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Dear Rarity,
I must admit, never in a million years would I have expected a letter from you to arrive in my mailbox. Much less of this variety. How long has it been? Too long. Truthfully that day, our fall out never sat right with me. You’ve always known that my pride is notorious for holding me back, especially in situations like these. Thank you for writing to me Rares.
Of course, I remember our first meeting. You were my first crush after all. My first love. It was a bit hard to comprehend that maybe I didn’t have a “boy crazy” phase in elementary school because simply enough, I didn’t like boys. Seeing you in that busy, claustrophobic auditorium, already overwhelmed with the noise pollution and information overload made it feel like everything stopped for a second. Like the sensation I would get when I was younger and alone in the orchard watching the sunset. At that moment I understood. Maybe the reason I didn’t like boys was because I liked girls. Or maybe I liked you. Of course, at the time I wasn’t aware of the possibility of unrequited feelings, or what was to come. All I could think at that moment was that I wanted to be someone to you, even if it was just a confidant who you could rant to about the ever-so-constant boy troubles you would have.
To answer your question, I did end up going to business school- or some semblance of it. Of course, I had a job, and responsibilities, on the line the moment I graduated, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t take classes online. As of now, I just need two more credits to get my diploma. Of course, it’s taken me longer than the average degree, but at least I’m pursuing my goals. Speaking of which, I was aware you went off to your fancy fashion school, I saw it in the yearbook under your information section when we graduated. I don’t mean that with any hostility of course. Even if we weren’t on speaking terms at the time I was still proud of you. I never once considered you “ignorant” or even “selfish”, of course I was hurt but, I knew you were probably going through some personal issues. That’s what I’ve been telling myself for the past years at least.
Quite honestly, I believe that thinking about how things could be different if such and such happened or didn’t happen is not the best line of thinking. Life happens, maybe things would have worked out or maybe they wouldn’t have. All I know is that it’s the present that matters. The present is where we are talking again and healing old wounds.
I’m thankful for your apology Rares. You don’t know how much I appreciate it. Teenager Applejack would be happy to hear that we are communicating again. Without sounding harsh, it pains me to say this, but you have to move on. While it hurt us both, that’s just the way things go. I doubt much would have changed if you were just now realizing your feelings. Again, I don’t mean this with any animosity, I just want what's best for my old friend, and that means looking into the future instead of the past.
I had already accepted that you would never reciprocate my feelings for you in our senior year. Why do you think I slowly started hanging out with other people? I was trying to defend myself from what I knew would only be a world of hurt. I knew you were jealous of my prom date, the truth is, I kind of felt a short-lived sense of entitlement because of it. But at the end of the day you had an internal battle you had to fight, and no amount of me, Applejack, would be able to help you. It was up to the Rarity I knew. The strong, confident, pure-hearted Rarity.
I forgive you, or more exactly, I forgave you the moment I heard you crying in the washroom that night. I knew you needed time alone. No matter how long it would take I would always be there as a pair of ears to listen, and here I am, keeping my promise. I couldn’t go the rest of my life waiting for you, there was always the possibility you would never look for me. It would just be a perverted form of self-harm to spend my whole life waiting for my first love to change her mind.
Since then I met other people, dated a few and finally settled down with my fiance. I’m sorry if this is not what you wanted to hear. Just know that I will always be cheering you on as a lifelong friend. I know that someone as generous and smart as you will find someone when the time is right. Whether it be a fashion magazine editor in chief or farmhand, I will always be proud of you.
Thank you for writing and thank you for teaching me about love at a time when I didn’t understand what it meant.
Take Care,
Apple Jack