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Mu Qing felt his heart pounding erratically against his chest as he watched in awe as Feng Xin got down on one knee. They’d talked about marriage, both agreed it was something they wanted, yet Mu Qing wasn’t expecting this, not now - not while he was in his final year of grad school, and Feng Xin was in the throws of helping Xie Lian run his family’s company…. It just seemed like poor timing. Yet Mu Qing was transfixed as Feng Xin grabbed his hand, golden eyes shimmering with tears in the dim streetlights.
Earlier that night, Feng Xin had taken him out to one of their favorite Indian restaurants. They’d made it a point to do weekly date nights after the disaster that was the first half of Mu Qing’s third year in grad school. He’d been consumed by his research and the death of his mother weighed heavily upon him while Feng Xin was working long hours helping Xie Lian with his company. They’d go days without seeing or speaking to each other, one of them crawling into bed at midnight and falling into a mindless slumber while the other awoke several hours later, mindlessly starting another day. Mu Qing had spiraled, left on his own. Things had gotten bad, yet in the end Feng Xin had been there to chase away the dark. And they’d gotten two adorable little kittens out of it, so while Mu Qing preferred not to think about that time of his life, several good things came out of it: kittens and regular date nights.
It was after that, they’d seriously started talking about marriage. Mu Qing wasn’t expecting to tie the knot until a few more years down the line, once he’d secured a job and had saved up more. Yet after dinner that night, Feng Xin dragged him to the nearby park, walking hand in hand down the lamp-lit pathway, taking in the serenity and tranquility. The park was deserted that late at night, turning into a quiet abode for the two of them. They’d stop and kiss in the middle of the path, giggling like they were teenagers in love who’d snuck out for a clandestine, midnight rendezvous with their illicit lover. They walked hand in hand, stealing kisses between hydrangeas and maple trees.
Slowly, Feng Xin directed him to the pier overlooking the small, man-made pond at the center of the park, a towering water fountain at the pond’s center. The night was clear, stars twinkling above them. Mu Qing sighed in contentment, leaning against Feng Xin, arms linked together. It was perfect; everything Mu Qing had ever wanted. Then, Feng Xin turned to him, misty eyed and said, “I love you, Qing-er.”
Suddenly Feng Xin was kneeling before Mu Qing, his hands clasping Mu Qing’s and nothing but love in his gaze.
That was how Mu Qing found himself in this predicament, watching as Feng Xin pulled a tiny velvet box from his pocket. Mu Qing’s breath caught in his throat, his eyes growing wide. Feng Xin held the box up, an offering - a promise. Mu Qing swallowed, staring at the small container, unable to process all the emotions inundating him. Nervously, Feng Xin popped the box open, revealing a gorgeous tungsten band with silver etchings on it - simple and sophisticated. Mu Qing couldn’t have picked a better one out himself.
A gasp escaped past Mu Qing’s lips and before he could stop himself, his hands were covering his mouth and tears had sprung forth. He’d never thought he’d be one of those people bawling their eyes out at a marriage proposal, yet here he was, falling head over heels into that trope.
“A-Xin.” He whispered, butterflies in his stomach, his heart engorging itself until he was sure it’d explode.
Clearing his throat, Feng Xin said, “I love you, Qing-er. And I’m done wasting time. I’ve known for a long time that I want to be your husband, so Qing-er, will you do me the honor of marrying me?”
Just like the first drops of rain, small droplets began to fall from Mu Qing’s eyes. His throat felt tight, words failing him. His vision blurred, yet he couldn’t look away from Feng Xin, from the ring held out before him, promising him forever.
Mu Qing crumpled, knees giving out and he threw himself into Feng Xin’s arms, holding onto this man for dear life - his partner, his fiancée, his husband. “Yes!” The confirmation was torn from his lips, shrill and filled with emotion. “Y-yes.” He sobbed, his cheeks wet, yet as he blinked away tears, he could see Feng Xin was crying too.
Then they were kissing, sloppy and tear-stained, yet it was the most magical kiss of Mu Qing’s life, so open and raw and powerful. As they parted, they stared at each other, then soft peels of laughter rang from their throats at what a mess they both were, completely and utterly falling apart at something as simple and mundane as a proposal. Yet Mu Qing knew this would be one of the most special days of his entire life, because Feng Xin wanted him. Wanted a future with him, an endless stream of tomorrows with him - he wanted Mu Qing.
It was everything to Mu Qing to be wanted.
“Fuck.” Feng Xin said, still laughing. Finally he took the ring from the box and slid it onto Mu Qing’s finger, which fit perfectly. Stupid idiot had likely taken one of Mu Qing’s rings to get the band fitted. “You said yes.”
Mu Qing nodded, grinning like a fool. “I did.”
“Fuck. Holy fuck. We’re going to get married!” He laughed, full bodied and loud, his chest shaking with excitement.
Mu Qing rolled his eyes, but he felt nothing but fondness for his boyfriend - no, his fiancée. “I’ll need to pick out a ring for you.” Mu Qing said, thinking about everything they’d need to plan, “We’ll have to pick a date and make a list of who to invite…. I think a small wedding would be nice, just us and our closest friends.”
Feng Xin nodded, then he jolted, a look of apprehension falling over him, “Yeah, we’ll have lots to figure out… but… ah - Mu Qing, there’s something we need to do first.”
Mu Qing arched his eyebrows, not sure why Feng Xin’s cordial mood was segueing into one of nervousness. “What’s that?”
“Ugh… my parents…” Feng Xin trailed off, not meeting Mu Qing’s gaze.
“Obviously we’ll invite your parents. And your sister and her spouse too.” Mu Qing assured. Feng Xin’s family lived overseas, but certainly they’d want to be there for their son’s wedding.
“No, that’s not it.” Feng Xin shook his head.
“Then what is it?” Mu Qing frowned.
“Ugh… well…” Feng Xin scratched the back of his neck, body rippling with anxiety.
Mu Qing exhaled and kneaded his forehead, the first tribulation of their engagement already upon them, “Feng Xin, if we’re going to be married, you need to be able to tell me things. So just spit it out.”
Feng Xin swallowed, “You remember how I come from a traditional Chinese family?”
Mu Qing nodded, “Yes….?”
“Well, before we can get married, we need my parents’ approval.” Feng Xin said tentatively, observing Mu Qing carefully.
Mu Qing narrowed his eyes, the overwhelming urge to punch his fiancée overtaking him. Would Feng Xin really not marry him because they didn’t have his family’s blessing? Why even propose to him without getting his family’s approval first? Yet Mu Qing could sense there was something else that Feng Xin had yet to say. “What aren’t you telling me?”
Feng Xin paled, looking exceedingly anxious, “So… since my family is rather conservative, to them marriage is between a man and a woman, and, well…” Feng Xin balked, growing more and more panicked with every word he said. “They kind of think you’re a woman.”
Mu Qing froze, mind going momentary blank. He’d been dating Feng Xin for almost five years, and granted he’d never met Feng Xin’s family since they lived overseas, Mu Qing figured Feng Xin had told them about their relationship… evidently not.
Deathly quiet, eyes serpentine, Mu Qing whispered, “Kind of?”
Feng Xin grimaced, “They think you’re a woman.”
Mu Qing silently fumed, “And why, Feng Xin, do they think I’m a woman?”
Feng Xin bit his bottom lip, gnawing at the pink skin until it was bright red, “I… ugh… showed them a picture of us when we first started dating. I had every intent of coming out to them, but they thought you were a girl… and I never corrected them.”
Mu Qing folded his arms and finally stood up, “And exactly how long were you planning on entertaining this farce?”
Feng Xin shrugged, also standing up, “It was never my intent to hide it this long.”
“So how are we supposed to get their approval if we suddenly drop ‘Guess what mom and dad, I’m bisexual and the woman you thought I was dating these past five years is actually a man’ on them? I’m sure that will go over swimmingly.” Mu Qing glowered, the night suddenly taking a sour turn.
There was a pause, then, “Maybe we don’t tell them right away?”
Mu Qing snorted, “What, are you proposing I pretend to be a woman to get their approval?”
“That could… work.” Feng Xin said hesitantly.
Mu Qing glared at him, wondering if it was too late to redact his yes. “Just how is that going to work? I pretend to be a woman, gain their approval, then at the wedding they discover I’m a man? I’m sure we won’t get any objections. Or what, do you expect me to walk down the aisle in a gaudy wedding dress?”
Feng Xin arched an eyebrow, clearly entertaining this idea.
“No.” Mu Qing snapped, shutting that notion down. He was not wearing a stupid, frilly gown on his wedding day.
Feng Xin raised his hands placatingly, “Ok, ok. No wedding dress.” Feng Xin pondered for another moment before continuing. “Look, we just need my parents' approval. Once we get that, we’re golden. As for the actual wedding, I’ll tell them we want a private wedding, just us, and once we’re married we can break the news to them.”
None of this sounded like a feasible plan to Mu Qing. Why postpone the inevitable? Unless his parents' blessing was really that important to Feng Xin. If that was the case, wouldn’t he want his parents at the wedding? “Don’t you want your parents there?”
Feng Xin ran a hand through his hair, “I mean, kind of, but not if it’s just going to cause issues. Like I want them to meet you before we get married, but I also don’t want to cause any additional strife before the wedding and before your graduation.”
And Mu Qing pretending to be a woman wasn’t adding fuel to the fire? Still, maybe Feng Xin had a point, detain this ticking time bomb until they’d dealt with their current issues. Mu Qing didn’t like it and knew the only way it could end was catastrophically, yet for some inane reason, he found himself relenting to his fiancée’s deranged plan.
“Fine.” Mu Qing huffed, folding his arms, “I’ll go along with it and pretend to be a woman when they come to visit. We’ll be a perfectly normal heterosexual couple and get their approval, then figure out how we tell them after.”
Feng Xin grinned, a wide, beaming smile that melted Mu Qing’s icy heart. “You’re the best, Qing-er. Thank you so much. I promise I’ll make this right, ok? Thank you so much for doing this for me.” Feng Xin hugged him, one of his bone-crushing hugs that squeezed all the air out of Mu Qing’s lungs.
All Mu Qing could do was shake his head and hug his fiancée back. For better or for worse, he’d agreed to this insane plan.
__________
“This is the stupidest thing I’ve done in my entire life.” Mu Qing grumbled, staring at himself in the mirror. While he had rather effeminate features to begin with, his physique was irrefutably male. However that was quickly hidden underneath a large, cable knit sweater that was both comfy and dainty looking, the braided cable pattern on the sleeves making it appear rather fancy. The violet sweater hung low, past his hips and he wore black leggings underneath. Feng Xin had suggested a skirt, but Mu Qing quickly refuted that. While he wasn’t against wearing skirts, he was not going to wear one in front of his fiancée’s parents. If they ever did come clean about this ruse, he didn’t want Feng Xin’s parents to forever have an image of their son-in-law in a skirt. At least this way, they were simply mistaking Mu Qing’s feminine features.
Mu Qing had to admit, once he’d applied a more subtle and refined makeup look to his face, he could seriously pass for a woman. Contour had been a miracle worker, molding his severe and edgy features into something gentler and more feminine. He styled his hair to make his appearance fairer, clipping back several locks to accentuate the taper of his face with a bejeweled clip, something he’d bought specifically for this mission to deceive Feng Xin’s parents.
“You look beautiful.” Feng Xin said, arm snaking around Mu Qing’s waist. “Stunning, absolutely gorgeous.”
“Kissing up isn’t going to help your case.” Mu Qing folded his arms and glared at Feng Xin.
Feng Xin pouted, “Look, I’m really sorry about making you do all this. But I do appreciate it. I appreciate you.”
Mu Qing frowned, fighting the unwanted urge to melt at the dejected look on Feng Xin’s face. While this was completely Feng Xin’s fault and Mu Qing was still livid about the whole ordeal, Mu Qing couldn’t stay mad for long when Feng Xin looked at him like that.
Gods, he’d gone soft.
He remembered when he first met Feng Xin freshman year of college, how they’d spit and chomp at each other, words dripping poison, fists pulverizing tender flesh, and kicks leaving shattering bruises. They’d hated each other, or at least that’s how it seemed, until suddenly Feng Xin had wormed his way inside Mu Qing’s heart and the hate turned to something else, and then Mu Qing was stuck orbiting around Feng Xin for several years, pining in secret, certain his affections would never be returned.
Mu Qing frowned, “Feng Xin, didn’t you ever tell your parents about me before we started dating? Like when we moved in with Xie Lian together sophomore year?”
“Yeah, I did.” Feng Xin said, “It’s just since Xie Lian and I grew up together, he’s the only one they really remember. I’ll bring up Pei Ming sometimes and they’ll be like who’s that? And I’ve known him as long as I’ve known you!”
Mu Qing blinked, stunned by how oblivious Feng Xin’s parents were, then again, Feng Xin must have gotten it from somewhere….
“And your sister?” Mu Qing asked.
“She knows.” Feng Xin relayed, “She knew from the beginning you were my old roommate that I had a crush on since freshman year.” Mu Qing arched an eyebrow at that - Feng Xin had never divulged exactly when he started liking Mu Qing. “Er… I mean - shit.”
“How embarrassing.” Mu Qing snickered. Mu Qing was not about to tell him he also started liking Feng Xin when he was a freshman; no, that would be too much honesty when he was still pissed at Feng Xin.
Feng Xin gaped, “We’re literally engaged!”
Mu Qing grinned, then asked, “Your sister won’t tell your parents?” Mu Qing hadn’t met Feng Xin’s older sister, but from what he could tell they had a decent relationship, albeit Feng Xin did seem a little scared of her. Perhaps that’s where his initial fear of women started: an overbearing, domineering older sister.
“Not unless she wants me to oust her fake marriage to our parents.” Feng Xin stated. Ah, mutual blackmail, typical sibling shenanigans.
“Fake marriage?” Mu Qing inquired, a little bit too curious to ignore that comment.
“Yeah, her big, ostentatious wedding to her husband was fake considering she legally married him three years prior after knowing him for two months.” Feng Xin informed.
Mu Qing arched his eyebrow. Just what kind of family was he marrying into? One child runs away and gets eloped while the other hides the fact he’s dating a man. It’d almost be comical if Mu Qing hadn’t found himself dead center amidst one of the schemes to fool Feng Xin’s parents.
“What time is it?” Mu Qing asked, realizing they’d gotten a bit distracted and needed to finish cooking before Feng Xin’s parents arrived.
“Fuck.” Feng Xin said, hurrying out of their bathroom to grab his button up shirt.
Mu Qing rolled his eyes. He gave himself one last look in the mirror, a little unnerved at seeing his face yet not quite his face in the mirror. He really didn’t have a good feeling about this, but what was he going to do? He’d already agreed to the plan, was dressed up like some sophisticated woman, and Feng Xin’s parents were likely on their way to their house.
Mu Qing sighed, the beginning of a headache starting. For better or for worse, he and Feng Xin were in this disaster of a plot together.
__________
“Mu Qing, this fried rice is delicious.” Mrs. Feng raved, spooning another mouthful down her throat.
“Thank you.” Mu Qing smiled, making sure to keep his voice light and airy, he wasn’t really masking his voice, just speaking quieter and lighter than he normally did. “It’s my mother’s recipe.”
“It’s wonderful. Please give her my regards.” Mrs. Feng smiled, reaching for another dumpling. Mu Qing had cooked a traditional Chinese meal, pulling out his mother’s most famous recipes, trying to prove to Feng Xin’s parents that he could play the part of a proper housewife and cook authentic Chinese food for their son.
“Unfortunately, she passed away over a year ago.” Mu Qing said neutrally, not trying to drag down the mood, however he figured it needed to be said before they asked Mu Qing if his mother was available to be their personal chef. Mu Qing had known from the start Feng Xin came from money. They’d literally sent their son abroad to get his bachelors. Then they’d flown out to visit a mere week after the proposal - tickets had to be exorbitantly expensive with that short of notice.
Mu Qing had always pinched pennies and had run himself ragged trying to pay bills and gain scholarships. Yet Feng Xin’s family could drop thousands on a whim. It made Mu Qing shudder. Not that they were currently pressed for money with Feng Xin’s illustrious job working for Xie Lian’s company. And if Mu Qing was able to get a professorship after he finished up his doctorate…. for the first time in his entire life Mu Qing wouldn’t have to worry about money.
“Oh, I’m so sorry.” Mrs. Feng said, aghast at her faux pas. “I think Feng Xin mentioned it, but it must have slipped my mind.”
“It’s fine. No need to focus on it.” Mu Qing dismissed, not feeling apt to discuss something so personal with his future in-laws… potential future in-laws.
Quick to come to his rescue, Feng Xin changed the subject, “Mu Qing is currently finishing up his degree. He’ll be graduating in about 6 months.”
“How exciting.” Mrs. Feng said, smiling quaintly, “And this is your masters?”
“Ph.D.” Mu Qing corrected automatically, “In biochemistry. I’m currently applying for teaching positions at local universities.”
“Oh my.” Mrs. Feng said, looking a little startled. She and her husband shared a look. Mu Qing felt his eye twitch, having an inkling about where this was headed.
“That’s truly wonderful, Mu Qing.” Mr. Feng said, smiling kindly, yet it felt fake to Mu Qing. After all, his role was supposed to be the appeasing housewife, not an ambitious bitch whose degree outranked her husband or who brought home more earnings than her husband. “An accomplishment to be proud of, but don’t you think your focus should be elsewhere now that you’re marrying our son?”
Calmly, Mu Qing took a sip of his water, internally screaming at himself to not assault his fiancée’s parents. He knew Feng Xin could sense the waters stirring beneath the surface, for suddenly Feng Xin’s hand was squeezing Mu Qing’s thigh, trying to pacify him.
“I fully support Mu Qing’s career.” Feng Xin spoke up, “Besides, having two incomes will certainly help with bills and a down payment on a house. We would like to buy an actual home instead of renting once Mu Qing finds a job.”
Mr. Feng frowned, “Is Xie Lian not paying you enough, A-Xin? You shouldn’t have any issue being able to afford a house as well as supporting a wife and children as VP of his agency.”
“I mean, we’re still working out some kinks. This branch of the company is still fairly new and Xie Lian has only been running it for a few years… so I may have taken a pay cut until our profits hit a certain percentage.” Feng Xin relayed, a slight tremor to his voice. Surreptitiously, Mu Qing grabbed Feng Xin’s hand, offering him support like Feng Xin had done him a moment prior.
“You took a pay cut?” Mr. Feng said, voice severe.
“It’s only temporary.” Feng Xin expounded.
“And our income is sufficient to afford all our expenses.” Mu Qing added, “We’ve even been able to save some money up.”
“Yes, I would hope so. You have a big wedding to pay for.” Mr. Feng said expectantly.
“Actually, mom and dad, Mu Qing and I want a small wedding.” Feng Xin cringed at the appalled looks his parents gave them.
“A small wedding?” Mrs. Feng furrowed her brows, “What’s even the point? It’s a celebration! Let everyone celebrate you.”
“With everything going on,” Mu Qing explained, “A small wedding appeals to us more than something big and grand.”
Mrs. Feng looked as if she was going to pass out. “And where do you plan on having this small wedding of yours? Do you have your robes already picked out? What about invitations? And the tea ceremony prior?” Mr. Feng assailed them with questions.
It was at that moment Mu Qing realized Mr and Mrs. Feng expected them to have a traditional Chinese wedding - full on wedding robes, red and gold invitations, and a tea ceremony honoring their parents. Mu Qing and Feng Xin gave each other looks of trepidation, understanding the storm was upon them.
Feng Xin cleared his throat, “Mom. Dad. We weren’t planning on having a traditional wedding. We just want something small, at a local venue, with our closest friends. And Mu Qing is great at sewing! He-She was going to sew us suits - er - sew me a suit and her a dress.”
Mu Qing wanted to smack his fiancée for the barrage of errors, as if he was trying to telegraph to his parents that Mu Qing was actually a man. However, Mu Qing restrained himself, knowing Feng Xin was very nervous, so he merely squeezed Feng Xin’s hand, signaling he wasn’t alone. Mu Qing was right there with him, unfortunately undergoing the same horrors.
It was times like these he really missed his mom. She’d always been so understanding of Mu Qing. When he’d told her he was gay, she just hugged him and told him she didn’t see anything wrong with that - love was love. When he finally took Feng Xin home to meet her, she’d fallen in love with him, doting on him as if he already was a part of the family. He really wished she could have been here, to support them through this, to be there for the wedding.
But now wasn’t the time to dwell on it.
Currently, he and his fiancée were facing their first marital tribulation: his in-laws. Future in-laws. Potentially. If he got their blessing.
There was a moment of silence as Feng Xin’s parents digested that statement. Mrs. Feng recovered first, nodding approvingly at Mu Qing, “It is wonderful to hear Mu Qing is so skilled with a needle, however why not sew some traditional robes? Don’t you think it’d be much more meaningful? I’m sure your own mother would want her daughter to wear red and gold robes for her wedding.”
The comment was like a slap in the face to Mu Qing. “Mom.” Feng Xin warned.
“What?” Mrs. Feng said, “If she’s anything like me, it would bring her untold joy to see her child in traditional wedding robes.”
“Not to mention a legitimate wedding.” Mr. Feng added sternly. “I understand wanting to have your friends present, but weddings are about family and tradition. I think it’d be best to fly home and host the wedding there, so all your relatives can come.”
Mu Qing frowned, anger sparking inside him. First they used his mother’s wishes against him - which they didn’t even know his mom, thus had no right to speak on her behalf! And second, their wedding was about family and tradition?? That just made Mu Qing’s blood boil. His wedding was about him. Him and Feng Xin and no one else. Mu Qing could feel the last threads of his sanity fraying.
“That’s not really feasible for us.” Feng Xin replied delicately, sensing the tension in the air, from both Mu Qing and his parents. “Financially or planning wise.”
“We’d be happy to help pay for some of the larger expenses.” Mr. Feng assured. “Money isn’t an issue. I’d even be willing to pay for some of your friends to fly over, although I’m certain Xie Lian doesn’t need handouts.”
“And I’d be more than happy to help plan the wedding.” Mrs. Feng cooed delightedly, “My friend’s daughter is a wedding planner. I can ask her for some help. I’m thinking orchids and lotuses for the flowers. We’ll have red tablecloths with gold embroidery and golden banners hung from the ceiling along with red paper lanterns. It’ll be beautiful. You don’t have to worry about a thing - I’m happy to handle it.”
Mu Qing’s throat constricted and his mouth felt dry. While he knew Mrs. Feng’s intentions were good, this wasn’t what Mu Qing wanted. He doubted it was what Feng Xin wanted either. Something so loud and bold and gaudy… It sounded awful to Mu Qing. Like one of those parties he’d been forced to go to during college, crammed into a small room with drunken people constantly bumping into him and trying to hit on him. His wedding was supposed to be special, supposed to be about a new beginning for him and Feng Xin, something sentimental and cozy, something stupidly endearing that’d make his frosty heart melt and while he’d roll his eyes and offer little jibes throughout it all, his heart would likely explode from happiness after. Instead, this sounded like a nightmare, thrust into an unknown place with unknown people and paraded around as if he was some spectacle to point and jeer at. That’s not how he wanted to start his marriage with Feng Xin.
“Mom. Dad.” Feng Xin grabbed his parent’s attention as they continued to prattle about this perfect wedding they were planning for them, “With all due respect, that’s not really what Mu Qing and I want.”
“Oh nonsense.” Mrs. Feng waved her hand, “What’s not to love? And if you’re worried about money, your father and I are happy to cover it. So don’t worry, right dear?”
“Of course.” Mr. Feng nodded dutifully.
“It’ll be a lovely wedding.” Mrs. Feng went on, eyes twinkling at the vision in her mind, one that sounded anything but lovely to Mu Qing. “And then you’ll need to start thinking about children. Your father and I aren’t getting any younger, A-Xin. And with your and Mu Qing’s evident intelligence and appeasing good looks, I’m certain you’ll have exceedingly viable children.”
“Your mother’s right.” Mr. Feng nodded, then looked pointedly at Mu Qing, “With that being said, I think it’d be best if you focused on your familial duties once you marry my son, Mu Qing. You’re clearly a smart and ambitious young woman and my son loves you very much, but as his wife, your duty is to support him. If your marriage is to be a success, you’ll want to focus on your familial duties.”
Mu Qing was speechless. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “Familial duties…?” He whispered, stunned. Not only were they trying to plan his wedding, they were also trying to dictate the course of his life once he married Feng Xin. He hadn’t worked his ass off for years obtaining degrees to be a housewife - not that there was anything wrong with that, it just wasn’t what he wanted at all. To just throw away years of his blood, sweat, and tears - it was insulting.
Mr. Feng nodded, “Exactly. Since Feng Xin is helping run a company, he’ll need someone to take care of the house. You’re clearly a good cook and can mend clothes, both sought after traits in a wife. And you’re young and viable to provide Feng Xin with strong, healthy children.”
That was the last straw. With those damning words, the final threads holding Mu Qing’s calm, composed, and collected facade in place snapped.
Feng Xin was saying something to his parents, but Mu Qing wasn’t listening. His rage bloomed, akin to fetid fumes spanning across open fields on a blustery day. His anger was palpable, so much that Feng Xin abruptly stopped talking to glance apprehensively at Mu Qing.
“I can’t do this.” Mu Qing stated, his voice neither loud nor quiet, but everyone stopped talking when they heard the malice in it. Mu Qing stood up violently, the legs of the chair squealing. “I’m not some glorified servant that waits on Feng Xin hand and foot. I’ve worked too hard to just throw away my degree. I have goals I want to achieve! Feng Xin knows that and he supports me. We both have things we want to accomplish and part of our relationship is supporting and helping the other reach those goals. I’m not just going to toss mine aside to be Feng Xin’s personal maid and pop out strong and healthy children. Which,” Mu Qing inhaled, driving the final nail in the coffin, “I can’t even do. Because I’m a man.”
Silence. Three sets of eyes stared at him, wide and gaping. Both Mr. and Mrs. Feng looked like they were about to pass out from shock, while Feng Xin looked nauseous.
“I love your son.” Mu Qing sighed, “The only reason I went along with this stupid charade of acting like a woman was because your blessing means so much to Feng Xin. But I refuse to be reduced to an accessory to Feng Xin and I refuse to have someone else high-jack my wedding. It’s our day and we’ll plan it how we want.” Mu Qing swallowed, his anger sufficiently released. Apprehension took its place, and he finished with, “If he still wishes to marry me after all this. Seeing as I’m not the ideal marriage candidate for him and I doubt I’ll get your blessing.”
Mu Qing made to leave, but he only got a few steps in before Feng Xin stopped him. Standing next to Mu Qing, clasping his hand in his, Feng Xin turned to his parents, determination filling him despite how rigid he was. “Mom. Dad. Mu Qing is right.” Feng Xin said, “I understand you have a different perspective of what marriage is. But Mu Qing and my relationship is different from yours. And that’s ok. It works for us. I support him and he supports me and that’s how it’s always going to be. I’m sorry I lied to you, I guess I just didn’t know how to tell you that I’ve been dating a man. But I love him, and blessing or not, I’m still going to marry him. It’ll be a small wedding. Here with our friends. I think it’d be for the best if you didn’t come.” Feng Xin licked his lips, “I also think you should leave now. I’m sorry about this. I know it’s largely my fault for not being honest. But I think we’ve all said enough tonight.”
With that, Mu Qing and Feng Xin left their dining room and retreated to their room. It wasn’t long and they heard the front door open and close, announcing their guests had left.
__________
“Hey, you ok?” Feng Xin asked as Mu Qing stormed out of the bathroom, ridiculous makeup gone and his feminine outfit shed. Instead he donned his comfy sweatpants and his favorite hoodie with cat ears.
“I feel like I should be asking you that.” Mu Qing humphed as he stared out the window into their small, fenced-in backyard. “I just outed you to your parents.”
“Yeah, well it’s something I should have done a long time ago.” Feng Xin replied, coming to stand behind Mu Qing, his hands weaving around Mu Qing’s waist and chin coming to rest on Mu Qing’s shoulder.
Mu Qing sighed, exhausted, “I’m sorry.”
“Hey, this isn’t your fault.” Feng Xin tilted his head to kiss his shoulder. “If any one’s to blame, it’s me for putting you through this.”
Mu Qing kneaded his temple, the pressure from earlier coming back in full force, making his head pound. “Yeah, I fucking know. But I still shouldn’t have exploded like that. They’re your parents. I know their blessing is important to you and I really tried. It’s just…” Mu Qing shrugged, his vision blurring as water sprouted in his eyes. Frustrated, Mu Qing bit out, “I felt like they wanted me to throw away my degree so I could be your personal servant as if my aspirations paled in comparison to yours. And then she kept bringing up my mom and I just…”
Mu Qing trailed off, not sure what to say anymore. He felt so much emotion inside, he didn’t know how to put it into words. “I know, Baby, I know.” Feng Xin soothed, holding him tightly. “You’ve been working so hard and I’d never take that away from you. I want to see you succeed and achieve your dreams just like you’ve done for me. And I’m really sorry about my mom. Sometimes she’s so tactless.”
“I wish my mom was here.” Mu Qing whispered. Suddenly there were tears falling from his eyes and a small sob escaped his lips. He hated himself for the spontaneous breakdown, but he felt as if he’d ruined things, as if he’d left Feng Xin down.
Feng Xin spun Mu Qing around in his arms and hugged him close, as if Mu Qing was something precious. It only made Mu Qing cry harder. “I wish she was here too, Mu Qing. I really miss her.” Feng Xin whispered, his voice watery, signaling he was crying too.
“S-she would have been so happy.” Mu Qing choked out, “She always adored you. Said you were already part of the family.”
Feng Xin rubbed his back, drawing soothing circles. “Fuck.” Feng Xin sniffled, “Fuck, I really wish she was here to see how far you’ve come. To see you graduate. To see you get your dream job. To see us get married. I wish she could see all of it.”
They fell silent, holding each other as they cried. They began to gingerly rock each other back and forth, not letting go until the tears dried and their breathing returned to normal. Even then they held each other for a few minutes longer, reveling in the other’s presence.
Finally, Mu Qing found his voice and asked, “What are we going to do now?”
Feng Xin gave a soft chuckle, making Mu Qing scowl. “What do you think we’re going to do? We’re going to fucking get married.”
“But your parents -” Feng Xin cut him off as he pulled Mu Qing to their bed.
“I’ll talk to them in a little bit.” Feng Xin sighed as he sat down on their bed and scratched Nan Yang’s head, who began to purr at the attention. “It’s my problem.”
“No.” Mu Qing said, sitting down next to Feng Xin to lean against him. “It’s our problem.”
“Thanks, Qing-er.”
Mu Qing rolled his eyes, but it was half-hearted, “I’m the one who agreed to marry you, A-Xin. So for better or for worse, we’ll face this together.”
__________
It was the following day after both Feng Xin and Mu Qing got home from work when a knock came at the door. Thinking it was a delivery service dropping off a package, Mu Qing thought nothing of it and swung the door open ready to pop open whatever midnight purchase he’d made when he needed a shot of dopamine.
Thus when he saw what actually awaited him on the other side of the door, he froze. An awkward pause passed between the three of them, Mu Qing staring unabashedly at Feng Xin’s parents. They wore somber expressions, but their eyes were determined. After a moment, Mr. Feng cleared his throat and asked, “Can we come in, Mu Qing? We’d like to talk with you and Feng Xin.”
Mu Qing opened his mouth, mind whirling with what to say, but before he could think of anything, Feng Xin called, “Who’s at the door?” A moment later he rounded the corner and all Mu Qing could do was give him a hopeless look. What was he supposed to do? Refuse Feng Xin’s parents? Or accept them into their house after everything that happened?
Sensing something was amiss, Feng Xin hurried over, his expression tightening as he saw his parents. “Mom. Dad. What are you doing here?”
“We wished to have a discussion with you.” Mr. Feng said.
“We’ve had some time to think things over.” Mrs. Feng added, “And we’d like to talk with the both of you before our plane leaves tomorrow morning.”
Feng Xin cast a wary glance at Mu Qing, as if asking him for permission. Mu Qing merely shrugged. Quickly, Feng Xin ushered them in, directing them to the living room. “Have you eaten yet?” Feng Xin asked, “We could order pizza or something.” He balked, realizing what he’d said. From what Mu Qing had inferred, Feng Xin’s mom had always prepared home-cooked meals. Eating out was only something they did on special occasions and it was at fancy, five-star restaurants, not greasy, cheap pizza. “Er…. We also have leftovers. Or… ugh…” He shot Mu Qing a helpless look. Normally Mu Qing would be fine letting Feng Xin flounder, however now wasn’t one of those times considering what a delicate situation this was.
Mu Qing sighed, exhausted from a long day in the lab and he still had to work on his dissertation, not cook for a family of four. Sometimes he hated being in love. How it’d softened him, made him do illogical things that didn’t always benefit him. But it was for Feng Xin, and unfortunately, he loved Feng Xin dearly.
Fuck love.
“I have some frozen homemade broth I can thaw and make ramen if you don’t mind waiting.” Mu Qing offered, knowing it wasn’t a traditional Chinese dish, but it was fairly quick to whip up and ramen was popular enough in China he didn’t think Mr and Mrs. Feng would complain.
Mrs. Feng said, “We appreciate the offer, truly - but we know both of you had a busy day, so - ahem - we wouldn’t mind trying this pizza.”
Feng Xin and Mu Qing gave each other startled looks. This was unexpected, but perhaps a good sign? Mu Qing wasn’t sure yet. “You sure, mom?” Feng Xin asked hesitantly.
She nodded vigorously, as if trying to convince herself more than anyone else. “Yes, as they say, when in Rome.”
“Alright.” Mu Qing nodded, reaching for his phone. “I’ll place the order. Any topping preferences?”
“We’ll leave that up to you.” Mr. Feng said. Mu Qing brought up the pizza website on his phone, retreating to the kitchen as he scowled. Lovely, now he had the misfortune of fucking up the pizza order.
“Feng Xin.” He hissed. Ever the obedient fiancée, Feng Xin hustled into the kitchen. “What toppings should I get?”
Feng Xin shrugged. “Just get a few different ones. They aren’t that fussy.” Mu Qing arched an eyebrow, making Feng Xin grimace. “Ok, yeah, they’re fussy. But it’s fucking pizza.” With that he walked away. Great, Mu Qing was about to ruin his future in-laws' first pizza experience.
After an excruciating ten minutes, Mu Qing ordered three pizzas and some garlic twists because everyone liked garlic twists. “Pizza should be here in 20 minutes.” Mu Qing relayed as he walked back into the living room.
“Excellent.” Mrs. Feng stated.
Silence.
Awful, uncomfortable silence.
It made Mu Qing’s skin crawl.
Exhaling loudly, Feng Xin picked up Xuan Zhen and sat down in a recliner, absently stroking Xuan Zhen’s black pelt.
“I remember you mentioning you got two kittens.” Mrs. Feng tried to break the icy quiet. “Where’s the other one?”
“Nan Yang is upstairs.” Feng Xin informed, then pointed to the black cat in his lap, “This is Xuan Zhen.”
“How…nice.” Mrs. Feng gave a strained smile, “Adopting two strays.”
“We got them at a local cat cafe.” Mu Qing corrected. His boys were not strays. Sure, they were your generic house-cats, but they weren’t feral cats they’d plucked off the streets. His four-legged children were prim and proper, minus the 5 am demonic possessions.
“I see.” Mrs. Feng nodded while Mr. Feng sat quietly to her left, not saying a word.
Another moment of silence passed and Mu Qing fidgeted, uncertain how much longer he could take this.
“Mom. Dad.” Feng Xin finally said. “Why are you here?”
Mrs. Feng straightened, as if she was about to give a speech. Mu Qing braced himself, preparing for the worse. “Your father and I have had some time to ponder last night’s events and want to have a discussion with you. We are aware times are changing. That people value tradition less and less-”
“Mom.” Feng Xin warned.
“Let me finish, A-Xin.” Mrs. Feng said, then continued, “And while we do not understand your… preferences-”
“Mom.” Feng Xin sighed, kneading his temple. Mu Qing also felt his gut twist, waiting for the rebuttal that was sure to follow, ready to be disgraced and have to console Feng Xin as his parents disowned him.
“A-Xin, I’m not done.” Mrs. Feng cleared her throat. Feng Xin bit his lip, reluctantly letting his mother finish. “We may not understand your and Mu Qing’s relationship, but after last night, we can respect it.”
Huh?
Mu Qing flashed Feng Xin a confused look, however Feng Xin looked just as perplexed.
“It is clear to us that you both care very deeply about each other.” Mr. Feng finally spoke up. “Perhaps your mother and I have rather archaic views on marriage, and we may not fully agree with your wishes, however, it is your wedding and this is your life. At the end of the day, we want you to be happy, A-Xin. So if A-Qing makes you happy, then you have our blessing.”
Feng Xin abruptly stood up, mouth gaping. Xuan Zhen gave an affronted meow at being dislodged from his resting place and scurried upstairs with an agitated flick of his tail. “Are you serious?” Feng Xin breathed. Mu Qing couldn’t believe it either. Somehow, after the deceit and disaster that was last night, he’d gotten Feng Xin’s parent’s blessing.
“And if you want a small wedding with your friends here rather than in our country, we can accept that. We would just very much like to be present.” Mrs. Feng added, looking a bit chagrined.
Feng Xin opened and closed his mouth, words eluding him. Coming to his rescue, Mu Qing walked over to him and grabbed his hand. “We would both like you to be there.” Mu Qing confirmed. Feng Xin squeezed his hand appreciatively.
“Yeah, we really would.” Feng Xin added, voice watery and eyes shining with unshed tears. “Thanks mom and dad.”
Mrs. Feng nodded, tears in her eyes as well. “With that being said, your father and I do have one tiny request.” Feng Xin paused for a moment, then nodded for them to continue. “We are fine with a wedding here, but it would mean a lot to us if it was a traditional wedding.”
Feng Xin glanced at Mu Qing, a question in his gaze. While Mu Qing would prefer the ease of a simplistic wedding ceremony, he figured he could compromise on this. He nodded at Feng Xin, who beamed in return. “Yeah, we can do that. A small, traditional wedding.”
Everyone smiled at that. Then Mr and Mrs. Feng were on their feet and both Mrs. Feng and Feng Xin were crying as they embraced. Then they were hugging Mu Qing and Mu Qing couldn’t help but hug back, feeling overly sentimental in the moment.
“Welcome to the family.” Mr. Feng said as he released Mu Qing from a bone-crushing hug, so similar to the ones Feng Xin gave.
“Yes, A-Qing, welcome to the family.” Mrs. Feng repeated, then gave both him and Feng Xin a stern look, “Now that this has been worked out, do refrain from any more stunts like last night. We understand why you did it, but A-Xin, you are our son and we love you no matter what.”
Feng Xin dipped his head, effectively reprimanded, “Yes mother.”
It was then the doorbell rang and Mu Qing hurried to grab the pizza as Mrs. Feng continued to scold her son. When he returned, they all sat down at the table to enjoy their greasy, cheap pizza, which both Mr and Mrs. Feng seemed to enjoy - thank the gods. They chatted away idly, like any family would, the tension from earlier dissipated. While there were still some awkward moments, they were all trying to bridge the gap between them. Mr. Feng asked about Mu Qing’s research and Mrs. Feng asked how they’d met. It was pleasant.
Mildly uncomfortable and anxiety-inducing, yet overall it was a satisfying evening. Mu Qing was sure there’d be more disagreements in the future with his future in-laws, but he was willing to meet them in the middle. Because, for better or for worse, this was his family now too.
_________
The wedding came six months later in a flurry of red, gold, and silver. All their friends were present along with Feng Xin’s parents. Smiles and laughter filled their tiny venue and more than several tears were shed throughout the ceremony. Mu Qing had painstakingly sewn both him and Feng Xin traditional robes for their wedding. Both outer robes were a beautiful, brilliant red with elegant appliqués sewn into the fabric as well as several embroidered designs. Feng Xin’s accents and inner robes were gold, whereas Mu Qing took a few liberties with his, straying from traditional red and gold, and made his accents and inner robes silver. He’d called Mrs. Feng personally to ask if this slight alteration was ok, and Mrs. Feng had simply cried in agreement, touched by the effort Mu Qing was putting in for her son. Mu Qing may or may not have shed a few tears at that too.
Their wedding was everything Mu Qing could have wanted - a special day for just him and Feng Xin. Nothing loud and nothing too ostentatious. They had a traditional Chinese meal prepared for them and their limited number of guests with a tea ceremony after. It was quaint and full of laughter, smiles, and joyous tears.
Feng Xin and Mu Qing didn’t make it home until almost midnight. Their wedding gifts had already been delivered - courtesy of Xie Lian - and were stacked neatly on their dining room table. However Mu Qing and Feng Xin hardly paid attention to anything else as they returned to their home as husbands. Their robes were quickly shed as they made for their bedroom, consummating their marriage with starlight upon their skin and soft peels of laughter on their lips.
Gods, it was a terrifying and wondrous feeling to be loved, Mu Qing thought as he held gold in his hands, so warm and malleable. A horrendous sensation to be wanted, to be known, to be seen. Yet he wouldn’t want this any other way - a life without Feng Xin would be so dull, certainly less vexing, but listless and lonesome.
Several hours later, Mu Qing made his way into the kitchen, donning his silver inner robes as he made himself some tea. While the tea boiled, a manilla envelope caught his eyes, positioned on top of one of the many wrapped presents from their wedding. Curious, Mu Qing undid the metal pin holding the envelope closed. Then he pulled out several papers, his eyes going wide as he observed the contents.
He wasn’t sure how long he’d been staring at the papers, when Feng Xin wrapped his arms around Mu Qing from behind, planting a sweet kiss on his exposed neck. “Come back to bed.” He whispered sleepily.
“Feng Xin.” Mu Qing hissed, shaking the papers aggressively to grab Feng Xin’s attention. “Look at this!”
“What is it?” Feng Xin yawned, resting his chin on Mu Qing’s shoulder.
“It’s from your parents.” Mu Qing replied.
“Oh, how much did they give us?” Feng Xin asked lazily, “Don’t worry about it, they gave my sister an obscene amount of money for her wedding too.”
“That’s not…” Well, ok Mu Qing at first had been petrified by the large number on the check Mr and Mrs. Feng had written for them, but that was quickly replaced as he read over the other documents. “This!” Mu Qing shoved the paper he was referencing into Feng Xin’s face. “Your mother also included this.”
“What is it?” Feng Xin frowned, squinting as he read over the paper along with the blue sticky note on it. Gradually his eyes widened and he let out a startled, “Oh.”
“Yeah.” Mu Qing muttered.
“Well fuck.” Feng Xin chuckled.
“Is this really a laughing matter?” Mu Qing questioned.
“Are you opposed?” Feng Xin asked.
Mu Qing humphed, “I never said that.”
“Then no need to worry. There’s no rush. My mom’s just being a little passive aggressive.” Feng Xin chuckled, nuzzling into Mu Qing’s neck, clearly not flustered at all by this. “Come on, let’s go back to bed.” He gingerly kissed Mu Qing below his ear.
Mu Qing sighed, realizing Feng Xin was right. They had plenty of time - the rest of their married life together. Therefore, this could wait. Right now a king-size bed and a doting husband were calling to him. Thus Mu Qing set the papers down, giving them one last glance before he followed Feng Xin upstairs. What Mr. and Mrs. Feng had so surreptitiously slipped into their wedding gift were adoption papers, a blue sticky note attached to the front that read:
Even though you can’t have biological children, we still expect grandkids.
- With love, Mom and Dad.