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Tommy takes a slow, deep breath, counting silently to ten. If things keep going on like this, he’s sure his cheek will start bleeding from how hard he’s biting it. His body trembles with tension as he alternates between clenching his fists –so hard that his nails dig into his palms– and gripping both of his knees so tightly that his knuckles turn white.
They are all in the Buckley-Han household for a get-together before the new baby is born. And by all, Tommy really means all of them: Bobby and Athena, Hen and Karen, Eddie, Albert, Josh, Ravi, all the kids, and –of course– the Buckley parents.
The last two are the reason Tommy is trying to contain himself and not explode in anger, frustration, and indignation, knowing that Evan and everyone else would not appreciate him making a scene. Even though Tommy doesn’t see it that way. It wouldn’t be making a scene, it would be defending his boyfriend, the love of his life, from some meanspirited comments.
Tommy’s well aware of how the 118 tend to joke and tease each other, especially with Evan. The first few times Tommy was present for some of it, he would narrow his eyes at them and try to change the conversation or would make sure to compliment Evan in one way or another. It wasn’t subtle at all and Evan himself talked to him about it, explaining that with time he has realized that their jokes and teasing is one of the ways they show him they love him. Evan had added that, in the past, he would sometimes feel hurt about some of the teasing but he no longer does. Tommy had reassured him that it’s ok to feel hurt by it and that he should speak up if they ever do it again, and if he couldn’t, then Tommy would do it for him. Evan had smiled and kissed him sweetly.
However, the ‘teasing’ and ‘joking’ that the Buckley parents are doing is a different thing altogether. As Margaret giggles in that annoying high-pitched way, Tommy cringes and grits his teeth. He can already feel a headache coming and it’s still way too early in the night.
Staring at the rest, he sees that they are uncomfortable, especially Maddie which makes sense since –according to Evan– she’s the one that brought them back into their lives, but they all look helpless as if they don't know what to do. Howie and Bobby keep trying to move the conversation away and put attention on the baby, food, or something else but it’s not working as well, or at all.
Evan is laughing it off, pretending it’s ok, but Tommy knows him well, like the palm of his hand. He knows all his tells, what truly makes him laugh, what makes him giggle uncontrollably, what makes him cry, what makes him feel fear, what makes him cringe, what makes him frustrated, and what makes him moan and groan in pleasure. And now, Evan keeps hunching his shoulders and making himself smaller, his smile is stiff and so clearly forced that Tommy wonders how his parents can't see it, his eyes have lost the usual spark that Tommy loves, and he keeps fidgeting with the wine opener.
“I’m telling you,” Margaret says, chuckling. “He was the worst… didn’t listen to anybody!”
Philip laughs and nods. “Don’t know how he came out to be so impulsive and such a rascal! And he’s still like that!”
“Acting up, not thinking at all…” Margaret laughs.
Having had enough of it all, Tommy exhales noisily and gets ready to tell his piece of mind. No one gets to talk about Evan like that, especially not those people. They might hate me for it, but fuck it! I don’t care, Tommy thinks as he stands up.
However, just as Tommy opens his mouth to talk, a firm voice beats him to it.
“Stop!” Evan says coldly.
“Evan… what?” Margaret asks, bewildered.
“Nothing of what you’re saying is funny, so just stop!” Evan replies, looking at both of his parents.
Pleasantly surprised, Tommy walks over to Evan and stands just behind him by his side, in silent support, crossing his arms in front of his chest.
“I’m good at following orders and working with others! Also, I’m really smart, ok? I come up with great ideas and solutions during calls and we have saved lives with some of them. I have it all, I have brains and brawns,” Evan continues. “Yes, I used to be impulsive, and sometimes I might still be, but overall, I always think things through. I know when to follow my instincts and when not to. I no longer jump without looking! And you would know all about it if you actually cared enough to get to know me!”
“Son…” Philip interjects, looking somewhat sorry, though Tommy thinks he’s probably just embarrassed.
“No,” Evan shakes his head. “All my life, I felt small and like I wasn’t good enough… God! I even felt like that a couple of years ago when I found out about Daniel, but not anymore! I know my worth, I like who I am, and I don’t need you coming here and making me feel bad about myself.”
Tommy gazes at Evan with what he’s sure are heart eyes. He’s incredibly proud of him and he can’t wait to tell him. He briefly glances at the others and they all look just as proud, and he is glad.
“You want to be involved in your grandkids’ lives, that’s fine. But if you actually want to be part of mine, then you need to stop with your ‘teasing’ and just be better parents to me, for once,” Evan finishes, his voice steady. His chest rises and falls with quick breaths, the only sign that he’s affected by what he just said and did. But, otherwise, during this entire time, he has remained calm and composed, never raising his voice.
Lacing their fingers together, Tommy smiles at Evan when he looks at him, and he hopes his eyes convey all the love he has for him. Evan smiles back and squeezes his hand, their gazes locked into one another.
Their moment gets interrupted when Margaret starts to stammer an apology, and soon Philip joins in as well.
Evan half-heartedly accepts their apology, and the night continues as if nothing had happened. Well, except for the lingering awkwardness and the way that both Margaret and Philip tip-toe around Evan and Maddie.
Tommy remains by Evan's side, holding his hand, wrapping his arm around Evan’s waist or shoulder, trying to make him laugh and have a good time.
By the end of the night, as he watches Evan say goodbye to Maddie, he thinks he did an ok job.
—
Once they reach Evan’s place, Tommy suggests they take a relaxing bath or just a shower to wash away everything. With a loving smile, Evan accepts and that’s how they find themselves standing in Evan’s somewhat too small for the both of them shower. Still, they are making it work.
As Tommy massages shampoo onto Evan’s hair, Evan timidly asks, “Do you think I was wrong?”
Gently, Tommy turns him around so they are facing each other and vehemently says, “Not at all, love! I think you were brilliant… I mean, the way you stood up for yourself? I’m so proud of you!”
“Yeah?” Evan peers at him from his eyelashes.
“Absolutely!” Tommy nods with a smile and cups Evan’s cheek. “You were amazing… you are amazing!”
Evan rests his forehead against Tommy’s and smiles at him. “You know… yes, the 118 and the family we have built in the station throughout the years have helped me a lot to be more confident in myself and to accept that yes, I’m worth loving. And therapy has obviously helped as well. But… you have also played a big, no… a huge part in that.”
“Me?” Tommy questions, surprised.
“Yes, you!” Evan laughs and kisses him softly. “I don’t know… you just, you have never made me feel bad about myself. Sure, we might banter and tease each other but you never make me feel as if I’m not enough or as if I’m stupid or…” Evan shrugs his shoulders. “I mean, we hadn’t been dating long and you took care of me, and slept on my small couch. And even though you thought I was a tiny crazy for believing I had a curse, you helped me arrange a funeral, went to the cemetery with me, and wore a suit!”
Looking down, Tommy chuckles.
“You even kissed me when I had boils all over my face,” Evan continues.
“You still looked beautiful and adorable,” Tommy tells him.
“See?” Evan grabs him by the shoulders and shakes him lightly. “You just say things like that all the time and I just…” Evan sighs. “I just love you a lot.”
“I love you too, Evan,” Tommy says softly. “I’m glad I’ve helped you believe you deserve love, but more than anything, I’m glad you’ve come to that realization on your own.”
Evan shakes his head. “Ok, well… finish with my hair, please!”
“Yes, sir!” Tommy teases him.
With his hands back on Evan’s hair, Tommy whispers into his ear, “Thank you for choosing me to love you.”
“Tommyyyyy!” Evan groans, throwing his head back.
“What?” Tommy laughs.
“Ugh, you’re impossible!” Evan whines. “You already have me and I will have sex with you tonight, so stopppp!”
Wrapping his arms around Evan’s stomach and resting his head on Evan’s shoulder, Tommy tells him, “I won’t stop ever!”
Evan turns his head and they share a lingering kiss.
“You know what?” Tommy murmurs against Evan’s lips.
“What?”
“Right before you stood up for yourself, I was about to defend you and rip your parents a new one.”
“Seriously?” Evan turns back around again to face him.
“Yeah, of course,” Tommy says with a smile. “I will fight your parents for you… and I will win as well.”
“Oh my god!” Evan chuckles. “I would have loved to see that, actually!”
“Maybe next time, yeah?” Tommy winks at him cheekily.
“Definitely.” Evan nods, beaming at him.
They continue to shower, Tommy gently rinsing the shampoo from Evan’s hair, then applying conditioner before softly brushing through his curls. He tenderly soaps Evan’s body and once the water washes all off, he kisses him.
Soon, the kiss grows heated, their hands start to roam each other's bodies and, without caring about leaving a trail of water, they stumble their way towards the bed.
“You were so hot tonight,” Tommy mutters while leaving a trail of scorching kisses along Evan’s neck and collarbone.
“Yeah?” Evan gasps out, arching his back. “Show me how much it affected you?”
“It’ll be my pleasure,” Tommy promises.