever highway they happened to be on that day. But the last few days had them all on their last nerve. Being crammed in a minivan with six people was hard. But being crammed in with the six most annoying people on the planet was even worse. Multiply that by ten days, and there was a classic Hargreeves family argument waiting to happen.

“We need a break, Diego.” Five snapped, leaning over from the passenger seat to turn off the radio. “I don’t care if we have to drive in the dark.”

Diego switched the radio back on. “That’s a stupid choice. We’re not stopping in the middle of nowhere New Mexico just because you guys are sick of being in the car. We’re not cowards.”

Allison scoffed from the back of the van. “I can’t believe you’re bringing the hero complex into a road trip. Wow.”

“Oh my god, just let Five enjoy this for once.” Luther added. “We have time. We’re almost there. Everyone just needs to chill.”

“You want him to chill?” Lila whipped around to face him. “You’ve been backseat fucking driving for the last, like, seventy-five miles!”

“Have not!”

“Have.”

“Have not. Look, maybe if Viktor just drove faster then maybe we’d be there in time and no one would be complaining right now.”

Klaus nodded and Viktor elbowed him. “Hate to admit it, but it’s true.”

“Yeah, says the person who hasn’t driven a single leg of this trip.” Allison said.

“You want to talk about driving right now, Allison?” Diego chuckled. “I drove through the first goddamn third of New Mexico, and I’m driving right now, so once we get to the hotel-”

“Who drove all the way through Illinois, Diego?” Viktor exclaimed.

“Not the whole way.” Lila said, shoving Klaus back into Viktor’s side.

Viktor made a face. “Oh my god, I swear, Lila, your voice pisses me off so, so much-”

“Viktor!” Diego shouted.

“Well, if it wasn’t for me, your sorry asses would still be stranded in Illinois right now.” Lila said leaning up against the window.

“Congratulations!” Five exclaimed. “You all survived a roadtrip in a perfectly operational, air conditioned car! At least the engine wasn’t eaten out by packrats and there weren’t 9 inch stainless steel screws in the tires. Jesus.”

“What, is that some weird reference to the apocalypse or something?” Diego snapped.

“Actually, yes, it was, and by the way, you’re lucky we didn’t get stranded because I would’ve strangled all of you and tossed you to the wolves.”

“Okay, okay!” Allison shouted, pinching the bridge of her nose and leaning her head against the seat. “Will everyone just please stop talking? I have been in the back end of this car for the last three hours and if I hear anyone start arguing again I might go crazy.”

“No, no, I think we should continue this conversation.” Klaus said. “I mean, you and Diego started it after all.”

“Someone get me out of here.” Luther muttered.

Lila turned around to face him. “No chance, big boy, you’re suffering with the rest of us.”

Allison sighed. “Klaus, I am not. Doing this. Right now. Especially not with you.”

Klaus gasped in pretend shock. “Moi? What do you mean?”

“You just instigate shit.” said Viktor. “You’ve always been like that. Like, ninety five percent of the time you open your mouth, too.”

The car got quiet.

“What, like that’s not a good thing?” Klaus said.

“No, because you’re just going piss everyone off more than they already are.” Allison said tiredly.

“And now you’ve ruined the mood.” Lila muttered. “Nice job.”
_________________________________________________________________

They made it to Albuquerque by that night, and booked two rooms at a small motel off the highway. Diego, Lila, Viktor and Klaus took one room, while Allison, Luther, and Five took the other. Everyone was pretty worn out and too tired to even pick a fight by then. All everyone really wanted was a hot shower and a bed.

“So I guess we’re sharing tonight?” Klaus flopped onto the bed and stared up at Viktor.

Viktor groaned and fell next to him. “If you kick me even a little bit I will explode your head.”

“Well, good news, no one wants to touch you either.”

“Shut it, you mofos. I’m trying to sleep.” Diego pulled the covers over his head.

“You know, I would pay to watch you two go at each other.” Lila said.

Viktor rolled his eyes and crawled into bed, putting a pillow between him and Klaus.

“Oh, don’t worry. The feeling’s mutual.” Klaus said, reaching over to ruffle Viktor’s hair.

“It better be.” Viktor muttered into the sheets. “Night.” He switched the light off and the room plunged into darkness.

It always went like this when he tried to sleep. The ghosts would come slowly at first, whispering to him, staring hungrily at him, scraping his scalp with their icy fingers. His stomach flipped as he waited for them. But tonight it was just a little girl, rocking back and forth. She wore a gas mask, and he could hear wet crying sounds from underneath it. He shuddered and turned over to see a man standing over Viktor, staring at him and smiling. The man glimpsed Klaus and smiled harder, bulging out his eyes and stroking Viktor’s hair.
Maybe if Ben were here he would be able to sleep. To be fair, Ben probably would’ve called him a jackass for not helping the little girl. But he also wouldn’t have been afraid of the man in the corner like Klaus was.
He’d always been kinder than the rest of them, and braver, too. Klaus wished with everything he had that Ben would appear there on the edge of the bed, in his emo hoodie and too-small leather jacket. They’d probably argue, but that would be okay. Anything would be better than staring up at the ceiling in this small hotel room and praying that the ghosts would go away.

“Vik.” he whispered. “Viktor. Hey.”

“Shhhh.” Viktor replied.

“I can’t sleep.” The man in the corner began chanting a nursery rhyme in what sounded like tongues, and he pressed his hands to his ears. Please, no, not now.

“Well, neither can I, if you keep waking me up like this”

Klaus folded his knees to his chest and shuddered. Viktor groaned and reached over to flip on the light, and the man faded away.

“Okay, god, Klaus, what’s wrong?”

“It’s, um-” he took a deep breath.

“Ghosts again?”

He nodded. Viktor gave him a sympathetic look and handed him a small ipod and a pair of headphones. “Here.”

“Thanks.”

Viktor nodded and took away the pillow in the middle of the bed. “Just pinch me if you’re actually in any mortal danger. But I take my sleep seriously, okay?” He switched the light off.

Klaus sighed and hugged his knees, putting the earbuds in. The man in the corner grinned and floated over to Klaus’s side of the bed. But before Klaus could even scream, he felt an icy finger touch the middle of his forehead.

And everything went black.
________________________________________________________________________________

He gasped awake before he realized that something felt off. His hands felt hazy, like they were made of light or fog, and he noticed the color of the bedsheets. Grey. He wasn’t in the hotel room anymore, and it all started to flood in. The sharpie scrawls between the posters on the walls. The Christmas lights. The nightstand full of rolling papers. This was his old room at the academy.

Shit.

The floors still creaked like they did all those years ago, and somehow that made his heart sink deeper in his chest.

“Five? Diego?” he ventured. Nothing. He walked out into the hallway. The house was still as empty and dark and cold as it had been when Reginald died. Suddenly, he heard heavy footsteps coming up the stairs. Luther, maybe? The footsteps got closer and closer, and as Klaus rounded the corner, he saw Dave standing there.

“Hey, beautiful.” Dave smiled. Klaus couldn’t speak.

Dave was finally home. The one who would kiss his temples when the ghosts of dead soldiers got too loud. The one who would take away the bottle on the hard nights and who would save the little money he had to buy them both coffee the next morning. And he stood here, whole and blissfully alive now, his uniform hanging so beautifully off of his body, holding a bouquet of flowers with a big, boyish smile on his face. Finally home.

“They stopped the war, baby. They told us to go home and I bought the first ticket I could to come over here. To come home to you.” He took a few steps forward before Klaus pulled him in for a kiss.

“You’re alive. Oh my god, you’re alive. I love you.”

“Well, duh, silly, if I was dead I wouldn’t be here.”

Klaus laughed and it felt like a dead weight came off of his shoulders. He cupped Dave’s face in his hands and looked into his blue eyes. “You’re so goddamn beautiful. You know that, right?”

“Oh, stop it.” Dave gently touched one of Klaus’s curls. “Besides, you’re way more handsome than I could ever be. Come on, I’m making dinner. What do you have in the fridge?” He gave Klaus a playful push down the hall and then coughed. It sounded painful deep.

“Actually, I haven’t gone to the grocery store yet today, but whatever you want to make me would be absolutely divine. You okay?”

Dave grinned. “Sure. Nothing a good soup can’t fix, right? Must’ve gotten something from the bus.”

He coughed again, doubling over onto his knees. His shoulders shook and Klaus cried out, kneeling beside him and rubbing his back. Dave sat up, but still struggled to get a breath in as his face turned red. The coughs came faster now, and he looked up at Klaus, panicked. A trickle of blood ran down the right side of his mouth.

“No, no, no, Dave, just stay with me, please.” Klaus cried. “You just-you just got here. God, it’s been five fucking minutes, please.”

The flower bouquet still laid on the ground where Dave had dropped it as Klaus gently helped him sit against the wall. Dave’s whole body shook now, and Klaus felt himself start to hyperventilate. He grasped Dave’s hands in his, and they were shaking. Dave started to grab at his throat, and fell into a fetal position, still spluttering. Klaus began to scream.

“NO, NO, NO! DAVE! No, LOOK AT ME! Please, stay with me, okay? I can’t have this happen twice, I can’t, I can’t-”

He’d seen this all before. The trench. The bloody uniforms. Dave’s lifeless face as he laid there on an unmarked battlefield in Vietnam so far from home and family and-

He had only looked up for a brief second, for anything that could help them, but it was too late. Dave went still, and Klaus screamed as sobs wracked his body.
___________________________________________________________________________

An alarm blared, and Klaus flinched. Dave had just been there, in his arms. And his hands were warm. He could still feel the stubble under his fingertips and the way Dave’s arms had wound around him like vines, tight and sure. He tried to take a breath, but it hitched in his throat and he started to cry as he grasped for a pillow to muffle himself. Only when he looked down at his shaking hands did he realize that he was in a completely different place. He peeled back the covers and swiped at his eyes. An old-timey clock sat on the end table, and the gray couch cushions sagged under him. He could see a man's hat and an umbrella in the foyer and a pair of rabbit ear antennae on top of the TV. He had woken up in Allison’s house in Dallas.

“Not again.” he groaned.

“Oh please, Klaus, stop crying.” Ben walked into the foyer wearing the academy uniform.

“Ben? Wait, when did you get here?”

“You know, you can’t just keep getting blackout drunk so that you have dreams about him. Allison is getting tired of you too, you know that?”

“What do you know?” Klaus exclaimed. “You’ve been-where’d you even come from? Besides, I didn’t even-look, I have no idea how I even ended up here.”

“We all know your games.” Ben retorted. “You play dumb and you guilt trip everyone until we leave you alone. You’ve always been that way.”

Klaus scoffed. “Well, why are we even having this conversation? I’m obviously not worthy of your time. Gee, I’m sorry, Your Highness.”

“I hope you’re gone when we come back.” Ben started to walk out the door.

“We?! Where are you going?”

“On a mission, dumbass.”

Klaus laughed. “Newsflash, Ben. No one can see you but me.” Ben shook his head angrily and stomped over to Klaus before smacking him on the head.

“OW!”

“Yeah.” Ben rolled his eyes. “You’d better sober up before I come back or I’m talking Allison into kicking your alcoholic ass out.” he angrily walked out the door.
“Wait, Ben! You’re-you’re alive now too? Did I miss something?” He let himself fall back onto the couch, exhausted. Five minutes later, it was like a trance had come over him, and he was asleep again.
____________________________________________________________________________

He woke up this time to voices in Allison’s dining room. His head throbbed, and it was hard to get up, but he stumbled over anyway. Luther, Allison, Diego, Five, and Viktor all sat at the table, staring straight ahead. Ray, Lila, and Sissy were there too, and no one looked at him when he came to sit down at the head of the table.

“Well, thank god you guys are here. I saw Ben earlier and apparently he’s not a ghost anymore.”

Everyone turned to glare at him.

“Is this the addict you were talking about?” asked Ray.

Allison nodded. “Guess what? He couldn’t even last three years without relapsing. Amazing, huh?”

Ray shook his head and sighed. “Disappointing, if I do say so myself. He has the willpower of a fly.”

“He could never take himself seriously.” Diego said. “Thought everything was a goddamn joke. I found him passed out in his own vomit twice. Pissed himself one too many times in an alleyway, too. I should’ve just left him there when we had that bad freeze a few years ago.”

“What? Diego-” Klaus’s cheeks burned with shame, and he felt like crying. “I’m not that kind of person anymore.”

“He was always the weakest out of all of us. Made excuse after excuse after excuse. No wonder he ended up on the streets. Where he belongs.” Luther continued.

Viktor nodded. “I didn’t even know I had powers for twenty nine years, but at least I made something of myself. What did he do? Buy drugs in a dirty alleyway and steal from Dad occasionally?”

“I wouldn’t let him around Harlan. Ever.” Sissy said.

“The trick is to pretend like you like him.” Five said. “He’s too dumb to read between the lines.”

Lila laughed. “Shame. I was just beginning to like him, but he sounds so pathetic.”

“He is.” Diego agreed.

“Waste of space.” Luther added.

“I mean, let’s be real here, guys.” Allison laughed. “Everyone who’s ever loved him has left, eventually.”

“What a shitty record.” Five smiled to himself. “Must mean he’s a sad excuse for a person.”

The whole table broke out into laughter, and Klaus couldn’t speak. His ears rung with their comments. Pathetic. Waste of space. Should’ve left him there to die. He felt sick as he slowly got up from the table, and he didn’t feel connected to his body anymore as he walked to the door. Tears streaked his face as he blinked back against the bright Dallas sunlight. Well, if that’s what all of them really thought about him, he knew what he had to do next. The sun beamed hot on his back as he made his way down to the street. When he reached just past the closest stop sign, he walked into the road and laid down with a smile on his face.

Nothing really mattered now. Nothing ever did. Not only did his family hate him, their partners did, too. Dave had died twice now and Ben didn’t want anything to do with him. In fact, they probably wanted him to do this. They probably would have watched.
A car came speeding down the street, light glinting off the hood, and Klaus smiled wider. He felt his hands shaking as he reached down to touch the dogtags one more time. Tears streamed down his face as a thought kept running through his head. I should’ve done this a long time ago.
The car was close now, and he braced himself, but a pair of hands grabbed him roughly and pulled him out of the road. Ben stood over him, shaking his head. But this time, he was wearing what looked like a black hoodie and black jeans.

“Klaus! What the hell are you doing?”

He sat up and shrugged. “I didn’t think anyone would mind. Least of all you.”

“Oh my god, spare me the agony. What did I do this time? Tell you not to do drugs? Confront your stupid cult? Rescue Viktor before the world ended?” He kicked a stray rock on the sidewalk and sighed. “Just tell me.”

“You don’t remember? You said that you hoped I was gone when I saw you this morning at Allison’s. Slapped me. Called me an alcoholic. Which I probably am, but that’s beside the point.”

Ben looked stunned. “Wait, that wasn’t-I didn’t-”

“You said that you had to go on a mission, and when I woke up again, you were gone. Then everyone else just went ham on me after you left. Full on verbal assault. You know, the guys. Allison. Hell, even Lila joined in.” His eyes prickled with tears and he felt himself beginning to yell. “They said I’m pathetic! That I’m just a junkie who deserved to lose everyone that I loved. Diego said that…that he should’ve left me out there to die when we had that bad storm a few years ago. And look, Ben, I know that I’m an addict, deep down, okay? I admit it. But it really fucking hurts to hear your family say it like that! Like they’ve just been holding it in for so long. You know, I really thought we were getting somewhere recently. I mean, Luther hasn’t slammed me into a wall since the funeral. Five hasn’t called me an addict. Neither has Diego. And I’ve been getting better, man! I’m trying so fucking hard. Every goddamn day. But I guess it doesn’t matter anymore.” He let out a harsh laugh to mask the sob in his throat. “What’s the point? When the person you love dies for a second time and you find out that your whole family thinks that you’re a useless, pathetic piece of shit, you’d lay down in the middle of the road, too. I’d bet you a hundred bucks.” He panted and swiped at his eyes.

Ben closed his eyes and let out a breath. “Hey, come here.” He pulled Klaus into a hug. “I’ve got you, okay? For now.”

“You don’t hate me?” Klaus said wetly through his tears.

He shook his head. “You’ve been a pain in my ass for the last twenty something years. And I’d do it all over again.”

“But today, when I saw you earlier-”

He felt Ben tense up. “It’s because this is all a dream. That version of me you saw? That wasn’t me. But I’m real now. I’ve just never seen you look that…hurt before, you know? So I used up my free afterlife pass to come down here.”

“Overachiever.” Klaus smiled, and Ben let go, shoving his hands into his pockets.

“I know it feels real here. But it’s not. We’re in your head.” He pointed at Allison’s house down the street. “They’re just pieces of your mind talking to you. So was Dave.”

“But how?”

“I still haven’t figured that out. But all of us have been through a lot. It’s normal to get trapped like this sometimes.”

“Do I have to wake up?” Klaus asked. He looked down to see his hands shaking again. “I mean, maybe we could figure this place out. You could protect me. We could stay here, hang out. Be bros again! But it’ll be like a do-over this time, because we can slap the shit out of each other now!”

Ben laughed, but his eyes looked sad, and he sat down on the sidewalk. “Look, even if I wanted to, I couldn’t.”

“But what about the free pass?” Klaus said, sitting next to him. “I could show you how to game the system. I can see ghosts. I’m sure there’s a way to negotiate with the dead or something.”

“I lied.” Ben muttered sheepishly. “I’m sorry. I just didn’t want to hurt you more. I didn’t want to be another person you lost.”

Klaus hung his head. “But what do I do once I wake up? What if they all turn on me like a pack of rabid cats and tear me to pieces? And I go and I walk to the highway and-”

Ben laid a hand on his shoulder. “I know it’s hard. And that you’re scared. But they love you. All of them. You would do anything for them, right? They would do the same for you.”

“Really?”

“They’re trying too, you know. You just need to get out of your head more often so you can actually see it.”

A woman came out of the house from across the street. “Ben! Are you coming, honey?” she called.

“It’s time, I guess.” he smiled sadly, getting up . “I’d never say this, but I miss you. Tell everyone I miss them, too.”

“Already? Is this the last time I’ll see you?”

“I think so.” Ben’s voice wavered and Klaus punched him softly on the shoulder.

“You always did know how to make a grand exit, shithead.”

Ben nodded and swiped at his eyes as he began to walk across the street. “If I don’t turn around this’ll be easier.”

“I’ll miss you.” Klaus choked out. “You idiot assface moron.”

Ben had reached the door now, and he turned around to flip Klaus off. “I probably won’t see you again, so, um. Love you. Don’t tell anyone I said that.”

“Wait, are you crying? Ben!”

Ben just smiled as the door clicked shut behind him.

___________________________________________________________________________

Klaus winced. His stomach hurt, and he curled his knees up to his chest. Everything had felt so real. The blood dripping off of Dave’s face. Allison’s dining room. The way they laughed at him. The road beneath his skin. Ben’s hug before he left.
And now he was here. The air conditioner hummed steadily and Viktor shifted next to him, but he wasn’t glad. He could only feel the lump in his throat and the heavy sadness blanketing his whole body. He wiped his eyes and laid there, trying to process it all. But the tidal wave of grief came over him before he could react, and he grabbed a pillow and held onto it to try and muffle his sobs. He let himself slide off the bed and into a ball on the floor. And a secret part of him hoped someone would wake up and notice him sitting there, weeping until his stomach hurt and the sheets were wet. Maybe they would yell at him for being such a crybaby. Maybe they would hug him. Or pat him on the back a few times. That would’ve been nice.

After it felt like he’d cried out all the liquid in his body, he looked up at the clock. Only about 30 minutes had passed since he’d woken up, and there was no way he could get back to sleep now. He stumbled into the bathroom and splashed some cold water onto his face when he noticed the bottle of mouthwash near the sink.

‘You’re hurting, Klaus,’A voice said. ‘You’re hurting and it’s midnight and no one is going to come for you. Better to feel something now than soul crushing grief. Don’t worry, I’ll take good care of you. They’re not watching. No one is.”

He hesitated for a second. Not now. Not after what just happened. He imagined Ben sitting there, judging him. Then the image of Dave on the academy floor flashed in his mind, and he remembered how his siblings laughed at him in the dining room. He grabbed the mouthwash and downed it in one gulp.

‘Come on,’ the voice whispered. ‘You need more. More won’t get them back, but more will numb. And that’s what you need right now.’

Right.

Klaus tiptoed quietly back into the room and grabbed the whiskey and two flasks he’d brought on the trip. He hadn’t originally planned to bring them, but there had been a few of these nights on the trip, and he had walked down to a gas station to buy alcohol. So far he had been able to hold off, but tonight had been particularly bad. The trench coat at the bottom of his suitcase revealed a dirty red solo cup, and he grabbed it and went back into the bathroom.
‘You’re going to be all better after this, Klaus.’ the voice said. ‘I swear.’ He smiled as he sat in the tub and poured drink after drink for himself. He downed cupfuls of the dark liquid until he could barely stand and the whiskey bottle clinked emptily. But now he was starving.
He left the bottle in the bathtub and took the two flasks back into the room, stashing them in his book bag and drunkenly walking out into the night.

He didn’t know how he managed to make it down the waffle house near their hotel. By the time he got there, everything in his line of vision spun and tilted so much that he felt like throwing up. The waitress gave him a look as he slumped down into a booth, but she threw him a menu anyway.
______________________________________________________________________

Viktor tossed and turned under the blankets. The room had gotten too hot, and he silently cursed Klaus for being a warm sleeper. He turned over to check if he was awake, but the bed was empty.
Klaus was gone.
Icy panic shot through him as Viktor sat straight up. Klaus’s book bag wasn’t here, but his luggage sat disheveled near the bed and the bathroom light beamed into the dark room. He got up to investigate, but there was no sign of him, just an empty whiskey bottle in the bathtub. Where the hell could he have gone? He threw on some clothes, slipping past Diego and Lila, and out the door.
_________________________________________________________

The moon shone brightly as Viktor paced frantically around the parking lot. If I were Klaus, where would I be right now? He started to panic. Klaus could be anywhere by now. The waffle house sign radiated fluorescent light from down the street. Maybe they would’ve seen someone tonight. Waffle House tends to attract weird people, right?
He started down the street.
_________________________________________________________________

The Waffle House was surprisingly quiet when Viktor walked inside, apart from a table of drunk college kids in the corner. He looked around nervously, and the waitress gave him a tired glance.

“Can I help you?” she asked.

“Yeah, I’m looking for-” His eyes scanned over a corner booth, and he saw someone slumped over a plate of waffles and orange juice, crying. “-Him. He’s my brother. Sorry.”

She nodded. “You should take him home. He didn’t look good when he walked in here.” Viktor nodded frantically, not paying attention to what she was saying, and stepped closer.

“Klaus?”
He sat up a little and swayed, and there were tear tracks all over his face.

“Hey, Vik.” he said quietly.

Worry twisted Viktor’s stomach as he slid into the booth across from him. “You’re drunk, aren’t you.”

“No, no. When have I ever been drunk?” he slurred. “Hey, everyone, this is my brother Viktor. Me llamo Viktor. I come in peace.” he laughed. Viktor sighed and tried to push down the anxiety that was building in his stomach.

“Come on, Klaus-”

“Do you want some?” Klaus held up his orange juice and smirked. “It’s spiked.”
Viktor rolled his eyes and begrudgingly took the cup. It was going to be a long night, after all. He took a sip and instantly recoiled.

“Oh my god, what’d you put in this?”

“It’s my wholeeeee stash.” Klaus giggled, and grabbed for the cup again.

“Okay, okay, no.” Viktor pushed it out of his reach. “I’m taking you home. We’re going home.”

“Nooo.” Klaus whined. “Viktor, please, no, not right now. Why right now?”

“Because you look like shit.”

Klaus reluctantly tried to stand up, but the sudden movement knocked the plate of syrupy waffles onto his lap.

“Oh no.”

“What?” Viktor asked.

“My waffles.” He blinked slowly for a second before starting to crumble, and Viktor could finally see all of the raw nerves Klaus had so desperately been trying to hide. Klaus made another move to try and grab some napkins from the dispenser, but he knocked the cup of orange juice onto his lap.

“Damn it, why can’t I do anything right?”

“Hey, don’t say that.” Viktor said. “It happens, okay? Let’s just go home.”

Klaus nodded glumly. “Okay.”

The waitress gave Viktor a tired smile as they left, and the two of them made their way up the street. Klaus clutched at his stomach.

“I don’t feel so good.”

“Yeah, probably because you almost gave yourself alcohol poisoning.” Viktor huffed.

“No, it’s like that one time I ate Elliot’s ambrosia and got sick for two days. My stomach.” Klaus said.

“Wait, you actually ate that? Ew.”

“What? It was good.”
Suddenly, Klaus stopped in his tracks and doubled over. Before Viktor could react, he had thrown up all over himself. He groaned and wiped his mouth.

“Shit, you got it all over yourself.” Viktor muttered, rubbing his back reassuringly.

“Yeah, happens all the time.” Klaus said weakly.

Viktor frowned. Klaus had gotten a lot better with everything once they’d gotten back to 2019 and there was no impending threat of death or losing someone anymore. He’d only had a few nights like this since April, where he’d shown up at one of their apartments, strung out and crying. And now Klaus’s normally bright green eyes just looked tired, and it made Viktor’s heart sink.

“I don’t feel good.” Klaus whimpered.

“I know, I know, but we’re almost there, okay?” Viktor gently guided him to keep walking, but he stopped again. “Come on-”

“Do you ever just hate yourself?”

“Probably a little more than normal. Why?”

“Because-” his voice wavered, “Because I do. And if Ben was here he would probably start bitching about something and I wouldn’t have to think about this. Why did I do it? I just-I guess I just never figured out self control. Useless screwup. That’s what I am.”

Viktor squeezed Klaus’s shoulder sympathetically. “Stop it. I get it. I feel that all the time. But you’re not a screwup. Look, you’re-you’re kind, you’re accepting, uh, you never complain when one of us wants to go to Griddy’s late at night. You might not think so, but that says a lot about you already. Trust me.”

Klaus nodded.

“Okay, you need rest. Let’s go home.”

___________________________________________________________________________________

They made it back to the hotel room, and Viktor hoped no one would notice as they stepped into the hotel room. He was just starting to creep into the bathroom, dragging Klaus along with him, when the light clicked on.

“Woah, what are you two doing?” Lila whispered.

“None of your beeswax, Lila.” Klaus grumbled. Viktor shushed him.

“Too bad.” She smiled mischievously as she followed them inside and shut the door. “So, are you two here because of some late night brotherly bonding or am I missing something.”

Viktor glared at her. “What does it look like?”

“Shit. Sorry. Didn’t read the room.”

“Vik, these lights hurt.” Klaus whined. “Can you tell the person to please make them stop?”

“Hey, you’re okay, you’re okay.” Viktor reassured, guiding him over to the bathtub. “Here. Sit.”

Lila leaned against the doorframe. “Seriously though, you’re probably the most boring person I know. What could you be doing with him this late?” She gestured to Klaus, who was sitting on the corner of the bathtub, holding his head.

“I don’t know!” Viktor exclaimed. “I woke up, like, an hour ago, and he wasn’t here. I went to the waffle house down the street and found him there. We’re here now.”

“Shit, he doesn’t look too good.”

“Just help me get his shirt off.” Viktor sighed. “It has throw up all over it.”

They began to unbutton the shirt, and when they got it off, Lila crept quietly back into the bedroom and grabbed one of Diego’s shirts from his suitcase. But just as she was about to tiptoe back, Diego switched on the light.

“Lila? What’s going on?”

She hid the shirt behind her back. “Nothing, sweetie.”

“Who the hell is in our bathroom?”

Lila sighed. “How do I say this? Klaus fell off the wagon again and Viktor found him at the waffle house. You know, the one down the street.”

“Again?” Concern laced Diego’s voice.

“Come on.”

The hot water was running when Diego and Lila stepped into the bathroom. Klaus sat on the bathroom floor, hugging his knees to his chest and crying. Viktor turned to them, frazzled. Dark circles hung under his eyes and beads of sweat popped out on his forehead.

“A little help would be nice.” he muttered.

“My stomach doesn’t feel so good,” Klaus whimpered. “Vik-”

Diego shot a look at him. “Shit, he’s gonna throw up.” He quickly grabbed Klaus and dragged him over to the toilet, and Lila held his hair while he threw up into the cold ceramic bowl.

“You finished, bud?” asked Diego softly.

Klaus groaned and wiped his mouth. “Why am I always the one to fuck up?” he croaked.

“Klaus.” Lila sat next to him. “Come on, you’re way too drunk for this.” He squeezed his eyes shut and scooted his back against the bathtub.

“I think you just need to sleep this one off, bro.” Diego grabbed Klaus by the shoulders and helped him get up to his feet.

“Yeah, we can talk in the morning, but for now, I think Diego’s right.” Viktor said. Klaus didn’t look like he had heard anything though, his teary eyes unfocused and far away looking.

Lila waved a hand in front of his face. “Hey.”

“Dude.” Diego gingerly pulled him closer and wrapped him in an awkward hug. “Come on, man, work with us here.”

They made their way into the bedroom. Viktor grabbed Pablo and put him gently on the nightstand, and Diego guided Klaus over to the bed, but Klaus wouldn’t budge.

“Let go of me, dude.” Diego glanced into Klaus’s face worriedly, and pushed him into the bed, taking the space next to him. Klaus hung his head and leaned into Diego’s shoulder.

“Shouldn’t we get everyone else?” Lila asked, sitting on the other bed.

Diego and Viktor both looked at her like she was crazy. “No.”

“Okay, call me a coward, then, but if one of my siblings was in this state, I would want to know.”

“Yeah, says the only child.” Viktor retorted. “We’ve been dealing with this for what-”

“I’ve been the one dealing with it.” Diego cut in. Viktor suddenly looked defeated. “Sorry. Not the time.”

“I can still hear you guys, you know.” Klaus muttered.

Diego got quiet. “Yeah. Sorry.”

Lila shook her head. “Something’s not right. That’s it. I’m going.”
________________________________________________________________________

Out of all the things to happen on this roadtrip, Luther didn’t expect to see Lila standing outside the door, wearing one of Diego’s hoodies and a pair of shorts. She looked exhausted.
“Help.”

“Lila, are you okay? You look exhausted. What happened?”

She stepped closer. “Your clingy mess of a brother is crying on Diego’s shoulder right now.”

“Klaus?”

She nodded. “Get Five and Allison up too.”
__________________________________
Klaus still stared emptily ahead when Luther, Five, Allison, and Lila all got back into the room. Diego looked equal parts concerned, irritated, and tired, and Viktor just looked glad to see them. Allison and Five exchanged concerned glances.

“Shit, you look horrible.” Five breathed.

“Well, I feel great.” Klaus replied, with none of the usual sarcasm.

“So does anyone care to tell us what’s going on?” asked Allison.

Viktor looked exhausted as he rubbed his eyes. “I found him at the waffle house near our hotel. He was drunk.”

Five stalked over angrily and sat down next to Lila. “Okay, did you care to find out why, though?”

“Five, please, not now.” Viktor sighed. Allison caught his eye and shook her head.

“Come on, guys.” Luther said. “What’s going on with you, Klaus?”

“Aren’t you guys used to this by now?” Klaus said. “Little old Klaus on and off the wagon time and time again. So what’s different this time, huh? Why do you care all of a sudden?”

Diego looked exasperated. “Come on.”

“Yeah, didn’t know we were guilt tripping all of a sudden.” said Lila.

“Just stop it, Klaus, okay?” Allison said. “You’re scaring me.”

“Oh, me scaring you?” Klaus laughed. “None of you have even gone a day inside my head, in fact-”

Diego let out a surprised laugh as he got up. “I’m out. I’m out.” He crossed over to sit next to Five.

Luther shook his head at him and took Diego’s place next to Klaus. “Klaus, just calm down. Can you do that for me?”

“Oh, you want to talk about ‘none of you have gone a day inside my head’?” Allison snapped. “Let’s take it back to individual training-”

“I don’t think you can really speak on this one, Allison.” Viktor said. “Just saying.”

The room erupted into arguing and overlapping voices. Five held his temples as he watched them bicker around him.

“EVERYONE JUST SHUT UP!” he yelled. They all turned to look at him. “Come on. Use your words, you idiot.”

Klaus shook his head. “Look, I think I just need a few hours and some Xanax.”

“Well, none of us have that.” Luther said.

“Yeah, you’re shit out of luck.” Diego added. Klaus felt the tears starting to come again, and shame burned hotly in his face. He tried to push the panicky feeling deep down where no one could look at it, but everything hurt like hell right now-the lights and their concerned stares and the self-hatred that had settled itself deep into his brain. A sob clawed its way out of his body, but before he could do anything, he felt Luther’s big hands pull him back up.

“You know, the counselor at work told us during training that picturing a happy memory during a high-stress situation actually decreases cortisol levels.”

Five slow-clapped. “Therapist of the year.”

“Good one.” Diego mumbled.

“Well, at least I’m trying!” Luther exclaimed. “What are the rest of you doing, exactly?”

“Everyone, quiet!” Lila shouted. “We need to get ahold of this situation, okay?”

Allison scoffed. “Since when do you care?”

“Watch it.” Diego said.

Lila whipped around angrily. “Since I joined you goddamn basket cases on this trip!” Her voice wavered. “It’s late, all right? I’m just tired. And I’m sick of you assholes thinking I’m just some misfit that tagged along.” She sat down wearily next to Diego, and he squeezed her hand.

Five rolled his eyes. “Okay, now that we got that out of the way, can we get to the issue at hand, please? Klaus?”

“It’s stupid, Five, it doesn’t matter.”

“Yes it does, you dumbass.” said Diego. “Why do you think we’re on this godforsaken road trip in the first place? Because we hate each other?”

“Actually, I think all of us are masochists.” Lila said. “Some more than others.”

“Don’t listen to her. Look, as much as all of you are a pain in the ass to interact with, all I’m saying is that there’s a reason we’re here together right now.”

“And that reason is love.” Luther finished.

“I was gonna say it’s because we’re family, but I guess that was good, too.” Diego said.

“Just tell us, Klaus, please.” Allison said. “I’m starting to get worried. You don’t look…right. ”

“Fine.” He sighed and closed his eyes. “I saw Ben again. In a really fucked up dream.”

Diego leaned forward. “You what?”

Klaus got choked up. “It was a lot more than that.”
_______________________________________________________________________________

The room fell into silence after Klaus finished telling them. Diego and Allison both gave each other a look, and Luther looked like the wind had gotten knocked out of him. Five crossed his arms and sighed, and Viktor shifted uncomfortably next to him.

“I’m sorry.” Lila whispered, getting up and giving Klaus’s hand a squeeze.

“You know…you know we would never say those things, right?” Diego said. Klaus nodded.

“This has been going on for a while, hasn’t it?” said Allison.

“Yeah.” Klaus said quietly.

“Why didn’t you tell us, then?” Five exclaimed. “We live in the same town.”

“Yeah, well, you’re not the easiest person to open up to.” Lila replied.

“For fuck’s sake, Lila, I will slap you right now.” Five shook his head. “We could’ve helped you, Klaus.”

Diego looked confused. “Wait, so that night you showed up at the apartment drunk? That wasn’t the only time?”

Allison looked at Viktor. “Are we the only ones out of the loop here?”

“To be fair, you live half the country away.” Viktor replied. Allison elbowed him.

“No, I-” Klaus sat up and let out a tired sigh. “Look, ever since we’ve gotten back, it’s been off and on and off and on and on again. And I hate myself for it. Once a dumb junkie, always a dumb junkie, right?”
He laughed bitterly. “And ever since Ben isn’t here, hovering over me like a goddamn attack helicopter, I can drink whenever I want! In my bathroom, even! And it’s been six months and everything still reminds me of them. Like, that one regular that comes in all the time and the paperbacks at the library. It’s like a splinter that rubs against my foot that I can never get out.” He dragged a hand up his face and swiped at his eyes. “All I need is a break. Just for a little while. Then I can go back to being sad. Because..we’re the unlucky ones, aren’t we? Our wires are all fried and fucked up and they don’t connect right and we’re the ones that have to pay the price, even though we didn’t put this on ourselves.”

Everyone stared at him in stunned silence. Luther sat up uncomfortably. “Woah, Klaus, don’t-”

“He’s right.” Five cut in. “We are the unlucky ones. We got manipulated by a world famous asshole from birth and learned to kill people before we even knew what a fraction was. We get stuck in time and we can never seem to save the people we love. But look around. We’re not there anymore.”

Allison nodded. “If anyone should be dead right now, it’s us-”

“Jesus, Allison, not at two in the morning.” Diego groaned.

“-But somehow, we’re still here.” she continued. “After everything. And through all that, we stuck together.”

“That’s actually kind of beautiful.” Viktor said.

Five made a face. “Okay, enough with the speeches. It’s 2am and and we need to get on the road before rush hour tomorrow.”

“Here we go again.” Luther rolled his eyes.

Five shot him a look. “Klaus, you gonna hold up?”

“Yeah, I-I think so.”

“Good.” Five blinked away, and when he returned, he held a gallon jug of water. “Drink this for the hangover. It has electrolytes in it. And no hair of the dog, understand?”

Klaus took the gallon begrudgingly and nodded. “Ew, why is it sticky?”

“Don’t ask.” Five smiled and blinked away.

“I love how he can be an asshole in every situation.” Allison remarked.

“At least he never changes.” said Diego.

“He might be, but he’s a big softie underneath.” Viktor said. “Luther, can I have my spot back?”

Luther smoothed the sheets out longingly. “Can’t you sleep on the floor tonight?”

“You have a whole ass bed to yourself, moron.” Diego grumbled. “In the other room. Away from us.”

“Yeah, you are NOT sleeping in here.” Lila said. “And shut up, I’m going to bed too.”

“Viktor never steals all the sheets.” Klaus added.

Allison smirked and turned to Viktor. “Good luck dealing with them. Night, everyone.” the door shut behind her.

“Okay, I guess I have to go, too.” Luther got up and sighed, looking over at Diego and Lila, who were already asleep. “I still don’t get why we can’t have a family sleepover one of these times.”

Viktor dove into the bed beside Klaus, relieved. “We’re not ten anymore, man.”

“And besides, one of us would 100% be dead by morning.” Klaus added.

“Just you wait.” Luther pointed at them as he left the room. “I’m making it happen one of these days.”
__________________________________________________________________________________

After Luther left, Klaus started to fiddle with the dogtags again and Viktor looked up at him.

“You feeling any better?”

“Well, I just bared my soul to the six most emotionally stunted people I know. And before that you had to come get me at a waffle house where I threw up all over myself-”

“Is that some sort of weird backhanded compliment?” Viktor turned over and groaned into the pillow. “You always talk like you’re gonna tell the story of your life.”

“I was gonna say yes if you had just let me get to my point!” Klaus exclaimed. “Guess not, though.” He laid down facing Viktor and stroked Pablo’s soft head. “But you know you didn’t have to come looking for me, right?”

“I know. You would’ve done the same for any of us, though.”

“I’m such a mess.”

“Yeah, well all of us are. In our own special little ways.” Viktor stared up at the ceiling.

“I just get so lonely sometimes, and it starts to feel like a big tidal wave that just crashes down and destroys everything.”

“I feel that too. About Sissy, mostly. And Harlan.”

A beat of silence passed between them before Viktor spoke up again. “Ever since we’ve come back, I’ve realized something. We’re all we have anymore. Just the seven of us. We’re like orphans, sort of. And we fuck up constantly. But we’re there for each other in a weird way, right? And no matter how hard things get we don’t just leave each other behind like we used to.”

A small smile crossed Klaus’s face. “When did you get all family therapist?”

“Comes with my number 7 experience, I guess.”

“You’re a good brother, you know that?”

“Thanks.” Viktor smiled. “Okay, good talk, but I’m exhausted.” he reached over to flip off the light.

“Wait! Can you just keep it on? Please?”

“Klaus-”

“It’s the ghosts! They’re not as bad in the light.”

“Fine.” Viktor tossed the ipod at him again and flipped the covers over his head. “Goodnight.”

“I’m still rooting for the bedbugs to bite you.”

“Just shut up and go to sleep.”
______________________________________________________________________________

When Klaus woke up again, everything felt a little off. The light still shone beside him, but everything else in the room looked shadowy and eerie. The TV had been switched to a vintage movie channel, and a man in a dark suit shot somebody down a dark alleyway. He gasped and sat up as his hands flew to his ears. Suddenly, a hand touched his shoulder gently.

“Woah, woah, woah. You okay?” Allison whispered.

He relaxed. “I thought I was dreaming again. When did you get here?”

“I couldn’t sleep, so I came in to check on you. Viktor’s in the other room.” She muted the TV. “How are you holding up?”

A headache started to creep up as he massaged his temples. “Fine. Just a little headache.”

Allison grinned and squeezed his shoulder. “Here.” she handed him the sunglasses he’d bought in the sixties. “I kept these from Dallas and they’ve just been laying around my house. You’ll need them later.”

He laughed and leaned on her shoulder. “You’re the best, you know that?”

“I try.”
____________________________________________________________________

The sun had barely started to rise when Klaus had woken up, so Allison went down to the lobby to get them some coffee. They ended up staying on the old movie channel and drinking coffee as the others got up. By the time Five barged into their room with a ringing alarm clock, Allison and Klaus had made it halfway through Jurassic Park and Diego was hogging Lila’s plate of hotel pancakes.

“Oh. You’re all up. Great.” Five said. “Be ready in ten minutes. Luther wants to take us somewhere.

“Five, how is that even enough time?” Allison asked, but Five had already blinked away.

________________________________________________________________________________

They ended up crammed in the corner booth of a hole in the wall French bakery that Luther had looked up on Yelp. Although they’d already gotten some croissants for the table while they waited for their food, Klaus was sandwiched between Diego and Luther, which only made his headache worse.

“You know, I’ve been trying to perfect my croissants for a while now. I mean, they make them better here, obviously, but it’s tricky because you have to laminate the dough first.” Luther said.

“Laminating is for paper, stupid.” Diego said matter of factly.

Luther pinched the bridge of his nose. “I bet you don’t even know the difference between baking powder and baking soda.”

Allison reached over to grab her chocolate croissant. “When did you even have time to get so good at baking?”

Five turned to Viktor. “How long could it possibly take for them to cook a goddamn two egg breakfast? I could do that in under five minutes.”

“Five, they’re swamped right now. Chill.” Viktor said.

Lila took a bite of her croissant and shoved it in Five’s face. “Have a little patience, old man.” Five swatted her away.

“Oh my god, you guys.” Viktor reached across Five and swatted Lila away. “Can you just wait to kill each other until after, like, twelve?”

“I say it’s never too early.” Lila smiled. She held up her hand and Luther high-fived her. The table descended into bickering again as the waitress walked up to their table. Klaus’s head still pounded and he realized that he was still wearing Diego’s shirt.

But as he looked at everyone again-arguing and eating and stealing food off of each other’s plates-he felt the most normal he had in a while. Sunlight beamed in through the window and hit him on the back.

Maybe everything would be all right, after all.