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Chapter Text

Arthur Fleck didn’t expect himself to be transported to a whimsical world of bright colors and fun adventures, but it happened anyway. As a comedian-turned-criminal, he was more used to the gritty, stone-cold reality that was Gotham City. Arthur nervously glanced at his new home, which looked like an auditorium. He looked at the 5 other people in this world: a crying young woman named The Concept of Theater (TCOT), Ollivander from Harry Potter, Jax from The Amazing Digital Circus, a redheaded woman named Anne, and 3X0-8L, a grumpy cyborg who had a feminine voice.

Suddenly, Toothy Maw, the multiversal ringmaster, materialized out of thin air and said, “Oh my god! It seems that someone new has joined us!”

“What’s going on? Who are you? Where am I?” Arthur inquired.

Anne calmly walked up to the supervillain, and explained, “OK, we’ve all experienced this. You need to calm dow—”

Arthur Fleck suddenly shouted, “What the fuck just happened?!”

Toothy Maw came down from above, and told Arthur Fleck, “This is a group enjoyed by everyone! You have wandered into a whimsical world where anything can happen!”

“How can I leave?” inquired the joker.

“You can’t,” Jax answered rudely.

“What?” replied the joker.

3X0-8L the cyborg said, “Shut up, Jax. He’s correct, you can’t leave. Welcome to your new home.”

Clearly nervous, Arthur Fleck asked, “A new home? What do you mean?”

“We’ve been stuck here for years,” Jax replied. Pointing at the old man hiding in his wand shop, Jax further elaborated, “Ollivander’s supposedly been here the longest. That’s why he’s crazy!”

The wizard briefly emerged from his shop, uttered something about wandlore, and then left. The joker panicked for a moment, then returned to normal. He was still new to this realm, and thought it was nothing more than a lucid dream. Everyone else stared at him, silently thinking about how stupid he was.

“They trashed my latest comedic play,” The Concept of Theater tearfully uttered as she looked down at the ground crying. Jax casually walked up and slapped her in the face, and she continued to cry as the lilac rabbit walked away.

“So, Toothy Maw, do we have a new adventure today for the newbie or what?” Jax asked the floating, big-toothed ringmaster.

“First, I’d like to give our new member a tour of the campus!” he said. Toothy Maw quickly grabbed Arthur and took him outside the auditorium.

Pointing at the big tent, he narrated, “Here, we have the Hub. This is where you’ll live and engage in many other activities!” He then showed the supervillain the Pastures.

“Go jump into Pig Lake, or have fun at the Festival!”

“Is that all?”

“No!”

The two were rapidly transported to an infinite black void. “And here we have the Abyss! We never go to the Abyss. I cannot even comprehend the things out there,” explained the ringmaster.

They teleported back to the Hub, where the joker vomited. Suddenly, Bill (Toothy Maw’s assistant) appeared out of nowhere, and was slowly cleaning up the mess.

Still dazed after his tour, Arthur asked, “Is there a way to leave?”

“What exit? If there was a way to leave, I’m pretty sure we would’ve all left by now,” Jax retorted.

Suddenly, the lilac rabbit was being choked by 3X0-8L. Toothy Maw quickly glanced. Seeing that Bill was done cleaning up Arthur’s vomit, he explained, “I have already said that there’s no exit. You’re likely hallucinating!”

“I think I fou—”

“HALLUCINATIONS!”

The ringmaster quickly turned away from Arthur Fleck and stared off into the distance, and floated higher.

“Since you’re new here, I would like to make a basic indoor adventure to further introduce you to our lifestyle!” he told Arthur Fleck from above.

“No, I don’t like indoor adventures!” 3X0-8L protested.

The ringmaster then went on stage and said, “Today’s adventure is: FIND THE FOXES! The entire Hub will be plagued with foxes, and you’ve gotta gather them all! Good luck and have fun, my shining diamonds!” He then vanished into thin air.

Arthur Fleck stared for a while, and then asked, “What did any of that shit mean?”.

“Well, that’s one of Toothy Maw’s adventures. They’re something fun to do to prevent us from going insane,” Anne explained to the supervillain.

Refusing to participate in today's adventure, 3X0-8L was suddenly disassembled by the foxes. “Ahhh! Somebody help!” they screamed.

“Oh no, they killed 3X0-8L,” Jax commented.

“Wait! We can go check on Chukmo. Pretty sure he would like to meet Arthur,” Anne told everyone. “You want to check in on Chukmo?” she asked the wizard.

The foxes quickly destroyed the wand shop. Ollivander walked over to Anne and her friends and said, “No, not really. I think he’s gone mad. The last time I conversed with him, he was always ranting about an exit. He was kind of like you, Mr. Fleck. You might be going mad as well.”

“Wait! Does that fucking mean that an exit exists?” questioned the joker.

“I’m fine with doing whatever, as long as I get to see funny things happen to people,” Jax said.

Suddenly, a wild fox jumped, bit him in the head, and ran away. “OK, I’ve already had enough of these things,” the lilac rabbit grumbled angrily.

He pointed at Anne and laid out his plan. “You, me, and Arthur will go check on Chukmo,” he explained, then pointing at The Concept of Theater and Ollivander, “which leaves crybaby and hoo-ha together to go handle the 3X0-8L situation.” Even though Jax thought pairing both a dramatic, often sad young woman with the best wandmaker on Earth (who was at least 110 years old) would work, reality said otherwise. Ollivander visibly shivered as TCOT watched, startled with a permanent feeling of tragedy on her face. After organizing their plan, Jax, Anne, and the supervillain headed on their way to look for their clown friend.

“They ruined my comedic play again,” the actress uttered tearfully as she looked at Ollivander.

Jax, Anne and Arthur arrived at the residential corridor. The hall looked nothing like the auditorium. Its walls were made of amber and were lined with paintings, as well as the doors of its occupants past and present.

“This is where all of us live and sleep. It’s nice to relax and have a routine, you know? I’m sure they’ll be one for—” Anne explained to the joker as they strolled through the hall. The trio stopped at Arthur Fleck’s door. It was a plain dark oak door, save for the picture of his face. For no reason, the criminal laughed uncontrollably.

The supervillain questioned, “I still don’t understand the purpose of these adventures. Why even go on them? Why not leave?”

“When we first arrive, we typically try to escape. After a while, you begin to realize that you really can’t leave, and constant idealization will start driving you insane,” Anne explained. She grew visibly paranoid and continued, “eventually, you get to ask what the point of anything is, and you lose sight of your identity, and why you even exist. When you reach your melting point, something truly awful can happen!” By the time she finished explaining to the joker about the dark truth of this world, the trio had reached Chukmo’s room. “That’s nothing we can deal with today! Adventures give us something to do in order for our minds to stay active!”

“Thank goodness this is all a dream, right, Arthur?” Jax said sarcastically. But the criminal stared blankly out into space. The lilac rabbit slapped him twice to wake the joker out of his daze.

Arthur asked, “Huh? Why are we here again? What the fuck are we doing again?”

Anne reminded the criminal, “We’re here to pick up one of our friends.” After knocking on Chukmo’s door, there was no response. Anne wondered if he was alright.

Jax said, “I’ve got a key to his room,” and confidently walked towards the door. “I have keys to everywhere. By the way, I may have left something in your room, so let me know if you find it. You’re not scared of spiders, are you?” the lilac rabbit told Anne.

She asked, “Jax, that’s the only thing I’m scared of! Why would you do this?!”

“What?! It could be a completely unrelated question. You never know until it’s too late,” Jax sarcastically retorted. The lilac rabbit opened Chukmo’s door and was shocked by what he saw.

In the darkness of Chukmo’s bedroom, the words WHERE’S THE EXIT? were scrawled everywhere. In the center stood a tall, glitchy mass of a creature, so far removed from his goofy persona. The creature looked like a red crocodile with a pixelated texture, with its limbs scattered randomly. The corruption said nothing while Jax dashed away to safety.

Anne and Arthur gazed at it, trembling in fear as the redhead uttered, “Oh! Chukmo’s corrupted!”

“What…the fuck…is that thing?”

“Remember that awful thing that happens when you reach your melting point?”

And just when it couldn’t get any worse, its head peeked out of the door and jumped on Anne. Arthur rapidly averted the red alligator. The redhead, looking more frightened by the second, was thrown rapidly across the corridor. She crawled towards him and uttered, “Arthur, could you help me?”

She touched his right hand, which became patchy and corrupted. Appalled, Arthur rushed back to the auditorium, fearing for his life. Chukmo’s corrupted self chased the supervillain in response. Hiding behind an arch, the red alligator fell head first onto the floor, where it scurried away. The joker quickly glanced at his surroundings, and saw no signs of Toothy Maw. He continued running away.

Meanwhile, Ollivander and The Concept of Theater were inside the hole where they were looking for 3X0-8L (as the wizard Apparated alongside her). Jax found them and leapt into it. The trio entered a grotto and looked at the Fox Queen devouring her latest victim. She was a massive red fox with a crown she wore on her head.

“Gregorovitch?” the wandmaster asked confusedly.

Arthur Fleck was meandering the now-empty residential corridor, reeling from his encounter with Chukmo.

“Hello? Anne?” he called out. “I didn’t mean to leave you behind…just look at my hand. I have no idea what to do.”

Looking pixelated, Anne quickly glanced at his right hand, and told him, “It’s fine! What you need to do right now is find Toothy Maw! He’ll be able to heal your hand and take care of Chukmo.”

“Where do I find him?”

“I don’t know, just take a look around.”

“I’ll find him. Just…stay right there! I’ll be right back, I swear.”

“Arthur, I’m sorry your first day here was…horrible.”

“Don’t you worry, I’ll go find him now,” the joker said as he ran off to find help.

He rushed toward the balcony as he called out, “Hello? We have a problem here!”

After briefly glancing at his surroundings, he traveled around the Hub, hoping to find that ringmaster who would save the day.

"Toothy Maw?" Arthur Fleck cried out. But there was no response.

The red alligator saw Arthur through his blurry eyes and continued pursuing him.

Meanwhile, The Concept of Theater, Ollivander and Jax were in the cave, still gazing at the giant fox.

“What foolish mortal dares disturb the presence of the Fox Queen?”

“Oh, is that who you are? You know you could’ve asked me for my consent before forcing me to see something so completely and utterly disgusting,” Jax replied.

“How cruel! A lilac rabbit has defamed my royal appearance!”

Just as Ollivander was about to talk to the Fox Queen, he spotted 3X0-8L’s head being carried away by foxes. They screamed for help.

“Kinda rude, 3X0-8L. Now I don’t wanna help you,” Jax told the dismembered cyborg.

Ollivander pointed his wand and shouted, “Accio 3X0-8L’s head!” He saw it come hurtling towards him, and caught it safely in his hands.

Back in the auditorium, Arthur Fleck was still being chased by the red alligator.

“Holy shit, I must hide.”

Despite this, he paused briefly at a mirror. He gazed at his red tuxedo and pants, yellow shirt, green bowtie, clown face paint and dark green hair, before rushing away to a barrel of monkeys. Upon shooting it with his gun, twenty-four monkeys burst out, scattering themselves around the Hub. Just when Arthur thought he was safe, Chukmo turned around and saw the supervillain, though the red alligator later left.

“Where the fuck is Toothy Maw?”

Then something unexpected appeared.

It was a red door with the word EXIT printed in black on the front. Arthur Fleck stared at the door for a minute, suspended in disbelief. Without hesitation, he opened it and walked in. The room on the other side was nothing like the colorful, whimsical realm of the Hub. It was an empty office waiting room. He saw another door that looked identical to the first one. He wandered through the endless liminal hallways, looking for assistance. Unfortunately, the first door was swiftly erased from existence. In the auditorium, Chukmo killed a fox.

In the grotto, The Concept of Theater, Ollivander and Jax were busy confronting the Fox Queen.

“You fools!” she blurted. “Do you fail to realize that everything is foxes? I am foxes! You will be foxes! God will be foxes!”

Jax said, “I’m not here for the adventure or anything, I’m just here to hide from th—”.

Suddenly, the auditorium floor collapsed, causing a red alligator to fall on the Fox Queen, rendering her unconscious.

“What’s happening?” a frightened TCOT asked.

“It’s just Chukmo. Don’t worry about it,” Jax replied.

“Chukmo corrupted?! NOOOOOOOOO!”

The lilac rabbit, still in denial, said otherwise.

3X0-8L’s head pointed in the direction of the stairs, which the gang used to leave the cave.

Arthur was still roaming around the endless hallways. The rooms were so realistic, he thought he was back home in Gotham City. More empty waiting rooms came and went until he stopped in a room filled with empty cubicles. He longingly gazed at an inactive computer and bellowed maniacally. He opened yet another door, but this hallway was devoid of anything. He strided down the hall until he found the last door. Without hesitation, he opened it and leapt into the void. He was static, yet conscious.

During all this time, Toothy Maw and his assistant Bill were having lunch, oblivious to the recent chaos. An alarm on his CrazyClock went off, notifying him that Arthur Fleck was trapped in the Abyss. The big-toothed man in his blue tuxedo quickly retrieved him. Despite this, the joker was still staring eternally.

“Toothy Maw!” Ollivander shouted. “Chukmo…corrupted!”

“Why did no one inform me?” the ringmaster asked the wizard.

He teleported the red alligator and shouted, “THIS IS THE CIRCUUUUUS!!!”, before banishing the red alligator in slow motion to the Basement forever.

3X0-8L’s headless body held its own head, and put it back on.

“I always thought you would be next to corrupt, Ollivander,” said the cyborg.

Jax snappily retorted, “Guess it just goes to show you that you can’t rely on Ollivander for anything.”

Anne, who crawled all the way from the residential corridor to the auditorium, was still pixelated.

“Toothy Maw!” she glitchily yelped.

The ringmaster snapped his fingers, instantly curing her glitchiness and Arthur’s right hand.

“I have to apologize for lying about the exit. I know people want one, though I never finished it. You defeated the Fox Queen, so the adventure is over,” the ringleader explained. “Your reward is a delicious banquet cooked by Bill, our best chef.”

His assistant commented, “Made with all the best ingredients!”

Though physically safe, Arthur was traumatized by what had just happened.

During the banquet, Arthur looked at his dish: a piece of steak, carrots, slices of bread and some sprouts. He now knew that this was his new home, but what he didn’t know was that his greatest adventures had yet to begin.

Chapter Text

Arthur Fleck slowly opened his eyes and saw that he was standing in the middle of the empty auditorium. He glanced and shouted, “Hello?”.

His body wobbled for no reason. He walked forward and realized something was horribly wrong. The first few notes of “That’s Life” by Frank Sinatra were playing in slow-motion. Arthur briefly stared off for a moment before looking at his left arm, which was red and corrupted. He screamed in terror. He tried to get away, but it was no use, as the floor became an endless pit. As he fell forevermore, he could see the three silhouettes of Jax, Anne and Toothy Maw on the other side.

“IT LOOKS LIKE OUR NEW MEMBER HAS ALREADY BEEN CORRUPTED!” the ringmaster said. “I hope you find peace in the next life.”

“Guess we aren’t all suited for it,” Anne replied.

Jax commented, “I don’t even remember his name, honestly.”

The joker, however, was powerless to resist his fate as he faded into the darkness.

The criminal woke up from his nightmare and was launched across his bedroom. He groaned as he inched towards the door.

“Hi, Arthur. Did you sleep well?” the kindly voice of Anne inquired.

"So that's what happens if I lose my sanity... I must be careful," Arthur whispered to himself.

The supervillain silently opened his door, still concerned.

“There you are! Sorry if yesterday was a mess. You’re safe,” Anne told the joker. Arthur left his room cackling and joined everyone else in the auditorium.

“Today’s quest is: DIAMOND WAGON CHAOS!” Toothy Maw explained on stage. "The town of Diamond Canyon, Utah, has lost their most precious resource to cowboys: gold! It’s up to you to bring those outlaws to justice!” His assistant Bill said something offensive, much to the ringmaster’s dismay.

3X0-8L, of course, chose not to participate.

“So fun! Any thoughts, Arthur?” chirped Anne.

“Basically, our fucking existence here is nothing more than a shitty game?” asked the joker.

“Don’t just stand there, everyone! Diamond Canyon needs you now!” Toothy Maw blurted as he teleported the gang to the place of today’s adventure.

A stagecoach carrying our heroes trotted down the dirt road. When it entered Diamond Canyon, all of its citizens loudly cheered at the newcomers. Then, the horse-drawn carriage stopped in the middle of the town square. After hopping off, our heroes headed towards the town hall. Everyone (especially Anne, Ollivander, and The Concept of Theater) was basking in the awe of Diamond Canyon, until a man accidentally bumped into the actress, who suddenly became gloomy.

“LOOK! IT'S THE MAYOR!” he shouted.

Mayor Lewis emerged from the town house in all her glory.

“You must be the brave sheriffs sent to assist us with our recent crisis,” she said diplomatically.

“That’s us, Mayor. Nice town, by the way,” Anne replied.

“I presume you’ve already been informed of your task. The outlaws robbed us of our gold with their 1905 Packard Model TA, so I figured that the best way to fight them was to grant you and your friends a truck of your own.”

“What era is this again?” Arthur Fleck asked.

Our heroes left Diamond Canyon on their truck, with TCOT at the lead and Jax calling shotgun. Mayor Lewis bid them farewell.

Meanwhile, on the outskirts of town, Cooper Wayne (the leader of the outlaws) was camping with his buddies Tom Doody and Sam Marston. The leader was surveying the landscape through his binoculars.

“You think his mother’s gonna be stable if we return to the village?” Tom asked Sam.

“Of course, partner!” the short outlaw replied.

Cooper stopped and explained, “We won’t know ‘till we return. She’s a fighter; she taught me everything.”

He continued surveying the land with his binoculars until he noticed our heroes driving their truck towards them.

“Looks like they sent someone after us!” he shouted. The trio hopped on their truck and drove away.

Our heroes were driving up to fight the outlaws.

“Alright, The Concept of Theater. When we catch up to ‘em, I’ll jump over, crawl inside and shoot ‘em repeatedly until they’re unrecognizable,” Jax explained.

“I feel like your plan is flawed.”

“You’re violating my ears with your clapback. GET DRIVING, DRIVER!”

Anne, Arthur Fleck and Ollivander were in the back row.

The redhead explained, “Arthur, I’m sure you can help out. Maybe when we gain on them, we coul—”.

“Be assertive, like this!” Jax interrupted as he strangled the joker and was shoved him to the left side of the truck.

The two trucks caught up, and Arthur threw a rope across. He struggled to keep himself together as he crossed it. Jax found a bazooka, and just as he was about to fire at the outlaws, the tightrope snapped, leaving Arthur to deal with them. The criminal fired three shots with his gun.

“Nice going, Arthur. Now I have no bridge,” the lilac rabbit said on the other side.

He suddenly fired his bazooka, hitting Sam with a fatal blow. The short bandit with his red shirt and leather jacket was bleeding, and suffered even more injuries as the outlaws’ Packard ventured through some rough terrain.

“Ooh, now we’re cookin’!” Jax exclaimed excitedly. “Hey, TCOT! Up and at ‘em! Aren’t you supposed to be submissive and agreeable? Move it!”

By this point, our heroes’ truck had also hit some rough land as it visibly rattled, much to the bandits’ delight. Sam Marston, who had just barely survived his injuries, slowly climbed up the safety rope. As for Ollivander and Anne, their heads suffered a stabbing pain.

“Hey, TCOT. You should ram into ‘em,” Jax told her.

“Don’t ram them, J—."

“Do it, it’ll be epic. Do it, or I’ll tell Anne about the figurine thing.”

The Concept of Theater reluctantly complied with his demands and laughed artificially.

The resulting ram almost knocked the supervillain off of the outlaws’ truck.

“Are you freaks trying to fucking kill me?” Arthur screamed.

Tom was firing Maxim guns at our heroes, while Sam was on the brink of death.

“Guess I have to tell Anne about the whole figurine thing now,” Jax said.

Ollivander grabbed an anchor and attempted to throw it onto the other truck, so he shouted, “Wingardium Leviosa!” as he tried to give it to Arthur.

However, the anchor hit the bottom of a cliff, causing the heroes’ truck to bump into the outlaw’s truck, striking Anne in the chest as blood oozed out of her. Both trucks catapulted into the sky and fell like meteors. The bandits’ truck was nowhere in sight.

Jax told TCOT, “I blame you for this,” as everybody fell to a rocky grave, or so it seemed.

Cooper Wayne screamed endlessly as he noclipped below the world. He hit Utah teapots and spontaneously combusting horses. He landed at the bottom of what looked like an endless cavern.

“Partners?”, the bandit leader called out. But there was no response. “Hello?”.

He continued walking down its narrow passageways and noticed something strange in the grotto. Still looking for help, he entered, and was shocked by what he saw.

Inside the grotto were realistic, albeit lifeless replicas of everyone he knew, from Mayor Lewis to himself and his bandit friends. Also in the replica collection was a coyote awkwardly holding a rifle and what looked like a little girl wearing a cowboy hat with a white face, brown hair, red-and-blue skin, and a tail. He walked over to the statue of himself, which held a book called The Truth About Cowboys. He briefly gazed at his replica and grabbed it. After reading about how his life was nothing more than an elaborate fabrication, he experienced an existential crisis.

Arthur Fleck fell from a Utah teapot and hit the rocky floor.

“Where are we? What’s all this?” questioned Cooper, who was now fully immersed in the matter.

“I have no fucking clue. Somewhere underground, I think…”

“Why aren’t you up there with any of your partners?”

“Maybe we’re not NPCs?”

“What do you mean, NPCs? What are you folks? What even am I? Where’s Mom?”

“You…have a mom?”

“Shouldn’t she be here? I can’t even remember what she looked like. Is anything real?”

“I think there’s a way to launch up to the surface.”

“Tell me exactly what I am.”

Meanwhile, the rest of our heroes were stuck at the bottom of the cliff alongside their ruined truck.

“Everyone alright?” Anne asked.

“No,” replied TCOT.

“Poor Arthur. I hope he’s safe.”

“Poor Arthur? How about poor us?” Jax rudely interrupted as he popped out of the truck’s ruins. Ollivander emerged from the truck’s ruins as he Apparated everyone to safety.

“Reparo!” the wizard shouted as he flawlessly reconstructed their truck.

“Vulnera Sanentur!” the wandmaster chanted as he healed Anne’s massive chest wound.

Suddenly, the bandits’ truck fell into the deep gorge. Tom stood on the top of the truck holding Sam’s corpse, weeping silently.

Back underneath the map, Arthur Fleck and Cooper were trying to find a way out. The supervillain walked over to the sorrowful cowboy, attempting to cheer him up.

“You want to talk about it?” Arthur asked.

“No. I’m nothing. My life is a lie.”

“This is weird coming from the words of Gotham City’s worst nightmare, but I know how you feel. Feeling depressed is normal. People feel like that in my world as well,” Arthur explained to Cooper. “In fact, it was the reason why I turned to a life of crime and became the Joker. Don’t you care about your partners?”

“We’re all just born to be defeated.”

“I would like you to join us. I’m sure you would make a great member and friend.”

Cured of his dread, the cowboy accepted the joker’s offer, under the condition that he would never tell his partners-in-crime about this.

“What’s your name?”

“Cooper Wayne.”

Just as they started to make their way towards the spare truck, Arthur noticed a black, bat-shaped figure looming near him. It jumped down and a loud thud could be heard. It was…Batman! He started throwing batarangs at the supervillain that had been indirectly responsible for the ruthless murder of his parents so many years before. Immediately, he pounced upon Arthur Fleck, while Cooper could only stand around and watch. Fighting back, the wannabe comedian-turned-criminal dodged the batarangs and fired several shots from his gun, all of which hit the Caped Crusader squarely in the chest. It fell on the floor as its helmet came off to reveal Arthur’s face. The supervillain, shocked at the sight that his worst nemesis was himself, just bellowed menacingly as the Batman vision started to quickly fade away. Both Arthur Fleck and Cooper Wayne quickly made their way to the spare truck.

Arthur, trying to activate the vehicle, told Cooper, “I don’t know what the fuck to do here. If it fails to hotwire, then we’ll try some other shit.”

“You’re the expert here.”

“I’m not, so I’m hoping for the best.”

The supervillain turned the key, and the spare truck was rapidly thrusted into the air and out of the endless cavern, past the teapots, spontaneously combusting horses, the demon babies, a man yelling “Shaun!” forever, floating sharks and a ladder goat. Arthur Fleck and Cooper Wayne were now free at last.

Having brought the outlaws to the sweet wrath of justice, our heroes headed back on their way to Diamond Canyon with both trucks in tow.

“Gotta say, this is a lot more anticlimactic than I was hoping it would be,” Jax commented.

“What did you expect?” asked TCOT.

“You know, like one big final battle, bloodshed, death, chaos…whatever.”

“You sure they vanished?” Anne questioned Tom and the now-lifeless Sam.

“I don’t know for sure, but yes,” the tall, yellow-vested cowboy replied, “It’s strange.”

“That’s quite concerning.”

“When the worst comes, you can ask Toothy Maw…or the Aurors to find him,” Ollivander said.

Suddenly, The Concept of Theater and Jax noticed a third truck emerging out of nowhere. It landed in front of the heroes. Arthur and a queasy Cooper emerged from the third truck, with the latter vomiting.

“Howdy, boss! Where have you been?” asked Tom Doody.

“You don’t need to know,” replied the green-shirted leader.

Everyone else thought Cooper joining them was a good idea. The leader let Tom and the now-dead Sam go back to the village.

“I am so unbelievably disappointed right now,” Jax mumbled.

“Maybe, there will be more death and chaos next time,” Anne said encouragingly.

“Ugh! Let’s take this dumb truck to the dumb city, I guess!”

Shortly after that, they reached the jubilant town of Diamond Canyon. Every resident of the town cheered.

“Thanks to your help, our town will survive this Panic! It was not easy for you, I’m sure,” Mayor Lewis said optimistically.

“You have no idea,” Jax reluctantly answered.

“Farewell, my sheriffs! Hope you have fun killing the outlaws!”

“Love to help you again sometime, bye!”

“WELCOME HOME!” Toothy Maw excitedly blurted as our heroes stepped out of the portal.

“So this is the big tent? I am gonna love this place,” Cooper commented.

Suddenly, Toothy Maw snapped his fingers, and the cowboy disappeared from existence. Arthur could only watch helplessly.

“WHAT THE FUCK?!” shouted the joker furiously, pointing his gun at the ringmaster. Arthur creepily chuckled.

The big-toothed man explained, “I can’t tell the difference between who’s real and who’s an NPC. When I lose track between the two, only the worst things can happen.” Toothy Maw then awarded our superstars one of the trucks used in today’s adventure.

Shortly afterwards, the club held a funeral to remember Chukmo, the former member who had corrupted the day prior. Everyone except Jax attended, outraged at the loss of one of his dearest friends. Arthur reflected, realizing that maybe he was no longer the mentally ill loner that people saw him as.

Chapter Text

Arthur Fleck was holding his breath, surrounded by his peers. Suddenly, he gasped for air.

“I can’t do this anymore!” cried the supervillain.

“Sure you can! We can’t die from oxygen deprivation, remember?” Jax retorted.

“Still feels that way.”

“Try not to think of it,” Ollivander replied.

The lilac rabbit blurted, “Or you could toughen up! I wanna see what your funny cartoon body does.” He walked up to Arthur and quickly yanked his right arm.

“Hey! Take it easy!” yelled Anne, as the aspiring comedian-turned-criminal slapped himself in the face.

Suddenly, Toothy Maw appeared, floating magically.

“Why is everyone slacking off when adventure is out there?” asked the big-toothed man.

He went to the stage and announced, “Today’s quest is: THE ENIGMA OF CHILLINGHAM CASTLE! This colossal castle is a hotspot of supernatural phenomena! It’s up to you to get to the bottom of the castle’s mysteries, and catch all the ghosts you can!”

Suddenly, he noticed 3X0-8L was absent. “Where are they? I designed this adventure for them,” he said.

Bill told Toothy Maw in Nodnolese, “Can’t wait for the kids to experience nightmares.”

“What?”, questioned the big-toothed ringleader.

“Are the NPCs gonna become self-aware pieces of shit in this adventure?” questioned Arthur.

“I’m really not in charge, but I am somehow!” the ringmaster replied as he laughed crazily. He opened a portal and teleported our heroes to Chillingham Castle.

The lone castle glowed supernaturally, and it looked menacing on a dark and stormy night as haunting music serenaded the night. The crimson moonlight shined from above as our heroes walked through one of its candlelit rooms. Portraits of the Berkeley family graced its walls.

“Spoopy! How dedicated is Toothy Maw with the fear factor?” inquired Anne.

Arthur replied, “I fucking hope this isn’t another nightmare quest. I don’t like horror mo—”.

“Boo!” Jax shouted as he jumpscared the joker. “Come on! That wasn’t even scary! What, are you scared of the net, too?”

“Be nice! He’s had a few rough days!” the redhead advised Jax.

“Him and everybody else, right, TCOT?” the lilac rabbit said.

Our heroes stopped, and suddenly, a witch cackled.

The Concept of Theater asked, “Anybody hear that?” as she stared at the chandelier in the middle of the room.

The cackling became a playful laugh as a ghost popped out of nowhere.

“Greetings! I’m the Blue Boy!” the small apparition said, “I’m your guide now!”.

Arthur Fleck just looked at him in shock.

“The left door is normal, while the door on the right is not for the fai—.”

Just as the little ghost was finishing his sentence, the lilac rabbit caught him up with his net.

“Jax!” uttered Anne.

“What? I thought we were supposed to capture all the ghosts,” he replied.

“Which door should we enter?” questioned TCOT.

“Hm. Not sure. Let’s try this out,” replied Jax.

He threw his net at the left door, which caused a supernatural force to suck Arthur Fleck and Ollivander down to the darkest depths of the castle. Arthur screamed loudly. Jax soon realized that the Blue Boy had lied to them all.

Meanwhile, Toothy Maw was roaming around the Hub looking for 3X0-8L. He snapped his fingers, and the cyborg with a feminine voice was immediately teleported in front of him.

“Why did you have to do this?” inquired the cyborg.

“I just want to know why you skip all my remarkable quests,” the big-toothed ringmaster explained. “You’ve been hurting Bill’s feelings for a while.”

“Bill’s feelings?”

“Let me focus on your feelings.”

He snapped his fingers and a therapists’ office appeared, with 3X0-8L sitting on the couch.

“Is there anything on your mind?”

“I would…rather not disc—”.

“Go on.”

“I’ve told you about my problem several times. You just seem to forget about it.”

“My mind is more open now,” the ringmaster responded. “What could I do to make these quests more engaging?”

“This happens every single time! The only thing you ever care about are your adventures!”

Meanwhile, Arthur Fleck and Ollivander were in the castle's trophy room. While the joker groaned, the supercentenarian remained surprisingly alert, unusual for a person his age. He saw the mounted heads of characters from across the multiverse. But one head stood out from the rest. The Monster had smooth dark-gray skin, complete with unmoving crimson eyes. Ollivander walked up to the head, wondering what it was.

Suddenly, a dismembered voice emanated out of nowhere.

“Salutations, I am Lord Berkeley,” it narrated. “Bounty hunting has been my obsession since my youth. The Monster you see is the pride of my collection, and I have seeked it for years. It’s human, yet not a savage beast. Protecting my family was foremost, so that if and when I slew it, I would be liberated from this nightmarish feeling. I was wrong.”

Arthur Fleck and Ollivander briefly paused before realizing they were lost.

“Is there a way back up?” the joker asked. He found a door nearby and tried to unlock it. But it was no use. “I like these adventures.”

Lord Berkeley started narrating his diary, “Sunday, April 21. Though I slew The Monster, my troubles were just starting. I looked away from The Monster’s body for just one second, but the next, it vanished out of existence. The Monster was not deceased, seeking vengeance on my noble family, and it took everything from me.” The entry concluded with a few words of caution: “I need to tell you one thing only: never take your eyes off of the monster.” Little did they know it, but both Arthur Fleck and the wandmaster were about to be jumpscared again.

It roared to life, threatening to kill everyone in its sight.

“FUCK!” screamed Arthur Fleck.

“Stupefy!” Ollivander shouted.

The Monster was stunned by the wizard’s spell, and stood still. Thinking it was dead, Ollivander and the joker dashed down the stairs to safety.

Back in the auditorium, Toothy Maw and 3X0-8L were in the midst of a therapy session.

“I do NOT use my quests to torture anybody! Any pain inflicted is accidental!”

“We weren't even talking about that! I don’t care!”

“What is your problem, 3X0-8L?”

“I’m trying my best!”

Suddenly, the cyborg revealed something that was hitherto unknown to the ringmaster: they had gender dysphoria, and identified as non-binary.

“I hate myself, and I don’t like this body. I need to find something that fits, even when I first joined.”

However, the big-toothed man wanted to get back to discussing the alleged problems with his adventures.

“Toothy Maw, no one likes your dumb sidequests,” 3X0-8L admitted. “Anne’s too nice to say anything about it, Jax just likes to fuck with everybody, The Concept of Theater’s too sad and introverted to speak up, Ollivander’s crazy, and Arthur Fleck…he just stares off blankly into space when he returns.”

“Oh, 3X0-8L! Questcrafting is my specialty. It’s my sole purpose of existing.”

The ringmaster appeared to glitch out for some reason. Toothy Maw officially ended the therapy session.

Having narrowly escaped death from The Monster, Arthur Fleck and Ollivander were stuck in the dungeon of Chillingham Castle.

“Where the fuck are we now?” grumbled the joker.

“Not sure, most likely a dungeon,” replied Ollivander.

The dismembered voice returned again, stating, “Everything was worse than I had foreseen. My obsession devoured me to the point that I was no longer the guardian my wife and daughter needed, pointing a rifle to every shadow and noise.” Lord Berkeley continued, “Much like the Greek tragedies of old, I ended up killing my wife, thinking she was The Monster. Ironic. I could save others from the creature, but not myself. Now I linger in the dungeon, with nothing to protect, save for my corpse.”

Suddenly, The Monster reemerged from the shadows, threatening to kill everyone it came into contact with as it screeched like a banshee.

“Avada Kedavra!” Ollivander quickly shouted.

A flash of green light came flying towards The Monster, and just as quickly as it appeared, it died.

“That was a close one, lad!” exclaimed the old man.

“Which I would have shouted, but I did not know that The Monster was one of Satan’s minions, and that any foolish mortal who kills one will be sent to the sulphur-laden, merciless realm of Hell, where I reside. I apologize for any inconvenience. The next breath you take underneath will be your last,” Lord Berkeley explained.

“What?” questioned Ollivander.

Zombie arms quickly grabbed the legs of Arthur Fleck and the wandmaker, dragging them down to Hades’ realm.

“FUCK YOU, TOOTHY MAW!” Arthur shouted.

“Welcome to the Great Beyond!” a deep, booming voice bellowed.

By this point, the rest of the gang were almost finished with the quest. Anne and The Concept of Theater were sipping tea with the ghost of Lady Mary Berkeley, wanting to uncover the dark secrets lying within the castle. Jax was ensnared by a rope, with a piece of duct tape covering his mouth. He let out a muffled scream, wanting to be free.

“Sorry about your husband killing you,” Anne told the friendly spirit.

“All men have the most comical of priorities,” Mary bluntly replied. “If you all see him, I only hope he doesn’t lull you to sleep with his endless rants.”

“I’ll ask him the next time we find him. Thanks for chatting with us.”

Our heroes all made their way back to the main entrance, thinking the adventure was over.

“CONGRATULATIONS! You chose the good ending!” said Toothy Maw’s dismembered voice. “But before you can leave, we must wait for the rest of your team to complete the quest.”

Ollivander and Arthur Fleck were now surrounded by mounds of fire and brimstone.

“HELP! I am in goddamn hell right now!” called out the joker.

“My dear boy, I survived the Battle of Malfoy Manor. I am confident that Toothy Maw has created an exit for us.” he told the joker. “I’m worried about what Lord Berkeley told us earlier, ‘the next breath you take underneath will be your last.’”

As the two of them walked towards the exit, the old man could see a magical force field that hindered them from going further.

However, Arthur Fleck ignored his advice, walked right through the field, instantly becoming possessed. He dashed towards the wizard, thinking he was a cop, with his gun cocked, as his possessed voice said, “Hey! How’s your daughter, Ollivander?”

The wizard remained silent in terror. Arthur bit the old man in the leg, hoping Satan would possess him next.

“What do you get when you cross a mentally-ill loner with a society that abandons him and treats him like trash!? I'll tell you what you get: You get what you fucking deserve!”

Just as the joker was about to kill him, the wandmaker shouted, “Petrificus Totalus!”

And just as quickly as it came, the demon possessing Arthur faded away.

For the first time in his life, the joker cried tears of pain.

“Shit!” he yelled helplessly.

“I’m sorry if we went down a dark path.” The wizard told Arthur about how the dark was a reminder of his daughter’s passing, how he got one last chance to see her before the Reaper snatched her away. “Hold on to your memories and cherish everyone around you. You’ll never know when they’ll pass on.”

“Lumos!” the wizard shouted, and the tip of his wand lit up. They held their breath as they passed through the gates of Hell, and saw Charon’s boat. After Ollivander and Arthur Fleck had crossed the River Styx, they walked into the castle where their friends had long awaited them. Anne checked on Arthur as The Concept of Theater asked the old man, “Have you seen my theater award?”

“Merlin’s beard!” the wizard interjected.

Toothy Maw opened a portal back to the Hub. For their efforts, he awarded each of our heroes their own ghost-hunting kit.

“Welcome home, team!” the ringmaster shouted energetically.

As Ollivander returned to his wand shop, Jax asked Arthur Fleck, “So, what was it like being stuck with the nutcase?”

“It was fine,” replied the joker.

He smiled, knowing that the old man wasn’t always crazy.

Chapter Text

In the middle of the empty auditorium, Anne was teaching The Concept of Theater how to play baseball.

“So, you wind your arm backwards and release the ball. Do you understand?,” the redheaded woman explained to the actress.

Before TCOT could respond, the two of them were rudely interrupted by Jax, who had just stood there watching them the whole time. The lilac rabbit held a bat in his right hand.

“You’re wasting your time, Anne,” he warned.

“Wait a moment!” Anne replied.

The Concept of Theater imitated throwing a baseball, much to the redhead’s delight. The actress threw the ball and Jax quickly struck it, and the ball smacked her right in the face.

“JAX!” Anne shouted loudly.

“I actually didn’t mean to do that.”

“Are you OK, TCOT?”

“What? I just said it was an accident.”

“Unbelie—”.

“The Concept of Theater, I can help,” 3X0-8L told the actress. Anne and Jax were still arguing behind them. The cyborg calmed her down.

However, Jax had wandered down to their room and asked himself, “What the heck is this?”

By this point, the gang came to 3X0-8L’s room.

Toothy Maw appeared in the room and inquired, “Did you say adventure?”

“Fuck no,” the joker chuckled skeptically.

Everyone congregated in the auditorium (Bill, Toothy Maw's assistant, was mopping the floor). “Today’s quest is: AN HONEST HARD DAY’S WORK AT WENDY’S!,” the ringmaster announced. He pointed at a joyous TCOT. “You are the shift manager!”

Jax was shocked by this revelation, as he stared at The Concept of Theater and uttered, “You did not just make that today’s adventure.”

“You have enough experience today to be the best manager,” Toothy Maw replied to the actress.

As always, 3X0-8L chose not to join today’s quest, though the ringmaster forced them to participate. Shockingly, Ollivander chose not to attend.

“Why wait? Let’s all go to Wendy’s!” the floating, big-toothed man exclaimed. Our heroes walked into the portal to Mississauga, Canada.

The sun’s rays shone on the restaurant as our heroes prepared for their workday. 3X0-8L grumbled to themselves, while Arthur Fleck was getting used to a straight job for the first time in his life.

“Let’s go!” Manager TCOT shouted confidently. She flipped everything on in the kitchen, from the beverage dispenser to the grills.

Jax was being a lovable jerk as always. He had deliberately shoved Anne into the deep fryer, claiming it was accidental.

The Concept of Theater was now fully immersed in her managerial duties.

“For the last time, we do NOT tolerate any mischievous behavior in this restaurant! We are dedicated to creating a safe workplace!” she angrily lectured the tall, lilac rabbit.

“What are you gonna do about it, though?”

“I’m calling HR.”

The head of HR (Toothy Maw) was relaxing in his office when the phone rang.

“Hello?”

“Hi, we’re having a problem here with Jax,” Manager TCOT told the ringmaster. “I was wondering how you can discipline him when the workday’s over.”

Jax frowned as she said those words.

“Of course, that’s what I need to add to improve my quests! Motivation! I’ll definitely fire that disrespectful rabbit!” Toothy Maw replied.

“Why would you do this?” Jax inquired.

“Anyway, Jax, it’s your duty to restock the drinks and make Frostys for the customers. You’re a slacker!” Manager TCOT explained.

“This is really weird.”

It was now morning, and breakfast was being served.

3X0-8L accidentally burned their hand trying to grill breakfast patties. Jax was actually surprised the cyborg was doing a decent job, let alone join a quest.

Arthur Fleck looked at the cash register when he saw a tall stickman come running towards the counter.

“This is Wendy’s, how may I take your order?” the joker asked.

“Hi, Stickguy!” Anne chirped. “He was in a previous sidequest before you joined the club, Arthur.”

“Hello. I would like a Breakfast Biggie,” the stickman stated.

“Fine, a Breakfast Biggie. That’ll be $2.50,” the joker replied.

Jax was getting ready to cook the meal for Stickguy. The lilac rabbit saw him, and moaned about how much he disliked that stickman.

The Concept of Theater told him, “DON’T criticize the customer while they’re HERE!”

Jax gazed at the clock in disappointment.

The supervillain told his coworkers his joke, “I was thinking the other day--why are rich people so confused by the poor people? Because they don’t make any sense!” Everyone laughed heartily.

Immediately after Stickguy received his meal, a nerdy woman rudely pounded her fist on the counter.

“Hey, clownface. I’d like to order the Baconator. Last time I was here, they forgot to add the bacon. Please don’t fail this time,” she explained.

“Do we even have that fucking item on the menu?” Arthur asked himself.

“Yes, I order it frequently.” She visibly spasmed in front of the joker.

“Fine, a shitty Baconator.”

In the kitchen, Anne was busy making the burger, even though the deep fryer incident had severely burnt her face. While slapping the bacon on the patty, she went into a coma.

Jax was busy chatting with 3X0-8L, who was still grilling the patties. He was still surprised to see that the cyborg was actually working on something for once. The tall, lilac rabbit looked at the clock again (it still read 7 AM), and groaned.

Arthur was tending the cashier when he noticed a tall, muscular cowboy wearing a green shirt, accompanied by a skinnier friend in a yellow vest. The supervillain fainted at the sight of Cooper Wayne.

He picked himself up and cheerfully said, “Hi!”

“Howdy, partner!” the green-shirted cowboy replied. “I would like a Breakfast Burrito, while my partner Tom would like a Cinnabon Pull-Apart.”

Arthur, clearly smitten with the cowboy’s charisma, struggled to keep his composure. The outlaws walked off to the nearest table.

The outlaws got seated and awaited their orders. “No! Should’ve ordered a kid’s meal! Where's my Gigantor toy?”, Tom said frustratedly.

“Listen, you are not a child anymore,” the green-shirted leader firmly replied to the tall, yellow-vested cowboy.

Arthur left the cashier and crawled towards Cooper in an attempt to flirt with him. The leader glanced at the joker.

“You OK, mister?” inquired Cooper, who had forgotten the man’s name.

Arthur Fleck still struggled to be professional, though he managed to tell him, “Just wanted to greet you.”

“Howdy! Do I remember you?”

The joker was unsure.

The Concept of Theater was making her rounds as she noticed the joker trying to court the cowboy.

“Arthur! Get back to the cash register!” she screeched.

“But it’s Cooper,” he said. “Can’t my fucking career wait?”

“Respect my authority!”

It was now lunch.

“I just hope my death make more cents than my life,” Arthur joked to his friends. However, no one laughed.

“Let’s get this party started!” Manager TCOT chirped optimistically.

Jax looked at the time on the clock, which was now 12:02 PM. He frowned as he went to the drive-thru window. There, he fiddled with the register until he was repulsed by the sight of the Fox Queen.

Meanwhile, Arthur was at the cash register. “Are you guys ready to order?” he asked a group of 6 people.

“No thanks, we’re theorizing,” said MatPat bluntly.

Suddenly, the Fox Queen burst through the door and ate all but one of the customers at the counter.

“I would like 2,500 Big Macs for all of my offspring!” she blurted.

“Sir, this is a Wendy’s,” he said.

Suddenly, Arthur Fleck noticed Cooper and his bandit buddies leave the restaurant. He paused the order as he went to talk with the outlaw.

Leowarrin was being attacked by the Fox Queen’s kits, screaming in tormented agony.

“Leave him alone!” she commanded.

Just as Cooper was about to leave, Arthur said, “I just wanted to wish you a pleasant afternoon! Thanks for dining at Wendy’s.”

“Have a good day, mister,” responded the cowboy as he tipped his hat to Arthur and left.

Meanwhile, TCOT was continuing to lecture the mischievous lilac rabbit.

“Jax! The bathroom is very toxic and must be cleaned,” she lectured.

“Uh, I dunno — shouldn’t, like, a biohazard crew take care of that?”

“Do you wanna be the ideal worker?”

“No. I don’t care about any of this. I like you better when you’re sad.”

“Perhaps you need to dream on!”

Jax gloomily walked towards the drive-thru window as he experienced a flashback to his orientation day.

“Hello, new recruits! Welcome to Wendy’s! In this presentation, you’ll learn the basics of working here,” the manager explained.

“When did you make this?” the present Jax asked himself.

“I understand your thoughts: ‘I don’t wanna join the fast-food industry; I’d rather be a voice actor and star in an anime!’ Stop trying, as your aspirations are just impossible fantasies. Before we begin, are you smiling?”

Jax frowned, and Manager TCOT was unhappy. The lilac rabbit forcibly smiled as The Concept of Theater told him, “It’s now time for your employee examination.”

Jax now looked visibly distressed and traumatized.

Back in the kitchen, 3X0-8L was grilling 2,500 Dave’s Singles for the fox kits.

Anne had been unresponsive for hours by this point, severely limiting the number of burgers made in between orders. The cyborg informed Manager TCOT of this, and the redheaded woman was rapidly transported to the Digital Hospital, ending her quest early.

Jax returned to the kitchen, and noticed that only 8½ minutes had passed. Now, he was truly pissed off.

“Oh, are you KIDDING ME?!” he shouted furiously. “Hey, The Concept of Theater! I think the clock’s broken!”

“Is it broken, or is it us who need our souls to be cleansed?”

“Ah, great.”

“How long has this been going on for? 8 hours? 17? 3 weeks? A year? Does time even exist here? Will we all fulfill our goals?”

It was now dinner as the sun set over Mississauga, Canada. Arthur Fleck waved goodbye to the Fox Queen as she and her kits left the restaurant.

He chuckled loudly and told himself, “That was more shitty knowledge on fox reproduction than I ever needed to fucking know.”

Jax looked frustrated as he headed towards the counter.

He slouched and asked Arthur, “How are you doing?”

“It’s…fine.”

“Wish I could say the same.”

The Concept of Theater hollered for Jax to clean, stating, “Clean the dishes now! No pain, no gain!”

He sighed and told the manager, “I’m on it! Later, Arthur.”

The armada of traffic whizzed by 6449 Erin Mills Pkwy as the night sky came into being. The Concept of Theater left the kitchen and she cried into tears and she yelled at the heavens above until she couldn’t scream anymore. Little did Manager TCOT know that Arthur Fleck had awkwardly watched her.

“Are you OK?” the joker asked.

“My comedic play is usually ridiculed by now,” she answered as she sat down hopelessly.

“Do you have anyone to discuss your problems with? I’m confident Anne can help you.”

“Anne. I love her, but it’s hard to see if she’s really being nice. Anyway, let’s get back to work!”

Jax stared at the analogue clock, which read 9 PM.

“Alright, I’m clockin’ out! This wasn’t fun at all. See you all later,” he bluntly stated as he walked out of the dormant restaurant and drove away in his blue car, certainly knowing he had been fired from Wendy’s.

3X0-8L saw Manager TCOT and told her, “I’m concerned about Anne’s health, like will she even wake up?”

“She’s already at the Digital Hospital. Why are you asking me and not a doctor?”

“Just looking out for her,” they replied. 3X0-8L worked for another hour before clocking out.

The Concept of Theater now stood alone in the empty restaurant and stared blankly into space. Arthur Fleck popped out from behind the grill, which startled her.

“I can close the fucking Wendy’s for you tonight,” the joker said.

“Is that OK?” Manager TCOT asked.

“Yeah.”

The manager walked out as the supervillain told himself, “What a strange day.”

The Concept of Theater gazed into the night sky. She power-walked and danced across the road, only to be hit by an incoming truck.

The CEO, Toothy Maw, called her on the phone.

“Overall, today, Aug. 8, 2024, was a productive day. We made many sales with virtually no user criticisms. I heard you ran into traffic. You could blame one of your workers for it, ” he explained.

“It was all my fault.”

“That’ll downgrade your score to B+, like everyone else!” he said, “and that’s it for today.”

Right after she hung up, the ringmaster awarded everyone except Ollivander $263.5 CAD as the reward for today's adventure. He rapidly glitched for no reason.

Back in the auditorium, The Concept of Theater told 3X0-8L tearfully, “I ruined everything. What have I done? No one wants to talk to me anymore.”

“I like chatting with you,” the cyborg told TCOT. She cried tears of joy. “Well, you’ve got a friend in me, and show your art to everyone. I like seeing your sketches,” 3X0-8L said hopefully to the crying actress as the two of them chatted together.

Chapter Text

One morning at the Digital Hospital, a redheaded woman miraculously awoke from a coma. She glanced at her surroundings and blinked, trying to figure out where she was. When she was last awake, Anne was preparing a burger at a fast-food restaurant. Still dazed, Dr. Kaphama performed some blood tests on her, and determined that the coma was not caused by hyperventilation or getting high. Anne felt happy at last, as Toothy Maw appeared and teleported her safely back to the Hub.

“Today’s quest is: Match of the Millennium,” Toothy Maw explained to everyone. "Defeat the Soviets and gain eternal glory for the United States."

The big-toothed ringmaster opened a portal to Universe M-ROKY4/19860106+CD345.

On the other side was a massive stadium. Ollivander walked around, impressed by how modernized the Russia of his youth had become.

Just then, fast-paced rock music played out of nowhere. Soon, The Multiversal Circus were running from Red Square to Gorky Park, seeking to improve their soccer skills. They practiced everything, from dribbling and passing to shooting and tackling.

"Keep your eye on the ball," 3X0-8L repeatedly told TCOT.

Meanwhile, the Soviet team, lead by SORR, cheated their way to perfection as they ran in loops around the track at Central Lenin Stadium, consumed performance enhancers, and trained as hard as they could, all under the watchful eyes of the Soviet Union's best state-sponsored sports trainers.

Later that night, the stadium was packed with thousands of people. Soccer commentators from around the globe congregated here to witness a truly unforgettable event.

"Hello, and tonight, we are about to watch the Match of Millennium in Moscow. I'm Toothy Maw, the John Madden of football commentating, representing ABC. Here is my buddy, Billy," the ringmaster explained.

"This match is promised to be the most-watched in history," Bill replied.

"We've got the United States and the Soviet Union about to play soccer against each other for the first time."

As they entered the field, ignoring the boos of the Russian crowd, our heroes saw their Eastern Bloc counterparts: Aline, Ioakhim Filatov, Olga, Miro, Gregorovitch and Ivan Drago. SORR's team sneered and frowned malevolently at our heroes, except for Miro.

"Zdravstvuyte, tovarishchi! I am Ioakhim Filatov!", the redhaired man shouted.

"I am Olga," the raven-haired woman said.

"Salutations, I am Mykew Gregorovitch," Ollivander's wandmaking rival explained.

The golden rabbit shyly introduced himself, "Hi guys. My name is Miro."

"Ya dolzhen slomat' tebya yeshche raz," Ivan Drago muttered harshly under the coldness of his breath.

"I'm Aline," the last remaining player said confusedly.

"Da. East meets West as our glorious motherland prepares near-total victory," the Soviet commentator explained.

"We're joined here by our colleagues from around all corners of the globe, from Guatemala, Tanzania and Italy to Czechoslovakia, Japan and France," a commentator from the BBC elaborated.

"The two superpowers are ready to fight each other for the beautiful game, with Ivan Drago being Russia's most prized player," the Brazilian commentator said.

"Coming live from Moscow...," another sports broadcaster began.

In a ruined, post-apocalyptic city, the vintage TV flickered to life, displaying the game.

"Hey, that's Jax!" Mel exclaimed as she pointed at the TV.

"I know," Diligence replied.

Back at Central Lenin Stadium, The Multiversal Circus sat down before the big game, finalizing their plans. TCOT laughed to herself, while Jax stared blankly into space.

"Across that pitch lies a foe mankind has indirectly fought. Only one thing stands between them and total victory. Into this bleak arena steps a man - the man for the moment," Ollivander explained to his teammates.

Just then, Miro came over and said, "Hi, Americans. I hope we have a good game tonight."

"I want to kill that guy," Jax stated.

The golden rabbit then walked away.

General Secretary Gorbachev heard the audience erupt into cheers and applause when he entered the dignitaries' box.

The State Anthem of the Soviet Union blared from speakers around the stadium. Propaganda posters showcasing Russia's dream team were unfurled.

When the anthem was finished, the referee blew the whistle, beginning the match.

Everyone rushed around the field quicker than a dog doing zoomies in the backyard.

The first half of the game was a frantic scramble as both Arthur and Ioakhim dashed around, trying to score the first point.

Anne tackled the ball away from Olga, who passed it to the redbearded man. Ioakhim shot the ball into the goal, scoring one for the motherland.

"He shoots, he scores!" Toothy Maw announced from the broadcasting room.

Then, Aline accidentally passed the ball to Jax, who accidentally kicked it out of bounds.

"I can't believe I'm in some fanfiction," the lilac rabbit said gloomily.

3X0-8L passed the ball to Ivan Drago, and dribbled it to Jax. Once again, the lilac rabbit didn't give a damn, even though he could've scored two points for America.

"No apologies for me? This is so sad," Jax feigningly told his teammates as he left the stadium.

Out of the darkness, there was some good news.

"I can't believe what I just saw," the BBC commentator said. "The Concept of Theater has scored the first point for America!"

"He who seeks is the one who scores!" Ollivander shouted.

Shortly afterwards, 3X0-8L managed to tackle the ball away from Aline.

"Wow! Another well-played performance from the United States there," the ringmaster commented.

Mykew Gregorovitch muttered some profanities, and got a yellow card form the referee.

Arthur dribbled the ball away from Aline and passed it to Anne, who quickly scored another point for the United States.

By the end of the first half, the score was 3-4.

"We'll be right back after this episode of Evil Bratt!" the ringmaster announced.

Meanwhile, the Forger family was watching the match from their Berlint apartment as Anya played.

"I wonder if that match in Moscow will encourage Anya to improve her athletic abilities," Loid inquired.

"I think it will," his wife answered.

Five minutes were left in the game as America scored its fifth point. When the match began, the crowd cheered for SORR; now they cheered for The Multiversal Circus.

"Welcome back to the Match of the Millennium between the United States and the Soviet Union," Toothy Maw said.

"For those of you joining in just now, the two superpowers have fought an incredibly well-fought match so far. They're currently tied up at 5-5," Bill explained.

Arthur Fleck punted the ball into the goal successfully. The Russian goalie tried to block the goal, but failed.

"What an amazing performance from Arthur Fleck! The game now rests on Scott Sterling," the ringmaster said.

"Here comes the Iron Goalie, dealing with more pressure than ever before," Bill added as he saw him confidently rush towards the field.

"Gregorovitch at the ready."

The evil wizard wound up for the shot, and hit Sterling in the face.

"OH! It shot him directly in the face!" Toothy Maw shouted.

After a quick check from a trainer, Sterling returned to the pitch.

"What a spectacular save," the ringmaster pointed out.

Bill said, "He's on his feet now. Shaken--"

"But not stirred!" The two of them guffawed together.

"The Concept of Theater runs for the ball, here she go-."

She kicked the ball so far, that it flew outside the pitch and struck a man in the face.

"Way off target! Good show."

By this point, only 3½ minutes were left in the game.

"Back to Scott Sterling."

"He looks wearier, but ready to block at a moment's notice."

Now, the previously hostile Soviet crowd began to intensely chant "USA! USA!", the sound of which deafened both teams.

"And Drago takes a moment. Here he goes, an-."

"OH MY GOD! He's knocked out Scott Sterling, sending him flying back like a meteor!"

"That ball was clocked at 387 km an hour. After 2 wonderful saves, it seems that the Russian Robot finally broke him."

The face of America's best goalie was bleeding. A group of nearby trainers quickly grabbed a stretcher and escorted a mostly unconscious Scott Sterling out of the stadium.

With an empty goal, the Siberian Express struck the ball into the now defenseless goal, earning an extra point for Mother Russia. Once again, the score was tied.

Everyone scrambled to retrieve the ball and score the last point of the game. The dying seconds felt like hours, as if time itself had stood still. What was once a previously peaceful match had become a no-holds-barred competition in the heart of Moscow.

"This game might go into the penalties."

"One minute on the clock, as both teams are scrambling around as if they were playing musical chairs!"

SORR's team, with their remaining strength, skillfully tackled the ball away from The Multiversal Circus.

"Thirty seconds, with both teams still tied. Can the Russian Bear break the tie?" Toothy Maw asked.

Just as it looked like a Soviet victory was inevitable, Miro accidentally passed the ball to Anne, who scored the final goal of the game, delivering a crushing blow to the Soviet sports world.

"You've got 10 seconds, the countdown going on right now! TCOT, up to Ollivander! Five seconds left in the game! Do you believe in miracles? YES! What an astonishing feat!" Toothy Maw broadcasted. "Ladies and gentlemen, we have just witnessed the Miracle of Moscow! The United States has defeated the Soviet Union, with the final score at 7-6!"

The entire stadium spontaneously sang "God Bless America". Olga screamed her lungs out.

"Blyat! We failed to impress our great leader," Ioakhim whined.

In the penalty box, Ivan Drago cried tears of pain. His mind flashed back to that fateful Christmas Day boxing match with Rocky Balboa, where his homeland disgraced him. For the second time in his life, he truly hurt.

The Multiversal Circus, however, congratulated Anne for her excellent performance and perseverance throughout the match.

Jax suddenly reentered the stadium and attacked Miro, punching him mercilessly on his left hip. The golden rabbit shivered fearfully.

The ringmaster flew out of the commentators' room and gave Anne a phone.

"President Reagan wants to speak with you," he explained.

The redheaded woman picked up the phone.

"Hello?"

"Well, I congratulate you and your team not on behalf of myself, but on behalf of a grateful nation and the free world. Your historic achievement has shown us that no matter the circumstances life gives us, freedom will always emerge triumphant in the end."

"It's an honor to speak with you, Mr. President."

"Thank you. Goodnight, and may God bless America."

The team left the stadium and returned to the Hub through a portal, where a concert headlined by Steam Powered Giraffe and Will.i.am was being held.

Toothy Maw lectured, "Well, I guess we all learned something today: my adventures are always the best!"

"That was a cool adventure," 3X0-8L remarked.

Everyone danced happily ever after.

Chapter Text

In the middle of an empty nightclub, two police officers were surrounded by Doppo Hokama and his minions.

Jax and a clown in Arthur Fleck looked eager to rain on their parade, ready to obey the boss' orders at a moment's notice.

"Any last words for you and your partner, Yoshio?" asked the oyabun with fire in his eyes.

Both he and his partner, Mamoru Kure, stood there suspended in terror. But they had no choice but to fight to survive another day.

Three days before, Officer Yoshio Sumida was introducing himself to another officer.

"So, you're from Kagoshima, is that correct?"

"Hai," Mamoru Kure replied.

The officer took the recruit to the briefing room, where they were to be informed of their current task.

"As you know, oyabun Doppo Hokama has evaded capture from the National Police Agency for years now," Superintendent General Keikain addressed to the officers. "He has been running an underground ring of illegal casinos throughout the Kanto region."

"Well, the reason I became I cop in the first place was because I wanted to avenge my father's death," Yoshio whispered.

"Where I'm from, we take a more relaxed approach to enforcing the law," Mamoru Kure replied. "It's always the same procedure: track, interrogate, and imprison."

"I always like conducting investigations the more rational way. Once, I heard about a conman who almost got away with convincing the city of Kakegawa to have its own bus system."

After the briefing was finished, the two of them met in the Superintendent General's office.

"Officers Yoshio Sumida and Mamoru Kure," he began, "We have partnered you two because we believe that you two have what it takes to bring Doppo to justice."

"Well, I joined the police yesterday, chief. It's only my second day on the job, and I'm still getting used to a career where our lives are on the line every day," the policeman from Kagoshima explained.

"Be careful, as Doppo's minions have killed some of our best officers. You have 84 hours, or 3½ days, to arrest the oyabun of the Inagawa-kai. But if you fail, you must resign."

It was just another night at the WHISPER, one of Tokyo's most notorious nightclubs. Everyone but Jax partying on the dance floor alongside 3X0-8L to the funky beats of "Friday Night".

The lilac rabbit immediately headed towards the bar.

"Konnichiwa. I would like a cup of cold sake," Jax ordered reluctantly.

As Kayo the waiter went away to serve someone else, the lilac rabbit moaned to himself about how this was the most dull and uneventful adventure he had ever been on in his life.

Jax left his table and made his way to the dance floor, feeling like he'd been attacked by the Despair Squid.

A young woman named Sakura Matsutani was busting moves on the dance floor. He gazed at the woman next to him. Given his reputation as an all-around jerk, he never would've expected to find love on the dance floor. He thought Sakura would make a great romantic partner, though fate had other plans.

The lilac rabbit loudly groaned as he returned to his table, where Kayo gave him his drink.

"This is warm sake, you dumb waiter! Keep the change, ya filthy animal!" Jax shouted as he paid 3,000 yen for his sake.

Anne and Ollivander each made their way to the table.

"I'll have a butterbeer," the wandmaster requested.

"We don't have that item on the menu, but I'll see what I can do," Kayo replied.

From his table, Jax tried to flirt with Sakura, but she remained unimpressed.

"So, Arthur. What was your life like before you joined the Multiversal Circus?" the lilac rabbit asked.

"Back in Gotham City, I was an aspiring comedian who wanted to become famous."

"Ah, I see."

"Yes. However, nobody laughed at my jokes. It's part of the reason why I became one of the most feared criminals in America."

Kayo returned to the table and gave Anne her sake, who thanked him in return.

"What about you, Jax?" asked 3X0-8L.

"Well, I'm scared of corn, as it reminds me of my life on the farm."

Everyone bellowed loudly at that revelation as the lilac rabbit's face turned redder than a lobster on a hot summer day.

Now, TCOT was discussing her life before they joined the Multiversal Circus.

"I once worked at Wendy's," The actress said.

"What else have you done?" inquired the cyborg.

"I am an actress having starred in virtually every single play ever imagined, from the Greek tragedies of old to the glitz and glamor of Broadway. But perhaps my favorite play was Hormuz with Seven Husbands."

"I'll guess I'll begin telling my life story now," the redhead said. "I was born to a middle-class family in Indianapolis. I certainly don't miss middle school. Just living my best life right now."

"What about Garrick Ollivander? It seems like he's always reluctant to open up about his upbringing," 3X0-8L said.

"Well, I was born to Gervaise Ollivander and a Muggle mother. I come from a most ancient lineage of wandmakers," the old man explained. "When I first started running my wand shop, most wands were crudely made and unreliable, but my company was the exception."

Then, our heroes started reminiscing about the Circus.

"Remember when Chukmo threw me across the corridor on your first day?" Anne asked.

"Yes. It was quite awful for you," the joker answered.

"Remember when you went into a coma at Wendy's?" TCOT recalled.

"No," the redhead replied.

Little did our heroes know that the WHISPER was actually a front for one of Japan's most feared yakuza gangs.

Suddenly, a snappily-dressed man entered the club, revealing himself.

"Konnichiwa, my name is Doppo Hokama," he explained. "You are now full-fledged members of Inagawa-kai."

By this point, everyone had finished drinking their sake, completing the initiation ceremony.

"WHAT?!," our heroes screamed.

"There must be much you do not understand. Come."

Hokama escorted The Multiversal Circus members out of the restaurant at the WHISPER and drove them to their headquarters. But he couldn't help but feel like he was being watched by someone else.

"Welcome to the Inagawa-kai. Our main source of crime is casinos," explained Oyabun Hokama.

Then, everyone was given a back tattoo. Jax's depicted a menacing dragon, while Arthur Fleck had a phoenix emerging from the ashes.

Despite their rivalry, Yoshio and Mamoru Kure got used to working together. That afternoon, the two of them entered a local restaurant. A TV news broadcast suddenly began.

"In Tokyo, a criminal gang has robbed a bank just a few hours ago," the broadcaster explained.

The camera feed showed a tall lilac rabbit, a clown in a red suit wielding a gun, and and a redhead were stealing over 2 million Japanese yen from the vaults.

A young woman appeared got up from her seat and said, "Believe it or not, I think I've seen them before."

"What's your name?" asked Yoshio.

"Sakura Matsutani."

"You must come down to the police station for questioning."

And just like that, some progress was being made towards catching the Inagawa-kai.

"Where were you at the time you first saw the lilac rabbit?" Mamoru asked Sakura.

"At the time, I was dancing at a nightclub called the WHISPER."

"Do you know the rabbit's name?"

"I don't remember his name, but I do remember he tried to flirt with me, even though I clearly wasn't interested in his type. After that, he started chatting with his friends."

"Do you know the name of the clown in the red suit?"

"Yes. I overheard that his name was Arthur Fleck."

"Thanks for answering these valuable questions, Sakura. Those bandits you saw on the news seem to be part of a larger plot." Yoshio explained.

"You're welcome."

The following night, the two cops found the place Sakura had been referring to. The WHISPER was a ultramodern nightclub with a vibrant nightlife in such a bustling megalopolis. Hundreds of people danced the night away to the DJ's beats and enjoyed its state-of-the-art cuisine. It was a nexus for anyone who wanted to have a nice and relaxing night.

"Quiet! This is a police raid!" Yoshio announced as he and his police buddy burst in through the doors.

Thousands of patrons were frightened, though Kayo shivered in terror at the sight, knowing his affiliation with the Inagawa-kai had been exposed to the public.

"I have this to say about your business: Omae wa mou shindeiru," Mamoru Kure warned.

Yoshio Sumida walked over to Kayo and said, "We received word that a few of your patrons are affiliated with the yakuza."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

While he was arresting the waiter, Jax and Arthur Fleck looked eager to rain on their parade, ready to fire at will. The joker cackled eerily as he returned to crime for what felt like the first time in years.

Then, Doppo Hokama and the rest of the Inagawa-kai entered the dimly-lit nightclub.

"Any last words for you and your partner, Yoshio?" asked the oyabun sinisterly.

"Hello, my name is Yoshio Sumida. Your clan killed my father. Prepare to die."

Both he and Mamoru stood there suspended in terror. The boss pulled the trigger, but our heroes managed to dodge the bullets. Now, they had no choice but to fight to survive another day.

Discord reigned as both sides engaged in a battle of a most ferocious nature. As the fight neared its end, it seemed like the yakuza had the upper hand.

Just as it looked like all hope was lost, more police backup arrived, overwhelming The Multiversal Circus. Hokama and his underlings tried to escape, but it was too late. Within minutes, the National Police Agency had accomplished the improbable: bringing the head of the Inagawa-kai to justice.

As our former yakuza members sat in the back of the prison van, Arthur Fleck visibly grimaced as he reminisced on his old life in Gotham City. Jax vented about how anticlimactic this quest had been.

When the Multiversal Circus arrived at the prison, Toothy Maw summoned a portal back to the Hub, where their tattoos faded out of existence.

"So how was your little adventure in Japan?" the big-toothed ringmaster asked.

Chapter Text

3X0-8L was casually lounging in the lobby of the Hub, alongside their friends. Only a day had elapsed since their Tokyo hustle.

"What did you think of the previous quest?" the ringmaster inquired.

"Well, it was kinda dull. It would've been nice to have some more action," they replied.

"Yeah. It was quite memorable," Arthur Fleck commented. "There's nothing better than working with the yakuza."

Since his arrival almost a week ago, the joker had changed profoundly. Gone were the days of a melancholic, sailor-mouthed comedian-turned-criminal.

Ollivander, TCOT and Anne had mixed to negative responses to the previous quest. Jax, however, enjoyed his brief stint as a member of the yakuza very much.

“Today’s adventure is: HUNTING HIGHTOWER!” Toothy Maw announced on stage, showing a small, ancient wooden idol covered with metal shards and nails. "The Shiriki Utundu is a valuable and allegedly cursed idol that was responsible for Harrison Hightower III's disappearance. Return it to the Mtundu tribe of the Congo, and do whatever you can to prevent it from falling into the wrong hands again."

He then opened a portal to Universe OAT-TOTxTKY/1916-1.

"I was gonna-" Jax said.

"I wasn't prepared for this adventure!" Arthur yelled.

A cutscene began showing an old steamship sailing from New York to Loango, French Congo on an antique world map, followed by a path leading to Brazzaville on the Congo River.

When our heroes finally arrived there, they went to a nearby cafe. Ollivander read a newspaper and learned that the year was 1916. Jax ripped the Shiriki Utundu from TCOT's hands before giving it to the joker.

"Hi, gang! In this installment of Jax the Explorer, I'm going to steal this cursed idol and put it in a museum!" the lilac rabbit sarcastically narrated as they headed towards a crowded market.

"Jax! For the last time, this is not why we're here!" The Concept of Theater lectured to the lilac rabbit.

An archaeologist in his late thirties wearing full safari gear was purchasing another priceless artifact. His name was Timothée Aquedime. He then spotted Arthur Fleck carrying the small wooden idol, accompanied by a tall lilac rabbit, an old man, a redhead, a gloomy young actress and a cyborg. He had been clearly fascinated with the Shiriki Utundu since Hightower's disappearance that fateful New Year's Eve in 1899.

Aquedime walked over to the Multiversal Circus and said with his heavy accent, "Bonjour, mes ennemis. You have stolen what should rightfully belong to ze Belgian government."

"We were sent here to return this wooden idol to the Mtundu tribe," 3X0-8L explained.

"I see. But you have chosen ze wrong friends."

Suddenly, the archaeologist whipped out his pistol and shot the cyborg, distracting Arthur and forcing him to surrender the idol.

Aquedime, with the Shiriki Utundu in tow, ran to the pier, hoping to cross the Congo River to get to Léopoldville and complete his lifelong dream.

Jax quickly caught up to him. He savagely punched and bit the Belgian archaeologist, while Ollivander Accio-ed the Shiriki Utundu. All of the Multiversal Circus members except the lilac rabbit ran to the pier and hopped in a speedboat, waiting to leave and continue with their adventure. Jax dashed faster than a cheetah and jumped in. Anne started the engine and our heroes zoomed away to safety down the great Congo River, far away from the chaos that had occurred in Brazzaville.

Timothée felt quite dazed, having never expected the lilac rabbit to be much of a vicious fighter. He vowed to find that small wooden idol. Unlike the Multiversal Circus, he knew exactly where the Mtundu tribe was located, having learned about them many years ago. Now, he taught archaeology at the Free University of Brussels and traveled the globe in search of adventure. He decided to spend the night in Léopoldville, the capital of the Belgian Congo. Later that day, he continued his quest to find the Shiriki Utundu.

Four hours later, the Multiversal Circus thought that they were safe. But little did they know someone else was spying on them from behind.

Major Heinrich Belzig and his mercenaries spotted our heroes carrying the wooden idol as they left the Kwa River on his canoe. The four of them had left German East Africa after the Belgians invaded Kigali almost 2 months prior. One thing became abundantly clear: Imperial Germany was losing the Great War, despite its military prowess. Their efforts shifted to more desperate measures, and they had begun trying to find something that could turn the tide of the war. Belzig followed the speedboat, and soon, the two boats were close to each other.

Just as Belzig was about to steal the wooden idol, the canoe lead by the Imperial German mercenaries was quickly pelted with spears almost the size of bamboo poles by the natives. One unfortunate soul gruesomely had lost his life, while The Multiversal Circus and the Shiriki Utundu emerged practically unscathed from the armada of spears and poisoned arrows. Both parties now knew that the idol was a totem of good luck, or so it appeared to be.

Sadly, the motorboat that The Multiversal Circus had used since their scuffle with Aquedime was wrecked as it struck a nearby island. Luckily, Ollivander Accio-ed the wooden idol and gave it to Jax. Then, the wandmaster conjured a wooden canoe out of thin air, which our heroes then used to continue paddling down the steaming, crocodile-infested waters of the Congo. A month and a half passed as Kaiser Bill's mercenaries tracked them downriver. The map showed them passing Coquilhatville and New Antwerp before they finally stopped in the quaint little town of Lisala.

They entered a local restaurant, hoping to have a nice, relaxing meal after the long chase. A skinny man was enjoying his meal and carefully analyzing his unfinished maps. The members of the Multiversal Circus saw him as a partner to their assist them on their adventure.

"What's your name?" Arthur Fleck asked.

"Sawyer Atkinson. Why are you here?," the skinny man replied.

"We've been sent here by Toothy Maw to return this to the Mtundu tribe," Jax explained, pulling the Shiriki Utundu from his satchel.

Sawyer hesitated in disbelief. The former cartographer was very fortunate to have survived that difficult voyage alongside Harrison Hightower III sixteen years ago.

"Unfortunately, two rival adventurers are after the same thing," Arthur Fleck elaborated as he put the idol back in Jax's satchel. "Do you know where their village is?"

In response, he quietly gave 3X0-8L a map that depicted the path leading to Mkorofi, the remote village of the Mtundu tribe, located 16.5 miles northeast of the border with British Rhodesia and 137 miles away from Élisabethville.

Just as they were about to leave, Heinrich Belzig and his henchmen entered the restaurant, reluctantly intent on acquiring the Shiriki Utundu for world domination.

"Guten tag," he said. "Where is the idol?"

"I don't know," Sawyer Atkinson responded.

"Perhaps I did not make myself clear. Where is the Shiriki Utundu?"

"Sir, I don't know whe-"

"FLEISCHMANN! VON HOLDERBAUM!"

Per Major Belzig's orders, the two of them quickly restrained the slim cartographer as he shivered in terror. The Multiversal Circus could only watch in silence.

"Now then, mannlein. We can do this the easy way, or the hard way," Heinrich warned.

"What are you referring to?"

You must give us the information we are seeking. We have other ways of making you talk, and I have in eyes in the back of my head."

"Belzig, it's... at Hotel Hightower in New York City."

"But a few days ago, me and my crew saw the Shiriki Utundu with our own eyes."

Jax visibly gulped in fear as he overheard the torturer's words. As a digital avatar, he had never experienced true pain before.

"Heinrich, I don't know where that wooden idol is, or who is currently in possession of it," Sawyer Atkinson admitted, sweating profusely.

"Oh my god. They know we have the idol," Arthur muttered quietly. "Belz-"

"SILENCE, SCUM!" the Imperial German major barked. He drew his attention back to the frightened cartographer.

"I already told you. I don't know."

"So defiant to the bitter end."

Belzig smiled sadistically as he pulled out a dirty spoon from his pocket. He placed it close to Sawyer's mouth.

"Please! No!"

"I do not wish to make you suffer. Just give us the answer!"

"No!"

Just then, a lion roared as it unexpectedly entered the restaurant, scaring the patrons and catching everyone off guard. The Multiversal Circus and the Kaiser's henchmen fled, while Belzig wrestled with the lion. Despite his best efforts, he rapidly grew exhausted. In the end, the German major survived, though the lion mauled his right arm to the point of being permanently useless.

"Oh no!" 3X0-8L remarked as they walked out, having forgotten that the idol was in Jax's satchel.

Sawyer Atkinson ran away from the angry lion and towards The Multiversal Circus' canoe. Together, our heroes paddled away from Lisala, with a new partner joining their latest adventure.

Almost 24½ days later, they reached Stanleyville, one of the Belgian Congo's most prominent commercial centers.

Clearly, they were exhausted after paddling for almost 300 miles as the night began. Our heroes were invited into the home of a kind-hearted young woman called Nyota.

"You are all welcome in my house!" she exclaimed when they came in.

The next morning, our heroes asked Nyota if she knew anything about the Shiriki Utundu. To their surprise, she knew everything about it, having been born the daughter of the Mtundu tribe's shaman. She moved up north to escape an arranged marriage with the prince of another tribe.

After Anne filled the shaman's daughter in on their perilous adventure, Nyota wanted to know why the German mercenaries were so interested in such an ancient artifact.

"It seems that they see the idol as a harbinger of good luck, and they want to use it to let their country win the war," TCOT explained.

"No. The Shiriki Utundu must never be used that way," Nyota replied.

Ollivander asked her, "What happens if an enemy of the tribe acquires the idol?"

"The idol curses them with a fate worse than death."

"Would you like to join us in our adventure?"

"Count me in."

Later that afternoon, they wandered around Stanleyville and stumbled across a cathedral. The Multiversal Circus saw an old foe in the distance, whom they had not seen for quite a while. The man in a light khaki jacket and pith helmet, wearing glasses and a permanent smirk on his face, was about to head into the church. Remembering the man's thick Brussels accent, Arthur Fleck publicly confronted him.

"Aquedime, don't make me kill you," the joker warned.

"Arthur Fleck. I should've known. I know you hate me," the Belgian archaeologist replied.

"You and I are very different."

"Be careful. Ze mind of man is capable of anything — because everything is in it, all ze past as well as all ze future."

"Please tell me how you got so far so quickly."

"After I recovered from zat animalistic duel with zat savage lilac rabbit, I spent a night in Léopoldville and used ze assistance of ze Belgian colonial authorities to get me to Stanleyville."

"I see. You work for King Albert himself, don't you?"

Just as it looked like a duel was about to commence, the local churchgoers began to exit, distracting both Arthur and Aquedime, forcing them to back down.

Nyota, Sawyer and the Multiversal Circus arrived at the train station heading to Ponthierville.

"So how do we know if we're near the Mtundu tribe's territory?" inquired Ollivander.

"If you see glowing green eyes painted onto one of the tree branches, you'll know that you have entered. It's similar to those road signs that you've seen, " the black woman explained.

"Thanks, Nyota."

Once they arrived at that pretty town, our heroes made their way to the Congo River, peacefully paddling off into the distance, unaware that Aquedime and the rival German mercenaries had caught up to them.

"I can't believe that we almost got hit by two frigates," Jax told the rest of our gang of adventurers.

"We almost lost the idol until the river's tide swept it here," Sawyer responded.

"Wait, you worked Hightower himself?" The Concept of Theater asked.

"Of course. I was one of his armed henchmen," he explained.

"Then why are you even here?"

"After he mysteriously disappeared, I decided to travel the world."

Suddenly, the tide changed and the Shiriki Utundu accidentally fell into Timothée Aquedime's hands. The idol's dagger unknowingly stabbed his hand, causing him to panic.

"I found it! So, what was once yours is mine once again," he lectured confidently, pointing at The Multiversal Circus. "I'm quite comfortable here compared to you. By ze way, your crew would make for a razer nice display at ze Royal Museum of Central Africa. Anyway, I must bid you adieu and return to Brussels."

Just as quickly as it came, the ancient idol accidentally ended up in the canoe of the Imperial German mercenaries. "Meine Freunde, our plan for winning this war is complete! The Kaiser awaits us."

A three-way tug-of-war ensued as the idol passed between our heroes, the Belgian archaeologist, and the mercenaries. The natives restlessly attacked only those who did not have the wooden idol. Jax threw explosives at the henchmen, destroying their canoe.

In the end, Belzig and his henchmen succeeded in getting the wooden idol, as they swam to the riverbank.

"Goodness! It's miracle you even survived!" Nyota exclaimed.

However, she forgot the idol was stolen, and she remembered overhearing that they planned to take it down to Kabalo and send it to Albertville.

Our heroes raced to the railway station at Kindu Port-Émpain, hoping to catch up to Aquedime and Belzig.

"Put the idol on the train," Fleischmann told von Holderbaum.

In one of the passenger cars, Aquedime was getting ready to relax.

The Multiversal Circus entered the train at the last minute. Now, the scramble for the Shiriki Utundu was about to begin as the train began to move away from the station.

The Germans were in one of the storage cars, with Belzig and von Holderbaum posted near the front entrance. Fleischmann carefully guarded the idol like a statue.

Arthur and the rest of his party were located in another passenger car, outlining their plan on how to retrieve the idol.

"Sawyer, you stay guard while Nyota and the rest of us try to find it," Anne detailed.

"Got it," the cartographer accepted.

Our heroes, led by Jax, made it to the storage car where the Shiriki Utundu was being held. Unfortunately, Aquedime was also there. The three expeditions quickly engaged in a bloody showdown over who ought to own the idol. The lilac rabbit killed von Holderbaum with his hunting rifle and threw him out a window, while the black woman repeatedly rammed Fleischmann against the wall.

However, Belzig was cornered by Timothée Aquedime, who whipped out his pistol and pointed it to his chest.

"Zis bullet is for ze Shiriki Utundu," the archaeologist with glasses told the German major as he shot him, "and zis one's for Belgium!"

After firing the second bullet, he mercilessly tossed the bloodied corpse out of a shattered window and deep into the thick foliage of the Congo rainforest.

"I'm doomed," Fleischmann whimpered. "Kaiser Wilhelm is going to kill me for this."

The crate rumbled as the train ventured into some rough territory. While all that happened, Jax swiftly found the crate holding the Shiriki Utundu, and gave the idol to Nyota. Now, a long, drawn-out gunfight between Arthur Fleck, Aquedime and the last survivor of the Kaiser's ill-fated mercenary group ensued.

Eventually, the train reached its terminus at Kongolo, where everyone got off. After that eventful standoff, the mercenary was terrified at the thought that he was going to be next.

Right now, the Imperial German party was almost done with their mission, as the only thing they needed to do now was make it to Kabalo and send it across enemy lines to Kigoma.

As they continued their way downriver, Nyota explained to our heroes that unlike most tribes in the Congo, the Mtundu used dark magic to fight their enemies. She also told them that the idol was one of the most valuable artifacts in the region, as other tribes were frequently trying to come in and steal it.

When The Multiversal Circus, Aquedime and Fleischmann reached Kabalo, they argued relentlessly over where the Shiriki Utundu should go. 3X0-8L and the shaman's daughter believed that the idol should rightfully belong to the natives; the Belgian archaeologist pointed out that it should belong in a museum, and the mercenary said it must be weaponized by the Kaiser's army. In the end, a compromise was achieved: all three parties would continue to make progress down the vast Congo River and each come to their own conclusions on its ultimate fate. Nyota wished them good luck and bid our heroes farewell as they parted ways.

Over the next 300 miles, things seemed to be going to plan, with Anne currently holding the idol. That was until tarantulas crawled into the canoe, forcing the redhead to face her fears and surrender the idol to the German mercenary.

"I alone must keep it," he said.

"Be careful what you wish for," the Belgian adventurer lectured as his eyes darted on the wooden idol.

"What about the canoe piloted by that rabbit and his friends?"

After passing Bukama, Aquedime swam to Fleischmann's canoe and snatched the Shiriki Utundu from his hands.

"You have something zat I have been seeking for many years, and I'm sure King Albert would like to have zis in Brussels," he rudely explained.

And then, more tribespeople threw spears at the Multiversal Circus and the Imperial German mercenary simply because neither of them had the idol.

Just when it couldn't get any worse, two crocodiles rose from the rapids and one of them bit part of our heroes' canoe, while the other made a tremendous splash near Fleischmann, almost biting his head clean off. Arthur Fleck shot and killed one of the crocodiles. The other one simply disappeared.

"I can't help feeling that this whole adventure feels vaguely familiar, with an evil archaeologist and Germany seeking out a magical artifact to try to rule the world," the joker commented. His partners all thought the same thing.

Eventually, all parties saw glowing green eyes artfully painted onto a tree branch. Jax and the rest of his adventure buddies knew that they were almost finished. By contrast, Fleischmann was unsure of where he was. Then, everyone hopped off of their canoes as they gazed at a little village called Mkorofi.

It was now night. Suddenly, all three teams found an empty campsite, as if it was specifically made for them. They couldn't help but feel cold shivers down their spines. Our heroes watched from the behind the trees as the Belgian placed it on a nearby pedestal. What he did not know was that the Mtundu tribe was outraged that their sacred idol was taken, and that he was now its latest victim.

The idol's green eyes shined like emeralds as it came to life. It cackled menacingly, having been disrespected for the last time by a thief. Aquedime fearfully trembled in its presence. Out of sheer rage, the Shiriki Utundu's true might was revealed, as an explosion followed by bolts of green lightning were summoned from above, killing him instantly. Only his charred ashes remained. Little did his ghost know that he was cursed to repeatedly experience the same fate as Harrison Hightower III before him.

The idol disappeared from its pedestal and seemingly out of existence as Fleischmann tried to capture it. Since losing Belzig and von Holderbaum, his mental stability had gradually chipped away like paint flaking off an old wall. Just then, he followed a strange compulsion to head deep into the Congo rainforest. He wandered aimlessly, still obsessively seeking the ancient wooden idol, eventually realizing too late that he was doomed to wander the forest forever.

Once the idol was done terrorizing its latest victim, it reappeared back on the pedestal.

Having completed their task, the Multiversal Circus retrieved the idol from the campsite and returned to Mkorofi, where a celebration was being held in their honor.

It was truly an unforgettable night as Jax fired 3 victory shots in the air from his rifle.

"Good job, everyone!" Ollivander exclaimed. He handed the chief of the Mtundu tribe the Shiriki Utundu for safekeeping.

The air was filled with the sounds of drumbeats and tribal chants as The Multiversal Circus gazed at the night sky above. Our heroes valiantly shouted, "USHINDI!" and returned back to the brightly-colored walls of the Hub.

When they returned, Toothy Maw asked them how their epic adventure went. Everyone seemed to like it a lot, especially Jax.

Returning the idol had been no easy feat after many in-game months in the Congo, so everyone headed to their bedrooms for a nice, relaxing night.

Chapter Text

"Hedwig's Theme" played in the background, while the Harry Potter logo appeared. The morning sun began its ascent, casting its rays of light upon the ancient grounds of Hogwarts.

The Great Hall in the morning was packed with students discussing what the third and final task of Triwizard Tournament would be. Despite its warm, fantastical atmosphere, an undertone of uncertainty loomed above. Our heroes looked like fifth-years, but could still remember their previous quests.

At the Gryffindor table, Arthur Fleck noticed something unusual: he no longer had a gun in his pocket. Instead, he pulled out a 13-inch wand made of holly and dragon heartstring. Clearly, the joker had no knowledge of even the most basic facets of life at Hogwarts or the Wizarding World in general.

"Why do I have a stick?" the joker asked.

"This is a wand," a fourth-year Gryffindor named Neville Longbottom explained. "Have you been Obliviated?"

"I have no goddamn idea what you're talking about! But all I do remember is that I'm one of Gotham City's most feared criminals."

"So you're a Dark Wizard, then?"

"How can I be evil and part of 'Gryffindor'?"

"Well, I'll fill you in on everything you need to know."

Meanwhile, Jax was teasing Draco Malfoy at the Slytherin table. The two of them had quickly become frenemies shortly after meeting one another. The lilac rabbit had currently spread a credible rumor that Draco was madly in love with a pureblood goth girl.

3X0-8L and their friend Anne were chatting with one of the two Hogwarts champions at the Hufflepuff table: Cedric Diggory. He was nearing the end of his seventh and final year at the wizarding school.

The Concept of Theater was at the Ravenclaw table, feeling slightly anxious but overall confident.

Professor Dumbledore suddenly went to his lectern and announced some rather bad news. "Your attention, please!" he began. "Professor Flitwick, your Charms teacher, is quite ill, and is currently recovering in the Hospital Wing. Garrick Ollivander will be your substitute teacher until his health improves."

Everyone cheered as the supercentenarian wandmaker got seated at the Great Hall's staff table. He had already informed Dumbledore of the Multiversal Circus' unique circumstances.

After that, our heroes made their way towards their first class: History of Magic. It was the only one taught by a ghost, and often considered the least favorite class by many a Hogwarts student.

They entered the class, which had a bookshelf on the left and an old blackboard.

"Good morning, my fellow pupils!" Professor Binns began. "Today, we'll be learning about the Goblin Rebellion of 1612."

Almost everyone in the class yawned and dozed off to sleep, except for an observant fourth-year Gryffindor girl. She had light-brown hair, resisting the ghost professor's dull voice. Professor Binns kept droning on about more notable names, dates and places in Wizarding history. As such, almost everyone chose to not pay attention to the lecture and have some fun. Jax, of course, was having a whale of a time by being mischievous. One hour and a half later, the class ended.

Arthur Fleck, Jax, TCOT, 3X0-8L and Anne headed out to their next lesson: Charms with Professor Ollivander.

"What's this? Why are we in some stupid wizard fanfiction? This sucks!" Jax groaned as he rolled his eyes alongside the Slytherins.

"Try to relax, Jax!" The Concept of Theater said from the Ravenclaw side of the room.

"At least I'm a Slytherin now."

"Wait, what?" 3X0-8L asked, hearing him from far away.

Suddenly, Professor Ollivander entered the room.

"Today, my fellow students, we'll be learning about one of the most indispensable spells a witch or wizard could cast - the Levitation Charm, or Wingardium Leviosa."

"Boring, but it's not as bad as that time when Gangle sent me to an anime high school," Jax muttered to himself.

"This charm might seem simple, but it requires focusing and the right pronunciation to pull off. Now, let's begin, shall we?" the wise, old wandmaker explained.

Arthur Fleck had felt quite nervous trying to fit in with the Gryffindors. After Neville taught him everything he needed to know and surviving the tedious lectures of the previous class, he was still getting used to life in the Wizarding World.

As Professor Ollivander demonstrated the wand movement and pronunciation, The Concept of Theater watched intently. She quickly mastered the Levitation Charm.

The professor’s voice filled the room as he continued, “Remember, it’s Wing-GAR-dium Levi-O-sa, with a swish and flick of the wand.”

Arthur reluctantly cast his wand at a feather and he failed, causing the feather to poof away all of its feathers.

Suddenly, a fourth-year student with a lightning-bolt scar on his forehead wearing glasses tapped him on the shoulder.

"I see that you're having a bit of trouble with your spell. Can I help you, perhaps?", he said.

"Who are you?" the joker asked.

"Potter. Harry Potter."

"I am Arthur Fleck. You're the famous wizard Neville told me about earlier this morning."

"I was taught this spell during one of my first days at Hogwarts. As Neville told you earlier, a spell can be casted by saying the incantation and a flick of the wrist. It's quite simple, really."

Most of Arthur Fleck's classmates had quickly mastered the charm by now. With newfound confidence, he pointed his holly wand at another feather and said, "Wingardium Leviosa."

His feather levitated for just a few seconds before it fell peacefully back onto the Gryffindor desk.

After Charms came Transfiguration, taught by Professor McGonagall. The joker entered the class with a bit more confidence knowing that he had learnt the Levitation Charm.

She entered the classroom, her demeanor strict, yet kind as always.

"Today, we'll be learning how to transform owls into opera glasses," McGonagall explained to her students. "Now, this spell is moderately difficult. Let me demonstrate first."

She brought out an brown owl from its cage and put it on her desk. "Strigiforma!" she said, pointing her wand, and the owl instantly transformed into a pair of opera glasses.

Each pupil was assigned their own owl. 3X0-8L was focusing their wand on the owl, while Jax slacked off. Moments later, they had completed their lesson. Professor McGonagall briefly glanced at the cyborg's successful transfiguration.

"Well done, Ms. 3X0-8L," she said. "You have completed your assignment."

Arthur Fleck almost accomplished the task, but his pair of opera glasses had a beak in between the lenses. For him, all seemed lost until a fourth-year redhead offered to assist him.

"Who are you?" asked the joker to the redheaded teenage boy.

"Ron Weasley," he responded. "Just point your wand at the owl, wave your wand in a loop twice and cast the spell."

"OK. Strigiforma!"

Until now, Arthur had not been sure he could pull that off, but it worked. McGonagall was quite impressed when the joker finally accomplished the lesson.

Next, The Multiversal Circus headed down to their Potions lesson with Professor Snape in the dank dungeons of Hogwarts. Despite quickly mastering the Levitation Charm, Arthur Fleck still felt like he didn't belong at Hogwarts.

"Today, we will be learning about the Polyjuice Potion," Snape began. "Who can tell me what it's used for?"

Immediately, Hermione's hand rose up. "The Polyjuice Potion is used to allow the drinker to temporarily assume the guise of another's physical form. I already learnt about it two years ago," she answered snootily.

"Correct, Ms. Granger. Five points to Gryffindor. It is a very complicated potion and requires ingredients such as lacewing flies, leeches, fluxweed, knotgrass, powdered horn of a Bicorn and shredded skin of a Boomslang as well as a bit of whoever the drinker intends to turn into."

Anne was carefully paying attention to the lesson, jotting the recipe in her notebook. The Concept of Theater briefly gazed at Snape, while Arthur accidentally concocted the wrong potion.

Jax stole the Veritaserum potion from Snape's desk and slipped it in Draco's pocket, knowing he would slip out his deepest, darkest secrets if he even took just a drop of it.

Malfoy took a sip of the potion, thinking it was a Polyjuice Potion. At first, he didn't notice anything, until his most embarrassing confession surfaced.

"I'm in love with a vampire goth girl," he unexpectedly blurted out. "I'm not interested in Pansy Parkinson."

Suddenly, Crabbe and Goyle burst into laughter, while the lilac rabbit silently grinned like the Cheshire Cat. Even Anne, the nicest person in the Multiversal Circus, couldn't hold her laughter back, watching his reputation crumble like a cookie.

"Ten points from Slytherin!" Snape shouted, clearly outraged. "I think it appropriate to remind you that this June you will be sitting a important examination, during which you will prove how much you have learned about the composition and use of magical potions."

Then, they returned to the Great Hall for a lunch break. Arthur Fleck was chatting with Harry, Ron and Hermione.

"Who are you?" the joker inquired.

"Hermione Granger," the Gryffindor with light brown hair responded. The comedian-turned-criminal had previously seen her during their History of Magic class. "You must be one of the new students, right?"

"Yes. Even though your friend Neville already told me the basics of wizarding life here, I'm still a bit confused. What is this place again?"

"This is Hogwarts. It is Britain's finest wizarding school for over a thousand years. Professor Dumbledore is the headmaster."

"In all honesty, I feel like I don't belong here," Arthur remarked.

"What do you mean?" asked Ron.

"I once lived in Gotham City, but then I was teleported to a place called the Multiversal Circus," the joker explained. "Toothy Maw is in charge there, and he sent me and my friends here to Hogwarts on some kind of quest."

"Believe it or not, I know what it's like not to fit in," Harry said. "I know this is your first day, but over time, you'll get better at using magic."

"Thanks, Harry," the joker said.

After that, our heroes headed towards the Greenhouse, where Professor Sprout awaited them. The afternoon air grew more earthy as the lesson of the day was about to begin.

"Class, today, we'll be learning about a special plant," Professor Sprout began, pointing at a plant resembling a group of slimy rat tails. "Native to the Mediterranean, Gillyweed is a plant that will allow someone to breathe underwater for up to an hour. When someone consumes it, he or she will temporarily have gills and webbed hands and feet."

Anne, Jax, The Concept of Theater and 3X0-8L each took notes on the magical properties of the plant, showing at least some familiarity with the Wizarding World.

While Professor Sprout was teaching, Arthur Fleck unknowingly pulled out a baby Mandrake from its pot and was rendered unconscious for the rest of the lesson by its wailing.

The redheaded Hufflepuff turned around and informed the professor of the joker's plight. Professor Sprout explained to the rest of her students that the scream of an adult Mandrake could kill, though a baby's could only knock out people for several hours.

Despite that, Arthur quickly recovered.

"Where the fuck am I?" the joker questioned confusedly, still in a daze.

"You're in Professor Sprout's greenhouse in the middle of a Herbology lesson," Anne replied.

Their penultimate lesson was with Professor 'Mad-Eye' Moody, once one of the Minstry's most powerful Aurors.

"When it comes to the Dark Arts, I believe in a more practical approach," Professor Moody began as he pointed at something rumbling inside a closet.

Most of the students where quite startled.

"Would anyone like to take a guess as to what's inside the closet?" the mad-eyed professor asked.

Several students' hands immediately shot up.

"A boggart," Colin Creevey, a third-year student, answered.

"Very good, Mr. Creevey! Now, can you describe the appearance of one?"

"Nobody knows. They shapeshift into whatever a person fears most. That's what makes them so terrifying."

"Luckily, a very simple spell exists to keep away the boggart."

The boggart emerged out of the closet.

"What scares you the most?" inquired Professor Moody.

Colin Creevey's greatest fear was Voldemort, so the boggart shapeshifted into You-Know-Who. The professor taught him how to enunciate the spell correctly.

"Riddikulus!" the third-year student shouted, and it morphed into an infant version of the Dark Lord, complete with a pacifier.

TCOT walked up to the boggart, and it transformed into Jax. She cast her spell, and it wore a maid outfit, with students from every house laughing as hard as they could. Even Draco Malfoy guffawed at the thought of his frenemy in a maid outfit. Various students cast Riddikulus on the various forms of the boggart until only Arthur Fleck remained.

The joker nervously walked up to the incorporeal beast, which now looked like Batman.

"Riddikulus!" he shouted, and the boggart changed to Bruce Wayne in a robbers' outfit, complete with an eyemask. All the Gryffindors, especially the joker, laughed. Now, he had truly won the respect of his house.

After our heroes had dinner in the Great Hall, they headed to the Astronomy Tower for their final lesson. The waning crescent moon shined down like a spotlight and the stars twinkled from above. There, Professor Sinistra carefully observed her students gazing at the night sky through their telescopes.

"Let's talk about Lunar Phases again, shall we? That was a rhetorical question, by the by. My Tower, my rules. Rule number one: No sleeping during class!," she lectured to one of her misbehaving first-year students.

The rest of the class was spent filling in blank star chart maps.

Shortly after midnight arrived, our heroes walked down the steps and into a corridor, where a portal back to the Hub appeared. Professor Ollivander was also there. They hopped in and everything returned back to normal, with their wands and uniforms now fading out of existence.

Arthur knew that it would take a long time, but if he returned to Hogwarts, Gryffindor would always accept him for who he was.

Chapter Text

Arthur Fleck quietly awoke from his sleep one morning. The joker stepped to the door and opened it. He walked down the residential corridor's amber walls, unaware that the big-toothed ringmaster had decided to host breakfast in the Hub.

He eventually arrived at the Hub, which had a black-and-white checkerboard floor. His companions had been waiting for him, indulging in a delicious breakfast banquet cooked by Bill. Anne and TCOT were making chitchat, Jax was always up to his usual shenanigans, and 3X0-8L was eating some waffles.

"Hi, Arthur!" TCOT said gleefully.

The joker sat next to Anne.

"So what are you guys talking about?" the joker asked.

"What quests Toothy Maw might have for us today."

"I've been thinking about this a lot recently, but I miss my wife," Ollivander remarked gloomily.

"Wait, you had a wife before you arrived here at the Multiversal Circus?" 3X0-8L asked.

"Yes. I told Arthur Fleck about the moment when my daughter died when we got trapped at Chillingham Castle together. Only now am I starting to remember her."

"You had a daughter?" Jax asked. "I don't remember you having a family."

"So, how did you meet your wife?" Anne inquired.

"Well, I first met her at Hogwarts in the 1920s," he began as his mind flashed back to his youthful days.

His faded memory resembled that of an old black-and-white movie. Ollivander's younger self, who was currently in his seventh and final year at Hogwarts, walked over to his future wife in a courtyard and said "Hello," to her.

She shyly greeted him back in return. To him, the seventh-year woman felt intriguing and mysterious. Little did the future wandmaker know that a romance would eventually blossom.

"However, what I did not know at the time was that someone else was interested in her. His name was John Fiennes," the old wandmaker explained to his friends at the Multiversal Circus.

Just then, something dawned on our heroes: Toothy Maw hadn't revealed what today's quest was supposed to be. So far, he seemed to have left them to their own devices.

For the first time what felt like forever, everyone left the colorful domain of the Hub for the Festival. The shadows of the Ferris wheel, rollercoaster and a tall slide loomed large over the photogenic pastures.

Arthur Fleck hadn't seen the Pastures since his fateful first day at the Multiversal Circus. The rolling hills were still the same emerald green they'd always been.

The joker couldn't help but reminisce about his time spent with that hunk of a cowboy named Cooper Wayne. He had first met him during their quest to rescue gold from him and his bandit buddies. It was never supposed to happen, but he grew romantically attracted to Cooper. Arthur tried to bring him to the circus as a new member, but Toothy Maw quickly erased him from existence. Despite that, he unexpectedly returned when the joker and his friends were working at Wendy's. He actually tried to flirt with the cowboy, though the ringmaster had wiped his memory clean.

Unbeknownst to Arthur, he also harbored feelings for Anne, the redheaded woman who had been extremely kind to him on his first day at the Multiversal Circus. He remembered how she saved his life at the risk of her near-corruption, and how she taught him about corruption and its dangers.

Jax felt attracted towards 3X0-8L, even though they hated his guts.

The simulated cheering and the aroma of popcorn grew more and more enticing as they headed closer to the festival, enveloping the air around them. By the time they arrived, it was almost noon.

As they entered the roaring laughter of the carnival, TCOT saw a man sitting alone on a bench. He looked unhappy.

"Who are you?" she asked.

"Darius Arvanitoglou," he answered. "Of all the fairgrounds in all the multiverses, you just happen to walk into mine."

"My name is The Concept of Theater, but my friends call me TCOT," the actress responded.

"It's a nice to meet you."

She thought Darius was pretty cute, all things considered.

He joined our heroes as they headed for the first attraction of the day: the tall pink slide that towered above them like a cliff.

Anne went down the slide first, and she screamed happily as she slid down the slide like a bullet.

3X0-8L reluctantly hopped in, and Jax followed their pursuit.

Ollivander hesitated, trembling with fear. Being a wizard, he had never seen even a glimpse of the Muggle world. The old wandmaker reminded himself he had been involved in worse events, and that even the worst spells cast by Dark Magic could do no harm here. He quietly hopped down and enjoyed the quick ride down to the bottom.

TCOT joyfully giggled, then started crying as she glided gracefully down the neon pink slide.

After everyone finished their turn on the slide like kindergarteners at recess, they headed to a section of the funfair filled with several minigames.

The first minigame they played was the shooting range.

"Step right up to win a prize of your choosing!" the vendor exclaimed excitedly, pointing to an assortment of plushies.

Jax went first. Despite being good with firearms, he missed all but one of the targets, and all he got was a lame gift, as did 3X0-8L. Ollivander chose not to participate, thinking it was some kind of scam. Darius Arvanitoglou did surprisingly well and impressed The Concept of Theater, who swooned at him.

Eventually, it was Arthur Fleck's turn, who chuckled menacingly as he pulled out a gun from his pocket. Clearly his mental illness had gotten the better of him after years of abuse, or so it seemed. He pulled the trigger and quickly shot all the cardboard targets.

During lunch, the supercentenarian wandmaker continued narrating the story of how he met his wife, while the actress was busy flirting with her new love interest.

"You see, John Fiennes was good at Transfiguration just like me," Ollivander explained. "Some girls thought he was the most handsome person at Hogwarts."

"What about your wife?" 3X0-8L asked.

"I don't know how she thought about him at the time. Like I said, it was so very long ago."

"Guess what? I think I love the cyborg," Jax said teasingly.

"Shut up, Jax," they replied. "Admit it: you're lying."

Arthur Fleck was eating his burger when he started reminiscing again. Part of him knew that he would likely never see him again, but he also wanted to find him and leave this godforsaken circus. Yet another part of his mind had affections for Anne.

"I can't believe I'm saying this, but I think I have feelings for you," the joker admitted to the redhead. "You've been so sweet, kind and thoughtful, and trustworthy to me."

"Wow, Arthur, I didn't expect you to have an attraction to me," she replied. "I thought you were more interested in Cooper Wayne."

"I am, but we both were there for each other on my awful first day."

Much to her surprise, the joker hugged her.

Darius Arvanitoglou and The Concept of Theater, despite having only known each other for a few hours, were now crazily in love.

After everyone finished their digital lunch, they went on the rollercoaster. Ollivander vomited during the ride, while everyone else felt slightly dizzy after their rip-roaring ride was completed.

Now, they headed to a purple tent, where a variety of carnival acts were occurring.

"Come one, come all!" the NPC ringleader announced.

Jugglers and lion tamers wowed the mannequins. Most of our heroes were bored, except for TCOT and Darius, who took advantage of the darkness to quietly have their first kiss.

After that little performance, they played a few more minigames.

3X0-8L quickly dunked Jax in the tank, and Ollivander dominated the game of darts. Jax quickly got the highest score on Whac-A-Mole and the redhead played skee-ball to her heart's content.

After a long day of fun, minigames and relaxation, there was only one attraction they had yet to ride: the Ferris wheel.

Before the joker got on the car with the redhead, he had a rather painful realization: even if Cooper Wayne returned in a future adventure, he would not be able to remember him again.

Anne and Arthur Fleck both looked at the sky together from their car in the Ferris wheel. The lilac rabbit and the cyborg were jokingly teasing each other in another car, perhaps marking the start of a friendship that could potentially blossom into true love.

"So how did you win the heart of your wife?" questioned Arthur Fleck.

"Ah, yes, now where was I? Time passed, and she grew quite fond of John Fiennes. Of course, I had to give him a challenge to be the best at transfiguration. We both tried to outcompete each other with bigger and more ambitious displays than the last. The turning point was when I managed to nonverbally conjure a flock of elegant white doves in front of her," the wandmaker explained. "She was so impressed by this, that she congratulated me for pulling off such a talented trick."

"Why doves? That's so lame," Jax remarked.

"Doves are her favorite birds," Ollivander explained.

Then the night sky came into being, and our circus buddies left the fairground. The Concept of Theater bid Darius farewell. She offered him a chance to join the Multiversal Circus, but he politely declined. Darius would never forget her, though. After they left, he dropped a fresh rose at the fairgrounds as a memory of his brief romance.

Chapter Text

It was just another scorching hot summer day in Gumbern, the capital of the Grand Kingdom of Hessovell, when King Sallean II was being informed of the current situation in their war against the Aqallenid Empire. Fourteen years had passed since he ascended the throne following his father’s death. He had inherited the political instability that plagued the land since its founding.

"So tell me, Chancellor Lambard, how fares the state of our kingdom?" the king inquired from his throne in the Ivory Palace.

"On the current developments regarding the war, George Tagaien and the Aqallenid foot soldiers have been defeated at a city to the north earlier this afternoon," Chancellor Lambard explained to King Sallean II and Queen Hildegarde, trying to hold tears back. "It is quite possible that Hessovell will cease to exist by sunrise tomorrow. Have you planned any course of action?"

"Regretfully I have not."

Meanwhile at the Multiversal Circus, Toothy Maw had informed our heroes of their newest crusade: save King Sallean II and the Grand Kingdom of Hessovell from an impending invasion. Bill, his assistant, just listened alongside his boss. Everyone was reluctant to participate. As always, 3X0-8L was being grumpy, but they had no choice but to comply with his demands.

The big-toothed ringmaster opened a portal to the mystical world of Praeutia.

"So, we're gonna save the princess from another castle?" The Concept of Theater asked as she was sucked into the portal.

"Of course not," Jax retorted. "Everyone knows the Mario-style plot is too cliche."

On the other side of the portal was Gumbern, Hessovell's capital located in the biggest oasis of the vast Ānōnūhót Desert. They landed in front of the beautiful Ivory Palace. Surprisingly, the palace had no guards posted on the outside, even during peacetime.

Arthur Fleck was confused as to what was going on as they headed inside.

3X0-8L scanned the environment with their robot eye. Being a cyborg had its upsides too.

Soon, they arrived at the throne room. King Sallean II and Queen Hildegarde towered above our heroes from their thrones. The Hessovellese flag, consisting of eighteen red-and-white horizontal stripes and a coat of arms in the center, flanked both sides of the room. The coat of arms consisted of a shield azure, pall reversed argent, all within a bordure argent.

"Your Majesty, we have some more problems," Chancellor Lambard continued. "Not only are your subjects demoralized, but th-."

"Greetings, your highness," Ollivander said.

"Stop, who goes there?" asked one of the bodyguards, as she pointed her spear at him.

"Friend or foe?" asked the other bodyguard.

"Friend," the supercentenarian wandmaker quickly answered.

The bodyguards pulled their spears away from Ollivander.

Hardly any sentiment of unity existed throughout the Grand Kingdom of Hessovell. The eighteen provinces were used to having their own traditions for decades or even centuries. Though Sallean II's father had led his kingdom to victory in the Great Hessovellese Rebellion and the War of Broken Dreams, he left a confused and fractured dominion behind. But after his son succeeded him, nothing compared to a second, and much more devastating, conflict with its greatest rival.

"Why are we even here?" asked the actress, TCOT.

"Toothy Maw informed us of your ongoing war against the Aqallenid Empire," explained Anne.

"One does not simply teleport into Hessovell," Chancellor Lambard remarked.

"I think we have a plan for saving the kingdom," Ollivander told the King.

"What is it?" asked Sallean II, intrigued by the old wandmaker's idea.

He pulled out his hornbeam wand and shouted, "Protego Totalum!"

But the wand didn't work. For the first time in what felt like centuries, the old wandmaker felt powerless.

"Is there any way we can help you, your Majesty?" the lilac rabbit questioned sarcastically.

"There is a nearby citadel called Fort Wringcaster on the western side of the city," the king answered. "Due to the lack of available soldiers in combat, we will sent you and your companions there to train with Sir Pevinn the Brave, the best knight in the kingdom."

Suddenly, a carriage arrived at the north end of the Ivory Palace.

"Goodbye, your majesty," Anne said as she and her friends left the building.

Chancellor Lambard and King Sallean II bid them farewell as our heroes headed on the nearest carriage to the fortress. Both of them headed back inside.

Relations between Hessovell and the Aqallenid Empire had always been contentious ever since the Great Hessovellese Rebellion over 40 years ago. Ever since then, the Emperor Kynthedawg the Mad had always wanted revenge against those rebellious domains that were once his. He believed that their monarchy was nothing more than a cruel joke. By contrast, Hessovell saw its monarchy as equal in power to those in Ažram. By crowning someone of no noble lineage, it was treated like a pariah by most of the world, especially Hyudaq, whose leader felt betrayed that the king would turn their back on their newly-fledged principality.

Eventually, the circus buddies made it to Fort Wringcaster, where the kingdom's best soldiers trained around the clock.

Our heroes entered the arsenal. It was adorned with every weapon conceivable, from swords and bows to spears and magic staves.

"Huh. So, this is it," Jax said. "I'm gonna love this adventure!"

The others reluctantly got suited for battle.

One weapon stood out from the rest. It resembled a silver Christmas ornament with grooves, but instead of a hook at the top, it had a tube. The lilac rabbit gazed at it mischievously. Just as he was about to snatch it, a knight in shining armor walked inside.

"Don't touch that!" the voice warned. "It plays music not from this world."

Jax grabbed a crossbow instead.

"What's your name?" asked the lilac rabbit.

"Sir Pevinn the Brave."

Everyone else got suited up for battle. Arthur Fleck and the cyborg equipped chainmail armor, Anne decked herself out in a quilted tunic, while Jax, Ollivander and TCOT donned leather armor. They all got spears and shields, though our heroes also carried a wide array of other weapons. Anne chose a bow and arrow as her secondary weapon, the cyborg held an axe, the joker wielded a sword, and the old wandmaker surprisingly chose a slingshot.

Back at the Hub in his private office, Toothy Maw was observing the adventure unravelling before his very eyes. He decided to use his CrazyClock to communicate with the Multversal Circus members in Praeutia.

"How's it going, my precious superstars?" inquired the ringmaster quizzically.

"Shut up, Toothy Maw! We're preparing for war!" shouted Jax angrily.

Next came the war room, which was decorated with intricate maps of the kingdom and the world. In the center of the room was a conference table with a crystal ball in the center. All eighteen dukes of the kingdom gathered around.

"So, what caused this war?" Arthur Fleck inquired.

"We want to conquer the Territory of Dazoj, which is part of the Aqallenid Empire," the duke of Taitaśkás said.

"Many years ago, the continent of Ažram started fighting its wars against Lord Elyamagus. We stayed neutral during that conflict," the duke from Ginekyana explained.

"Emperor Kynthedawg the Mad considers our kingdom illegitimate, and he seeks revenge for losing the Great Hessovellese Rebellion," the duke of Catharia elaborated.

Someone cast a magical spell, and the crystal ball began replaying various memories of the past. First was the Battle of Shimmerwatch, which had happened earlier that day. It showed goblins fighting alongside the Hessovellese army. The war began two years before, and since then, it had became as intense as a slow-motion dogfight. As it stood, the Hessovellese were far from united, being the dominion of a king that kept control over independent provinces that didn't really want him in power. They might have a standing army, but they were no match against the most powerful army in Praeutia, or so it seemed.

Meanwhile, the circus buddies trained for the impending invasion alongside Sir Pevinn the Brave. Everyone practiced their combat skills on dummies at the nearby barracks.

Later that night at Fort Wringcaster, our heroes suddenly witnessed thousands of Aqallenid soldiers marching into Gumbern. One battallion held the red, gold and white flag of the Empire. George Tagaien, one of the Empire's most powerful mages, had developed the plan to destroy Gumbern with ruthless efficiency by ordering the whole city to be burned down to the ground.

“Shouldn’t we get into positions?” Jax asked, confidently wielding a crossbow.

"Are you stupid?! Of course we should!" shouted Arthur Fleck as each of them ran out onto the streets.

Havoc reigned over the capital city as mages began casting fire spells. The first target was Fort Wringcaster, home of the Hessovellese Army.

The Multiversal Circus members retreated to the Royal Council Building, where nobles, high-ranking priests and other royal officials would normally congregate to discuss the issues plaguing the Grand Kingdom of Hessovell. It was the only building in the city to have a massive dome, making it stand out like a polar bear in a jungle. But now, it was being pillaged by Aqallenid troops from all corners of the world, from their homeland of Tangtalun to the faraway lands of Lechi and Sudang.

After they looted all they could, enemy mages started burning it all down. The fire spread so rapidly that even the stone walls were completely destroyed as hundreds of royal officials screamed until they dropped dead. In the end, only the dome and the main stairways survived the inferno.

"For Duke Tenneford and Hessovell!" cried Sir Pevinn the Brave as he rode his camel and slew an enemy soldier with his longsword.

Then, the enemy battalion turned to Emberwood Avenue, en route to torch the Ivory Palace. Unlike the disorganized Hessovellese army, the Aqallenid Empire used unicorns in their calvary.

Noticing that they were halfway there, Anne quickly came up with a plan to topple the unicorn.

“Hey, guys, you ever see that really old movie, The Empire Strikes Back?” the redhead asked the rest of the circus buddies.

“Jesus, how old is she?” questioned Jax.

“I don't know!” replied Arthur Fleck.

“You know that part…where they're on the snow planet…with the walking thingies?” Anne said.

"Maybe she's on to something."

Luckily, our heroes found a long sling that enemy foot soldiers had accidentally left behind. She rushed over to the enemy unicorn and used the rope to tie it up. The unicorn tripped over like a newborn baby trying to take its first steps.

"Yes!" exclaimed the redheaded woman triumphantly.

"Come on. Go, go!" shouted Ollivander.

Just then, our heroes entered the Ivory Palace and went inside. King Sallean II was having dinner with his daughter, Princess Hildegarde, alongside Aqallenid soldiers. Meanwhile, the Queen frantically dashed around the palace, trying to rescue as many things as she could.

However, when they arrived it was too late. Arcane fire magic started consuming the walls. The smoke rose higher and higher, growing thicker than the walls of an ancient labyrinth.

"Ollivander, where are you?" shouted 3X0-8L from somewhere within the opaque smoke.

The Concept of Theater ran around screaming her lungs out.

A desk unexpectedly fell through the ceiling, knocking Jax out and removing the crossbow out of his hand.

Arthur Fleck yelled, "At least we're not in Kansas anymore!"

Suddenly, a dragon ridden by the facinorous George Tagaien quickly swooped down from above. Atop his dragon, the bearded mage smiled menacingly as the flickering fire emitted by the dragon consumed the Ivory Palace.

But would our heroes make it out alive, and would they succeed in their mission?

Chapter Text

Toothy Maw was alone in his office.

His latest quest had disappointed the rest of the Multiversal Circus. Desperate to please them, he currently had to create a memorable new adventure as soon as possible.

He remembered some: fast food…the Wild West…haunted castles…finding foxes ‘round the Hub…a soccer match against communists.

Arthur Fleck, Jax, Anne, The Concept of Theater, Garrick Ollivander and 3X0-8L engaged in various scenarios on a simulated field.

Then his mind began thinking up much stranger ideas.

Disconnected images randomly generated as he thought harder. So many ideas, so little time.

Suddenly…

EUREKA!

Chapter Text

Another day began in the Multversal Circus as our heroes gathered around the auditorium of the Hub waiting for Toothy Maw. Yesterday, their quest was to defend the Kingdom of Hessovell from an impending Aqallenid invasion.

"That was such an intense battle," Garrick Ollivander remarked. "It's a miracle we all survived."

However, they were no match against the most powerful empire in Praeutia. The Fall of Gumbern resulted in the city's complete destruction and the Kingdom of Hessovell going into exile. The circus buddies survived the Ivory Palace's blaze, but they failed their mission spectacularly.

"What happened to the king? Did he die?" asked Arthur Fleck.

"No, I think he made it," replied the actress named The Concept of Theater.

Suddenly, Toothy Maw appeared on stage. He looked a bit more frustrated than usual because of the previous quest's failure. "Today's quest is: WHOOPS, WHERE'S MY TRIBBLE?" he began. "Fix the latest problem onboard the Enterprise. "

The ringmaster with teeth the size of an iPhone snapped his fingers and opened a portal to Universe TVS-STT+TOS/215a+3.

Deep in the vastness of space, the Enterprise always ventured where no man has gone before. Currently, the starship was on shore leave at Deep Space Station K7.

Captain Kirk and Spock were having a discussion about a recent shipment of quadrotriticale as Anne and the rest of our heroes entered the bar. Ollivander's mind couldn't comprehend that he was actually in space. His mind was blown, having lived on Earth for his entire life, with no awareness of space exploration. Suddenly, Kirk noticed Ensign Chekov and Lt. Uhura enter the room.

"I see you didn't waste time taking your shore leave," Kirk told his crewmates.

After further discussion with Chekov, Kirk and Spock left the bar. Meanwhile, TCOT noticed a man haggling with the bartender. Anne and Arthur Fleck noticed a cute creature resembling a ball of fluff emerging from one of the dealer's pockets. The redhead had always loved cute little animals.

"It's so adorable. What is it?" Anne asked joyfully as she held the purring fluffy creature in her hands.

"It's a tribble," Cyrano Jones, a merchant specializing in intergalactic goods, explained.

"What's a tribble?"

"The sweetest creature known to man."

"Its purring is extremely soothing. Can I buy it?"

"Yes."

"How much is it?"

"Well, let me see," the bartender said to Jones, still haggling over the price.

Suddenly, Cyrano's tribble escaped and dashed towards Chekov, consuming his packet of quadrotriticale.

"Hey! He's eating my grain!" the Ensign yelled.

The joker glared at Chekov menacingly because he thought he was a communist.

"That'll be 8 credits," Jones told Anne after he was done haggling.

She put up the credits, and the dealer gave her the tribble.

"Guess I'm not the only cute, furry animal here, huh?" Jax said to 3X0-8L jokingly.

Our heroes left the K7 Bar and headed towards the nearest starship. Little did they know that they were about to be responsible for the Enterprise's next major incident.

Kirk and his Starfleet crew were being informed of their latest update in their war against the Klingons. Suddenly, an enemy cruiser was rapidly flying towards the space station. They considered activating Red Alert, but they ultimately decided against it, for the cruiser also went on shore leave rights.

It was the following afternoon when the Starfleet crew was in the rec room. Everyone except Scott, who was reading a technical journal, gathered around the long table observing the purrs of newborn tribbles.

"How long have you had that thing, Lieutenant?" McCoy asked Uhura.

"I saw a redheaded woman buy it yesterday," she answered, pointing to Anne. "This morning, I found out that it had had babies,"

"Well, you got a bargain."

Anne gazed at the newborn tribbles in awe. She picked up one of the babies and cuddled it with her soft hands in an almost maternal way.

"You running a nursery, Lieutenant?" Capt. Kirk asked Uhura.

"Oh, Captain. Well, I hadn't intended to, sir, but the tribble had other plans," she replied.

"A most curious creature, Captain," Spock remarked as he stroked a tribble in his hands. "Its trilling seems to have a tranquilizing effect on the human nervous system. Fortunately, of course, I am immune to its effect."

Everyone stared at the Vulcan, for they realized what he was doing. He put it down and left with Kirk.

"Lieutenant, do you mind if I take one of these down to the lab to see what makes it tick?" inquired McCoy.

"Well, all right, Dr., but if you're going to dissect it, I don't want to know about it," Uhura said.

"I won't harm a hair on its head, wherever that is."

Then, Lt. Uhura announced that she was giving away all the tribbles on board. Jax grabbed one and stuffed it in his pocket.

In the corridor, Kirk told Spock that he was going to the sickbay.

The Vulcan also saw 3X0-8L strolling down the corridor.

"How peculiar," Spock said. "I've never seen a cyborg before."

"And I've never seen an elf before," 3X0-8L said sarcastically as they walked away.

Meanwhile, in the sickbay, eleven tribbles of varying descriptions where in a large container.

"Hi, Jim," McCoy told the captain.

"How many of these did Uhura give you?" asked Kirk.

Only one."

"But you have eleven."

"You noticed that, huh? Here, this ought to take care of it."

"How do they multiply?

"I haven't figured that out yet, but I can tell you this much. Almost 50% of the creature's metabolism is geared for reproduction. Do you know what you get if you feed a tribble too much?"

"A fat tribble."

"No. You get a bunch of hungry little tribbles."

"Bones, all I can suggest is you open up a maternity ward."

Captain Kirk went to the transporter room, where he told Scotty to avoid trouble with Klingons and stick together with the rest of the crew.

Arthur Fleck quickly leapt into the teleporter and unwittingly dropped his revolver. Kirk took it and gave it to Spock for investigation.

"Just found this in the transporter room," the captain said, pulling out the joker's firearm. "How did this get here?"

"Quite illogical, Captain," Spock replied as he took it from his hands. "We definitely have a time traveler on board."

"How is this possible, Spock?"

"The gun, specifically a .38 snub-nosed revolver, resembles those made in the 19th or 20th centuries. There's no way it has remained intact for this long."

"I saw a man with green hair and a red suit drop it in the transporter room. He also seemed to have a disdain for Chekov."

"I'll look into the matter."

Arthur Fleck materialized in the bustling K7 Bar, intent on confronting the Russian ensign.

Business was decent at the K7 Bar. Scott and Chekov took the second-to-last vacant table, while Arthur Fleck sat across them.

Cyrano Jones entered the bar, once again trying to sell tribbles to passers-by and the bartender, while the waitress in yellow gave the Starfleet guests their drinks. Currently, a Klingon officer named Korax walked up to him.

"Those Earthers like those fuzzy things, don't they?" Korax said.

"Yes, they certainly do," Cyrano replied.

Chekov was already on edge from being insulted by Klingons and being watched like a hawk by Arthur Fleck.

"Kirk is a swaggering, overbearing, tin-plated dictator with delusions of godhood," the Klingon officer said.

"Take it easy, lad," Scott warned a frustrated Chekov. "Everybody's entitled to an opinion."

"That's right, and if I think that Kirk is a Denebian slime devil, well that's my opinion t-"

"Don't do it, Mr., and that's an order," Scott told the Ensign.

"You heard what he called the captain," said Chekov.

"Forget it. We're big enough to take a few insults."

"The Enterprise should be hauled away as garbage," Korax rudely commented.

A bar room brawl quickly broke out. Scott's right hand launched the Klingon officer over a table. Madness shined down like a spotlight. The joker took his chance to attack Chekov, and grimaced. He remembered how glorious that Miracle in Moscow was, so why not fight communism again in space?

In the briefing room, ten Starfleet members and Arthur Fleck were lined up. Chekov had a bruise on his cheek from both the Klingon and another injury the joker.

"Who started the fight?" Kirk asked.

"I don't know, sir," a Starfleet member responded.

"All right. Chekov. I know you. You started it, didn't you?"

"No, sir, I didn't," the Ensign said.

"Who did?"

"I don't know, sir."

"I want to know who threw the first punch. You're all confined to quarters until I find out who started it. Dismissed," the captain ordered as everyone except Arthur Fleck and Scotty left the briefing room. "Scotty, not you. You were supposed to prevent trouble, not create it."

"Aye, Captain," Scotty responded.

"Who threw the first punch, Scotty?"

"Um...I did, Captain."

"You did? What caused it?"

"The Klingons insulted us, sir."

"Must have been some fiery insult."

"Aye, it was. Chekov wanted to throw the first punch, but I restrained him."

"Why did Chekov want to start a fight?"

"Well, Captain, the Klingons called you a tin-plated, overbearing, swaggering dictator with delusions of godhood and compared you with a Denebian slime devil."

"I get the picture, Scotty. After they said all this, that's when you hit the Klingons?"

"No."

"What was it they said that started the fight?"

"They called the Enterprise a garbage scow, sir."

"And that's when you hit the Klingons?"

"Yes, sir."

"Scotty, you're dismissed. You're restricted to quarters until further notice."

"Yes. Thank you, sir. That'll give me a chance to catch up on my technical journals." He smiled as the captain walked away.

"Will a man in blue hair and red suit come down to my office right now?" the Vulcan asked over the loudspeakers.

The joker walked to Spock's office, thinking he was doomed.

"What's your name?" asked the half-Vulcan.

"Arthur Fleck," the joker answered.

"Earlier today, Captain Kirk notified me that you had threatened harm against Chekov. I have great reason to believe that you are a time traveler. Why did you try to harm one of our ensigns?"

"I thought he was communist."

"What year do you think it is?

"The year is 1981."

"Your continued rage against a historic enemy is frivolous. The world has changed unrecognizably in the 3 centuries since then. Is anyone else involved with your plot?"

"No."

"Arthur, Before I let you go, I have one piece of advice for you. History is never kind to those who fail to keep up with the times," Spock told the joker. "You are now dismissed."

Meanwhile in sickbay, more tribbles had been spawned.

"What's the matter, Spock?" McCoy questioned.

"Something's off about the tribbles." Spock answered. "I see no practical use for them."

"Does everything have to have a practical use for you? They're nice, soft, and furry, and they make a pleasant sound."

"So would an ermine violin, but I see no advantage in having one."

"It's human to love little animals, especially if they're cute."

"Dr. McCoy, I am well aware of human personality traits. I am frequently inundated by them, but I've trained myself to put up with practically anything."

"Spock, I don't know too much about these little tribbles yet, but there's one thing that I have discovered."

"What is that, Dr.?"

"I like them better than I like you."

Kirk came onto the bridge. When he sat down, he heard a squeak. Suddenly, he realized there were tribbles all over the ship.

"Dr. McCoy, would you mind coming up to the bridge?" asked Kirk as he took a walk around. "Lieutenant Uhura, how did all these tribbles get on the bridge?"

"I don't know, sir. They do seem to be all over the ship," she replied.

"If Lt. Mary Sue were still alive," an unnamed crew member said, "none of this would've happened."

McCoy entered the room, petting a tribble.

"Dr. McCoy," Kirk said.

"Yes? You wanted to see me, Jim?" Bones said. "If we don't get the tribbles off the Enterprise, we're going to be hip deep in them."

"Explain how there's so many of them so quickly."

"From what I can see, they're born pregnant, which seems to be quite a time saver."

"I know, but rea-"

"And from my observations, it seems they're hermaphroditic, reproducing at will."

"Captain, I am forced to agree with the doctor. I've been running calculations on their reproduction rate. The statistics are taking an alarming direction. They're consuming all our supplies," Spock advised.

"But they do give us something, Mr. Spock," Uhura commented. "They give us love. Well, Cyrano Jones says a tribble is the only love that money can buy."

"Too much of anything, Lieutenant, even love, isn't necessarily a good thing," Kirk told her. "Get these tribbles off the bridge."

"Oh no! You can't hurt them!" The Concept of Theater screeched.

"Aye, aye, Captain," Uhura said.

The tribbles swarmed the entire recreation room, from hanging the walls to tampering the food dispensers.

"My chicken sandwich and coffee. This is my chicken sandwich and coffee," Kirk said as he noticed his meal had tribbles on it.

"I'll put these two in the closet over here," Jax said to them as he winked mischieviously.

They're into the machinery, all right," Scott explained as he entered the room with a museum's worth of tribbles, "and they're probably in all the other food processors."

"How?" Kirk inquired.

"Probably through one of the air vents."

"Captain, there are vents of that type on the space station," Spock noted.

"And in the storage compartments," Captain Kirk said.

Tribbles were all over the floor of the transporter room.

"Energize," the captain commanded. This was quite unusual, even for the captain, as Scotty would typically do his duty.

By now, the tribble population had peaked at 1,771,561 strong, after just 3 days of arriving on the Enterprise.

"Jim, I think I've got it," McCoy told Kirk as he began to explain his brilliant plan. "All we have to do is quit feeding them."

"Humor is like food, not everyone gets it," Jax casually remarked.

"Now he tells me," the captain commented.

Soon, the Starfleet crew came across a mound of dead tribbles. They had act soon before the starship became a tribble megalopolis. 3X0-8L was shoveling away the tribbles.

Kirk and Spock teleported to the space station, only to find the bar empty, save for Jones, trapped in a sea of tribbles.

"Jones, I find your lack of xenobiology knowledge disturbing," Spock told the merchant.

"Well, Captain, I suppose I'm free to go now," said Jones unhappily.

"No, you're not. You know what the penalty is for transporting an animal proven harmful to humanity?" asked Kirk.

"Twenty years in a rehabilitation colony," Spock told Jones, "or you can spend 17.9 years purging every tribble on the station."

The captain ordered the merchant to remove every tribble aboard Deep Space Station K7. The Starfleet crew beamed back successfully, and held a celebration in the lounge.

"It was nice to help you during the crisis," Anne chirped happily, though she still missed the tribbles greatly.

Everyone else headed to the bridge to hear about Scotty's good news.

"Earlier today, I just got rid of the last tribble on this entire ship," the doctor explained.

"How did you manage to achieve such a thing?" inquired Captain Kirk.

"I used the transporter. Before they went into warp, I transported the whole kit and caboodle into the Klingon's engine room, where they'll be no tribble at all."

Everyone on the bridge chuckled.

Toothy Maw opened a portal back to the Hub, and our heroes walked back into the colorful tent of the Hub.

Jax secretly snuck two tribbles, hoping to recreate the chaos at home. But as our heroes entered the portal, all the tribbles the lilac rabbit had smuggled vanished into thin air.

"Fuck you, Toothy Maw! This sucks!" Jax yelled helplessly as he headed back to his room in the the residential corridor.