Chapter Text
Kai drums his fingers on the table, his eyes scanning the run-down malatang restaurant as he waits for any sign of his closest hyung. He wonders why Soobin picked this place, of all places. Soobin doesn’t particularly like malatang, usually grumbling whenever Kai suggests it. Whatever it is, he's just excited to hang out with Soobin again. Kai doesn't even care that he's running a little late.
He’s about to send a vaguely threatening message when he spots Soobin walking in. His nose is pink from the cold, face glued to his phone. Kai chuckles, guessing Soobin is probably doom-scrolling on Twitter. He can’t bear looking unoccupied in public. Just as he predicts, Soobin nearly bumps into a table, and Kai has to suppress a laugh. Unable to stop himself, he waves a little too enthusiastically, catching Soobin’s attention. Soobin raises an eyebrow, huffing out a small laugh in response, and Kai’s cheeks warm. How embarrassing, he thinks. At least I made him laugh.
It’s been a little over a week since they last spoke to each other properly. The last time Kai heard from Soobin, he was deep in the trenches of his midterms, refusing to even take a break to go on a convenience store run. Soobin always got a little moody during exam season—but to be fair, so did Kai. They’d learned the hard way that it was better to keep their distance during the peak of academic chaos.
"Hey," Kai smiles brightly as Soobin sits across from him with a deep sigh. “You okay? Oh god, don’t tell me you accidentally matched with one of your professors on Grindr again."
“Are you never gonna let that go?” Soobin rolls his eyes. "I'm fine. Just..." he trails off, fiddling with his hoodie strings, “I'm glad we’re finally getting lunch. Feels like I barely see you lately.”
“And whose fault is that?” Kai teases. “No, but really, we haven’t hung out in a while. Life’s been crazy for both of us, huh?”
“Yeah.” Soobin rubs the back of his neck and averts his gaze. “I missed…hanging out with you. Sorry I’ve been MIA.”
Kai studies him for a moment, taken aback by his vulnerability. He doesn’t see Soobin act like this, well, ever. His hyung usually teases him to death, always something mischievous dancing behind his eyes. Today, though, he seems distant, like he’s holding something back. This isn’t like him. Kai’s curiosity is piqued. Whatever it is, he’s going to figure it out—or at least cheer him up.
“Nothing to be sorry for, hyung. I promise.” Kai shakes his head. He pats Soobin on the shoulder, feeling Soobin stiffen before he relaxes and meets Kai’s eyes.
“Okay,” Soobin says, nodding. “I’m starving. Let’s order.”
—
They order their usual. While Kai inhales all of his food, Soobin barely eats, which worries him even more. He tries to lift Soobin’s mood as best he can with stories about Taehyun’s noona of the month and all the latest gossip from their friend group, but Soobin doesn’t seem fully there. He nods and hums in the right places, but it’s obvious his mind is somewhere else. It’s sort of reminding Kai of the time his ex-girlfriend broke up with him. It wasn’t a bad breakup–they were going to different universities and she thought long distance would be too difficult–but he was still heartbroken. She was his first love after all. Though he doubts it would be the case this time, he really hopes Soobin isn’t moving away and friendship breaking up with him.
Kai sighs, clearing his throat. “Okay, hyung. What’s up?”
Soobin startles mid-bite. “What’s up?”
“See?” Kai can’t help but giggle at Soobin’s full cheeks and wide eyes. “You jumped so hard just now. Is something wrong?”
“No! Nothing’s wrong, I promise.” Soobin waves his hands in front of him and shakes his head.
“Okay, but you barely even reacted when I told you Taehyun ate shit in front of Vivi noona the other day. Barely even a huff through the nose,” Kai tries to keep his tone casual even as worry nags at him.
Soobin looks guilty at that. “I’m sorry, Kai-yah,” he concedes, but doesn’t say anything further.
“So, what is it? You can tell me, hyung. I promise I won’t laugh…or judge you…or anything really. I’ll just listen.” Kai crosses his heart and holds up a hand like he’s swearing in. Kai isn’t the best at comforting people with words, but he prides himself in his ability to listen. It’s a skill he’s mastered growing up with his sisters.
Soobin shifts uncomfortably. "Just…I’ve been thinking a lot, you know? About things.”
“Uh oh,” Kai teases.
“Shut the fuck up,” Soobin scrunches his nose up, “No teasing either.”
“Okay, okay. I won’t.” Kai holds his hands up. “What have you been thinking about?”
Soobin’s gaze drops down to his half-eaten bowl, rearranging his chopsticks. “A-about us,” he says quietly, voice barely audible above the noise of the restaurant.
Kai freezes, his heart getting heavier by the second. About us? A million questions swirl around his head. What could he mean by that? Is Soobin upset with him? Has Kai done something wrong?
“Oh, okay,” Kai says, trying not to let his voice shake. “So…what about us?”
Soobin sets his chopsticks down, fiddling with his hoodie strings again. “I just wanted to make sure that we’re…clear about where I stand,” he says, voice steady but still quiet. “We’re friends, right, Kai-yah? Good friends?”
Kai’s eyebrows furrow, his pulse quickening. He opens his mouth to answer, but the words don’t come. The air feels thick, and Kai doesn’t know why. We are friends, right? Why does it feel different all of a sudden? He clears his throat, pushing the confusion aside, his need to reassure Soobin overpowering the uncertainty that sits in his chest.
“Of course we’re good friends. Best friends even.” Kai forces a chuckle and adds, “Why do you ask, hyung?”
“It’s just…good to be on the same page about these things I guess. I know I’ve been a little…” Soobin shakes his head and meets Kai’s gaze. “It’s good that we’re friends and that’s…that’s what we are. We’re just…we’re just friends. You’re my friend.”
Kai blinks, his confusion growing. That was obvious… right? But the way Soobin said it feels loaded. It’s like there’s more Soobin isn’t saying, but Kai can’t quite decipher what it is. The knot in his chest tightens, but he ignores it.
“I’m not sure what brought this on, but I think we’re on the same page about our friendship. Don’t worry, hyung,” Kai tries to reassure Soobin.
Soobin searches his eyes, and Kai does his best not to crack. Finally, he exhales and a brief flicker of relief passes his face, too quickly replaced by something Kai struggles to read. Sadness? It almost looks that way.
“I’m glad to hear that, Kai-yah,” Soobin says softly. “I just wanted to make sure you knew.”
“I know, hyung. And don’t worry, you can’t get rid of me that easily. I’ll be with you even when you’re old and grumpy,” Kai smiles as earnestly as he can, hoping to put Soobin at ease—and trying to ignore the discomfort unraveling in his own chest. His words come out heavier than he intends.
Soobin doesn’t laugh, but he smiles. He picks up his chopsticks and continues to eat. “Tell me more about Taehyun and Vivi noona. Are they going on a date then?”
Kai jumps back into the story, happy to see Soobin relax a little more, but even as they return to their usual banter, he can’t shake the uneasy feeling lingering after Soobin’s words.
Kai practically drags himself back to his dorm, head spinning and heart heavy from his afternoon with Soobin. Though Soobin had lightened up by the end of their meal, Kai just couldn’t move on. We’re friends, right, Kai-yah? His words echo in Kai’s head as he gets on the bus. Why did Soobin even feel the need to say that? Was something off between them that he hadn’t noticed?
He leans back in his seat, staring blankly out the window as buildings blur by. What could Soobin possibly be worried about? He thinks back to the last time they hung out, picking it apart and channeling his inner Shinichi Kudo. It was around 3 weeks ago when their little friend group watched a movie at Yeonjun’s apartment. They did as they usually do—all of them sitting on a heated blanket on the floor, sharing snacks, and listening to Yeonjun complain about crumbs everywhere. Soobin and Kai usually sat together, but Taehyun was feeling particularly sad that day—something about some guy he was seeing not liking the fact that he liked women too—so Kai sat close to Taehyun, giving him belly pats and pretending not to notice when his eyes got a little glassy.
Could Soobin have been upset with him for that? Did he even notice? Maybe he thought Kai was ignoring him? The guilt starts bubbling in his gut. He probably thought I was avoiding him on purpose! Kai is honest to goodness about to start pacing on the bus. Soobin doesn’t know that Taehyun’s love life is a mess and a half. Well, everyone does, but they don’t know how deeply it actually affects him, or that Kai is the only one Taehyun vents to.
Kai’s stomach twists as the scene plays out in his mind, getting more dramatic with each passing second. Soobin, sitting alone, abandoned by his best friend, wondering why Kai doesn’t care anymore. They barely talked or texted after that night, and Kai knows it’s because they’ve both been so busy, but that hasn’t stopped him from clinging onto Soobin before. Kai hasn’t been reaching out nearly as much as he used to.
He sighs, covering his face with his hands. This is my fault, he thinks with sudden certainty, unable to get Soobin’s sad eyes and barely-there smiles out of his head. Soobin probably thinks Kai doesn’t care about him at all anymore! How could he let it get to the point where Soobin felt the need to clarify that they were still friends? Kai needs to fix this immediately.
As he stumbles off the bus, he gears himself up, determined to make up for every text he left unanswered, every unrubbed belly, every snack not shared. Don’t worry, Soobin hyung , he thinks, ridiculously melodramatic. I will prove to you just how good of a friend I can really be .
—
By the time gets back to his dorm, Kai is fueled by a new sense of determination. He takes his shoes off, not even bothering to line them up neatly on the rack, and marches straight to his desk. He opens up his laptop and starts typing furiously. Mission: Be the Best Friend Soobin Hyung Has Ever Had and Make Sure He Knows I Don’t Hate Him is in motion. He’ll workshop the name.
“Yo,” Taehyun calls out from his own bed, busy on his phone.
“Oh!” Kai yelps, startled but undeterred. “Hi. Didn’t notice you there, sorry.”
Taehyun raises an eyebrow. “You’re being weirdly intense. How was lunch with hyung?”
“I’m perfectly fine and normal right now,” Kai says, not even looking at him. “Actually, I’m pretty sure Soobin hyung thinks I hate him, so I’m gonna prove him wrong.”
“Whoa whoa whoa. Let’s rewind a little bit. Did he say that?” Taehyun asks, alarmed.
Kai’s fingers pause on his keyboard. “Not in those words, no.”
“Okay, so how have we come to this conclusion?” Taehyun is properly looking at him now, clearly very interested and maybe a little amused.
Kai rolls his chair back, turning to face Taehyun. “First of all, we got malatang.”
“So?”
“What do you mean ‘so?’ Hyung hates malatang, but he suggested it. He obviously thinks I’m upset with him.”
“I’m not sure I understand how that correlates?”
“He was being weird and twitchy and quiet–really not like his usual self,” Kai rambles on, ignoring Taehyun.
“Soobin hyung’s always weird and twitchy, quiet though?” Taehyun’s eyebrow knit. “He’s never quiet with you.”
“He didn’t even laugh when I told him about you and Vivi noona,” Kai huffs.
“Man, fuck you for bringing that up.” Taehyun frowns. “Our date went well by the way. Thanks for asking.”
“Oh, that’s great, Taehyun-ah!” Kai momentarily breaks out of his spiral. “She forgot all about you being embarrassing then?”
“She found that charming, actually.” Taehyun smirks.
“Vivi noona, I was really rooting for you. There are better guys out there.”
Taehyun tosses a pillow at him. “What happened with Soobin hyung?”
Kai rolls his eyes, clearly exasperated. “Isn't it weird that he didn’t find you eating shit funny? That guy is literally always praying on your downfall.”
“Can we move on from making fun of me and circle back to the malatang? I seriously don’t get it.” Taehyun’s nose is scrunched in annoyance, but his eyes are amused.
“God, Taehyun-ah. That’s not the point! The malatang literally doesn’t matter!” Kai gets up and starts pacing.
“Dude, you brought it up! I’m just trying to get the facts straight.” Taehyun throws his arms up in surrender.
Kai groans. “It gets worse. He asked me, and I quote, ‘We’re friends, right, Kai-yah?’”
“Oh brother,” Taehyun groans back, rubbing his forehead.
“And he said it more than once! Of course I said we are friends. He said we’re just…we’re just friends ,” Kai mimics Soobin’s tone.
Taehyun’s hands freeze mid-gesture, looking up at Kai with an unreadable expression. “Oh, uh…” He clears his throat. “Huh…”
“Excuse my French, but what the fuck does that even mean?” Kai stops pacing for a moment, looking at Taehyun. “I thought about it all the way home and could only come to one conclusion: I’ve been a bad friend and he thinks I hate him.”
Taehyun’s gaze wavers, just for a second. “I really don’t think that’s what he meant, Kai,” he says gently, like he’s afraid he’ll set Kai off again.
Kai’s gaze flickers with doubt. “I really don’t know what else it could be . You should’ve seen him. He looked so nervous and…and maybe even a little sad.”
“Maybe he’s having a bad day?” Taehyun says, sounding unsure and clearly holding something back. He taps the space next to him, asking Kai to sit. “Look, there’s no way he thinks you hate him. I’m 99% sure of that.”
“What about the 1%?” Kai says in a silly voice. Taehyun rolls his eyes fondly, pushing him with his shoulder.
“Whatever is going on, I just wanna make it up to him. I don’t want there to be any weird distance between us. Hyung is too important to me.” Kai gets up and goes back to his desk, where his laptop screen is glowing with a Google search that reads, “how to be a better friend.” He scrolls through the results, a glint in his eyes.
Taehyun’s lips twitch, caught somewhere between amusement and sympathy. “You’re like, unreal. You know that, right?”
Kai blinks. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
Taehyun shakes his head, a knowing smile tugging at his lips. “Nothing. Just…maybe tone it down a little, alright? Just be your regular self.”
“Don’t worry, Taehyun-ah,” Kai says, his tone as serious as it is dramatic. “My regular self is going to be the best friend he’s ever had.”
“Right,” Taehyun says with a smirk, “don’t go overboard.”
Kai cannot sit still. He’s been at the benches near the student union building for almost 30 minutes. He only had a morning class, but he decided to hang around campus until Soobin’s last meeting was finished. He’d gotten plenty of coursework and reading done in the meantime, but he'd be lying if he said he hadn't been jittery all day. It’s just hyung, no need to stress. Kai repeats to himself. It will be fine.
This is the first step to his mission. He’s decided to call it Mission: Soobin—Hueningie is an Amazing Friend, Totally. Mission: SHAFT for short. (Taehyun helped him come up with it. They really do have the humor of 12-year-olds.) He knows how tired Soobin gets after full days like these, so Kai is going to surprise him with sweet treats and his dazzling company. Though his hyung truly glows when he’s in his element, leading society meetings and talking to all sorts of people, Kai knows very well that it does drain a lot of his energy.
Kai’s mind wanders back to when they had met here at this very building around a year and a half ago. In his first year, Kai joined the English society mostly to get his mom off his back. She, an English teacher herself, had nagged him for ages about “maximizing his potential” and “not embarrassing her.” At the time, he figured it would help him take his mind off his breakup and his homesickness, so he joined. He hadn’t expected to meet second year Choi Soobin, who was practically the face of the club
Soobin was the kind of person you noticed, even though he didn’t demand attention. He was kind and put-together, with a warm aura that would put anyone at ease. He was clearly passionate about the English language in a way Kai’s mom could only dream he would be. It was a little intimidating, especially when Soobin greeted him in perfect English the moment he entered the club room.
That’s the thing about Kai—everyone assumes he’s a foreigner. Sure, he was born abroad, but he was raised in Korea. He thinks he’s more Korean than anything else. Still, his face tells a different story. Most of the time, strangers will hesitate to speak to him at all, fumbling awkwardly, wondering if he understands them. Other times, strangers see him as the perfect opportunity to practice their rusty English. Kai just plays along. Sometimes it’s easier to let people believe what they want. It saves them from the embarrassment and Kai from having to explain his entire life story to a nosy ahjumma at the convenience store.
Soobin was part of the latter, but to his credit, his English was good. Better than average. Hell, definitely better than Kai’s, though he’d never say it out loud. At first, Kai just went along with it, figuring Soobin would switch to Korean eventually, but Soobin never did. Turns out, they were interested in a lot of the same things, particularly anime and games. They talked about music too, swapping recommendations despite having different tastes. Frankly, Kai was running out of English to speak, and he was surprised Soobin hadn’t noticed.
It wasn’t until the new members' dinner that day that Soobin finally spoke to him in Korean—or, well, spoke about him.
Kai stepped out to get some air, the stuffiness of the meat restaurant finally getting to him, only to spot Soobin leaning against the brick wall, talking on the phone with a cigarette between his fingers. Kai was about to slip back when he caught his name. And as any human would have done, he lingered.
“His name is Kai Huening,” Soobin said in Korean as he took a slow drag of his cigarette. “You probably won’t find him on SNS, he doesn’t seem like the type.”
Well, he wasn’t wrong about that. Kai kept listening.
Soobin chuckled softly. “No, he’s definitely straight. Told me he just broke up with an ex-girlfriend, which is fine. I’m just glad to meet a friend I have so much in common with.”
Huh. Kai thought. I definitely wasn’t supposed to hear that. Just as he was about to walk away, cheeks warm from the words, Soobin continued.
“He really is so cute, though. You know how you feel when you see a small animal? Yeah, that’s what it’s like meeting him.”
Kai stifled a giggle. Cute like a small animal? That was a first. He wasn't sure what Soobin meant, but he decided to take it as a compliment, feeling a flutter in his stomach.
“Soobin-ssi,” Kai called out before he could stop himself. He walked closer, unable to hide his amusement as Soobin turned around, smoke curling from his lips, the tips of his ears turning red. “You think I’m cute like a small animal?”
Soobin groaned, stubbing out his cigarette. “Please tell me you didn’t hear all of that.”
“Every word. Sorry,” Kai replied, not bothering to suppress his grin anymore. “I’m almost as tall as you, Soobin-ssi. I think small animal is a bit of a stretch.”
“I’ll call you back, hyung.” Soobin muttered before turning to face Kai. “I–Kai-ssi, I am so sorry you heard that. Please don’t quit the society. I can even pay the membership fee for you. Wait, that sounds bad–what I mean is, I’m just so sorry. If I’ve made you too uncomfortable, I completely understand–well, I mean, if you’re uncomfortable because of my sexuality, then I don’t understand. That’s fucked up. But if you feel burdened by what I said, then that’s okay. Again, I’m so–“
“Soobin-ssi,” Kai cut him off with a hand on his shoulder, “it’s okay, really. If anything, I’m sorry that I listened in. And…I’m also sorry I’m straight.”
Soobin threw his head back and laughed—a genuine laugh that showed off his dimples. “You don’t have to be sorry about that.” A pause, and then: “Well, maybe a little bit.”
Kai smiles at the memory. It was the first real conversation they’d had, and it set the tone for their entire friendship: easy, teasing, and honest in a way that Kai didn’t really have before then. Though Kai did end up quitting the society to focus on his other hobbies (he joined their university’s band in his second semester), his friendship with Soobin remained strong.
If Kai was being frank, the amount of time they spent together was kind of absurd, especially in the earlier stages of their friendship. It became a running joke within English society that you could never find one without the other. Whether they were gaming in a PC bang, cramming in the library, or binging obscure anime in each other’s dorm rooms, they were attached at the hip. Even when life picked up, they never went more than a few days without seeing each other.
Kai frowns, reflecting on how they went three weeks without seeing each other this time around. In hindsight, he should have noticed something was wrong, but he was too caught up in his own schoolwork. God, he really must have done something to make Soobin pull away.
He’s startled out of his downward spiral when the student union doors spring open. A group of people filters out, chatting loudly. He scans the group, seeing a few people he knew and a couple he didn’t. They must be new. Finally, he spots a familiar figure smiling warmly at everyone and telling them to get home safe–it’s Soobin, of course, with his stupidly large backpack slung behind him.
Kai springs to his feet and waves. “Soobin hyung!”
Soobin jerks, startled by the sound of Kai’s voice. He looks around briefly before spotting Kai, face flashing with recognition, then confusion. “Huening-ah?” he calls, walking towards him. “What are you doing here? Don’t you only have morning classes today?
Kai shrugs. “Thought I’d get some studying done in the library. It had gotten pretty late by the time I finished, so I thought I’d stop by and say hi.” He grins, trying to play it cool, and holds out a cup in his hand. “Here, I got you an iced choco.”
Soobin freezes, his hand hovering just above the cup. “You? Immediately on the grind right after midterms?” His voice is playful, but there’s a slight edge to it–like he doesn’t quite believe Kai’s explanation.
“What, are you surprised I’m a responsible student sometimes?” Kai tilts his head.
“Very,” Soobin replies, finally taking the drink. He brings the cup to his lips, pausing for a beat too long. “You didn’t poison this, did you?”
Kai rolls his eyes and takes a swig from the iced choco himself. “You are so dramatic, hyung.”
Soobin exhales a soft laugh, but it doesn’t sound right. “Sue me for being skeptical. You’re being so sweet, I’m touched, Kai-yah.” Soobin places a hand on his chest, sighing theatrically.
“Hey! I’m plenty sweet!” Kai huffs and hands the cup back to Soobin. “You’re acting like I never do anything nice for you.”
“You don’t,” Soobin replies automatically, but there’s no real bite to it. He takes a small sip, his eyes meeting Kai’s briefly before darting away. “Seriously though. What’s…what’s with the surprise?”
“I don’t know. I guess I…” Kai touches his nose. “I know we had lunch the other day, but we didn’t hang out for a while before that. Thought it would be nice to hang out now that we aren’t so busy.”
“Oh.”
“Plus, I know how hard you’ve been working, so I thought you deserved a sweet treat,” Kai adds.
For a moment, Soobin looks at him—really looks at him, like he’s searching for something in Kai’s expression. Why does hyung keep doing that? What is he looking for? Another emotion Kai cannot read passes his face. He blinks, and it’s gone. Soobin is back to teasing. What was that?
“You’re literally so obsessed with me it makes you look silly.” Soobin’s tone is light. Maybe Kai is imagining things.
“Shut up.” The tips of Kai’s ears are warm. “I just wanted to do something nice for you. Don’t be weird about it.”
“I don’t know~” Soobin sing-songs. “This is kinda embarrassing for you~”
Kai fixes him with an unimpressed look and walks away. Soobin takes so long to respond, Kai almost thinks he won’t. He sneaks a look behind him to see Soobin shaking his head and taking a deep breath as if to steel himself. Before he notices him peeking, Kai looks away.
“Hueningkai-ssi~” Soobin catches up to him, an arm slinging loosely around him. This time, Soobin’s smile reaches his eyes, soft and warm, like he’s finally let himself relax “Sorry, sorry. I’ll stop teasing.”
“I was gonna ask you if you were free to get yogurt with me at that new place.” Kai crosses his arms, pouting. “But if you’re gonna be an asshole about it…”
“Are you paying?” Soobin’s eyes are mischievous.
Kai gasps, clutching his chest. “What kind of hyung are you? Exploiting your dongsaeng like this. You’re really something.”
“And yet here you are. Obsessed.” Soobin is practically dripping with smugness. Kai should hit him, really.
Instead, he opens his eyes wide, dials his aegyo up to maximum, and says, “if that’s what you wanna believe, Hueningie supports you.”
“Yah!” Soobin scrunches up his nose. “Watch your tongue.” He shoves Kai away, but there’s fondness in his eyes. No matter how much he pretends he hates it, everyone knows that deep deep deep inside, he enjoys it.
Kai grins, and immediately doubles down on the aegyo. “Ttubinnie hyung~ Hueningie wants yogurt~!” he whines, scrunching his face and clasping his hands together.
“Eugh,” Soobin fake gags. “Absolutely not.” He takes a step back, and then another, before full on jogging ahead.
Kai bursts out laughing, keeling over for a moment before chasing after him. “Hyung, wait! Don’t leave Hueningie all alone!”
“I hope Hueningie freezes to death!” Soobin calls over his shoulder, his voice colored with laughter.
They continue their banter, the teasing filling the mostly empty campus with warmth. When they slow to a walk, shoulder-to-shoulder, all the tension Soobin carried earlier seems to have melted away. His smiles are softer and more honest, his posture much less guarded.
Kai sneaks a glance at him, something in his chest tightening before unraveling and being replaced by pure warmth. There he is, Kai thinks. Hyung is handsomest when he’s relaxed like this.
For the first time in three weeks, Soobin looks completely at ease with him. It’s enough for Kai to feel sparks of hope ignite in him.
This is just the beginning. He’ll keep this up. He’ll show Soobin how much he cares, over and over again, until there's no more room for any doubt or sadness.