Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

Dipper remembers the trial. He remembers making his stand and staying behind. He remembers Yellow promising Blue that he’d be taken off to the human zoo. He remembers being hauled off to what he thought would be a mere holding cell–only to find what looked like an operating room. He remembers being strapped to a table against his will. He remembers the square-haired Peridot ( Squaridot, Steven and Mabel would have probably called her ) fiddling with some machine, refusing to answer any of his questions. He remembers the needle that slid into the side of his neck and then-

And then-

(He doesn’t remember the blade hanging high above his left shoulder as it began to come down. He doesn’t remember briefly, deliriously waking up in the middle of the procedure. He doesn’t remember someone panicking, demanding that he be put back under immediately. He doesn’t remember hearing a scream–it couldn’t have been his, it sounded too far away, too inhuman, too broken. He doesn’t remember glancing over and only seeing red, red, red, red -)

And then–

He wakes up. 

The first thing Dipper feels is warmth. It blooms to life somewhere on his left side, pleasantly spreading through his body in a way that almost feels like a healing kiss from Steven. He leans into that feeling, longs for it. But when his eyes slowly slide open, Steven isn’t the one he sees. 

Instead, an unfamiliar yellow face hovers over his. That face is framed by orange hair tied into a tight, neat bun, with a smooth, round gemstone perched in the center of it. Her scarlet eyes briefly meet his before she turns away, tapping on one of the several holo-screens surrounding her. 

“Subject 6.18 has unexpectedly awakened and appears to be lucid,” she reports, her voice soft, yet professional. “The amputation point is healing well enough and should continue to do so with proper support and supervision.”

Dipper can’t make much sense of what she’s saying, nor does he care enough to. As muddled as his senses still are, he still tries taking stock of his surroundings, of the simple, sterile room with no apparent entrance or exit. The cold, hard metal table he’s still lying on but no longer strapped down to. The shirt and jacket he’s so glad to have back after they’d been torn away from him by one of Squaridot’s machines. The strange sense of numbness lingering only over his left arm as he slowly turns his head to look at–

His arm

His arm

His arm–

Is gone . 

Screaming starts ringing in his ears again–only this time, he knows it's him. 

He doesn’t stop screaming either, not even as the Gem whips back around to face him. His right hand ( thank god, it’s still there ) blindly flies for the space where his left arm should be, only to grasp at empty air instead. From the base of his shoulder down, there’s nothing there but a heavily bandaged stump, the only evidence left behind that there’d ever once been an arm there at all. 

When he looks at that stump, panic surges through his chest in a way it never has before. It’s raw, primal, unstoppable as it washes over him like violent waves upon a stormy shore. And each new wave brings another new thought, another new realization, another new reality more horrific than the last. 

His arm is gone… and he’ll never get it back . 

The Gem doesn’t have time to get over to him before he rolls off of the metal table. He falls hard onto the slick floor, unable to pull himself upright as his ( three ) remaining limbs flail around in aimless alarm. His throat is tight, his voice growing ragged as his lungs plead for air they can never seem to get enough of ( how there’s even air here on Homeworld at all, he has no idea ). 

His arm is gone, and with it, so too are so many simple, essential things he used to be able to do: sword fighting, mystery hunting, journal writing, even just getting ready for the day on his own, all rendered nigh impossible now. 

The Gem says something–whether it's to him or to her screens he doesn’t know or care. Whatever it is, he doesn’t hear it anyway as his screams–now sobs more than anything–continue echoing through the tiny cell. Any and all logic is thrown out the window as he begins tearing the bandages off his left arm ( his stump ), as if that’ll help it regrow even though he knows it won’t. He vaguely feels the Gem’s hands on his remaining arm, trying to stop him, but he shoves her away with as much strength as he can muster. 

His arm is gone, along with any chances he might have once had at a normal future, a normal life. Maybe even a life in general. 

His screaming is only brought to a stop when the Gem suddenly injects something–probably the same concoction that put him to sleep the first time around–into his exposed neck. He tries fighting against it, fighting to stay awake in case anyone gets the bright idea to take his other arm away this time he’s out of it. But in the end, it’s a losing battle. 

His eyes grow heavy, his body turns limp, and within seconds, he’s lost to the void all over again, with tears still streaming down his face all the while. 

Amber is… surprised, to say the least. 

When Hessonite told her their latest subject wasn’t from Pink Diamond’s zoo, but rather, from Earth, she hadn’t been sure what to expect. She knows so little of the planet her cut had originated from, so little about the war that Homeworld had lost it in. But if there’s one thing Amber does know, it’s humans. Caring for them was what she was made to do, after all. 

But the human lying on the operating table before her now… stars, he’s so small . So young too, far younger than any of their past subjects had been. The word ‘child’ springs into her mind; she doesn’t know where it came from, it isn’t a concept native to Homeworld. Then again, her cut was designed to know plenty of things other Gems don’t about organic life. Not that her knowledge has helped any of her previous patients survive thus far. 

She hovers a hand over his forehead to read his vitals, listing them all off in her latest report. Heartbeat: fast, but not troublingly so. Temperature: feverish, but that’s to be expected following his recent procedure. Breathing: uneven, but more from stress than anything else. Speaking of stress… 

None of the other subjects she’s worked with so far reacted to the amputation in such an extreme way. True, most were startled to find a limb missing, some shocked into silence for the remainder of their time in the program. But none of the zoo humans had melted down as dramatically as Subject 6.18; none of them had cried . 

(Amber doesn’t know why that bothers her. It shouldn’t. The subject has no reason to be sad. Not when he’ll be far more than anything his species has ever produced once his time in the program is complete.)

(If he manages to last that long, anyway.)

Once her report is complete, Amber busies herself with rewrapping his stump. The reason why he frantically tore the bandages off in the first place is beyond her. Still, the amputation point is healing nicely, far faster than it would have naturally. Her powers have ensured that fresh skin and tissue are coming in, but it’s still tender, still fragile. 

(Much like this tiny human as a whole is.)

As consumed in her work as she is, it takes her a moment to realize Subject 6.18 has awakened again. The last dose of sedating serum she administered had been strong, to the point that, at first, all he can do is silently stare at her. He won’t be able to move for quite a while, and Amber is grateful for that. Another violent outburst could end up tearing the tip of his amputation point wide open again.

Eventually, the daze hanging over him begins to fade and he speaks. His voice is so small and so sad that Amber barely even hears it when he croaks out a “W-why…?”

Amber doesn’t reply; she has her orders. Don’t speak to the subject unless absolutely necessary. Which is why she doesn’t answer the rest of his question when he manages to gasp it out between broken breaths.

“Why… would you-“ He stops himself, shuddering as he forcefully tears his gaze away from his left side. “W-why did you cut it off…?” A tiny whine escapes him, one that bubbles over into a sob he can no longer contain. Amber watches, bewildered, when he starts crying again . “ Why ?” He demands, this time between tightly clenched teeth.

It isn’t a question he needs an answer to, but Amber feels the need to make a clarification regardless. “Technically speaking,” she begins, purposely avoiding the downright hateful look he shoots at her. “I did not remove your arm. The Peridot technician was responsible for-“

“That’s not what I meant!” he bitterly snaps. He tries moving, but only accomplishes a feeble squirm or two thanks to the sedating serum. “What is… w-why can’t I-“

“You will be able to move shortly, once the sedating serum has worn off,” Amber explains as she finishes tending to his stump. “However, if you continue to exhibit signs of erratic behavior once it does, I may be forced to administer more, to prevent you from harming yourself.”

Subject 6.18 snorts out a laugh; there isn’t a hint of joy behind it. “Are you serious ? You’re worried about me hurting myself after you just cut off my-“ He’s unable to get the word out, unable to finish the thought. Unable to spare so much as a passing glance over what little remains of his lost arm.

“Once again.” Amber reiterates. “I, personally, did not cut off-“

“I know !” he shouts, frustrated. He makes a point of turning away from her, finally able to move enough to cover his face with his remaining arm. “This can’t be happening, it can’t be,” he mutters to himself, distraught. “This has to be a dream—a-a nightmare! S-soon I’ll wake up and my arm will be back and I’ll be back home with… with Mabel and Steven and… a-and…”

He trails off into a tight, miserable cry. By the time he rolls over and curls in on himself, Amber has turned away from him, ready to file her latest report.

“Log date 7.12.3,” she begins, pulling up a holo screen. “Amber reporting in on the status of Subject 6.18. Subject is stable, with vitals reading normally following a successful amputation operation.”

“Successful?!” Subject 6.18 scoffs. He tries pulling himself upright, but with only one arm, he isn’t able to properly support himself as he falls back onto the table with an angry cry. “My arm didn’t need to be—T-there was nothing wrong with-“

“However,” Amber ignores him in favor of continuing her report. “The subject's mental state appears to be unsteady. As a result, he is exhibiting combative, aggressive behavior not seen in previous subjects in the program.”

“Program?” he echoes, confusion mixing into his fury. “What program? What are you talking about?”

“If such behavior continues, I may need to speak with Commander Hessonite about further restrainment measures moving forward, at least until the subject is properly inducted into our Diamond’s ranks.”

“What? Inducted into—“

“For now, I can conclude that Subject 6.18 is ready to begin the program in earnest and can be moved into the next available containment cell at the nearest convenience.”

“N-no. No! There’s no way you’re gonna keep me here!” He finds enough strength this time to shove himself off the table, only to fall hard onto the floor again. Amber sighs, glancing over her shoulder at him as he continues shouting threats at her, his face red as his tears continue streaking down it. This one is going to be more difficult than she expected, clearly.

“This is Amber for my Diamond’s Human Bioweapon Operation, signing off.”

Dipper decides very quickly that he hates every Gem he’s come into contact with here on Homeworld. And out of all of them, he hates Amber the most.

His first impression of her was that she’s some kind of nurse (which is silly; Gems have no need for anything like a doctor or nurse). But if that’s the case, then her bedside manner is abysmal. He’s not expecting a hug or an apology and even if she did offer either of those things, he wouldn’t take them. Still, anything would be better than the complete lack of sympathy he’s getting in the ruins of his painfully, permanently altered life.

He’s still too weak to put up much of a fight when two Quartz guards show up to take him somewhere else. They half-drag, half-carry him through narrow, featureless hallways to a small, nearly bare room. It reminds him of a prison cell, and as he’s tossed inside of it and the door seamlessly disappears from sight, he realizes that’s exactly what it is. The only break in the pale walls surrounding him is what appears to be a large one way window. He discovers it's actually a screen when just about the last Gem he wants to see right now shows up on it.

“Subject 6.18,” Amber greets him curtly. “If you can hear me, please respond accordingly.”

Dipper does so in the most spiteful way he can think of, making use of a certain crude gesture Stan had taught him last summer. At least he only needs one hand to be able to pull it off, not that it means anything to an oblivious Homeworld Gem like Amber.

She simply nods, not saying anything further as she starts tapping away at a screen again. Dipper bristles with annoyance, with anger, with grief that feels fresh every time he catches a glimpse at his stump out of the corner of his eye. “So are you actually gonna explain what’s going on here?” He finds standing for too long difficult, so he takes a seat on the ground. It’s not like there’s really any option for him to do anything else. “I thought I was going to be sent to the zoo, not-“ He cuts himself off, biting back tears in favor of putting on a brave face. He’s already cried enough about this; he can’t let them see just how weak he is any more than they already have. “Not… whatever this is.”

“You won’t be going to Pink Diamond’s zoo,” Amber says plainly,  not looking up from her screens. “Our Diamond has ordered that you remain here until you have completed the program.”

“Mind explaining what this “program” actually is?” “And why my arm had to be chopped off for it?” He nearly adds, but the words won’t come out. 

Amber taps something on her screens, which in turn displays a projection. Unsurprisingly, it’s all written in Gem glyph, and though he’s learned a little thanks to Pearl and Ford, Dipper isn’t able to decipher most of it. “Our Diamond’s Human Bioweapon Operation,” Amber translates for him.

“Human… Bioweapon…” Dipper repeats, stiffening with sudden fear. Right off the bat, nothing about that bodes well with him; but when Amber elaborates, it only gets so much worse .

“Our Diamond, merciful and tactical as she is, has found new value in your species. So she has decided to put your kind to use in her army. You are the latest subject in this experiment, which, if all goes accordingly, will transform you into the ideal soldier in loyal service to our Diamond. Of course, due to your biological shortcomings, some… alterations must be made, hence the removal of your limb, which eventually will be replaced with a biomechanical prosthetic once you’re-“

“Whoa, wait! Slow down!” Dipper cuts her off. His head is spinning as he tries making sense of everything she’s saying, of every alarming, utterly terrifying implication that comes along with it. “I-I don’t understand. Yellow Diamond wants to force… me to serve her? Even after I helped defeat her last summer?”

Amber raises an eyebrow at this, clearly skeptical. “You must still be experiencing some level of delirium. Our Diamond is infallible, a paradigm of strength and fortitude. She would not be defeated by a human, much less a human child.”

“But I did-“ he stops short, shaking his head. “Ugh, whatever. Doesn’t matter. What does matter is that she must be even crazier than I thought if she thinks I’d ever do a thing she says!” He picks himself up off the ground (albeit with some level of difficulty), standing as tall and as firm as he can to prove his point. “Tell her she can forget about her little “project”, because it’s not happening, not to me. I’m going to find a way out of here, find Mabel and Steven, and find a way back to Earth. And if she thinks she can stop me, then I’d like to see her try .”

He has Amber’s full attention now. Her gaze is largely unreadable, but there is a hint of what almost looks like worry in her eyes. Likely for her “beloved Diamond”. Dipper relishes the idea of making a Homeworld Gem fear for their Diamond’s life after how many times the Diamonds have made his family and friends fear for theirs. 

“…I see,” Amber lets out something of a weary sigh. She taps on another screen, patching a call to someone else entirely just before the screen in the cell abruptly goes black. “Commander Hessonite, your presence is requested in Holding Cell A, please.”

Amber is far from fond of her commanding officer. Not that she’d ever dare say that to Hessonite’s face. To one of her Diamond’s most trusted, decorated generals, to the Gem charged with overseeing the very project Amber was made to aid in. To a Gem that could easily have her shattered just for looking at her the wrong way.

So she keeps her head down and bites her tongue when the commander comes storming into the observation room. Hessonite is a proud Gem, one who carries herself with all of the pomp and circumstance her high rank allows her. If there’s one thing she doesn’t appreciate, it’s her valuable time being wasted; and suffice to say, she views speaking to any Gem beneath her as just about the biggest waste of time there is.

“What is it this time?” she huffs, crossing her arms. “Don’t tell me that our newest experiment is giving you trouble. I mean, just look at it.” She sneers as she turns to the surveillance feed. In his cell, Subject 6.18 has taken to shouting for attention, banging on the walls as he searches for some sort of escape. A fruitless effort, Amber knows, yet he still keeps at it anyway for whatever reason. “It’s even more pathetic than I thought it would be. Why our Diamond insists on this one when it’s so small and frail, I have no clue. But of course, if this is what she wants, then this is what she’d better get, Amber.” 

Amber does her best to press past the wave of dread this harsh reminder brings her. “Subject 6.18 is… belligerent. He insists that he will escape containment and intends to resist our Diamond at every turn. He isn’t like any of the other experiments we’ve had in the past, he’s… different. He’s-“

“ It’s human,” Hessonite interrupts. “And the only thing that makes this one any different from the others is that it’s from Earth. Of course that miserable planet would produce creatures far too stupid to give a Diamond the respect she deserves. The fact that you even bothered listening to its pitiful mewling is proof that you’re not much better.”

“A-apologies, commander.” Amber’s head sinks even lower, a shame-filled blush dusting her cheeks as she averts her commander's glaring gaze. 

Hessonite eyes the monitor again, inspecting their latest experiment for a moment before a small, cruel smile finds its way onto her face. “Still, if you want me to shut the little brat up, I’ll be more than happy to oblige….”

Dipper doesn’t know what it is about orange Gems, but just about every one he’s ever met has been outright awful. First there was Jasper, but for as much of a brute as she might’ve been, even she can’t compare to Hessonite. The commander enters his cell, not even bothering to spare a word on him before she begins beating him within an inch of his life. 

She grabs a fistful of his hair, throws him against the nearest wall, slams a foot into his ribs and a fist into his jaw, and that’s just the beginning of the onslaught. It continues, despite his weak attempts at fighting back (how is he supposed to anyway, with only one arm?), despite his demands for it to stop, despite those demands quickly turning into desperate pleas. 

Hessonite finally stills her hand when he starts begging; she finally smiles and says: “It’s a start.”

And then, she keeps going. 

He’s almost blacked out from the pain by the time he faintly hears Amber’s voice sound from the intercom. “Commander Hessonite,” she begins, an almost apprehensive edge on her tone. “I would… advise you against causing Subject 6.18 any further harm for the sake of his survival. I don’t think I need to remind you what happened to Subject 6.11…”

“No,” Hessonite practically growls. “You don’t .”

With that, the commander straightens her sparkling cape, turns on her heel, and leaves him lying there in a pool of his own blood. 

He probably does end up passing out again after that–for how long, he doesn’t know. But when he eases his way back into consciousness, his heart sinks when he notices Amber is by his side again. A part of the floor has been raised, creating something similar to a table for him to lie on as Amber hovers her hands over him. A pale orange aura halos her palms, and as her hands pass over the injuries Hessonite left him with, he feels a strange spark of warmth, followed by immense, immediate relief. 

Dipper tenses, hissing in pain when her fingers skim the bruise on his cheek. Though he tries pulling away from her touch, her other hand holds him in place by the shoulder. “Be still, Subject 6.18,” she instructs calmly. “It’s much easier for me to heal me if you don’t move.”

He winces in protest, but ultimately eases up when he feels the pain in his face swiftly fade. Once again, he finds himself reminded of Steven’s healing powers; the thought makes his chest ache in a way he knows Amber won’t be able to heal. No one will. 

“W-what’s the point of even healing me in the first place if you guys are just going to keep hurting me over and over again?” he asks softly, sullenly. 

“It is not my duty to harm you,” Amber evenly corrects him. “As our Diamond’s biological specialist, my role is to maintain your physical well being, which includes healing you when you are injured.”

“Well if that’s your job ,” Dipper retorts, fixing her with a cross glare. “Then you must be pretty bad at it since you let me get injured in the first place.”

“I can claim no responsibility for the actions of our commanding officer,” Amber shakes her head. “And I did stop her before she went too far.”

“Oh wow, thanks so much,” Dipper rolls his eyes. “I really owe you a lot for sitting by while I was beaten and only stopping it at the last possible second.” This time, he cringes when Amber tries healing a bruise on his arm. He wrenches himself out of her reach, sliding off the table as he storms over to the far side of the cell. 

“Subject 6.18,” Amber says, following him. “I am not finished healing you yet.”

“I don’t care,” he rips his stump away from her when she reaches for it. “Don’t touch me. I don’t want your ‘help’--I don’t want you near me. I don’t want any of this!”

His remaining hand curls into a tight fist at his side. God, he wishes he still had two of them–maybe if he did, he’d actually stand a chance at getting out of here. Maybe if he did, he’d look less like the helpless, pitiful child he actually is. Maybe if he did, he’d actually be able to stop the tears that just keep coming, no matter how hard he tries to stop them. 

“I only wanted to save them…” he covers his face as much as he can with a single hand as he collapses against the nearby wall. “I just…  I thought this would… How was I supposed to know this would… T-that I’d…” 

That he’d become a prisoner. 

That he’d be tortured. 

That he’d lose an arm. 

That he’d lose himself. 

“W-why is this… What did I do to…” His throat closes up as an all-too familiar sort of feeling starts overtaking him again. He doesn’t feel himself fall to his knees, doesn’t feel his hand clutching his chest, doesn’t feel his own heart pounding against his chest, doesn’t feel anything. Anything, that is, except for a sharp, searing sort of pain shooting through an arm that doesn’t even exist anymore . 

His voice still refuses to come out, replaced with gasping sobs as his chest continues constricting, denying him the air he so desperately needs. His stomach lurches, but with nothing in it, he can only dry heave, not that he hears any of it between the deafening ringing in his ears. He’s had panic attacks before; honestly, after everything that happened last summer, he should be more than used to them by now. But he’s always had someone by his side–Mabel, Steven, Stan, Ford, Lapis, Pacifica, anyone by his side to get him through it. But now–

Now all he has is a Gem who doesn’t care and never will. 

And yet… 

Slowly, her hand comes to rest on his head, her fingers gently combing through his messy hair. He doesn’t try moving away from her this time; he’s far too lost to grief to even truly try. Her warm, healing magic flows from her hand through his body, but this time it does nothing for him. He’s not surprised; how can anything heal a wound so heavy, so deep? 

How can anything heal a wound that no one can see?

Several cycles pass before there’s a surprising, sudden shift. Before their Diamond requests Subject 6.18 be brought to her chambers. Alone. 

Even Hessonite seems taken aback by this order; none of the other experiments ever had such a privilege, after all. But then they remember Subject 6.18 isn’t like any of the others. Not only is he from Earth, but their Diamond has allegedly encountered him before, likely during her visit to the doomed planet during its last rotation. Perhaps that’s why she has expressly ordered them to keep him alive at all costs, to ensure that he’s the program’s first successful candidate–

To break him from the inside out, no matter what it takes. 

So Subject 6.18 goes before their Diamond. And each time he returns, he’s worse off than the last. 

Amber doesn’t know what happens during these “sessions”. It’s not her business to know. Besides, her Diamond is free to do with her property as she wishes.

Still, it doesn’t take long for her to notice the scars. 

Her Diamond’s lightning powers are mostly meant to destabilize a Gem’s form; but when used on a human… Amber can’t help but wonder if her Diamond even knows how deadly that can be. The human body isn’t built to withstand such intense electrical charges, so Amber figures her Diamond is holding back on Subject 6.18, but not by much. Pale, splintered marks run across his skin–or at least the skin he lets her see. He still doesn’t like her touching him, doesn't want her to heal him. But she does so anyway, despite his protests. 

After all, she has a duty to perform to her Diamond. A duty to ensure he survives where all of the others haven’t.

And if she doesn’t… well, her Diamond has made it more than clear to all of them what the price of their failure will be this time. A price none of them are prepared to pay. 

Amber is harshly reminded of that price when she’s urgently summoned to her Diamond’s chambers without warning. She arrives to find an alarming scene; though her Diamond leans back in her throne, scowling, Hessonite paces on the platform before her. Amber has never seen her commanding officer this stressed, but she has every reason to be. Because lying limp and motionless on the ground… is none other than Subject 6.18.

She doesn’t dare ask her Diamond what happened; she already knows. So instead, she offers a quick salute before rushing over to the subject, pulling him into her arms. Hessonite darkly mouths “fix it” to her, while her Diamond simply watches quietly, coldly. Amber can sense the heavy burn on his back, and when she lifts his clothes, she finds the large, raw scar; the result of her Diamond going too far. Of her Diamond playing too roughly with her newest “toy”.

“His heart is still beating, but his breathing is worryingly shallow,” she reports, poising a hand to his back. “But I should still be able to…”

She trails off, concentrating all of her energy into her healing magic. As it flows through him, her thoughts are pleading with him, begging him to stir, to awaken, to live. Because if he dies, then so will the rest of them.

After what seems like ages, Subject 6.18 lets out a low moan. He draws in a weak breath as his eyes flutter open, but his gaze is unfocused, his mind muddled. Amber starts when he leans into her hold instead of ripping himself out of it like he usually does. She can only hope her Diamond doesn’t notice.

“Um… h-he’ll survive, but he needs time to recover,” she says simply, stiffly.

Her Diamond nods, waving a dismissive hand as she returns to her usual work. “Take it back to its cell,” she sighs almost tiredly. Amber nods, hoisting the subject into her arms to carry him out. He’s even lighter than she anticipated he’d be. As she leaves, she hears her Diamond mutter something to Hessonite about “needing to change her methods.”

Amber doesn’t know why that worries her as much as it does. She doesn’t know why she can’t stop staring down at the barely conscious subject child in her arms. 

She doesn’t know why she feels so guilty instead of so relieved that she’s he’s still alive.

Dipper has changed his mind. He hates Yellow Diamond far more than he could ever hate Amber or Hessonite. Far more than he ever thought he could hate anyone really. Except Bill. Maybe. 

That hatred only intensifies when he finds out from Amber that Yellow almost killed him. The last thing he remembers is another lightning bolt striking his back, and all of the agony that came along with it before everything went black. Of course, Amber brought him back; of course she did, because god forbid anyone just let this parade of torture he’s been pushed into just end already. 

That thought has become a far more common one than he’d like. It scares him, perhaps more than anything else he’s faced here thus far.

Fortunately, after that incident, Dipper is given a reprieve from Yellow’s cruelty, not that it’s much of one. Instead of being forced into her throne room, he’s left in his cell to do little else but sit there, alone with his thoughts, his emotions, his anger, his tears. He forces himself to sleep when he can on the cold hard ground, though it does little to alleviate the bags under his eyes ( even heavier than they used to be back on Earth ). Instead of anything even remotely resembling food, he’s given “nutrition supplements”, nothing more than small pills meant to keep him alive—but just barely. As a result, he’s almost always hungry, tired, weak, lonely.

Miserable.

He often closes his eyes, letting his imagination take him as far away from his loathsome, empty cell as he can get. In his head, he can hear Mabel and Connie’s laughter, see Steven and Pacifica’s smiles. In his head he can imagine them sitting on either side of him, surrounded by the safety of towering trees under the warmth of the afternoon sun. But when he opens his eyes.

They’re gone. And he’s still alone.

It isn’t long before his “sessions” with Yellow continue. While less violent than they were before, his time with her is no less abhorrent. Because now, instead of trying to tear him apart with lightning, she does it with words instead. 

And try as he might to put on a brave face, to not let those words wear him down, to keep himself standing against everything trying to drag him down… he can still feel himself starting to fall just the same.

He’s so haunted by what Yellow told him during their latest session that he doesn’t even notice himself muttering protests against it while Amber is checking over him. “I won’t shatter him, I won’t hurt him. I won’t . She can’t make me-“

“Shatter who?” Amber's sudden question startles him. “Rose Quartz?”

The mere mention of that name sets him off in a way it never has before. “How many times do I have to say it before any of you finally get it?” he snaps. “Rose Quartz is gone ! Steven is her son; he isn’t her and he shouldn’t have to be blamed for anything she might have done!”

Amber only stares at him, blankly confused. “You’re not making any sense, Subject 6.18.”

Dipper has long past his limit already, but for some reason, hearing that damn number again shoves him even further over the edge. “ Stop calling me that!” he yells, pulling his shoulder out of her hold. “I’m not just some stupid number! I have a name !”

A name that’s slowly but surely being torn away from him along with his freedom, his mind, his humanity, everything he is or has ever been-

“What is it?”

He pauses just before another sob can slip out, staring at her with wide eyes. “W-what?”

“Your name,” Amber elaborates. Her voice and expression are both as calm as ever and he wants to hate her for her composure, except… “I don’t believe you’ve told me it.”

He hesitates, eyeing her distrustfully. This is a trick, probably, and he’s fallen for too many of those here already. He doesn’t want to tell her, but honestly, anything is better than hearing “Subject 6.18” again. “I-it’s Dipper.”

“Is that what you would prefer to be called?” Amber asks. He nods, anxious and uncertain. He still doesn’t settle even when she offers him the smallest of smiles. “Very well then, Dipper.” 

It’s the first time he’s heard his own name in… god knows how long now. The last person who said it was Mabel, when she was screaming for him, when he brazenly, foolishly decided to stay behind. And now, hearing it again after such a long time… it’s far too much to bear

He slumps against the wall, unable to stop the tears he’s surprised he still has after shedding so many. He hugs his knees to his chest as much as he can with a single arm and cries . In fact, he’s more than ready to keep on crying until he literally can’t anymore—

But then-

Amber's hand rests on his head again, her warm magic slowly spreading though his body. He sniffles as he looks up at her, unsure of what to think of the almost… remorseful look on her face. “I-it’s not helping…” he tells her, his voice barely audible.

“I know,” she returns softly, sadly. “I’m sorry.”

That’s the first time in a long time he’s heard that too.

She is going to be shattered for this.

How could she be so foolish? How could she have let her guard down so easily? How could she have ever thought he wouldn’t manage to escape?

He slipped past her and the Quartzes when they came to collect him, bolting out of his cell far faster than they could have anticipated. So now, she’s running down the halls, alarms blaring, guards joining in on the chase as they try to hunt the elusive human down. She can only hope she finds him before Hessonite does, before the Peridots do, before the Quartzes do–

Before her Diamond does. 

On a whim, she decides to check a large, densely packed storage room on the far side of the complex. Almost as soon as the door slides open, she catches a glimpse of him. Subject 6.18 ( Dipper , she reminds herself) darts from his hiding spot behind one crate to another, but he trips, falling to the ground. He only stays down for the briefest of moments however, especially when he realizes he’s been caught. 

“Dipper,” Amber breathes a sigh of relief. “I’m glad I found you. Please, come with me so we can return you to your cell before-”

“Are you kidding me?” he sharply cuts her off. By now, he’s already found another crate to hide behind. Amber begins making her way through the maze of boxes to get to him. “There’s no way I am ever going back there! As soon as I find a way out of here, I’m finding Steven and Mabel, and then… I-I don’t know, we’ll steal a ship or something and finally get back home where we belong!”

Amber shakes her head. He’s stubborn, frustratingly so. He’s more than proven that to her, to everyone, from his very first cycle here. “Please, Dipper,” she implores him again. “You don’t understand. I’m just trying to help you-”

“Help me?” he scoffs, incredulous. “If you really wanted to help me, then you’d help me escape instead of helping her !”

Amber stills at this. That same sort of guilt, guilt that she’s starting to become more and more familiar with, strikes her again. But even then, it isn’t strong enough to stop what comes out of her mouth next. “You know I can’t do that…”

“No, of course not; why would you?” he retorts with a bitter, angry laugh. “After all, you’re just so loyal to ‘your Diamond’ that you can’t even think about doing the right thing for a change, right ?!”

That alone is enough to get her to stop in her tracks again. The large door sliding open just behind her and the towering shadow that envelops her is what keeps her frozen in place. “Amber,” her Diamond’s voice is stern. Amber slowly turns to face her, her arms already perched in a salute as she struggles to keep her usual calm. 

“M-My Diamond,” she nods her head in respect. Somewhere behind her, she can only imagine Dipper is terrified , but if he is, he’s keeping it under control. Keeping as silent and still as he can to avoid her detection.

“Where is Subject 6.18?” her Diamond narrows her piercing golden eyes down at her. Amber feels small, so incredibly small, standing before her illustrious creator. She’s never dared to lie to her before, she’s never had reason to before, but now… 

But now… 

“I-I… I don’t know,” she somehow manages to say. “I’ve been searching all over for him, but I haven’t found any signs of him yet. Perhaps Commander Hessonite has seen-”

Her Diamond holds up a hand to silence her. “I heard that it was negligence and incompetence on your part that allowed the subject to escape in the first place,” she says, eyeing Amber critically. “Is this true?”

Amber swallows hard, shaking her head. “I-I-”

“Because if it was your fault,” her Diamond continues. “Then perhaps I’ll need to synthesize another Amber. One that won’t fall short of her duties the way you apparently have.”

Amber freezes with fear, unlike any she’s ever felt before. She’s heard her Diamond threaten to shatter other Gems, but she’s never once been on the receiving end of those threats herself. Until now. 

It’d be so easy to turn this around. To redeem herself in her Diamond’s eyes by being the one to deliver her lost experiment back into her hands. He’s only a few feet away, cowering just out of sight. Amber knows that, just as much as she knows what she should do, but… 

“After all, you’re just so loyal to ‘your Diamond’ that you can’t even think about doing the right thing for a change, right?!”

The right thing… Is what she’s doing, is anything she’s ever done been right ?

She isn’t able to grapple with that question for long before the unthinkable happens. Her Diamond’s hand has only just started sparking when a crash sounds from the far side of the room. Amber spins around to see several boxes have inexplicably fallen over. And standing in the midst of those boxes, brazenly, unflinchingly staring up at Yellow Diamond herself is–

“Dipper…” Amber whispers as an entirely new wave of dread washes over her. 

“Subject 6.18…” her Diamond growls, storming past her. Amber can only watch, wondering why Dipper doesn’t run and hide as Yellow Diamond approaches him, why he isn’t even trying to save himself. Instead, he simply lets Yellow Diamond snatch him off the ground, pulling him up to her eye level while he continues glaring at her relentlessly. She returns that glare in full as her gloved grip on his body tightens. Amber barely suppresses a frightened gasp when she hears the sudden, sharp cry of pain that slips out of him. 

“You miserable little abomination,” Yellow Diamond practically snarls at him. “Did you really think a weak, worthless human like you could escape this? That you could escape me ?”

Dipper shouts in pain again, not that Yellow Diamond cares. Amber does though, especially realizes where that pain is coming from. “M-my Diamond-” she rasps, though her voice is far too soft and scared for her Diamond to even hear it. 

“You ought to be on your knees, thanking me for even bothering to keep a troublesome menace like you alive at all,” Yellow Diamond continues, her tone fiercening. “That’s far more than your dearest ‘friend’, Rose Quartz has done for you. You insist upon your stubborn loyalty to her and yet she has all but abandoned you here. In fact, my Sapphire recently told me that her and that other human pet of hers somehow managed to get back to Earth quite some time ago.”

Between his anguished groans, Dipper stills when he hears this news. To Amber’s bewilderment, a smile , wide and joyful slips onto his face as he lets out a tiny, breathless laugh. “T-they made it back…” he barely manages to wheeze out, beside himself with relief. “They made it home- ”

“And they left you here ,” Yellow Diamond coldly reminds him, wanting her words to sting as much as possible. “ Rose left you here. Maybe if she’d ever actually cared about you as much as you seem to think she does, she would have tried harder to take you with her.”

“S-she– he does…” Dipper chokes. He’s struggling to even breathe now, Amber can tell. It won’t be long now before he’s unconscious, or worse . “He cares… he’s… I…”

“M-My Diamond!” Amber suddenly shouts when she sees him slump over. All thoughts of her own self-preservation are forgotten when his eyes slip shut, when she realizes just how close to killing him her Diamond truly is. 

“ What ?” Yellow Diamond snaps down at her. Amber tenses up, only briefly, before she anxiously speaks her piece. 

“I just… W-well, you see, humans are… very fragile, particularly younger ones like Subject 6.18,” she begins as evenly as she can. “If too much pressure is applied to their bodies, bones can break and internal organs can be injured, which, can in turn, lead to dea–” She cuts herself off, unable to even say the word. Strange, given how she’s already seen so many humans before him meet that exact fate. But the thought of watching that happen to him… “T-to… irreversible damage. I realize Subject 6.18 can be… frustrating, but… you did advise all of us to do our part in keeping him alive, did you not, my Diamond?”

Yellow Diamond takes pause at this. It isn’t lost on Amber when her grip on Dipper loosens just the slightest bit. She narrows her eyes at the boy and the hatred of her gaze alone is loud enough to fill the silence surrounding them. But in the end, she lowers him enough to let his semi-conscious body fall out of her hand and onto the floor only a few feet away from Amber. 

“Take that thing back to its cell,” she orders, turning her back on both of them. “And do not let it escape again.”

“Y-yes, my Diamond,” Amber offers up a quick salute before she rushes to gather Dipper in her arms. She can sense a few of his ribs are broken, but other than that, the damage isn’t too severe. She can fix that, just like she’s fixed everything else. 

She dreads to think of the day when something may come along that she won’t be able to fix. 

It’s only after they’re out of the storage room that Dipper finally stirs in her arms. He lets out a weak, rattling cough as he looks up at her in what almost looks like awe. “Y-you… tried to save me…”

“I did,” Amber sighs, averting his gaze. “And then you did save me…”

“And then you saved me again ,” he laughs, or at least as much as he’s able to in his current state. “Guess that makes us even, huh?”

Now, it’s Amber’s turn to be in awe of him. To still be able to smile and joke after enduring so much suffering… he truly isn’t like any human she’s ever seen. A human so unique, so special , so ready to sacrifice so much simply to save her … 

Who would she be if she didn’t at least try to do the same?

“Yes…” she brushes a few stray hairs out of his eyes as she continues carrying him down the hall, as surprised by him as she’s ever been. “I suppose it does…”

Dipper lies awake that night wondering why . 

Why did he do that? Why did he give himself up when he was so close to finally making his escape? Why did he give himself up just to save a Gem who’s directly helping the Diamond who’s nearly killed him several times now? Why would it ever matter to him what might happen to her? Why did he care so damn much? Why does he always care too damn much? 

The truth is… he knows why. 

It’s because Amber is the only Gem he’s met on Homeworld that’s been even remotely civil to him. It’s because she's the only Gem that’s treated him like a human instead of an object or an animal or the science experiment he hates to admit he’s become. It’s because she’s the only Gem that’s bothered to talk to him, to learn his name and actually call him by it. 

It’s because she’s the only Gem who, just like him, seems to actually care. 

That care is on full display a few days later as she heals the latest cut Hessonite tore across his face. As she gently brushes his bangs aside, her hand briefly stops, hovering just above his forehead. He already knows what she’s looking at, but he still lets her ask anyway. “This mark on your forehead here,” she muses, curious. “What is it?” 

“Oh, uh… that’s just my birthmark,” he explains. He lets out something of an uncomfortable laugh as he feels her trace a finger over it. “I-it looks like this one constellation, the Big Dipper-”

“I thought that was your name,” Amber pulls back, confused. 

“It’s… just a nickname,” he admits sheepishly. When he’s with only a blank stare, he clarifies. “You know, another name you’d call someone instead of their real name?”

“So Dipper isn’t your real name,” Amber guesses, frowning. 

“No…” he rubs the back of his neck. “It’s actually… uh… Mason.” He usually isn’t one to reveal his real name so candidly, or least, he hadn’t been back on Earth. Here on Homeworld, he figures it doesn’t really matter anymore; after all, embarrassment is the last thing on his mind these days. 

“I see… You have two names,” Amber says. “In that case, would it be more accurate to call you Dipper-Mason?” 

“Uh… no,” Dipper winces.

“Mason-Dipper?” 

“You really don’t have to do that,” he shakes his head, flustered. “In fact, please don’t do that. Just Dipper is fine.”

Despite her obviously lingering confusion, Amber nods, smiling softly. “As you wish, Dipper .”

He shares her smile, but he’s only able to keep it up for a moment. It falls as he stares down at his hand resting in his lap. He doesn’t know how long it’s been–he has no real way of knowing–but he still isn’t used to the sight of just one where two used to be. “Um… thanks, by the way…” he begins quietly, earnestly. 

“For what?” Amber asks as she begins typing up her latest report. 

“For calling me that. It reminds me of home and my friends and…” he sighs, but it does little to stem the tide of approaching tears. “A-and my sister.”

“Sister…” Amber echoes, thoughtful. “I believe I’ve heard that term before. It refers to a female human who shares… um… oh, what’s the word for it…?”

“Parents?” 

“Yes, parents. A female human who shares parents with another human. So, you have one of these ‘sisters’ back on Earth?”

“Yeah, a twin, actually,” Dipper says with a small, fond smile. “Her name is Mabel. She can be… kind of a lot to handle some times, but in a good way. She’s really creative, a ton of fun, really loud and over the top and she drives me crazy sometimes, and… I-I miss her, more than anything.”

“...Even more than Rose?” Amber asks. And the second she does, the tears only starting to streak down Dipper’s face turn much more bitter. 

“I’ve already told you,” he mutters as he wipes a few of them away. “I never even knew Rose. The one Yellow keeps talking about is her son, Steven. B-but yeah…” His hand absently drifts over his heart as his face turns just a touch warmer. “I really miss him too.”

“Hm,” Amber closes her eyes, pondering this. “But our Diamond said she– he left you behind.”

“He didn’t!” Dipper readily argues. “I stayed behind so Steven and Mabel could get away. And… I know this might sound crazy, but… if I’d do it all again if I had to. Anything to keep either of them from ever having to go through…” he hesitates as he glances over at his stump. “Through this…”

“Why?” Amber asks, struggling to understand.

“Well… ‘cause I love them,” Dipper smiles again. Even still, that smile carries a sort of sadness he can’t shake. Sadness that always comes along with the very real thought that he might never see either of them again. 

“Is there anyone else on Earth that you love?” Amber asks. And that simple question alone takes Dipper about as far away from his tiny cell, as far away from Homeworld, as he can possibly get. 

“Of course!” he lets out a small, warm laugh. “There’s Grunkle Stan and Great Uncle Ford, Garnet, Amethyst, Pearl, Connie, Lapis, Peridot, Pacifica…” He sighs wistfully, shaking his head. “I can’t imagine what any of them must be feeling about this. If I were them, I’d think I was stupid for staying behind or that I…” He trails off, unable to stomach the idea that his friends, his family, his sister might very well believe he’s dead. They have every reason to; he’s honestly very surprised he’s still alive himself at this point. 

“I’m not sure how much consolation this is,” Amber skims a gentle hand against his shoulder. “But… if you make it to the end of the program, then there is a strong chance you will get to see them again.”

“...I know,” he mutters. His hand curls into a tight, almost shaking fist as it rests in his lap. “I’ll see them again…” he says, and how he wishes he could find some kind of comfort, some measure of joy in that fact. Except… “But I won’t be myself anymore when I do…”

Throughout her relatively short existence, Amber has always been a rather curious Gem. Not that her curiosity is much appreciated among the likes of Hessonite or her Diamond. So before, she usually kept her questions to herself, kept as quiet and out of the way as she could. But now… now she has access to not just a human, but a human from Earth . A human who has so much more to say, so many more thoughts and feelings, so much more history than any of the humans she dealt with from the zoo. A human with actual stories to tell, and now that he’s actually willing to tell them, Amber is more than eager to listen. 

Dipper tells her of a place on Earth called “Gravity Falls”, filled with such strange and impossible creatures and facets. He tells her of the final few survivors of the Crystal Gems, a group she’d always believed to be traitorous villains, now framed as kindhearted heroes. He tells her about his friends and family, and about the adventures and escapades they’ve shared across two summers. And with each new story he tells her, Amber finds herself more and more impressed with this small, seemingly frail human child, who can wield a sword, who can uncover age-old mysteries, who can face off against such terrors as a “dream demon” and somehow survive. 

Then again, maybe she shouldn’t be so surprised. He’s managed to survive this long in the program, after all. Unlike so many of the much older, much stronger humans who came before him. 

“Dipper,” she decides to propose a question that’s been on her mind lately. She’s in the middle of combing out his matted hair, something he insisted he can do for himself, though he ultimately gave up and let her take over when it proved to be too much of a challenge for his single hand. “How many Earth rotations have you lived through?”

“Uh, are you asking how old I am?” he asks, frowning. “I’m 13 years old.”

“Ah, so my hunch was correct. You are very young. Yet even still,” she finishes with his hair, grinning wryly as she steps to stand in front of him. “You are, in fact, older than me.”

“Wait, what?” Dipper blinks, bewildered. “But… every Gem I’ve ever met has been like… thousands of years old. So… how are you, you know…?”

“I was created synthesized within the last Earth rotation–er, year . For the express purpose of aiding in my Diamond’s Human Bioweapon Operation.”

“So you’re literally less than a year old?” 

Amber nods, though she can’t help but be a bit confused when Dipper lets out a small laugh. “What’s so funny?”

“Sorry, it’s just…” he chuckles again. “I never would've guessed that. But at the same time, I also don’t really get it. Why did our–er, uh… Yellow have to make an entirely new Amber, just for this? Aren’t there any others around she could have used?”

Amber sighs, looking down. “Not anymore,” she turns away from him, loosely hugging herself. “Ambers were originally created on Earth, by Pink Diamond, to serve as biological specialists in her newly-constructed human zoo. The problem was… none of them ever even made it there. The entire cut was recruited by Rose Quartz, turned against their Diamond to fight alongside the Crystal Gems. And, when the planet was eventually lost… so too, was every last Amber in existence.”

“...They were corrupted,” Dipper softly concludes. Amber doesn’t get a chance to ask what he might mean by that before he continues. “But… they still helped save the Earth! They helped save everything and everyone in it! They weren’t traitors; they were heroes .”

Amber shakes her head dismissively. “Their mass betrayal led to less Gems standing on Pink Diamond’s side, which in turn, led to her demise. They made the wrong choice-”

“They made the right choice, just like you could do if you’d do anything to actually help me instead of just pretending to like you are!” he snaps in sudden fury. Or perhaps, not so sudden as much as it's buried just beneath the surface for so long instead. 

Amber turns to face him again, her eyes wide and filled with remorse she can’t make any effort to hide. Not when she knows he’s right . “Dipper, I already told you, I can’t- ”

“Yes, you can !” Dipper argues, standing. He starts storming over to her, raw anger written all over his features. “You could help me escape–heck, we could even escape together ! You could go back to Earth with me and get away from all of this! You could do so much good there, you could help so many people instead of helping our Di– Y-Yellow hurt people! So please,” his voice tightens with an oncoming sob as he stops right in front of her. His sharp rage swiftly melts away into soft, pleading despair as he looks up at her as if she’s the only hope he has left. 

Mostly because she is . 

“ Please , Amber,” he begs her quietly, desperately. “You have to help me. You’re the only one who can .”

She wishes she could tell him yes–stars above, she wishes she could. The word is just about on her lips too… until fear steals it away from her. Fear of her Diamond, fear of her wrath, fear of her very short existence coming to a painful, sudden end. And in the end, it’s that fear that drives her, just like it always has, to take a step away from the one who needs her most. 

“I’m sorry…” she whispers, ashamed. Far more ashamed than she’s ever felt in her entire life. “But you know why I can’t…”

“Yeah,” Dipper straightens his posture, his anger returning as he wipes his emerging tears away. “I do know why.” He turns and walks away from her, but not before plainly stating what they’ve both known all along. “It’s because you’re a coward .”

A coward, just as she’s always been. Just as she’ll always be.

Dipper wakes up the next day screaming . 

He’s had his fair share of nightmares during his time here on Homeworld (mostly involving the loss of his arm). But this was the first time he’s shown up in any of them. The first time in a long time he’s shown up in any of his dreams at all. He thought he’d overcome his fear the second he watched that demon meet his demise last summer. Even his return hadn’t seemed that intimidating once they discovered most of his power had been stripped away from him. But now… after what he just witnessed within his dreams, after everything he’d heard, every awful reality he’d been forced to face, Dipper knows–

Bill Cipher is just as twistedly terrifying as he’s always been. 

He’s still in so much of a panic immediately after waking up that he even realizes Amber has rushed into his cell and is at his side until he nearly punches her away from him. “Dipper,” he only barely hears her say. “Dipper, what’s wrong? Are you hurt?”

He can’t answer her, even if he wanted to. Instead, all he can focus on is the lingering remnants of his nightmare: on the feeling of his own arm being ripped from his body, on the image of his friends and family, either shattered to pieces or lying bloody and motionless on the ground, on the faceless, menacing silhouette standing over them that looked so much like him , of Bill’s sickening, sadistic laughter, on his Diamond Yellow Diamond’s voice raised in a song he can’t get out of his head no matter how hard he tries-

“Dipper,” Amber grabs him by the shoulders, somehow managing to ground him back in the present. Any trance of anger he still feels toward her fizzles out as he lets himself fall forward, burying his face into her shoulder as he lets out another muffled scream. She slowly rests a hand on his back, less for the sake of returning his hug and more for the sake of trying to heal him. As if anything could even come close after what he just woke up from. 

After what feels like ages, he finally manages to reclaim the power of speech just long enough to vacantly mutter: “Something’s wrong…”

Amber asks him what that something is. But he can’t even begin to explain it when he doesn’t even know himself. 

Just when he doesn’t think things could get much worse, he’s dragged off to his Dia–Yellow Diamond later. Strangely though, he doesn’t remember much of what happens after that until he somehow finds himself back in his cell again. The only thing that really seems to stick with him is–

That song… 

It’s a wordless, eerie melody, one that echoes inside his mind almost constantly. He hears it again the next time Bill invades his dreams, bringing his Diamond - Yellow Diamond’s haunting voice along with him. He hears it in the waking world each time he’s brought before her. He hears it when he finds himself absently humming it even though he desperately doesn’t want to. 

And the second he hears it, every time he hears it… it’s as if he ceases to exist. 

He tries explaining it to Amber, but he struggles to get the words out. He struggles to get many words out in general and he doesn’t know why . It’s as if he isn’t fully there, like he’s lost in a thick fog he can’t seem to fully escape from no matter how he tries. Something is indeed very wrong here. Something is happening to him, something bad , something he doesn’t even understand, much less known how to stop. 

But that doesn’t mean he can’t try . 

True, he might not be able to keep himself out of his Diamond’s ( Yellow Diamond, Yellow Diamond , god, what’s happening to him ? ) range, but he can keep himself out of Bill’s. After all, it’s not like the sleep he’s been getting here has been very sound to begin with, so why even bother with it at all? Especially if it can keep that damn demon from helping his Diamond – her tear his mind apart at the seams? 

So he stops sleeping, or at least he tries to. Unfortunately, it doesn’t take long for his wicked warden to notice. 

Hessonite enters his cell one day, when Amber is in the middle of tending to him. She doesn’t even regard him as she leans in to whisper something to Amber, pressing a syringe into her hand as she nods over at him coldly. With that, she leaves them, not that Dipper finds much relief in her departure. Especially as he keeps his focus on the needle Amber is holding. 

“W-what is that?” he asks. His voice is softer these days, smaller. He hates that, just as much as he hates pretty much everything else that’s been happening to him lately. Just as much as he hates how he has not an ounce of control over any of it. 

“...You haven’t been sleeping,” Amber notes, frowning down at the syringe. “I’ve noticed, as have Commander Hessonite and our Diamond. Dipper, you know that isn’t healthy. Young humans require at least 8 hours of-”

“No,” he pulls back from her, guarding himself as much as he’s able to. It doesn’t take him long to deduce what’s in that syringe and what it’ll do to him if Amber administers it. “I’m not sleeping. I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“B-because if I do then he’ll show up!”

“Who?”

Dipper shudders, not even wanting to speak the name of his longtime tormentor. But he does anyway, his voice only barely audible as he chokes out: “B-Bill.”

“...That demon you told me about?” Amber raises an eyebrow. “But… how-”

“Amber,” Hessonite’s voice sounds over the cell’s intercom. “Are you going to follow your orders or will I have to come back in there and administer that sedating serum myself?”

“N-no!” Amber answers anxiously. “There’s no need for that. I-I’ll get right to it, commander. Apologies for the delay.”

By now, Dipper has backed himself against the wall, paling at the sight of the needle as Amber slowly approaches him. “P-please,” he pleads quietly, tearfully. “Please, Amber, don’t do this.”

“Dipper…” Amber sighs. The way she looks at him, like he’s so utterly pitiful, like he’s a wounded animal she has no choice but to put him out of his misery… it makes him sick. It’s enough to make him wish she’d just give him scornful, disgusted glares every other Gem he’s met has instead of whatever false kind of pity she pretends to give him. 

“I-I can’t let them–t-they’re doing something to my mind every time I sleep!” he panics, pressing his hand against the side of his head. It aches almost constantly now, sometimes to the point that he can barely even stand it. He can barely stand anything anymore. “It’s–I don’t even know what it is, but I feel like I’m losing… something ! They’re taking something away from me–something important –a-and you can’t just let that happen, please !”

“...I’m sorry,” she grabs his arm to stop him from escaping her. He wants to think the pain, the guilt in her eyes is real. But when he feels the tip of the needle slide into his neck, he can’t help but hate her every bit as much as he did right from the very start. “Believe me, Dipper, I’m so, so sorry…”

“N-no,” he shoves her away from him right as she finishes pumping that awful sedating serum into him. As she dooms him to another round of nightmares and torture and losing himself. As once again she helps his enemies drag him even deeper down than they already have instead of helping him like he still foolishly, stupidly hoped she would. “You’re not .”

He doesn’t stay standing for much longer after that. He slumps against the wall, the serum partnering with his already pressing exhaustion to take him quickly. The last thing he sees before he’s plunged into another nightmare is a single tear streaming down Amber’s cheek. 

It means nothing to him.

Amber discovers the truth far too late to do anything about it. 

She overhears a conversation she shouldn’t have, between Hessonite and their Diamond. A conversation about how the conditioning is finally working, how it won’t be long now before Subject 6.18 is at last standing among their ranks. How her Diamond is getting an extra hand from an outside party in making it all happen. 

And, based on everything she’s been hearing from Dipper these past few cycles, it doesn’t take long for Amber to put two and two together to figure out exactly who that “outside party” is. 

When she relays that information to Dipper, he isn’t surprised in the slightest. According to him, this “Bill Cipher” character has worked with their Diamond in the past. But to know for a fact that they’re collaborating again, specifically to tear him down and take some kind of control over him… Amber can see the effect that knowledge has on Dipper all too well. 

He’s long since stopped begging for her help, hasn’t even mentioned trying to escape again in quite some time. In fact, he doesn’t speak much at all anymore, in no small part because he spends so much of his time in a distant, nearly trancelike state. With each passing cycle, she notices his once sharp, intensely focused eyes turn more and more dull and downcast. She notices his voice continues to soften, his sentences becoming shorter and more simple. And most of all-

She notices as he slowly starts to give up. 

He’s only just broken out of his latest trance as he lies on the floor of his cell. Amber is never far to offer what small comfort she can provide, and she allows him to rest his head on her lap as he sheds his silent, despondent tears. He isn’t dying–she’d be able to tell if he was. She’s watched enough of his kind slowly fade out of life to know. But instead, she’s forced to watch him fade in a different way entirely. She has no doubt that he’ll survive the program at this point; he’s made it much further than any of the other candidates ever had. But even if he does survive… he won’t ever be the same. Even if he does survive, he won’t win. 

Even if he does survive, he’ll still die. 

And the truth is, as much as Amber wants to help him, at this point, she’s not so sure she even could. She’s not sure anyone or anything could stop what their Diamond has set in motion now. It’d take a miracle, not only to liberate him, but to undo even half of the damage that’s been done to his mind. Their Diamond and that demon have dug their poisonous roots so far deep within him that next to nothing could ever come close to freeing him from them. Next to nothing could ever heal him, save him in the way Amber knows he deserves to be. 

And yet, even now, as she watches his once-bright flame begin to die out, she can’t help but strive to offer him some kind of healing all the same. 

“Dipper,” she begins, gently thumbing a few of his tears away. His eyes shift up to look at her, and the look of haunted exhaustion in them, the hint of disconcerting yellow where only brown should be , shakes Amber to her very core. “I’m not sure how much this may mean to you but, I… I owe you an apology. I have failed you, in every way there is. I’ve failed to heal you, to protect you, to even simply just help you. You were right before… I truly am a coward. And in the end, the only one who’s paying the price for that cowardice… is you.”

He doesn’t respond, and she doesn’t expect him to. Honestly, the fact that he’s even been able to focus his gaze on her for this long at all is a feat in and of itself. She takes in a deep breath as she brushes his hair out of his eyes and continues. “Perhaps that’s why I feel so compelled to do something for you,” she says morosely, guiltily. “I’m just… not quite sure what.” She closes her eyes for a moment, thinking. In the end, however, she continues drawing a blank. 

At least until Dipper offers the answer she’s been looking for. 

“I-I want… I want to talk to them,” he curls in a bit on himself, almost as if he’s struggling to get the words out. To admit that he’ll likely never get to be with any of them face-to-face as himself again. “My friends, my family… A-all of them. O-one last time. I… I want to tell them just how much I love them. And… I want to say goodbye while I still can.”

“Hm…” Amber ponders this request, quickly coming up with a plan to go along with it. The communication bay just a short walk down the hall should work perfectly; as for how she’ll actually get the message to them… she’ll cross that bridge when she gets to it. Still, she manages a small, warm smile as she slowly eases him into sitting up. 

“I believe,” she says with far more confidence, with far more hope than she’s felt in ages. “That’s finally something I can help you with.”

He loses himself far faster than he’d hoped he would. 

It happens during his most recent nightmare, when Bill challenges him with a simple question. A question that finally breaks him, that finally plunges him past the point of no return. That finally lets that mysterious shadow lingering on the fringes of his mind fully start to rip control away from him: 

“You really think you can hold out for that much longer, Pine Tree? Gimme a break! You lost the second you decided to stay here to save Rosebud and Shooting Star’s skins instead of your own. Guess it’s true what they say about how no good deed goes unpunished, ‘cause yours sure as hell isn’t!” 

“Y-you’re wrong! I’m not going to stop fighting your or my– her ! I’ll never stop fighting! There’s nothing either of you can do, nothing either of you can take from me that’ll-”

“HA! How STUPID can you be, kid!? Do you have any idea just how much I’ve wiped clean out of your mind already? Yellow asked for a clean slate, so that’s exactly what I’m giving her. You may not realize it yet, Pine Tree, but there’s so little left of you in here by now that you’re basically only hanging on by a thread. And well, between you and me, I doubt it’ll take all too much to BREAK that thread once and for all.”

“B-but that’s… N-no. No, you’re lying! I’m still here, I’m still in-”

“Don’t believe me? Alrighty then! Why don’t we have ourselves a fun little pop quiz to prove it? Care to tell me the title of the last book you read back on Earth, Pine Tree?”

“Um… W-well… it was… Uh…” 

“Oh! Or how about you fill me in on all the juicy details about the first time you and Rosebud fused last summer, huh?”

“The first time we… huh?” 

“Or better yet, tell me about your first day of… oh, let’s go with 4th grade. How’s about it, kid? Any memories of that?”

“I… I-I don’t… I can’t-”

“OR take a shot at telling me about your mom–or your dad, I’m not picky! Anything ringing a bell about either of those two?”

“I… W-what are you-”

“How about your uncles? Your friends? Your girlfriend ? Remember any of their names off the top of your head?” 

“S-stop-”

“What about your sister? Oh, wait, do you even have a sister at all, Pine Tree? I’m sure you’d remember if you did, wouldn’t you?”

“S-stop!” 

“Last question, and this one’s for all the money! Here it is! What’s your name ?”

“M-my name is-”

“It’s-”

“I’m…” 

…

“I DON’T KNOW!” 

He doesn’t even know his own name . He doesn’t know anything anymore. At least, not anything other than what his Diamond wants him to know. 

And what his Diamond wants him to know… is that he belongs to her . 

“Dipper,” Amber says to him, but he doesn’t understand why. She tells him that’s his name, but that can’t be right. His Diamond only calls him Subject 6.18. So certainly, that’s who he is… right?

“No,” Amber sets him down, her hands planted firmly on his shoulders. She speaks quietly, yet urgently as she tries to remind him of everything he’s apparently lost. “Please, you need to listen to me. Your name is Dipper. You’re a human, you’re 13 years old, and you’re from Earth. You have a twin sister named Mabel and your best friend’s name is Steven. You are not a member of Yellow Diamond’s court. Now,” her grip on his shoulders tightens. “Repeat that back to me.”

He nods, confused, but he does as he’s told, just as he’s been made to do. “My name is Dipper.” ( But it isn’t, it can’t be, he doesn’t have a name unless his Diamond decides he does. ) “I’m a human.” ( He’s not, he’s a Gem, his Diamond told him so. ) “I’m 13 years old and I’m from Earth. ( He isn’t, he was made right here on Homeworld. ) “I have a twin sister named Mabel and my best friend’s name is Steven.” ( He doesn’t know what any of that means or who those people are. ) “I am a member of my Diamond’s court,” he asserts rigidly, to set Amber straight. To remind her of both her place and of his. 

Amber pulls away from him, shaking her head. “No,” her eyes shine with oncoming tears. He doesn’t understand where they could be coming from, he doesn’t know why she’s so sad . “No, that’s… you’re… Oh, stars, no, this is happening much too soon, you can’t… You can’t… ” She trails off into a sorrowful cry, slowly slipping to her knees. He simply stands there, expressionless, emotionless as he watches the Gem lose herself to her own grief. 

And where he might have once made an effort to comfort her before, this time, he does nothing. He holds fast, standing still and silent as he awaits his next orders. 

Just as any good soldier should.

She has to do something. 

She has to do something . 

She knows she should have done something a long time ago. She knows that it’s already far too late, that he’s already too far gone. But she doesn’t care . As long as there’s still even a trace of him left, as long as there’s even a chance that she can bring him back to the way he does, she has to try . 

She has to get him back to Earth, back to his friends, his family, himself . She has to, no matter what it might take, no matter what it might cost. 

So she races to devise a plan, to identify a ship that won’t be noticed if it goes missing, to figure out exactly when the right moment to smuggle him out might be. She’ll go with him, of least she’ll try to. Because if it comes down to either both of them getting away or one of them… then she’ll do anything in her power to make sure that one of them is him. At the very least, if she’s shattered, she’ll be shattered saving someone so incredibly worth it. 

At least if she’s shattered, she’ll be shattered knowing she’s finally done the right thing . 

She realizes she’s almost out of time to act when she starts seeing him less and less. His sessions with Yellow become much longer, sometimes spanning entire cycles. Each time he returns from them, he doesn’t speak a word to her, barely even regards her presence at all outside of silent, stoic glances. She’s asked to only stand by, just as a precaution, when he’s finally outfitted with his biomechanical prosthetic arm. The procedure goes well enough, but all the while, Amber can’t help but think about how much Dipper would hate that foreign, garish yellow thing now permanently attached to his body. He’d hate it… if only he were allowed to feel anything at all anymore. 

As worrying as all that is, Amber is grateful for the extra time she has on her hands. It gives her a chance to fully iron out the details of her plan. She wisely decides not to tell him about it; she has no idea whether he’d let something like that slip to Yellow or Hessonite in his current state and she doesn’t want to risk it. 

She’s just about ready to put her plan into action when she’s suddenly summoned to Yellow’s chambers again. She rushes there, fearing something’s gone unexpectedly wrong. She half expects to arrive to find Dipper’s body lying cold and dead on the ground before their Diamond. 

What she finds instead… is almost just as bad. 

Yellow Diamond is smiling down at the much smaller, dark cloaked figure standing on her palm. She issues them quiet, yet stern instructions as Hessonite stands by, wearing a smug grin of her own. That smirk doesn’t go away as Amber steps in to stand alongside her. “About time you arrived,” she says, as condescending as ever. “You’ll be happy to know that Subject 6.18 has been deemed a complete success. Or rather, I should call it by the new name our Diamond has bestowed upon it-”

Yellow lowers the cloaked figure down so they can stand on the ground. Amber already has a hunch about whose face is hiding under that hood, and sure enough, he lowers it to reveal-

“Agent Stonemason.”

“A-agent… Stonemason…” Amber echoes in a whisper, her eyes wide with shock. Because the boy standing before her… isn’t Dipper. Not anymore. This boy, this thing is donned in a set of sharp, golden armor, a brown cloak draped over his shoulders, hiding his natural arm from sight to highlight the false, mechanical yellow one that had been forced upon him. Electrical lines run up from that arm, connected directly to his nerves as they illuminate sharp angles across the left half of his face. That same shade of haunting yellow has taken over his formerly warm brown eyes, now set in an icy, hardened glare that looks so out of place on the face she thought she knew. 

Agent Stonemason… Stars above, how dare they call him that. How dare they use the name he adamantly didn’t want to be called against him like this. How dare they twist and take away every last ounce of humanity he had left and turn him into this cold, obedient, unfeeling machine . 

And how dare she let this happen to him in the first place.

“Agent Stonemason will be dispatched to Earth within the next cycle to eliminate the rebel Rose Quartz,” Yellow Diamond says, like it’s nothing. Like she hasn’t just ordered Dipper to eliminate Steven , the very one he gave himself up to try to save. “Before he leaves, Amber, I would like you to conduct one final check on his physical well being. I will not settle for him being in anything less than peak form if he is to represent his Diamond off-planet.”

Amber struggles to speak, ashamed to even look up at the Diamond responsible for all of this, the Diamond she so foolishly served for so long without question. Yet even still, even now, her fear of what that Diamond could do to her, to Dipper , overrides any notions of now-useless rebellion she may have had. “Y-yes, of course, My Diamond,” she nods, stepping over to Dipper - Stonemason . As she begins her check, Yellow and Hessonite strike up a conversation she couldn’t care less about. Still, she’s thankful for the distraction as she leans in to whisper to him as carefully as she can. 

“D-Dipper,” she says, but he doesn’t so much as flinch at the name- his own name . “I… I’m so very sorry… I thought I–you had more time… I tried to… I had a plan to-”

“Are you speaking to me?” Stonemason glances back at her. His near-constant scowl takes on the slightest hint of disgusted disdain. “I don’t believe that’s what our Diamond instructed you to do, is it, Amber?”

Amber flinches, barely holding back tears. She’s too late, she’s too late . She knew that from the very start, but to hear him speak like this to her, as if she’s beneath him, as if she’s never meant anything to him… it all but confirms every last one of her greatest fears. The fear that nothing can be done to help him now. 

The fear that the Dipper she knew and came to care so deeply about… is truly gone without a trace. 

“N-no… it wasn’t,” she forces her gaze away from him, unable to even look at him a second longer. “Forgive me.” “For everything,” she silently adds, knowing she’s done nothing to deserve such forgiveness. 

Once her final check comes to an end, she’s finally dismissed. Hessonite escorts her out, leaving Stonemason and his Diamond alone. Amber glances over her shoulder before the door closes behind them, catching one final, fleeting glance of him, the last she’ll probably ever see. 

He doesn’t look back at her in return. And strangely, above everything else, that’s what hurts most of all. 

“Isn’t it wonderful when everything turns out the way it should, Amber?” Hessonite asks when they return to the now-empty containment cell. Amber hates her for the satisfied smile on her face, perhaps more than she’s ever hated her for anything else. How can she be so happy over what they just did, over the life they just destroyed? “You know, if Agent Stonemason’s inaugural mission is a success, our Diamond hopes to continue the Human Bioweapon Operation, which means you’ll have even more Earth subjects coming your way. From what I’ve heard, our former Subject 6.18 knew plenty of worthwhile candidates.”

Amber can scarcely believe what she’s hearing. It’s the very thing Dipper had feared most, the thought that any of his loved ones could possibly go through any of what he did. A thought that, if Yellow and Hessonite have their way, may become an awful reality. 

“Oh, that reminds me,” Hessonite pulls out a bundle of tattered clothing. Amber recognizes them immediately as her commander tosses them into her arms. “Agent Stonemason no longer has any need for these ratty rags. So, I leave it to you to dispose of them. I never want to see them again.”

“...Yes, commander,” Amber whispers as she gently thumbs the edge of Dipper’s jacket. He’d so closely clung onto his clothing, one of the final few things from Earth, from home he still had left. And now… now he doesn’t even have that. 

With that, Hessonite takes her leave. The second the door slides shut behind her, Amber falls to her knees, hugging the clothes tight to her chest. With no one around to see them, her tears fall unfettered, mournful sobs wracking her frame as her grief overwhelms her. “I’m sorry…” she mutters, knowing he can’t hear her. And even if he could, it wouldn’t matter. Nothing does anymore. 

“I’m sorry…” she whimpers again. The thought dawns on her that he’s finally going home after all; except it’s in the last way he ever would have wanted to. All she can do now is hope that his loved ones will get his final message. All she can do now is hope they can accomplish what she was too weak and too afraid to. 

All she can do now is hope they can save him where she couldn’t. 

“I’m sorry…” she says one final time. She’s so incredibly sorry for so much that she can scarcely even begin to list it all. For being complicit, for being afraid, for failing to save him, to help him, to simply just do the right thing . 

Because in the end, though she had been made to heal him… Amber knows–

She’s the one who hurt him most of all.