Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

OJ’s life was going… pretty great right about now.

HIs grades were practically screaming in his face, he was the soccer team’s pride and joy, and just about every girl was not-so-secretly crushing on him.

And to top it all off, he had a great best friend who he could count on and trust with anything. What more could a guy possibly want?

The answer was… well, it was nothing. OJ couldn’t want anything else. 

So why was he still so… unhappy? Dissatisfied with his life at school? Why did his entire being ache with disappointment whenever he arrived at the hotel, doing whatever chores he was forced to take on as ‘practice‘ for when he took it over from his father… that was his dream, it couldn’t possibly be that. Sure, his parents were strict, but they still loved and cared for him and only wanted to push him to be the best object he could be.

That gut feeling of bitter disappointment was a code he’d been trying to crack for ages.

And so, he sat there, in his English class, twiddling a pen in his fingers. He was even feeling the ache then, too, and he’d given up on paying attention to whatever the teacher was babbling about. He was doing pretty good in English, anyway, he’d surely catch up.

He thought about everything he had. How fortunate he was. And as his eyes wandered around the classroom, they landed right on-

Paper.

And his eyes lingered on Paper for just a bit too long…

Paper was- Paper was incredible. The best friend he could ever ask for. Kind, understanding, honest and patient… everything he could possibly look for in a person. He was like some sort of angel - a paper angel, perhaps?

He didn’t know where he’d be without Paper, honestly. Without someone so loyal and sweet by his side, always supporting him no matter what, always rooting for him no matter what the odds were. He couldn’t be happier to have him as a best friend.

So… why did the dull ache in his chest suddenly get worse when he looked at him?

When he studied those focused eyes, or the slow strokes of his pencil against the page of his sketchbook… or how he was ever so slightly bent, leaning forward in just the right way so his page edges caught the light oh so perfectly…

Paper… Paper looked…

Adorable.

He couldn’t deny it. He did. He just wanted to lean over and take his hands in his own and-

And…

He didn’t finish that thought, snapping his eyes away from Paper.

Surely… surely Paper couldn’t be the source of his problems, right?

He tried to push that thought to the back of his mind once the bell rang, and he began to collect his things to pack up. He and Paper naturally gravitated towards each other during lunch. Of course they did, who else would he spend lunch with? Salt? No, that sounded like a nightmare and a half.

He sat down at the cafeteria table, munching on a ham n’ cheese sandwich when Paper spoke up, clear concern evident in his eyes.

“Hey… is everything alright? You seem a little… off…”

Of course he’d notice. Why wouldn’t Paper notice? He made a mental note to add ‘observant’ to his very long list of why Paper was the best friend he could ever ask for.

He gave him a ghost of a smile, chuckling along as he nodded.

“Yeah, everything’s fine! I’m just… tired from yesterday, y’know?”

He hoped Paper believed the excuse. His friend had an unreadable expression on his face, munching on his own cucumber sandwich and letting out a quiet hum. 

“Fair, I guess. Did your dad put you through having to manage annoying customers again?”

“Yeah… yeah, he did.”

He hadn't even stopped by the hotel yesterday, but Paper would never know that.

“I don’t know how you do it, OJ. Managing your school and business lives so well! It’s honestly pretty inspiring.”

OJ gave him an awkward chuckle, praying that his glass hadn’t suddenly been stained red. Why did his heart feel like it was trapped in a mental asylum, bouncing off all the walls of his chest?

“Well, it certainly isn’t easy, haha… but I got used to it…”

All thoughts of his half-eaten sandwich had completely left his mind, his focus pivoting to Paper and whatever he was doing to his heart.

“Still, I admire you and your dedication a lot. I wish I was as productive as you… I basically just doodle in my sketchbook all day.”

OJ’s eyes widened, and he was quick to shake his head, scoffing at the thought.

“Really? You? Oh come on Paper, do I really need to spell out how great you are? Your drawings are like- actual masterpieces! As in the, ‘I-would-hang-this-in-an-art-gallery’ kind of masterpieces, every single one of them! Plus, your garden outside the school is coming along to be so cute. You should take more pride in your work, man! You’re awesome.”

A smile flashed onto Paper’s face, and he could’ve sworn he saw a touch of pink on those cheeks… but maybe it was just the lighting… or his own wishful thinking.

“Wow… I… thanks, OJ! I never really thought of myself that way, but… but I’m glad to have someone like you by my side. Someone like you believing in me. You’re like- amazing, you know that? So hard-working and devoted to what you do… so great at multitasking and still always managing to keep your chin up, never giving up no matter how hard things get… you know that’s pretty damn impressive.”

And all of a sudden, OJ was completely paralysed. He’d heard words from that a billion times… from his parents, from the girls that drooled over him… even from his teachers…

But… but when those words were coming out of Paper’s mouth…

OJ couldn’t possibly explain it, but… it… it felt… different, somehow.

“O-Oh… uh… I mean, it’s not that impressive, haha…-“

Seriously? Now he was stuttering? Over THIS?

Paper chuckled a little at the sound of it, shaking his head.

“But it is though! Come on, where’s the prideful OJ I know and love?”

OJ’s eyes shot wide open, barely registering the nudge that followed.

“What did you say?”

Paper moved back a little, tilting his head at OJ in a perplexed manner.

“…Where’s the prideful OJ I know and love? I meant like.. you know… the saying?”

…Right. Yeah, it- it was just a popular saying… and he probably meant it platonically, anyway… it didn’t mean anything. He had to snap himself out of this.

“Ah… right, hahah…”

Oh, now he’d gone and made things somewhat awkward, hadn’t he…

He took another bite of his sandwich, looking around at nothing in particular. Where was the bell when he needed it?

Soon enough, he finished his sandwich. And now he needed something else to fill the void of silence. Or else those thoughts would creep up on him again.

“Sooo, uh… anything interesting with you?”

Paper stuffed the last of his own sandwich in his mouth, rolling an apple around with his finger.

“Ehhh… not really. Just the usual, y’know? Drawing, listening to music, occasional studying…”

“Right- right, yeah…”

They spent a few more minutes chatting about whatever came to their minds, neither all that invested in any topic of conversation brought up… until the bell finally answered his prayers and saved him from the thick fog of uncomfortable silence.

“Ah- there’s the bell… see you after class, yeah?”

“Mhm! Of course.”

-

His last period of the day was PE. Always a good one to end on, so he wouldn’t have to change out of his kit and be smelling like sweat the entire rest of the day. Plus, it was a pretty active class. No time left over for him to dwell on the feelings that’d been plaguing him.

He met up with Paper, Pickle and Knife, seeing as their little friend group usually walked home together. The other three were busy chatting about… well if OJ was being entirely honest, he wasn’t really paying attention.

His eyes were glued to Paper… to the way his margin perfectly glimmered in the sunlight… or how pure and innocent his chuckles sounded…

And he couldn’t help but feel an odd sense of disappointment when they arrived at his door.

He hadn’t even noticed that Knife was already gone. Though, logically, he should just- instinctively know that they always arrived at Knife’s door before Paper’s… but he wasn’t exactly thinking straight right now.

All he could think about was the fact that Paper was drifting away from him.

Further… and further… away…

The words slipped out before he could give them another thought, even if he’d been practically dead silent the whole way home.

“Bye Paper! See you tomorrow!”

He was offered a wave and a blindingly brilliant smile, as the object in question nodded along.

“See ya, OJ!”

And just like that, he was gone.

OJ felt like he’d simultaneously gained and relieved so much weight on his shoulders, letting out a massive sigh.

And then he heard the words that he’d been so desperately avoiding for so long leave Pickle’s mouth.

“Ooh… someone’s got a crush…~”

He’d completely forgotten he wasn’t alone. He prayed that his face didn’t erupt into a blushing mess, letting out a startled squeak as he felt Pickle poke him.

“Wha- no, I just think Paper’s cool! He’s my friend, it’s not like I lay awake at night thinking about him!”

Chapter Text

OJ didn’t realise just how wrong he‘d be until he was laying in bed, at 2am, with nothing but the distant ticking of his clock on the wall to remind him that time was even passing at all.

Sure, today he’d helped out at the hotel, and of course his parents chatted endlessly at dinner over finances and how he was doing in school… and yeah, he’d been blasting his dubstep playlist at full volume while getting his homework done… 

…But now there was nothing left for him to busy himself with. Nothing that seemed to work anymore.

With no distractions, the thoughts were free to roam his mind endlessly, occupying any and all space they could find in the labyrinth of his mind.

Because… because fuck, he couldn’t get that comment from Pickle out of his head.

Deep down, some innate part of him knew it was true. But at the same time… there was no way! His parents were already looking for other girls for him to date, and a few of them seemed… tolerable, at least…

So why did his mind always bring him back to Paper?

Paper this, Paper that… there was only one reasonable explanation, and that was… that he actually had a crush on him.

He tried repeating that thought to himself, and it filled him with a sense of nothing but dread.

Why? Why did the universe decide to do this to him? To give him a best friend that was so unimaginably perfect and cute and beautiful that his heart couldn’t help but long to hold him in his arms?

It wasn’t fair. He couldn’t have a crush on Paper. It’d never work. His reputation and grades aside, why would Paper ever even like him back, anyway? OJ wasn’t sure if he even could! Sure, there were rumours that Paper was gay, but who was dumb enough to trust highschool rumours? Not him, that’s for sure. He’d had enough experience to know they were bullshit.

And there was no wall in hell that he would actually just waltz up to Paper and ask. ‘Oh, hey man, what’s your sexuality? Asking for a friend’? No, Paper wasn’t an idiot. He’d see right through that.

He rolled over in his bed, gazing at the stars outside his window. They looked almost like little specks of dust, specks that he could reach a hand out and take for his own. That he’d be able to hold, and cherish, and watch shimmer and burn right in the palm of his hand…

But when he tried, his fist clenched around nothing but the icy, empty air. He let out a deep groan, hands rubbing at his eyes as he tried to shake himself out of whatever spell Paper had cast on him.

How was he meant to get a wink of sleep now? How was he meant to get a wink of sleep ever? How was he meant to live his life, all cheerful and bright as he’d always pretended to be, knowing these feelings for his best friend would always be simmering right below the surface?

He was genuinely tempted to just pop his cork out and let himself spill, blaming his poor performance and unstable emotions at school tomorrow on his empty glass. Or even better yet - use it as an excuse to skip school entirely.

God… why couldn’t he just… learn to have better control of his emotions? Why did these feelings have to be so hard to bury?

Why couldn’t he just… ignore it, until it went away… why did it seem to be all his mind could focus on? All his heart could ever care about?

They were the questions he’d never get an answer to.

His eyes drifted to his wardrobe, which was covered in photos of him and Paper. He didn’t really understand why he was so deeply attached to them until now.

That was all he could ever give himself. Platonic photos of the two just - hanging out, and being pals.

Maybe he could trick himself into thinking they were enough. That what he had with Paper now was enough. It’d be better for everyone, wouldn’t it?

He got up from his bed, his fingers brushing over a few of his favourites. One in particular stood out to him. A photo of the two of them, in the sunset, standing outside a movie theatre. It was the time when Paper had surprised him with tickets to a film he’d been wanting to see for his birthday.

He had plans with his other friends that day… but the moment he learnt that Paper had booked these tickets months in advance? That he’d been so thoughtful to pay attention to every time he’d rant about how great the movie could be? The moment he’d learnt it’d be just the two of them… alone…

Well, he obviously dropped any and all plans he could’ve ever thought of having. And he didn’t regret it, either. That day had been one of the best days of his life.

He plucked the photo from the wardrobe, walking back to his bed and holding it close to his chest, running his hands over the edges as a shaky sigh escaped his mouth.

He pretended that it was Paper he was holding in his arms. A miniature, sleeping, colder and more lifeless version of Paper.

It wasn’t really the same thing… but his love for that memory was enough to fill in the gaps for him.

Chapter Text

After spending the entire NIGHT dwelling on his feelings for Paper… OJ knew that, realistically, there was only one option left for him.

To bury those feelings so deep below the surface that nobody would ever be able to find them. Not even himself.

Though as OJ would come to realise, when the person you’re crushing on is literally your best friend, this task becomes a lot harder.

He arrived at school the next day armed with nervousness, fear, and a giant paper bag he could scream his lungs into at lunch.

He made his way to his locker, picking out anything and everything he’d need for the day. He took a few deep breaths, staring at the one picture he had of himself and Paper taped to the back of his locker like he could will it to disappear.

He could do this. He’d had experience hiding his emotions. Sure, this was a much stronger one, but OJ could definitely handle it. How hard could it really get? So what if Paper was the sweetest, most caring and thoughtful person on the planet? If he just didn’t focus on the way he felt, maybe- 

“Hey there, OJ!”

The high-pitched greeting was enough to make OJ jump, letting out a bit of a startled gasp as he spun around to face…

Paper. Of course.

He was off to a great start.

“Woah, didn’t mean to startle you! I’m not that scary, am I?”

Oh, if only he knew just how ‘scary’ his presence really was…

“No… no, sorry. I just… had a rough night.”

He quickly realised that was the wrong thing to say… in a matter of seconds, Paper had crossed the gap between himself and OJ, studying every inch of his face, concern clear in his eyes.

“Oh, jeez. Your eyebags… did you stay up all night again?”

OJ let out a quiet huff, glancing away from Paper. He thanked whatever gods were out there that his heart wasn’t outwardly visible to other objects, free to beat in his chest as wildly as it wanted without being judged.

“Mm… was it that obvious…?”

“Yeah. What was it this time? Another Chemistry test?”

He chuckled at the thought, debating on whether to go with the perfect excuse Paper had come up with or think of his own.

On one hand, he was an awful liar, and having an excuse so perfectly laid out for him was ideal. On the other hand, it wasn’t the most believable one. He had a Chemistry test just the other day…

“Oh- no, actually. It was English that kept me up…”

“…What? I’m in your English class… we… don’t have a test today, do we?”

Paper’s expression morphed into a blend between confusion and panic, which OJ was quick to rectify. There goes coming up with a good excuse.

“Oh- no, no! I just wanted to get ahead a bit… I’ve been struggling with English recently…”

Of course, Paper raised an eyebrow at that, crossing his arms over his chest with a smirk.

“Yeah, right. Because to you, 98% is some horrendous failure.”

“Hey, it very well could be! My dad, he’d probably kill me if he found out… and… and my mum-“

His best friend burst out into chuckles.

Heavenly, angelic chuckles… he hoped more than anything that his face was still its natural shade of orange, and not a bubbling red.

“Relax, OJ, I’m kidding! I know how much of a perfectionist you are. It’s admirable, really…”

He took another step closer. Was Paper trying to kill him?

“But you really shouldn’t be so hard on yourself. A 98% is nothing to lose so much sleep over! You’ll catch up that extra 2% in no time.”

The weight of Paper’s words was lost on the fact his excuse was a complete lie, sure… but his tone was not. To OJ, it almost felt as if Paper could see right through him, and a faint, soft voice in his head was telling him that he shouldn’t be losing sleep over these feelings. That he should just… confess. Get it over with, and deal with whatever consequences came of it.

But then a much louder voice would come in and remind him of how stupid the idea was. Of the millions and millions of reasons why he and Paper wouldn’t work - couldn’t work.

And so, he continued to brush off his lingering feelings, giving Paper as full and earnest of a nod as he could manage.

“Thanks, Paper… I know I shouldn’t be so hard on myself… I just can’t help it, you know?”

“I know, don’t worry. Just know I’m always gonna be here to remind your ass to take care of yourself.”

Always?

How long was ‘always’ to Paper? How frequent was it? Was it ‘we’ll-be-living-together-so-I’ll-always-be-near-you’ frequent, or ‘you’ll-always-be-able-to-hit-me-up’ frequent?

“Right, right… I’ll always be here, too. Y’know, if you ever need me.”

Paper nodded at that, giving OJ an approving smile, holding up his hand for a fist bump. A perfectly friendly and platonic gesture, one which OJ was quick to return.

And then, the bell rang out in their ears. OJ held in his sigh of relief.

“Ah, well… cya later then?”

“Of course. See ya!”

He hoisted his bag a little more firmly over his shoulders, giving Paper another wave and heading to his first class.

How long was he going to be able to keep this up before he cracked?

Chapter Text

Days. Weeks. Months passed by, and still OJ had somehow managed to bottle up his feelings. He’d come awfully close to exposing them quite a few times, but had always just barely kept them under wraps…

It was clear that Knife and Pickle knew, though. Or at least had their suspicions.

Overtime, he’d tried to bury himself more in his work. That’d been the only way he was able to cope with what he was feeling. He worked harder, studied more, joined a few new clubs here and there…

He had basically no free time in his schedule. It… honestly was a little tiring, but it was worth it if he was able to prolong his inevitable explosion into nothing but smithereens and stop thinking about the paper angel he’d been ’friends’ with for as long as he could remember.

He’d been seeing Paper less and less with every passing day. It was better for him, easier to manage. But at the same time… it only made that dull ache in his heart get stronger… and stronger…

And even if Paper didn’t feel the same way about him, he was sure the distance he’d forced into their friendship was affecting him as well, in some way.

He just… hoped Paper still cared about him, in some way… it seemed like he did, anyhow…

He’d been walking through the hallways at the end of another long, tiring school day, dragging his kit with him until he bumped into Knife, heading the opposite way. That confused him.

“Uhh, Knife? Where are you going, we have soccer practice.”

Knife shook his head, a knowing little smile on his face.

“Nah, it got cancelled. Coach is sick or somethin’.”

OJ let out a quiet, somewhat surprised huff. In all his years at Inanimate High, the coach had never, ever been sick. So it must’ve been really serious.

“Oh… fair enough, I guess.”

He spun around, walking alongside Knife to the school’s exit.

“I’m meeting with Pickle and Paper. You wanna tag along? It seems like you never walk with us anymore.”

OJ felt a pang of guilt form in his gut. He knew why that was. He’d pushed practically everyone away in favour of ignoring his feelings for Paper…

“Of course I’ll come! I’m sorry about that, by the way. I’ve just… got a lot more on my plate now.”

“Food that you put there, dumbass…”

“What was that?”

“You heard me.”

A beat of silence passed between them, but it was quickly interrupted by Pickle’s voice.

“Oh, hey Knife!”

His eyebrow perked up a little when he noticed the glass of juice next to him.

“Oh, and OJ too? Wow, it’s like we’re getting the band back together."

Paper poked his head out from behind Pickle, and it was clear that even he was surprised to see OJ.

Surprised. To see his best friend.”

God, what had OJ done?

“Yeah, it sure is, hah…”

He scratched the back of his glass awkwardly to hide his embarrassment.

“Alright, well, don't just stand there! Let’s go!”

“Okay, okay…”

And so, the four set off on their journey back home. 

“So… OJ, where’ve you been? I feel like we never see you anymore.”

Well, there it was…

“Oh- well… I just- I’ve been really busy, y’know?”

“But you never respond to my texts anymore...”

OJ bit the inside of his cheek, wrangling his brain for another one of his excuses. Another one of his lies.

But he didn’t even get the chance. Because for the first time that entire conversation, Paper spoke up.

“It… can’t be that hard, can it? I get that your parents put pressure on you and all, but… it’s like we don’t even exist…”

…Oh…

This is why he was avoiding them for so long. Hearing Paper’s voice, so heartbroken and devoid of hope… it shattered him.

“…I know, I know… I’ll… I’ll do better from now on. I promise.”

It wasn’t much, but to Paper, it was clearly enough. His lips curled up into a slight smile… and that was all he needed to see. He could tell OJ meant what he was saying. Even just that little bit of recognition…

He knew he’d have to apologise to Paper, and prove he meant his words. But… not here. Not now, when they were just casually walking back home.

No, Paper deserved a proper apology… and he knew he’d give him one, sooner rather than later.

Weirdly enough, though… After that initial hiccup, OJ found it a lot easier to get invested in their conversation this time, and not just stare at Paper the whole way back.

“You know, apparently Trophy’s hanging out with Tissues now.”

“Tissues?! Doesn’t he hate that guy?”

“That’s what I said! But no, I saw them eating lunch together today.” 

“Oh, damn… I wonder if Tissues managed to tame that dumbass.”

OJ found himself… smiling. Genuinely smiling. It’d been so long since he actually- hung out with his friends like this. Even if they were just walking to eventually part ways…

Well, that was his impression. Until Pickle came up with an idea.

“Why don’t we have a game night? I mean- today’s Friday and all! OJ, I’m sure you can free up some time in your schedule today, right?”

OJ looked somewhat conflicted at the idea. It sounded really appealing at first glance… but he had quite a bit to do today…

…Eh, screw it. He’d make time for it later. They deserved this.

“Y’know what? Sure. We can hangout for a while.”

Pickle and Knife both gave approving cheers and chuckles, but Paper still seemed… down.

“I… I can’t come. I have an appointment…”

And all of a sudden, it made so much sense.

Paper seemed so… genuinely upset. And OJ could understand why… this was the first time an opportunity for them to hang out had popped up in a while.

It got him thinking… 

“…Oh.”

OJ hummed to himself, trying to think on the positive side of things. He wouldn’t get distracted this way… he could focus on having a good time with his friends…

But…

“Well… you guys have fun though!”

Paper forced a smile onto his face, one OJ saw through in a matter of seconds.

He seriously had to make it up to him sometime…

“Of course we will.”

Chapter Text

Eventually, they’d all arrived at OJ’s house. It was always the one they held their game nights at, seeing as it had the best WiFi and the guy had like- a bajillion extra devices they could use. Just the privileges of having rich parents…

“Agh, come on! No fair, you’re on PC!”

Pickle yelled, to which OJ merely rolled his eyes.

“So? You’re on a laptop literally built for this sorta thing.”

“I guess, but still.”

OJ simply shook his head, a prideful grin on his face before he took a glance at the time.

“Oh, shoot- it’s getting kinda late. You guys wanna order pizza?”

Pickle nodded enthusiastically, and Knife let out a gruff of approval, so he took out his phone and pulled up the nearest pizza place he could find.

“Alright, so what’re you guys getting? I’m more of a margarita person myself.”

Knife shrugged, taking a look at the menu for a moment.

“Ehhh… pepperoni will do for me. Nothing crazy.”

“Got it. And you, Pickle?”

“I’ll take cucumbers on mine. Thanks.”

He couldn’t help but freeze at that.

What?

Who put cucumbers on a PIZZA?

OJ shot Pickle a look of mild disgust and disbelief, to which Pickle gave a nonchalant shrug.

“What? It tastes good. I ALWAYS order it when I stay at Knife’s!”

He slowly craned his neck over to stare at Knife, who could only offer him a shrug in return.

“It’s true. I don’t get it either, but…”

“Right…”

He pushed his judgement aside and placed the order, letting out a huff of air as he stretched his arms. Man, gaming really wore him out… he couldn’t remember the last time he’d touched any of this stuff…

“I’m thinking I’ll head out after the pizza, though.”

OJ let out an indifferent hum at Pickle’s words, nodding along. That seemed fair. He couldn’t help but take the opportunity to make a joke, though.

“What, leaving so soon? You never change, huh. Just staying for the free food and then dipping.”

“Oh, shut up, y’know that’s not what I meant!”

“Yeah, yeah…”

The room fell into a steady silence for a moment, accompanied by nothing but the ticking of the clock on OJ’s wall. Now where had he heard that before?

He wondered if he was going to fall into another existential crisis, but… his computer gladly took care of that for him.

It faded from the Steam homepage to his screensaver.

And god, OJ suddenly really regretted not changing it when he had the chance.

Pictures of Paper flashed by on his screen, looking almost like some lazy PowerPoint slideshow with the way they scrolled past and lingered for a few moments.

His friends were quick to take notice, and his own eyes widened. He got up to turn the computer off, but Knife grabbed his wrist and pulled him back down before he had the chance.

“Dude. What. The fuck. Is that.”

“I- I can explain!-“

Pickle shook his head, shooting him a knowing grin.

“Y’know, I was just joking with that whole crush thing a few months ago, but damn you really do have it as bad as I thought you did…”

“Of course. Of course you knew…”

OJ groaned, burying his face into his hands and rubbing at his eyelids as more and more images of Paper continued to flash by on screen. They were all of Paper just generally acting cute. God, he was such an idiot, why’d he even make that his screensaver in the first place? What had he been doing? Maybe he should just crawl into a hole and spend the rest of his days rotting away in the ground-

He was brought out of that train of thought when he felt Knife’s hand on his shoulder.

“Hey… you know you can like… talk to us, right? We uh… won’t judge.”

OJ stared at Knife for a moment, at his stern and understanding expression… and let out a deep, prolonged sigh, deflating like a balloon.

“I just… it’s been so hard for me lately. I’ve been trying to bury it all down, but it keeps just… bubbling back up, y’know?”

Both Knife and Pickle nodded their heads, their faces full of thoughtful contemplation. How had this gone from a casual game night, to him venting about his pent-up feelings?

“That’s why you’ve been keeping yourself so busy, huh.”

“…Yeah… you caught me…”

Pickle shifted slightly on the massive bed, humming along.

“Well… uh, good luck with that pal… I would offer advice, but I’m not exactly an expert in the love department…”

He felt a bit of a shudder run through him, and Knife was quick to place a reassuring hand on Pickle’s shoulder. Neither of them liked remembering her.

“Yeah… yeah, I get it… uh, thanks anyway, though.”

It wasn’t long before the pizza arrived, and the three began eating away while chatting about whatever else came to mind.

OJ would admit… it did feel nice , spending time with his friends again… but he couldn’t help but feel like without Paper, something was just… missing.

He barely even paid attention when they told him they were leaving, giving them nothing more than half-hearted goodbyes.

He felt bad that he couldn’t find it in himself to focus on them… but what else could he do when his mind was so hyperfixated on Paper?

Fixated the love of his life? On the man who he’d gladly sacrifice anything for, over and over and over again?

The man he’d pushed away time and time again… and for what? To bury how he really felt about him? Was that worth ignoring him for…?

He rubbed at his forehead a little, letting out a few quiet grumbles as he was left to self reflect on what he’d become.

He… he was going to go insane if he kept living like this… he knew he was the one slowly killing his friendships with Paper. With everyone, really, but especially him… all because he was a coward.

His eyes wandered over to his calendar, and the to-do list he’d written for tomorrow beside it.

Help out at his dad's hotel, go to archery club, study for his maths test, have the courage to text Salt…

…Wait.

He took another look at the list, eyeing each item for a few seconds…

…Before ripping the sheet from his wall, crumpling it up and chucking it in a nearby trash bin.

He walked over to his bed, picking up his phone, unlocking it and scrolling to his contacts.

Deep breaths. He could do this.

He owed Paper this.

One text. All it took was one text.

‘Hey, Paper?’

The reply was practically immediate.

‘..OJ?'

'You haven’t texted me in ages. is something wrong?' 

Of course... Paper immediately assumed he was texting because there was a problem.

What happened to him? To the days he and Paper would stay up all night talking about who knows what, just for the fun of it?

...No words could express the guilt that was piling up in him right now.

‘Ah… yeah, im sorry about that’

‘...its ok ig... im just glad ur texting now'

'i missed you'

He let his eyes linger on that message for a few precious seconds. The words were so simple, and yet OJ could feel the hurt and longing oozing from that text.

...He felt awful...

'...Me too. You... you didn't deserve how i was treating you'

'I was... a really shitty friend'

'if im being honest... it rlly hurt, yeah'

'every time you'd brush me off in the hallway'

'i felt like i didnt even know you anymore'

He felt like he'd been stabbed a thousand times, over, just from reading those...

'I never wanted you to fe

No. He erased that line, and tried again.

'I can't make any excuses for how I acted'

'Truth is, I was just feeling overwhelmed with... everything.'

'But... I really was just a fucking asshole. To my BEST FRIEND.'

'God, Paps... you mean so sosososo much to me...'

'And I meant what I said earlier. I really AM sorry... and I really DO want to be better...'

He'd... run out of words to say.

All he could do was wait, with baited breath, for Paper's reply...

And after the most agonising minute of his life, his eyes glued to the typing bar.... he got one.

'...Thank you.'

'OJ... seriously. You don't know how much all that means to me.'

'Honestly... I just want things to go back to the way they were...'

'I forgive you. :)'

Nothing on this planet compared to the wave of relief that washed over him...

He felt happier than he had in months, grinning like an absolute idiot.

He didn’t deserve Paper. He was absolutely certain there would never come a day where he’d think he did. Someone so patient and understanding… he’d been blessed to even have him as a friend… let alone a best friend.

'Thanks... I want things to go back to the way they were, too.'

'so...'

'uh'

‘you free tomorrow?’

‘mhm! y? (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧'

...God, he didn't realise just how much he missed this… longed for this... just one of those silly emojis from Paper was enough to turn his mood around. He really was down bad for this guy, huh?

‘I was wondering if we could like… hang out?’

‘OH’

‘OHEMGEE’

‘OH.YGOD’

‘JSIAKSS WAIT RLLY??!!!??!’

‘NO WAY NO WAY OML ITS BEEN SZO LIONF YESS?!? YE ES?’

OJ burst out into laughter at Paper’s clear enthusiasm. His notifications were STILL blowing up…

He'd forgotten just how quickly Paper's mood could switch, with just a few words.

‘HELP AFTER ALL THAT... MAN I LITERALLY JUST ASKED TO HANG OUT 😭🙏 CALM DOWN'

‘STFU’

‘yOU???'

'HE FABLED OJ OF THE WEST???’

‘LET ME JBVE THIS MAN (≧▽≦)’

OJ watched as Paper continued to absolutely blow up their DMs with stickers and emojis of all kinds. He just let it happen, staring at his screen with the most massive grin on his face. His juice was boiling now, but he didn’t care. Nobody was around to see it.

Just… the fact that Paper was so happy… to spend time with him…

‘So… what about that amusement park nearby? 2pm?’

‘YOU GOT IT!!! ^^’

He turned his phone off, grabbing his cork and shuffling under his bed’s covers.

Man… he wouldn’t be surprised if his glass started to crack from all the pressure his boiling juice was building up right now.

In truth, he wasn’t even the biggest fan of amusement parks, it was just the first excuse that came to his mind. He had a pretty big fear of heights… but that didn’t matter. Maybe he’d get so scared that it’d make Paper laugh. He wanted to hear Paper’s laugh again.

It wasn’t even that late, but he wanted to head straight to bed so the next day would come faster. So he could see Paper’s adorable face in the morning.

For the first time in quite a while… he finally let himself be excited to see Paper again.

Chapter Text

The second he regained consciousness the next day, OJ made sure to speed out of the house as fast as he possibly could. His parents probably assumed he was just excited about archery or something… but that was far from the case.

He ended up waiting on a bench near the entrance for hours, but he didn’t even care. Not one bit. It was all worth it when he saw a flash of white approach him from the corner of his eye.

“Hey there, OJ! I didn’t keep you waiting too long, did I?”

“No, of course not! You’re fine.”

They headed into the line, paying their entry fee with widened smiles on their faces.

“So… where should we go first?”

OJ shrugged, chuckling a little to himself.

“Oh, I don’t know… I was kinda thinking we could just… go wherever?”

Paper seemed to consider that option for a few moments…

And then, OJ saw it.

That glisten in his eyes that told him that Paper just had the idea of a lifetime. That a strong desire had seized his heart, and wouldn’t let go. And everyone around him was forced to just deal with it, moving along to his will like water flowing in a river.

“Come ON!! We’ve gotta try that one!”

“Woah woah WOAH, let me-“

OJ didn’t get to finish his sentence. And he probably never would, not with the way Paper’s hand had suddenly clasped around his wrist, dragging him off to one of the most extreme roller coasters in the entire damn park…

He couldn’t think about anything else. Not about the fact the line was so damn long, or that he was probably going to get so scared and traumatised on that damn thing that he’d throw up the moment he got off.

Because.

Holy.

Fucking.

Shit.

Paper was holding his wrist.

It really shouldn’t have been a big deal. When they were younger, they held hands all the time. But it felt like all of time had suddenly slowed down right there and then, and Paper’s electrifying touch was all that was occupying every last inch of his brain…

They rushed to pay for the ride, and OJ was still left entirely in a daze the entire time they spent getting into their seats.

It was only when he was sitting down - RIGHT next to Paper, by the way - that he’d come to a critical realisation.

He'd forgotten his cork.

“Wait, Paper I can’t-“

He didn’t have time to finish that sentence, as the coaster’s engine had started to rev up, and in a matter of moments they’d blasted off the ride at full speed.

-

“I’m sorry! OJ I’m so so so so sorry-“

OJ had been sitting on a bench for the past 20 minutes. He was empty, hot, and he had a billion paper towels pressed to his glass, still trying to soak up all the juice that’d poured down his sides in the attack.

He let out a moody grunt, rubbing at his eyes in an attempt to push past the tiredness and the pain.

Still… he tried not to take his anger out on Paper. He couldn’t, it wasn’t his fault in the slightest.

“Hey… it’s fine, it’s not your fault… I shouldn't have left it at home…”

Paper shook his head, still clearly as guilty as ever. What he didn’t know was that this was a blessing in disguise. At least this way, his juice wouldn’t be able to reveal just how flustering he’d been feeling…

“Still… I should’ve… I should’ve done something… you wanted to have a nice day out with me, and look at what’s happened!”

He gestured to OJ sitting on the bench, letting out a huff as he glanced to the side.

“Hang on… I’ll- I’ll get you some juice. Wait here.”

And just like that, Paper was off. And OJ was left on the bench, still dripping juice, wondering why he’d even offered to come here in the first place.

He could’ve picked anywhere else…

But… There was nothing he could do now but wait. At least here, in the broad daylight in the middle of an amusement park, he had the voices of other people to help drown out his thoughts about Paper.

Fuck. No, now his name was in his head and-

Damnit… that smile… those little giggles and screams of joy he let out on the ride, not a care in the world…

The entire time he couldn’t even focus on how much juice he was losing at once. All he could see was Paper, happily flapping in the wind, his arms up as he cheered on the coaster.

If OJ were the president, he’d make being that adorable illegal. In a heartbeat. 

…It took quite a while for Paper to come back. Minutes, hours, seconds? OJ didn’t know, but with the thoughts that kept tormenting him it felt like an eternity.

He spotted his best friend in the distance, running back with cartons of orange juice sloshing about in his arms. It was… honestly a pretty hilarious sight.

“Sorry, sorry! The nearest corner store was so far… you wouldn’t even imagine the fight I got into with-“

“Hey… relax. It’s okay. I’m just glad you’re here.”

Being completely empty may have made him a bit more moody, but he couldn’t deny that it made him more honest, too. The words just sort of… slipped out of his mouth. He didn’t even register them until he noticed the light pink blush forming on Paper’s cheeks.

Wait- was that actually a blush? No, no, it… it couldn’t be. He had to be hallucinating or something. He was completely empty, after all.

“A-Ah… fair enough, haha… uhm… hang on, I’ll get you filled back up in no time…”

He got to work opening the first carton, pouring the juice into his glass very slowly to make sure none of it spilt. OJ felt his energy return to him, bit by bit, as more and more juice filled his glass.

Eventually, it was back at its usual level, much to his relief.

He sat up from the bench, stretching as he let himself adjust to feeling normal again.

“Alright… that’s better…”

Paper nodded in agreement, letting out a sigh of relief. It didn’t last long, though. OJ’s eyes were still glued to Paper, and he noticed the way his shoulders sunk. The way he seemed to shrink in on himself, and how his voice wobbled with every word he uttered.

“Right… I’m so sorry about today… you should just go home now-“

“What?”

OJ was genuinely confused. How could Paper even suggest such a thing?

“I mean… I ruined the day for you, didn’t I?”

“God- Paper no. Again, that wasn’t your fault, I was just being a dumbass. And…”

He sucked in as much air as he could, tightening his hands into fists. As if that’d help brace him for Paper’s reaction to his next words. 

“…If I’m being honest… I… I don’t want you to go. I don’t want to go back to drowning in work and studies… so can- can we stay here just a little longer? Please?”

Even he was taken aback by the desperation that’d slipped into his tone, watching as Paper’s eyes widened.

There was no denying it that time. Paper was blushing, a bright, almost scarlet red that entirely coated his cheeks . But whether it was from embarrassment, or… something else… he didn’t know. And there was no way in hell he’d take the risk of doing something about it.

“…Okay. Okay, we’ll stay a little longer…”

He was sure that Paper didn’t miss the pleased smile that spread across OJ’s face. It was one he matched with ease.

Paper took another look around, before his eyes landed on the ferris wheel in the distance. The sun was starting to set; now seemed like as perfect a time as any to hop on.

“Well… how about we try the ferris wheel then? Something slower…”

OJ nodded along at that, and the two walked over to it, paying for the ride and shuffling into their seats again.

This ride was… a lot calmer than the last one had been. He rested a hand on the railing, just watching as the land below him grew smaller… and smaller…

Even with his fear of heights, and his instincts screaming at him that this was dangerous… it still looked absolutely mesmerising…

But it wasn’t the most hypnotising sight here, that was for sure.

His eyes drifted back to Paper, as they’d been so used to doing countless times before. 

The sunset just… bathed him in this warm, transcendent glow… his hand was just tapping against the railing, looking at nothing in particular…

Again those thoughts about how he could never have Paper continued to haunt him. On why it’d never work, why it’d be impossible…

And yet…

With the two of them still rising higher and higher into the sunset sky..

His shining star suddenly seemed a lot closer than it had all those months ago.

But then… something… happened.

He’d been caught. 

His star’s eyes had snapped away from the landscape beneath them, and landed right on him. He felt his face heat up, his eyes widening as his juice started to boil.

Was it just him, or was he getting closer?

“Ah… Paper, I’m sorry, I just!-“

The rest of those words lost their chance at ever escaping into the world. By something soft… something foreign, yet so familiar; something so unbelievably sensational it was making him buzz with pleasure…

Paper’s… Paper’s lips.

Oh god. Paper was… Paper was kissing him. 

All his thoughts fizzled away in an instant, replaced with bursts of fireworks exploding throughout his body. He felt like he’d been hit by a dazzling shooting star, blazing through the night sky at full speed, shattering every hope he had at maintaining coherent thought.

He let his instincts take over, wrapping a hand around Paper's thin frame, tracing small circles into the fibre as his other hand snaked up behind his head, forcing them even closer. Paper’s arms soon wrapped around him, too, trailing lines up and down the side of his smooth glass; his touch was nothing short of heavenly, like an angel guiding him straight to heaven’s gates.

This moment… it was everything. Months of build-up, of tension, of anxiety, pain and fear… it was all just… gone. He’d never felt more free in his entire life, savouring each and every millisecond of their kiss as his heart rate continued to increase exponentially, to the point he was convinced that he was falling into cardiac arrest.

It lasted an eternity, and yet was over far too quickly for his liking, as Paper pulled away to stare into his eyes. It felt like he was peering right into his soul, understanding a thousand thoughts and feelings that words could never even come close to doing justice.

A wave of pure love and joy washed over the pair, and they couldn’t help but laugh at their own stupidity. OJ felt like he was lost in a dream- no, lost in paradise.

“You… wow, that was…”

“Don’t.. just… don’t…”

OJ nodded at Paper’s words, but the smile never left his face. For the entire rest of their wheel spin, he held the most precious object in the world, snuggled so comfortably into his arms. How could this day possibly get any better?

He didn’t even feel disappointed when it came to an end and the door opened for them to leave.

Paper tried to shuffle out of his grasp, but he was in too much of a daze to let go.

“…OJ?”

He asked, gesturing to the rest of the amusement park, tilting his head in confusion. OJ blinked out of that euphoric state of ecstasy he was in, chuckling to himself.

“Oh, right!”

He sat up, still with Paper in his arms, and left the ride. It earned a few startled gasps and sputters, all of which were unbelievably cute.

“Wha- hey!-“

Though the giggles that followed made it clear Paper didn’t really mind being carried. And OJ took full advantage of that, striding across the park with the widest grin on his face. He felt like the luckiest object alive.

As they walked through the park, heading back… somewhere, OJ asked the question that’d been sitting in the back of his mind for so, so long now.

“Paper?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you… uh… wanna be my boyfriend?”

There was absolutely no hesitation in Paper’s response.

“Yes! Yes, OJ, I do!”

And that was the last of his chains being shattered. He could… finally, finally be happy. He no longer felt that dull ache in his heart that’d been bothering him for so long. Everything felt… right.

Sure, he’d probably have to deal with his parents, and dropping out of a few clubs and extracurricular activities to make room for the love of his life…

But who cared? Not him.

“Hey, Paps? How about a picture?”

He’d ask, finally setting his new boyfriend down to pull out his phone.

Paper nodded along, wrapping an arm around OJ’s side before he could get another word out. He returned the gesture, flicking to his camera app, positioning it in just the right angle for a selfie.

“Say cheese!”

And with a snap, the photo had officially been saved to his gallery. He chucked it into his favourites without a second thought. It was one he HAD to print out as soon as possible, no questions asked.

“Can I… stay the night at yours?”

“Sure… I don’t see why not!”

With a quick text to his parents, he set off towards Paper’s house, slipping his hand into Paper’s without a second thought as they walked down the streets together. As a couple. Because Paper was actually his goddamn boyfriend now…

He could rest in the comfort of knowing he wouldn’t have to rip pictures off of his wardrobe anymore. For that night, his sleep was peaceful, dreamless, cozy and warm. 

And it was all thanks to the sheet of paper he was holding in his arms.