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“Okay, so how do you pick up girls?”
Taash set down the bunch of grapes they were eating and squinted in thought. “Usually I put one arm under the knees and one arm across the back. Unless she’s really tall. Then it gets harder.”
Rook sighed dramatically from the floor, where he’d flung himself as soon as he’d walked into Taash’s room. He wouldn’t have been quite so self-indulgent with anyone else, but he also didn’t think he’d be asking anyone else in the Lighthouse for this kind of advice. “I don’t mean like that. I mean, what do you do that makes a girl want to go home with you?”
“Same thing.” Taash shrugged. “Muscles are hot. Works great.” They threw a grape at him. “Too bad you’re so scrawny.”
“I am not,” Rook protested, sitting up to throw the grape back. “I have muscles!”
“Compared to your skullfucker, maybe,” Taash said as they caught the grape in the air. They examined it closely for a moment, then dropped it into an empty mug on the table beside them. “Gross. It’s all fuzzy.”
“Not mine yet. That’s the problem.” It had been four excruciating days since Emmrich had finally responded to Rook’s flirting and indicated that he was interested…and then nothing since then. Well, that wasn’t true. There had been a rumor of a dragon to chase down that had turned out to be a really big lizard, and then Emmrich had left for the Necropolis for a couple of days to sort out some problem with one of his classes, and then Rook had accompanied Lucanis to sort out a situation with Illario and a noble’s daughter, and Bellara found something weird in the Crossroads that none of them were able to figure out without Emmrich anyway. They’d all been busy.
Acknowledging this did not help Rook’s current state of mind at all.
Taash groaned. “I can’t believe you’re making me think about this, but he’s probably thinking all the same things about you right now.”
“Do you think so?”
“No. I think he’s down in some smelly old tomb, kissing a skull and not thinking about you at all.”
“Taash!”
“Maybe that’s the problem. You have too many muscles. Try just being a skeleton if you want him to bone you.” Taash laughed. “I didn’t even mean to make that joke. Okay. He’s supposed to be back today, right?”
“Yeah. I wish I knew when.” Rook picked at the rug. “I think I might get flowers and wait by the eluvian.”
“No, you will not,” Taash snapped. “Look. Obviously it’s not something I need these days, but when I was younger, I had...kind of a method to this thing. I’ll teach you, but you can’t tell anyone about it.” They paused for a moment for emphasis. “And you can’t mess it up.”
“I knew you were the right person to ask for advice,” Rook breathed, sitting up straight. “Tell me.”
Step One: Take A Step Back
“Hey, Rook!” Bellara called across the courtyard of the Lighthouse. “I’m gonna go run some more tests on the anomaly. I figure I’ll run into Emmrich whenever he’s on his way back and he can take a look at it. Do you wanna come?”
Rook gritted his teeth. “Uh, nah, I’ve gotta talk to...Davrin...about...uhh, teaching me some fighting techniques.” This was almost actually true, if Taash’s plan worked out.
Bellara didn’t seem to notice his hesitation. “Okay! If you change your mind, you know where I’ll be.” She bounded off, barely affected by her armful of notebooks and strange devices.
“Yeah, yeah,” Rook muttered to himself. He was sitting on the steps in the middle of the courtyard, trying to read a novel he’d borrowed from Harding. It was hard to focus on it right now and he kept losing his place and rereading the same couple of pages. It didn’t help that he was right in the middle of the sexy part, and the description of the tall, handsome vampire was just making him picture Emmrich. But if Taash was right, he didn’t have too long to wait.
After about fifteen minutes, which felt like two or three hours to Rook, Davrin emerged from his door with a couple of wooden practice swords in hand. Rook pretended to be absorbed in his book and didn’t look up until the elf was right next to him. “Oh, hey, Davrin. What’s going on?”
“Not much.” Davrin dropped the swords with a clatter and sat down next to Rook. “Usually Taash and I do a little practice sparring out here in the afternoons if we aren’t out on business. Have you seen them?”
“They went to Minrathous with Harding to get some groceries for dinner.” That much, at least, was entirely true. Taash had been quite happy to provide that particular distraction.
“Ah, alright. Tomorrow, maybe.” Davrin stood back up and reached for the swords.
Rook set his book down. “If you’re not too picky about your sparring partner...”
Step Two: Act Physically
It was true that Rook did have some muscles, and he was quick on his feet; Davrin commented that they’d have to do this more, since he wasn’t used to fighting smaller, agile opponents. But he was pretty sure that Taash hadn’t taken into account that a little guy who relied on hitting enemies with a dagger as few times as possible was unlikely to have the seemingly endless energy of a warrior accustomed to carrying a shield or wielding a greatsword.
“You’re really making me work for it, Rook!” Davrin yelled as Rook rolled away from a blow that probably would have smashed him to a pulp, even with a wooden sword.
“Yehhhgggh,” he called back. Those were words, right? At least he didn’t have to make an excuse to take his shirt off a few minutes into the process. He was probably past the point of looking sexily rumpled and was instead just drowning in his own sweat. He managed to get back on his feet just in time to dodge another blow and, surprising himself, tapped Davrin’s shoulder with his own sword in a fast counterattack.
Davrin laughed. “That’s what I mean,” he continued, talking while fighting as if he never ran out of breath. “You fight totally differently than me, or Taash, or most Wardens. Really great practice!”
“Uh huh,” Rook panted.
“Anyway, I’m getting a little thirsty. You want some water?” Davrin tossed the sword aside and turned towards the kitchen. Rook managed to wait until his back was turned to collapse on the ground.
“I am going to kill Taash,” he muttered, grabbing his shirt and wiping his face and hair. “Probably knew this was going to happen...teach me a lesson about muscles...”
By the time Davrin returned with mugs, Rook had almost recovered. “Thanks,” he said, taking a drink and then trying to catch his reflection in the surface of the water. Hair wasn’t the worst it could be. That waxy eyeliner Neve had recommended was actually staying on pretty well. Maybe this would work?
A drop of sweat rolled off of the end of his nose and fell into the mug. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.
Step Three: Attain Coolness
It was very possible that he was going to have to abandon the plan. After thanking Davrin for the training, Rook started back towards the library, shirt in hand. He was pretty sure no bruises were showing yet, so if he could just get back to his room--
The door to the building opened just before his hand could reach the latch. Somehow he managed not to pass out immediately from the combination of the workout and the blood rushing to his head, because there he was , right there , Emmrich Volkarin, the only thing he could think about, impossibly tall, smelling of sage and lilac and almost bumping into Rook.
“Rook! My apologies, we were rather absorbed in discussion,” Emmrich said, holding the door open. Bellara bobbed up beside him. “Rook, oh wow, we looked at the anomaly and the professor, I mean Emmrich, thinks it’s a tear into another part of the Fade, and we mapped where we think the other point might be and we’re going to go out and see if we can find another endpoint in the Crossroads. It might be forming more travel bridges on its own because we’re using it so much!”
“Ah,” Rook said. He put a hand against the door to steady himself.
“Yeah! So we’re going to throw a bunch of different things through it and then go look for them. In likely spots, I mean. We’ve got some instruments taking readings now.” Bellara paused. “I guess if it doesn’t go back out into the Crossroads, we might just be throwing rocks with marks on them into someone’s house. Though I think you’d notice if there was a Fade tear in your house. I would. Wouldn’t you?”
“Oh, probably,” Rook said. It was easier to focus on Bellara right now. He leaned against the door a little more.
“I think if there’s just some random tear, people are probably staying away from it. I don’t want to hurt anyone,” Bellara said anxiously. Then she brightened up. “Anyway! I need to go add these notes to the observations I already had, and Professor Emmrich said he had something to talk to you about, Necropolis business or something.” She paused, actually taking Rook in. “Were you out practicing with Davrin because Taash is out?”
“Uh huh.”
“Wow! You’re brave. I watch them sometimes when I’m not busy, and he’s terrifying! Well, see you at dinner. We brought a bunch of vegetables back and I’m going to try making soup, because you know Taash and Harding are just going to come back here with ten kinds of cheese and I can’t eat cheese for dinner for three days straight like they can.” She hurried off towards her workshop.
Which left Rook standing there, sweaty and shirtless (almost as planned), in front of Emmrich (who was being uncustomarily quiet while Fade anomalies were being discussed), and, he realized, in what might have actually been a cool and sexy pose leaning against the door. He steeled himself and lifted his head to meet Emmrich’s eyes.
Step Four: Seduce With Muscles (or, as Taash added, “whatever you’ve got going for you, I guess”)
“So what’s going on at the Necropolis?” Rook asked, looking up. But Emmrich wasn’t looking at Rook’s face. He was, Rook slowly realized, looking at Rook’s chest. The older man lifted a hand and delicately extended a finger, hovering less than an inch over Rook’s chest.
Oh fuck I’m too gross he’s going to kill me with a secret spell was Rook’s first thought. His second thought was What a hot way to die .
“This tattoo. It’s certainly Nevarran, but I suspect I recognize the artist,” Emmrich said. “This is from Barterwyck, the shop on the east side of the city?”
“Uh...yeah, actually,” Rook replied, realizing he was still alive. “That’s...that’s pretty impressive, just recognizing that.”
“Oh, I’m rather a connoisseur of tattoo art.” Emmrich’s gaze moved across Rook’s body (he could almost feel it) to his uplifted arm leaning on the door. This time, he reached out and touched the tattoo on Rook’s forearm. “This one is quite nice. Certainly an artist in Rivain.”
“Yeah. An old retired pirate who’d been doing them all his life. He said whalebone needles were the only way to get that kind of shading.”
“Fascinating! I’d never considered the properties of the bones of different species in such a way. You’ll have to tell me where I can find him someday. I’d love to watch him carve the needles” This time, Emmrich reached out and wrapped his hand around Rook’s other bicep. “And this one is the same artist, of course. Beautiful work. And you’ve got one on your back, also?”
“Yes, I--” But Emmrich was already guiding him and turning him around, for which Rook was grateful, as he was quickly becoming aware that his pants were getting tighter.
“Oh, yes. I don’t think I can place this one.”
“A friend who had trained all over did that one,” Rook said. “A lot of influences.”
“Mmm. Just gorgeous,” Emmrich said. Rook felt him slowly tracing the outlines of the design with his finger. It was fine. Everything was fine. He was still going to die, right here, but from being too turned on. He didn’t have any more visible tattoos, anyway. At least not fully visible...
And that’s when he felt Emmrich’s hand cupping his hip, just above the waist of his pants, where just enough ink peeked out. “Now this one,” Emmrich murmured, his month suddenly right next to Rook’s ear, “I would need to see more of in order to identify it.”
Step Five: Hit That
Rook closed his eyes and tried to remember everything Taash had said about saying something cool at the right time. But he found it completely impossible to think about Taash just then...and realized he should just think about what he wanted to say to Emmrich. He wanted to match that level of very sexy flirting without worrying about sounding cool or being sweaty.
“Well, that one,” he heard himself saying, “is only viewable by private appointment.” Where had that come from? That was perfect!
“Ahh,” Emmrich said, his fingers tightening slightly on Rook’s hip. “I shall have to schedule one. I had certainly planned to do so sooner, but I have been remiss in my communication. I hope I haven’t been confusing.”
“Oh, no! Well...maybe a little.”
“I do apologize, my dear.” Emmrich’s other hand found Rook’s other hip. “Let me make my intentions perfectly clear to you. Might you be available tomorrow evening?”
“So, your system worked perfectly,” Rook concluded. He was back on the rug in Taash’s room, where the two of them and Harding were steadily working their way through a mountain of cheese.
“Sounds like it. I can see a hell of a bruise coming up on your neck, though. Probably should have waited to let Emmrich give you one of those instead of Davrin.” Taash grinned mischievously. “Get out of here and go get ready for your date.”
“Aye, captain.” Rook saluted and scurried out the door. As soon as he was gone, Harding turned to Taash. “Okay, so, both of them asked you to help get the other one’s attention?”
“Yeah. Though Emmrich just wanted some help with timing because he’d had to leave and felt bad about it.” Taash laughed. “But yeah, he was definitely planning to get back here and ask Rook out immediately. Everything after that was just me having fun. Though I can’t figure out why they both asked me?”
Harding smiled. “Come here and I’ll show you why.”