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NINE: Oh no. That’s. I don’t think that’s how you do that.
JUICE: do what
NINE: I just saw Charlotte Vance peel a banana from the bottom.
JUICE: and you find this weird?
NINE: Of course it’s weird! Obviously it’s weird!
JUICE: im more surprised youre surprised. everyone knows those little buggers are a bunch of weirdos
NINE: And yet everyone knows you peel a banana from the top! It’s like Mother Nature gave you the handle on the banana! On a silver platter! And you don’t use it!
It’s like taking that handle and like… like. Uh.
JUICE: take your time this’ll be the greatest analogy post-Earth has ever seen
NINE: It’s like taking the spoon nature gives you and instead of eating your rice with that spoon you eat it with a fork.
JUICE: there it is, but definitely not the best ever seen. comparing every minor good thing as ‘the best thing since sliced bread’ now THATS an analogy i love
NINE: I think that counts more as an idiom than anything?
JUICE: you could even say that very analogy is the best thing since sliced bread
NINE: Um. Okay, yeah. Okay.
Is sliced bread really that good?
JUICE: hell if i know. all i know is that its gotta be the best thing since sliced bread
with sliced bread being made in 1928, you’d think SOMETHING better wouldve been created before that
like. i dunno. the lightbulb. or the car
but nope. sliced bread is the best of the best. creme de la creme. shows what people prioritize in life
NINE: The real question I have is why there hasn’t been a concrete answer as to the best way to peel bananas yet. Or the fact they havent invented the optimal way to peel a banana.
JUICE: their biggest problem is mosquitoes, not bananas. if they had the sudden urge to make their lives easier after thousands of years of living, thatd be what they fix first
mosquitoes were a mistake
NINE: Agreed.
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TEN: How have we jumped from bananas to rice? And then to sliced bread?
JUICE: and mosquitoes dont forget about those. we arent eating them though
oh what
hey youre here too. wouldnt have thought you wouldve entertained this sorta thing
TEN: I wouldn’t, not usually. But I need to lay down some serious ground rules with you Nine. Very important rules about the world that you may not know about.
NINE: With me? What do you mean with me?! I’m saying the right method, you’re supposed to peel bananas from the top and not the bottom!
TEN: Well, yes, you can do that. Most people do.
But they’re wrong.
JUICE: oh man this is gonna be SICK
NINE: How?
JUICE: whats a guy gotta do to get a bowl of popcorn around here
TEN: Well, if the ‘handle’ is too small, you can't peel the banana open. And sometimes that handle just doesn’t do its job properly. Next thing you know you’ve got a bruised up, mushy banana tip and you can’t eat it anymore.
JUICE: would somebody down there be willing to catch a rocket and fly it out to my location? ill pay top dollar trust
well, i guess all those space groups are outta business nowadays though. damn my popcorn
NINE: You can’t… What do you mean you can’t eat it anymore?
JUICE: pshhh as if you can’t eat a bruised banana peel. i sure as hell would. if you cant youre just weak willed
NINE: You mean the banana inside of that peel?
JUICE: yeah that too it comes with the peel
eat the bruises, lady. EAT THEM
TEN: Absolutely not.
JUICE: dont be a coward theyre not gonna kill you dead
TEN: They’re unsightly and most of all they indicate mushy-ness and too much sugar. No thank you.
JUICE: eat. them.
TEN: There’s a reason why they’re colored in that unappealing way! It’s because you’re not supposed to eat them!
JUICE: more sweet is more good in my opinion
NINE: To be fair, Juice probably knows about all this foodstuff way better than either of us do, Ten.
He’s the one who’s been the most interested in how they taste and… whatever else comes with food. Stuff like that.
JUICE: id be a killer cook if there was a stove out here, im telling you
NINE: Sorry, but I wouldn’t trust you ten feet away from an open flame.
JUICE: wow guess youre not getting a bite of this pasta
NINE: You have pasta?
JUICE: i do have
NINE: … Can I have some too?
JUICE: well since you asked so nicely i suppose
TEN: And you know what I have? A well working camera. That can tell when something looks unappetizing and that you’re not supposed to eat it.
JUICE: how do you even know its unappetizing if 1. youve never eaten in your life and 2. you dont have an appetite
TEN: That’s practically the same point.
JUICE: and im STILL right
here’s your plate btw eat up i made it myself
NINE: Hey thanks!
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Can we focus back on why Charlotte is eating a banana from the bottom?
TEN: It’s because she’s doing it the right way. Less casualties to your taste buds, cleaner, more reliable way of opening a banana.
The only reason most people haven’t followed in her esteemed footsteps is either they haven’t been enlightened yet, they want the disappointment of their banana not peeling properly, or god forbid they actually like it mushy like that.
JUICE: im feeling a whole lot of shade coming this way and i dont appreciate it
TEN: There’s no shade in the truth.
JUICE: ha, ha. little do they know im aboutta blow this whole case wide open
NINE: Who
Who are you talking to
JUICE: if it makes you feel any better i wouldnt open a banana in either of those ways
NINE: Wh-
TEN: What?
JUICE: i saw a new method once
only one time, one absolute god send of a human being opened my eyes to the most optimal way of opening a banana
you ever see those fruits getting surgery?
TEN: What is this… this abomination.
JUICE: not even formatted as a question you know thats when shit gets real
fascinating stuff
NINE: Woah.
JUICE: right?
NINE: I… I can’t stop watching.
JUICE: RIGHT?
TEN: Oh god. How come I’ve never seen this before.
I could’ve stopped this.
JUICE: HAH oh no you couldnt it was a necessary event for humankind to do this
forgot you guys are old as hell this was wayyyy after yall were launched into space LOLLLL
TEN: Whatever your about to say, don’t.
JUICE: all im saying is
TEN: No.
JUICE: the best way
TEN: No
JUICE: to open a banana
TEN: NO
JUICE: is to just take your nail and slit it from the middle and peel it from there
or i dunno a conveniently placed sharp object
boom no mess. true story, have no clue who the person i saw it doing it was but it was right on the kitchen counter. bless them
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NINE: You know that isn’t as absurd as I thought it was gonna-
TEN: OH MY GOD IT’S HIDEOUS.
NINE: What is?
TEN: DON’T LOOK AT IT.
JUICE: oh you know im lookin
JUICE: oh hah
HAH oh EW
NINE: Okay now we’re taking it a little too far.
JUICE: BAAAAHAHAHA THIS IS AMAZING!
NINE: It’s a little uh… a little
TEN: Morbid? Strange? Mind numbingly alluring?
NINE: That’s the word.
Why would people feel the need to watch this?
Why would people feel the need to make this? Whatever this is?
JUICE: give me a few minutes imma watch this on loop and have the time of my life
TEN: I believe people watch it not because they want to, necessarily. But because they… have to?
NINE: Even you sound a little confused about that.
TEN: That’s because I am, but work with me here. It’s so eye-catching and out-of-left-field that you can’t help but keep your eyes on it, wondering what will happen next. Maybe watch it once, or ten times to finally digest it. It all happens so fast, I wouldn’t be surprised if the brain couldn’t keep up.
I mean, the colors seem so artificially saturated, not to mention the sudden addition of blood on the banana and the face being so inhumanly odd it’s intriguing.
And the overall weirdness. Of a banana getting surgery.
NINE: There are layers to this. Yeah. Layers to this I couldn’t fathom.
TEN: Well we have all the time in the world to figure it out.
NINE: Do we really want to? I mean, I mean really.
TEN: Good point. Goood point. Some things are better left unanswered.
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JUICE: that got weird very quickly.
TEN: Like it wasn’t weird the first however many times you watched?
JUICE: i love it
TEN: Ah, that makes sense.
JUICE: whered you even FIND this lady
TEN: Not. Telling. Not saying a word. Because then you’ll find the rest and then you’ll torture us with it for the next thousand years.
JUICE: THERE’S MORE?
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TEN: Ah, shit.
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NINE: Not like you to let something slip like that.
TEN: I’m just… I’m just in awe of what humanity has created.
NINE: You’re always the one who says that ‘humans are humans and they’re kind of dumb so we have to accept that.’
TEN: Yeah, yeah. I know that. I do. This was just- before 2026, people still had limited time and they used it
Used it for this?
JUICE: IM GONNA FIND THEM ALL
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TEN: Some people do actually eat their rice with their forks.
NINE: You, You cannot be serious.
TEN: Once again, people like it for the challenge of not getting the small grains to slip through the cracks of the fork.
Or they’re just too lazy.
NINE: … Too lazy.
TEN: They live to be lazy.
NINE: lazy bums.
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