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Ever since Marinette stepped foot in his apartment, she has been running around. Picking up boxes, sorting through their content and tidying up. As for Adrien, he just sits there. Overwhelmed.
Sure, he doesn’t mind her blabbering that much, especially since that means he doesn’t have to say anything, but to every ‘’Where do you want this ?’’ Or ‘’Maybe you could put shelfs here’’, he simply shrugs.
She is like a tornado, ripping apart every pieces of him, trying to patch him up somehow. ‘’Would you like a blue wall ? Over there’’ she asks with a smile.
‘’I… I don’t know…’’
‘’Mmmh’’ she thinks, holding a piece of sky blue paint swatch to the wall ‘’Maybe not with this lighting… Oh, we could go Sage green ! I can’t wait to get my own place, I’ve always wanted a kitchen with a Sage green feature wall !’’
He knows she means well and he’s trying so hard to keep it together, but her voice just gets louder and louder.
‘’Did you eat your croissant ?’’
Adrien looks at the empty paper bag at his feet.
‘’Yay ! Good job !’’
She’s pitying him. The fake happiness: it’s worst than Luka.
Adrien closes his eyes and breathes out. The young man let’s himself fall on his back, letting his body be engulf by the mattress.
He can’t even fake a smile or a laugh. All he can do is just lay there, quietly, and wait until she leaves.
Marinette paces around the apartment, picking up stuff on the floor.
‘’What about this ? Where do I put it ? ’’ Marinette asks. ‘’Adrien ?’’
The young man opens his eyes. Above him, Marinette is holding a ring between her thumb and her index. He jolts up and grabs his Miraculous from her.
‘’Don’t ! Just… Stop touching my things.’’
‘’I’m sorry’’
‘’This is not helping ! I don’t know what colour I want, I don’t even know what I like ! I don’t… Just… You can’t fix me ! You can’t touch my things, you can’t- And stop congratulating me for dumb fucking things. I’m not a fucking toddler ! I- I know you mean well, but this is… Just…’’
‘’I’m sorry.’’ She says with a small voice. ‘’I just… I can come back later… Or, not.’’ Marinette continues, picking up the empty cups of coffee. She takes her bag and flings it over her shoulder.
She is hurt, Adrien can tell. He hates himself for doing this to her. The young man takes a deep breath and curls his body on himself under the covers. All he can hear are Marinette’s footsteps going toward the door. He hears her sigh ‘’Adrien… I… I’ll go take a walk, I think I need air. I’ll be back… Later. Is that okay ?’’ But she leaves without waiting for his answer. The young woman closes the door behind her, leaving Adrien in the dark, again.
He’s pushing her away like his father did with everyone else.
He’s turning into his father.
He is his father.
The Agreste name will always follow him. He is nothing more than his father’s creation. A perfect embodiment of his father’s desire.
A literal model.
A pawn.
The thoughts are running through his head, spinning in an endless circle, weighting his down, tying him to his bed.
His mind, his limbs and his heart are heavy.
What good is a pawn, alone ?
The weight in his chest just keeps growing. His fingers are numb, his head is buzzing and he feels like he’s on the edge of a precipice, of a void that will, inevitably, swallow him.
Seconds become minutes, time flies by, the sun is getting lower in the sky and he, yet again, lost another day.
His phone buzzes.
MARI: I’m sorry. I’m just so scared and I don’t know how to help you. Let me know if you want me to bring you anything or if I can come around some times.
ME: Please come back. I’m sorry.
His fingers tremble as he hits send. The odds of her coming back are very slim, but he’s willing to take the risk.
He needs her.
When Marinette walks in for the second time that day, she isn’t holding anything. No food, no drinks, no paint swatches. Adrien sits up on his mattress and looks at her. ‘’I’m so sorry’’ he says. ‘’I’m such an asshole’’
‘’Adrien, it’s fine’’
‘’No, you don’t deserve to be treated this way. Never let anyone talk to you like I did, please’’
Marinette smiles softly and walks to him. She sits before taking his hand. ‘’I’m fine. I’ve just… Never been in this situation. I think I just… I went into solution mode, instead of listening to you’’
He doesn’t say anything.
Ironic.
Marinette lets go of his hand and just looks around, silently.
‘’Everything feels so uncertain’’ Adrien starts ‘’Like… I could juste… Lose everything. What if there are other secrets ? What if… Heck, what if my f… Gabriel Agreste is not even dead ?’’
The young woman thinks for a moment.‘’I understand, but you can’t go through life thinking about ‘what ifs’ all the time. There are uncertainties, but aren’t there things that are… Certain ?’’
Adrien shrugs.
‘’Well… Tell me one thing you know like’’
‘’I told you, I don’t know.’’ He replies, annoyed.
‘’One single thing. Anything. A flavour, a smell, a-a sound’’
The wind on his face when he runs on Paris’ rooftops.
The feeling after winning a hard battle.
Conversations with Ladybug.
Luka’s lips.
But that’s not anything he can say to her.
‘’Here, let me tell you one thing I like’’ she starts ‘’When there are no seeds in my grapes’’
Adrien stares at her, silently. Seedless grapes ? Seedless fucking grapes. ‘’That’s fucking stupid’’ he lets out.
Marinette frowns at him.
‘’Shit, sorry’’ he says ‘’I’m just…’’Adrien sighs and slides his hands on his face ‘’Uh… I like when the peach tea is in stock at the convenience store ?’’
Next to him, Mari is beaming. She quickly pinches her lips as if to stop herself from congratulating him on another stupid ‘victory’. ‘’Alright’’ she simply says.
‘’I- Not being recognized in public ?’’
Lucky for him, this is happening less and less since he spends all his time in his apartment. But when he moved out of the Agreste Manor, the tabloids made it impossible for him to just… Live.
Adrien Agreste Kicked Out of The Family Home !
Will Adrien Agreste Inherit the Family Wealth ?
The Tragic Life of Adrien Agreste: Son of a Terrorist.
Will Adrien Agreste Survive Living Without His Family’s Fortune ?
Adrien looks over at Marinette, searching for a sign. A validation. She blinks ‘’Good’’ she simply says.
‘’I- uh’’ a soft smile appears on his lips ‘’I used to like when I’d go over to Nino’s and he’d make me watch these ridiculously old movies. I always complained, but honestly, I did… I liked them’’ He hates himself for pushing Nino away so much. He’s always been there for him. Convincing his dad to let the celebrate his birthday, making sure he was never alone. Nino had been his first real friend. ‘’One time he made me watch this one-shot movie about Alexander I and he spoke the whole time about the camera work’’ he recalls, laughing slightly.
‘’I’m not surprised’’ Marinette snickers.
‘’Yeah… But that’ll never beat the time… God, you know the movie White Chicks ?’’
‘’Uh… Sure ?’’
‘’Nino bought edibles and we hate them right before putting the movie on. I have never laughed harder in my entire life. We were just… Staring at the screen as if it was a masterpiece.’’
He can see Marinette’s smiling, even through her confusion.
God he misses Nino. He misses spending time with him, the absolute chaos he brings around him.
Chaos.
Adrien bites the nail of his thumb. He misses Plagg.
‘’You know he misses you’’ Marinette says after a moment.
‘’Uh ?’’
‘’Nino’’
Oh.
‘’Nino ? I just saw him last week’’
The young woman looks at him. He knows it’s not the same. ‘’We all miss you’’ she says ‘’Last semester, we were all focusing on our classes, but we still… You’re not the most talkative, Adrien, but we know you. Ever since… Ever since words got out about your Father and Mayura, you’ve just shut yourself away.’’
‘’What else was I supposed to do ? My whole life is a lie !’’
‘’We know, we didn’t expect anything else. But we want you to be happy. We want to help you.’’
‘’Why? How can you still be friends with someone who’s barely human ? I’ve never been anyone. I’ve just been a puppet. I was born to be a puppet !’’
‘’You’re more than that, Adrien. You’re kind, funny, goofy, patient and you see the best in everyone. You’re my best friend and I don’t care about anything else. Alya loves having deep philosophical debates with you, I love when we play video games and Nino is literally obsess with you’’
Adrien just stares at the wall in front of him. How can Marinette be so nice to him, even after he’s been awful to her ?
Silence slide between them. He doesn’t know what to say. Nothing feels enough.
As he’s about to spiral in another internal monologue of self hatred, Marinette puts a hand on his shoulder. He blinks and anchors himself back to reality.
Marinette’s touch is real, her sweet smell is real.
‘’You know what’s great about paint ?’’
Her voice is real.
Adrien shrugs.
‘’If you don’t like it, you can just paint over it. Nothing is set in stone. It’s just paint.’’
A sigh escapes his lips.
‘’I think’’ Marinette continues ‘’That narrowing it down to one thing is too much right now. Trials and errors might be the way to go’’
Adrien turns his head to look at her. Her friendship is real.
‘’Yeah, maybe I could just… Embrace the void’’ he replies.