Chapter Text
“I just can’t believe it, Bill. I’m trying to rule the world with you, and then all of a sudden, two little girls show up at my doorstep! I don’t even know how to take care of children!”
“Uh huh.” Bill says.
“And I don’t even have the resources to do so! I used all my college grant money on that portal. What do I do about these kids?”
“Well, you could leave em to me.” Bill says. “I’m sure I could figure out a way to get them off your hands!”
“Bill, I’m not just going to let you kill children for no reason.”
“Oh come on Fordsy! You’re no fun!”
“Killing children is not fun.” I argue. “Killing adults, I guess I can sometimes get on board with, but not children. And especially not my nieces.”
“Sixer, children are just little parasites! You obviously want me to get rid of them!”
“No, I don’t want you to get rid of them. Also, you can only interact with the world while possessing others. Calling something else a parasite seems a bit hypocritical.”
“Yeah, while you need me too! Admit it Sixer, you’d be a mess without me!”
“I’m not so sure about that…” I say. Sure, Bill is helpful, but I was doing just fine before I summoned him. Suddenly, everything around me starts to fade.
“Bill, I’m waking up.”
“See ya later Fordsy!”
I wake up on the couch, one of the kids shaking my shoulder. I immediately know it’s Mabel by the annoyingly bright outfit she wears.
“Uncle Ford, Dipper found something cool!” She exclaims.
“Okay, what is it?” I ask.
“What does this carpet do?” Dipper asks, holding my electron carpet. “I found it in your room and it’s labeled ‘Experiment 78’. I wanna try it out!”
“No, you do not want to try it out.” I say, taking the carpet from her.
“But what does it do?” Dipper asks. “I need to know! Wait- do you also not know?”
“I know what it does and I do not want to use it!” I say. I have no desire to be in the body of a 12-year-old girl.
“Uncle Ford, I found glitter in your cabinet!” Mabel yells from the other room. “Can I eat it all?”
“No!” I exclaim. “No eating glitter!” At least Dipper is tolerable, but all Mabel seems to do is get into mischief.
“Uncle Ford, can we investigate the mysteries of Gravity Falls together?” Dipper asks, holding up Journal 2.
“No!” I take the journal from her. “Stop rooting through my stuff!” I have no clue what to do with the children. Why did Shermie not inform me before sending them to me?
“Girls, we need to talk.” I say, leading the kids to the dining room table. “Set down some ground rules and figure out why Shermie sent you here in the first place.”
“Rule number one, no eating glitter.” I say with a pointed glance at Mabel.
“Rule number two, no looking through other people’s stuff.” This time I look at Dipper.
“Sorry Uncle Ford.” Dipper says. “But I really just want someone else who likes the paranormal.”
I suppose Dipper isn’t that bad, once she stops taking my things.
“Sorry not sorry!” Mabel exclaims. “I’m gonna go get that glitter!” She rises from her seat and rushes towards the cabinet, but before she can get far, I grab her by her ridiculously long hair.
“Ow! My beautiful hair! You’ve betrayed me!” I pull Mabel back into the seat.
“Don’t run off again.” I tell her. “Why are you even here, anyway? It’s the middle of January. Shouldn’t you be in school?”
“Dad said some fresh Oregon air would be helpful for Mabel.” Dipper says. “She escaped from boarding school last year, so our parents tried a different approach for her behavior issues.”
“Behavior issues. I can certainly see that. But why are you here, Dipper?”
“We can’t be separated.” Dipper says, which explains nothing. “Twins, you know?” I do know. “Also, I hate school. I’d much rather be out here, going on missions and studying the paranormal with my uncle.”
“This is my work only.” I say. “I’m not going to involve a 12-year-old.”
Dipper looks disappointed, but doesn’t protest.
“We should do family bonding activities!” Mabel suggests. “Karaoke night!”
“We’re not doing karaoke night.” I think back to the night with Bill, but stop myself quickly. Some things are better left forgotten.
“Come on, Uncle Ford.” Dipper begs. “Pleeease?”
“Fine.” I say. “But no BABBA.”
“Darn it.” Dipper grumbles.
