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Once upon a time, there was a little boy named Bodhi. He had a pet cow called Alejandro, and they spent many lazy afternoons wandering the fields around Riorson House together, chewing long wild grass and mooing at things.
One day, Bodhi's best friend, Garrog, abandoned him to go lake-snorkeling with a girl named Pinky, who terrified all of them, including Garrog. Especially Garrog. Bodhi and Alejandro decided to go up the mountain to see if they could find any cool rocks up there instead.
Along the way, Bodhi saw something small and fluffy napping in the middle of the path. He turned to Alejandro and whispered, “What is that, Alejandro?”
Alejandro said, “Moo."
“That’s what I thought, too,” Bodhi nodded, leaning down to investigate the small bundle of fur.
It was a tiny little cat, with its paws tucked beneath its furry body and its tail curled around it.
Bodhi reached down to pick it up, while Alejandro mooed a moo of caution.
The cat was mostly brown, with odd silver paws as well as silver at the tip of its tail. That's funny, thought Bodhi. Never seen a silver cat before. Maybe he was going to be rich! Silver on a cat? That had to be worth something really excellent.
The sleepy little cat rolled over and stretched, blinked its little eyes, still gummy from sleep, and promptly started to yowl.
“Aww, sweet kitty.” Bodhi’s fingers tickled the cat’s soft underbelly. He laughed. It was so fun. He loved cats! And then something happened that he didn’t expect. He felt two sharp pricks on the top of his hand and two on the underside.
“Oww!” He yelled, causing Alejandro to let out a startled, “Moo!”
Turns out, Bodhi hated cats after all. They hurted him.
He dropped the soft—but also very sharp—little creature in his surprise, clutching his hand to his chest, tears welling in his eyes. The cat scampered beneath a flowery bush, only its silver tail visible beneath the brambles.
“Moo,” Alejandro said, and Bodhi knew what he meant was, “I told you so.”
He heard footsteps behind him, and a familiar voice said knowingly, "The problem is you're speaking Cow, not Cat."
"Ribbit!" Bodhi cried joyfully, turning around. His dragon a-venture buddy was so awesome. There wasn't a cool rock they couldn't find when they put their heads together.
"Sup?" Ribbit clicked the side of his tongue and pointed his fingers at Bodhi while making a little pew-pew sound. "Now where'd that cat go?" Ribbit said, looking around.
Suddenly, the most ominous sound that could be had on a-ventures rolled over the mountainside: thunder. Bodhi looked up at the darkening sky.
"Uh-oh," he said.
“Kitties don’t like thunder,” Ribbit said with a frown. “We better find her and get her inside.”
Ribbit laid down on his stomach before the flowery bush and made a strange sound to coax out the cat.
Bodhi tried to imitate him. “Meow!” and Ribbit laughed.
“You’re doing it wrong,” Ribbit explained. “It’s Mrowww not Meowww.”
Bodhi lowered his voice a little, trying to make the same growly noise in the back of his throat. It kind of tickled, but after a few tries (and one sneeze) Ribbit cried, “Yes! That was perfect.”
The two of them mrrooowed at the bush while the deep booms of thunder grew louder and closer, making the ground around them tremble. Wind whistled through the trees, blowing their hair into their eyes.
Another clap of thunder sounded above them, accompanied by a bright flash of lightning, and the tiny cat shot from the bush and into Ribbit’s arms with its own tiny, “Mrrow!”
“Quick, let’s go!”
The boys ran like hell down the mountain, leaping and jumping down the path and over boulders like goats, with Ribbit occasionally shouting, "Parkour!" which was a word Bodhi didn't understand. Alejandro plodded along behind them, his moos growing more and more distant.
By the time they reached the field outside Riorson House, icy cold raindrops were starting to hit the back of Bodhi's neck. The little silver-tipped cat howled.
ka-BAM!!
A big huge honkin' flash of lightning struck the ground right in front of them, and the boys went tumbling butts-over-teakettles on the grass.
The cat hissed and skittered across the wet ground, taking refuge behind Alejandro.
“No! Kitty!” Ribbit yelled. “Come back!”
The kitty mewled softly as Alejandro said, “MOO! MOO!”
“Whoa.” Bodhi took a step back. “Calm down, Alejandro.”
“MOO!” Alejandro responded.
Because Bodhi spoke cow a lot better than cat, he knew exactly what he meant, and turned around quickly to find two soaked figures racing up the lawn behind them.
“QUICK GET INSIDE THEY’RE COMING!” Garrog shouted, squelching past them, the flippers on his feet splashing mud everywhere. Running in flippers looked really tricky, Bodhi thought.
Pinky skidded onto the field behind Garrog, her feet scrabbling for purchase on the slippery wet grass. Her pink hair was plastered to her head by the downpour.
“THEY’RE FUCKIN’ HUGE!” she shrieked.
Bodhi looked at Ribbit. Ribbit looked at Bodhi. If Pinky was scared, whatever it was they were running from had to be, on a scale from one to dropping-dead-of-a-heart-attack, like at least a thirty-seven.
“Run!” Ribbit screamed and took off after Garrog and Pinky.
Bodhi turned to follow but stopped. “I can’t leave Alejandro!”
“Mooooooo.”
“And Alejandro won’t leave the cat!”
There was only one thing for it. Bodhi leapt for the tiny cat with the friendliest but firmest MRROW he could utter, and snatched the soggy little body into his arms before leaping onto Alejandro’s back.
The three of them galumphed after the others, gaining ground quickly because Alejandro’s legs were longer, and also he had four of them, which was useful. In his arms Bodhi felt the little ball of fur tremble.
They skidded through the open door to the house, lightning flashing brightly in the sky above, and Pinky slammed it shut behind them with a “FUCKSSAKE!”
All four kids gasped for breath, the sound echoing in the gigantic front hall. Bodhi’s heart felt like it was pounding out of his chest as he slid down off Alejandro’s back.
“What—were you guys—running from?” he panted.
“You are so lucky you didn’t see them,” Garrog said. “Do NOT go in that lake, dude.”
“Was it a sea monster?” asked Ribbit. His wet hair flopped into his eyes.
Pinky just shook her head. Prob’ly thermatized, thought Bodhi.
“Why are you guys all wet?” came a voice he knew well. His cousin Caden strolled around the corner, hands in his pockets—and then he stopped dead in his tracks and his gaze zeroed in on Bodhi. Or…on the little wet floof in Bodhi’s arms.
“Where did that cat come from?” Caden whispered, eyes wide. “I want that cat. I need that cat.”
“No fair!” Ribbit croaked, taking the kitty from Bodhi. “I found her. She’s my kitty.”
“Actually, I found her,” Bodhi mumbled despite not really wanting the violent fluff ball for himself. “And she bit me.”
He held up his hand for all to see. Four little pricks stood out on his skin.
“Moo,” added Alejandro.
Bodhi’s forehead scrunched as he thought about what Alejandro said. “Good point.”
“Well, DUH.” Pinky rolled her eyes at Alejandro. “Everyone knows that.”
“Knows what?” Ribbit asked, cuddling the wriggly furry body against his chest.
“That cats are the worst.” Pinky stuck her tongue out at the tiny creature as though it had offended her.
“I don’t care,” Bodhi’s big cousin said with a scowly pout. A scowt. “I’ll do anything.”
"Anything?" Garrog grinned. His flippers squeaked on the floor.
"Shuddup Garrog, you didn't even find the cat," Bodhi said. He patted Alejandro's nose. "Good cow," he said softly. "We don't need no cat."
"Moo," Alejandro nodded sagely.
Suddenly a caterwauling howl split the air as the little cat floof launched itself out of Ribbit's arms—"Yeow!" he howled as the little claws dug into his skin—and landed on Caden's head.
Everyone watched as the cat dug its claws into his hair and tried to keep its balance up there. Bodhi was very impressed at how still his cousin could stay even with a tiny violent cat on his head.
The tiny cat started prancing, pushing its paws into Caden's hair as if kneading dough. She started to purr.
"Look!" Bodhi said. "She's making biscuits out of Caden."
"CADEN BISCUITS!!!!" Garrog shouted and started running around them awkwardly in his flippers while flapping his arms like wings. "CADEN BISSSCCCCUUUIIITTSSSSSSS!"
Alejandro joined in with a joyful "MOOOO!!!" (He loved biscuits, even if he did not approve of cats.)
Caden lifted his hands above his head, dislodging the purring kitty from his dark hair and lowering her so that they were eye to eye.
“What’s your name?” he asked her in an almost-whisper, ignoring the cacophony around him.
“Meow,” she said, and licked his nose.
"I thought you said cats say Mroww, not Meow," Bodhi whispered to Ribbit.
Ribbit shrugged. "It's called nuance, Bodhi."
“Moo,” nodded Alejandro, swishing his tail.
“Are we getting biscuits or not?” Pinky asked with her hands on her hips. “I’m STARVING.”
“C'mon,” said Garrog, flippety-flopping toward the kitchen. Pinky followed him.
Caden stayed standing in the middle of the front hall, staring at the cat. Bodhi shook his head. Caden was weird.
Ribbit turned to Bodhi. “Guess let’s go bring Alejandro back for hay,” he said. Then he added with a sigh, “Wish I knew what those sea monsters were.”
Pinky called something back over her shoulder as she disappeared into the kitchen. Bodhi and Ribbit both shuddered at the word she said:
"Teenagers.”