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For people immersed in immense darkness like Dazai, days were years.
By the age of fifteen he had a considerable body count, much more than other assassins.
The boy didn't get along with anyone. The only people he talked to were Mori, Hirotsu, and maybe the strange child.
And of the three, Hirotsu was the most bearable and pleasant to be around.
Therefore, Dazai Osamu thought every day whether joining the Port Mafia had really been worth it.
Why was he still alive anyway?
Ah, yes, because a creature decided to make him live.
Said creature named Nakahara Chuuya.
And speaking of him… Dazai hadn't seen Chuuya in weeks. The last time they saw each other was when the two went to the arcade as a result of a bet.
Other than that, he had never seen him again. The boy had disappeared beneath Kouyou's protective wings.
The woman had dressed him in ridiculous clothes and an equally ridiculous hat.
Dazai remembered the ridiculous appearance, even more ridiculous than his Sheep clothes.
Ew.
He knew that the boy had finished his basic training with Kouyou and would now be with a group of strangers.
The flags.
Dazai didn't like them, like he didn't like half the people.
He just didn't care about them. Simple as that.
But Dazai's days were filled with solitude, and admittedly, he missed the boy.
He felt too isolated from the world, as if he were a patch on a long cloth of another color.
It had no place there.
But with Chuuya, Dazai felt he could leave behind his unattainable facade. And because of that, he missed the outings they had.
He was so alone that he'd the feeling that seeing him again would make him want to live again.
The dark, cold and pungent life would be bright and soft.
...
Dazai was surprised by the unexpected turn his thoughts had taken.
What nonsense.
If there was any reason for Dazai to want to see him, it was to annoy him.
Yes, that's all.
And it wasn't necessarily Chuuya - anyone could do.
Unless they were so annoying that Dazai was forced to ignore them.
...
So all he had left was... Chuuya.
Sitting in the office chair, Dazai groaned in disgust.
It wasn't that he didn't know where Chuuya had gone - he knew everything about Chuuya.
But, going to him would... imply that Dazai wanted to see Chuuya. And that, he didn't want to be known.
So, he simply smiled sweetly at Kouyou until she gave him the address—which he already knew, and went to the bar.
He did it in a way that didn't seem that he intended to find Chuuya there.
Dazai also knew Chuuya's schedule by heart, so he knew exactly when he would show up.
A long, shiny car stopped in front of the bar.
From there came the small, rebellious boy, wearing baggy, ridiculous clothes.
Disheveled hair and an annoyed expression.
“Thanks.” the familiar voice echoed. It sounded like a distant melody that Dazai had long forgotten.
The car door closed, causing Dazai to wake up from his reverie. His gaze, which had been absently fixed on the ground, rose.
And.
Wait. Wait.
Wait-
Where… where are the ridiculous, long clothes?
And the disheveled hair?
And… and the angry face?
Why did Nakahara Chuuya, in front of Dazai, seem… different?
He looked away, feeling something strange, making the existence of feelings known.
“Perhaps it's not him…” he muttered almost unconsciously.
“Chuuyaaa!”
Dazai breathed out and prepared to turn on his heels. He needed to get out of there as quickly as possible.
Now.
"Oi!"
Chuuya's voice made Dazai freeze, his back already turned. He swallowed hard.
Light, elegant footsteps echoed, along with a noise that seemed to come from his pants pocket.
Oh...
He sighed, gaining, gathering strength
No, no, no, no.
Dazai wouldn't run away from the guy he called his dog.
It's Chuuya, it's okay it's okayitsokayitsokayitsokay-
"Oi. Dazai." Chuuya had snapped his gloved fingers in front of his face.
Perfume. Dazai could smell the scent of Chuuya's clothes.
Could it really be Chuuya?
Maybe it's another person-
"What are you doing here?" he asked, hands in his pockets, posture... elegant, and eyes that seemed more fascinating than before "Dazai?"
And Dazai wanted to talk, he really did. But he couldn't even make eye contact with Chuuya.
In the first ten seconds, he felt the need to run away.
But... he didn't. He just... diverged his gaze.
Chuuya's eyes narrowed and oh. Dazai noticed he had a ponytail and longer hair and-
Dazai put on the blankest face he could, even though his heart was beating at a crazy pace and his hands were warm.
"Chuuya." he said "Chuuya hasn't grown an inch"
The other lowered his eyebrows in threat.
"Go to hell." he said, rolling his beaut- just normal eyes, totally not special.
Nope, just a regular boy-
"So..." the glasses that were on his head, they fell forward and oh- it did suit him "... How have you been" he removed his sunglasses from his face with such an arrogant expression that- Dazai continued with his most empty expression.
He tried to stare at Chuuya, but his cheeks felt hot. He looked away.
"It's whatever." he showed fake disinterest.
Chuuya arched an eyebrow, shifting his weight from one leg to the other.
And Dazai noticed that he was wearing a black suit that... fit him... too well.
The shoes... everything looked good on him. Had him always been like this?
He swallowed discreetly.
"Not everything is about Chuuya. I... " Chuuya looked flatly at him.
Dazai slightly widened the collar of his shirt with his index finger, feeling a cold wind. He stretched his neck uncomfortably. "I happen to have a job here. That's all."
He hoped that it would work.
The boy looked at him with suspicion in his eyes for a few moments, but then sighed, waving his hand slightly in the air.
"Good luck then, I suppose..."
Ah, finally Chuuya was showing signs of embarrassment. But it was probably because of the awkwardness.
The two hadn't seen each other for weeks and it was really strange to see someone who was out of sight on a daily basis.
His eyes softened a little, and Dazai returned the gaze. He swore he saw the corner of Chuuya's mouth twitch, threatening a small smile.
A smile that never came to appear.
Chuuya did indeed look much more mature and his appearance- didn't made him justice.
He was older. He seemed someone Dazai could respect-
What the hell was he thinking?
Gloss? Did he wear gloss? Or was Dazai's imagination running wild- again?
Chuuya took a step forward, getting closer to Dazai.
And when he did, he seemed to have sucked all the breathable oxygen out of him.
Calmdowncalm- it's Chuuya, he's disgusting and Dazai definitely isn't thinking about caressing his hair-
No. He isn't. He isn't thinking at ALL.
Chuuya closed his eyes and opened them in immediate sequence.
Something that might be called blinking eyes in clear, distinct confusion.
Something typical of someone who is confused, which would probably apply to the boy's case.
Dazai didn't understand why his chest felt like it was being squeezed tightly, as if his lungs were being crushed by the overwhelming - not at all significant - proximity.
But... thinking about it better... maybe it was the consequences of spending so much time alone.
Seeing Nakahara Chuuya in front of him dressed in emotions and light made him writhe with embarrassment.
The embarrassment of thinking, once, of ruining such singularity and uniqueness.
Chuuya wasn't that close to him. He couldn't even feel the air he was breathing, warm and soft.
But, his eyes seemed to corner him against an invisible wall.
And worst of all, Chuuya would definitely not be aware of his vigorous presence.
Dazai then realized that he had been deprived of human emotions, stripped naked and been abandoned by them.
So seeing Nakahara Chuuya was like a blessing for his one eye.
And even the eye, covered in bandages, moved with life.
He felt, even if for a moment, less empty.
And... admittedly Chuuya was... different. In a way that caused a peculiar tremor in his legs and sweaty fingertips.
Dazai really missed him.
He could admit it silently, and he was capable of it.
But never chant it.
Suddenly, the looming heat radiating from his cheeks had become less uncomfortable and embarrassing.
He had become almost pleasant, and he almost considered smiling at him as a thank you.
But...
The vowels, consonants, syllables, the words they formed and the sentences - had become stuck in his throat.
Even when, almost unconsciously, he parted his lips, all that came out was a very small, shrill sound.
Chuuya didn't seem to care much. The boy had looked away.
And in part, Dazai was grateful for that space.
Chuuya's eyes had always been very penetrating, sharp as shining knives. Eyes that were endowed with an intelligence imperceptible to the eyes of the superficial ones.
Well, Dazai thought, their loss.
A little smile painted his lips, when Chuuya wasn't looking at him. Face turned to the side and fiery red hair fluttering like light strips of velvet.
He was a true vision.
Dazai nearly lost his breath, just like he had lost his words.
He pressed his lips together in a thoughtful line.
Chuuya looked at him again, with that hard but open gaze.
And for a moment, he didn't speak.
And time stood still.
And time stopped.
The wind embraced both bodies like an encouraging caress.
Chuuya's expression was imperceptible.
A stone expression that was not rough, but maybe smooth like marble.
He unexpectedly noticed the choker around his thin and white neck. He sucked a breath.
He really didn't have the courage or mentality to direct a comment to him.
But then, Chuuya parted his lips slowly-
"Chuuyaaa!" a voice that Dazai had never heard before echoed.
And then, quick, excited footsteps that seemed to be approaching at great speed.
Chuuya's expression seemed to tremble a little as another figure clung to his shoulders, perching on him like a bird.
"Heeeey! Chuuya!" the other said "C'mon! We are all waiting for you!"
Dazai maintained his blank, dead expression. Chuuya, in turn, let out a frustrated and somewhat annoyed sigh.
"Get off of me!" he said, but he had made no effort to pull away from the other. It was just an annoyed, irritated tone. "Oi!" he smacked him on the arm.
"Hmm? You are not busy!" he exclaimed "You are not-" at last, the annoying person seemed to finally notice Dazai's existence.
Chuuya seemed to stiffen a little, looking down like a misbehaving cat.
The guy, who was wearing sunglasses, pressed his lips together and said:
"Oh."
The boy pushed him away from him and Dazai kept his blank expression.
The other stared at Dazai for a few seconds and then moved closer to Chuuya's ear, leaning his torso.
"Isn't him that kid everyone talks about?" he whispered to him as if Dazai couldn't hear him. Then he glanced at Dazai and turned to Chuuya who looked deeply uncomfortable "Dazai Osamu, righ-"
An exaggeratedly loud sigh echoed. Coming from Dazai of course.
"I see my reputation precedes me," he commented very indifferently, causing Chuuya to grimace in disgust.
Dazai smiled emotionlessly.
"Yes, it's me. " he paused, carefully and then added flatly "I am Dazai Osamu." he paused. Again.
Faced with Dazai's coldness, Chuuya just sighed in frustration.
Then, he pushed the other away with a chilled expression. And with some force, considering that the guy with glasses almost hit the glass door.
"Chuuya!"
But Chuuya just ignored him, casually putting his hands in his pockets.
The expression of arrogance and petulance did something strange in Dazai's stomach.
"I'll meet you inside." and as he spoke, he kept looking at Dazai who returned the gaze with the same intensity. A provocative smile appeared on Chuuya's lips and Dazai felt the same thing as seconds ago. "Go now, Albatross."
Albatross, as he was called, mumbled something under his breath regarding the push Chuuya had given him.
And, then, entered the bar.
The sound of the door closing caused Chuuya to sigh in relief, closing his eyes.
Dazai didn't tell him anything.
Seconds later, Chuuya fixed his gaze that seemed to crush Dazai - not that it was a problem, Dazai would let him-
No.
Nope.
He shouldn't go there.
He swallowed and Chuuya He flashed a smug, cat-like smile that didn't seem as irritating as it had before.
It seemed to him... how could he say it... captivating.
Crushmecrushmecrushme.
He should crush Dazai like he did when they first met-
"I am so going to beat you, watch me." he said, his tone drawling and threatening - he should have crushed Dazai - "I am going to become executive, first." confidently, he lifted his head, stretching his neck, showing how the choker hugged his skin. “Watch me.”
He looked completely serious, challenging Dazai to… a bet? That he would lose… again?
Because Dazai knew very well that Mori would never make him an executive in the first place.
It was clearly Dazai's win, but…
Suddenly, Chuuya's confidence and arrogance didn't seem as irritating to him as it used to.
It seemed to … attractive… somehow…
He could rule the world.
That little man — who cared if he was short, not Dazai, could rule the world.
For the record, he could smash Dazai with his feet and he'd die happy.
Being short didn't stop Chuuya from being the greatest person he had ever laid his eyes on.
Power suited him. Chuuya was made to shine.
Oh, Dazai really didn't mind not being an executive. He could lose to see Chuuya confident again.
It was refreshing.
He-
“ 'have something to say, just do it!” he snapped, annoyed that Dazai hadn't… answered him… ah…
The truth is, Chuuya or not, Dazai didn't want to be an executive.
But seeing Chuuya all excited and dedicated to defeating someone damaged like Dazai…
And Dazai wining against him... gave him a certain satisfaction.
Chuuya could do anything with the dedication he had between his fingers.
And those eyes... that could crush him, strangle him, reduce him to dust...
And yet, Dazai would never understand why Chuuya wanted to defeat him.
He, someone broken and failed, who wanted to die.
And Nakahara Chuuya, fascination personified, wanted to defeat him.
Chuuya didn't know it, but he had long since won Dazai over.
Since he had become the storm, the tempest of the void that was Dazai's life.
But, Dazai was a fair person.
If Chuuya wanted to fight him, then Dazai would give that competition.
While he didn't mind being defeated by Chuuya, seeing Chuuya being defeated by him was equally fascinating.
That's why...
"Eh?" his blank expression had faded "But I thought Chuuya had already lost in the arcade!" Chuuya seemed to contain his irritation with a sigh. Dazai smiled at him almost victoriously "Chuuya did become my dog."
Chuuya stared at him for seconds, eyes that seemed to emit rays of light.
They could turn Dazai into dust.
"I. Did. Not." he hissed. Then he sighed and shrugged, "But anyway, I guess I'll see you around, bastard."
Shrugging his shoulders indifferently and disdainfully, he turned on his heels, leaving a trail of perfume that invaded Dazai's nose.
Dazai realized that his hair had been tied into a charming low ponytail.
He looked away, his cheeks felt hot again.
Chuuya raised a gloved hand, waving it nimbly in the air, showing off his slender wrists and long fingers -
What was wrong with Dazai today?
He swallowed hard, getting rid of the red in his cheeks and, just so he didn't look like a complete idiot-
“See you never!”
Chuuya's grumbling could still be heard.
The bar door closed and Dazai released the air he had suppressed.
It felt like pounds had been lifted off his shoulders.
Feeling more in control, he sighed more serenely.
Chuuya was already a winner.
Dazai knew, ever since the first time he met him, that he'd be trouble.
He knew if there was anyone capable of defeating him, it would be Nakahara Chuuya.
Not someone like Mori Ougai or someone Dazai, himself.
None of these people.
Dazai had no interest in defeating anyone, knowing their every move beforehand.
Boring and useless, a waste of time.
But, he did want to defeat Chuuya.
He was the first person he'd ever wanted to bring to the knees.
Seeing someone so powerful, a victor, at your mercy was incredibly pleasurable.
And even if Chuuya's motives were different, Dazai's sole motive was just that.
It was much more interesting to defeat someone who had already defeated him, even without knowing it.
After all, defeating Chuuya would be the only reason Dazai would work to become an executive.
There was something different about defeating someone that made him feel… strange.
Dazai considered it as retaliation.
Just like Chuuya's presence, just his existence, crushed Dazai…
Dazai also wanted Chuuya to feel equally crushed by Dazai.
And the only way he had was to defeat him.
The effect Chuuya had on him was unfair, he had to return the overwhelming feeling.
And in these thoughts, Dazai smiled a little, putting his hands in his pockets.
He felt less alone now that he knew Chuuya was thinking about him.
Even if his sole purpose for that was to crush Dazai.
At this point, Dazai'd take anything from him.
Hate, friendship, rivalry.
Because, he knew.
He knew that anything Chuuya'd give him would make him feel less empty.
He'd make him feel more alive.
It honestly felt nice, when Chuuya hated him, was friendly with him, tried to defeat him, protected him…
Because for the first time ever.
For once.
And even if temporary, Dazai could feel less inhuman.
More like a human.
(He would burn the world, he'd kill and lie, just to keep that emotion a little longer.
He'd do anything to keep that feeling Chuuya caused him.)