Work Text:
Erurihan Week
Exhaustion
Levi was the strongest man on paper. So why was he lying face down in the mud? He couldn’t die by drowning in a puddle, he turned his face so he could breathe. This was it for certain. He heard the whiz of 3D maneuver gear and saw the familiar thin figure of Hange. She came to his side. More like fell to his side. She was on her knees, her hand on his shoulder.
“There’s six headed toward us. I can safely take out three but I’m out of gas and I’m out of energy,” she said.
“Take my gear. I’ve got enough,” he said. She grabbed his hand.
“You’ll need it to go back,” she said. He was quiet. He wasn’t going back. He blacked out before he could talk to her more.
He stared at the ceiling. A ceiling? He did not see the reflection of fire and brimstone. He was not in hell like he assumed he would be when he died. He was certainly not going to heaven, and he doubted heaven had drab grey ceilings. Perhaps he was in limbo. He was okay with that. He tried to sit up, but he felt a firm hand on his shoulder.
“Stay back. Just rest,” a strong, male voice said.
“Erwin,” Levi said.
“Don’t talk. You’ve been out for days,” he said. “I was worried.”
“And Hange?” Levi said.
“I said stop talking. She’s alive but barely and she hasn’t open her eyes,” he said.
Levi closed his. “Why?”
“Persistent, aren’t you? She wouldn’t let you die. She fought off titans for a few hours before we could get to her,” he said. “She was barely conscious when we finally found her, but she fought remarkably well.”
Levi didn’t care about the quality of her fighting, he was concerned that she had pushed herself way beyond her limits for his safety. If only he hadn’t been so foolish and gone out on his own. It didn’t matter how strong you are, each mission could be your last. The title of strongest was a fragile one. It could be lost with one bad decision.
“I want to see her,” he said.
“Just rest. When you’re strong enough you can see her,” Erwin said.
Levi found the statement cutting. He was strong enough to be sent to his death with massive blood loss, but not strong enough to see the woman he loved. Erwin’s hand closed around his.
“Can you content yourself with me?” he asked.
Levi’s lips curled into a small smile.
“For now. But I still want to see damn Four Eyes,” he said.
“You will. She’s fine,” Erwin said.
No she wasn’t. Because he didn’t hear her voice, he couldn’t smell her on his sheets and pillow, she wasn’t curled up in the bed with him.
“You’re a liar,” Levi said.
“Not to you. If she was going to die, I’d tell you. She’s fine. Just in really, really bad shape. She’ll be back to us soon enough,” Erwin said.
Levi closed his eyes. He had to accept that.
He could barely sit up, but he put his feet on the ground and hobbled toward Hange’s bed on the other side of the room. A nurse hurried over to stop him and he elbowed her harshly. He had to see Hange. In the end it was all he could do to just climb in her bed. He put his arm around her and closed his eyes. How. How had he fallen so far? By the time he made it across the room to be with her he was spent and exhausted.
He was too tired to be aware that he was crying.
They didn’t move him. They let him stay in her bed and he felt better and stronger when he was near her. He would find so much comfort when he put his hand on her chest and feel it rise and fall. Erwin was there as soon as he was told Levi was awake.
“Levi...” he began. Levi said nothing but nuzzled into Hange's neck and reached for Erwin’s hand.
“You look better,” Erwin said softly. Levi frowned. “Please don’t worry. She’s...”
“She’s catching up for all those sleepless nights with those damn titans,” Levi said. Erwin smiled wryly.
“Yeah. That’s exactly what’s going on,” he said.
Levi kissed her jaw, while Erwin kissed her hand. Hange felt a little cooler than she usually did, she was certainly paler. But she was breathing, and Levi vowed to stay with her and keep her warm.
“Sleep it off, Shitty Glasses” Levi whispered. “And Erwin, don’t you work yourself into exhaustion over us.”
“I won't. She’d be terribly upset with me if I did, wouldn’t she?” Erwin said.
“I’ll be upset with you. That’s the only thing you need to worry about,” Levis said. Erwin laughed and took his hand and kissed it.
“I’ll try not to make either of you worry,” he said.
“Try harder,” Levi mumbled.
“Tired again?” Erwin said.
“Don’t look at me like I’m dying. I’m just tired. I’m still sore from all that fighting,” Levi said.
“As you should be,” Erwin said.
Levi did not want to admit he was tired because he worried about Hange. Had he not been so physically exhausted, he might have stayed up watching over her, but instead, he passed out with her in his arms.
She was breathing, but barely. Levi was scared to move her, because he knew she had to be hurting and he didn’t want her to wake up because of pain. All he could do was wait and recover on his own. Not exactly on his own. He looked up at Erwin whose expression was distant and pained, like he was watching them curled together in a coffin.
“We’re alive, Erwin. We’ll be fine. That’s what you keep telling me, right?” Levi said. Erwin snorted and smiled a bit.
“Right,” he said.
Hange opened her eyes just briefly. She stared at the ceiling. Stared at them, stared at the nurses and closed her eyes again. Levi was convinced that she could still hear them and insisted Erwin say something to her. Erwin sat on her bed and stroked her face. He spoke softly and tenderly to her, the way that would set both their hearts on fire. Hange opened her eyes again, a sheen to them, as though she were ready to cry. She was too tired, a few tears rolled down her face that Erwin promptly kissed. Her heart was beating fast and strong, Levi could feel it as he held her. She needed time to rest after that, such a display required some recovery time, especially given her current circumstances.
Levi was burning with desire to tell her how much he loved her, but waited patiently. He left her side for the first time in a few days to wash up. He was feeling slightly better. He had tea with Erwin (and received tender words and stroking all his own). He returned to Hange only at night, and just to share a bed.
“I don’t want you to get too cold,” he said. “I won’t let that happen.”
He rested easily. He woke with her fingers entwined weakly with his. He sat up and saw her looking at him. She couldn’t smile, but he could tell she was. He smiled as sweetly at her as he could. He pressed kisses all over her face.
“You’re allowed to rest. You can sleep this off. Take as long as you need,” he said. She sighed. “Don’t speak. I’m exciting you too much, I won’t keep you awake much longer. I’m not as good with words as Erwin but you know how I feel,” he said. “I’ll just stay here with you.”
She didn’t move much, but there was a spark of life to her now. Her breathing would vary, her mouth would open and close, she’d snore a little. He was happy. And he was happier when he woke up one morning and found her fingers in his hair, and that she was holding Erwin’s hand.
Levi ran his hand along her side and she let out something between a sigh and a laugh.
“Am I tickling you?” he asked.
She shook her head. Levi could see Erwin squeezing her hand. She turned her tired, sunken eyes up to him. Her lips were moving but no sound came out.
“I’m squeezing too hard, I’m sorry,” Erwin said. He gently threaded his fingers through her hair and kissed her forehead. “I’m so sorry.” He kissed her lips. “Sorry.”
Levi kissed Erwin’s cheek before he moved away.
“We’re fine just like you promised,” Levi said. Erwin looked down.
“I’m supposed to make sacrifices for humanity, I know this,” he said. “But you...I can’t sacrifice you two. I have to ask you to do so much for me, but I can’t...I can’t lose you. And it’s entirely selfish, but I can’t.”
“You can’t hold us back from doing our jobs,” Levi said. “Our lives aren’t more precious in the grand scheme than anyone else’s.”
“But in the small scheme, in my life, you are the most important,” he said.
Hange sighed. It sounded painful. Her arms and hands were covered in bandages, Levi could feel the bandages along her stomach, and he knew she’d broken her leg, he could feel the cast brushing against his skin.
“I can’t stand seeing you both look so broken,” Erwin said.
All everyone ever saw from the three of them was the stone faced commander, the crazy scientist and humanity’s strongest. No one ever saw their vulnerabilities. Even before this, no one ever saw the way Hange, exhausted after days of testing on titans, would be exhausted beyond taking care of herself. The joke about Hange being dirty was unfair, as she only got that way when she threw herself into work, when she stopped caring about herself and only thought about the future. When Erwin had to turn a blind eye to her self neglect and Levi had to sit on his hands. No one saw the deep scars and cuts, some of which Hange stitched up on her own.
As far as anyone knew Levi was invincible. No one saw his sleepless nights, when the only thing coaxing him to bed was the promise of being warmly caressed by his lovers. No one saw Erwin’s panic attacks. No one held him, soothed him, sat next to him as he wrote condolence letters. He wrote almost every single one, except for the ones Hange would write for him because he just couldn’t anymore.
“I’m not broken,” Hange said in a gravelly voice.
“Please don’t speak,” Erwin said. “Save your energy.”
“Shut up,” she said. “I’m just tired. Very, very tired.”
The weight of those words settled on them. The unspoken fatigue played differently on their features. Erwin’s jaw was set, often clenched, his teeth had been cracked and filled a few times, and he gnashed his teeth at night. Hange would keep working, running ragged and filthy until she was spent, recharge briefly and continued on, repeating the process. Levi never slept and his eyes were beset with dark circles and often red.
They could offer no condolences or hope. They could only agree and feel the weight of their own exhaustion. Commiseration, there was no relief. They could only toil tirelessly toward the end goal. Except they were exhausted. Not one of them held out hope to see the end of their mission.
They pulled closer to each other, Erwin squeezing onto the bed to flank Hange, to hug her waist and keep her warm. Levi draped his arm over Hange and gripped Erwin’s shirt. They were all so very tired. And all they could do was support each other in what was probably a suicidal mission.
At least in the very end, they could all rest together. Forever.