Chapter Text
Eddie’s life has been full of surprises.
Shannon getting pregnant? Definitely a surprise. Now, of course, it’s the best thing that ever happened to him: Christopher is his entire life. 19-year-old, fresh-out-of-high-school Eddie hadn’t known that.
Joining the 188? Another huge surprise. Eddie had been weighing his options between four different stations (not to brag but, like, he did graduate top of his class), but something about Bobby’s firm, calm tone had convinced him, somehow. And thank God for that. Eddie had expected (read: hoped) for a drama-free station, with formal no-nonsense coworkers -A job he could enjoy enough and that paid enough for Chrstopher’s medical expenses and, hopefully, private school.
Oh, how wrong had he been.
The 118 is anything but drama-free, and his coworkers are far from normal. They’re not just colleagues –they’re family. A messy, loving family. A support system Eddie hadn’t even dreamed about, hadn’t realized he needed.
Sure, it was a big surprise. The few first days already telling Eddie he was in for a ride. It’s not what he expected at all. But now? He can’t imagine working anywhere else. He actually enjoys going to work, teasing Chim about his latest spiral, deep conversations with Bobby, trading parenting tips with Hen –or just laughing over amazing food with amazing people.
And, of course, Buck.
Everything about Buck is surprising. A 6’2” buff man with the softest heart Eddie’s ever seen. A macho bravado that barely scratches the surface of the most caring, nerdy and beautiful man Eddie’s ever met. The most breathtaking eyes, the pinkest upper lip-
Uh.
Anyways.
The point is, Eddie’s had his fair share of life-altering surprises.
The latest one being Christophers texts, one week before Christmas.
hey dad
could I spend Christmas with you?
and maybe like… stay there
Surprise would be the understanding of the year. Surprise doesn’t even begin to cover it.
Eddie had been freaking packing. Boxing up his entire life, preparing to leave everything behind –his work family, his 118, his Buck best friend –to move to El Paso and be with Chris. He thought he was doing the right thing, filling the black hole in his heart that he had been barely standing since Christopher left. The hole that opened more every time his son dismissed his calls, or every time he found out about Chris’ life though his smug mother.
(Eddie knew his plan was flawed. Leaving wouldn’t fix the hole; it would just change its shape. Instead of a Christopher’s gap, it would be Buck’s. And that wasn’t even considering whether Christopher would want to see him at all. Eddie hadn’t been sure.)
Imperfect plan or not, he had to do something. Anything. He could not keep on barely living though half-assed facecalls and the silence of an empty house.
Christopher had beaten him to the punch.
And oh, was Eddie glad. He was ecstatic! He couldn’t remember the last time he had been this utterly, irrevocably happy.
(Okay. This was a lie. He knows.
It had been a call from Bobby, a year and a half ago, saying Buck had woken up, that he had cheated dead.)
Next thing he knew, Eddie was dialing Buck’s number, hearing Buck’s soft “Eddie? What’s wrong?” (because Eddie never called, he texted) broke the dam.
Eddie had started crying. Ugly Crying. He could barely choke out, “He’s coming home, Buck. Buck! He’s really coming home!”
The next day found Eddie on a plane heading to El Paso, Buck by his side. Buck’s warmth against his shoulder being the only thing that eased Eddie’s anxiety.
(If Eddie had leaned a little too much into him… well, that was his business and his business alone. It had been a stressful 24 hours.)
When Eddie laid eyes on his son at the airport, he sobbed out loud. He could practically hear his father’s voice in his head: ‘Men don’t cry, especially not in public. Are you still a little boy?’ But Eddie had not cared at all.
His instincts had told him to run, to press Christopher to his chest and never let him go. But Eddie restrained himself. He didn’t know how Chris was feeling. For all he knew, his son had been tired of his abuelos’ hovering and pestering, or maybe he just missed Buck and Carla. Maybe it had nothing to do with Eddie. Christopher was probably still mad at him.
So, Eddie wasn’t going to push. He would take whatever he could get.
He braced himself for a little cold reunion, even though every fiber of his body hated the idea.
Christopher had other plans. Another one of his surprises.
His son’s reaction to seeing them could only be described as pure joy. He had shouted “DAD! BUCK!”, moving towards them as quickly as his crutches would allow, the tap tap tap of their tips echoing against the marble floor.
Eddie had run, knowing Buck was right behind him. He ignored his parents completely as Christopher all but leapt into Eddie’s arms (which would probably never happen again, Chris was thirteen, and had barely accepted normal hugs before leaving. He really had missed his dad). “Chris” He had whispered, probably more than once.
That moment was everything Eddie had been dreaming of for weeks… almost.
As Eddie held Christopher close, finally smelling his son’s scent since the summer, he glanced behind and saw Buck standing there, tears silently streaming down his face. He had stopped a few feet away, full of energy but waiting patiently for his turn to hug the preteen.
Well, tough luck, buddy. Eddie wasn’t letting go anytime soon.
“What are you waiting for?” Eddie had asked, motioning with his head. He knew Buck would feel like he was intruding, but he needed this. They needed this.
Buck nodded and, without saying a word, wrapped his long arms around both of them.
“I’ve missed you so much” Eddie barely recognized his own voice, thick with happiness. Buck still seemed too emotional to speak, only nodding against Christopher’s hair. Totally smelling him too. “We’ve missed you so much.”
And then, miraculously, Christopher had muttered “I’ve missed you, too”
(Later, when they finally arrived back to their house in L.A., they had sat down to really talk. Christopher admitted, with a mix of reluctance and guilt, that he’d hated living but his abuelos and only said otherwise to punish Eddie.
Eddie’s heart had clenched, but he kept his voice steady as he asked, “What made you change your mind?”
Christopher had sighed, tired and embarrassed. His voice dropped to a near whisper. “I’ll tell you, but I am gonna blame the emotional day I’ve had. And you have to swear not to laugh”
Eddie had raised his eyebrow, already amused but melancholic. God, he had missed his kid so much. “I swear I won’t laugh at you. Maybe with you, if it’s that funny.”
Christopher huffed, but still explained “Me and Abuela were coming back from school, the radio was on, and a Taylor Swift song was playing”
Eddie blinked, even more confused “Taylor Swift?”
“Yeah” Chris muttered, rolling his eyes like this was the most embarrassing thing ever. “And… ugh –The song said something like ‘I miss you too much to mad anymore’ and I… realized that’s how I felt.” A long pause “About you”
And no, Eddie did not laugh. Not even close. He started crying. Again. He pulled Crhistopher into another hug, holding him tightly as he said “Por dios, Christopher. I love you. I love you so much."
Chris’s voice was almost monotonal, “Me too, Dad”
Eddie smiled through the tears. A thought crossed his mind, and he chuckled. “Oh God, Buck’s going to love this story”
Christopher snorted, his first real laugh of the day “Oh my god, yes, he will.")
That had been it. It had been perfect.
Everything was exactly as it should be.
Eddie had everything he wanted.
Well, if everything was truly perfect, if everything was exactly as Eddie wanted, Buck wouldn’t have been there as his best friend slash family slash guardian of his son. He would have been there as Eddie’s partner. Eddie’s boyfriend.
But… things were good. Really good. Eddie wasn’t going to let his own stupid wants ruin his family again. Even if sometimes he daydreamed of pink lips and family picnics and strong arms and soft smiles.
Once again, Christopher had beaten him to the punch.
“Okay. Before I begin, I have to give you two warnings”
Eddie is sitting on the couch, next to Buck, close enough to feel his warmth but not quite touching. Christopher is on a chair opposite to them, laptop balanced on his lap, ready to connect it to the TV and project his presentation.
It’s been a month and a half since Chris came home, and life has been pretty great.
Thanks to Carla, Christopher is back in his old class, slipping seamlessly into their previous routines. The house feels more alive than it has in years –laughter filling it again, finally feeling like home again.
Buck is here nearly every day now, having gotten over his “I don’t want to intrude, you need time to reconnect with your son” phrase. Eddie had simply put a hand on his shoulder and said, “We”, a pointed finger circling between their chests, “have a lot of catching up to do with Chris. He’s dying to spend time with you. Get over yourself”.
The three of them are more of a unit now than they have ever been. And that’s saying something. Christopher lets Buck help with his homework sometimes, though he insists to Eddie that he can handle it alone because, “I'm not a kid anymore, Dad”. Eddie doesn’t push. Buck goes to the first PTA meeting with him, they take turns driving Chris to school, and they’ve even had a few dinners with the Wilsons.
(Denny has introduced Mara to Christopher with all the pride in the world. Chris, not missing a beat, had asked, “Do you want to play video games?” Mara had nodded eagerly.)
(Don’t worry, Mara” They heard him say from his room, minutes later “Denny is really bad with the controllers too”
“That’s not true!”
The four adults had laughed.)
Buck cooks almost every night, Eddie cleans afterwards. Dinner time has now been reserved for laughter, sharing stories, or talking about their day. When they’re done, Christopher usually retreats to his room, while Eddie and Buck stay, beers in hand. They chat or watch TV -lately, it’s been telenovelas, because Buck insists he wants to improve his Spanish.
Sometimes Buck leaves after a few hours, sometimes he stays and sleeps on the coach.
They never talk about wanting to start dating again. Eddie holds his breath.
Tonight, however, Christopher had asked somewhat nervously, “Can I show you the history presentation I’ve been working on? I need to practice out loud with an audience”
So now here they are, half an hour later, watching a strangely nervous Christopher.
Eddie is weirder out –Chris never gets nervous about school presentations, especially not when he’s practicing in front of just them.
“Okay.” He says, sitting a little straighter. His eyes keep flickering to the laptop screen and the two adults sitting in front of him “Before I begin, I have to give you two warnings."
He shares a questioning look with Buck, “Okay, mijo.”
“The first one,” He holds up one finger “Is that I lied. This is not a school presentation.”
“Oh, is it like an interest presentation?” Buck asks excitedly. “Is it about space? James Webb Space Telescope?” Their latest obsession.
“Not quite” Chris answers, almost wincing? “It’s about… Well, this is the second warning” His voice dips as he glances at the laptop again and shifts in his seat. He looks up and meets Eddie eyes. “I think you will probably be mad about it”
“What?” Eddie laughs “What could you possibly make a presentation about that would make me mad?"
“You’ll see.” Chris exhales, “I just wanted you –both of you– to know that I am not doing it to be mean. I’m really trying to help. And I think it will. Sometimes the end justifies the means, right?”
Eddie is getting more nervous by the second, his mind trying to search for a topic Chris would be this concerned to talk about. Has he been skipping school? Is it drugs?
Before he can collect himself, he hears Buck say, “Sometimes, bud. But knowing that you are doing something with good intentions… I don’t see how we’ll be truly upset at you”
Chris smiles “I’ll hold you to that”
And, then, he finally connects the laptop with the TV, the introductory slide of his presentation finally visible to them.
Chris reads the title out loud:
“Reasons why you should put all of us out of our misery and get together already”
With a big rainbow as the background. Chris has clearly decorated it in cringe millennial way to make it funnier.
Eddie is not laughing. Eddie is frozen in shock.
If he could move, he’d probably stop his son from continuing, but he’s stuck in place. Shocked.
He expected anything but this.
Chris takes a deep breath and continues, voice serious but with an edge of teasing now. “So, when I first came back, I was sure you had finally gotten your mess together and were just waiting for me to settle down again before telling me” He admits, “But I quickly realized that no. You are not together. You’re still playing the blurring lines game."
Eddiet he remains paralyzed. His thoughts are racing two hundred miles per second. He wants to say something, do something. But he’s stuck. And he doesn’t know what he would do even if he could move.
Contrary to popular belief, Eddie is not repressed anymore.
It took less than 24 hours since the whole let-yourself-feel-joy debacle for him to realize that he’s in love with his best friend. And when he noticed, his mind provided a compilation of years and years of seeing Buck, without classifying his feelings into what they were: want, and trust, and love love love love.
This, of course, let to a sexual crisis in his thirties. Because of course the fact that he’s in love with Buck, that he’s been in love with Buck, has also made Eddie notice that he… well, that he notices other men. Big arms and two-day stubbles and adam’s apples and all.
Not ideal.
So yeah, Eddie knows he likes men. Eddie knows he’s in love with Buck.
But he hasn’t told anybody. Wasn’t planning on doing anything about it in the near future. Because his wants and needs have always destroyed what he already had, and his life right now is great! He has Chris, and he (mainly) has Buck, even as a friend. It works. It’s enough.
Christopher, apparently, does not agree.
“So, I have put together the main reasons why I believe you should stop this facade and start dating already”
There’s a click, and the next slide fills the screen. It reads "1. I already know you like men". The gay man flag is the background now, the different shades of blue practically mocking Eddie.
Eddie can feel his face contorting, the blood rushing to his cheeks as he tries to control the panic inside of him. He still hasn’t looked to his side to gauge Buck’s reaction, too terrified of what he might see there.
“This is the part where I’m doing something wrong, where you can get mad at me.” Chris says, almost regretfully, “Because I know outing someone is never okay. And I’m truly sorry, Dad. But I’ve been waiting for a month, and that for a teenager is like two lifetimes. And it’s not like I’m doing it in a bad environment. Buck is already out as bi.”
Chris breaths in again, and Eddie is envious of his son, because he personally has forgotten how breathing works, especially with the next words come out Chris’ mouth. They hit him like a ton of bricks.
“Last month you didn’t erase your search history on the tablet”
That’s when Buck reacts. He chokes on air, but otherwise stays quiet, frozen.
“Not like that” Chris says, making a disgusted face “It was things like ‘How do I come out’ ‘How do I come out to my son’ ‘Phrases to come out to your family casually’” He has the audacity to snort. And Eddie curses himself. Because, yeah, he didn't want to destroy what they had. And he never planned on telling Buck. But he had promised Chris that there would be no more big secrets between them, and hiding his sexuality had seemed like one big enough.“And it’s okay dad, I’m really happy you found yourself, or whatever. Next reason:”
Without giving Eddie a second to process, Chris moves on to the next slide. Eddie would have found it funny under different circumstances, but now, it feels like another punch in the gut. The background is the same, but the text changes to say “2. Save the female L.A. population”
“I love you, dad.” Chris continues, “But you suck at dating women.” He says, almost comically “And I think that if you stop this comhet nonsense, you will spare the women you somehow keep convincing to date you.”
Buck’s voice cuts though their silence for the first time since this nightmare started “Um, I think the term comhet is only used for lesbians, Chris”
And Eddie (who knows what comhet is, really, leave him alone) is enough to break Eddie of his shock long enough to wave his hands in disbelief. “That is the only thing you have to comment on… all this?!” He gestures wildly at his son and the damn presentation, voice raised.
They look at each other’s faces for the first time, their eyes locking for just a brief moment before they both look away, red-faced.
Buck stammers, clearly flustered. “I– Well, I think– We should let Christopher finish” He motions to the TV.
Eddie couldn’t disagree more, but his son clears his throat dramatically “Yes, please, stop.” He says firmly, “I worked hard on this. Questions and comments at the end. Thank you”
Eddie rolls his eyes. His son is a little shit.
“Okay, third point” Chris says, clicking again. The next slide takes Eddie’s breath away again. Buck gasps loudly.
It’s a collage of what must be a dozen pictures of the three of them over the years.
(Eddie heart’s tightens, spotting a picture of an eight-year-old Chris sitting between him and Buck at the Christmas surprise party Buck had organized just so that they could spend the day together.)
The text reads “3. Buck is basically my second dad already”
And, before turning, Eddie already knows what he will find. And he is right, Buck is crying, sniffing silently as Chris continues his speech.
“Buck, I’ve literally known you half my life, and you haven’t failed me once” And Eddie feels a sharp sting in his chest at how true that is, how constant Buck has been in their lives, even when Eddie has failed his son, Buck has not. There’s a bittersweet pride mixed with guilt. “You introduced us to Carla, you saved me from the tsunami, you took care of me when Dad was shot, you bake cookies for my class. You guys have had like one big fight in what, seven years? Which is weird, as you spend all your days together at work and then you still hang out in your free time.” Chris pauses to breathe for a second. Eddie feels as if he’s going to die of a heart attack. “But most importantly, you’re here all the time. You and Dad act like you’re already married, you’re parenting me together. You’ve been doing it for years”
Chris looks between them, his gaze firm now. “What I mean is… this family, the three of us, is good. We all like it like this. And it always works perfectly except when one of you tries dating other people, and then I start seeing less of Buck, and Dad mopes"
And Eddie… can’t help but agree. Goddamnit.
There’s a long silence again, all of them collecting their thoughts. Probably. Eddie’s thoughts, however, are just a constant OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD. WHAT IS HAPPENING. WHAT IS HAPPENING. WHAT IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW.
“Two reasons left” Chris announces, and he sounds much more relaxed now, as if the hard part is already over. He clicks, and another slide comes in, this time a picture of the very couch Eddie’s sitting on, next to a hospital bed?
"4. The couch will bring Buck into an early retirement"
Eddie cannot help but slightly smile as his son continues “If Buck keeps staying here all the time” Chris glances at Buck, who’s probably making a guilty face, and quickly adds, “Which is what we all want,” He points at the sofa “He cannot keep sleeping here. This thing is horrible, even for power-naps. I can’t imagine for sleeping five nights a week.”
Eddie looks at Buck again, but he’s not reacting now, which means it must be true.
“The solution?” Chris says grinning. “Buck sleeps with you in your bed, Dad.” He says it like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “That way, you don’t feel bad from making Buck stay, and Buck doesn’t have a sore back again. And it would only be awkward if you were just friends. So, date.”
Before Eddie has time to take a much needed breath, Chris continues. “Okay, last reason”
The TV shifts, and Eddie didn’t know he could be more surprised, but he is.
The background of this one is just money, a picture of stacks of bills. The text saying "5. If you don’t get together, Chim will win the bet"
“Two weeks ago, at the barbecue at Bobby and Athena’s,” Chris explains, clearly pleased with himself “I overheard Hen and Karen talking and inserted myself into the conversation” He shrugs, proud of himself “They were talking about a bet.”
“A bet on what?” Buck asks intrigued, and Eddie knows is because he loves bets, and is probably feeling felt out.
“A bet on when you’re going to get together.” He explain, smug as ever. “Karen had bet that it would happen over summer. Athena had said it would be during Christmas. Maddie said it would happen years ago. Bobby didn’t want to bet.”
Eddie, completely thrown off, can’t help but ask, “And Chim?”
Chris laughs at loud, “Chim says you’re straight and that it’s not going to happen” Eddie is snorting before he realizes. His brain can’t process fast enough. FUCK.
After another small pause, Chris clicks, and another slide appears. The background is now a cheesy mix of pink and red hearts, with the words ‘You can do it!’ plastered on it.
Chris stands up, the image frozen on the TV “Again, sorry for kind of outing you, Dad. But it was a necessity.” He closes his laptop but the image stays on the screen “Valentine’s is in two days. It’s a Friday. And you’re not working the next day."
How does he know all this…?
“And I’ll be having a sleepover with Denny,” Chris pauses, tilting his head “and Mara. So,” He starts walking towards the hall “Have a nice date. Go out for dinner. Or stay here, I don’t care. But do something.”
The two of them sit frozen on the sofa, staring at their respective hands and trying to process what just happened. Chris gives them a casual wave, “Okay, good night!”
And then he’s gone.
Eddie picks on his nails, the panic setting in fully.
What. The. Fuck.