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A Family Affair

Summary:

Athena has finally discovered who her father is: Phoenix's ex.

Notes:

Prompt: Barnham is Athena's father.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

"-Zacharias Barnham!"

"...Oh. Athena, I, uh... may be your ex-step-mother."

"..."

"Look, in my defense we were all drugged at the time! And he totally fit my type, what with the scathing comments but grudging respect and helping me in the end despite his superiors getting him in trouble for it, and also prosecuting my best friend... Well, burning her alive, actually. But that was unintentional."

"B-boss."

"Our whole affair was a short-lived thing though, I promise! I mean, Edgeworth showed up basically right away and then things got kinda awkward between us, plus you know his entire life as he knew it was a lie so that was an adjustment, and the time-zones too-"

"Boss, please-"

"Honestly, I'm just trying to figure out how a medieval witch hunter and a robot psychologist ever got together in the first place, I mean that's one hell of a genre crossover, anachronisms ahoy, watch out Storyteller-"

"What are you talking about?! My dad was a witch hunter? He burned your best friend alive, and you still dated him?!"

"Oh no, it's fine, she was totally okay. And he didn't mean to, like I said we were all drugged to the gills, I mean I thought I was an apprentice baker, it was this whole thing. Actually I think your dad used to be a taxi driver or university student or something before he got into the Inquisitor business."

"I - I don't -"

"But he's learning to be a prosecutor properly now! Actually, he probably is one by now I'm sure, I bet we could get in touch pretty easily... Layton'll definitely know how to contact him. I'm just gonna have to pay the toll - how are you at puzzles, Athena? You could help me out."

"I'M SO CONFUSED!"

"There's no point in making a fuss about it, Widget. He's just going to keep going until he wears himself out. This is why I never ask about his old cases."

"Apollo! But-!"

"Ah man, now I'm getting nostalgic. I wonder if he'll call me 'Sir Blue Knight' again, that was really... Well, uh, I mean I'm in a committed relationship now and he's your dad so I wouldn't - but, it'll still be nice to see the guy again. I bet he's aged well... I mean that professionally! Platonically! Sorry, Athena!"

"Dear god."

"It - it's okay, Boss? I... think. Uh, could you tell me more about my dad, maybe more - chronologically? ...coherently? Like: how did you meet, again?"

"Ugh, I warned you. It's your funeral, I'm outta here."

"Sure, I don't mind! He's a great guy, Barnham. Super popular too, he used to have an entire village of rabid fans - plus this super mean dog, to me anyway; actually they kinda remind me of Blackquill and Taka now that I think of it - well, not completely, that'd be weird for you I guess. But anyway, I don't know for sure when we first met, because at the time I thought I'd been a baker for five years in the same town so I knew of him and all, but since those memories were all fake the whole thing is a little unclear, but anyway he was the captain of the knights... oh, did I mention this was all in England? Well, it was. Anyway-"

"S-slow down...!"

Notes:

I just couldn't resist the chance to make Phoenix/Barnham happen, however crackily. Also to poke loving fun at PLvAA.

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