Chapter Text
Yujin knows he should feel happy for Ollie. The boy had worked hard throughout Boys Planet, and no doubt worked even harder on Asia Super Young. So why does it hurt so bad to see Ollie uploading pictures with his new group? Why does Yujin feel fire burn through his chest when he remembers that they were supposed to debut together after his contract ends?
It already hurts enough to remember how he and Ollie stopped speaking as much once the older’s new show started. It hurts even more when he realizes that all the time they used to spend texting and calling has probably been forgotten by his best friend. The thought of being left behind makes his bones settle with a chill that he’s become quite familiar with these past few months.
Avoiding his responsibilities became almost second nature to him, instead of studying after school he spent his time staring at the old messages between him and Ollie, analyzing every word, every emoji, every overly friendly i love you text that the older had sent him. Back then he didn’t think much of it, but now it makes his stomach churn with what feels like butterflies.
Now- despite what the older members think, Yujin isn’t stupid. He knows what this feeling is. He’s known that he liked boys since before he even stepped foot into Boys Planet. But he never saw the point in letting anyone else know. As far as his members and even his friends were concerned, Yujin is just a straight boy who doesn’t really care much for relationships. But that really couldn’t be further from the truth.
Yujin had always told himself that he’d be okay with Ollie going off, finding a group to call his own. It wasn’t like he didn’t see it coming—Ollie had that spark that drew people in, that undeniable charisma that just caught people’s eyes . But watching it unfold in real-time, seeing Ollie compete in a show without him… felt like he was slowly being erased from the older boy’s life.
He sighed, scrolling through Ollie’s latest Weibo post. The picture showed the boy’s members laughing, arms slung over each other’s shoulders like they’d been friends for a lifetime. Ollie was in the middle, his bright grin just as Yujin remembered it, but something was just off about the older boy. This new group didn’t fit him, the aesthetic was too dark, too mature to fit Ollie.
The muffled hum of his group mates chatting and nodding along to Hanbin’s plans made him feel like a ghost in the room. Occasionally, someone would throw him a glance, but no one said anything. They’d learned by now that Yujin didn’t really want to talk lately, and pushing him usually led to awkward silence or half-hearted excuses about being tired.
“Yujin, did you hear that?” Hanbin’s voice finally jolted him back to reality, stopping his spiralling thoughts of how much the older boy had changed in the year of separation.
“Huh?” Yujin blinked, realizing he’d been zoning out. Everyone was gathered in the practice room, their leader looking at him with a mix of concern and mild frustration.
“We were just talking about the next few weeks being open,” Hanbin said gently, but his eyes carried the weight of unspoken worry. “Are you okay?”
Yujin forced a smile. “Yeah, sorry. I didn’t sleep well last night.” It wasn’t entirely a lie—he’d spent most of the night debating whether he should reach out to Ollie. But what would he even say? Hey, I miss you. Do you still think about me? The thought made him feel pathetic.
The practice dragged on, and Yujin found himself going through the motions, his mind elsewhere. Afterward, while the others joked around and planned a late-night meal, Yujin slipped away to the dorms.
He collapsed onto his bed, staring at the ceiling. The familiar loneliness crept in, wrapping around him like a cold blanket. His phone buzzed on the nightstand, and for a brief, foolish moment, he thought it might be Ollie. But it was just a message in the group chat, Jiwoong sharing some random meme he had found from their fans on Twitter.
Yujin sighed, his fingers hovering over Ollie’s chat window. The last message he’d sent had been months ago—just a simple “Congrats on finally debuting! I always knew you could do it hyung :DDD.” Ollie had replied with a short “Thanks yujinnie! Let’s catch up soon <3,” but that was it. The “soon” never came.
Before he could overthink it, he typed out a new message.
Hey! Ik its been a while… i saw your performance the other day. you did really good! still wanting to catch up???
He stared at the screen, his thumb hovering over the send button. But then the doubt crept in. What if he was bothering him? What if Ollie had gotten bored of him?
With a frustrated groan, Yujin deleted the text and tossed his phone aside. He buried his face in his pillow, wishing he could stop the ache in his chest.
The night passed quickly and Yujin woke up to the sound of movement around in the dorm. Jiwoong and Ricky were laughing about something in the kitchen, while Hanbin and Matthew were already discussing the day’s schedule. Yujin groggily reached for his phone, the first thing on his mind being whether Ollie might have reached out overnight.
Nothing. The empty notifications screen stared back at him, and his heart sank.
He pushed himself up and shuffled to the bathroom. Splashing cold water on his face, he stared at his reflection. His tired eyes and disheveled hair were evidence of another restless night. He couldn’t keep doing this—losing sleep, losing focus, losing himself over someone who probably didn’t even think about him anymore.
By the time practice rolled around, Yujin was determined to throw himself into work. If he couldn’t control his feelings, at least he could control how much they affected his performance. He pushed himself harder than usual, earning a few raised eyebrows from the members.
“You okay, Yujin-ah?” Jiwoong asked during a water break, handing him a bottle. “You’ve been zoning out a lot lately.”
“I’m fine,” Yujin said quickly, forcing a smile. “Just trying to keep up with you guys.”
Jiwoong didn’t look convinced, but he didn’t press further. Yujin was grateful for that—he didn’t have the energy to explain the knot of emotions he’d been carrying around.
Later that evening, after practice, Yujin lingered in the studio while the others headed back to the dorm. The quiet hum of the room was comforting, as he sat on the floor, scrolling through Ollie’s old messages again. It was a habit he hated, but he couldn’t seem to stop.
One message stood out among the rest:
no matter where we are you’ll always be my best friend yujinnie
Yujin’s chest ached as he reread the words. Back then, it had felt like a promise. But now, it felt like a distant memory, like something fragile that had slipped through his fingers.
The door to the studio creaked open, and Hanbin peeked inside. “Yujin, you’re still here?”
“Just needed some time to think,” Yujin admitted. Hanbin stepped inside, closing the door behind him.
“You’ve been off lately,” Hanbin said gently, sitting beside him. “You don’t have to tell me everything, but... if something’s bothering you, we’re here for you. I’m here for you.”
Yujin hesitated, his fingers fidgeting with the hem of his hoodie. “It’s... complicated I guess,” he finally said. “Someone I care about is... moving on, I guess. And I don’t know how to deal with it.”
Hanbin nodded slowly, his expression thoughtful. “Ah, another trainee I’m guessing?”
He nodded, grateful that he didn’t have to spell it out for the older.
"You'll figure it out. I'm sure it's not what you're thinking it is." His silent nod in response seemed enough for Hanbin, as the older stepped out of the room leaving him to his own thoughts again.
Later that night, back in the dorm, Yujin picked up his phone again. This time, he didn’t overthink it.
yuyu
Ik it’s been a while but I miss you. Hope you’re doing okay.
He hit send before he could second-guess himself. No matter what happened next, at least he’d tried. He could be left on delivered forever but at least he wouldn’t have to deal with the guilt of knowing he didn't put any effort to save them.