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The moment he knew he was going to be a father, Vax’ildan’s anxiety spiked. He loved children and he always had fantasies of his own about starting a family with a person he loved. He just never thought it would happen. But now that he and Keyleth were happily married and she announced that she was pregnant to him, he could no longer ignore those anxieties. He was happy and he kissed her with such passion that it nearly blew her away. He and Keyleth immediately started making plans about when to tell their loved ones, what kind of bedroom they would like, even names. These were all perfect distractions so he could shove away his anxiety.
The pregnancy went well, all things considered. Keyleth was nauseous from the start until the very end but she was healthy. The healers in Zephrah were skilled enough so they could give them information about the growth of the child and they knew the child was in perfect health and hitting all the milestones. Apart from Keyleth’s nausea and her mood swinging from side to side it went well. They worked hard for the child’s bedroom. Vax picked up wood carving and was determined to make all the furniture by hand. Vex’ahlia had found a cute stuffed animal in the shape of a raven which got a nice spot near the crib for the baby. It was coming together nicely. Again, more distractions to hide away his anxieties.
And here he was, wide awake looking at the ceiling in their bed. Keyleth had finally fallen asleep. She was nearing the end of her pregnancy and her feet were swollen and her stomach was heavy. it seemed their child would be coming soon, according to the healers. That fact made Vax more nervous than ever, not able to hide away his anxieties anymore.
He wanted to be a father, he really did. But he was frightened, afraid that he would be like his own father. A spiteful and hateful man who never showed him and his sister one ounce of love and compassion. What if he was unable to bond with the child? What if the child would hate him? Vax then sat up, feeling his heart rate spike. He looked over to his side, Keyleth still sleeping. She was holding her stomach, almost wanting to cradle the child. He sighed and lied down again, moving so he was facing her and laid down on his stomach. Vax felt a blush rise on his cheek, already feeling embarrassment for what he was about to do. He then took a deep breath.
“Hey there…” He whispered against her stomach. He had heard somewhere that the baby could hear a lot and he and Keyleth both talked to the child sometimes. But he had never done it alone. He felt kind of silly but then again, no one was there to make fun of him for. The only one who listened was their child. “You know, I really can’t wait to meet you…” He added, placing his chin on his hands which he folded in front of him. “I want to show you so many things, you know?” He began thinking, letting himself indulge in his fantasies again.
“I want you to meet Trinket and your aunt Vex’ahlia, and meet your cousin Vesper with her papa; Percy…” He smiled, thinking fondly of his family. “And Pike, Scanlan and Grog. They would love you, I’m sure Scanlan would love to sing a song for you.” He made a mental note to remind Scanlan to keep it child friendly. “Grog is super big, I’m sure you can ride on his shoulders if you ask nicely.”
Vax sighed, letting the fantasies take flight. “I hope we’re going to be good friends, you know…” He felt his ears flush. “Maybe I can take you fishing, heh.” He grinned. “I remember some kid on Byroden doing that with his father, not that my father ever would.” Vax cocked his head to the side. “Would you like that?” He asked, voice small. “I promise that I will not be a prick like my father.” He meant to say this as a joke, but the words fell on his stomach like a stone in water. He frowned, slowly moving his right hand to rest on Keyleth’s stomach. His ears alert to check if she would wake from this. He was relieved to hear her snore away, and so he continued with his little bonding moment.
“I would like you to feel safe with me…” He whispered, voice getting raspy with emotion. “If you are in trouble, I hope you would feel safe enough to come to me…” He perked up when he felt the child kick at his hand. “Are you listening?” He asked, voice turned lighter with amusement. “I’m going to teach you the best tricks in the book about being a stealthy piece of shit…” He chuckled to himself. “Maybe I’ll even teach you how to lockpick your mothers office so we can check in on her when she’s hard at work…” He smiled, eyes turned soft when the kicks didn’t stop. “I’ll make sure I’ll be the dad for you that me and your aunt Vex’ahlia needed.” He said, his voice confident. His anxiety was still there, and will probably not stop but he would damn well try to be there for his own child like his own father wasn’t.
He suddenly felt a hand in his hair, looking to his side to see Keyleth smiling at him softly, eyes half open with sleep. “You’re going to be a great dad, Vax…” She whispered, voice rough with sleep. He felt his entire face flush red. “You heard that?” He asked, voice tiny. Keyleth’s smile never wavered and she only nodded. Her hand in his hair playing with his soft locks. “Is this what’s been bothering you?” She asked, gently. Vax sighed; of course she knew. She always did. He looked away from her, back to her stomach where his hand was still resting. The unborn child had stopped kicking him. Vax shrugged, not wanting to appear that it was affecting him.
“Vax’ildan…” Keyleth called out his name, her voice a little more clear. Vax looked at her; it wasn’t often she used his full name like this. Her eyes were kind but stern. “You are not like him.” She added, voice leaving no room for doubt. “You are a much better man than your father could ever dream he could be.” Vax felt his breath hitch in his throat. He wanted to look away, hide in the covers. But Keyleth’s green eyes were holding onto him. He felt vulnerable, but surprisingly not in a bad way. He knew he was safe with her. Her green eyes sparkled with familiarity and she removed her hand from his hair to open up her arms to him. It took Vax only 3 seconds to find refuge in her arms, his face against her neck to inhale her scent. Keyleth wrapped her arms around his shoulders, placing soft kisses against his hair.
“You are always taking all the time to care about others, let me take care of you…” She whispered against his forehead. Vax sagged, closing his eyes and letting himself get cuddled by his loving wife. He ignored the sting in his eyes, not wanting the tears to escape.
“I know you are scared and I understand why…” She whispered. “But I want you to know that I have no doubt you are going to be a great father to this one…” She let her fingers stroke his back. “Besides, if you do try to be an ass, I’ll just kick yours.” She added, wanting to lighten the mood a little to appease him. She heard him sniff in amusement, but he didn’t respond. He didn’t need to. She knew he was listening and that was enough.
“You are a great man, Vax. Don’t let your negative thoughts inside keep you from living the life you deserve…” And that was the push he needed. The tears escaped and he let them. Keyleth kept whispering reassurances, letting him know she was there for him. She pressed gentle kisses against his skin and his hair holding him tightly as she soothed his inner wounds. After a while he seemed to calm down and took a deep sigh.
“Feeling a little better?” Keyleth asked gently, not wanting to break the peaceful tension that was there. “Hm, yeah…” He replied, his voice rough with emotion still. Vax moved his hand back to Keyleth’s stomach and he couldn’t help but let out a soft laugh when the baby started kicking again.
“She’s active tonight…” Keyleth commented, moving one of her own hands to rest on Vax’s. Vax raised his head and made eye contact with her. “She?” He asked, a small grin on his face. Keyleth smiled and nodded. “Oh yeah, I’m pretty sure.” They had no way of knowing actually, but Keyleth had a hunch. Vax just shook his head and returned to his spot against her neck, closing his eyes.
His anxieties did not disappear fully, but in the arms of his loving wife and his unborn child nearby he felt that he could ignore them just for a little longer. He felt lighter than he had before. He had Keyleth at his back and that was all he needed. He also trusted her word when she mentioned she would kick his ass (because she could). So, with that he was finally able to fall asleep comfortably, in his wife’s arms.
If only they could stay asleep, because it was not an hour later that they woke up when Keyleth’s water broke.
–
Over 36 hours. That’s how long it took before Elaina finally entered the world. It was a hard birth, taking longer than it actually should have. After they finally heard the blessed cry of their daughter they could finally rest. Keyleth had lost a lot of blood but she was stable and resting. He thanked the midwives gratefully for their help. They soon left, giving him instructions on when to call them if needed. And with that he was alone with his daughter. She was a small thing but she had a voice that could rival Grog’s.
Keyleth was sleeping in their bed, resting after a hard labour and just feeding their daughter. She looked so pale before but she finally had colour on her skin. Vax’ildan had been scared, but he knew inside that his wife was stronger than she gave herself credit for. Vax’ildan was still holding his daughter. His daughter. It was still not something he was used to.
Elaina was calm in his arms, not quite falling asleep just yet. He sat down on their bed, letting his daughter rest against his chest as he moved to lean against the headboard of their bed.
“Hey there…” He started just like he had a few days ago. “It’s me again, your dad…” He smiled, not actually believing that he was holding her just yet. “I’m glad that I can finally meet you…” He felt tears once again sting in his eyes. She looked wonderful, like a perfect combination of her parents. He could recognize his own nose, he saw some red her like her mothers. She was absolutely beautiful and she was his daughter. Elaina then did a yawn, which was more of a sigh. She was so small. Vax’ildan felt immensely proud. He presses his lips against his daughter's forehead, kissing her softly.
“I swear I’ll protect you.” He said, voice with more confidence than he had felt earlier. He adjusted the blanket she was wearing. He vowed he would protect this precious being that he had in his arms with his life, just as he had vowed he would love and care for his love. His Keyleth. Vax looked down at his wife who was sleeping so softly, a smile on her face. They were safe. This was alright. He was allowed to have these things. He then smiled the biggest smile.
“You know, when you get bigger I’m going to take you fishing.”