Chapter Text
“…Bin?”
Changbin almost didn’t hear it. Him and Chan had been sitting in their own bunks quietly for the last hour, just relaxing after a long day. He was lucky Changbin had just been reading silently without his headphones on, Chan’s voice being uncharacteristically quiet.
“Yeah, hyung?” Changbin didn't look up from his book, sporting his curly hair and glasses. There was the sound of blankets rustling and a long stretch of silence. Changbin almost thought he wasn't going to get a response.
“…Can I ask you something?” Chan was still so quiet it made Changbin pause, realizing this must be important. A beat passed before he responded.
“You want me to come down there?” Changbin was already bookmarking his page.
“It's not that important,” Chan deflected, but Changbin was climbing down the ladder and sitting on the edge of his bed. Chan was under his blankets, phone on the nightstand. He looked tired. Changbin supposed he had been laying there thinking entirely too much for the last hour.
“What's up?”
Chan buried his face into his pillow, “It might be weird…”
“You know I won’t judge you, hyung.”
Chan just hummed. Changbin waited patiently as his friend seemed to gather his confidence, eventually murmuring, “Do you ever feel like you're a little kid again?”
Changbin made a small sound in consideration, it wasn't the kind of question he was expecting.
“…I guess I might feel like I'm still my younger, trainee self sometimes. If that's what you mean.”
Chan sighed lightly, “No it’s-” He bit his lip, “It's younger than that… like a toddler… or maybe a bit older… I don't know.” There was a long pause before Chan spoke again, “Sorry- It’s nothing-”
“Yah-” Changbin interrupted, “I'm just thinking, hyung, you're fine.”
“…okay.” Chan wouldn't look up from where his face was half buried in his pillow.
“Can you describe this feeling a bit more so I can try to understand?” Changbin turned slightly to rest a hand on Chan's shoulder and rub soothingly. He sighed again. Changbin knew it was just stress relief, not annoyance. And surprisingly, Chan sat up, sitting cross legged with his pillow clutched to his chest.
His hair was sticking up cutely. Chan closed his eyes and leaned into the touch when Changbin smoothed out the strands. It seemed to help him relax a bit. He kept his eyes downcast as he spoke, “You… You know the family codes we do?”
“Mhm.”
“How I’m supposed to act like I'm a five year old… I guess… Well…” Chan huffed out a small nervous laugh, “I guess after some time it… doesn't feel like acting anymore.” Chan squeezed the pillow in his hand, mumbling slightly, “It was more like I was trying to act like an adult actually…”
Changbins gaze lingered on his hyung for a moment before looking into his own lap. Somehow this wasn’t too terribly surprising to him. He was sure they all noticed how well their leader took to his role, but Chan generally seemed to enjoy joking around in a childish manner. Seemed like there may have been something to it after all.
“Well… was it a good feeling?”
“Hm?” Chan finally looked up at Changbin.
“Like, did you enjoy feeling like a kid again?”
“I’m… not sure. It felt a bit scary, honestly, because there were so many people around. I felt fuzzy and weird and… I was worried someone would notice I was acting strange…”
Changbin nodded, “Hm… That makes sense.” Chan was slowly relaxing into the conversation, grateful at how casually Changbin was treating it.
“What if it was just us?”
Chan blinked, “Us?”
“Yeah, just you and me. Maybe you would feel safer and it would be more enjoyable.”
Chan stared at him for a moment before looking down again, “Mm… Maybe it would.”
“If you're cool with it, next time you start to feel that way, come let me know, okay? We can work it out together.”
Chan shifted, fidgeting with the corner of his pillow, “Actually, Bin… I kind of…”
Changbin was quick to put the pieces together, “Oh, do you feel it now? Is that why you wanted to talk about it?” He rubbed a reassuring hand on Chan’s upper back as he hid his face into the pillow. It wasn't enough to hide his embarrassed blush.
He nodded. Changbin couldn't help but think passively that his hyung was cute.
“Alright… Tell me what it’s like then, yeah?” He wasn’t really sure what Chan needed, or if he needed anything at all, but helping him process his own thoughts seemed like a good first step.
Chan turned his head to the side, enough that he was still partially hidden, but could speak clearly enough. “ ‘m… fuzzy again,” Chan’s voice was pitched just slightly higher than usual, a bit slurred, “and ‘m havin’ weird thoughts.”
“Like what?” Changbin worried.
Chan glanced up at him and Changbin could see the apprehension in his eyes before he flicked them down again. Bangs falling over his eyes as he whispered, “Wanna cuddle with Binnie-hyung…”
Changbin’s eyes widened at the title and his heart melted, suddenly understanding that what Chan really needed right now was reassurance and safety. This was just his brain's way of acquiring it.
“Alright,” Chan met his eyes, looking so hopeful it nearly broke Changbin’s heart. “Let's cuddle,” he smiled fondly at his leader who broke into a shy grin and nodded into his pillow, “Make some room, yeah? I just want to grab something.”
Chan did as he was told, scooching himself against the wall. The bunks weren’t big, but were luckily big enough for two people to lay close together. Changbin quickly took off his glasses and placed them on Chan’s nightstand before reaching up into his bunk for something, as well as switching off his reading light.
When he brought the object into sight Chan gasped. Changbin couldn’t help but laugh lightly at the reaction, “I thought Gyu would like to join us as well.”
Chan just nodded enthusiastically and reached his arms out from below the blankets. Changbin easily passed him over and climbed into the bed while he watched Chan pull the stuffed Pokémon to his chest, rubbing his face against the soft fabric. He recalled Chan doing the same thing to a wolfchan plushie during a recent live. Must be a sensory thing.
Settling beside his leader he gently asked, “How do you wanna be held?” Chan hummed, a pause for thought, before he softly pushed on Changbin’s shoulder to get him to lay on his back.
He went easily and soon Chan was shuffling forward on his side to rest his head on Changbin’s shoulder, closer to his chest where it was soft, wrapping his arm over Changbin’s torso, Gyu squished between them. One of Chan’s legs made its way over the other man’s own and he squirmed a bit before deciding he was comfy. Changbin’s arm that was under his hyungs head came to rest on Chan’s back and his opposite arm held the one thrown over his midsection. He smiled, it was sweet.
“Mm too heavy?” Chan’s murmur pulled Changbin out of his thoughts.
“No, Channie, I’ll tell you if my arm falls asleep, alright?”
“Mm,” Chan’s eyes fell closed, feeling soft… feeling content. He loved how Changbin knew he would still worry if he’d just said no, that he would be honest with him. It made him feel like he could trust that he wasn't weirding him out… that he was allowed to feel safe.
“Th’nk you, hyung” the smallest little murmur passed his lips and Changbin felt a warmth bloom in his chest. Pride, affection, and happiness that Chan seemed so relaxed for once. He gently rubbed his thumb along the back of Chan’s arm.
“Of course,” he murmured back, before placing a soft kiss to the crown of Chan’s head.