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“Truly amazing, Mr. Screwllum. Not a single speck of rust despite the snow having been settled for…a week now, you said?” He had been away for two weeks, with final exams and finishing grades. As expected, the passing percentage was within the average of the years before. It was…disappointing to say the least, but he resides to deal with that issue come the new semester. Now though, he is kneeling down and clearing away fresh and old snow, inspecting the metal surface that serves as a street on Planet Screwllum, just outside the mansion’s front gate.
“Answer: Six days, three hours, and twenty-seven minutes since snowfall has officially begun. It seems that frost was all that was needed to allow for snow. The Screwllumites have been quite happy to have it. I have…decided to call for two weeks off of all work and study to allow time for them to embrace the new environment.”
“How kind of you, oh benevolent ruler of Planet Screwllum.” He turns to smirk at Screwllum, who is shaking his head at him.
“As I have been reminded multiple times, there is more to life than study and work. I believe it will be beneficial for morale.”
“I don’t know who told you that, but you shouldn’t listen to them. It was Silver Wolf, wasn’t it?” He turns away from Screwllum again, squatting down once again to assess the base of the light pole that was in front of him. For this experiment to be considered a success, rust can not be found anywhere, not even in screws or crevices. The first sign of rust means the experiment is a failure and the planet will enter a brief warming period to facilitate melting. The frost had not had any issue, aside from the few slips and falls he had seen from iced over sidewalks, but snow was an entirely different beast.
(And hadn’t that been a joyous occasion, watching Screwllum slip on ice. Of course, he had caught himself the second after it had happened, but Veritas had seen it happen and made sure that Screwllum did not forget it. It was a reminder to the aristocrat that not even he was perfect, which was okay.
What Veritas won’t talk about is how less than five minutes later, he had slipped as well and it was only because of Screwllum’s reflexes that he had not fallen to the ground.)
The lamp post is good though, no signs of rust anywhere, even the screws that were close to the bottom. He truly is impressed at the feat, just another example of how remarkable Screwllum’s precious screws are. He huffs out a breath as he moves to stand—
Cold! Oh sweet Nous, that’s cold! What in the name of Erudition—?
“Oh. I see.” He turns his head to look bewilderedly at Screwllum, who is staring at his snow-covered palm.
There is absolutely no way—
“How curious. Analysis: I would have assumed that despite being packed so tightly, the snowball would have stayed in form. I did not think it would break like that.”
“Screwllum…my dear darling beloved Screwllum. Did you just throw a snowball at me?” He must be imagining it, for there is no way that would be what has just occurred.
“Answer: Yes, I did. I was curious about what would happen.”
“Then you could have thrown it at a wall! Why did you throw it at me?” Screwllum tilts his head, tapping his chin. It’s very cute, but now is not the time for Screwllum’s cuteness, especially when he knows Screwllum does it to not get in trouble with him.
“Query: Is that not what the activity is? Upon learning that snow had settled and would stay, I looked up activities to do in the snow. There is not enough snow, nor do we have many hills, to enjoy snowboarding or sledding, and the ice rink is quite busy these days. So, I decided that a snowball fight was the most logical answer.” He’s…actually stunned speechless. Trust Screwllum to say something so absurd with such a serious tone.
Because he is being serious.
He hates how much he finds it…endearing.
“If you wanted a snowball fight, you should have told me. We could have set something up in the yard.” Screwllum nods at his words.
“Yes, but my research informed me that often times, snowball fights are started when one person throws a snowball unexpectedly. Like I just did.” He screeches when another snowball hits him in the side, right against his bare skin. “And like I have just done again.”
(He had rushed here from the Guild, not realizing that he would need to have changed before he landed. However, the moment he had touched ground on Planet Screwllum, his partner had grabbed hold of his hand and dragged him to Main Street to show him the snow in person.
He knew he should have grabbed his sweater before he departed his warm shuttle.)
“Screwllum!”
“That is two points for me.”
“Screwllum!” He deftly dodges another snowball, bending down to scoop up a handful of snow to throw at Screwllum in hopes it will bide him enough time for form—
“Ah!” He glares at his arm where the snowball connected, then turns to glare at Screwllum.
“Three. It seems that perhaps this is not something you are good at, Mr. Ratio.”
“You little—”
“It would also have done the doctor wise to have changed before landing. However, his lapse in judgment shall be my advantage.”
Lapse in judgment, huh?
Him dating Screwllum was beginning to seem like a massive lapse in judgment.
Lapse in…
“I forgot to mention when I landed, I missed you, Screwllum. I was…lonely without you.” He throws the snowball in hand…
And Screwllum side steps it.
“Affirmation: I missed you too, my dear. However, you will have to try harder that to distract me.” He hisses when snow connects with his leg. “Four.”
“Would you just give me a minute?!” He dodges another snowball, scooping snow from a nearby bench to pack into a ball.
“All is fair in love and war, my darling Veritas.” He dodges again, only to cry out when snow meets his shoulder.
“Screwllum!”
“Five.”
○
“I don’t know how I feel about this…”
“About two full-grown men of incredibly high intellect having a snowball fight?”
“Not that, Ruan Mei, not that. Okay kinda that, but I can look past that. It’s hust…I’ve never seen him act like this before. He’s…carefree, he’s happy. Not the fake happy he thinks he’s mastered, but genuinely happy. I…it pisses me off to no end that that horrid ugly man is responsible for it, but I am thankful. He…he brings out a part of Screwy I’ve never seen before.” She holds her key staff tight, staring out the window as Screwllum nods sagely while Ratio yells at him. The man is covered in snow, part from his earlier examination and part from Screwllum’s very well-aimed snowballs. Screwy is covered in snow too, but she can see that it’s melting.
They both look like idiots, standing in the snow. Stupid idiots in love with each other and being stupid in the snow.
“I just don’t want him to get hurt, Ruan Mei.” She really doesn’t. Screwy is…he has been through so much and he has lost so much and she doesn’t want him to lose this too.
Ruan Mei hums, stepping closer to the window to stand side by side with her. In her arms, the little undercooked critter that Screwllum adopted without hesitation happily meows away, singing what she thinks is a popular holiday song. “I do not think Mr. Ratio is capable of hurting Screwllum, not in the ways that you are thinking of. I think they fight, and will fight of course, but both of them are too logical to allow for that to break their relationship. If anything, I believe it will be outside forces that will seek to harm their relationship.”
They both look up at the sky as Ruan Mei finishes speaking, seeking those near invisible lines that encompass all of Planet Screwllum. Herta notes a new pattern has begun to entwine with the data lines and locks—laurels.
“I suppose you are correct. Ugh, I’m gonna have to go to the Guild, aren’t I? Locked Wards have to be put in place on site, which means I have to go to that awful, awful place.” Ruan Mei giggles, hand coming up to cover her mouth as Herta turns to grin at her. It’s rare to get a sound like that from Ruan Mei, and she is quite proud of being one of those people who get to hear it.
“Like you aren’t already planning on disguising as a student and crashing one of Dr. Ratio’s classes. I believe he would be most angry if you did that.”
“Perfect! If I have to be miserable, so does he! Oh! Holy shit! Stand up Screwy and fight him! Fight! Win!” She watches as Ratio holds out his hand to help Screwllum up—who he pushed down, mind you…such insolence!—and then cackles as Screwllum takes hold of that hand and pulls him down.
And then turns away, gagging as they kiss.
“Ew! My eyes! My precious, precious eyes! Ruan Mei! Do something!” The woman laughs and opens the window of Screwllum’s private library.
“Boys, I would like to remind you that you are both in public. Please keep all acts of affection to a private setting. Herta thanks you.” She gasps. Her wife! Betraying her!
“I do not!” She yells out the window, yelling again when her hand slips and she tumbles out the window to the ground below.
She doesn’t land on the ground though, gracefully diving forward into a flip to land on a layer of ice she summoned. “And she sticks the landing! Perfect score for The Herta!”
The sound of clapping and meowing sounds from behind her and she turns on her heel to give Ruan Mei and Ru a thumbs up.
And then promptly loses her balance again and falls into the snow below.
Whoops.
She lays there for a second, enjoying the cold. Truly, she cannot tell the difference between real snow and Planet Screwllum’s snow. She’s gotta give—
“Screwllum, please tell me you got that. Screwllum, I need that for my records.” Oh hell no.
She sits up, turning at the waist to point her finger at the idiot couple.
“You will do no such thing, Screwy! Think of how much of a living hell I can make your life~” Of course, Screwllum laughs, shaking his head.
“And a reminder to you, Madam, that without my code, your beloved Simulated Universe cannot run. Turnabout is fair play.”
“My baby! Don’t touch my baby, Screwy!”
“I will not, unless you provide me with reason. And to answer your question Veritas, yes, a record exists. Perhaps an exchange of knowledge can be worked out for it.” The idiot grins, one eyebrow raising.
“Oh? I knew there was something you wanted from me, Mr. Screwllum.” Oh ew, gross.
“You guys have some weird euphemisms... Just be like the rest of us intellects and use joint research or something like that. Gross.” Screwy tilts his head at a degree she knows means confusion.
“I do not understand. I was merely asking for a knowledge exchange. What does that have to do with—”
“Nope! Don’t wanna hear that word from you!” Screwllum sighs.
“I do not understand you some days, Madam.” She grins at him, giving him a thumbs up.
“Good! Keeps you on your toes. Now you boys should help a lady up and then Screwy should start that grand fireplace he never uses.” Ratio rolls his eyes and he stands, helping Screwllum up. However, he doesn’t help her up. “Hey!”
“I’m sorry, but the only lady I see is Ruan Mei, who seems to be recording us on her phone. You are merely a pest and pests should stay outside.”
“Asshole!” The man waves to her as he walks away, taking a second to dust the snow off of him before he disappears into Screwllum’s mansion.
Screwllum does help her though, after she agrees to not make his life hell.
He never said anything about Ratio’s though.
Grabbing a handful of snow before Screwllum can stop her, she runs into the mansion after him, arm raised.
“Oh doctor~ I have a surprise for you~”
His scream and the subsequent chalk that hits her shoulder is totally worth it for how pissed off he looks.