Chapter Text
“hah….” Kaveh sighs, cracking his neck side to side. It’s been four hours since midnight. The sun is about to rise and he haven’t got an ounce of sleep! His neck hurts like shit and his room is a total mess, there’s paper scattered everywhere, inks and blueprints,
He’s tired.
Every thing hurts. Not just his neck but there is also a dull ached in his lower back, his head hurts like shit too, his throats feels like he just swallowed a sand by how dry it is. I’m probably dehydrated, he thinks.
He couldn’t even feel his wrist, numb from all sketching and drawing, for like what? 10 hours? He’s not sure. He can’t even remember if he has eaten anything for the past couple of hours he spent finishing a project.
“Archons, ’m so fucking tired.” Tears started forming in his eyes, Kaveh hated how sensitive he is, he feels so empty and alone. Crying over something stupid.
This wasn’t the first time this happened, it happened many times before, his roommate would always notice his swollen and red eyes and he would just shrug him off, saying that he got overly emotional because of the book he was reading. And Alhaitham would just stop at that, never asking, never prying.
Kaveh was very grateful for it, truly. But sometimes, he doubts himself. Is he even worth to try?
Lost in thought, Kaveh didn’t noticed the small knocks coming from his door.
“Kaveh” Kaveh flinched, he whipped his head towards the door. There, stands Alhaitham at his doorway. Gripping his doorknob and staring at him, wide eyes.
“Haitham?” he whispers, quickly wiping away the tears that fell from his eyes. Only noticing that he got his sketches stained with his tears, “Shit.” He curses silently. He can’t risk ruining his work, he spends a lot of time finishing it for archon’s sakes!
“You look terrible” Alhaitham said. Taking in the appearance of his roommate.
“Yeah, shit. Why are you awake anyways? It’s not like you to wake up at,” he looks at the clock, “…4 in the morning” he mumbles. Guess he really didn’t get a wink of sleep, huh.
“I should be asking you the same thing. Why are you still awake, Kaveh? Did you even sleep?” Kaveh looks away guiltily, “Why do you care?” he asked meekly, he could feel his eyes burning again, the tightness of his throat making it hard to breathe. Oh, shit.
“Because I care about you?” he answers, letting go of the doorknob. Kaveh stills, he must be joking right? He looks at him in the eyes, looking for a sign that he was merely joking, mocking or even pitying him, but all he could see are worry written in Alhaitham’s eyes. Which is impossible because he is pretty sure that Alhaitham hates him. Don’t like him.
“Oh, this is gold! I can’t even tell” Kaveh responds sarcastically, he turns his back to Alhaitham to keep himself distracted. He can feel his body shakes as he tried, and failed to keep his tears from falling.
“I’m tired haitham, just go back to sleep.” Kaveh wipes his tear-stained blueprints angrily, smudging the ink in the process. Now he feels like crying for real this time.
Alhaitham scowls and says, “Kaveh, why are you making this hard for me?” he is met with silence, for a moment Alhaitham though that Kaveh had fallen asleep, hunched over his desk when suddenly Kaveh stands up and faces him, his face painted with anger.
“Making it hard for you?” he sneers, “I’m so confused, haitham. You kept acting like you don’t want me here when it’s you who invited me to live with you in the first place! And now that I’m staying up late doing shit just to pay the rent on time you’re gonna pretend that you care about me? Is this how you hate someone haitham?!” He steps forward, pointing a finger at Alhaitham’s chest.
“I’m avoiding you! Can’t you feel it? I’m doing you a purpose! So why do I feel like I’m doing everything wrong?” Alhaitham reaches out but Kaveh jerks away from his touch, aggressively wipes the tears that keeps flowing from his eyes. “Don’t you dare touch me!” he shouts. The words were cold and sharp, slicing through everything he has build between them.
I’m so fucked up.
A hurt look flashes in Alhaitham’s eyes, he feels more terrible now. He caused this. He hurt Alhaitham. He-
Alhaitham tried reaching for the second time but he takes a step back when Kaveh tenses from his movement
“Kaveh” he calls him.
Alhaitham would kick him for real now, won’t he? He can’t even pay rent on time. He is so useless, trying, and failing to do even such a simple task. Now he realized why his roommate hates him.
“Kaveh, look at me”
Who would want someone deep in debt anyways? Even his mother doesn’t want him, how could he wish Alhaitham to-
“Kaveh” Alhaitham invade Kaveh’s space and pulled him into a tight hug, his body shakes violently as he is reduce to a sobbing mess, clutching at Alhaitham’s shirt tightly. He can’t breathe. He can’t.
It hurts.
“D-don’t hate me, haitham. I’m s-sorry. I’m sorry, please don’t kick me, please-“
“Kaveh, look at me.” A hand gently cups his face. He slowly opens his eyes that is filled with tears, his gaze fixed on Alhaitham’s eyes. For a moment he could’ve sworn he saw something glints in his turquoise eyes.
“hayi, please-“ he pleaded, using the old nickname from their akademiya days.
“Breathe with me” And he did, Kaveh breathe deeply, in and out. With Alhaiham’s guide he slowly calms down, breathe evening out. His sobs quite down to sniffs as he slowly calms down. They remained like that for an unknown amount of time, nothing but Kaveh's soft sobs echoing through the room as Alhaitham whisper sweet nothing to calm him down, holding him in an embrace.
Alhaitham shifts slightly, letting go of Kaveh, for a moment he was scared that he might leave him there, hanging, all alone again and he is scared. He doesn’t want to be alone and Alhaitham will leave him-
“Shhh…” His roommate holds his hands gently and guides him towards the bed, "Come on." He could feel the panic slowly coming back but it was quickly washed away as Alhaitham’s strong arm envelopes his body, holding him in a hug.
The bed dips as both of them sits down. Alhaitham shifts again , but does not let go of Kaveh. He tucks Kaveh in his neck, and held him firmly as a gentle hand slowly and soothingly rubs his back.
“Are you with me now?” Alhaitham ask gently. “Yeah, I’m sorry” he sniffs, Alhaitham’s nose wrinkled at that. “Stop saying sorry” he told him.
A hand rose up to clutch his face. Kaveh relishes at the feeling of Alhaithams cold hand in his cheeks. He could feel it. Alhaitham’s eyes burning through his face, looking for answer, never asking, never prying.
Kaveh understand everything now.
Why Alhaitham won’t pressed him for answers. All this time his roommate were patiently waiting for Kaveh to say it himself, to tell him the things that bothered him, makes him cry, and his dumbass thought that Alhaitham doesn’t care about him.
I’m such an idiot.
“I-“ he shutters, feeling his cheeks go warm. Kaveh averted his eyes and cleared his throat. He could feel tears brimming in his eyes again. A small squeezed of his hands stops him though.
He is exhausted.
“You know, you don’t have to do it if you’re not ready” his companion said while stroking his back, kaveh tried stifling a yawn but failed.
“But-“ he tried saying something but was immediately cut off by his roommate.
“Sleep, Kaveh. You can tell me this later when you get enough sleep” he would protest more if it weren’t for his eyes slowly dropping, Kaveh tried stifling a yawn but failed. Alhaitham continued stroking his back, lulling him to sleep.
“Don’t leave.” He whispers, “Please.”
“I won’t” Alhaitham said quietly, pressing a kiss into his forehead.
“Thank you, hayi….”
Kaveh’s sleep idled mind didn’t register what happened. But he could’ve sworn he saw a small smile in Alhaitham’s face.