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Four jabbed the training dummy outside the cabin in frustration. Yet again, she’d been asked to stand guard over Octavio while Three ran some quick patrols. Yet again she’d been relegated to the sidelines! She wasn’t even allowed to operate the radio equipment, because Marie hadn’t trained them on how to set up and use the equipment properly, and Three had seemed to avoid the idea entirely.
They couldn’t understand it; they were a capable agent. They cleared the entirety of Octo Canyon several times, she saved Callie, they did so much! So why wouldn’t Three trust her with a simple mission? Did they just think she wasn’t good enough? They always seemed to be looking down on her, always able to point out something wrong they were doing, how they could improve.
Did Three just hate her? The thought kind of hurt, the simple idea that a squid as cool as Three, as amazing as Three, would hate her. They always acted so aloof, so cold, and didn’t seem to care about their presence at all. They’d barely regard her, and when they did it sent such a shock through their system, but they seemed completely oblivious. Or apathetic.
It hurt.
No, no, they clapped their palms against their face; stop being silly. They don’t hate you, they don’t think you’re not a worthwhile agent, they don’t think you’re just getting in the way, no matter how many times the voice in the back of your head insists so. They’re… okay they probably don’t like you enough to be a friend, per say, and they definitely don’t feel... Point is, they don’t hate you. It’s just not a good day today.
Although what day it was is exactly why she wanted to go on a mission.
“What is wrong with you?! How can you be so selfish?! First we find out you’re going to have to repeat a year because you’re either too lazy or too stupid to study properly, now this?!”
Rushing through the domes, wind roaring in their ears as they leapt from island to island, dodging this way and that around defences, scaling walls. All of it the perfect distraction from today, a day she wanted anything but to be alone with her thoughts. Something more distracting than working on her punches, or practising her dodge rolls, or shooting balloons with a charger.
But instead of that, Callie and Marie were organising some concert with Off the Hook; Eight was going to be in classes all day as university finals grew closer; Three was adamantly pouring themselves through the domes as if their life depended on it; even Octavio, whose usual array of threats and bargaining and insults would be a welcome distraction, was fast asleep in his prison.
Leaving them with nothing but really bad memories about what happened on this day, two years ago.
“Are you trying to embarrass us? I can’t fathom why else you’d want to consider this ridiculous behaviour!”
No matter how quickly she drove fists into the dummy, no matter how she moved about it, no matter how hard they tried to focus on any kind of training she could do, those moments refused to stop looping in their head.
“Get out! Get out of our house, and don’t come back!”
With a guttural roar, she drove a fist into the centre of the dummy, sending it flying back against the Cabin with a dull THUMP! Inside the small cabin, a few things clattered or smashed against the ground.
Four froze; they’d definitely not meant to do that.
In a panic, she scrambled to the cabin and ripped the sliding door open and looked around the room frantically, hoping whatever had broke wasn’t too valuable. Or sentimental. A few crooked picture frames, but none seemed to have fallen to the ground. A few knick-knacks knocked over, a stack of paperwork now spread across the floor, a panel in the back had fallen down along with-
Four froze. A little black box lay askew near the wall panel. A glint of something black and shiny sat inside.
The Hypnoshades.
Carefully, Four crept over to the case and looked at its contents. Unsurprisingly, the sunglasses were completely undamaged, not even a scratch. Because of course they were; hard to break, easy to fix. It took Sheldon directly opening the shades up and tinkering with its contents to fully shut them down, but a lot of the contents couldn’t be removed with any tool Sheldon had.
Four would be lying if they said the shades didn’t scare her a little. Callie’s recounting was terrifying; those things had made her not herself; took control, rooted deep into her mind, with no way to fight back, no way to remember who you were, what you’d done, what...
“We need to do this dear. One day you’ll thank us for helping you come to your senses.”
…
No. No, no, no. Even if the shades were disabled, it wasn’t worth the risk of finding out if they could still do something. Four knew how bad an experience it was to be like that. Callie was a wreck when they found her. It took months before she could gain her confidence back, and she still had off days.
But… Callie had a life full of happy memories, right? Memories of good times and a family who loved her. Memories that didn’t leave her feeling hollow or defective or rotten inside. Of course she’d feel terrible if she lost a life full of love and happiness; anyone would. Maybe it was different if someone didn’t have that?
Why the shell was she entertaining this?! The shades didn’t work! Sheldon made sure of that, and even if they did, they weren’t going to help distract her from the memories that had been crashing against her mind all day! They should just put the case back and clean up the cabin before Three got back…
Screaming from behind a locked door; rain clouds rolling in with nowhere to hide from them; disappointment, failure, disgust…
With the flick of their wrist, the shades popped open, and she slid them over her face, her thumb finding the switch on the side, and… nothing. No lights, no noises, no indication of anything. She felt the exact same. Her memories remained the exact same. With a bitter sigh, she lifted their hand to take the shades off, folding them closed with another flick, and placed them back in the case.
Maybe she should just go home early; they clearly weren’t in the best headspace. But she didn’t want to deal with the noise and bustle of the city at midday, not today when their nerves were so frayed. And she needed to prove she was still a capable agent, that they were worthy of the role, that they could still help. If they couldn’t handle the one thing she’d been tasked with doing, what was the poi-
“Four?”
She definitely remembered their codename, and as their head whipped around to the entrance, they also definitely remembered the figure standing in the doorway with an expression of shock on their face.
“Th-Three!” she stammered. “I, uhhh, didn’t see you there.”
“Why were you wearing the hypnoshades?” they asked softly, their expression retaining their horror. Carp, they’d seen her.
“I was, uhhh, just… Y’know, I wasn’t sure we checked that they were disabled so-”
“So you put them on? On purpose?” Three's shadow filled the cabin as they stepped across the threshold.
“Wh-well, y’see, uhhh,” Four stumbled over their words. “I mean, what if we had another shades incident? Wouldn’t it make sense to know what to do if one of us got-
“You don’t do anything!” Three cried, causing Four to flinch. “You get stuck with it, someone else has to get you out! Y’think Callie wouldn’t have tried to break free? Y’think I wouldn’t have?!”
“Wh-no-”
“What possessed you to even try them?” Three‘s hands shot out and snatched the case from her grasp. “Even if they’re not working, coz what if they were? What was your plan if they did work? What was your plan to get out? Were you just not thinking about it?”
“I-I-I-”
“What is wrong with you?!”
“I DON’T KNOW!” Four screamed at the top of their lungs, bolting past her colleague and out into the canyon as their emotions clouded her head. She ignored the sound of their name being called as they hurtled past the open domes, scrambling to the jump to Suction-Cup Lookout.
They stumbled a bit as their boots impacted on the brickwork, but she kept running. She didn’t even know where she was running; it wasn’t like there were a lot of places to go within the canyon. She cursed themselves for not turning to the city first, why didn’t you go there, why do you keep screwing up-
Four’s boots tangled on the power cords snaking from the boss kettle to the rest of the outpost, and she tumbled forwards ungracefully, rolling off a ledge and down to the alley below. They landed heavily, knocking the wind from their lungs. With a cough and a couple of heavy breaths, they got their bearings and rolled onto their back miserably, eyes closed and trying not to cry.
What a joke she was, they thought miserably. Fled in a panic when she couldn’t come up with an answer; then tripped themselves up when she was running away, if she was in a fight right now they’d be dead. What was she even thinking with the goggles? All because they couldn’t focus and get rid of some bad memories? All because they couldn’t do what anyone else would do and just ignore them? No wonder she wasn’t being trusted with missions anymore…
-Plip-
Four’s eyes snapped open as something small and cold rapped against her cold, and she was met with rolling clouds, dark and heavy. Because, of course. The sobs began to pour from her as tears and raindrops began to fall, one by one. Wasn’t this just perfect; for a second time in their life, she’d been forced to leave a place she thought they belonged, with no cover from the rain, no where to go, and no one-
“Four!”
Her sobs receded as Three skidded to a stop on the ledge above, looking around frantically.
“Four, where are you?” they cried. “I’m- I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have shouted at you, I just… fuck!” Finally, their sight turned towards her, and their expression turned to alarm.
“Four! Are you okay?!” They leapt down into the alley, quickly checking for injuries. “Shoot, okay, you don’t look too banged up, good. C’mon, up you get, we need to get into cover!” Four was so stunned, she limply followed as Three hoisted them up and pulled her into the nearby alcove, safe from the incoming shower that quickly became a downpour. Three slumped against the wall and caught their breath, before looking up at her again.
“Four, I’m sorry,” they continued from earlier. “I saw you put the shades on and I… I panicked. I… all I could think of was… I didn’t want you to go through that. No one should have to go through that.”
“Ugggh... No, Three, it’s not your fault,” Four sighed, banging her head against the wall behind her softly. “I don’t know what I was thinking. I just… I got a stupid idea into my head.”
“All the same,” Three muttered, “I could’ve handled that much better than I did. Doesn’t matter what was going on, it wasn’t… it didn’t help anything.” Silence fell across the two again, and Four turned away to watch the rain, hoping it would distract. It wasn’t. Nothing was a good enough distraction.
“Did you… wanna talk about it?”
Four frowned. “Talk about what?”
“Whatever idea you had in your head,” Three shrugged. “Or whatever is bothering you. Something’s on your mind, and whatever it is, I’ll hear it out if you wanna be heard.”
“I…” She could talk about it. It might even be a good thing. All those memories weighed on her, and maybe they just needed to talk about them. It could be cathartic. It could help her heal from all the damage that part of her life did to them.
Or it could just open up old wounds and let them fester.
“I… I’m sorry, Three,” they shuddered. “I don’t think I’m ready to share that with anyone yet.” Three didn’t reply at first, simply nodding and closing their eyes. If they were upset by the response, they didn’t show it; they were always a bit hard to read.
“That’s fine,” Three mumbled eventually, “I won’t push you further on it if you don’t want to. But if something distressed you enough that you wanted to use the hypnoshades to handle it, we’ll need to find some way to help. It’s what any friend would do.”
“F-friend?”
“I mean,” Three averted their gaze, “I think we’re friends, right?”
“I… yeah, that sounds right,” Four smiled. Friends. Three saw her as a friend!
“Right,” Three offered their own, more reserved smile. Another silence settled over them, but this time, more comfortably.
“Rain doesn’t look like it’ll let up for a while,” Three sighed, tapping away on their phone. “I’ll let Cal and Mar know where we are and what’s happening, but it’ll probably be a while before they get here.”
“Yeah,” Four nodded glumly.
“… Do ya need something to pass the time?”
“Like what?” Four asked.
“We could probably watch a show on my phone,” Three tossed their phone in the air before catching it. “Should pass the time. And maybe help get your mind off something.”
Four smiled. “Sure.”
Soon, the two were sat side-by-side in the alcove as the rain bucketed down, watching some show Three had been watching. Honestly, she was barely paying attention, but it was a good distraction. A good distraction from her friend.
Friend. That made them happy, yes. They didn’t need any more than friend. She knew it would never be any more than friend. She’d certainly never admit it, after all. Not after last time. Not after finally working up the courage to ask her best friend out, only to find she’d gotten a boyfriend over the weekend. Not after trying to confess, to put those feelings to rest and move on, only to suddenly find her best friend was… not so much of a friend. Not after the crumpled note she’d meant to throw out had been found at the bottom of her bag by the two worst people who could have found it.
Not after everything went wrong. Not after the rain.
No, Four was happy being just friends. It was better that way.
It was nice, having friends who cared about you.
============
“Hey, Holly,” Jesse barked over the sound of machinery. “You’re kinda into electronics and stuff, right?”
“Pssh, yeah,” Holly chuckled. “I’m a little interested in the stuff. Only a smidgen. Pass me that wrench there?”
“You know what I mean,” Jesse sighed, handing the wrench to the portly engineer as he watched Elite Lethe unload another crate from the truck and hand it to an Octotrooper. “Do ya happen to know what the Hypnoshades are like?”
“How they function, or first hand experience?”
“Uhhh… whichever one is ‘what’s it like to wear them’?” Jesse shrugged.
“Well, my answer to that is ‘No’,” Holly replied with a cheeky grin. “Theoretically, the shades use complex algorithms to suppress, amplify, and manipulate what is already there in the mind. Block memories, alter this and that, and make someone do as requested. Lethe’s case is… a strange one, a little untested, even. With no personality to pull from, who knows what the shades will do.”
“I see,” Jesse sighed, before a thought crossed his mind. “I don’t… would it be good for just… helping to stop thinking about a bad memory?”
“Jesse, I’ll be honest,” Holly grumbled from under the hull of the Octobot King, “Messing with your memory is not the way to get over that stuff. Your life will be full of experiences, good and bad, and all of them will form you.” She hauled herself out from underneath the mech and looked Jesse in the eye. “And if there is something that’s haunting you that badly, coz I don’t know you well enough to know, you’re better off speaking to close friends, or the medics who know more about brains than I do.”
“Thanks, I think,” Jesse frowned. “You’ll knock the socks off Amber with that charm.”
“I’m sure,” Holly muttered dryly with a roll of her eyes. “As if that would ever be a concern for me.”
“I mean, you guys kinda stopped screaming at each other,” Jesse tapped his claws on the workbench he was leaning against. “I kinda assumed you two had gotten a little friendlier with each other?”
“Jesse, Amber and I are gonna try to be civil for the sake of our people, we both have a lot of responsibility. But we do not like each other, in any capacity. I would rather spend as little time with that woman as I can, as she would likely say the same about me.”
“Alright, fair,” Jesse nodded. “Sorry for assumin’.”
“You’re good. Pliers and that screwdriver, please?”
As Jesse continued to supply Holly with the tools to modify the Octobot, Lethe handed off the last crate of power eggs to an Octoling girl with strawberry-coloured tentacles, and turned to close up the door. She’d had those memories looping in their head again; the ones that weren’t hers. The leftovers from whoever they used to be.
Harsh screams from outside a door as tears stained a report card; a suitcase full of an Inkling’s every worldly possession; a crumpled up note with a heart at the bottom, never delivered.
They felt like important memories. They felt like they would have formed a huge part of her life, of who they were before. They felt like something that would leave a huge impact, that would drive someone to despair, that would torment them for years.
They felt nothing for these false memories.
It irked her that the memories were even there in the first place, where everything else was blank. Maybe she should go see the Great DJ, request another conditioning session; it had been a while since he declared her treatments completed. But… he was rather busy. So much work to do, repairs to authorise, preparation for confrontation, organising his people.
She’d be fine to just ignore them. It’s not like the memories meant anything to them.