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Unsurprisingly, Stede had been the first one to say ‘I love you’ and it had been a shock to Izzy to hear those words directed at him by someone that looked like he truly meant them.
Izzy had stared at him in awe, but hadn’t said a word, and Stede, that soft, understanding man, had simply brushed away the tears that had quietly started rolling down Izzy’s cheeks as he smiled kindly at him.
Since that day, Stede had repeated those words a few more times, but he had never pushed Izzy to say them back, had never made an unkind remark about his silence on the matter and the thing was, Izzy had wanted to say them back for a while, but every time he opened his mouth to do it a memory sharp as a knife would stop the words from leaving his mouth.
‘I have…. love for you, Edward.’
He remembered very clearly how painful it had been to finally utter those words and how much pain had come after that. How could he forget it when he got a missing limb as a permanent reminder?
In Izzy’s world love had always meant pain. It was a vulnerability that would get you hurt one way or another and had to be avoided, or hidden at least, and even though he knew his life was completely different now, still every time he tried to say those words out loud his chest constricted, taking the air from his lungs and making it impossible for him to speak.
Even the simplest public displays of affection had always made him uncomfortable and Izzy still avoided them in front of the crew, but he looked around him and could see that he was surrounded by people who cared and loved openly and shocking as it was, he found himself wishing he could do the same. He just feared he was too old or too damaged to do it.
Then came the day when Frenchie and Oluwande were captured by the British and Stede came up with one of his insane plans to rescue them. The plan involved sneaking in and out of the British post on the coast quietly and quickly and therefore there was no room for Izzy and his wooden leg in the rescue party so he had to stay on the ship and wait for the signal to pick them up and sail away.
As the crew got ready to leave the ship, Stede and Izzy stood aside for a moment and the captain discreetly took his hand as he promised Izzy they would be coming back very soon with his missing crewmates.
Izzy had agreed to stay behind because that was the sensible thing to do, but so many things could go wrong and he wouldn’t be there to help and Stede could die and Izzy wouldn’t even be by his side to say goodbye and that meant those could be their last moments together. Izzy realized that might be his last chance to tell Stede he loved him so he squeezed his hand and opened his mouth to do it before it was too late.
“Stede, I-I…”
Izzy tried, he really tried, but once again he felt as if he was suffocating as the heavy weight on his chest crushed him.
“I know, darling, I know,” Stede whispered softly, squeezing his hand back. “I love you too.”
That smart, ridiculous man, Izzy thought as he let go of his hand and watched him leave with the others.
It was a long and tense wait, which Izzy spent checking every knot and every sail on the ship just to keep his mind busy, but eventually they saw the signal and sailed to reach the boat that was leaving the port in a hurry as some explosions shook the British post, setting it on fire.
The Revenge fired the cannons as they got closer to the coast, as a warning to anybody who tried to follow them and also because Wee John begged for it, and while the British were still struggling to run away from the flaming ruins, the rescue party reached the Revenge and were greeted with the cheers of their crewmates.
“Not a very subtle escape plan, Captain,” Izzy said when Stede walked towards him as they sailed away.
“But it worked, didn’t it?” Stede replied, smiling broadly.
The man was sweaty, his blonde hair disheveled and his clothes dirty and wrinkled and Izzy had never loved him more. Before he knew what he was doing, Izzy was dragging Stede down by the front of his shirt to kiss him senseless.
It took Izzy a while to realize what he had done, still too focused on Stede’s lips on his, on the feeling of relief now that he was back safe and sound, but it eventually sank in. He was kissing Stede right there on deck where everybody could see and Stede was kissing him back as if they had all the time in the world and no other place to be.
He was kissing Stede in front of the crew and the sky hadn’t suddenly darkened, the ship hadn’t sunk, the crew hadn’t laughed at him. In fact, when Izzy finally pulled back and dared to look around he saw the rest of the crew wasn’t paying them much attention. They were kissing their partners, hugging their friends and smiling broadly because their plan had succeeded and they were all safe and free to live another day.
Some of them were smiling at him, Roach even patted him on the back on his way to the galley, but nobody made a big deal about it. There was no mocking, no weird reactions or signs of disrespect. They went on as usual, which for a crazy crew as theirs meant organizing a big party to celebrate the successful rescue.
Izzy had to put his foot down, though, and delay the party until they were far away from there and he got a few pouts and many complaints because of that, but they still listened to him. Then, when the party finally happened, he joined the crew for some drinks, sang a song about freedom and the sea and kissed Stede under the moonlight right there by the helm.
Life went on.
A few weeks later, while Stede and Izzy were having breakfast in the captain’s cabin, both still a bit tired after a night of little sleep, Stede turned to offer Izzy a plate with some pastries.
“They’re your favorites, Izzy. Do you want some more?”
The bleary-eyed man was smiling at him, clumsily holding the pastries as the sleeve of his robe fell inside his tea, soaking slowly.
“I love you,” Izzy said, the words escaping his lips effortlessly.
There was no crushing weight on his chest, no feeling of dread trying to choke him. Stede beamed at him and Izzy simply took a pastry from the plate and smiled back at him.
“I love you too, darling,” Stede said and he leaned down to place a soft kiss on Izzy’s lips.
They pulled apart and went back to their breakfast and Izzy took a bite of the pastry. They were delicious, his favorites for sure. Stede really knew him well, but that part wasn’t a surprise at all.