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Lizzie feels warm. The mid-spring breeze blows softly and the nighttime air smells like salt and the blooming flowers local to whatever island Shadowbeard’s crew is currently docked at.
Well, Shadowbeard’s crew, and others. Others, one in particular, who looked at Lizzie with golden eyes and a cocky smile. One who was walking right next to her in the moonlight on the way to the inn where Lizzie is staying for the few days they’d be staying on the island. One who had invited her to spar with a laugh in her voice and they would fall into a familiar routine, only this time she adds that she’s on leave, and doesn’t have to worry about running into her soldiers when they fulfill their tradition of the loser buying drinks.
Ava had lost, if you can even call it that, this time around. They had been dancing more than fighting, dodging Lizzie and egging her on with comments here and there about Lizzie’s improvement and her form. When they had hit, it was more of a pat than anything, lacking the usual power that she knew they were capable of.
“C’mon you can hit better than that, are you even trying?” Lizzie said, trying to egg them on.
“Maybe I’m letting you win, ever consider that?”
“Don’t insult me, Ferin.”
“Would you prefer I do the opposite?” Ava said with a wink.
“Just- Shut up, and fight.”
“Lafayette, you know I’m talented enough to do both!” Ava laughs. “You’ll have to make me shut up if you want that.”
Lizzie ignored the way she felt her face flush, pushed down the smile she felt in response to Ava’s giggling.
The fight was over soon after, as soon as Lizzie realized that they were going to end up drinking together regardless, and Ava said she’d pay out of the “kindness of her heart,” not because she had lost.
Whatever that meant.
The tavern had been warm with people dancing and chatting. After a few conversations fueled by a slight buzz, Ava had held out her hand to Lizzie, who shook her head. She wasn’t much of a dancer, and definitely wasn’t looking to embarrass herself with a misstep every other beat, didn’t want to make a fool of herself to Ava, who she was able to see as a friend in rare, fleeting moments that she cherished.
Lizzie would catch herself thinking about those cherished moments when she was alone. The way that the air felt lighter, how she felt more alive, more awake. She tried to ignore the question of why she’d think about these moments so much, and ignore the way she felt when she thought of them.
It was easy to not think about those moments only when she was with Ava. There, she could focus on the present, on the ways that the breeze made her hair look like the ocean during the golden hours of the late afternoon even in just the moonlight, or on the anecdotes she’d give about her childhood or her sister.
Ava had been insistent on walking Lizzie home, saying she was from here and knew the place like the back of her hand, before, of course, taking a 20 minute detour. They called it the “scenic route” and Lizzie wouldn't lie, seeing the bluffs of the island with waves cascading over purple-pink waters as the sun set was beautiful, but they had walked past the same sign three times and then turned and walked the opposite direction.
The two of them had gotten back to the inn where Lizzie was staying, all the way to the door to her room for the night.
“How long are you staying?” Ava asks her.
“Two more days, if all goes to plan. How long are you on leave?”
“Another week. I guess I’ll see you around?”
Lizzie nods, not disappointed at the thought of seeing Ava again, maybe even tomorrow.
“And, just so you don’t worry,” They add, mischief suddenly laced throughout their voice. “I’ll make sure no one sees me leave this way. Wouldn’t want anyone on your crew to get the wrong idea.”
In the moment, she bites back a “shut up,” having learned her lesson from earlier. She’s acutely aware of the distance, or lack thereof, between the two of them. It can’t be for more than a second, but Lizzie feels like she’s paused indefinitely, looking into Ava’s eyes, at the freckles that dot her face, at her lips.
Lizzie doesn’t have an excuse, she doesn’t even know why she does it, but she puts one hand on the back of Ava’s head and the other on the wall, and kisses them hard.
She feels Ava step back, surprised at the sudden movement, but only for a moment. They melt into the kiss easily, like it’s practiced, like they’ve done this before. Lizzie doesn’t like the idea of thinking about Ava kissing someone else, so instead she takes her hand off the wall and puts it on Ava’s lower back and pulls her even closer. Ava follows, and Lizzie feels a warm hand on the back of her neck and the side of her cheek, their thumb pressed below her cheekbone.
Lizzie pulls back, breathless from the excitement rather than the prolonged kiss. Her thoughts are racing and completely silent at the same time. Ava’s forehead is touching hers, their hands still in the same spots. They keep eye contact with Lizzie, golden eyes shining with an intensity Lizzie hasn’t seen before.
“This never happened.” Lizzie says.
“I’ve already forgotten.”
Ava all but says it into her mouth, already going back in to kiss her, the hand on the back of her neck pulling her close once again. They tilt Lizzie’s head for a better angle to kiss at, already standing on their tip-toes. To help, Lizzie moves a hand to their hip to help them balance, her body almost flush against Ava’s.
For a second, Lizzie wonders just how much she’s messed up. How this might be one of the biggest mistakes she’s made in a good while, going and ruining this fragile friendship with something she hadn’t even realized she wanted to do. Ava kisses away her worry like it’s nothing. It’s as if they can hear her second-guessing, giggling softly in between breaths. When they move to kiss Lizzie again, she can feel their smile against her lips.
A laugh bubbles up in Lizzie’s chest, the warmth from Ava and something unfamiliar, yet welcome, making her feel dizzy. She barely drank and yet she feels intoxicated like never before. Ava wraps both arms around Lizzie in a loose hug, swaying slightly and still giggling softly.
“What’s so funny?”
Ava gives her a smile, one where the slight gap between her two front teeth and the dimples in her cheeks show, where the freckles around her eyes and nose bunch together.
“I didn’t think it would work.”
This time, Lizzie’s laugh is incredulous instead of guilty.
“Are you kidding me?” She says. “This was your plan? Annoy me until I kissed you to shut you up?”
Ava shrugs, “A little column A, little column B.” Then they blush slightly, and look to the side sheepishly. “I didn’t really think you liked me, so I didn’t expect it.”
A few strands of red hair fall into Ava’s face, the ends choppy from where she’s cut her own layers, “to better fit her personality,” she’d say. Lizzie moves them out of her eyes, tucking it behind her ear and holding her face with both hands so she can look at her wholly, so she can look into Lizzie’s eyes and see that she’s being genuine, that she’s being real.
“I didn’t expect it either,” She confesses, softly. “But, if you… if you want this too-”
“Yes,” They say, looking at Lizzie once again with something she doesn’t yet know the name of, but wants to find out. “I do, I really do.”
“You didn’t even let me finish talking.”
“Well what if I wanted to get back to what we were doing? Hmm?” The unnamed glint is paired with mischief for a few seconds as Ava leans in even closer to Lizzie’s face.
She can feel their nose against hers, and chuckles at the innocent wonder the contact brings. The joy radiating off both of them, the excitement still running through every nerve in her body, the way that Ava looks at her like she’s something irreplaceable and transcendent.
“I just wanted to make sure you were okay with…” Lizzie searches for the right words to describe what they are, what they’re doing, what she wants them to do, but comes up empty. “This, I guess.”
Ava laughs melodically, harmonious and light, something that’s quickly becoming Lizzie’s favorite song. They don’t say anything else in response to the question, but they do kiss Lizzie’s cheek, saying “Mwah!” exaggeratedly.
“That’s not an answer.”
Ava replies with another kiss to the other side of her face, repeating the kiss noise.
Lizzie rolls her eyes. She still feels giddy, dreamlike even, but she can feel her traitorous worry creeping back in. Her thoughts have slowed from their rapid pace to a steady rhythm of anxiety, if this is the right thing. Ava holds her head in their hands and it feels like if this isn’t the right thing, then there is none. She feels a kind of weightlessness, a light and carefree joy that she hasn’t felt ever before.
Lizzie leans into the touch, closing her eyes and feathering soft kisses on Ava’s palm. She feels their thumb rub a small circle in her cheek as they hum gently and readjust their weight to lean closer to into Lizzie, and again she notices how well they fit together, perfectly next to the other as if they were cut from the same cloth and separated, frayed edges of one belonging to the other.
“Hey,” Ava says, and Lizzie opens her eyes to look at her. “I can hear you worrying from here. It’s like you said, this never happened.”
“What if I want it to?” Lizzie barely even whispers. Her voice is thick and she swallows the fear in her throat that lodges in her chest. “What if I want it to happen again?”
“That makes two of us. I look forward to more first kisses, if that’s the case.” Ava says, like an oath, the sincerity only paralleled by divine knights of old. It’s fitting for someone who shines like the sun, and if Lizzie were a woman of faith, she thinks this would either be prayer or blasphemy.
The promise for the future hangs in the air, melting out the window to sit among the stars. The pair separate once again, however they’re both aware of the new thread between them, woven by fate and tied around their hearts, and know they’re not truly apart.